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Room for on-line sex video chat Hikari_23
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Birth Date: 1993-02-03
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Date: December 9, 2022
I'm in the tell her boat.
If you have any evidence, convo history, proof you were there, same place, screen shots of proof he has you blocked (if he didn't know you, why would he have you blocked, yk?). Dump it all at once. Don't be short, extend your hand if she wants to talk more but ultimately she may not believe you. Keep him blocked yourself, he may come after you.
By telling her, you've done everything you could to make it right. You've wiped your hands clean and can move on. Lesson learned, don't assume anything about anyone ?♀️
Yes tell her.
Wouldn’t you want to know ?
The thing is, your relationship IS on the back burner to school – as it should be. You’re in med school. It requires full focus. Many a relationship has been broken during career training that requires such dedication, like med school. Shoot, single people have been broken by it lol.
You can validate his feelings, and hold space for them, express your love for him, but at the end of the day he has to understand that for the next however many years your time and energy will be consumed. He has to decided if what he gets from you now is enough to sustain him until he can have more of you (after your residency, which will be harder/more consuming than med school).
Your dream, and your future is to be a doctor. Hopefully he can come along for that, but sometimes paths diverge and that’s sad but it’s ok. What’s meant for you will be yours.
You can’t love someone out of mental illness. You cannot negotiate with mental illness. If someone is suicidal then your compassion can only delay not cure. I have twice survived suicide and I guarantee that nothing you do will help your GF. She needs therapy. Until she addresses her mental illness, her behavior will not change. Even if she is using threats to manipulate you, that’s also a sign that she needs professional help. If she threatens to kill herself, assume that she is being serious and call emergency medical services (911, 999, whatever it is where you are). Serious threats get serious reactions. Once she is getting help then give her support and compassion. Your participation can help therapy but it cannot replace it. The greatest act of love you can do for her is realizing that this is a battle you cannot win. This is not a battle that you are even qualified to fight.
For guys I believe it's a monthly sub yes
Then the best thing to do, would be to calm down.
Be happy, be motherly, but know that you have A LOT of time to make up for lost time. So you can take some pressure off yourself.
it’s hot because i see him struggle with how they treat him and he is such a good friend to them. but idk how much should i have to compromise in order to be with a person who i am in love with?
I vote creepy
“Oh yeah I was just saying I would totally make out with this guy I said was supppper hot because I wanted to pass the vibe check bruh”
You're dating a female neckbeard. Don't walk out, run.
Okay so I’m going to offer an alternate perspective: I really don’t see much wrong here. The BIGGEST thing I suggest is having a talk with her about STI/STD’s, and teen pregnancy. That’s the route she may be heading down if she’s not careful. I also agree with your update comment to limit discord, more because she has been talking to older men and that’s dangerous.
When I say I don’t see much wrong here I mean purely in the sense of her curiosity. Based on what you’re saying about your parents, sex sounds like it could be a big taboo in your upbringing. It was in my household to, I was raised in a very religious home where any even remotely sexual desires were taught to be suppressed. Unfortunately this had the complete opposite effect for me, and after some conversations with a therapist its very common in those who were raised to see sex as extremely taboo. When I was first learning about masturbation, I was into WAYYYYY weirder stuff than I would ever even think of today. We have unrealistic expectations of sex because its such a foreign concept that we make up these ridiculous fantasies because our sexual maturity is nonexistent. By the time I went off to college I was only ever watching vanilla shit. I really truly think this is a phase thing.
I'll text you happy bday instead for now. Im sure it will all go well for you mate
It will be fine, dont lose hope
i hope i’m not too late to the party; happy (possibly belated) birthday, OP! i hope your next ones are filled with love and laughter. keep chugging, i know it’s hot but everything will be just fine!??
If you aren't actively trying to not get her pregnant then you are actively trying to get her pregnant. You are in control of your penis. Use protection or be abstinent if you don't want to be a father.
Also known as “being a toxic parent”. Some parents just genuinely hate their kids and even if they do nothing wrong.
You can break up with anyone for any reason.
You are 18 and this is already a problem so it is not going to become less of a problem, it will grow to resentment.
Please grow as a person
You got lucky. Find a woman who int a gold digger.
These people are horrible! They've shown you who they are and what they mean to you. Adjust yourself anyway necessary to be comfortable. The squad is trash.
Thanks for replying.
I don't know if it's appropriate to give examples here because these things happen while communicating about intense, important and personal parts of our relationship.
However, I can tell you that the frequency is high whenever it comes to serious communication. I'll say at least ⅔rds of the time.
No! She’s not interested in you like that and made it pretty clear. Don’t try again, move on.
Floyd is a 45 year old Grandad so duh, yeh..
Have a baby. Then your life will never be your own again. She won’t have time or energy to worry about makeup or herself.
First of all, it isn't toxic to be uncomfortable and tell your significant other that youre uncomfortable with them hanging out with someone that they cheated on you with. In fact, she's absolutely in the wrong for continuing to hang with him after she's cheated with him, AND you made your feelings about it making you feel bad abundantly clear.
The fact that she thought it was ok to still hang with him after she cheated with him without you saying you're uncomfortable is enough of a red flag alone.
Honestly, if her answer isn't stop contact with this dude, you should move on from her. Don't let go of your boundaries and standards. You deserve to be in a trusting relationship. She sounds like she isn't going to stop contact, so it's probably for the best to just break up
He’s resting how you respond to his boundary pushing . If he SLAPS you and tries to physically force you right at the beginning of the relationship just imagine how he will be in 5 years
Gee…you lied to him his entire life, and now he's being abused by the man he thought was his father, because of your lie. I wonder why he hates you. Poor kid.
Omg I’m so fed up with insecure men like this. If she wanted she could have cheated anyway. You either trust her or you don’t, very simple. Or maybe you prefer to close her in a tower and lock the gates and have you be the only point f contact in her life?
Perhaps you’d rather her drive drunk so you won’t feel insecure?
It's rape. No matter how you look at it, it's rape. The second you do not consent it is rape. He sees you as an object.
Dude just move on.
1 Stop sleeping with taken men, hell stop talking to taken men. Also, nvr assume someone is single especially when they've cheated in the past…. 2 Yeah fucking tell her, she's the right to know. And what drama would u deal with? U send her a msg saying your fiancé cheated on you, and then that's it. Not your problem anymore.
But yeah, you need to work on your judgment skills… Agrees too meet up with someone who's cheated, with you, on their partner, then ASSUMES he's single and SLEEPS WITH HIM AGAIN without confirming he was actually single, and the cherry on top? Once finding out they're still together decides it's “on him” to tell her this time, especially knowing that he didn't come clean the first, literally because you didn't want to deal with the drama, that isn'teven your drama to deal with? DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW FUCKED THAT IS????? ?
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This is toxic on her part. She should NOT be entertaining men she was sexually involved with, at all.
I would wait 3 months at least.. you really need to know how she is feeling about it, if she’s truely into you for the long run.. you can feel how you feel but there’s nothing to gain by rushing. Just enjoy your time together and it will come, maybe she will say it first
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Dump him
Yea he might be mad. But clearly something is wrong with him/the relationship so if you want to make it work you don't have a choice.
Ask him why he does it. Is there something he isn't getting from you? Is he not getting emotional support from you? I'm not accusing – it's possible he does feel that way even if you feel like you are supportive. Does he come to you with stuff and if not why?
Your mom needs to know.
I think Tom seduced N deliberately to hurt your mom and chose you to be the one to find out first in a sick attempt to hurt you too, and possibly trying to drive a wedge between you and your mom by making you the bearer of bad news. Stick with your mom and help her navigate her anger over this betrayal and also grieve the end of her friendship with N.
So then whats the point of your post? If you want to give up sex for your partner then great. Do what you gotta do. But if you’re going through the trouble of making a post about it we’re going to assume it’s because you have an issue with is. Or you’re just a bad troll.
It's only one activity, don't base you being “not fun” just because camping isn't your gig.
Don't try to be someone you aren't just to please him. I would bet her probably felt a bit macho being able to comfort his GF who was scared of wildlife, might have even found it a bit cute. He gets to be the protector of his woman, the rugged knight in shining armor.
Just plan other activities that you are more comfortable with. If you do camping, just do the best you can. I'm sure you can make up for the camping performance in other activities.
My question to you is this: How did you find out? How did the conversation start?
Did you have to ask her and try to pry out the details of the situation or was she the one who volunteered this information? Due the timeframe either of these options do not look good.
She knew that you were not comfortable with her sleeping with her FWB and she did it anyway While you were dating and kept it hidden from you. This is cheating. As simple as that.
She knew that you won’t be happy with it and if you had found out then you would have broken up with her and likely that’s why she hid it from you. The timing is suspicious because it’s possible that she feels secure enough in this relationship that she feels that you won’t leave. So, she may want to tell you about this so that it’ll alleviate her own guild. I think she’s telling you just enough so that you’ll be mad but not too mad to leave the relationship. Either way, I think waiting for so long before telling you is manipulative on her part.
If you had to ask to pry out the details of the situation, then it does not bode well for your relationship in the future either.
Time for her to do something to support your trust in her was before sleeping with the FWB. She lied to you by omission. How can you believe at this point that it was only that one time. You found out because you happened to cross path with the guy. He may have visited her multiple times when You were not there.
I think when you ask ‘ What can she do to support my trust in her?;’ What you are really asking is how can I trust her enought in in a long term relationship. And that’s the tough question to ask. Because when things were new and you guys were in your honeymoon phase she did not respect enough to or your boundaries. Wathat do you think she’d do when you guys have been around for a long time and life is stressful for the both of you and there are disagreements in the relationship?
It’s 2022, how many phone numbers do you have memorized? How many of those are people you met in the last year?
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You realize there are allergy medications she could be taking. She is a grown woman and that is on her for not treating her allergies or mental health. She knew what she was getting into when she left for her sisters. This is not your fault and if she is blocking you over HER allergies then you are probably better off without her. Don’t be a doormat.
OMG. you’re in your 30’s dealing with this kind of crap??? People need to learn about interdependent relationships and how important they are. We as individuals need to maintain our individuality in relationships.
I believe the biggest reason of incompatibility and divorce is due to co dependence.
You can be in a healthy strong relationship and get a lot of needs met from others. Your partner does not need to be your everything.
You need to take care of yourself sir. And she needs to take care of herself. A grownup with bad allergies would have asked about this before leaving. Also- we all know about the storms.
You sir need to not take on the emotions of your GF. Allow her her space. Let her tell you how she felt. Then you take responsibility for your part which may be nothing. Maybe you apologize because the situation sucked but no one is to blame.
Your girlfriend deserves better
Ummmm …. Hey OP, Your husband is a closet gay.
I wouldn't trust the manipulation part rn. She is probably reading a bunch of things about narcisism and its symptoms, so she will probably think that her husband have it all even if she never thought he acted in such way.
Our mind does this, similar to when people read about zodiac stuff and are like “oh here it says that leo loves food, and I also love food so it's totally true!” In this case she's probably like “oh here it says that narcisists do X, and years ago there was this one time where he did something similar, he's totally a monster”.
It would be better for her to stop relying on Google and go see a professional for this case
How is this even a question…..
He's using you to get laid, and you are allowing it to be repeated. Pretty simple
Because he reaches out when he's horny. You're filling that need for him
To get into the boy's soul
People find love, or probably mostly lust in this case, wherever. In this instance it looks like a hookup. Could very well have been the start of a relationship. Who are OP and we to deny that?
In a perfect world (from OP's view) the friend would have told OP himself. But we don't know OP. We don't know how OP reacts, though the way the post is written could be a bit of a hint.
OP could very well be the sweetest guy out there, emotionally balanced etc. Or he could be someone that's quick to anger and have hands that are flapping harder than a hummingbird's wings. We don't know. The friend and the ex do.
Most if not all what we do here in the comments is projecting our own experiences on a situation an OP describes. It's all we can do. Doesn't mean one pov is better than another person's pov.
You’re 20 and dating for 4 years. Neither of you have any practice being in a relationship outside of this one. You (plural) don’t have any experience with how other people might relate to you in a relationship.
Your BF is right to be anxious about a relationship – he hasn’t got the experience or maturity to be in a committed relationship. He seems to also be afraid to be alone; dating around a bit helps put some thicker skin over that fear as you learn how to take care of yourself and the ups and downs of relationships.
Similarly, you have expressed a lot of ideas about sexuality, pornography, and flirtation that quite frankly seem mostly informed by something your parents or pastor told you and not by the realities that come with being an adult in an adult relationship.
From what you’ve written, neither of you is ready for an adult relationship, and committing to a long term relationship NOW is probably a recipe for a short and miserable marriage, with short only a possibility, but miserable guaranteed.
Maybe you should try putting the brakes on more commitment, and both of you focus on personal growth.
Follow thru with what you said you would do if she got a cat. She chose a cat over living with you. Take the major obvious hint and move out into an apt you are already renting.
I'd get it if you went alone, but he should be happy that you are going with multiple girls, so the chances of a guy hitting up on you are slim(I think).
You need to leave because your husband is a moron. Lol
Any man worth a damn knows that toys are your friend, not your opponent.
Society does not give men a pass, that’s complete horseshit. If anyone thinks that, they are vestigial notions from boomers or just shit people in general. Deadbeat dad is a routine phrase aptly used, but there is no equivalent for a mother of the same behavior because it’s seen as an extreme outlier. It’s for these same reasons that guys also often are ruled against in divorce/custody cases.
Pretty sure any reasonable person would agree that a parent out late getting drunk while young kids are at home is irresponsible unless some agreement/arrangement is made. I know plenty of parents that trade nights out occasionally and that’s fine. However, in this case you had a controlling spouse that went hypocritical and is ignoring the situation.
Not trying to be a dick, but you’re pretty delusional if you are wanting to be a single mother and at the same time move to Hawaii. You have no job or income. Savings can’t get you that far unless you have a plan.
If you’re deciding to have the baby, best chance for you and that kid is staying where you are. I am speaking as a father of a 3 month old that you need to make sure you have support. My wife lost her mind several times managing a baby and even when I am around to help for the child and her both financially and at the home.
We already did determine that we were exclusive with each other though. And it gotten pretty far to me when we were already meeting each others mom’s. Us never having sex doesn’t make the relationship not deep.. sure sex would have deepened in even more but it was still significant to a certain degree. Since we both talked about wanting to be together for the long term.
!updateme
If I were the kid, it would be easier to see how my parents treat me until 18, instead of being removed from that situation and wondering “what if I had stayed?”
My opinion is to stay married for now, keep things how they are, lay off the complaints about the mom (let her figure this out, don't be a voice louder than her conscience), and on-line your life the best you can until your kids are in college. Keep doing what you're doing, but stop telling the other adults what to do. Just do you. Let them be. If you get quiet, they might be able to hear you better.
Thank you for your response tho it’s very appreciated, Idek what I’m looking for in these answers rn just wanted to vent maybe im not sure
Omg gross
Whatever else you do, leave a letter for your daughter explaining kindly to her why you didn’t want her. Maternal rejection is a savage thing for a child to on-line with once they’re old enough to understand. It’s the least you can do.
You have a point and maybe thats why I'm so unsettled by this
This is a perfect example why I don't want to have kids. 😀
Honestly ur mother should leave u at this point.
So is it a little too much to drink a beer every night/every other night?
I think it's a bit much, yes. I have a cup of herbal tea to relax most days. I maybe drink alcohol 3x a month. I'm also a health nut, so my lifestyle isn't to everyone's taste.
If so, would wine be better?
For me, no.
Venting to my boyfriend was all truth. He even called her toxic himself and she talked shit about him as well.
There’s a time and place for everything. There was no need to say “yes.” Especially, when I specially told him not to tell anyone and he told me him self weeks back that if I had problems he’s always there to listen and will not tell anyone. It’s a break of trust. She already knows her self that I talked about things she had done to me with him. Ofc, because he is my boyfriend. I have no problem with her knowing. He told me it’s none of his business, if it’s none of his business couldn’t he just have said “this is between you and her, not me.”
I think your wife is looking for a way out of this marriage. You have just given her one and she will take it
Coming from a trauma RN, that shit don't happen that fast. If she needed immediate surgical intervention, there's no way, 12 hours later they're ready to remotely say she's a-ok. She likely wouldn't even be extubated yet.
She's gotten too comfortable and thinks she can call the shots because your boyfriend is wrapped around her finger. The situation does not look good for you tbh.
You should not have a child. I'm not saying abort it. You should think very hot about adoption.
Based on your post, you are young. You make poor decisions. You're not financially secure at all.
Your life will be very difficult and so will your child's.
Either way, you need to end this relationship. Even if it was going to be good, your decision to not abort has fully halted it. He doesn't want the child. He resents you.
If you decide to keep the child, which it sounds like, just file for child support and be done with him.
He doesn't care about the baby, and he doesn't care about resolving things with you or altering his life to become a father because he doesn't want a baby or a family.
This is an awful situation, but your frustration and anger at him is not going to magically resolve it. He's not going to be involved or invested because he does not want this. If you want to keep the baby and not consider adoption, you need to figure out better circumstances that do not rely on him. Because aside from whatever mandatory child support he needs to pay based on where you on-line, I don't think he cares to fulfil any other parental duties. So don't count on it. He's made his preferences clear.
Staying with a man who doesn't want to be a partner or father is a temporary solution to a decades long problem.
If you lack support outside of this man who you've known for a handful of months, how do you think that will impact the child? Your mental and physical health? You are rightfully worried about the life your kid will have, so you need to work on a plan and stop complaining about the child's father who overtly did not want the baby.
IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH THIS KIND OF SEX, DON'T HAVE IT. Your wants and needs are JUST AS IMPORANT AS HIS. Explain to him that this just isn't doing it for you, and tell him about the pain. If you aren't compatible sexually, it might be best to end this. Good luck to you OP.
Did you actually read the post
Own it. Don’t laugh it off.
Ask her why she doesn’t feel the same? Why is it a problem?
Maybe you aren’t compatible.
That's not what your post says.
Both my guy and I are grumps in the morning. He’s kinda just a grump in general and I’m like your wife and just need to get through my morning routine. His grumpiness is more a silent event so it’s easy to just ignore but I’ve just set up my routine to start before him or my son wake up so I can be peppy for them.
Does she acknowledge this grumpiness? Would she be willing to wake herself up a bit early to help it out? Also my automatic coffee maker has really changed my life.
Where are you inventing this nonsense she is in love with her ex from? Repeating your imaginings will not make them reality.
I on-line in reality not your imagination land.
Glad to hear you and hubby got beyond this bullshit that snake in the grass tried to cause. She’s a real piece of shit and no friend for anyone. Women like her are also the reasons why I make sure to keep on alert with how a female friend interacts with my man and if they are starting to make it a habit of trying to have alone time or private talks with my man. It’s shocking just how many times I have heard through out the years about a good dear well trusted friend, that was never suspicious tried to fuck their friend over by trying fuck the boyfriend or husband. This does not mean ALL friends are bad, just pay attention to their behavior, body language and their sudden need for private talks with hubby, is all.
Don’t do it. She sucks for cheating on her spouse. You suck for being a part of it when you know she’s married.
He said that her only issue was the gender, so yes I'm going to go off of the facts we were given and not try and make stuff up to fit whatever narrative I want.
Yea you are. You don’t drink after having heavy substance use problems. It’s trading one addiction for another more acceptable one
Nope. It's time to get your son out of that environment. If your husband had any real intent to change, he would have gone to therapy for anger management.
I don't read that the same. What she was saying is that she would be expected to do things. Which, for whatever reason, she doesn't want to do. You need to talk and find out why she feels that way.
Thanks. I came clean with all 3 of them. And my ex said that he would forgive me and do anything to get back together even if it means giving me sometime to explore my options and decide what is best for me. The 2nd guy said that he understands that we were never exclusive and if i am willing to cut all ties with the other 2 guys he will be more than happy to pursue a relationship with me. The 3rd guy started crying not because I withheld this information but because i told him that i will never be able to connect with him emotionally. He is saying that we should give it a try. But i refused. I am cutting ties with all of them because it's been a little too stressful for me. I am moving to Australia in September and I think this is the best thing i can do for myself right now.
You…..you have stretchy arms on your bottom? I’ve had 3 kids, thankfully no stretchy arms on my bottom tho
So would you advice him to leave her and his child then? She's 20 now and he has no control over what happend but has control over what can still happen.
People being unable to process this is what's wrong with reddit and you, if you believe them.
Makes sense, I got the feeling during the month we were hanging out more seriously she didn't want it to be romantic, as it would have been a lot harder to keep our friendship if it didn't work out once we crossed that line. I think we both played it safe, if after that month she wanted to start officially dating I was planning on obviously initiating more physical intimacy, but it didn't feel right to do that beforehand.
Thank you for the advice! How do I stop from feeling upset over it or using it as a measurement of a relationship success? I guess my fear is that I’ve started to take the relationship too seriously and I have started to make plans but he doesn’t even want to plan a vacation with me for next year?
I mean, was it hiding it, or being sneaky? Because I think part of the joke was being sneaky: hahaha, the men left and now we are doing this, isn't that funny.
It's like when a friend gets up and you all plan a joke before he gets back. That is “hiding” it, but it's part of the joke.
I don't think you are particularly “irreverent” if you cannot decipher how them looking around and laughing was part of what made it funny, to them.
Again, you can not enjoy that type of humor, but the mechanics of it are solid.
Telling her that what she said made you uncomfortable is fine. I can imagine that sort of “joking” makes you feel insecure about the relationship. Your feelings are valid.
Demanding that she not talk like that in front of other people isn't necessarily okay, and thats an important distinction.
Please see a therapist.
i’m 30, so granted, younger than you, but think it’s naive to believe that time is the only factor as to whether or not someone has “moved on”. if you’re bewildered, it could be because you have been lucky enough to have had overall good relationships, or at the least, relationships that haven’t left you with any lasting trauma.
we don’t really know the full story of their relationship other than what OP has shared with us. to truly understand, we would need to hear from OP’s best friend. and this is why communication is so important.
Since that night, I’ve removed myself from any intimate contact with females whatsoever, I do no flirting, looking, I don’t even have a females number in my phone besides her.
Dnd is the greatest game of all time.
Dnd is the greatest game of all time.
Why do you have kids so young?
Ah, it’s the vagina spammer, but with out the weird spaces. And if it’s not, take a Women’s studies course to explore you neurosis, don’t post this shit on a relationship advice forum.
It's all about communication and responsibility.
He communicated to her, repeatedly, to get off him before he ejaculated. She refused. You state that the whole idea is to “talk to your SO” but he did talk to her and she ignored him.
We can disagree, but I still respect your opinion and I'm not about to insult you or demean you for it.
We don't have to. Men who are scared of commitment may be a lot, but for sure not high-value. What ever that even means.
You're six month in. That's not a lot of time. It's okay that you want to have some direction where this is going. So speak about it, open up about your feelings. That's what it means to be in a relationship. If he is not able to talk about this with you, then he is just not the right person for you and you should move on to find someone who can.
Best as you may know generally indicates one of something.
He sounds like a lazy ass. Ask for proof of these 500 applications. Honestly, I would move on. You deserve better than the POS you’re with. How dare he belittle you.
He's not that serious about you
if she likes cooking, make the meal together! it’s such a cute lil thing to do and you both contribute to a lovely experience together 🙂
Yeah the trip is definitely not cheap!
One detail is that she paid for one of my flights tho too… since we are going to visit another country she bought that one for me ? – hahaha what does “YKK” stand for?
When they ask for an open relationship, they already have someone in mind, or are already cheating with that someone.
Yeah that's the worst part
It must be terrible to realise that OP has spent 3 yrs dating an immature child…. willing to sacrifice nothing while expecting everything
He seems a bit clueless.
Sounds like she is carrying more than half the work load mentally, physically and emotionally in raising and managing the kids and household. If you aren’t able to take on more of the household and family responsibilities from her, then what you see is what you’re going to get for quite some time until these kids are much much older. Her chapter in life right now is a total libido killer. You are describing a totally spent and exhausted woman and you are requesting more of her – to be an energetic and enthusiastic lover. ??
Sounds like the trust has been broken. If he really is a compulsive liar, I don't see how the trust can be rebuilt. He'd have to stop lying for that to happen, and it doesn't sound like he can.
What the hell that's a great idea why did I not think of this…. Thank you!!
My big issue from him is when he doesn’t put me or my needs first, or when he puts others above me, or when he clearly makes no effort for me.
We’ve had this discussion over and over and I have seen him try in the last week, but I did think to myself, one more thing and I walk. But one more thing happened and now I’m like.. well 3 more things seem fairer if there’s a learning curve.
You are in a physically abusive relationship. Abuse isn't 24/7 beatings, it's a cycle of violence then love bombing. Please call a DV hotline and make a plan to exit safely.
Girl, move on. Sounds like you have a lot going on and he’s just concerned about getting his dick wet even though you were up front about how busy you are.
Also as others have pointed out, that’s a huge age gap.
Okay, this is the 3rd time in 24 hours in this sub I've had to tell someone their partner is an alcoholic.
OP: your bf is an alcoholic. He doesn't have a high tolerance (clearly), THIS is alcoholism. No control once he starts drinking = alcoholism. This is it. And if you want to stay with an addict, go ahead but start saving for therapy now.
If you don't want to date an alcoholic, stop dating this one. Wake up.
Stop taking care of him when he's drunk. And also, leave.
Tell her you snooped to her face and ask her exactly what the texts mean. If she deflects about snooping or lies, you should be able to tell whether she cheated it not.
He likes having you in his life in a limited capacity, so he’s doing what he’s doing to try to get that back. He doesn’t see or doesn’t care or doesn’t understand how in pain you are. To him, that’ll fade or it’s not important, what’s important is to get what he wants out if you, the friendship on his terms, regardless of how it effects you. But don’t do it, no good will come of it, block him on everything and move on.
Your boyfriend has a decision to make. He either gives you up and you both move on. Or he gives the friend up and you two move on together.
You might decide to take the agency away from him. Tell him it’s over and you move on. You’ll be OK. He’ll still have a friend who has banged his ex and cost him a relationship. Good luck to him with that one. Good luck. ❤️
Don’t follow through with the marriage!! At least till y’all figure each other out
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
He isn't upset because what you said was harsh.
It is because you called his bluff.
His statement wasn't meant to get a retort. It was meant to make you feel so guilty and self conscious you kissed his feet.
When you pointed out the obvious he cracked. Because yeah. It's bullshit. He is obviously a toxic sack of so and so.
The question becomes not what he has done or given up, but rather what exactly it is that is easier about having him around. Like at this point a child support check would be much easier. It is him that has to prove he is capable of a dad, not you appreciating his non existent effort.
He went for a slam dunk on you manipulation wise and you slammed that shit right out of his hands and knocked out his coach on the sidelines.
He isn't upset because what you said was harsh.
It is because you called his bluff.
His statement wasn't meant to get a retort. It was meant to make you feel so guilty and self conscious you kissed his feet.
When you pointed out the obvious he cracked. Because yeah. It's bullshit. He is obviously a toxic sack of so and so.
The question becomes not what he has done or given up, but rather what exactly it is that is easier about having him around. Like at this point a child support check would be much easier. It is him that has to prove he is capable of a dad, not you appreciating his non existent effort.
He went for a slam dunk on you manipulation wise and you slammed that shit right out of his hands and knocked out his coach on the sidelines.
Sir, fire the shrink and fire the wife. She's cheating on you, emotionally at the least. And gaslighting you. And lying. And your shrink is okaying it? Fire em both. Get new ones lol.
I don't know what type of sex you're having but a good way to convince her you don't care is to just do it anyway, and get a little nasty wit it. A period ain't stop nothing but a sentence.
You don't trust him, you pack his things and tell him to go.
You don't trust him, you pack his things and tell him to go.
Walk away
Wow you fucked up. Had a kid with your sons friend? Honestly everything he said you frankly deserved.
Maybe your GF drinking is significant to your daughter/Ex…otherwise why would it have been mentioned?
It's a relatively non issue to drink a glass of wine.. but if it happens EVERY or almost every night… it may be something to your child. She wouldn't mentioned dad's GF ate a sandwich would she… so the alcohol means something to her.
You’re stuck in the fallacy of sunk costs, it would be a horrible life for your child(ren) if you stay with your alcoholic husband just to have kid(s) sooner than later. You need to move on, your husband can’t and won’t get sober for you. He has to do it for himself
You’re stuck in the fallacy of sunk costs, it would be a horrible life for your child(ren) if you stay with your alcoholic husband just to have kid(s) sooner than later. You need to move on, your husband can’t and won’t get sober for you. He has to do it for himself
Yeah that definitely isn’t true. He is just letting you know that HE is a cheater. Move on you deserve better.
“Thanks”
That's all. There's no need to justify anything because he will read into that. You don't want him in your life going forward so you have nothing else to say.
Best of luck with cancer. You got this!
Oooooof, OP I have been in (minus the OF detail) your position and it hurts like hell when a trip gets booked that you can't go on, then the pics start popping up of them with other women but you're told you are a paranoid, impoverished, overworked and jealous hater who is “blowing things out of proportion”. Lying by the sin of omission is cruel and manipulative. You have a right to feel hurt and I hope you find the strength to take a permanent vacation from this relationship.
You don't need to stay in an emotional abusive marriage.
What do you mean by giggling and childishness?
you absolutely do not have integrity. no one with integrity would ever treat someone they claim to love in the way you describe you treat your ex.
You have outgrown your man child. Time to leave.
You can also try going to the r/legaladvice they can usually give some insight on what you’ll need to do.
You're supposed to bang her, and then dump her.
Known since they were 7 years old, not for seven years. More like known each other for 14 years.
Lmao to the person who deleted their comment: Yes, I send him tiktok links to videos I think he will enjoy. We've been together for 5 years, if he had an issue with the things I do he would tell me ? and I sure hope he knows he's my boyfriend seeing as we have a whole ass toddler together. You're weird.
Lmao to the person who deleted their comment: Yes, I send him tiktok links to videos I think he will enjoy. We've been together for 5 years, if he had an issue with the things I do he would tell me ? and I sure hope he knows he's my boyfriend seeing as we have a whole ass toddler together. You're weird.
Have some respect for yourself and end it. She cheated on you, and she’s still talking to the guy.
Have some respect for yourself and end it. She cheated on you, and she’s still talking to the guy.
Told her so.
Silly to think that a guy whose future in Europe may be at stake would ever leave a woman he had strongly gaslighted into thinking he was a trustworthy man, off his hook easily.
If you really wanna prove it idk use internet mobile or something and try finding some drugs. Spoiler, you won't be able to. Algorithms, on Reddit especially, work really well so yeah
At this point, he’s gonna do it behind your back.
A few days ago he calls me and tells me that we would now have a guest for 5 of the 7 days. His cousin decided to join after my boyfriend casually invited him.
That is so disrespectful from your boyfriend. This is a “you should reconsider the relationship” kind of decision.
He also said he’s going through a hot time – like that makes it better for me.
Uh oh, cousin is not going to be the third wheel. YOU are going to be the third wheel.
I do not want to have a big fight before leaving and feel awful the whole time.
Why not have a big fight? What your boyfriend did was not okay, you should have a big fight about it.
If things do go sideways how do I not let it get to me and actually enjoy the trip?
If possible, I think you should cancel the trip and let BF and cousin go together. Then you can book a trip where you are not the third wheel.
That must have been what it was for us. Idk if it wss prolonged exposure therapy. Our writing and exposure exercises were a mere 20 minutes long. It wasnt as bad as one would think.. Once you survive it the first few times, it feels empowering.
No vengas aquí OP, México no te necesita, México no necesita a más personas con el complejo de salvador blanco vengan aquí a alimentar sus egos con la desgracia ajena. NO vengan.
Unless you like to be touched or touching your partner at all times like me :/
I only know his facebook, which he has only 19 friends on, and his last photo was posted in 2013. I know where he works, but yeah, that's about it.
So you're telling me that this man has had the same phone for 8+ years?
For me, in my culture, it’s expected for the man to pay for everything. It’s always made things easier for me. I pay for the home, insurance, groceries, utilities, the maids etc. She helps with laundry, cooking and cleaning. I’ve don’t this with girlfriends in the past and now. I don’t even have a conversation about it’s. It’s what’s expected of me and I’m fine with. Makes things simpler.
But for OP, maybe it’s time to have a sit down with her SO and they can decide what is fair and isn’t. If they’re unable to have such a mature basic conversation… then there are bigger issues at hand.
forget about everything else – you are missing the main point in your relationship – “but has not told her he’s in a relationship and has no plan to yet” = BIG RED FLAG.
“He reassures me that he doesn’t love her, but entertains her games” – means nothing as its bullcrap.
whatever gonna happen there, with her will not be her fault as he DID NOT Tell her he has a gf & in a relationship now.
Your bf is playing both fields now – you need to decide what to do now.
Its better to leave & get a better man.
You're pretty hung up on the wrong issues. You don't want to on-line in his disgusting house or with his odd, cantaloupe obsessed mother. You keep pressing him to give you half the ownership of the house and make renovations despite not living there. You also own your own home.
He has said he doesn't want to move and isn't interested in putting you on the deed.
By all measures it sounds like he lives in squalor.
Why are you even interested in him?
Thank you for this extra insight. I guess it’s hot to look at things objectively when you are blinded by love. I admit that if the parts were inverted, I would never want someone to suffer uselessly because of me. I would be fully honest with them and not take them back, give them the chance to heal and thrive again, no matter how painful. You know, in the past I would very easily provide such useful and direct comments as yours and I would wildly wonder why people wouldn’t just follow them, being them clearly the right option, the best thing to do. Most likely the only reasonable choice. But now I understand why reason would not prevail in such cases.
Yeah, it would seem like kind of a normal question — like, hey, you often mention how people hit on you. It doesn't really bother me, but I wonder why you are doing that? Do you think I'll think you're hiding something from me if you don't say anything?
You can be pretty clear & non-confrontational in this conversation. If she shuts down, it may give you a better answer about her motives (ie, she's negging you).
There's a subtle difference between wanting to do something and feeling in the mood for something. Like, I can be in the mood for ice cream but ultimately not want it because I'm on a diet. Or I can want to clean my room, and do so, even though I'm not in the mood for it. He is probably trying to say he wasn't in the mood for sex, but he wanted to do it for you. You presumably didn't force him.
I think OP also showed tremendous self awareness and genuine contrition by sincerely apologizing to Sarah and acknowledging what about her behavior was not ok. A normal person would accept said apology and move on. But Sarah decided to make being mad her identity. It’s certainly a choice!
I assume Sarah has no gag reflex or something for the dad to continually choose her. Because it can’t be her personality.
She didnt make any vows to OPs mom, she can not take as much blame.
You are not an ass for leaving a relationship where you are not valued. What she thinks is not your responsibility or your worry. You deserve to be valued and loved, not just to give love endlessly.
You deserve to leave.
I’ll be mad…
Wow OP you have sent so many mixed messages 1. I do trust him 2. I don’t trust her 3. I’m not worried about anything actually happening 4. But it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt if something does happen 5. I’m not worried about him cheating 6. Whether he puts a stop to it or not It’s not nice to hear about about her trying to have sex with my boyfriend.
First you clearly don’t trust him “it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt if something happens”
Second your boyfriend should be 100% capable of shutting this girl down so hot that she can neither talk to him or talk about you
Third if you felt secure in your relationship you would give zero f**ks about what she says about you. It’s not like anything she says is going to change his opinion of you. If he really loves you his feelings aren’t flexible or fragile.
I would pull your self-confidence together and let him go. If you’re together, long-term, this will not be the only test for loyalty, he faces.
Also ultimatums are terrible for relationships, and they never work long-term.
Wow OP you have sent so many mixed messages 1. I do trust him 2. I don’t trust her 3. I’m not worried about anything actually happening 4. But it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt if something does happen 5. I’m not worried about him cheating 6. Whether he puts a stop to it or not It’s not nice to hear about about her trying to have sex with my boyfriend.
First you clearly don’t trust him “it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt if something happens”
Second your boyfriend should be 100% capable of shutting this girl down so hot that she can neither talk to him or talk about you
Third if you felt secure in your relationship you would give zero f**ks about what she says about you. It’s not like anything she says is going to change his opinion of you. If he really loves you his feelings aren’t flexible or fragile.
I would pull your self-confidence together and let him go. If you’re together, long-term, this will not be the only test for loyalty, he faces.
Also ultimatums are terrible for relationships, and they never work long-term.
The advice I was given when I was young was, “Never lend what you aren’t willing to just give someone.”
That way you aren’t in a jam if they don’t pay it back on time, and you’re just pleasantly surprised if they do.
The advice I was given when I was young was, “Never lend what you aren’t willing to just give someone.”
That way you aren’t in a jam if they don’t pay it back on time, and you’re just pleasantly surprised if they do.
Thanks for your reply!
Does he have any autoimmune diseases? They can cause hives.
She is an adult and ultimately responsible for herself. You can’t be held hostage in a relationship because the other person might struggle. It may end up being the best thing for her.
He used you.
To him you are just the next step above jerking off on porn hub.
You're disposable to him.
In five years he wont be able to remember your name.
Nope. I’m going with dehumanized. You aren’t a product. You are a person. That’s messed up.
You're lucky that it was sexting and not actually meeting and having intercourse with another guy.
There is a chance to repair this but you'll need to give it your best effort and show him you're serious and are loyal to him.
I know and I agree but that's not what I was addressing.
I could never do that, It would be too emasculating.
Decide that she lied.
And block her everywhere. Not “fur sure”. Do. Yesterday.
She is toxic and wants to hurt you. So she made up this lie.
Basta! E finita la musica for that nastiness.
It doesn’t matter if OPs family apologizes. OP is the one that let her family steamroll her boyfriend. She’s the reason he broke up with her.
If she had stepped up immediately and told her family to back up, I’m sure boyfriend would have a very different reaction. No one can choose their family but they have their own autonomy and OP is too under her families thumb.
I'm sorry, but if you go on Reddit looking for advice (especially, in this case, when the looker for advice is in their THIRTIES), and allow yourself to be swayed by internet strangers, that's on the rhetorical you. I can't tell if you're so fragile that strangers' opinions alone will cause you to make a massive life choice, and since the majority of people seem to understand that Reddit is…you know, REDDIT, I'm not going to lowest-common-denominator myself because some folks are more impressionable than silly putty.
Yes, there are some folks who will walk off cliffs if someone tells them to. No, you don't have to act as if that's everyone.
Thank you for your kind words, I really needed to hear that. I am constantly feeling like I am a bad person because I have to be the authoritative figure. I am definitely going to tell the friend to leave today I feel it’s just getting out of hand at this point.
We share different fathers. I am the executor and as I was my fathers only child I and my step mother inherited money and property which we shared between us and my grandmother who unfortunately passed on 3 months after my fathers death due to how heartbroken she was, so everything she inherited from the estate went to extended family members.
My mother left mostly everything to me and left me to financially provide for both brothers. He moved back in because of the death of his father so we were raised very separately and I feel we have different values. Before our mom passed she asked him what he wanted to do and I fulfilled it after she passed and have tried constantly to be there for him but to no avail. I actually even found out about him a few months before my mothers passing.
I feel like I had to step into a mother role and I haven’t had the privilege of being a reckless kid and all I ask is for him to just cut me some slack with all the shenanigans as I have to care for the younger one. It’s really taking a toll on me and I just cannot deal with this anymore. He’s also harsh and dismissive. It throws me off and we just clash constantly. I fear there’s no resolution other than me just providing financially from a distance and just letting do whatever he wants with his life even if it’s reckless.
My man do not shit where you eat. Workplace relationships (especially ones involving just sex) are generally not a great idea
Oh lol he didn't necessarily ghost me on my bday, he actually wanted to see me that day! But I turned him down because it was super late and I had already gotten ready for bed. I wanted to see him yesterday! But he wasn't responding to my texts but read them so I'm guessing he's being petty?
OP needs an abortion yesterday. I can’t feel bad for her when she brought children into a situation with an abuser and continues to allow them to be victimized. She’s a terrible mother.
Well, you're both young. Sometimes immaturity is due to being young and inexperienced, not knowing how to cope or handle hurt feelings. Other times the behavior is more intentional manipulation.
You could tell her you understand she's hurt. But this is no way to handle hurt feelings in a relationship, and you wont accept being treated like that. If she wants to talk about it, she can call you. Otherwise you consider the relationship over.
You said nothing wrong.
She's insecure and got hurt. Being hurt over trivial things can happen to anyone, but it's not ok to go over the rails like that without even talking to you. And she needs to learn that's not how you resolve hurt feelings.
Duuuuuude…. Really ? Lying to your face and you being ok?
My thoughts exactly, gender swap and you would immediately see the problem. She’s playing out textbook behaviors at an alarming speed. In only a couple months already moved in, took the car and is now working on complete isolation.
You were very clear that you didn’t want to have sex and he ignored that – he clearly violated your boundaries. I notice you say ‘he kept trying to slip it in’, which implies your body language on more than one occasion told him you didn’t want to do that before you more explicitly pushed back because he ignored those more subtle signs and penetrated you anyways.
You’re not dumb, and it’s not ‘obvious’ being hot will lead to sex – especially when the nature of your relationship has been taking it slowly, and you’ve explicitly stated you’re not ready for sex. And freezing up is a very common reaction to this – it’s called fawning, and it’s a recognised natural part of the ‘fight or flight’ instinct we have when we feel threatened. Some fight, some flee, some freeze (or fawn) and all are valid survival mechanisms.
I’m not going to tell you what labels are and aren’t valid here. I will tell you that the way you feel is valid, and that includes feeling violated. I talk to people in your situation every day so please believe me when I say you’re not stupid and you did nothing wrong.
Now THAT is some unhinged Reddit. Ooof thank you for that Opposite_lettuce, that was a lovely lil research project there. Half of me is amused and half of me is genuinely concerned that this is the mental health of someone without adequate treatment and oversight
Sounds like you tried buying your way out of your marital issues …you said it yourself you let your pride get in the way of admitting what you were actually doing. Your bitter at the outcome.
You chose your pride over your relationship. I would suggest working on yourself through therapy so your a better person in your next relationship
What perspective? He said he wanted to have more kids with you?
OP I'm going to give you tough love but bro your so desperate your willing to accept a liar who will keep lying to you if she was truly remorseful she would've told you the truth from the beginning look there are plenty of women out there who will be honest and don't have close male friends if thats your standard keep that standard don't let loneliness cause you to keep with a liar who've you only been with four months i guarantee she's not changing just getting better at not getting caught.
Totally agree…..why be in a relationship? I’ve never understood it. How could you sleep knowing your partner is sleeping with whoever. As a guy, I’ll say it….the ppl that I’ve known with open relationships it’s always the guy that wants it first. It’s creepy af if you ask me. The guys are normally cool with it until his wife/gf gets an identity of their own and then they want to shut it down. How can anyone do that to a partner.
Noticed this one in confession, top post was about shoplifting and then boom 100x shoplifting ones.
Suggest you check that with a lawyer in your state. I can’t think of one state that follows that
Your body your choice.