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Date: October 30, 2022
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It's only been a couple of weeks since Thanksgiving. There's no way she would get a positive on a pregnancy test. So either she was already pregnant, she's lying, or this is fake.
My ex did this. Accused me of cheating constantly even though I wasn’t. It started with yelling and gaslighting. Going through my phones and emails. Then it escalated because he thought it was okay to scream and hit me because I was a liar. “We are both awful now” he would say.
Anyone who actually cares about you will believe what you say. Maybe not instantly, but pretty quickly. If he loves and trusts you this wouldn’t even be an issue.
Do yourself a favor and just leave. Even when you prove it he won’t believe you.
Ok first – you should lose the weight for you . If YOU feel better than great but don't do it just to get back with him.
What happens if you lose weight now, but gained it back then you would be in the same situation all over.
If he doesn't like/love you at whatever size you ate, it's not a good sign.
I think the first objective is do you feel healthy ? If no then work on losing weight and honestly after you look better you will have more confidence and that might make you more attractive to someone betree than him.
Tell them, we’ll actually im cutting you two off, and do it first.
“Throwing your life away” as opposed to them throwing their children away.
Their mad that you don’t financially depend on them, as a lot of young adults do these days.
He will only change if he wants to change not if you demand him change. That's why he reverts to his behavior. He doesn't see a problem with his behavior therefore any change will be temporary. You either accept him for how he is now and not who you want him to be or move on.
This definitely sounds like more of a you problem than a society problem. Sure dating apps often bring about bad sex/dating habits, but what you said in the last paragraph screams red flags. Anyone in a serious relationship knows that there's more than just sexual attraction and financial or family concerns.
There's this thing called love which is harder to find, but even a basic relationship revolves around communication, trust, emotional security, fulfillment, balance, and overall enjoying each others company.
You didn't discuss how you want any of that in a relationship or even the personality you are looking for and mainly talked about women in terms of sexual attraction and childbearing.
Please stop ranting on reddit about how society is fucked because you're the one making everything about sex, kids, and money when nobody wants to on-line with someone like that. This isn't a try out or audition. Work out and grind hard sure, but realize the faults in your character and “requirements” first, then a girl you like will like u back. Then, if you do it right, you won't have to worry about that aggressive competitiveness again because the love is mutual.
Sincerely, a 5' 7″, mildly attractive bisexual male in a relationship with another bisexual male for 9 awesome months
My thought was if she reacts poorly, both she and her partner would now be uncomfortable hanging out with me, and it would make the whole situation worse. It makes sense to say something though, maybe I’ll phrase it more like a question
Just break up with her. She would have no issue doing it to you. Your 19. Move on and actually be happy without compromises.
Ok my post was not informative enough, I see that. We have a norm we’ve both been happy with, which is about once a week. However this month we’ve had things like his mothers 2 week visit and being sick come in between it and he hasn’t been in the right mood because of those things. I know that means it’s been due to external factors, but I can’t help but worry because of his reaction that this could be the norm for us one day. I have to wait to talk to him about it since it’s the middle of the night now, but I wanted to turn to reddit to find out if this kind of thing is normal in a.
It’s not that I don’t understand him not being in the mood if we’re entertaining family that’s staying in our home for weeks every day, it’s that his reaction was bad and his expression of wants and feelings was also super poor. It left me totally not knowing what he thinks about this. But I’m to blame for that partly, because I brought it up when it was really late and I knew he was tired and not in the mood for a big discussion. I was just really wanting to feel reassured.
What you wrote combined with the whipped comment, it looks like OP is mad that she isn't the only one whipping the husband.
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Sorry to say mate but you're already single.
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Not a big deal in my opinion. You both didn’t cheat on anyone. It’s been 6 months not 6 weeks. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
Sorry not yelling arguing.
Why do you get mad when she says something unpleasant about you when you did something to warrant it. Your actions do have consequences. And you switching up after you aren’t getting the attention you want won’t make it any better.
And you aren’t stopping because you make a fool out of yourself. You stop because you lazily tried and have you really fast.
So you two always planned to start a family but now after 4 years he is suddenly changing his mind.
OP, the chances of you divorcing him, finding another guy, dating and being in a relationship witb said new guy, and having a baby with him is higher than your chances of having a baby at 45. Not to mention the risks of having a kid at 45.
Make the right decision while you still can
Her rebounding and putting the blame on you is 100% NOT your fault. This is her own guilt not taking responsibility for her own actions. You know the truth and you know you weren’t trying to rebound, and that’s all that matters. She created the narrative in her own head and this is 100% her own fault. She can continue to blame you for it, but you need to realize that this was never your fault.
It sounds like she’s regretting the breakup. It sounds like you still have feelings for each other. This is normal. If you still want to be with her, then you may want to have a long conversation with her about it. However, she did rebound, and you need to be comfortable with that if you take her back. Personally, I wouldn’t.
Still, I do think blocking her on everything is the best for both of you right now.
When she leaves you will march your happy butt into the bathroom and say “She loves me. She picked me. Trust or leave”. You're gonna have a whole train wreck if you treat someone like they committed someone else's crimes.
I think that’s why it would be best to work on yourself for a bit, of course don’t neglect her but also put work into your self esteem and mental health
People don’t. And because he’s probably okay with it, he hasn’t ever thought about it like that either.
People are so fast to jump when it’s sexual or obviously intimate, but forget that cuddling and other forms of contact are actually intimate.
They also forget that when you are awake, you can consent. As soon as you go to sleep, the consent is gone, not just the ability to consent, but the consent itself.
So anything you or he wants to do when waking up again requires consent again.
Now sometimes in a relationship consent can be given for something to happen within a set boundary (never taken for granted, but assumed based on previous discussion and approval)
So you might say to him that you love being cuddled, so he never needs to ask you if you want a cuddle, but if you are in a place where you don’t feel comfortable (mentally, physically or the location) that you will let him know that you don’t want to cuddle and you expect him to stop straight away. And so long as both parties keep to this, he knows that he can come up to you and give you a hug and you will be okay with it, or you will tell him to stop.
So leave him
He definitely over reacted. Stuff like this happens all the time especially when people live together. Is anything else going on in his life that may be stressing him out?
I see a lot of comments here saying that it's not cheating because they hadn't discussed being exclusive.
Is that something sort of American thing? Like if you're seeing someone but don't say those magic words then you're free to bang as many people as you want?
In my book she did cheat. They had been seeing each other for a fee months, she was round his house several times a week, they talked everyday……..then the first time she's away from him she bangs a couple of random guys? Clearly their relationship didn't mean anything to her
Wow, this is an extremely empathetic and well thought out post. Thanks for validating my thoughts – because I truly think it's based on logic/reason, not just emotion.
There are also times where she's gotten drunk (because she likes to drink – i don't) and will get extremely argumentative and has slapped/punched me, pretended to call the cops and make up a fake crime (and i recorded that video), would flirt with another guy and say he's attractive, etc… Even when I say i absolutely hate and am disgusted by the person she is when she's drunk, she still gets drunk on occasion and becomes that person. Those are some other red flags which I left out.
You can totally have a healthy pregnancy at 40, you never know until you try, and as you note there are plenty of other options.
There are some great charts of the increasing risks but even at the worst many of the risks are still like 1/100 so not very likely.
Best of luck.
Thank you this is actually very helpful ??
Anyone being hung up on their partner’s past, body counts, or whatever- I just don’t get it. You’re with each other now, that’s what’s important right? It’s a huge red flag, it’s just immaturity, it’s possessiveness, it’s insecurity. And everyone I know agrees with me!!!!
Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If it rankles you that he wants to go through your phone, say no. If that's a deal breaker for him, or if he wants to start making accusations based on the fact that you value your privacy, show him where all the doors in your home are.
If he really had severe allergies you would have seen this before, and he wouldn’t be embarrassed about it. Sweating and being antsy aren’t allergy symptoms. He’s gaslighting you. Fuck that guy.
Hi! Person here with suuuper bad environmental and food allergies. They have included emergency situations, ER visits and VIGILANT awareness of where I’m going and being prepared for them….
Also, familiar with drug users.
Your BF hella did Coke. As everyone has said, your instincts are correct. BOUNCE.
Good luck!!
Oh honey, you know what he’s doing is a marriage killer.
If you can get the phone take it to a data expert and recover it. If you can’t, then you need to sit him down and get him to spill.
This will eat at you forever until you get the truth.
He clearly doesn’t respect your time or effort, if he did then he would be ready when he said he would. He doesn’t even care if it’s cold or you have to pee is this really somebody you want to give yourself to.
To be fair it doesn't look like she would mind if you ended it
Don’t be a bit on the side to an older man looking for work time fun. You will never, ever take priority. You deserve better than that, no one deserves to be used.
We've talked extensively about everything before we got engaged to make sure we are actually compatible and this won't end in failure. We don't argue often but we always talk about it after to solve it. We already run decisions by each other (like I said). Idk how to explain it. It's just like this thing I've been waiting for years is finally here. It's a big commitment in the eyes of the gov.
She had many moments to stop from doing that, being warned by her mother and friend, and even after being found out she lied though the very end, anything you found out is because she tols you, it was all because you found out by yourself, wtf are you staying with her? Do you really want to build a family with her
He doesn’t have money for rent. He’s not taking you to court.
Your comment gives me hope. That is so cute! She definitely has a crush on you for sure. She has quite the courage to do all of that. She’s definitely hinting that she’s crushing on you. And now she’s single. I find it very sweet that she can bring you joy while you feel like a grouch. I hope nothing but the best for you two!