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Date: December 2, 2022
I wonder if alot of his ideas were shot down, and the team won in spite of his limited contribution.
OP please tell me what you are doing in bed to this man. I need new tricks lmao
Maybe try a mattress that helps with movement, and get a sturdy bed frame.
Purple mattress barely moved when my bf moved.
Nothing wrong with that. It’s your body. Get the termination if your don’t feel ready. Only you can make this decision
Sounds like you're wasting his time given that you said that you don't admire or fully respect him as a person. Sounds like that is the biggest issue instead of the sex. He deserves better than you as he deserves a woman who ACTUALLY admires and respects him instead of one who outright came off as toxic by saying that.
he’s never got me a gift, even for my birthday this year. id understand after a while into the relationship it could get harder buying gifts but he’s never got one or tried to ?. we went to a shop today & i always go to the book section to see if my favourite author is there. he’s always w me & if he paid attention today then a £7 book could’ve helped him.
He has been independent for a big part of his life, the custody battle with his ex is just so he can see his kids and i, a person who grew up with a flaky father, fully support him wanting to be there for his kids. Now the mother doesn't like that and that's another problem. But he's not in any way hung up on her- he is just asking for visitation rights, which he has but the mother never allows him to enforce those…
It doesn’t sound like she is going to change, at least not any time soon. Are you knowledgeable about PDD? Some people just like the mundane and aren’t driven. It going to be nearly impossible for her to start anything new until therapy kicks in. And who knows where they start in therapy; a job could be on the bottom of the list to address. Could you do couple’s therapy? Is she on meds?
It is insecure, that’s why I said it’s her problem and not his. Biphobia is incredibly common, even if it not explicitly stated. The fact that she jumps to gay guys and not straight or bi women is telling?
If you end up getting what you want and the emotional cheating turns into physical cheating and it comes to a breaking point of her getting caught and breaking up or she leaves him for you, you may never trust her down the road because you may start to think “what if she does to me what she did to him”.
Tell her she can't have her cake & eat it too and that you two can't be anything until the two of them breakup and cut off contact because obviously the lines between frienship and being a couple have become blurred. If she really wants you, she'll come to you. It is going to be extremely difficult but it's what is right in this circumstance.
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Bullet dodged. I'm sorry, it sucks, but what else is there to say? Man is trash.
Dude – 6 weeks in and it's so unstimulating for her she wants to date others – it's time to move on.
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It's not.
he's lying to you again – he got you to spend a lot on him to finance his lavish lifestyle, and he'll love bomb you until you start doing it again.
leave.
find someone who doesn't lie to you.
I don’t think OP knows what “‘making first move” means given his post and replies.
If it doesn't go well, how you going to look at her.
First, drop the pilk nonsense. Second, this is going to sound crazy, but talk to them. “Hey I'm really good at chess since it's my hobby. Would you like me to play you at my best, have me take it easy, or help you learn?” It is that easy, man.
Is your boyfriend human? Does he have a heart? Emotions? Geez. Hope he’s your ex boyfriend now
Honestly, block him, delete him from your life. Time will make the pain fade. But if you keep that carrot dangling , of course you're gonna question yourself. You're just torturing yourself at this point. He has children, it is over.
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The fact he lied is a bad sign.
But are you happy? Does he meet your needs? Is he good to your children? Does he validate them and love them unconditionally? Does he love consistently and in a predictable way on 99% of days? (We're all human and allowed a shit*ty day or 2)
Or does he chop and change so you never know if you're getting? Is affection unpredictable? Is it massive highs, withdrawals and lows where you beg for scraps of attention/affection?
You need to step back and ask some serious questions.
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Uh huh. First guy that shows you attention and you jump in ignoring every single warning sign and other women telling you it's a bad idea.
You seem pretty determined to make this mistake, so maybe learning the hard way will make it stick better for you. You don't seem very keen on taking anyone's advice since your friends have been telling you this is stupid for nearly 5 months now.
At least make the mistakes quickly, before the baby starts retaining memories and you help in screwing up this kid's attachment issues. If you're a fast learner hopefully you'll figure out why this is such a bad idea before the kid hits 3 and you can dip out with minimal damage to the kid.
Leave. Time to go.
6 years is more than enough. Don’t let him take ur full 20’s and u learn later this same lesson
how do you know?
If she stopping the relationship from taking the next step, you need to reevaluate everything OP….
It goes… dating, engaged, marriage
Or
It goes dating, engaged, X broken up
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Exactly. It’s not really about the ‘difference in dating/sexual experience’, it’s about how someone perceives those differences.
I am so sorry you are going through this when you should be happy and celebrating your family. Do you have any family nearby that can give you some support? I don’t advocate brushing this under the rug. It needs actively dealing with and you need to get some support to do that so that it doesn’t become all about how you are attacking his poor fee fees. Seriously. This was more than a douche move on his part and involving his ex in the deception is the wee icing on the shit cake.
It is probably much worse without the protection of a marriage contract and a prenup. Discuss it with a local lawyer.
Why would she use her full legal name on an OF account if she’s at all concerned about privacy?
How are your wiping skills?
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My father tried to kill me, with a knife, he fought me like a wolf, and I decided ten years later to let him into my children’s lives as a grandad and he was brilliant.
I never forgave him.
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Yeah, your relationship is doomed.
He doesn't love her at all. He's addicted to the way she makes him feel.
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I don't think I would agree to this prenup as you would be giving up way too much, and he's giving up nothing.
Counter propose something fairer. If he still won't go for it, I would let him go.
He sounds like he is extremely stingy. I would not want to marry that.
Send me the link where I said it's zero work. Stop jerking off.
I think you’ve waited long enough; again I really am very sorry this is happening, I can’t imagine how naked it must be. I hope you figure things out and find happiness, good luck Op
Strange. My bf lost his virginity to me. I was his first in anything sexual. And yet, he was never rough or overwhelming or anything. A guy has to be pretty fucking stupid to not know that porn is a baaaad thing to imitate when it comes to sex.
Or if his main reference is porn it’s possibly also paying for sex.
Should you break off? YES.
He tells you, you're perfect but wants to change you because he likes big tits? That's manipulation.
I think if he wanted to date his bestie he would be dating his bestie and not you
Idk if you even read that, but I’m pretty aware of my misery and I’m pretty aware that the person i am is destined for either. So i came up with 2 thoughtful options for you kind folks to ponder so i can bear at least tiny bit less of the responsibility of my life being miserable because of my many poor decisions blah blah blah by offering a couple sensible options to a large sample size of people so i can commit to one and try to make the best of it. Im trying to be scientific.
Yes, he's cheating.
Guessing you're a dude?
Women are conditioned to keep themselves safe. Rejecting men in public is a bad way to stay safe. And potentially causing a scene with a customer is a bad way to stay employed.
A lot of guys forget that just because they aren't a jerk doesn't mean that many other men are, and that without knowing what kind of guy they're dealing with women will err on the side of caution.
He lied & led you on for 3 MONTHS, 100% of the trust is gone & so is the relationship.
Ok that is not how partners work. Him fleeing to his mother's house is something a child would do, not a 30something year old man with a baby on the way. You have every right to wonder where he is, you're his fiance. It would be weirder if you didn't worry! I get worried if my husband takes longer than normal to drive home from work because his vision is getting a little weaker (he can still drive at night just fine, but still! I love him, so I worry!). Not once has he acted as though I was smothering him by worrying.
I'm starting to think this whole “staying at his mother's house” is a cover for something else…another life? Family? Something?! It's far too strange. I'm sorry, but that behaviour isn't normal, regardless of his “documents” being there (move them bro, jeezuschristo). You were being abandoned. Honestly I'm sorry you're heartbroken, but I'm glad he weeded himself out of your life early. You don't need a partner like that, it will teach a very impressionable child all the wrong things, as well as stress you out more than you need. Please keep us updated, but feel better and stay strong!
He finds it relaxing to lay his face on them. Calming.
Just because you repress your emotions doesn’t make it healthy or desirable for anyone else to do so.
I was the first one who talked to him. And..maybe yes
She's probably going over the top trying to justify her decision to herself. If she can provoke you into overreacting, she will feel vindicated. I recommend distancing yourself from her, though not necessarily physically. (For sure, talk to a lawyer before moving out.) Everything will go better if you can handle this situation in cold blood.
People that don’t have a problem with alcohol. Don’t have to organize it like that. I’m a recovering person and I remember trying to figure out what was too much and not enough and how to organize it. I got sober over two decades ago. If you think that you might be try going off alcohol for a while, ordinary people have periods for the drink, a lot and then months or even years were they don’t drink hardly anything.
Grow up.
This! ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ ?????
Omg right! While running destroys your body!
It’s not so simple with kids involved though – dads rarely get preferential treatment where I online.
Now block him on everything.
It is sad. No one likes ending a fantasy but you haven’t given up dating people.
Be determined that this has ended.
Time to find someone that wants you and not casually.
Not necessarily. Sounds like she has an income. If they are in the US the worksheets used by divorce courts take into account both parties incomes. If they saved all of this money together, the judge will split it. The house will be sold and split. Alimony is becoming more and more unlikely unless they are already millionaires though it isn't guaranteed and it is only temporary. Depends on who has the best lawyer really. Child support will be based off each of their incomes.They will both be okay. She can go find someone who doesn't have the early retirement goal and wants to have another child. 2 children will increase child support unless they agree to 50/50 custody which nowadays often leads to little or no child support.
You sound like an abuse victim making excuses. Have you tried not being a little bitch?
I would have a hard time dealing with that myself:
About 1 week later, her friend admitted to lying and my girlfriend dropped her but now they are friends again.
This is someone who made an attempt to sabotage your marriage. Throwing baseless cheating accusations for the sole purpose to disrupt your reletionship.
I say marriage because you two are practically at this point. Not only did it jeopardize your reletionship, but it also jeopardized your childs potential of having a two parent home.
That poor kid. Robbed of a healthier family upbringing because of a reckless person due to a lie.
I am really bothered by this the more I think about it.
I don't understand how your GF can just… accept this with no consequences for her friend.
Anyone who made an attempt to break my marriage and risk my child's potential for a better life, they're deleted without hesitation.
Judgment? Are you God or a judge? If neither then I don't care really.
Dude seriously, this is bad behaviour plus manipulation. Why the fuck do you want to stay?!
“I don’t care about my girlfriends privacy and broke her trust to read her diary and now I’m upset she had feelings for an online man before we got together”
This makes me really sad for her tbh
Same highscool, same classes (,; But it has it positives tho
it sounds like she needs therapy to learn how to cope in a healthy way
Check your chat
Was alcohol involved? Was he very tired?
Get a lawyer, figure out how to walk away from this with what you’re due. Then block him everywhere and go no contact. He doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
Question. Are you seeing a therapist about this? Do it for your own sake. She absolutely is being unkind if she’s laughing at you. She may be trying to laugh with you but I couldn’t possibly know that. I’m a big believer in saying.. that hurt my feelings.. right when I get my feelings hurt. Not later. Right then. It’s asking a lot of someone to tiptoe around your issues if you aren’t actively seeking help for those issues.
It doesn't matter whether you're dating someone or not. If you have a boundary, it's unacceptable for anyone to cross it. That's the end of it, which you said yourself.
Now, I want to try my best not to blow this out of proportion if it's an isolated incident. But let's still be clear that what she did is absolutely not ok, and despite what I say next, being drunk is never an excuse for any inappropriate behavior.
So now having said that, I'd love to chalk it up to her seeing it as harmless fun, and that her being drunk was largely why it happened. Again, not an excuse (and I realize how what I'm saying really makes no sense). Why I'm even focusing on it, is because you told her while she was drunk not to do it. Has this ever happened before? Have you ever discussed this while you were both sober?
I'm really struggling with this because I hate that I'm essentially excusing it. But I do want to be pragmatic here. She's your friend, and I assume you don't want to end your friendship here. So instead of just saying that she's awful and you should end your friendship, I'd suggest sitting her down and talking to her about all of this and firmly establishing boundaries will sober. Hopefully all is good from there. If it happens again, then it's time to reconsider your friendship. Good luck.
Agree, it sounds like hes been lying to some extent to both women. And what business does a 30 year old man have with a 22 year old woman. There is more to the story then he is letting on.
Do not ever tell your gf
And for gods sake do not EVER touch her sister.
He seems very untrained in resolving conflicts he rather just bury his head in the sand.. If he sees it as a problem and is willing to change he can get better. Otherwise your life will be with this passive aggressive stuff all the time.
It kind of is her (OP’s roommate) business as OP is late on rent every month. Blames the roommate, the government, credit card debt, but ultimately only one person is at fault here.
Buy a goat mask, answer door hard with that on.
Wow! As I said, you are insufferable and exhausting. Yeah, just keep on keeping on with hen pickingly defending a guy who has completely blown his gf off for long periods at a time, leaving her in the dark and being cruel enough to know how badly he is ripping her heart out, and I will stick with common sense, experiences and many observations. You don't even make sense, and I am not the only obe who has told you this. It shows your empathy for the Ops pain quite loud and clear. In the meantime, I will recognise this argument is like trying to play chess with a pigeon. Now go ahead and hen pick, straw man, red herring and circular reason away. I will not waste any more of my time responding to it.
This relationship isn't working
First off, sorry about losing your mother to cancer. I lost my Dad to it.
Your boyfriend is an idiot. Grief can last a literal lifetime. You learn to handle it better and “get on with things”, but it isn't going anywhere. I'm 15 years on from losing my Dad, and it still fucking breaks me at times just thinking about it.
That said, your boyfriend is an insensitive piece of shit. The only reasonable thing to do is dump his ass. If he can't be there in your hour of need, then he needs to go. “If you can't handle me at my lowest, you don't deserve me at my best”, as the saying goes.
For his age too low. He should be more in to you. Ask him to See a doctor , 20 year old man should be jumping your bones , young dumb and full a cum. So tell him to see a doctor
If you “don’t use social media at all and it’s just there” why don’t you delete yourself? Obviously you are checking because you are not notices when people unfollow you. It’s been almost half a year, delete yourself and move on.
The issue is clearly with the friend, not her. His friend was being predatory from the sounds of it, and definitely crossing a line by targeting a friends wife. Tbh his wife seems very naive and she wasn’t being deceitful at all, she was persuaded into believing it would be a nice gift for her partner.
Yeah dude it’s wayyyy weirder for it to be a male friend. I would even go as far as to fight the guy- who the fuck does he think he is pretty much taking advantage of my wife? Viewing her in a way only I want to view her? Maybe he didn’t intend it that way but I would for sure take it that way. It’s wildly inappropriate in my opinion
Not confronted, but told him about it*
First of all, get an attorney and file for divorce.
Second, with the help of your attorney see what your options are for charging her with identify theft/fraud. You may be able to work with the bank to get any money drawn from your account back (since you didn't authorize the charges). You'll probably have to file a police report.
The amount here is going to put her into felony territory, so there is a chance she will go to jail. Are you willing/able to take full custody of the child if it comes to that?
Firstly this made me laugh.. secondly.. yeah I'm glad i met my husband when i was young. The dating scene in your 20s these days just seem full of these types of dudes.
Gotta ask, if it was an old video, let's say it absolutely is, there's a newspaper in the background.
Would you be able to get past this? Or would you be bothered forever and always be second guessing your self.
If you probably would have problem anyway, why worry about the other details. You know what you have to do.
I’m scared to bring this up as a potential deal breaker in our relationship, as I feel like the sexual aspect has to be on par with the other side to the relationship, and how I’m suffering physically.
Wait do you not understand that this is your meds and not your GF?
Seriously? You're asking why a woman doesn't want to bang a man with a 10 year old child IN THE SAME ROOM??
I think it is possible to rebuild the trust here. All he needs to do is be a bit more mindful of others and consider their well-being as well. If he is making those efforts and consciously trying to be more mindful of this, I don't see why you shouldn't try to work through it.
Yes, he acted poorly. Yes, he needs to do better.
I'd text him and tell him if he's still curious to date other people, then you will let him go on his way. At least he told you, though i don't understand why he would unless he's just using you to pass time.
One of the most effective treatments for gender dysphoria is to transition, as OP's sister has done. Much like cognitive behavioural therapy for depression, or stimulant medication for ADHD.
That is to say: what prompted your comment of 'justify[ing] her gender dysphoria'? What is there to 'justify', exactly? Do you encourage people against therapy or medication, lest they 'justify' someone's OCD or Bipolar disorder? Because that sounds an awful lot like shitting on mental illness.
I like how some others have put it: your big sis (28F) is weaponizing her transition to get a material object that she wants. That is so unbelievably shitty. It’s 100% possible to support someone’s transition without giving them your personal property. I am 28 and cannot imagine acting so juvenile and bratty – she should be embarrassed as hell right now! It was okay to ask… once. As a grown woman, she should have accepted your answer.
? poor man's award
No, he is not responsible for your mental illness. You need therapy. You should end this relationship and get therapy.
Stop calling it expressing your opinion instead of being controlling. That's being manipulative. All round about ways of saying you want to control her. You're applying pressure while trying to relabel it as concern. Stop it. The problem lies within you, not others.
Stop calling it expressing your opinion instead of being controlling. That's being manipulative. All round about ways of saying you want to control her. You're applying pressure while trying to relabel it as concern. Stop it. The problem lies within you, not others.
I doubt it's completely innocent but even if it is, this thing seems doomed.
I’m of two minds on this one.
First, it’s annoying to have to do the whole habitual call and response thing. And not everyone is glued to their phone and checking texts or even thinking about texts all the time. I don’t have notifications turned on and I check maybe 2-3 times a day. My partner/family/friends know that if they want a timely response from me, they need to just call and talk to me. If I’m busy, I don’t answer.
On the other hand, the “good morning” text was important to my partner. He told me so because I often wouldn’t respond to his 6am good morning text til after my morning meetings and that bothered him. So, because it was important to him, I set a damned alarm to remind me to text him each day. Thank god we online together now because I literally rolled my eyes almost every time I had to send one of the dumb texts.
How are you supposed to choose? You choose Cameron. You’ve betrayed Blaire terribly. She deserves better. Quit trying to have the best of both worlds. Do the right thing.
And really…you said Blaire is “everything you’ve wanted.” Apparently not.
Bullshit. People are so used to running their mouths on social media without consequence. If you talk shit, be ready to get punched in the mouth. That’s how the real world actually works.
Jesus Christ I would run so fast this is way too much too soon. This is not a normal adult relationship.
So when she's not being controlling and abusive she's great?
Abusive relationships aren't 24/7 screaming and beating. It's cyclical, lovebombing then abuse, and you never know when it's coming so you are always on edge. Don't sweep it under the rug as a cultural issue. She's abusive plain and simple.