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Date: November 24, 2022
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it’s a dealbreaker to me to have violent actions towards a partner
Great instincts and advisable for anyone, male or female.
Its up to you to decide if his apology is enough to make you feel safe it won’t happen again, and if he realized how making you feel scared you will hurt him isn’t an adequate reaction to a prank or stress from failing a class.
I really did take the time. It’s not about my ex. I think it’s just triggers from my past at times in my life where I felt very small.
My therapist also thinks I’m okay to be in this, she just thinks I need to stop overthinking. Was just looking for advice on how?
Honestly he sounds like my grandma who was addicted to drama. If there was no drama, she'd make it herself and make others the bad guys.
Think about it, it started with bread buns seal and escalated into angry response about toilet flushing? Which honestly you don't even recall, so might have never happened. That's blame shifting, only in this case he's saying “Your fuck up is bigger than my fuck up. How DARE you say I did something wrong!”
Do you have friends? What do they think about your relationship. From just this it feels unhappy, where he's bringing you and your self-esteem down. Where you don't believe you deserve respect and kindness. Where the best day is a day that this guy just doesn't get upset or angry. Is this type relationship that you want? I dread imagining kids seeing how he treat you and learning from it.
Just today, he asked if I was off work so we Christmas shop. Turns out he wanted to buy a dildo secretly and brought me along. It was like a slap in the face. That's all he had wanted to go out and do.
Lol. If you expect to be with someone for the rest of your life you throw a ring on it.
Seems like someone has some sort of clue what they're talking about! So, lets just take Christianity. Biggest, if not, 2nd largest religion in the world (used to be a lot more prevalent in The States). The variant of Christianity I've experienced (Orthodox) and Western, is about being good to everyone. Being an upstanding person. If everyone in America was Christian, things would be better. Now, whether or not God really exists doesn't matter. If society behaves as if he does, then by that religion, things wouldn't be so shitty. Atheism on the rise doesn't necessarily help.
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If you're going to throw out ultimatums, you'd better be willing to stick to them. Otherwise, he knows it's pointless to take you seriously.
You need to discuss with him WHY you want to be legally married, and whether it's the “wedding” you want/need, or the feeling of being legally protected with a legal marriage.
Something should have been done long ago.
RemindMe! 4 weeks
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Guys do not joke about bacon. If there was one simple fact about men that all women should know, that's it.
For me personally, being told his expectations and having to wait for him to propose, would honestly feel like I would put my life on a hold. I love him so much and see him as a long-term partner, so him wanting to put it on hold for 8 more years does feel like a certain part of my life is being put on hold.
Leonardo DiCaprio?
She is well on her way to ruining her own future unless she gets her behavior in check, now. Reporting her to her program now is far less likely to cause her lasting harm (and may do her lasting good) than letting her go out into the world, overstep boundaries with patients, lose her license, and actually hurt people.
It would be called “And They Were Roommates”
Spicy chi latte
No further comments besides yikes … Is he always like this?
Of course. People on Reddit are helpful more often than not. And brutally honest. Which I prefer when asking for advice.
I nearly did this myself. My second son and I almost died during childbirth. He and I both have permanent disabilities as a result. I developed severe PPD and my husband at the time was abusing me everyday. An ex flame left his wife and contacted me. We planned to run away together because I felt like an utter failure as a mother, my ex made me feel that way. I kinda wonder what would have happened if I had left.
Because leaving years later after a third child and on my own has been hell.
I hope you update once things have settled a little and let us know how you and baby end up doing!! Good luck!!!
monogamy is alive and well, you just have to find the girl with those core values. Honour and integrity exist friend, don't despair if you have to kiss a couple of toads along the way to finding your princess.
Suddenly both of her parents stood up and walked out of the dining room.
Why did they leave for 10 minutes? To get $10?? Did they have to get a job and work for it?
You break up with him. You’ve know him for 4 months and it’s already unhealthy.
the only other explanation i can think of is that we're witnessing an active bipolar meltdown , but i have my doubts lol
Yep, my main SA was from my partner, when I was sober and he was abusive. Women are more likely to be assaulted by a partner than some rando at a party (this is not to discount when this happens, it 100% does) but people seem to forget that most SA is done by someone who know the victim.
A major part why I left my gf, couldn’t get her drinking under control. Unfortunate but I learned the naked way that you can’t help those that don’t want to be
Yeah, even as an introvert with social anxiety, I still can’t be convinced that OP’s GF is wanting something unreasonable.
OP was encouraged to compromise and her idea of a compromise was “Ok, so I’ll keep doing everything the same way and you can work around that. Compromise!” Sometimes people want their own way and it can’t be helped.
Sexual compatibility is almost as important as financial compatibility, if it’s mismatched then the relationship is going to have problems
It does tbh, but I think I’m not gunna chase him for answers.
That's not a threesome if OP and her husband were with a guy and a girl, in guessing that the husband was the guy in the threesome?
Either way their marriage is toast.
Speaking from my own personal experience every night out I’ve ever had where I dipped into doing ❄️- I remember. It’s not really something that you just forget about especially if she could tell you about other events of the night it wasn’t like she was blackout drunk and she found out later through a friend or something. I’m with you on this and I think that she did intentionally mislead you and I’m not sure if gaslit is the word but this is definitely manipulative and sneaky. I also think that it’s way blown out of proportion because you guys are almost 30 years old you should be able to go out and do whatever the fuck you want a night out and if you have friends that are not on the same page that you need to not be partying with them because it’s going to be a constant source of conflict. Either way though your girlfriend should never call you out when you guys are in front of people like if she had told you that it should’ve been something privately that she said to you afterwards not put you on the spot like that so that you’re sitting looking around kind of stupidly that’s totally messed up.
my ex had this same view on how to get dogs (and by extension people because it's never just the dog) to “respect him”.
i guarantee he's doing and saying things to you that you haven't mentioned here at all and this is not just about the dog. save the dog and yourself and throw the whole man out.
What are you to do? You break him. This was beyond cruel, and if you forgive him of this, he’s going to do it again and again and again.
Walk away while you are still young and kid free. It will not get easier with his “my way or nothing” mentality
I need more info OP, there are details missing here for sure. There have to be. What led up to this?
You know, for years I heard this because I couldn't have children. It hurt, BUT a wise woman pointed out to me that part of the Oxford definition of mom or mother is a woman who undertakes the responsibilities as a parent towards a child. Now, they come in many shapes, birth, adoption, step (you get it). Birthing and genetics is the scientific side. Nurturing is the other. Smells like jealousy to me, ignore her.
If you say so.
Just watch out if they start furnishing his spare bedroom together.
I meant to put 18 and 18
Definitely yes meet first and see how it goes. It may be completely different in person, but it also might be even better! I met my husband on Reddit. But we met and hung out multiple times and talked on the phone daily, went to a city halfway between us for a weekend away, all before being official so we could get to know each other well enough. You’ll know the time when it comes, but definitely meet in person first. Have fun!
Why is his obsession with your virginity not a dealbreaker for you??
Like this fundy mysogynist isn’t even hiding his colors and you’re all “yay let’s stay together and raise children so you can treat our daughters like shit”.
You want to be right about him so bad, I challenge you to tell him about your sexual past. The man will drop you like a rotten tamale faster than you can process it because what he wants is the connotations that come with a 23yo church going virgin.
Do yourself a favor and stop lying to yourself. People aren’t here giving you advice for fun, the advice is based on people’s real life interactions with trash men like your boyfriend. How are you not just gagging and how much he gets off on your perceived innocence?
OP,
Look, I could be wrong here totally, so if I am please forgive me.
When a woman has a child, it is both of your responsibilities to care for said child. If she is the one doing the most work, she could be resentful but might not say anything. She sees you in a different light and it might control her sex drive. You say you spend over an hour playing video games, or spending on a motor. How bout spending time with your partner and child. Helping her clean and cook etc. T
This doesn't mean you have to give up games or your motor. It means schedule with her a time. Say something like this, Tuesday night I want to spend at least an hour or two working on the motor. Then say something like please tell me a time you want to do something by yourself and I will take the children so you HAVE TIME FOR YOURSELF.
She might feel like her life is nothing but taking care of you and the children and she needs help. She might not know how to communicate this with out you getting upset. Think about how you both communicate and see if this might be true. You get that hour to hour and a half on video games, you also get what ever time by yourself working on the motor. Does she get anytime without the children for herself?
Hopefully this might be inciteful to you and will help you moving forward.
I just tell him either you cut it off because you’re making me uncomfortable and harassing me or you’re out of my life. I just cut them off. He’s showing that he doesn’t care about your feelings.
Why did you go ahead and marry her knowing that this was hanging over your head?
Spiting is someone's mouth isn't a normal hen night activity, there's sometimes challenges sure but what she's suggesting is gross and I can't see anyone wanting to go through with that
Agreed!
When you have had a dream about what you want from life and have fought to follow that dream, to have to admit it isn’t working can really affect future relationships.
If this guy is who he says he is, then I’m 100% convinced he will find his dream girl who is just as devoted to the relationship as he is.
Therapy for just him, will help him navigate the stress and trauma and help him reframe his dream into being achievable.
I know, in my 40’s, I’m dating a lot of men who are just angry and bitter because their marriage didn’t work out, and I have to pass on what could of been a great relationship because they try and make me their therapist and hold me accountable for all the sins of their past wives.
If the OP is the sweetheart he claims he is, he deserves to give himself the chance of a happy ever after with someone else.
I would suggest seeking out a therapist. It’s worrisome that you would be okay with this behavior. It’ll help so much.
You could try adding some places for him to hide – like a bed that he crawls in or maybe seal a box and cut some holes in it that he can go into. I also highly recommend a laser pointer, it gets my cats energy out really quickly if you use it a couple times a day.
probably both of them are on the lease
Take care of you and the baby. (the one year old one, I mean, not the big baby.)
I love that you specified what baby you were talking about, lol.
And I agree completely. However, I would like to add that unless he steps up and stay on top of things then that relationship is dead.
Her resentment will grow and at some point she will realise that she's better off on her own than continuing taking care of a man sized toddler.
If you're taking care of everything then not having to deal with his shit will lessen the load.
Not a red flag. ALL women can get sex on a night out in 10 seconds flat dressed in a potato sack ( if that's what they want) so how she dresses & who she interacts with is not a an indicator of her attempting to hook up.
Why would it be wrong for her to “interact” with people other than her friends whilst looking super naked? Sex is available to her any time , she is probably just looking to feel good/ noticed on a night out.
Women can enjoy supeficial male attention with no temptation whatsover, we get no extra validaion from a guys being willing to fuck us because sadly thats a given. Its the dating , loving respecting part that is harder to come by.
She is probably showing YOU how desirable she is in the hopes you snap her up.
If i'm wrong and she's out hooking up with a otherdudes its because she isn't into you and a second date wasn't happening anyway.
he sounds exhausting
In so many ways
What time frame are you thinking of moving?
No arguments there and maybe I'm misreading the OP's comment. I'm working under the impression that her boyfriend is deliberately seeking out female companionship and not dudes. If that's the case, then that should be a red flag for OP.