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Emily, 20 y.o.
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Date: November 6, 2022
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This is highly disturbing and I really have to emphasize that this is an unsafe situation for you. Paranoia, mistrust, and controlling behavior is a horrifying combination that can escalate quickly. This can easily turn into him questioning your every move, grilling you about your friends and then isolating you from them, stalking you physically and digitally, it’s a scary thing and you need to take it very seriously. This is how the abuse cycle escalated and you said he’s blackmailed an ex before so you know he won’t hesitate to get nasty. He already has a history of being verbally and emotionally abusive towards you. This is not a good man. Him recording you and saying those things isn’t just weird and creepy, it’s abusive. It doesn’t matter that you were asleep when it happened. He has not changed from when he abused his ex and you need to protect yourself.
You don’t need to have a conversation, you need to break up. Do it when your family is home. Absolutely do not break up with him when you are alone with him. Go through his phone and computer and make sure any illicit photos of you have been permanently deleted (make sure you delete them from both the library, recycle bin, and cloud, and check for hidden folders and also check his emails for photos and videos he sent himself) and make sure he doesn’t have any of your passwords saved or your location tracked.
My ex did that. Completely obsessed to the point where I semi forced him to actually socialise until one day he suddenly wasn’t anymore. Got a letter and blocked on everything, followed by divorce papers. I’d leave before you get more hurt.
Yeah I just feel that sometimes a little reassurance couldn’t hurt but I’m not a women so I was just curious what women think.
Do you not see how absolutely objectifying your comment is as if women's bodies exist for you are natural desires to watch them
Ugh
Omg you are right mate. I just clocked it now
yeah im under 16
I moved from Canada.
It depends how old you are and what your hobbies are but there’s a bunch of other ways to meet people! And some of the people I met at work over a decade ago there are still really close people in my life. One I text nearly daily. Connections are connections no matter where you make them 🙂
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So what does that mean!!!
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The bottom line here is that unless your boyfriend is willing to distance himself from his mother she will be in your life for the rest of her life. It's not even like you can just dump this guy and never speak to him again, because you'll be coparenting a child for at least the next 18 years. So you can he might get into some couples' counseling so he can learn better ways to communicate with you and his mom. You might get into some individual counseling to make it easier to cope with this corner you've painted yourself into. But ultimately all that really matters is that your kid's life isn't damaged by this. Your baby didn't ask to be born into this chaos so now it's up to you and this guy to make sure he has an intact family and the least strained childhood possible. Good luck
Try urging her to lose the weight and get rid of the healthy habits. If that doesn’t change, leave. It is unacceptable for someone to let themselves go in a relationship imo.
She only lashed out AFTER he started hitting her.
That's self defense, bud.
Thanks for the support. I've spoken to the local authorities through their emergency line, but they told me that I needed to call the non-emergency #. I did so and they recommended that I leave the situation and offered to escort me. I declined, as it wasn't necessary at the time
I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to write this answer
Don’t know how to give advice cause I have no idea what any of this means
Nobody hacked his tinder why would they? He’s not purchasing anything on there he’s either already cheating or you caught him before he made the leap he’s lying to you leave him cheating should be a zero tolerance policy
Every time he makes a passive aggressive remark, call him on it.
“I did not and do not deserve that. I'm sorry you're upset that I existed and had a sex life before I met you, but that's the reality. You can either apologize, stop being petty and lashing out at me, and we can work through whatever feelings of insecurity or jealousy you have together, or you can keep trying to destroy our relationship about something where I did absolutely nothing wrong. If you choose the latter, then I'll be out the door before you can blink.”
He’s looking for a relationship with a younger woman and in the beginning seemed super interested in me as a person. We also discussed not being intimate right away and he was completely fine with it.
>It seems like you’re more immature than I am.
I'm siding with you on this. He is immature.
And those people can eat shit for all I care
If you were a selfish asshole that didn't care about Jenna's suffering, you would not have rearranged your anniversary plans to include her. Lara is being insensitive to YOUR needs and is disregarding your VERY justified feelings about her weird codependency and poor boundaries with Jenna. Quite frankly you've been a saint for 5 years putting up with this. Ask Lara if she'd be willing to go to some couples counseling to work through this.
You are not old enough that you could have possibly committed enough to her that it’s not worth ending. Plain and simple.
Unfortunately this is exactly what I thought immediately as well.
I asked hubby what he would think and he said, “sounds like they had a flirty thing going on and the person in white had second thoughts and the person is blue is getting let down easy… but still wants the original plan.”
Ugh.
Right? I hate when people say “we're only getting one side of the story”
Unless you're reading a novel or something then yeah, you're only getting one side of the story.
You have to trust the OP at least until there are discrepancies in the story. The only discrepancy I saw was whether it was 6 minutes or 8.
After 24 hours without sleep I'd likely make that mistake too. Sure wish she hadn't driven anywhere.
Yes, you are.
This is one of those need-to-know things about a partner. There is no cure for herpes.
Her withholding that information would be an issue to me.
Have a great race! Me and Joe are rooting for you!
Oh my. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did choose badly and went too fast too soon with someone who you didn’t know well enough. She’s not a nice person. If anyone should feel uncomfortable, it’s her. But. You are hiding in your apartment and you quit your job. She has way too much power over you. It’s time to see a therapist. We all have stuff that if we worked on, would make our lives so much better.
My advice would be to extend the break indefinitely and suggest that now you’ve had time on the break to think that you find yourself happier single and that you want to remain that way. When she inevitably throws that she slept with someone else in your face and that they were better than you to hurt your feelings, realise that you’ve already moved on and that that can’t hurt you.
I can’t see you being able to feel comfortable in a relations after this without wanting “to get even” but the relationship will always be off balance and unhealthy
It sounds like you’ve jumped through 3 seriously relationships within 2-3 years? That’s gotta take a toll.
It’s normal to dream about past people as your brain is kinda doing a free-for-all at night. It’s how you let it affect you when you’re awake that matters most.
If some silly nocturnal brain farts are causing you this much distress, you’ll want to talk to actual professionals to address the stressors that are both affecting your sleep hygiene as well as the post-processing of made-up info (dreams) that is affecting you/your relationship.
Is there somewhere you can go that it’s a single drive and you can walk from there? If you’re concerned about her tiredness, what about driving to an area for breakfast, walking to a spa for a couples massage, having a picnic in the park, etc, so the only driving is there and back?
Sorry I didn't know you lived in the third world.