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  1. don't want to end up like her a grumpy old cow who did nothing with her life.

    Does this say something about your attitude and tone when you're around her?

  2. You gave sex to those other guys for free, while your best male friend is single.

    How is this difficult to understand?

  3. Move out now. Being around him while he's drinking and picking fights with you is worse for her than having Christmas in a new location. The sooner she has stability, the better off she'll be.

  4. She is playing silly buggers trying to get you jealous. She was right. She can sleep with whom ever she pleases. You are not together so it is of no concern of yours. Had you adopted this position from the beginning, you would have spared yourself this “drama” but it is not too late. Just tell her you have given it some thought and have come to the conclusion that she is right. She can give her ass to anybody she pleases just as long as she does not bother you with it. I guarantee she will pout but I doubt that it will leave you traumatized with remorse 😉

  5. Well, thats why I encourage you to check them out. There is a lot of shit

    that is put out by conspiracy theorists and orthodox religious groups that

    work to make a case for “secret societies”. Not a very long time ago

    I got curious myself and there really isn't anything there. I suppose this

    or that group might have special Bond and that can happen with

    any group of individuals. The Freemasons as an activity is pretty much

    about supporting their childrens' hospital and thats about it. FWIW.

  6. u/sky2618, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  7. When you do things for him, does he express appreciation for it, or just accept it as normal or he’s entitled to it or he doesn’t seem to notice it at all?

  8. This is gonna sound harsh but I don't mean it that way, it's more of a rhetorical moral question for you to answer yourself.

    This man tried to rape you after you already stated, no. He was unable to follow through thanks to your own self respect and boundaries. If he had been successful in sexually assaulting you, would you still go back to him?

  9. Let’s be real. Most guys that are this guys age, getting with 19 year olds… there’s a level of immaturity necessary to allow yourself to do that. Sure it’s legal. Doesn’t mean it’s right. I’m 29. I couldn’t even imagine myself pursuing someone that young. But you do you. You’re an adult as well now and can make your choices, but guys like him tend to always be like him. Just look at Leo, he’s never had a girlfriend older than 25

  10. As someone who's in recovery from BPD, there's no way he can be in a healthy relationship until he's done all the work. This is your life for years to come if you stay. Can you handle this for your whole life?

  11. u/advent_ad322, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  12. Just be yourself. Continue to be nice and work on your casual talk, but don't feel like you need to fake something in front of your so's family. Either they appreciate you as you gradually open up or they don't, it's not in your control.

    Plus, people that phrase it as “you're too quiet” are not usually genuinely interested in getting to know you. It's more about trying to insult the person that's not exactly the same as them. If they really wanted to encourage you to be more open, they would just make an effort to include you in the conversation and ask you specific questions. Your so's mother doesn't have the best social skills herself, so don't worry about having to impress her. It was rude for her to compare you to another girl in front of your face.

  13. Girl, break up. You guys are extremely incompatible. You need sex, which is more than okay and he is waiting for sex, also more than okay. This relationship won’t end well for either party.

  14. If the messages are coming during work hours you could Report her to HR. Otherwise just block her and avoid her husband.

  15. u/Different_Dirt3050, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  16. My husband and I did this when our children were infants. I missed him but I am one cranky mama when I’m sleep deprived. It was only for a few months. We transitioned our babies to another room when they stopped breastfeeding so often.

  17. Also you’re all saying I’m using to figure out my feelings and that’s wrong and I agree, but she’s doing the exact same thing with by using me and try to resolve her past trauma

    She's not. She's trying to date you and deepen your relationship while you're being a fucking coward. She opens up about her trauma to you in a 6 month relationship and you say she's using you?? What the fuck?!

    You don't love her, you're not even interested in her, but you're dragging her along and acting like it's her fault because “she's clingy” and “too into you”?? Fucking hell, BREAK UP. LET HER GO!

  18. She was in a lesbian relationship before getting together with OP. It's not unspoken, and she's not exploring. OP knew she was in a lesbian relationship. He mentions it in the OP.

  19. It’s unbelievable hoe many times this question is posted. Yes tell her! Simply because it is the right thing to do. What she does with the information is up to her you’ve done your part.

  20. You seem to be taking this really personally and want to start a fight, strange. No one is saying neurotypical people don’t also commit crimes. There’s also a genetic link in autism so it’s not so out there that some of his behaviours might be impacted by him being on the spectrum. Op has cited communication issues between them, meltdowns, tantrums.

    Autistic people are overrepresented in the cjs. I’m doing a masters in forensic mental health. There are various reasons for this, such as being more likely to confess to crimes, and also more visible etc. I also never said that autistic people aren’t victims of crimes too, however, that doesn’t negate that their impairment can result in criminal behaviour.

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  23. Well your idea is strage indeed. If we compare your relationship to addiction than respect reduction obviously does not work. Therefore cutting contact completely might be bettet. Not necessarily forever, I understand you still want to be friends in the future. Make it at least half a year of no contact, maybe with mutual blocking of each other on socials.

  24. Honestly, you’re not that far into this relationship. I would have a conversation with her about how this makes you feel. Based on her response go from there. Best of luck to you!

  25. Hello /u/mega-pyro,

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  26. I agree. It’s so easy to do. It takes literal max 2 mins to send a quick text. It’s the worst feeling for a partner to feel unloved like this. Combined with big events like new years, it’s like emotions are 2x higher

  27. You're doing nothing to protect your dog….wtf you mean Over see. If you keep the guy then give Paco to someone better than yourself.

  28. A friend of mine had an accident with the family dog and her two year old toddler. Bit her face and required 27 stitches. She’s in first grade now and the prettiest little thing but that dog was taken care of immediately. Now that I have my own children, I have zero interest j having a dog. OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are valid.

  29. Hello /u/Beneficial-Snow-9409,

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  30. Aaron and Camille are together, boyfriend and girlfriend, but Aaron is gay?

    Even I'm confused right now.

    As for advice, follow your gut feeling. I personally also dont find it too respectfully of the two of you to continue to flirt with Camille while you make it sound like you dont know the status of camille's and Aaron's relationship, but yet you talk about “doing the morally right thing”.

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  32. Hello /u/AnthyAir,

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  33. It's a testament to your wife and only your wife that your marriage is going so well. Why would you want to fuck it up but going against her conditions for forgiving you?

  34. Technically it gets worse.

    It's more than half the population.

    Women Queer folks (LGBTQ+) Drag queens and such Children and young teens

    I think that's the main general groups of people who would openly worry about attack/murder/assault/robbery/abduction at night, especially in dodgy areas.

    So OPs partner is very much a worthless puddle of vomit, who lacks any and all empathy.

    Or worse. Gets off on putting her through these scary situations and enjoys degrading her while simultaneously manipulating her, and generally is a bit of an abusive narcissist masochist.

    Or he has a weird hero complex and is looking for a scrap to “protect his girl” but I doubt that as he doesn't want to offer any comfort either.

    This guy doesn't understand anything about what is means to exist as a woman or any of those other groups of people I mentioned.

    I really enjoy late night walks. I love seeing stars in out the way places, I like city lights in build up areas. Both can be unsafe – as such I only do so with company that, yes is masculine, strong and much bigger than me.

    I am aware that that would not put off all would-be attackers. So I don't go on late night walks much. Even if I HAD to go somewhere late at night, and somewhere familiar to me, I am alert.

    Is OPs bf alert? Why all the late night walks? If it's something he enjoys, he doesn't have to force it on anyone else. Or is he generally just an aware person who never watches the news.

    Tl;Dr – OP dump your mess of a partner, whichever potential type of partner he is (I dropped in three examples above) at best you're better off with a literal puddle of vomit, all the best, and I hope you find someone who respects you and understands crime statistics and doesn't go out if his way to drag you into potentially dangerous situations.

  35. Hello /u/throwingaway_2564,

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  36. Has he tried a sleep study to determine if he needs a CPAP? Even if it's not sleep apnea you can still use a CPAP.

  37. Get tested. Get rent. Do not have anymore sex, do not pass go, but DO collect the dollars. Sex will complicate the next step: dumping. Do not put it in social media, you don't need the negative energy fallback and I guarantee it will not make you feel better. Just try and breathe, do one thing at a time. This is a long term relationship so give all of this some space so you can think logically I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you'll be ok?. Also lol she cheated with a piece of shit and they deserve each other.

  38. Oof. I’m sorry I couldn’t get past two parts of this post, first, a 24 yo dating an 18 yo they have known for longer than that. Just sounds like grooming and biding their time.

    But then add to that “I know he has a thing for Asian girls.”

    OP, you’re 18 so you are probably not looking to be told to do something you don’t want to do, especially where your request is actually for your cousin. But please consider this advice.

    Take a break from this relationship with this boy. If it’s meant to be, he will still want to date in a few years. Observe and reflect on him too. Has he had previous relationships? We’re they all the significantly younger girls (more than 3~4 year age difference or consistently at or under 18)? We’re they almost exclusively Asian?

    If any of these show a pattern, that’s a huge red flag. The first that he is only into young girls. Which is ick, but also a sign you could be being groomed, and also a sign he doesn’t really like you he just likes young girls. The second is you’re his Asian fetish. It’s not about you as a person just your features. Do you really want to be with someone else who is with you for those reasons?

    I say this with good intention. At 18 you are still emotionally learning and growing. A 24 year old is too (especially if they’re as stunted as I suspect he is), which is actually worse for you bc that’s a harder situation for you to learn in. And there is an inherent power dynamic that goes against you, and can really be a problem.

    Keep an eye on this subreddit. Notice how many problems correlate to couples with large age differences, particularly with younger girls.

    Please consider setting this relationship aside for a few years, and if you want to date do so with someone closer to your age.

  39. You fucking idiot get the fuck out of there right now before she kills you. Pull your head out of your ass and get your ego in check. Bitch pulled a knife on you, if she flips once too naked that knife will end up in your neck regardless of how much Karate you do.

    RUN.

  40. Don't ever take a drunk persons word as fact. Plus, it's only been a year, slow your roll. He'll propose when HE is ready, not when you want him too.

  41. You’ll need to ask her for clarification.

    Perhaps she really likes you and wants an actual date but didn’t want to appear too pushy so is wanting to call it a “friend date” so as to not scare you away and reduce the chance of rejection. Perhaps she doesn’t like you like that but wants to help you get the ball rolling by giving you a good first experience. Perhaps she likes you and wants a relationship just not a romantic one…You just won’t know until you talk with her.

    My advice is if you like this girl and want to see yourself in a relationship with her someday then take her up on her offer and go out on a “friend date” with her and use the opportunity to get to know her a bit better and determine what her intentions are.

    All good relationships, romantic or otherwise, are built on good communication. Communicate your wants/needs out of a relationship with her and ask her what hers are.

  42. He has decided what you will do, and when.

    You have an exit ramp to your right.

    Up to you to choose it.

    Be safe.

  43. Then why did you reply? What are you looking for? Honest and open communication? I'm not ready for that kind of intimacy with a stranger. What if your feelings get hurt?

  44. Your gf has so many red flags. My guy, this isn’t something you can fix, she’s got some really bad toxic behaviors, that only therapy and years of it could fix. One, the fact that things go badly when you bring up concerns, that’s defensiveness. Google defensiveness in relationships to understand how that messes shit up. Solutions for it are learning better conflict resolution skills, validation skills, and emotional support skills (all of which can be googled and sounds like you have and she doesn’t).

    Two, when you don’t like one thing she does, she doesn’t self sabotage, she manipulates you with threats. Don’t have sex once when she wants it? Well then she won’t ever ask for it again. Dude, that’s a threat. She saying give me sex when I want it or else I’ll never ask or show interest again. Dude, fuck that. She needs to learn that she’s not always going to get her way and she needs to stop trying to threaten you into doing what she wants but ask and negotiate for it. Here again learning conflict resolution skills would be useful for her.

    And three, another issue is, when she wants something, even before you say no, rather than ask and negotiate for it, she criticizes you. And it works, every time she criticizes you that you’re not doing enough you sacrifice more and do what she wants. Problem is doing it her way builds resentment or depression in a partner and will kill the relationship and often becomes abusive, if it’s not already. What might help here is again her learning conflict resolution skills, specifically how to turn complaints into requests (which also can be googled) and also familiarize herself with the magic relationship ratio (also easy to google) which you seem to already understand.

    And you, not to get down on you, but you sound like a people pleaser, doing what ever it takes to keep the other person happy, regardless of it’s impact to you. And as much as it works at times, it makes you an easy target to manipulate and be taken advantage of. For you, you need to recognize that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s, and anyone who treats you other wise like your gf, isn’t someone you want in your life. You need to assert you needs are of equal importance and if she can’t respect that, then walk. Or else you’re just allowing someone to use, manipulate and abuse you.

  45. I dont think the issue is with porn but rather with the fact that he seems to believe that he can pleasure himself to literally any other girl except his girlfriend, why is he even with you? I feel like he wants you to act like you were part of one of his porns to get him “satisfied”.

    Porn is a very very sensitive topic for many people, although I personally would not mind if my bf watched it I would get VERY ANGRY if he told me “if its just a thought is not cheating”, the fact that he needed to say that is what irks me. Your opinion on it should be respected, moreover when he doesnt even try to hide from you the fact that he would touch himself to literally anyone else without feeling guilty not even a tiny little bit.

  46. Not really. OP said in a lot of comments that he wouldn't have started dating her if he knew it wasn't just 7 people.

  47. Some of this is differences in love languages, not everyone shares love through gifts..

    But the money and driving issues are a different category of engagement in the relationship… I don't have a great answer, she clearly expects you to do the work to be together, which is unfair.. but it sounds like she has no interest in changing things, so it's on you to decide if it is a deal breaker.

  48. No, it’s not you. It happens to every single guy, at least once in his life. It could be literally anything. It’s likely just performance anxiety, especially since it was his first time since his divorce. That’s not an excuse he’s giving you, it’s genuinely true. He could just be watching too much porn. Could even be whiskey dick, or a combination of all of the above.

    What’s important is that you don’t make a big deal of it. Just brush it off like everything’s normal, and get back to foreplay. The bigger of a deal you make out of it, the more likely it’s gonna happen.

  49. Insane precedents that the UK has, check my other comment for the example I used.

    There's also the example of the PENSIONER who got found guilty of assault for using his walking stick to attack someone who broke into his bungalow in Cornwall

  50. No. Plan B is not an abortion pill. It's like a super concentrated BC pill that prevents or delays ovulation. It has a weight limit. I think it's 165lbs and it loses effectiveness. It's completely ineffective at 175lbs.

  51. I think kindness would be not destroying your family because of a religious belief that your god actively wanted you to suffer through a rape, get impregnated by the rapist, and carry that baby to term. But that's just me. I'm pro choice, she can do what she thinks is right, but if the situation is a deal breaker for OP he needs to tell her asap so she can make an informed decision.

  52. I would tell him to go fuck himself, and not communicate with him anymore. he sounds like a dick.

    don’t start fights, just don’t talk to him

  53. Bruh shut up with your misogynistic feminism bullshit. ?‍♂️ you think he’s being controlling ?

  54. If you argue, that attraktiveness is tied to fertility and finding a good vessel to carry children, it absolutely matters, if the vessel survives child birth to nurse the child.

    Also, I absolutely cannot understand how anyone older than 30 can look at a teenager and find that attractive to the point of actively seeking porn about it, let alone pursuing them in real life. The idea makes me shudder.

  55. I'm closer to yours than his but my response would be 'Now it's your turn, lard arse!'.

    I don't care whether he's doing it to abuse you or because being with someone you weighs little gives him an ego boost. It's just rude!

  56. Thanks for the input. It’s good to be reassured that I don’t owe him. After this whole blackmailing thing, I do plan on just distancing myself from him entirely until maybe somebody he gets his act together.

  57. The childish part isn't you not wanting to meet him. But why did you set the boundary at meet only in a group setting?

    You clearly are uncomfortable with their friendship, so you need to re-evaluate the boundary you set. This friendship won't work with you actively trying to avoid him.

    So tell her that you'll be more comfortable if she doesn't remain close friends with people she has had sex with. They both need to move on.

    Credit to him though, I feel he is trying to give you the most respect he can considering the boundary you set. So all in all he does sound like a decent person.

  58. But you don't know that. You're assuming A LOT. the only time I'd say ANYTHING is if he now starts coming onto you after they've gone out and she seems serious about him.

    Honestly, you sound annoyed that he'd dare go after anyone else as though that's unthinkable. He knows you don't like him back. He's allowed to move to the next interest, especially one that is interested back. Stay out of it and focus on yourself.

  59. Thank you, I will honestly take all the answers/help I can to get a better perspective of myself and him even with varying answers! It’s just been so long since I’ve seriously dated and I just feel a little lost/rusty! ?

  60. You don't know this is the reason. There are many reasons why a man might not want to go down on a woman. It might not be his thing. It could be related to your “bush” or hygiene. Maybe he wants you to request it. It could be anything.

    I highly doubt his reason has anything to do with how your inner thighs look.

    Talk to him. This is obviously bothering you.

  61. I agree. It just hurts a bit that someone would do that when I was so very transparent with him.

    The fist guy that I liked for the 2 years that I’ve been single now. Life..

  62. No I didn’t. I dated her for 2 months till she dumped me ?

    so the person you reference on hinge is the party girl from the OP.,,ok then..maybe learn your lesson this next time

    Actually, I find it really naked to make friends.

    sounds like all you have to do is offer them some coke and they will hang out..Then mysteriously when you dont have the party goods, they dont want to hang out? very confusing on why….anyways, maybe make some friends that are into other things than just partying. I assure you they exist

  63. I don't know what you should do but here are my observations, based solely on what you've put here.

    It looks to me as though your “BF” is dating his ex and keeping you on a string in case things don't work out with the ex.

    Also, that you call it a “situationship” after 18 months of dating tells me a lot, too. That you let it go on this long w/o asking for more, and getting it as he's been in this, too, I'd say the level of commitment on his part has been “wait and see” while you've probably been holding out hope it would progress.

    I wouldn't even confront him. I wouldn't say a word. I'd just let it go and move on, wiser for the experience, and smarter for having lived through it. And you WILL live! through it. he couldn't care less he's hurting you. If he did, he never would have kept you hanging on the side as a “potential” he would have been honest with you from the start.

    Rule #1 to carry with you in the future; Don't settle down with one man if there's no actual commitment by the sixth month, or so. Keep dating, no matter what they say.

    #2: Keep an eye out for red flags. Remember, it doesn't matter how much you love them, nor does it matter how much they say they love you. If there's no total commitment from them, keep looking.

    #3: Stop trolling her account. It's only going to lead to more heartbreak. Block him. Block her. Block them everywhere.

    Finally, if he sends you anymore gifts, just send them back with no explanation. Let him know what it feels like to wonder. And, yes, this sounds like you're playing a game, but what it's actually doing is allowing you to continue to heal from this and move on.

    The point being, no engagement at all. No reopening of old wounds. This allows the wound to continue to heal. Think of this in terms of a real wound. The more you open it, the longer it takes to heal. The best wound care (usually, not always) is to keep salve on it and cover it with a bandage. If he calls, either don't answer or simply say, if you do answer, “I'm sorry, but I've moved on and don't wish to discuss this further. I wish you well in life and goodbye.” And mean it.

    What you're now doing is taking back the power you so readily handed him long ago. You're taking control of your life and I've learned, as I've lived my life, the best revenge is living well.

  64. Give her space. She asked for it, didn't she? You are gaslighting her, saying that she is overreacting. You do not get to define what she is feeling.

    You wanted to go on the trip. Go explore. When you do communicate with your GF, be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Don't blurt out verbal vomit.

    Will she be contacting you? Stay upbeat and share your new experiences that she would find interesting. Do encourage her to go out and explore events and places while you are away. Maybe she can show them to you when you return.

  65. Block him, let his problems be his problems.

    It's a waste of time and energy trying to figure out his motivations, focus on actions and it all gets clearer.

    He treated you like trash, he got dumped, he now won't leave you alone.

    Just block him.

  66. Hello /u/ThrowRA33998, we've seen an influx of posts related to specific influencers and have made a decision to remove them.

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  67. So he regularly tries to make you feel guilty for something you can't change (your age/inexperience) and freaks out any time you bring up an unmet need?

    I know that you don't want to hear this, but he's not engaging in good faith. He's trying to get you to stop feeling like you have the right to have/articulate needs of your own, like you are just lucky he deigns to date you. He's a creep who has targetted you because of how much younger you are, and he's only going to get more controlling. I'm 32, and the thought of dating 21 year old is gross. Emotionally healthy well intentioned 30 somethings don't want to date 21 year olds. They certainly don't punish them with the silent treatment and threats of the relationship ending for trying to talk about unmet needs. You deserve a relationship with an equal partner who respects you and where you are in life.

  68. When were the pictures downloaded?

    Recently downloaded pics might be a lot different than pics downloaded 6 years ago.

  69. I have a bachelor's in pre music therapy (University of Minnesota). So I can't actually be a practicing therapist until I get my masters. There are a couple private colleges in Wisconsin with this degree but I do not have the money for those schools. Plus I ran into issues trying to transfer credits from a public college to a private college before. I started my masters degree before my fiance came into my life. I moved home when COVID hit and we got kicked out of our campus housing. I was in the process of moving back to the twin cities when I met him. He always said I'll be able to finish my degree when he's done and that we would move closer so I could go back to school. I guess a big issue I have too is that he stopped looking for jobs. He found this one and decided to only apply to this one. I looked around and pointed out jobs for him to look at and he was not interested.

  70. Oh thank god, I was starting to feel like I was the crazy person

    Yeah, this is not the therapy self-help side. This is the magic crystal reality-bender side.

  71. Yeah there’s a couple of steps here that led to the dinner and at no point did he “think” to tell you until after the fact. Hilarious how he packed the explanation all so neatly and gave his own forgiveness by saying he learned the lesson at :checks notes: 27 yrs old.

    I would be asking how recent is the ex, what was the breakup about, when did communication start, do they follow each other on socials and why did they feel the need to meet for dinner.

    I know it seems like a lot of questions and details but he did this to himself by not being honest with you from the get go. If she initiated the breakup, are you the place holder until she’s single again and he can have another chance?

  72. Hi I'm a first grade teacher and I laughed because I tell them all the time– even if you didn't mean to hurt the other person, you still say sorry. Of course, for them it's truly unintentional. They step on each other's fingers etc.

    I also had an ex JUST LIKE THIS. He'd tell me about a host of people who cut him out of their lives, making me feel sorry for him… and then criticize everything about me. My lifestyle, my interests, my major, my friends and family. Anything he wasn't better at than me, he'd make me feel sorry for him about (I could swim, he couldn't, but that's cuz his parents didn't care about him.)

    I won an award. He said congratulations and then launched into a spiel about how awards are stupid and political and mean nothing in terms of achievement. I was so disheartened I didn't go pick to the award ceremony.

    By the time I finally cut him out of my life, I was miserable and resentful. For the next two years I was just celebrating how I no longer felt miserable from the get- go everyday. It was joyous.

  73. Sounds like an “office wife” situation, but he doesn't have plans for it to affect his life outside of the office.

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