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Birth Date: 2002-01-09
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Date: November 24, 2022
Sounds like you answered your own question. Although he’s okay with it, you’re not consenting nor are comfortable with the idea. No means no.
Have you talked about marriage and assets? Prenup and division of labour? potential kids and work? A year can be short and long enough depends on the capability of the couple imo. Personally it's not irrational but I won't propose in only a year into the relationship.
Mayb move in together and see first if you both work out and it truly compatible. But to each of their own
Sorry…this is Not rocket science.
No Trust = No Relationship. Period. Full Stop.
it’s just wrong in general but knowing that he knew what you were upset about makes it worse. i agree with other comments that saying no is important, but i get sometimes it can be very hot after trauma. baby steps.
i had an ex that did this with me. he would always want to be sexual after i was crying to the point where he would find ways to make me cry or bring up something that he knew would make me cry. i’d just say talk with him about how it upset you and watch out for any sort of pattern like that.
Divorce that monster!!!
He isn’t respecting boundaries, keeps asking after you haven’t reciprocated
If it’s already an issue for you, yeah, you should consider ending the relationship ASAP. It’s not going to become less of an issue over time.
Very hot to comment with so little context. Why do you have so few friends? What was the conversation about, prior to him saying that?
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Facts
oh ya, women arent carrying babies to term for a guy they dont have feelings for.
Oh, its definitely the worst case scenario! He definitely has a crush on her! There is no 20yo kid buys $200 shoes for his brother's 19yo g/f for purely platonic reasons.
Honestly? I'd agree that it's likely to be the case but I'm no where near sold on that definitely being the case. People are awkward and weird sometimes. OOP knows the brother better than any of us do and her initial impression was that it was innocent. The only person in this story who thinks the brother has a crush on her is her transparently immature and paranoid boyfriend, who is hardly reliable.
Odds are he's probably crushing on her and got her an overly extravagant Christmas present, but I'm not ruling out the possibility that he's just a little off and wanted to get his brother's girlfriend something nice as the “welcome to the family” gift she interpreted it as.
Sometimes, maybe, but neither of my nieces or nephew ever did that. 100% when my nephew was 11 months and in my arms saying mama it was definitely not him calling me mama.
I’m aware. Point is: some kinks are kind of fucked up. I know because I have some fucked up kinks of my own. In mine though, I’m typically the receiver of whatever the fucked up thing may be. But I’m empathetic how crappy it would be if it was the other way around.
So, a cheater meets a cheater and decides to cheat.
Then, places the blame on the younger affair partner and contemplates how to sit better on two chairs.
Because, of course, HE is the one who is not happy being a cheater.
Nice.
I online where there are multiple break ins. There was a break in in my house too when I wasnt home. Now I have a very sweet belgium shepard but she doesn't like strangers at all. So sometimes she will bark. now the whole neighbourhood thinks I have a very scary dog. Fine by me.
Yeah, fortunately the visa process takes about a year. So we won't be able to get married until then.
How “late” was late for you?
First things first – if you're off birth control, are you trying to get pregnant again? That will be a marriage-killer.
There's no 'intimacy' in your relationship so it's very hot to just into sex without it. That's why it will feel awkward, almost like you're with a stranger. Have you been out on 'dates'? spent time with just of the two of you reconnecting? Does he touch you with affection and vice versa? You will need to rebuild y our 'romance' and intimacy but he also needs to get on board.
So, she wanted more attention from you. More love.
And instead of communicating that need with you, talking to you about it, bringing it up to you…
She turned to a coworker. And wanted to fuck them. And was planning to meet up with them. And was speaking to them intimately.
Sounds like a load of bullshit to me, if I'm being honest. She never tried to tell you she felt you didn't love her enough so instead she opted for a fling with a coworker? Continue with your divorce, she cheated on you and that fault lies with her, not with you. She should be groveling at your feet, not expecting you to make all of the changes to “win her back”.
Let him know there will be consequences to your relationship when you do the test and it comes back that he’s obviously the father.
The point is, there's a gap in life experience and sexual experience most likely as well.
Is there something else going on with this relationship that might be contributing to her situation?
It needs to be looked at as well to find out the extent of the problem.
It's not guilt if only the thought of getting caught is bringing it out of him.
Personally, I would have never married someone who's not okay with me having hobbies and spending time on hobbies.
Shared interests and hobbies are important to me. My alone time is important to me as well.
Being grown up and able to spend time without having someone else as entertainer all the time helps a lot.
OP is inconsistent as hell. She's trying to come up with the best, most acceptable answers she can – even if they contradict the next comment she makes.
So I have lived in different areas and moved because of work. I can say that having family around is important, having support is important.
The fact that he doesn't discuss things but you end up fighting and arguing because it his way or the highway is not a great relationship dynamic.
Practically can you work and have the children full time? What are the pros and cons here.
Can you move and make it work? That is the question.
You need to leave. You owe it to yourself. What he does and what happens to him is nothing you'd have any control over and it's not your responsibility either. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to be in this relationship.
Whether or not someone misses having heterosexual or homosexual sex is irrelevant.
My bf and I are both bisexual and while we both “miss” having sex with men and women, we love each other and would never ask each other for this “birthday present.”
Your fiance “missing” heterosexual sex doesn't make her requesting this from you justified. She has self control right? Being bisexual doesn't mean you get to ask to have sex with other people and expect your partner to be ok with it.
He’s incredibly toxic and controlling. No partner should be telling you to choose between them and a longtime friend. You need to get out of there asap
I think your relationship just ended. Your values in no way match. I'm sorry
Respect their decision to date someone else and shut my mouth. Because I care about my friends feelings and don't want them to feel like they're doing something wrong, because they aren't.
If you're looking for someone to tell you that what you did was justified, it wasn't. You're 30. You should know how to behave respectfully.
There’s no coming back from this. She hooked on “what ifs” and is clearly very bored of the solid, stable life you two have. Don’t let her drag you down into this with empty words and reassurances. She’s shown her true colors and wasn’t even completely honest with you from the get-go like she’s expected to be, you had to pull the answers out of her.
I wouldn’t trust her at all after this.
This sounds extremely weird to me.
Some random ideas that come to my mind after reading this are: – they are all covering for each other with their wives and each have an AP that they go and see on Saturdays. – they are into illegal activities and they aren’t friends at all, just business partners – they are apart of some kind of male only club, but don’t want anyone (wives) to know.
Honestly, I just find it strange that he spends every Saturday with these people yet they aren’t friendly to you. One would think that your husband and them are good friends, from the amount of time they spend together, so wouldn’t they want to get to know his wife, even just superficially?
Have you noticed any new behaviour from your husband (beside Saturday night)? Eg. more spending, more $ coming in, change in style of dress, etc.
Have you looked these friends up on social media to see if they have a family etc? Also, where did he meet them?
Usually when somebody's accusing someone of cheating, they usually are the one that is cheating. Look around and see what's going on!
Nope!
How old is your youngest child? Especially when there are multiple kids, a mama can need two or three years to begin to feel a bit of thirst again, just from the way hormones promote bonding rather than mating. Too many people, both men and women, get the idea that ‘cleared to have sex’ postpartum means ‘ready to enjoy sex’ and feel like something is wrong when they just don’t feel any heat. It’s not abnormal. It does mean to keep expectations real, and ask questions about what actually feels good for your wife. It sounds like pleasure is elusive for her and she may not even have a good sense of what works for her at this life stage. If PIV sex doesn’t feel particularly good, or if sex takes over when your wife wants cuddling (those bonding hormones!) she might be feeling put off.
You can try visiting with a couples therapist who specializes in sexuality to help you both have more open and productive conversations about pleasure and sex. I also recommend the show ‘Sex Rooms’ as a conversation starter, if you’re both down. It’s all about reclaiming pleasure when life has gotten in the way.
What's important should be whether there is attraction between you two, loyalty, trust and love. There rest can be learnt together.
Thank you so much I honestly agree…
End it like you should have two months ago.
This is a pattern now of him being a bad boyfriend, then crying and holding a pity party promising to change and you feeling bad for him and giving him another chance to hurt you.
Let him grow and change all on his own. You don't need to be his cheerleader for him to change. You need to take care of you.
In all honesty stranger, I feel badly about myself when I'm with her
That right there is really the only thing that matters. It sounds like this relationship is hurting you, and nothing about wanting to exit a relationship that's hurting you makes you a bad person. Nothing you have written makes you a bad person. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a relationship that makes your life better, not worse (if a relationship is even what you want).
I know a lot of the above is cliche, but it's true.
Exactly,
“I have packed your stuff and changed the lock. Please be gone today.”
“Couples” therapy can actually be beneficial for divorcing parents to learn how to coparent together and get their kids through the tough parts.
Every other week for ~5 days? He was spending a third of his time staying with someone else and that wasn't a problem?
Right, so everyone has outlined why this is just straight up a bad idea but have you considered what your wife is going to be asking for when her birthday rolls round?
Which one of your mates is going to be the chosen one? Better start thinking on that because if you go through with this you're giving your wife a “but it's only fair” MMF threesome so best get your head around that too.
Don't go there anymore, it's been over for a long time, he's still not ready.
Blahblahbabbity blah. The ENTIRE reason we're having this discussion is because his partner is debating whether to end the relationship or not. My reply is in context TO THE ACTUAL DISCUSSION. Not your whiny manchild agenda. So sorry you can't follow a conversational thread but that ain't my problem either .
It is cheating and you’ve been through it to know what it is. You asked your husband previously about those text conversations and he lied and played it off as nothing. You read the messages and it’s not nothing. You are being manipulated and gaslit by him. Find a lawyer for yourself and get a lawyer. Your lying, cheating husband and his manipulative therapist are keeping you depressed.
I'd present him a termination agreement. I rolled my eyes so very hot I think they almost feel out of my sockets.
As someone with several severe mentall illnesses, depression among them, you are 100% right. Battling this kind of thing isn't just one big battle, it's many. Wave after wave of enemies, a grueling test of endurance. Every “warrior” needs rest but a consistent break to hardly fight will leave you open for even greater pain. This can be a lifelong thing, so ya better try to get good at fighting.
Of course people need support too, a break from time to time. You have to be reasonable and rational with this. Such as encouragement, being there to listen, spending time with them during especially very hot times and maybe helping give them a bit of a break from time to time. You just can't let that last 1 turn into a “maid” service and these things can never be demanded. You could for example surprise them with a meal from time to time.
I always knew there was a possibility she would want to experiment and hoped that would be okay with it when the time came. But I'm not there yet and she is.
I’m sorry this happened to you. You can reach out to RAINN dot org to talk about your experience
Not really like that ever honestly
but they all seemed like shitty therapists.
Therapy only works as much as the patient is willing to work at it. Your “boyfriend” seems like a shitty patient.
Also, you have entered into a caretaking position in this relationship which is also unhealthy for you. Have you ever looked into codependency?
Codependency is when we worry more about someone else's problems than they do, and try to fix it for them. You have become your boyfriend's fixer, not his partner.
He said he'll try, if he shows no signs of improvement you'll know he doesn't care.
This is abuse and it’s been going on about 13 years too long. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life being manipulated by a man who seems to be looking for ways to make you feel shitty
“looking at them” ? …sure. Nudes are private images shared in the context of a romantic relationship. Unless you've been given explicit permission by the sender, it's an unsaid rule that the respectful thing to do is delete them once that relationship has ended. It's especially disrespectful to continue jacking off to your ex's nudes once you're with someone else.
Honestly it doesn’t sound like it’ll be worth the wait :/ what do you picture your dream guy to be like? I recently accepted I’m into guys so hopefully we both can find the man of our dreams soon!