I know it's going to be hot to go against the good will she might have earned when things are good, and the way she makes you feel that led to you wanting to marry her, but she showed you a glimpse of who she really is. This cheating, thrill-seeking and boundary busting woman, who only came forward when the other guy threatened her “perfect situation”, is who you would be staying in a relationship with and would be marrying. Ask yourself honestly, do you want that for yourself?
Him not taking his shirt off and being self conscious have nothing to do with you and what you like. He doesn't like it and likely never will. When you compliment him, don't focus on his stomach; that will likely make his insecurities worse. Instead just tell him he's attractive and you love him. Don't try to pressure him to let you touch his stomach or anything, that will likely make him feel extremely self conscious.
Think of it this way….if the situation were reversed and you gained 50lbs, would you think it would be nice to hear him tell you “man, I love how huge your gut is?” Even if he genuinely means it, that isn't a compliment that inspires someone to feel secure with their body.
Oh YIKES. I guess I didn't read that properly. They actively told you it couldn't be related to his surgery? Holy shit, I'd be pissed. I'm so sorry. That's negligence.
I am an adult now and he only just turned 22. He really does love me but just like what you said since we are a LDR I have no other choice but to send him nudes to feel like I can keep him sexually satisfied.
That's really awful, I'm sorry that happened. But you didn't set out to date a psycho, while your husband cheated on you intentionally. Any one of his encounters could have brought you diseases or introduced a crazy person into your lives too.
You didn't make that man blackmail you or abuse you just because you weren't over your ex. The correct response would have been for him to stop seeing you. He was just a bad guy full stop.
Are you trying to make your actions equal to your ex husband's so you can help yourself move on from the fact that he cheated multiple times?
Are you afraid to separate and make your own decisions because you feel like you made a horrible mistake with the guy you chose to date?
If your husband wants to get back together then obviously you can. You would need marriage counseling and therapy etc. Whether you should get back together is another question altogether…
We always romantice our 'first [everything]' to a hyper toxic degree. Believe me he sounds like a real piece of shit and if you wanna be 'malicious' you should ruin his chances to working things out with YOU.
I don't want to sound condescending but you're being so hyper naive and afraid to leave your boyfriend because he's been your 'first' and are afraid to be single.. but the alternative is being with a lying piece of shit who believe me is going to do this again and again and again.
I vibe with this story and feel for you. I married my now ex wife when we were both 21, after we had dated since we were both18. After about 7 years of marriage she started to go out and party with single friends. Eventually just as I was about to finish grad school I got the line “I haven't loved you for the past year, either you move out or I'm moving out”. So I moved out. I had some hope until she filed for divorce and then finalized the divorce as soon as possible. After that I decided I was done. The vows she took apparently didn't mean that much to her. I also found out she had been having an affair. That didn't work out for her as he partied more than she did and apparently got into a lot of bar fights. 3 months after the divorce finalized she was back at my door crying and saying she made a mistake and wanted to get back together. My response was I don't know how to do this if I don't trust you, I can't do this. I had started to heal some of the pain from her actions, but this last move started my pain all over again. Spare your self and move on while she “finds herself” because she's not gonna find her self doing LSD or Molly at a rave. You can make that choice instead of waiting to see if when she finds her self your included in her idea of her new perfect life. Let her go do her thing and find positive ways to work through your pain because she is not worth destroying or damaging your self for no matter how great she was.
He invited you months ago and there was no mention of money. Now he wants you to pay $335. If I were you, I would send him something like this: “I regret that I will not be able to attend the family Christmas”. I would also quit the family group chat. There really should be no arguing about it. He changed the details of the invitation months later, which also changes your response to the invitation. If he gets upset, tell him that next time he should tell you the details in advance instead of surprising you at the last minute.
It's been my experience that when people of two vastly different economic classes hook-up, the wealthier partner will either be stingy and expect more than what their partner can afford for frivolous things (yes, a holiday vacation is frivolous as it is a luxury and not a need) or be giving with the added undertone of suspecting their partner is a gold digger. It's not always the case, but it is enough times to expect this dynamic.
The wealthy do not care to understand that regular people can't plunk down a few hundred dollars on short notice. They do not understand the debilitating stress of owing more money that you can afford to pay off resulting in you having to sacrifice basic needs. Most don't bother making the effort TO understand.
i know its said a lot, but i would honestly bet well over a thousand dollars that if the genders were reversed, literally all you’d be talking about would be the age and therefore power difference. Your lack of compassion is because the victim is a man.
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See a lawyer. Your making assumptions without knowing. I know plenty of fathers who have gotten custody. You can afford a lawyer when you stop supporting her. Their are consequences to her behavior. Don’t coddle her. It’s hot af. But think of the kids.
So what will happen if you're injured and hospitalized? Under the terms of your current relationship, your girlfriend would not only denied access to you but she would not be allowed to make decisions on your behalf because she's not your wife. The same is true in reverse if your girlfriend is hospitalized. You don't need a marriage to prove your love but you do need marriage for purely secular reasons.
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To add extra nuts – you're not transphobic enough to not be her friend, but you're transphobic to not want to wreck sheets with her???
And SO WHAT if the reason really was that she's trans. To each their own and all that.
You can tell her Reddit would like to pass along a message for her friends…. Calm the hell down, and if that doesn't work, they make meds for mean angry people. ?❤️
Trust comes from acting in accordance with what you say you’re going to do. So if you had an affair, you stop seeing your AP. You can’t be expected to believe she’s stopped the affair if she continues to see the guy every day. Her actions must match her words. If they don’t, she’s not asking you to trust her – she’s asking you to be naive and gullible.
I wouldn’t want your partners boss to hear about this in any way. So I wouldn’t create any drama that he could find out about. After you graduate you will want his help networking to find a good position. He absolutely won’t want to hear that he helped scammers or worse, think that you are “jealous “. The refugees sound like they have quite a bit of resources by now, they speak English, they’ve moved out. They are actually ready to be independent; let them go without any drama. You are a busy grad student, Christmas is over, new term, it makes perfect sense for you to become quite busy and completely unavailable. Start saying if they contact you about how well established they are (don’t need anything more). You can mention some totals (gifts, money) in a very “wow, it’s so great you’ve gotten such a great amount of support for your new life!” if they ask for more help. When they ask for rides etc you ask them if they need help finding the website with all the bus schedules etc so they can integrate into city life in Canada. Basically play dumb, be very satisfied with how well they’ve been treated, and of course incessantly busy with school. If all fails and they try to guilt you into more help, simply mention that your partner has been looking into helping other refugees and he is simply too strapped for time or resources to continue helping them since they’ve already arrived and have received so much. Wish them well, grit your teeth, and ring off forever. Feel free to block them after that. Definitely don’t stir this pot or sour the experience with partners boss!
Agreed. Either he is (wrongly) thinking a new town will fix all his problems, like some “geographic cure” OR he is hoping to isolate OP while he gets shittier-and-shittier to her.
Wow. I was reading and was like that's a little creepy but still kinda cute crush behavior… until I got to the part where he said he followed you and wanted to assault you… Wtf! Noooooooope! And! And! Then he then tries to turn it around back on you by saying what's passed is past and he accepts you despite you not being worthy of him. (yes I know he used different words, but this is the true meaning behind them)
Once the honeymoon phase is over this guy is gonna treat you really shitty, I can all but guarantee it. Yuck.
And definitely let them know this was the reason for the break-up, which was initiated by OP. Otherwise, they may assume OP is just bitter and making a false report.
If I can add some advice. Don’t stay in a relationship because you feel it’s the right thing to do, that staying is the nice thing. It’s the very beginning and it’s never been a relationship. He’s not a nice man. Please listen to your friends.
Well, that is a pattern you are definitely going to have to reflect on, obviously, but regarding this scenario I will put it like this:
Whatever negative scenario you worry about coming from ending or at least confronting this now, it is absolutely nothing compared to the version of that scenario that would play out as a result of you fully burning out.
Like while you've still got the energy you can talk, reason, accomodate, look into support options, etc. But if you just keep getting more and more fatigued and then one day you take a nap or watch a movie with a friend and you come out to 200 messages and you just say fuck this and send her something snarky or turn off your phone or call and tell her to leave you alone, and keep in mind this is still all pretty tame, you know the reaction will be a million times worse. And that's assuming these simple scenarios, eventually she will press too hot and you will just scream, howl, in her face and you will potentially say things you never imagined you could and it will scare you that at that moment you meant it.
Just be careful. I know you think dragging it out is the better thing to do for her or find it nude to rip the bandaid but I am sure you've already sensed you ability to humour this slipping. And that's not even factoring all the potentially lifelong damage she is doing to you emotionally, something that even if she magically got cured tomorrow would still take you a long time to heal from… and she won't be changing potentially ever at this rate.
I know I am hitting you with the grim talk but friend, I want to be honest with you: I think right now you really need to consider the potential outcomes of the path you are walking.
Are you discussing this problem at the right time? Like when she is calm and sober on a Saturday morning? Or after she’s been drinking or about to start?
I’m really sorry dude. I believe in pro choice but sadly that also means the man having no choice or say even if he does want to keep the baby if the woman does not. If she does, I’d try to tell yourself you don’t know for sure that it was, but if it bothers you no harm in going to counseling and getting support to process through this also. I had a a couple friend where she had an abortion, and it did effect him mentally. Take care of your mental health.
It's awesome that you are trying to be proactive and have these key conversations, but there is no point setting such “firm” timelines and goals, because sometimes life happens. The whole key is to be able to adapt, communicate, and compromise together, not follow a set plan.
One of the most important things to discuss is how you will merge and organize your finances.
OP was a literal child and had his entire world shattered.
Until he found out it wasn't an affair, it was concensual and OK with his dad. That isn't any more earth shattering than finding anything else about your parents sex life. This response, and OP's, is incredibly immature and self centered. In the realm of things parents do to screw up their kids this isnt even top 50.
Your parents have sex. Its probably weird some times. It might involve other people. It might be vanilla as all hell. Who knows. But theyre real people and its not some inherently evil concept.
They didn’t “lie to you your whole life”, they just didn’t share intimate details that were (a) none of your business and (b) age inappropriate to share with an under 16 year old. Your fiancé is right, you need to get over it – they didn’t mistreat you, or abuse you, or otherwise harm you, they were adults doing adult things in an ethical way that had nothing to do with you
It has nothing to do with respecting you or not, and as for your demands that they should have stopped their sex life because you didn’t like it ??? you’re not the centre of the universe and at 22 and about to get married it’s about time you worked that out
My experience with men/people in general is that they rarely change. Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. If you were at the point of depression and he still did not pick up the slack, I think that’s a good sign he will not in the future . That being said, sometimes men mature a little later than women. But if you want to build a family with this person I would go off the assumption he will not change.
Marriage for me is just a piece of paper we are still in a relationship and nothing much will change after. I don't know why people are downvoting me. She said she is open with adoption or having no kids so the timeline shouldn't be that small. I love her yes but currently, the me emotionally and financially isn't ready.
When people do this, is your wife being active in shitting it down? I don't mean like saying she's not being abused when asked, I mean does she assertively tell the person that they're wrong?
I weirdly don’t feel angry about it – just a mixture of relief that I finally know the truth and fear that my perfect life could be about to end.
Good, you've already started the mourning process.
The reality of life is that a ton of couples live through infidelity and it doesn't become a huge, nuclear issue.
You know your wife is an unfaithful person… why feel like you have to get mad or act surprised? In a way, that might be the best possible approach.
“Why would I be horrified? Why would I be surprised? I'm pissed about how dishonest you are, but I already know you're an unfaithful woman. It's not surprising. It's not a revelation.”
I reassured him that I didn't call his cat fat. I'm honestly not even completely sure if she is chubby! Because her fur is short and very thick, it's hot to tell. I'm also unsure about the fur/fat ratio but she definitely looks like a healthy cat! Just shaped in a way that makes her look a bit chubby, that's all. Definitely squishy though :))
I don't know what you mean by 'games'? This wasn't a deliberate test I threw in his face. I was confident in our relationship, and wanted the same praise I just heard him give his cat lol. Or I wanted him to roast me, I think that's funny too.
I dont care about the 7, I care about the fact that he suddenly gave a rating on my looks AND personality and essentially admitted that I'm missing something. I never intended for him to answer this seriously.
Like, what was your husband thinking??? Why the fuck would he take her number if he’s not planning to cheat?
She’s a succubus, she’s tanked her own marriage because that’s the kind of person she is. She’s a train wreck who is hellbent on crashing with a carriage load of people onboard. You need to tell your husband how upset you are.
ask him about a divorce, bet he whines and cries against it or says yes to get what he wants. you deserve better either way, he doesn't respect your feelings. you're allowed to change your mind, in the moment it probably sounded like a good idea to you.
Spoke to him before I picked up the notification for your response. Told him the issues I have with not going on dates vs the amount of sex we have – to which he said I’m thinking too much in to things, and that’s it’s been raining and/or cold which is why he hasn’t wanted to go out. That he wasn’t genuinely frustrated about me not wanting sex; that he was just taking the piss. Then went to bed ??♀️ confused myself more.
I had a boyfriend that died abruptly.. a month later I found out he was cheating on me. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I know it’s silly but I ended up seeing a medium. I didn’t mention anything to her about him cheating, he brought it up himself. It was the closure I needed. I still love that man, would do it all over again. But idk… this is a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck
He isn’t the controlling type. Tbh probably because I’m a hot woman to control. But yes for example that’s one massive difference between our relationship and his relationship with her (well at least the texts)
I think you're taking your response to her way too seriously. Just skim it and say something nice. If you ask her to stop sending, it'll become a whole thing.
Pack up his crap before he gets back and put it in a storage unit. Send him the address and lock combo and tell him he has one month to get it from storage because you're not paying for more than that. Then get a restraining order.
At the same time, her best friend left his job in Chicago and moved in with us, in FL.
This is a big deal. What happened with the best friend?
I know it's going to be hot to go against the good will she might have earned when things are good, and the way she makes you feel that led to you wanting to marry her, but she showed you a glimpse of who she really is. This cheating, thrill-seeking and boundary busting woman, who only came forward when the other guy threatened her “perfect situation”, is who you would be staying in a relationship with and would be marrying. Ask yourself honestly, do you want that for yourself?
Good way to handle this.
Be patient and I expect you will get a contact.
Him not taking his shirt off and being self conscious have nothing to do with you and what you like. He doesn't like it and likely never will. When you compliment him, don't focus on his stomach; that will likely make his insecurities worse. Instead just tell him he's attractive and you love him. Don't try to pressure him to let you touch his stomach or anything, that will likely make him feel extremely self conscious.
Think of it this way….if the situation were reversed and you gained 50lbs, would you think it would be nice to hear him tell you “man, I love how huge your gut is?” Even if he genuinely means it, that isn't a compliment that inspires someone to feel secure with their body.
That's disgusting, dump him.
Thank you!
Oh YIKES. I guess I didn't read that properly. They actively told you it couldn't be related to his surgery? Holy shit, I'd be pissed. I'm so sorry. That's negligence.
Why did you separate in the first place? How much time do you spend with your children? You don't seem to mention them at all.
What about the friend you overheard him talking to? Can you approach him and ask – do you know who this girl is? Etc to bait him ?
I am an adult now and he only just turned 22. He really does love me but just like what you said since we are a LDR I have no other choice but to send him nudes to feel like I can keep him sexually satisfied.
That's really awful, I'm sorry that happened. But you didn't set out to date a psycho, while your husband cheated on you intentionally. Any one of his encounters could have brought you diseases or introduced a crazy person into your lives too.
You didn't make that man blackmail you or abuse you just because you weren't over your ex. The correct response would have been for him to stop seeing you. He was just a bad guy full stop.
Are you trying to make your actions equal to your ex husband's so you can help yourself move on from the fact that he cheated multiple times?
Are you afraid to separate and make your own decisions because you feel like you made a horrible mistake with the guy you chose to date?
If your husband wants to get back together then obviously you can. You would need marriage counseling and therapy etc. Whether you should get back together is another question altogether…
21 and 53 was all i needed to see
We always romantice our 'first [everything]' to a hyper toxic degree. Believe me he sounds like a real piece of shit and if you wanna be 'malicious' you should ruin his chances to working things out with YOU.
I don't want to sound condescending but you're being so hyper naive and afraid to leave your boyfriend because he's been your 'first' and are afraid to be single.. but the alternative is being with a lying piece of shit who believe me is going to do this again and again and again.
I vibe with this story and feel for you. I married my now ex wife when we were both 21, after we had dated since we were both18. After about 7 years of marriage she started to go out and party with single friends. Eventually just as I was about to finish grad school I got the line “I haven't loved you for the past year, either you move out or I'm moving out”. So I moved out. I had some hope until she filed for divorce and then finalized the divorce as soon as possible. After that I decided I was done. The vows she took apparently didn't mean that much to her. I also found out she had been having an affair. That didn't work out for her as he partied more than she did and apparently got into a lot of bar fights. 3 months after the divorce finalized she was back at my door crying and saying she made a mistake and wanted to get back together. My response was I don't know how to do this if I don't trust you, I can't do this. I had started to heal some of the pain from her actions, but this last move started my pain all over again. Spare your self and move on while she “finds herself” because she's not gonna find her self doing LSD or Molly at a rave. You can make that choice instead of waiting to see if when she finds her self your included in her idea of her new perfect life. Let her go do her thing and find positive ways to work through your pain because she is not worth destroying or damaging your self for no matter how great she was.
He invited you months ago and there was no mention of money. Now he wants you to pay $335. If I were you, I would send him something like this: “I regret that I will not be able to attend the family Christmas”. I would also quit the family group chat. There really should be no arguing about it. He changed the details of the invitation months later, which also changes your response to the invitation. If he gets upset, tell him that next time he should tell you the details in advance instead of surprising you at the last minute.
It's been my experience that when people of two vastly different economic classes hook-up, the wealthier partner will either be stingy and expect more than what their partner can afford for frivolous things (yes, a holiday vacation is frivolous as it is a luxury and not a need) or be giving with the added undertone of suspecting their partner is a gold digger. It's not always the case, but it is enough times to expect this dynamic.
The wealthy do not care to understand that regular people can't plunk down a few hundred dollars on short notice. They do not understand the debilitating stress of owing more money that you can afford to pay off resulting in you having to sacrifice basic needs. Most don't bother making the effort TO understand.
Your husband lives with his mother and doesn't seem to care.
Repeat this a couple of times and ask yourself why he's still your husband.
you got a source for that?
Just end it and move on. You'll not regret the decision in the long run.
i know its said a lot, but i would honestly bet well over a thousand dollars that if the genders were reversed, literally all you’d be talking about would be the age and therefore power difference. Your lack of compassion is because the victim is a man.
well he got his dog from a puppy mill, so i’m assuming he doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does….
so..he keeps his exs around to play with.
he threatens you with anger/violence…don't know what else he would threaten other than violence.
and YOU are afraid YOU are going to fuck up??
YOU CAN'T FUCK UP IF YOU AREN'T AROUND HIM!!!
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See a lawyer. Your making assumptions without knowing. I know plenty of fathers who have gotten custody. You can afford a lawyer when you stop supporting her. Their are consequences to her behavior. Don’t coddle her. It’s hot af. But think of the kids.
Thank you, I will
So what will happen if you're injured and hospitalized? Under the terms of your current relationship, your girlfriend would not only denied access to you but she would not be allowed to make decisions on your behalf because she's not your wife. The same is true in reverse if your girlfriend is hospitalized. You don't need a marriage to prove your love but you do need marriage for purely secular reasons.
Oh you did! That failure in reading was all on me. ? Happy New Year!
Very true…
tell him you want the college experience too
Yeah his wife would be so glad that he fucked her sister six months after she died. Soooo glad.
Hahhahaha
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It’s over man
Holy WOW! That's freaking NUTS.
To add extra nuts – you're not transphobic enough to not be her friend, but you're transphobic to not want to wreck sheets with her???
And SO WHAT if the reason really was that she's trans. To each their own and all that.
You can tell her Reddit would like to pass along a message for her friends…. Calm the hell down, and if that doesn't work, they make meds for mean angry people. ?❤️
If she wants to stay with you, she quits her job.
Trust comes from acting in accordance with what you say you’re going to do. So if you had an affair, you stop seeing your AP. You can’t be expected to believe she’s stopped the affair if she continues to see the guy every day. Her actions must match her words. If they don’t, she’s not asking you to trust her – she’s asking you to be naive and gullible.
I wouldn’t want your partners boss to hear about this in any way. So I wouldn’t create any drama that he could find out about. After you graduate you will want his help networking to find a good position. He absolutely won’t want to hear that he helped scammers or worse, think that you are “jealous “. The refugees sound like they have quite a bit of resources by now, they speak English, they’ve moved out. They are actually ready to be independent; let them go without any drama. You are a busy grad student, Christmas is over, new term, it makes perfect sense for you to become quite busy and completely unavailable. Start saying if they contact you about how well established they are (don’t need anything more). You can mention some totals (gifts, money) in a very “wow, it’s so great you’ve gotten such a great amount of support for your new life!” if they ask for more help. When they ask for rides etc you ask them if they need help finding the website with all the bus schedules etc so they can integrate into city life in Canada. Basically play dumb, be very satisfied with how well they’ve been treated, and of course incessantly busy with school. If all fails and they try to guilt you into more help, simply mention that your partner has been looking into helping other refugees and he is simply too strapped for time or resources to continue helping them since they’ve already arrived and have received so much. Wish them well, grit your teeth, and ring off forever. Feel free to block them after that. Definitely don’t stir this pot or sour the experience with partners boss!
Not at all, but I don’t have the best family either. My mother is a recovering alcoholic- 1 year sober and this year she wanted us all there with her.
Disrespectful, move on. You'll get hurt again
DTMFA
My advice: just dont give a fuc*.
Maybe take the next woman’s words more seriously next time?
Agreed. Either he is (wrongly) thinking a new town will fix all his problems, like some “geographic cure” OR he is hoping to isolate OP while he gets shittier-and-shittier to her.
Wow. I was reading and was like that's a little creepy but still kinda cute crush behavior… until I got to the part where he said he followed you and wanted to assault you… Wtf! Noooooooope! And! And! Then he then tries to turn it around back on you by saying what's passed is past and he accepts you despite you not being worthy of him. (yes I know he used different words, but this is the true meaning behind them)
Once the honeymoon phase is over this guy is gonna treat you really shitty, I can all but guarantee it. Yuck.
And definitely let them know this was the reason for the break-up, which was initiated by OP. Otherwise, they may assume OP is just bitter and making a false report.
How long were you dating for?
YOU need to say something for YOU bc YOU matter too
If I can add some advice. Don’t stay in a relationship because you feel it’s the right thing to do, that staying is the nice thing. It’s the very beginning and it’s never been a relationship. He’s not a nice man. Please listen to your friends.
I dont understand why people are being so bitter, condescending and judgemental… nobody forced you to read this post or comment on it…
Well, that is a pattern you are definitely going to have to reflect on, obviously, but regarding this scenario I will put it like this:
Whatever negative scenario you worry about coming from ending or at least confronting this now, it is absolutely nothing compared to the version of that scenario that would play out as a result of you fully burning out.
Like while you've still got the energy you can talk, reason, accomodate, look into support options, etc. But if you just keep getting more and more fatigued and then one day you take a nap or watch a movie with a friend and you come out to 200 messages and you just say fuck this and send her something snarky or turn off your phone or call and tell her to leave you alone, and keep in mind this is still all pretty tame, you know the reaction will be a million times worse. And that's assuming these simple scenarios, eventually she will press too hot and you will just scream, howl, in her face and you will potentially say things you never imagined you could and it will scare you that at that moment you meant it.
Just be careful. I know you think dragging it out is the better thing to do for her or find it nude to rip the bandaid but I am sure you've already sensed you ability to humour this slipping. And that's not even factoring all the potentially lifelong damage she is doing to you emotionally, something that even if she magically got cured tomorrow would still take you a long time to heal from… and she won't be changing potentially ever at this rate.
I know I am hitting you with the grim talk but friend, I want to be honest with you: I think right now you really need to consider the potential outcomes of the path you are walking.
My ex did that to me, and he turned out to be all sorts of manipulative and gaslighting.
I’m not 25 yet
I said I wonder why they think it is. I didn't say it was not.
Are you discussing this problem at the right time? Like when she is calm and sober on a Saturday morning? Or after she’s been drinking or about to start?
I’m really sorry dude. I believe in pro choice but sadly that also means the man having no choice or say even if he does want to keep the baby if the woman does not. If she does, I’d try to tell yourself you don’t know for sure that it was, but if it bothers you no harm in going to counseling and getting support to process through this also. I had a a couple friend where she had an abortion, and it did effect him mentally. Take care of your mental health.
I agree, doesn’t matter how long I’ve been with the person or how well we get along, if they’re into that shit, I am out.
It's awesome that you are trying to be proactive and have these key conversations, but there is no point setting such “firm” timelines and goals, because sometimes life happens. The whole key is to be able to adapt, communicate, and compromise together, not follow a set plan.
One of the most important things to discuss is how you will merge and organize your finances.
OP was a literal child and had his entire world shattered.
Until he found out it wasn't an affair, it was concensual and OK with his dad. That isn't any more earth shattering than finding anything else about your parents sex life. This response, and OP's, is incredibly immature and self centered. In the realm of things parents do to screw up their kids this isnt even top 50.
Your parents have sex. Its probably weird some times. It might involve other people. It might be vanilla as all hell. Who knows. But theyre real people and its not some inherently evil concept.
They didn’t “lie to you your whole life”, they just didn’t share intimate details that were (a) none of your business and (b) age inappropriate to share with an under 16 year old. Your fiancé is right, you need to get over it – they didn’t mistreat you, or abuse you, or otherwise harm you, they were adults doing adult things in an ethical way that had nothing to do with you
It has nothing to do with respecting you or not, and as for your demands that they should have stopped their sex life because you didn’t like it ??? you’re not the centre of the universe and at 22 and about to get married it’s about time you worked that out
My experience with men/people in general is that they rarely change. Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. If you were at the point of depression and he still did not pick up the slack, I think that’s a good sign he will not in the future . That being said, sometimes men mature a little later than women. But if you want to build a family with this person I would go off the assumption he will not change.
Marriage for me is just a piece of paper we are still in a relationship and nothing much will change after. I don't know why people are downvoting me. She said she is open with adoption or having no kids so the timeline shouldn't be that small. I love her yes but currently, the me emotionally and financially isn't ready.
When people do this, is your wife being active in shitting it down? I don't mean like saying she's not being abused when asked, I mean does she assertively tell the person that they're wrong?
I weirdly don’t feel angry about it – just a mixture of relief that I finally know the truth and fear that my perfect life could be about to end.
Good, you've already started the mourning process.
The reality of life is that a ton of couples live through infidelity and it doesn't become a huge, nuclear issue.
You know your wife is an unfaithful person… why feel like you have to get mad or act surprised? In a way, that might be the best possible approach.
“Why would I be horrified? Why would I be surprised? I'm pissed about how dishonest you are, but I already know you're an unfaithful woman. It's not surprising. It's not a revelation.”
I reassured him that I didn't call his cat fat. I'm honestly not even completely sure if she is chubby! Because her fur is short and very thick, it's hot to tell. I'm also unsure about the fur/fat ratio but she definitely looks like a healthy cat! Just shaped in a way that makes her look a bit chubby, that's all. Definitely squishy though :))
I don't know what you mean by 'games'? This wasn't a deliberate test I threw in his face. I was confident in our relationship, and wanted the same praise I just heard him give his cat lol. Or I wanted him to roast me, I think that's funny too.
I dont care about the 7, I care about the fact that he suddenly gave a rating on my looks AND personality and essentially admitted that I'm missing something. I never intended for him to answer this seriously.
Like, what was your husband thinking??? Why the fuck would he take her number if he’s not planning to cheat?
She’s a succubus, she’s tanked her own marriage because that’s the kind of person she is. She’s a train wreck who is hellbent on crashing with a carriage load of people onboard. You need to tell your husband how upset you are.
OP’s hubby watching so much incest porn that he can’t separate it from real life.
ask him about a divorce, bet he whines and cries against it or says yes to get what he wants. you deserve better either way, he doesn't respect your feelings. you're allowed to change your mind, in the moment it probably sounded like a good idea to you.
So…a grown ass man should be able to do his own laundry without raging. Full stop.
Spoke to him before I picked up the notification for your response. Told him the issues I have with not going on dates vs the amount of sex we have – to which he said I’m thinking too much in to things, and that’s it’s been raining and/or cold which is why he hasn’t wanted to go out. That he wasn’t genuinely frustrated about me not wanting sex; that he was just taking the piss. Then went to bed ??♀️ confused myself more.
The silent treatment is childish and a manipulative tactic. Just leave, you’re too young to be with such a dingbat
I had a boyfriend that died abruptly.. a month later I found out he was cheating on me. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I know it’s silly but I ended up seeing a medium. I didn’t mention anything to her about him cheating, he brought it up himself. It was the closure I needed. I still love that man, would do it all over again. But idk… this is a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck
He isn’t the controlling type. Tbh probably because I’m a hot woman to control. But yes for example that’s one massive difference between our relationship and his relationship with her (well at least the texts)
Listen to this
Bump for my sanity ?
I think you're taking your response to her way too seriously. Just skim it and say something nice. If you ask her to stop sending, it'll become a whole thing.
Pack up his crap before he gets back and put it in a storage unit. Send him the address and lock combo and tell him he has one month to get it from storage because you're not paying for more than that. Then get a restraining order.
Honey you bf is a POS. If you do this you are doing prostitution with him being your pimp. Don’t think this will just be a one and done situation.