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Date: November 2, 2022
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She mentions her family coming down for her grandads funeral. It would generally be implied for anyone with a brain.
But even so, she is literally saying she needed support this weekend cause her family etc. We dont know what that means. Unpredictable could be that they are toxic etc. This is clearly not a usual occurrance. But again. Why expect your spouse to be there for you when you need it. Reddit certainly thinks marriage is just for fun times alone from this comment section.
How I met your mother. lol
Yea fr that's true.Cos in they're eyes cos I'm having sex with him there they may feel they can too cos I'm comfortable doing it while their there smh it's bs
When I was 19 I wanted to have sex 24/7 and my girlfriend didn't have any problem with that. I had a long distance relationship with a german girl (I'm spaniard) for 2 years when I was in my late 20s (so we should have lower sex drive than 19-20 years old people) and the first thing we did after picking her up at the airport is having sex, sometimes we didn't even get home (45 km. away from the airport) so we stopped in the middle of nowhere to have sex. So I find it perfectly normal that a 20 yo healthy man wants to have sex with his girlfriend that he hasn't seen for months.
But if you say it's not normal… Well, ok, I guess the OP will find someone “normal” next time, good luck.
It’s only an issue if her spending time with him causes him to react negatively to you or she joins the friend group. It’s only an issue if she joins the friend group if y’all had a bad breakup though.
You could discuss your concerns with him too!
You could say you want to discuss with him just your concern that she maybe crossing some ethical boundaries
Its called transference or cross/countertransference in therapy where a client or therapist starts to cross professional boundary territory.
Her extending her sessions just for him is uncommon (from my perspective as someonr whose gotten therapy for years, a couple minutes js understandable but not an hour or so over!) And if she has secretaries/clerical staff then they would be sending out the appointment reminders, not her.
Also is rhis her PERSONAL cellphone or a WORK one?
Iirc, when I was in college in a mentla health related field, they say NOT to do what she did witj the whole “text me in an emergency”. That is BAD practice. He should have been told to call an EMERGENCY line or CRISIS line in an emergency. This is hazardous to her clients safety and increases her risk of burn out by not giving herself a break.
You could even discuss qll these things you said here witb your own therapist and what I mentioned and I bet your therapist would also agree it sounds unethical (maybe even do this with your therapist to think of a reponse)
And when you go at it worh your husband dont do it necessarily as “she has a crush on you” but “she is acting in unethical ways rhat could affect your therapy” and tie in her behavior qbout mentioning divorce/wanting to be couples counselor wirh (presumably) never bringing it up (and tell him if he did, that you wont be upset and that you two would need to find one that doesnt have a bias for either of you being their 'original' client) on top of her behavior with the phone # and appointment emojis, could mean she has an inappropriate liking towards him that could influence her helping him (ie wants him single). Maybe also look up proper boundaries clients and therapists should have?
But run this over wirh your therapist first! Also maybe bring up info on tranference/look it yp with your husband so he knows its a real thing.
Right now he is vulnerable with her snd opening up to her in a (supposedly) safe space. She could end up using this to manipulate him against you because she is “the professional” and “knows best”. She has power over him evem though it doesnt seem like it.
Your therapist might be able to know what to do if they think this person crosses enough boundaries to be potentially reported if she has a liscense under a board.
I will tell you that if you do this with your husband (ie tell him your concern) tell him to be mindful if she tries to twist it (the concern with her behavior) against you rather than apologize and re-enstate new boundaries/respects the new boundaries or helps search for a replacement therapist (which is recommended if transference is there iirc)
Please be understanding if you4 husband is bitter or reluctant or untrusting of seeking out help again in the future, especially since you still have therapy and you were 'the one' who 'stopped' his therapy (but it woildnt be your fault!)
Good luck!
You’re dating an adult child, not a grown man. I would say sit down and have a serious talk, make it clear the changes you expect from him. If he doesn’t follow through, move on.
My thoughts. Grow up and work your shit out. Your being petty
I'm just jumping in here cause I'm hoping you'll see it – I got divorced at 40 and it was the best thing I could have done. And I met someone 2 years later who turned out to be the kind of husband I always wanted but was convinced, thanks to the first marriage, didn't exist.
Just want you to know this isn't an ending, it's a beginning. Like ee cummings wrote, 'endings are just beginnings with their hats on.'
If you trust your partner why would you need that assurance? One of these things is not like the other.
Just end it.
You should have ended it when you found out, but you didn’t and while understandable, you did drop to the AH level by making your remarks
In my country we say something like “The problem of trying to drown your sorrows in alcohol is that pain knows how to swim.
Do not waste your time being drunk, focus on being busy trying to rebuild your life, going to the gym and avoid any trigger that can mess your mind. You can get this OP.
you both should go see a uruologist about his frequent tearing, its probably really not good to constantly tear and heal and tear again basically every single time you guys fuck and it would be good for both of you to get opinions/advice from an expert, both about the tearing and about the surgery and they'll probably be able to tell you the exact chances of sensitivity loss and whether its worth losing slight sensitivity, and then being able to have proper sex, rather than potentially losing the entire penis etc if the tearing continues as frequently as it does, nevermind the frustration if you constantly have to walk on eggshells whenever want sex and can't release “pressure” as much as you want
God your boyfriend is an asshole. Honestly, talking to your abuser? Your feelings mean less than him having a political debate in which he can have ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET! What an ass. Serious, he simply doesn't care about your feelings.
Dump this asshole. Continue on your healing path without him. It's 100% a reasonable request that your b/f doesn't talk to your abuser (other than a short hi). If he doesn't like it, then they can both be exes ^_^
Terrible advice, if she's dating someone old enough to be her dad clearly she doesn't have good judgement or make good decisions
LOL okay so then why are you here? Just stay in your weird relationship with someone over twice your age and deal with potentially becoming a parent at 19…just lmao
OP – your bar for a “perfect guy” is pretty low
You are too tired to think clearly, so I'm going to tell you what to do. Get away from this man. NOBODY has the right to hit you. It is not your fault that he is late for work, he is an adult human being who has to sort his own shit out. If he cannot look after himself, that is his fault. You are not responsible.
Get out of this. Do not continue to on-line with this person. Either he goes or you go. You need to do this.
If you mean by “triggered” you believe I thought your remark was a threat or danger to me and based on my belief I created in myself a difficult emotion then no I’m not triggered. You have no power to “trigger” me or anyone else (other than yourself). I just find it meaningful to point out distorted thinking and unfounded assumptions such as what you posted about my patients’ demographics and high are quite a melting pot.