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Date: November 6, 2022
If you dont leave him now you won't be 'getting ready', you will just be getting used to it. Tell him and leave. Nobody is perfect, but you can find a guy who won't give you chlamydia.
I’d suggest being cordial with this person in terms of group hangouts, parties, etc.. You don’t have to jump back into trusting this person on the same level of the relationship or even friendship.
Have you guys been in contact or seen each other since the breakup? The first step to moving over the hurdle you’re facing is tolerance like what was suggested. See if you can stand to even be in the same room as this person and go from there. Trust is a major leap.
Dude I know you are pregnant but girl think about your future and your child’s. This requires an ultimatum. Today it was only a pastry. Can you deal with either mental or physical abuse? Do you think your future child deserves it?
I get your point but he is working and he can decide if responding her is useless, because he could stop responding at any time so it makes no sense giving her the expectation.
She is childish or has an issue that she should work on. Is not normal to expect your partner to answer when they are working, maybe if he's free, sure, but this sounds like she thinks either he is not interested (but they already discussed that) or he is cheating which makes her insecure.
“yes, I came.”
The only reason the age gap matters in this case is that he is way way too old (even with BPD) to be acting this way toward you. You need space to get your own mind right, and he’s doing nothing but dragging your down to his level.
You shouldn't keep score on who spends more on gifts.. each person is different on how much they have and how much they can spend. You should set boundaries with him. Rotate who goes to see each other…one time he goes to you and next time you go to him.
The common denominator here is you. So I think working with a therapist might be smart. A professional can help you unpack why you’re bringing these sorts of losers into your life and letting them take advantage of you.
I’m no therapist but when I’ve seen people in similar situations, it’s often because they have low self esteem and can’t stand being alone. So they’ll take whatever they can get.
Like…I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t have adequate transportation. Or let someone move into my home before I was ready and then on top of it, do so without paying bills.
I think you may need to examine how you feel about yourself and work on being happy alone. Then a relationship can be icing on the cake, not the cake itself and you don’t have to take on someone who isn’t checking all the boxes.
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I know everyone is saying therapy and that’s fine, but I would say therapy if she wants to stay there. Does she want to stay there? Would she be happier closer to family? Have you had that talk yet?
By leaving.
Forcing him to commit when he has clearly said he doesn't want to right now, is only going to cause problems. And when he DOES cheat, he will have an excuse, because he warned you in advance that he wasn't ready. You can not change him, and you are lucky that he was honest enough to tell you he wasn't ready, instead of letting you push him into a relationship and then cheating on you. If you don't listen to wehat he is telling you, it will only end up hurting you in the end. Make the tough decision to pull away now. The easy way out will hurt you in the long run.
The problem here is that if your only contact with this person is texting a few nights a week this isn't really a “relationship”. You might be trying to lay the groundwork for some later relationship when you can actually spend time together. But for now you're just sort of occasional penpals of a sort. If you want a real relationship you're probably either going to have to wait until she's free of her parental restrictions or you'll need to go find that with someone else whose parents aren't quite as strict.
Also I deleted the post, I re-wrote it in a new post. Don't know if you can edit…
You're rebound. But you got decide whether you want to wait for the special someone or be intimate with her for the short period shes with you.
She needs to get out Right Now. So so scary
That is also a good advice but then again she would need to change jobs. Most important is restraining order.
Doesn't matter what was said. Do you trust him? If not, all therapy in the world won't help.
To you, hes your friend.
To him, you're his pseudo gf until he grooms you enough to give up and accept that you're meant to be with him.
He's not your friend, op. I bet if you asked mutual friends what he says about you and what they think of the situation, you'd be pretty enlightened.
He does not care about your feelings when it comes to what he wants. He only “cares” and respects you when it aligns with his mission.
Lunch date? Absolutely!
Not sharing a hotel room bc it's disrespectful to your bf? Too bad. I get what I want and I want to cause your bf to break up with you so you must allow me to manipulate you! How you feel and how it affects you is irrelevant.
Where the fuck did I say that?
Sometimes people have a lot of things going on in their life and find responding or reaching out to people difficult.
Maybe it’s not you at all. But you were some she was really friendly with at work but you never hung out outside of work and now you don’t work together. So maybe she does still like you as a person but is just dealing with stuff and you fell off the radar.
I agree with a a lot of the other comments. It doesn’t have to be so black and white. Friends or not friends. Make new work friends at your new job and be friendly if you ever see her around .
then all you can do is try to intimidate him and run him off
the fiercer gorilla gets the lady
if he thinks you are crazy he might stay away
How do you know about her sex life with her husband? Did she tell you they don’t have sex?
Wife sounds like he’s being smart keeping boundaries up around women who don’t have their own
It's not the open part. It's the coworker part.
Please never again advise people.
A question for any other gay/queer/bi people who might see this comment: is this a straight people thing? (Assuming that OP and her husband are straight, which may not be the case). I'm bi and I'm beginning to feel like being this weird about your partner's exes is kind of a straight people thing. Not that all straight people are like this, but that it's much more common for them vs. queer people.
OP: you did nothing wrong and I think your husband is being absolutely ridiculous. But also, maybe I don't fully understand the dynamics of straight marriages! But on the other other hand, my partner is a straight guy and I don't think he'd ever freak out over a situation like this. Overall I'm just perplexed by what other people, usually straight people, find to be acceptable/unacceptable in the context of their relationship and ex-partners.
Why are you fighting this so much? It almost seems as if you’re trying to validate your own feelings of continuing open communication with your ex. If you are having to validate your feelings by posting a question here, you already know your stance. Either tell your husband that you won’t stop talking to your ex or tell him you will. Your husband already expressed his discomfort with it- now is your turn to express what you want and what you feel.
If communicating with your ex is what you want, do so. But let your husband know so he can make an informed choice on what he wants to do from there.
He was supposed to get a vasectomy before the first one even happened…. He dragged his feet. After I got pregnant with his kid the first time, he went to the consultation but never followed through.
Oh–you LEAVE. He is flat up telling you he does not want to be with you or see a future with you. Take the abortion and leave. Right away. No more nutting inside of you. EVER.
Run, girl. At 23 you have so many years ahead to find a man that would love to give you a baby and help you raise and love it.
Stop trying to save a relationship that cannot be saved. He will keep letting this happen as long as you let him. Stand up for yourself and get out of this one sided relationship–and FFS–get on birth control. Rhythm method obviously not workin for you, dear. Condoms will also work.
To the gods: Your 3rd relationship after this will be amazing and relieving. It will make sense then.
The reason he is saying this now is because he thinks you staying home will mean less work for him and more intimacy for him.
Wat
Jesus, they don't even stop this crap in old age? Is there literally no hope for women on het relationships? It's so depressing. Leave him hun, he's a piece of crap and treats you like you are the one that's crap. You deserve better than this.
You seem to care more about anal sex than you do the fact your partner has opened up about something traumatic to her and was vulnerable with you.
Get the tattoo. He will get over it.
Of course he’s in the wrong. Huge over reaction to a simple mistake. It’s probably the wrong thing to do but my reaction would be to tell him to grow up and get over himself and don’t even THINK about talking to me like that again.
When he was 17 and before you were in a committed relationship, he interacted with someone else. What is the problem? He didn’t do anything that would mean he’s untrustworthy. This is a you problem.
He surely needs to start his career before thinking of moving in with you, otherwise his career plans will be restricted by the committment he's made to live with you. He could end up in another city. You have been together for 3 years so why not give it a while longer so he can figure out his next move? Living with a sister is not like bf/gf he doesn't have to break up with her to move out.
You and the sister could maybe live! together if you are lonely and he stay alone with his cats
Yeah, having a spouse as part of your support system is great, but they can’t be your only outlet and this particular issue is definitely one an outsider may be better equipped to help with.
It’s bad to have said this to you at all, but it’s 10000000x times worse that he responded to you correcting him with anything other than a massive apology.
I’d recommend moving on.
You should only have a kid if you actively want one lol