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Xander lee, 18 y.o.
Location: United States
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Date: October 31, 2022
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he was the one requesting my company. he was the one that didn't have a plan and asked me where to meet.
She had a two year affair, and it's been six months since she's last contacted her boyfriend. Why makes you think she'd confess? Whatever guilt she feels didn't stop her from accepting her fiancé's proposal, let alone the wedding.
Your friends full of it. She isn't remorseful, she's just feeling some rediual guilt, but her selfishness is getting in the way of doing the right thing. Do the poor bloke a favor, and expose what happened before they tie the knot. She's had ample time to confess.
You don’t win all the fights. Size matters. You can do everything right and still lose.
All these things I’ve learned are true. Source: a grown man who doesn’t fight people anymore
Acknowledging the point at all. I don’t think she needs to give in and I don’t think it’s like a competition and there’s a single winner. It’s design after all, you know? My idea for its potential isn’t the only path forward. Likewise, whenever she makes a suggestion in day-to-day stuff that makes more sense or is an alternative to my suggestion, I try to always acknowledge that it has merit or is just as valid/valuable.
You’re right about the stubborn part. I feel like my suggestions or ideas are being put down or unheard and I’ll admit I’m almost unforgiving when that happens.
I’ve definitely phrased my post poorly I think. I tried to build it a lot using this most recent example because I hoped it would have some evidence I’m not seeing that others would. I just want to be heard and whenever I find something lacking or in need of improvement that I can just be heard instead of being treated as an aggressor. I don’t even expect anything to change, I just want to not be defended against or whatever just for voicing my thoughts. Currently it feels like I say, “it’s not my favorite,” and the response is, “what are saying, it’s awesome! You just don’t like it/anything!” And I don’t want it to feel like that.
If you're like me who tends to compare oneself to others baka lang same ka din saken na di confident sa sarili mo. We tend to compare since we are envious of what they have or we just don't see our best merits siguro
Everyone here I understand what is being said not to make a huge deal about it but there are times where something like this has blown up and it turned out the girl was cheating so I think we should go easy on OP because we would all be supporting if it turned out differently. Also miss dialing a number I get it but why is his contact still in her phone. And when I miss dial it takes me a second to realize and hang up 3 seconds seems like something is up even though nothing happened I can cause for alarm. I’m not necessarily saying he was right not to trust her but it also seems what’s the big deal him looking and seeing no point to break up that might have strengthen trust.
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Honey, she likes you lol. If you're interested ask her out, if not then I would gently make it clear you only like her as a friend.
So he sees it as performative. I'm not sure why he doesn't give you the benefit of the doubt that you are doing it because you care for your friend
Exactly!!! This was very well worded.
“Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.” – Uncle Iroh
You’re inability to let her help you just makes you seem incredibly insecure, and deprive her of an opportunity to feel valuable, especially when you’re low on cash. Try to be humble and helped once in while and you will find you don’t have anything to prove, and people like you for who you are.
Do you know why the adoption isn't allowed? Anything you two can do to change that? Some work around to bring him to the US now?
Nope
Sure can
Yes, unfortunately, and sorry.
I (35F) learned this just two weeks ago in therapy. I'm an adult now. I don't need “mommy's love” like a child does. As an adult, I can have a healthy adult love relationship with my spouse/SO.
Even though he and I have been married for seven years, emotional issues with my mom kept creeping back into my life– and my marriage. I've put a stop to it since coming to understand the difference.
My mother's love was transactional. I never knew unconditional love and acceptance. I had to ask for affection. It was never given freely or even offered. I was parentified and used as my mom's emotional support crutch for many, many years.
I'm the oldest of three in what was a single-parent household. I was making my own lunch and doing laundry at eight. I started dinners, was in charge of making sure homework and housework were done by the time I was 11. I was also very mature and looked older than my age. So much so that people started asking me to babysit their kids. Kids who were only a few years younger then me.
The lasting, ripple effect of this upbringing is still unraveling itself and stirring up things emotionally. I have a focus for therapy this year, as I know I want to not only heal this issue, I want to break the generational trauma that Was passed down to me.
My mom was my late grandmother's “little helper”; she was my late grandfather's favorite. She was sent out to greet and “soften” him up so as to hopefully prevent upheaval upon his entrance home. She, along with her siblings (who were significantly abused as she witnessed) would clean the house to try and appease both parents. Highly, highly dysfunctional all around.
I'm the end point in all this. It stops with me. My kids (5F and 3M) know love and cuddles and silliness and I don't require any stupid extras from them. I love and accept them for who they are, as they are. They still are expected to do age-appropriate things like clear their plates from the table, put their folded laundry away, and clean up after themselves, but I would never love them less for any reason.
As someone who's maternal relationship is skewed, I HIGHLY recommend therapy to learn boundaries and to heal before you and your bf ever consider having kids.
You sound like a bright and capable woman. I wish only the best as you navigate these issues.
Did he show extreme concern after injuring you? Did he take you to the hospital/offer to cover your medical expenses (if you are American)? I think if he had, you wouldn’t wonder if maybe he didn’t know he was hurting you, as you say.
If you needed stitches, he would have to be blind and deaf not to notice. That’s what disturbed me reading your story, I’m very sorry this happened to you.
If she can travel with someone for 2 weeks if you go she can afford the ticket
it’s definitely going to effect your relationship . so he prepared for the worst . i
This would have ended in bloodshed, that's a thick red nopeline for me, dawg.
Though good intentioned, this is totally manipulative on his part. Then when you pointed out that you had a mutual agreement that he ignored, getting angry is not a great response. You may both love each other, but it sounds like this relationship has run it’s course. For the future, if in a similar situation, thinking you could live together and not have the kids in the picture was a little naive.
Your boyfriend is a loser. Dump him.
You leave and block him on everything immediately without any explanation whatsoever. No contact again, ever.
50% of the video were teen videos.
Most porn is teen porn. Whether the actors in it are actually teens or not, most porn has teen in the title somewhere. The fact it is only 50% tells me he generally prefers older women in his porn.
their breasts are not fully developed
What makes you think they aren't fully developed? Because they were flat? A lot of adult women are very flat chested, and it isn't a sign they aren't fully developed.
Also I noticed he gets sexually aroused when I dress up looking youthful, looking like a teen.
He gets aroused when his 41 year old girlfriend dresses up sexy, and it is just more common for younger women to dress up sexy so you associate it with how teens dress despite it having nothing to do with youth.
None of those are red flags. It sounds like you are trying to protect your girls, which is admirable, but are taking it so far that you are overreacting to perfectly normal things.
You are not loyal and i highly doubt that you really sleep with them. I know you only want to provoke me so whatever let you sleep at night honey.
This is a fake troll story. OP made a new one when the last one got locked. Don’t give them karma to feed their fetish!!
Yeah, that lawyer is garbage. He should file for a paternity test, then go from there. If he isn’t the dad, he needs to file an immediate restraining order.
Also, make sure he saves all the texts, messages and emails shes sent him. Of he isn’t the dad, it’ll make the restraining order way easier. If he IS the dad, him showing her being insane might get him full custody.
??? But guys and girls have sleepovers all the time and it isn't awkward or weird…
Yes, it's creepy as fuck and the fact you think she's nature for her age makes it even creepier.
I meant the option as in, it’s very hot to find anyone who hasn’t got a massive number of casual partners at this age
Not all ex's are created equal. This one is trash. Take him to the curb and leave him there where he belongs.
I can tell you it will never happen, because no matter what you achieve, you will always look at those who have achieved more to discredit your success.
You cannot overcome insecurity by simply becoming very good at things, because it doesn't fix the core issue. Plenty of very attractive people have destroyed their bodies through plastic surgeries because they couldn't cope with the idea of not being THE prettiest person, and were in fact, more insecure than most average people in their looks.
Confidence also comes from acknowledging and being at peace with your own weaknesses and shortcomings. No one is perfect, but those who refuse to deal with that reality are doomed to suffer much more than those who accept it.
Okay so you’re not gonna come on here and act like this towards people when you posted on a sub for ADVICE. They’re telling you what you should do and if you already know that then why ask? Nobody ever said it would be easy. How about you stop being rude and actually chill out and just realize you asked for advice and people are giving it to you. If that’s not what you want then don’t ask for it
Lmao you’re too much. Can’t wait for you to post again in a week with some new bullshit
You go through is phone, clearly don't trust him, and confide in male friends about your relationship.
He cheats on you.
I don't want to give the typical Reddit answer but it's probably best you go your seperate ways at this point…
I'm concerned that he attempted to justify this by saying that this young woman “has a history of sending him and their other Foster brothers these same nudes…” – that sounds like victim blaming. After all why did he still have the picture on his phone? Well done on packing up to leave. Don't look back, you have your life ahead of you. Wishing you the very best.
If her pussy was as good as a manastone, he would log off. Get gud
You have a husband but you don’t have a partner.
If he won’t get help and make improvements then he has checked out and the marriage is done. I can’t believe you’ve stuck around this long—especially living with his parents!
You’re young. Get out and go find your happy place. This is ridiculous.
Husband is the BEST dad.
So? You can coparent without being a couple.
And affair was pretty much in his face he just didn’t care to notice
This doesn't make anything better. You created a toxic environment for your kids and need to stop this bs.
It’s not worth being friends with a weirdo like that.
My husband and I have been together for 17 years and for the first 16 years, we shared one single bank account. All paychecks went into one account and that’s what we used for play money and spend money.
Over the years, he just loved buying things. Out of our play money, it was like 90% him and 10% me. I never went without, but I’m more of a “save it for a rainy day or the future” and he’s more of the “I worked very hot for my money and j like buying things”
We started arguing over his spending. He started a business last year that is mow making six figures. So the money that comes in from that, is now essentially his play money. Everything from before still goes into the joint account so it’s the best of both worlds.
All that to say – money is a huge stressor in a relationship and it’s vital you guys work together and are on the same page.