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Honestly- He could be suffering from some kind of mental issues, like bipolar or borderline personality disorder. It’s very easy to go from Jeckyl to Hyde and back again. If you’re seeing this pattern a lot, maybe unfortunately it’s time to close this chapter before it starts hurting more and more.
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Did you want to stay friends? Does she being anything to your life in terms of friendship, be it support, joy, positive experiences? Or are you just being friends with her because she’s not ready to let go?
She was friends with a person who kissed her when he knew she was in a relationship, she likely ended the relationship to be with him. An emotional affair could have happened before the dates or anything physical. She doesn’t really seem to respect you.
Let me tell you something, a lot of times it's the narcissists themselves who tell other people they are narcissistic!
Anyway, don't just accept what he says. You might just be a person who is sensitive about having your feelings hurt or being embarrassed. There are a lot more angles to narcissism than that. You can certainly get therapy if you want. I just don't want you to unfairly adopt an inaccurate view of yourself.
There's absolutely no way to send her an anonymous message. And considering we're all coworkers (dumb, I know) i really feel it could blow up in my face if he does lie and manipulate her. There's no good way to approach her either. If she isn't actually sleeping with him, I just outed my business to a coworker that regularly works with him. She could tell him and he might get angry and go after me in one way or another. If she is, well, he could've already filled her head with lies about me. Or he might as soon as I talk to her. I don't know her well enough to know that she wouldn't tell everyone else. I also feel like there's a possibility he would start a smear campaign against me to all our coworkers if he found out that I tried telling her.
I just see waaaay too many things that could possibly go wrong. I would rather just quietly move on. She'll find out eventually what a horrible person he is. And I'll be there for her if she ever wants to reach out.