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Lolita, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 30, 2022
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“it seems like a mistake every time…” What are you getting out of this other than feeling used?
Dump him and get tested for STDs
Any animal or child abuse is a no for me.
Yeah, agreed. It doesn’t make sense that with her history of abuse, she would not tell her supposed trusted spouse information for her own safety, and would return to a potentially dangerous environment that she had hidden from her spouse.
She seems desperate to control the flow of information to her husband (I know why), and won’t give him information or take action to prove her actual innocence.
Thinking about this for a second, she’s sheltering her supposed abusers from her supposedly trusted and loved spouse. Nah, she wasn’t assaulted, this turned into a consensual threesome and she needs to keep that info from her husband.
How do I convince her otherwise?
You don't. It's time to have some self respect, pack and leave. She is literally stating that she will cheat off you don't agree to open the marriage.
He’s gaslighting you. Not worth the heartache he will continue to cause.
Let her go so she can find her husband. If you’re not able or wiling to love her like she needs and give her that ring-LEAVE HER BE.
Yes, you should. He cheated. But I would also think long and nude about if you want to be with someone who had no respect for your relationship even if it was 2 years ago. From personal experience, this kind of history repeats itself and it doesn’t get better if you choose to forgive it.
I like to think they were over exaggerating for effect. But one really dared testing it.
Sometimes it's the moment where the other person moves on where it really hits home. Twice as hot in your case because you were in a head space where it seemed like there may have been a chance to get back together.
If you really want to keep the friendship it's still ok to have a bit of distance apart for a bit. Sometimes that can help after a relationship, gives you some real time to separate the friendship from the relationship, maybe even meet someone yourself etc…
withholding truth is the same as lying
He wanted to spend some time with a friend for his birthday and enjoy a fun convention and you decided to message him to complain whilst he was still there. His reaction was awful but your behaviour wasn't great, too. People are entitled to enjoy time away with friends without their partners, and you wanted to make it about you and what you've missed out on. There's lots of comments here saying he's the one in the wrong and whilst I agree his actions were shitty, you were wrong as well. Let the man breath.
You need to ask her this directly. Did she contact them for support or not? Could she be using this to hoover you? Can you contact them?
You had different plans for the future and parted ways instead of wasting each others time. More people should have the maturity and self awareness to be able to do what you do.
You have already hurt her.
Either invite both of them or do not include them at all. Imagine if your brother invited you to a party and told you to leave your gf at home.
Part of life is learning to tolerate people who are important in the lives of people that are important to you. You may not like L, but the more you show that, the further you push your brother right into her arms.
Replied above ^
Do you work? There are jobs (like mine) where you just can’t take off during certain times of the month/year. You’re taking this personally when it’s not like that. Adults realize that work comes before celebrating a birthday. If he’s working every day then it’s obviously a super busy time and he can’t take time off.
If you're looking for something exclusive, you're gonna have to compete for it and win her over. Otherwise, you'll just have to be content with the situation as it stands IMHO. If the sex is good, maybe it's worth the money you spend on dates.
I can see where you are coming from. A lot of people are saying they are just friends and that you should be okay with it. I personally think that every relationship should have their own set of boundaries. If this is not something thats you are comfortable with, then you should communicate this with her. If the roles where reversed, would she be okay with this? A great start as some said, would be meeting this guy. Ask her if the three of you can hang out. Your feelings are valid but you dont know the true intentions of either of them just yet. With that being said, you still need to trust your wife. If they really are just friends, that's great. Your wife has a new friend and you should be happy for her. If something else is going on, you should have no regret since you did your duty in trusting your partner.