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Nick Dan, 19 y.o.
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Date: October 30, 2022
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Doesn't matter what any of us say. Porn is a boundary item you need to clarify with your partner at the outset of a relationship.
If your partner wants no porn and has no flexibility on this, then you either deal with it or you move on.
Me personally, I think looking at porn as stimulation to get off is not cheating, as long as you are not directly interacting with the actors. If you start interacting with them and developing an emotional connection, then it crosses a line into infidelity IMO.
It sounds like your GF struggles with insecurity issues. I think a discussion on this topic will be very uncomfortable for her, so you'll have to prepare for the worst. You have to be honest with her, though. Don't lie about your porn use, as that won't help in the long term. At the very least, her reaction and subsequent handling of the emotions will give you a good opportunity to really decide if this is the type of woman you want to be with.
Most times been drunk brings lots of problems in a relationship, so you don't have to blame him ok rather you channel the blame on the alcohol.
Unless you have kids, I have no clue why you’d entertain taking him back. He’s right, y’all did get married too young. The upshot of that is that you’re still young. I met my wife when I was 30. It’s wasn’t the first go round for either of us – she’s been married, I’d been engaged – and both of use seemed to find it all fall apart in our lives at 29, then met some months later and the rest is history.
My point is that so many people wind up stuck in the idea that if they’ve committed 7 years to something, then why throw in the towel? Because it can get so, so much better.
I wonder if they broke up because OP is incredibly controlling and thinks he owns people.
Plump doesn’t sound like an insult to me. It sounds like a cute way to say you’ve gained some weight, which you have.
I think a lot of the weirdness comes down to the age of the youngest. My parents have a 13 year age gap, there hasnt been any abuse or wrong doing on anyones part, they deeply love and care about eachother, but my mum was about 40 when they got together. And 40/53 is way different than 23/37.
I would say though, that if all of the points in your post are correct and representative of him as person this is most likely fine. Sometimes the person you fall in love with happens to not be your age and thats fine, it just depends if it is random chance that the person who is most capivating happens to be an age gap apart or if the older person is a predetor or trying to take advantage of naivity. If he isnt purely looking for younger girls and has dated all ages; he probably is looking for the right type of personality; and not really thinking about ages. Remember there are plenty of very mature 21-25 year olds, and plenty of naive, stupid, childish 30+ year olds. Age is just a number, but its a very very good guide. (Obviously pedophillia isnt a number incase i was gonna get misconstrued statutory rape is rape)
My mums previous partner (she only had 2 in her whole life but both very long term) was also an age gap above her, and she doesnt talk about that as being weird, in fact it seems like she has always been the one in charge, kind of a femme fatale figure, and 100% the matriach of the family and has her age gaped partners being the subserviant ones lol. Yes I was pretty much raised by a stay at home dad and a working mum.
It really depends on the people involved.
Although everyone grieves differently, is it possible the gym appointments were a euphemism for something else? Either friend/alone time or was he cheating on you?
young padawan. you have a lot to learn.
I’m a crier too. I hate it. When I start to cry, I get upset I’m crying, which then makes me cry more. It’s awful lol I even avoid movies like Fox and the Hound because I will bawl. I’ve even cried during a SpongeBob episode before. Thankfully my husband never throws it in my face when it happens during a very rare disagreement we’re having. In fact, his reaction to me crying is to now make the situation lighter by cracking a joke which in turn triggers me to crack a joke back. Then we can talk it out. We have a very humorous relationship so that helps in our case. We joke I’m a “Steve” because Steve in American Dad cries all the time too-There’s a few episodes over it like Cry Baby and Finger Lenting Good that are hilarious. Sometimes certain people just get more emotional than others. It’s not manipulative unless there are certain things/patterns happening in addition to the tears. People can totally be manipulative with it, but OP has yet to describe exactly how other than she cries and can’t talk it out right away which isn’t actually manipulative.
This example isn’t a good “fight” to show this supposed manipulation either. He picked a fight in front of her friends and embarrassed her for embellishing her story. He brought it up again alone and didn’t like her response. So he yelled at her which triggered her to cry. There’s nothing manipulative about getting upset at what was occurring. In turn, he calls her crying manipulative and reveals he has always thought her crying was a manipulative tactic to make her the victim so of course she pulled back. He doesn’t want her personality, which happens to be more emotional than his, to be on display. She likely realizes she cries over a lot of stuff and doesn’t know which he considers manipulative given it was always an honest response so she just stopped entirely. He got what he asked for. She is definitely not as emotional around him now-He just happened to realize his partner happens to be a shell of themselves while doing so. Sad stuff. Couples counseling would be a good idea.
Sounds like you’re trying to push your OCD onto her. She showers daily it sounds like, that’s better than most people. She’s clean, you’re just being finicky about it, and a relationship is about give and take, not take and take…. Grow up.. she doesn’t have to be forced into your routine, that’s insanity. This coming from someone who also has OCD. She’s hygienic… I’d get if she wasn’t, that would be a deal breaker for me, but she showers when she prefers to in the day, not when you want….
I agree. She was definitely wrong to turn the topic to her anxiety instead of supporting her partner. I just wanted to say that laughing as a stand-alone reaction could be something other than straight up laughing at her husband for being a fast cummer.
He's 100% cheating and projecting.
Why don’t you just ask him about it? There’s a chance that it was planned last minute or something. Would you be interested in attending the party with him?
?? np
My BFF is a crier. Happy tears, Tuesday tears, sad story tears. What’s worse is we work in hospice, together.
I learned to listen to her words and no necessary the cry.
Okay so suddenly wearing a T-shirt to bed… especially @40 is not a huge or weird deal at all (mid 40’sF here… and I can’t keep warm like I use to!)
But wearing her daughters boyfriends shirts… that’s weird AF!
Sounds like you’re trying to break up because you think she’s not into you anymore
Yeah I feel like “empath” means “I see suffering and want to involve myself and bask in the attention this other person is getting.”
No. It is not extreme to separate yourself from this creep.
If you feel that all he wants you for is your body, you are probably right. You are the person who experiences him. We don’t.
What you do about is open your eyes in your situation, and watch his patterns. -Many you outlined here- and decide if that is what you want in your life.
You can’t change people. But you can decide what you want in your relationships. And if you are not getting it from him, you can move on. You can set boundaries. You can start seeing if he uses your age gap to his advantage.
And you can not date folks you work with.
Thing is she knows we’re very transparent and we hide nothing from eachother financially I know exactly how much she has and vice versa, I just want her to actually look for a job because she literally sleeps All day 🙁
Then you're the common denominator, it's not normal.
I hope so. Anyway it’s pretty clear that he is financially abusive and any money she makes he wants to control which is a major ? ? ? on top of the expectation that she spend every night cooking for him.
6 months ain’t shit sis. You gonna wait to leave him when you’re married, 6 months pregnant and you catch him cheating again or spare yourself and find a better man? He’s 30, even if he’s not cheating he’s such a child. “Tests” in relationships are for teens not grown men.
If I gave him my car I would still retain the title solely in my name. I told him that. I bought my car brand new and on my own. He's got zero claim to the car. He drives further and this car has a lot of safety features he could use.
Sounds like the both of them need to be in therapy. Stooping to the child's level and participating in a screaming match is ridiculous behavior. Whether either of you want to admit it or not, she is a part of the issue. Now, saying that to her probably wouldnt go over very well. It seems like you love her very deeply and want to work things out if possible so i think your best bet, other than just cutting ties, is to get into couples counseling for the two of you so you can talk about these concerns in a safe place. If she realizes that her relationship is at stake, she may be more willing to do the work necessary with her son.
“we had one kid, that went HORRIBLY… so we’re having another!”
Okay it's not like you're going to date both these guys at once so you need to make a decision. If you want to flirt with the new guy then you have to end it with the other person you've been seeing. You're making it more complicated than it needs to be.
The rule clearly doesn't exist only in my head. A glance at the majority of the most popular comments here, and the fact you are getting downvotes, proves that pretty substantially.
I don't doubt my exes jack off to the thought of me. But considering I'm 30 and haven't sent any nudes in over a decade, if they used those as material, that would be… well, actually and tangibly illegal in many countries.
Truth