Leave.. Threatening to cause harm isn't good and it's very toxic, if anything it could be manipulation and emotional abuse. This is not a good woman and you won't miss anything by breaking up with her.
YOU’RE not saying she’s cheating, but the Trojan Man set up a base camp in her sock drawer I guess as a reminder that whoever those condoms are for won’t NEED the use of a sock any longer.
They receive help in the form of support in the steps they choose to make. My point is that the individual has to be the one to make the choice to change and take the steps to do so.
You can’t force anyone to make changes to their life. They have to want to and they have to do what it takes to achieve change.
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He does not care. I think it really is that simple. He doesn't know how to reciprocate because he doesn't feel empathy for you, he sees you as an obstacle and his mother, but not a partner.
He doesn't love you. He is over the NRE and this is the type of effort you can expect going forward.
But I would never be with someone who decided the entire household was my responsibility alone and called it “chores” and “nagging” to be reminded that you share that responsibility and emotional labour.
At this point he can do therapy and do some reading about emotional labour, but that's if he wants to change. It doesn't sound like he does. It sounds like he's comfortable with the way things are, but still expects you to be his bangmaid and meet all of his needs. That's not how a relationship works and as you say it's a recipe for a burnout. Your standards are allowed to be higher for this when it comes to your happiness.
Yes, they teach mega-wealthy people this as it's actually a risk for them, then all the basic sexist bros like to take it upon themselves to behave irrationally
Does she have a high paying join NYC? Does she have family there? Was she born there and its all she knows? Those would be some pretty valid reasons for wanting to stay. But if none of those are true and she just likes the city life, than I would just establish the expectation that we are moving together or breaking up. Being indecisive about what you want is not gonna help you nor will it help her. Whether you go or stay, you should decide soon and let her know what action you are taking. How she chooses to react is out of your control
She gets a safe space to explain why she's cheating and OP can't be confrontational or “accusatory?” He's got the proof of emotional cheating, what's “accusatory” about laying out the proof of her infidelity? Why give her a chance to lie and manipulate? This is the beginning of the end whether he forgives her or not.
Dude should be focused on documentation — her crimes, his paternity and an STD test.
Of course you know what to do. You're only 6 months in, and you don't like what's going on here. You can't get your bf to do anything, and he clearly isn't going to? He's not going to stop hanging out with them.
He asked you if you wanted something. You said no. Then you gave him grief because he took you at your word even though you already cooked dinner. Stop playing ridiculous games. If you want something, tell him. Don't tell him one answer and expect something different. You have a new baby and you're both sleep deprived. He's too exhausted to try and read your mind.
She's lying. There's no way her roommates sibling would use her bed for sex. That's just weird and gross. Her reaction told you everything you needed to know before she even said a word. She froze, began trembling, then began the lying. Then she claims she gonna confront the sister, but you can't be there? She's gonna try to get the sister to take the fall. She cheated. Dump her lying cheating ass.
It’s a long story but I began discussing my learning disabilities with a psychologist due to repeated failed attempts at post secondary education. I was diagnosed with ADHD but realized that although there is lots of overlap, I resonate a lot more with ASD. I brought this up with my psychologist recently and she feels like there’s truth in that so we’re going to sit down and examine it properly this week but as if now, no, nothing on paper, just verbal over the phone conversation with a psychologist.
Oh man what a trash enviroment this poor guy is surrounded with… leave him alone if you don't have guts to tell him that you want a relationship, seems like you would cheat on him anyways and his friends would just go along with it.
Depends on the reason. Illness, pain, etc., fall into the “in sickness and in health” category of traditional wedding vows. “I don't have time for you” is just freaking selfish.
She grabbed you while you were mostly asleep. That is assault. She continues to touch you and come on to you despite your repeated refusals. Quite apart from her hygiene, her behavior is inexcusable.
It's time for her to go. You haven't done anything wrong; it sounds like you have continued to be respectful and friendly despite not being interested in her romantically anymore. You don't owe anyone your time, and you certainly don't owe her sex just to stop things from being awkward.
It would be kind of you to arrange for her to get home safely. However, fixing her hygiene and tolerating her aggressive sexual behavior is not your responsibility.
I like this take. Never thought about it that way honestly. That's why I posted this. I was curious what others opinions were.
Leave.. Threatening to cause harm isn't good and it's very toxic, if anything it could be manipulation and emotional abuse. This is not a good woman and you won't miss anything by breaking up with her.
Take care of yourself first.
If she's not paying, current bed stays. beds are mad expensive, and this is a completely unreasonable ask.
YOU’RE not saying she’s cheating, but the Trojan Man set up a base camp in her sock drawer I guess as a reminder that whoever those condoms are for won’t NEED the use of a sock any longer.
They receive help in the form of support in the steps they choose to make. My point is that the individual has to be the one to make the choice to change and take the steps to do so.
You can’t force anyone to make changes to their life. They have to want to and they have to do what it takes to achieve change.
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Don't trade in people shrugs
He does not care. I think it really is that simple. He doesn't know how to reciprocate because he doesn't feel empathy for you, he sees you as an obstacle and his mother, but not a partner.
He doesn't love you. He is over the NRE and this is the type of effort you can expect going forward.
But I would never be with someone who decided the entire household was my responsibility alone and called it “chores” and “nagging” to be reminded that you share that responsibility and emotional labour.
At this point he can do therapy and do some reading about emotional labour, but that's if he wants to change. It doesn't sound like he does. It sounds like he's comfortable with the way things are, but still expects you to be his bangmaid and meet all of his needs. That's not how a relationship works and as you say it's a recipe for a burnout. Your standards are allowed to be higher for this when it comes to your happiness.
Yes, they teach mega-wealthy people this as it's actually a risk for them, then all the basic sexist bros like to take it upon themselves to behave irrationally
RUN
Best response!
Reddit is full of Monday morning quarterbacks and no one will know what’s is going through her mind.
If everyone listened to Reddit, we would be all single.
If they feel like that they have to communicate it. The other partner is not a medium.
Well… she told me she was checking out my Facebook profile, so then I checked out hers and saw her on photos with sailboats.
Does she have a high paying join NYC? Does she have family there? Was she born there and its all she knows? Those would be some pretty valid reasons for wanting to stay. But if none of those are true and she just likes the city life, than I would just establish the expectation that we are moving together or breaking up. Being indecisive about what you want is not gonna help you nor will it help her. Whether you go or stay, you should decide soon and let her know what action you are taking. How she chooses to react is out of your control
She gets a safe space to explain why she's cheating and OP can't be confrontational or “accusatory?” He's got the proof of emotional cheating, what's “accusatory” about laying out the proof of her infidelity? Why give her a chance to lie and manipulate? This is the beginning of the end whether he forgives her or not.
Dude should be focused on documentation — her crimes, his paternity and an STD test.
;-; I’m unsure I maybe should find a therapist for multiple reasons but they cost a lot and my insurance doesn’t cover
Of course you know what to do. You're only 6 months in, and you don't like what's going on here. You can't get your bf to do anything, and he clearly isn't going to? He's not going to stop hanging out with them.
Lara would have gone apeshit and told he was selfish and prob gone on the trip without him.
OP is being a doormat.
Don’t date or marry people on speculation. You never really know what they might be, only what they are.
It’s not about the book. Couples counseling would be smart.
He asked you if you wanted something. You said no. Then you gave him grief because he took you at your word even though you already cooked dinner. Stop playing ridiculous games. If you want something, tell him. Don't tell him one answer and expect something different. You have a new baby and you're both sleep deprived. He's too exhausted to try and read your mind.
She's lying. There's no way her roommates sibling would use her bed for sex. That's just weird and gross. Her reaction told you everything you needed to know before she even said a word. She froze, began trembling, then began the lying. Then she claims she gonna confront the sister, but you can't be there? She's gonna try to get the sister to take the fall. She cheated. Dump her lying cheating ass.
It’s a long story but I began discussing my learning disabilities with a psychologist due to repeated failed attempts at post secondary education. I was diagnosed with ADHD but realized that although there is lots of overlap, I resonate a lot more with ASD. I brought this up with my psychologist recently and she feels like there’s truth in that so we’re going to sit down and examine it properly this week but as if now, no, nothing on paper, just verbal over the phone conversation with a psychologist.
Oh man what a trash enviroment this poor guy is surrounded with… leave him alone if you don't have guts to tell him that you want a relationship, seems like you would cheat on him anyways and his friends would just go along with it.
Depends on the reason. Illness, pain, etc., fall into the “in sickness and in health” category of traditional wedding vows. “I don't have time for you” is just freaking selfish.
She grabbed you while you were mostly asleep. That is assault. She continues to touch you and come on to you despite your repeated refusals. Quite apart from her hygiene, her behavior is inexcusable.
It's time for her to go. You haven't done anything wrong; it sounds like you have continued to be respectful and friendly despite not being interested in her romantically anymore. You don't owe anyone your time, and you certainly don't owe her sex just to stop things from being awkward.
It would be kind of you to arrange for her to get home safely. However, fixing her hygiene and tolerating her aggressive sexual behavior is not your responsibility.
Be safe and take care of yourself.