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TheBiggestJack, y.o.
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Date: November 3, 2022
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Ok? Lol isn't that like literally the point OP is making? She is young and should enjoy being young and wait till she is older and more mature for a kid. I don't get where all your pissyness is coming from.
If you want any advice other then to break up with him, we would need context why he doesn't see future with you.
How long have you been with him, OP? Do you have children with him too?
Just a thought maybe you guys could go do more activities like walks somewhere, nice drives or even something like row boating just something to fill the time. Looking at what the comments are saying honning of the social skills can't hurt either.
Can you accept your future with a sex worker?
If not, you get your answer.
Unless she is putting conditions on you being there on your behaviour or alcohol consumption, then I wouldn't worry about it.
Getting blackout drunk at someone wedding is different to another event, because its specifically about the two people getting married, there is different expectations for a different event.
but either way the bride and groom weren't worried about it so his sister can “keep” her opinion.
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No. I'm sorry. Not like this. Your motive is purely revenge and that's just not the manner in which this should be handled
Dump her
Quality shitpost
When it comes to beauty that people find overwhelming, my experience is universal. It also happens to people that become famous as adults. Actors talk about it often – how difficult it is to form genuine friendships, how they have to be careful because they don't know whether someone actually likes them, or they just want to use them. How they have to set boundaries to protect themselves. That's how I know you are not at that level of beauty. It is universal.
People see us as trophies. They see beauty as power. So they try to use us to make themselves more “important”. You have no idea what that's like. They want to be seen with us; I've had people fight just to stand next to me. Not because of “me” but because they wanted to be seen standing next to me. I had “friends” charge people ridiculous amounts of money in exchange for an introduction. People have charged others money on the promise they would arrange for me to walk down a particular street. People paid, just so they could look at me. Not to talk to me, just to look at me from a short distance. Those are only some examples.
You have never experienced that. Most people can't wrap their head around it. In NYC, home to actors and world renowned models, I stop traffic just by standing there waiting to cross the street. You don't know what it's like to get mobbed by strangers when walking down the street, they want to touch my hair, tell me that am beautiful, try to get a hug. I've had crowds of children stop, stare, and then run towards me for a hug, or just to say hi. It affects everyone, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation. My experience is universal – every person that's of equal beauty have described similar experiences.
If you had experienced a world, a life, where your beauty is overwhelming, you would not have written the OP. You would know that friends are priceless. Given your age, you would know setting boundaries is the only to function. You would know that by now, if you were truly beautiful.
I'm not knocking you, am just explaining that you are not a the level of beauty you believe yourself to be. Maybe because of your abandonment issues, you don't want to set boundaries. Maybe you feel like setting boundaries will lead to people “leaving” you – abandoning you. I'm just pointing out that you shouldn't use your looks as an excuse because your looks are not the problem. You are not truly beautiful. Don't sabotage yourself and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Learn to set boundaries. Start little by little. At first it may feel weird, it may cause you some anxiety. But it will get better. Dealing with those issues now will allow you to create long lasting friendships. Those relationships are priceless.
I understand where you’re coming from. You asked the question early on to figure out where you stood and you thought you knew the truth. Then you found out you didn’t. Even if you know deep down that your partner had no mal intentions, it still feels unnerving.
I had a somewhat similar thing with my current partner. He has an extensive friendship group that he’s known since high school (and earlier for some) and early in the relationship I had asked if he had done anything with any of the girls in the group. At the time he said no. I later found out from somebody else that he had made out with a couple of the girls at parties a number of years back. At the time that discovery felt pretty disturbing because from where I stood it seemed like he had lied to me. Furthermore, I had to find out from someone else, which made me feel embarrassed and reinforced this pre-existing sense I had of being on the outside of the group. As it turns out, he interpreted my question as meaning had he dated or had sex with anyone in the group, which he hadn’t, whereas I interpreted my question more broadly. I think what helped me to move through this experience was firstly that my partner was incredibly understanding when I brought it up from him. Whilst he explained why he hadn’t said anything, he also completely acknowledged why it would seem suss from my perspective and why it would hurt to find out the way I did. It also helped that I had seen enough of his interactions with these women to know there was no residual sexual tension. But it still really sucked and if I’m honest, thinking about it now still sucks a little bit. Whilst we can generally accept it, most people don’t like to think too much about our partner’s romantic / sexual history, and it’s a lot harder to avoid those thoughts when some of that past is still hanging around. You’re not a bad person for struggling with that.
You need to learn how to make space for the emotions without buying into the story that your partner was deliberately deceiving you or that he’s going to cheat on you with her. It’s totally fine to feel upset, sad, even angry that you found out this way, but you don’t have to keep fuelling the emotions with rumination. For example: “It’s okay to feel hurt by this AND it doesn’t mean that my fiancé is untrustworthy”. Telling yourself to just get over it or that it shouldn’t bother you won’t be helpful, because you can’t choose how to feel about it, and criticising the feelings is more likely to make you dig your heels in and reinforce them than it is to change them. I also wouldn’t recommend cutting Elle off over this. Take the fact that he offered to do that as a sign of trustworthiness and good will, but do not take him up on it. It’s likely to lead to resentment down the road and whilst it may feel awkward right now, if you give it some time it will get better. Happy to chat further if you want x
Why?
we decided to stay friends, which involved us continuing to hold hands and kiss.
Why do you do this to yourself? Why? This dude left you for your best friend (great best friend btw) and you still showed this kind of desperation? Why? What is your self worth? Is this it?
Now, I was told by her that they met up behind my back. And that they both decided to pursue mutual feelings.
I didn't even have to read past my previous comment to know that this would happen. I ask you again: WHAT IS YOUR SELF WORTH??
He said he will talk to me in person tomorrow and I feel so lost.
Tell him ok and give him the address of a fucking escape room or something. Both these people fucking suck, work on yourself & on the reasons behind why you allowed these 2 to take advantage of you & why you're so desperate for love from someone that treated you the way he did
If you're insecure about his class and classmates, surely meeting them is a good idea? And assuming this is a platonic friendship why wouldnt you want to accept an invitation to socialise with his friends?
I don’t really see anything wrong with the request. Obviously her mom has some concerns but she wants her daughter to talk to an uninvolved 3rd party.
At the end of the day, if would be lovely if her mom supported the marriage from the beginning. But she doesn’t. Seeing a therapist or even pre marital counseling doesn’t seem like a bad idea for anyone really ??♀️
You can make the decision at 15 to fuck a 40 year old but it’s still gross and that adult should have known better than allowing it to happen. 18 year olds are teenagers finishing up high school. Any adult who fucks a teen is garbage and it is not widely accepted in our culture as you can see. Many people find it horrific.
Tolerate disrespect once and it will continue and grow. She disrespected you in front of your friends as well. Absolute emasculation shit test. Also, was it a random dude or someone she was looking for an excuse to talk to all night?
Agreed. Its just high anxiety, past abuse and stuff like that and i hate to seem like unstable and cry while trying to do that. Thats why I'm here for advice.
Turn it around for a moment. What if you your father wanted a DNA test because he wasn’t sure if he was actually your father?
How would your mom feel? How would you feel?
Is there any part of you that would want there to be no doubt that your dad is your dad?
Is there any other way to confirm it?
Don't contact her again, you don't wanna be in that mess.
Hey dude, you gotta speak up. These sorts of feelings are going to lead to resentment and hurt that could easily be avoided with a honest conversation.
He wants to meet up to attempt to apologize as the first step to rekindle a relationship.
If you have any respect for your husband, and any hope for your future relationship with your husband, don't meet the ex. That relationship is over and done, keep it in the past.
You are the boss of your life. Nobody else. You were so young when you got married, but you are still young. If you leave now there a great life ahead of you, if you don't, you wake up in ten years with three kids and a husband who drives them to school drunk.
I think I'm going to ask him about this, and possibly banish him to the sofa for a night or two so I can get some sleep.
Could be the case; but knowing the type of person he is, I highly doubt it.
Put your career first over your boyfriend. If he‘s the one, you two will regularily see each other and eventually get married. It‘s important to invest in yourself and if he is a good guy, he will understand.
You mentioned in a comment that this woman has been dating a married man for two years.
INFO: why are you friends with her? Do you respect her?
Force yourself to stop answering to anything but your name or an endearment. You aren't a dog he can call with a whistle.
Thank you. I appreciate it. Her hearing is tomorrow and I plan on remotely attending so I can hear the verdict.
I'm petty, so I'd probably counter her insults with one like “you'd probably feel my dick better if you weren't so loose. It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway”.
HOWEVER. I don't suggest you be petty. It's probably better to break up with her. She's being very rude and insulting. That's not okay behaviour.
How old are the kids?
You and I think alike but you type faster. Lol This post is bullshit
Break up, her threatening suicide is blackmail and she won't do it, she'll just find someone else to latch on to like a leech. If you are worried alert her friends and family or the police and they'll do a wellness check.
Yeah he should probably think about his attitude if he wants a chance in hell of keeping her. We aren't in Sunday school Luther. Her sexual past isn't his buisness and his attitude that she did things before he wants to do and is mad he can't rape her is a bigger problem than a little porn which he watches. He cannot act like his wife shouldn't have made oorn if ge watches it.
Yup. It happens! It’s okay! It’s not your fault.
You are allowed to leave him and move on
Nice to see these mature, adults acting like adults updates 🙂
Do her actions reflect those words?
It’s unfortunate but she doesn’t sound committed to you or ultimately her family.
I’ll have an AI explain it to me. But for real, the keypad idea is a legit suggestion. That way you can set it to lock whenever it closes and you guys don’t need to have a key. Just tell her you are supporting her by removing her temptation towards … I don’t know, envy? I’m having a very hot time finding snooping being wrong in the Bible, it’s actually pretty pro-eavesdropping to my surprise. Good luck, we had to online with my folks for almost a year, definitely a strain on any marriage.
What? A mortgage is debt. He'd simply be borrowing 150k more at what is likely a much reasonable interest rate.
He'll online with regret, and rightly so.
My now ex husband did this when we were dating. I ignored the complete disrespect and let me tell you, it didn't get better. Avoid the inevitable divorce and ditch him now
My greatest worry is that if I bring this topic up again, I will make it worse.
If you were with a group of friends ask one of them to clue you in?
I think breaking up was the right thing to do. It would only have gone downhill from there.
It's good that you got out early! There will be wonderful guys who are sane about this.
If he was 'love bombing' you, piling on the praise and going on about how amazing and special you were, that's the normal 'hook' to get you invested enough to stick around for crap like this.
Good luck with the next guy!
Thanks for responding. It may come to that
I'll definitely consider being blunt. In the past year or so, my patience has disappeared almost completely, and I've been a lot more blunt about a lot of things, especially when I'm prompted for a response on something. I always end up feeling like a bitch afterwards. I don't yell, insult or curse, or anything, but speaking up and not worrying endlessly about how he will react is a very new thing for me. So far, his reactions to that have been split between accepting the feedback and ignoring it altogether.