Waxing is uncomfortable, painful, expensive, and exposing she may just not feel like going through that anymore. My guess for why she is pissed is because you shouldn’t have asked past maybe the first time. Her choice to no longer go out of her way to remove hair from her body doesn’t even need to be a topic of conversation let alone brought up with you expecting an explanation three times. If you grew your hair an inch longer or changed body wash scent should she question you over and over again as to why. Though those are great examples because they don’t include and intimate part of you and the implied expectations of your sexual partner.
It's ok to have deal breakers, and if it truly is big enough for you, then yeah, just break it off. Did you ever say this to him that it was a deal breaker for you in the past? Or is this just something you kept to yourself and are now surprised.
That said, not everyone does stupid shit because they were drunk. There are a lot of people who get drunk without any terrible or dumb decisions happening. It seems he picks and chooses the times where this is appropriate, and that's great for someone to be able to do.
Sometimes you grow and evolve yourself, and maybe this isn't an actual deal breaker for you. I would ask yourself why you have the rule in the first place. If it's about dumb decisions, maybe you're real deal breaking rule is, I will never date someone who drinks and drives, who drinks and gets in fights, who drinks, and endangers himself, etc. Then it's not really about being drunk, it's the things that someone does.
I was aware me saying anything would affect our relationship but his girl was already suspicious of us and I didn't want things to be misunderstood that I was with him especially since the girl knew I knew they were together but he didn't know.
And yeah, I get that. I honestly just came from a place with good intentions is all.
It sounds like you understand why he feels the need to protect himself, I think most in his situation would feel the same way. What do you think he would say is your “financial protection”?
Why wouldn't the prenup say all assets of his prior to marriage be his, shouldn't there be some consideration of join earning since you're giving up your important time in your career?
A side thought you could probably still stay engaged doing some pro-bono consulting for non-profits
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Yes but not near as upset as this. Unfortunately I think shes looking at it as a gay thing (which I'm not blaming her for that) but to me it's just anal play. Not a gay thing. And yes, we keep our toys incredibly clean lol just throwing that out there cause every comment I reply to gets downvoted insanely
He does work in a field that has very high rates of domestic violence
Hmm.
It sounds like they won't be a good match, but even if you tell her she probably won't listen. All you can do is keep an eye out for signs of DV and offer her support when needed.
Hey man just ask her out. I know it's hard and there is a lot of anxiety over rejection but just do it. If she says no and you're rejected then you know you can take your energy in another direction. If she says yes you can work on dating her and being a good partner. Just do it dude the worst thing that will happen is she says no. Rejection sucks but not knowing is worse believe me.
As someone who is in this community, this was a dick move. She should've told you from the beginning. If I ever date, I'll always be honest and up front about it, always. It's just what needs to be done. I get why she didn't say anything though at first..fear of rejection, safety.
For everyone that has commented I'm unable to see them. Please let me know if they're getting removed or if it's a problem on my end. If you want to feel free to shoot me a pm
Dude you are still so young. Why ruin yourself by staying with someone like this? Have self respect and leave dude. You are traumatized. You can’t and shouldn’t be around her AT ALL.
There are better waters out there, but you need to fix yourself and LEAVE.
Never let this guy buy you anything. He will think you owe him something, don’t give him that power over you. Don’t accept any gifts no matter how small or insignificant, just say no thank you.
He not only showed you how little he thinks of you, he also told the therapist how little he thinks of therapy. He put himself in the session: literally, and symbolically shit on the whole session. He also made a point about his territory. This is what he really thinks of you and how much he disrespects you. Please just leave this house. Make it happen.
You were smart to go to your own therapist. When I finally did that for myself she immediately identified him as a narcissist and told me I was absolutely valid in my frustration and that I could just tell him I wasn’t available for his abuse and walk away. When I tried that he got more and more unhinged and I ended up with a two year restraining order on him, and full custody of our two babies.
Because that is commonly how bacterial infections happen. It’s through new bacteria introduced to the system or a buildup of bad bacteria bc of poor hygiene. It can be other things but most of the time it’s from the area being introduced to an unsanitary environment. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Some people are so sensitive to it that it’ll happen regardless of hygiene. It really just depends on your body
I agree with DearDorothy that it’s a completely normal urge, but not a healthy one. Read all the stories from people who weren’t planning on cheating, but started getting emotionally attached through what started as innocent flirting.
When you’re on trips, you can try to schedule planned time with your BF and even role play.
There’s nothing wrong with flirting with your girlfriends either. When my wife is traveling, she uses that time to catch-up with all her friends and extended family, which she’s unable to do while she’s at home with me and the kids each night.
My mistake.
Waxing is uncomfortable, painful, expensive, and exposing she may just not feel like going through that anymore. My guess for why she is pissed is because you shouldn’t have asked past maybe the first time. Her choice to no longer go out of her way to remove hair from her body doesn’t even need to be a topic of conversation let alone brought up with you expecting an explanation three times. If you grew your hair an inch longer or changed body wash scent should she question you over and over again as to why. Though those are great examples because they don’t include and intimate part of you and the implied expectations of your sexual partner.
I guess it's like reaching your goals only to find out that once you achieved them, there's nothing more to achieve beyond that.
It's ok to have deal breakers, and if it truly is big enough for you, then yeah, just break it off. Did you ever say this to him that it was a deal breaker for you in the past? Or is this just something you kept to yourself and are now surprised.
That said, not everyone does stupid shit because they were drunk. There are a lot of people who get drunk without any terrible or dumb decisions happening. It seems he picks and chooses the times where this is appropriate, and that's great for someone to be able to do.
Sometimes you grow and evolve yourself, and maybe this isn't an actual deal breaker for you. I would ask yourself why you have the rule in the first place. If it's about dumb decisions, maybe you're real deal breaking rule is, I will never date someone who drinks and drives, who drinks and gets in fights, who drinks, and endangers himself, etc. Then it's not really about being drunk, it's the things that someone does.
I have been in and out of therapy for at least a year now
I was aware me saying anything would affect our relationship but his girl was already suspicious of us and I didn't want things to be misunderstood that I was with him especially since the girl knew I knew they were together but he didn't know.
And yeah, I get that. I honestly just came from a place with good intentions is all.
It sounds like you understand why he feels the need to protect himself, I think most in his situation would feel the same way. What do you think he would say is your “financial protection”?
Why wouldn't the prenup say all assets of his prior to marriage be his, shouldn't there be some consideration of join earning since you're giving up your important time in your career?
A side thought you could probably still stay engaged doing some pro-bono consulting for non-profits
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Yes but not near as upset as this. Unfortunately I think shes looking at it as a gay thing (which I'm not blaming her for that) but to me it's just anal play. Not a gay thing. And yes, we keep our toys incredibly clean lol just throwing that out there cause every comment I reply to gets downvoted insanely
When is it time?
When you find yourself on Reddit asking complete strangers whether your relationship is worth saving or not.
Obviously this is rape. I don't know why you would need to ask.
She is going to hook up with a guy or many guys.
Time to tell her, when you leave, you stay gone. Don't come back
Ghost her after
He does work in a field that has very high rates of domestic violence
Hmm.
It sounds like they won't be a good match, but even if you tell her she probably won't listen. All you can do is keep an eye out for signs of DV and offer her support when needed.
Hey man just ask her out. I know it's hard and there is a lot of anxiety over rejection but just do it. If she says no and you're rejected then you know you can take your energy in another direction. If she says yes you can work on dating her and being a good partner. Just do it dude the worst thing that will happen is she says no. Rejection sucks but not knowing is worse believe me.
As someone who is in this community, this was a dick move. She should've told you from the beginning. If I ever date, I'll always be honest and up front about it, always. It's just what needs to be done. I get why she didn't say anything though at first..fear of rejection, safety.
She blocks you. You find her. Repeatedly. She says “Leave me alone.” You don’t.
She doesn’t want to be with you. That you can convince her to talk to you or meet up changes nothing.
She keeps telling you the same thing: “Go find someone new.”
So what should you do? Stop contacting her. Stop meeting up with her. Stop trying to maintain this broken connection. It’s not good for either of you.
Find someone new.
For everyone that has commented I'm unable to see them. Please let me know if they're getting removed or if it's a problem on my end. If you want to feel free to shoot me a pm
Dude you are still so young. Why ruin yourself by staying with someone like this? Have self respect and leave dude. You are traumatized. You can’t and shouldn’t be around her AT ALL.
There are better waters out there, but you need to fix yourself and LEAVE.
insisted he would pay
Never let this guy buy you anything. He will think you owe him something, don’t give him that power over you. Don’t accept any gifts no matter how small or insignificant, just say no thank you.
Woah! Red flags!
He's wildly insecure and possessive. Run, don't walk, away from this one.
Tell her you're willing to build a time machine and unfuck your first partner.
This dude has created his own narrative in which he is both the victim and the savior.
It’s disrespectful to him, and he has the solutions.
Tell her she can take the more expensive ticket if she can pay for it?
Or maybe involve her in the budgeting and planning so she has a better sense of the finances?
Or cancel one of the other trips?
She seems pretty entitled and not really understanding finances.
If her parents are going to actually pay for the other flight, that’s one thing. But I didn’t get that impression.
I'm not chasing anyone.
If anything she's chasing me.
He not only showed you how little he thinks of you, he also told the therapist how little he thinks of therapy. He put himself in the session: literally, and symbolically shit on the whole session. He also made a point about his territory. This is what he really thinks of you and how much he disrespects you. Please just leave this house. Make it happen.
Definitely if something really bothers u in your relationship speak to her. Communication is key instead of letting it sit and build up.
You guys should just speak about it instead.
You were smart to go to your own therapist. When I finally did that for myself she immediately identified him as a narcissist and told me I was absolutely valid in my frustration and that I could just tell him I wasn’t available for his abuse and walk away. When I tried that he got more and more unhinged and I ended up with a two year restraining order on him, and full custody of our two babies.
Because that is commonly how bacterial infections happen. It’s through new bacteria introduced to the system or a buildup of bad bacteria bc of poor hygiene. It can be other things but most of the time it’s from the area being introduced to an unsanitary environment. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Some people are so sensitive to it that it’ll happen regardless of hygiene. It really just depends on your body
I agree with DearDorothy that it’s a completely normal urge, but not a healthy one. Read all the stories from people who weren’t planning on cheating, but started getting emotionally attached through what started as innocent flirting.
When you’re on trips, you can try to schedule planned time with your BF and even role play.
There’s nothing wrong with flirting with your girlfriends either. When my wife is traveling, she uses that time to catch-up with all her friends and extended family, which she’s unable to do while she’s at home with me and the kids each night.