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Date: December 17, 2022
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I doubt it was fake because it was quite expensive. I really hope the gift is accompanied by a date or even some chocolate or snacks . It's not Christmas yet so I'll hope for the best.
Tell your wife you're making personal progress that will ultimately help your marriage. Continue your individual counseling until your therapist agrees it should move to joint counseling Your anger and resentment at your wife seem to be misdirected anger at yourself. That has to be dealt with first.
The way he was talking to her IS cheating in my opinion but the question is
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She cheated 2 months after your wedding.
I don't think I've had an interaction with them sober in years now, it's always punctuated with smoking.
Everyone saying its a “lifestyle” is dead wrong. Pot is not a lifestyle in the same way Alchohol is not. If OP was only interacting with them drunk all the time, people would be alot more alarmed.
You can tell them you want to stop hanging out with them cause they are always high and dont want to do anything, nothing wrong with that. On the flipside though they dont have to change their habits either.
Also IMO sounds like they have a weed addiction but whatevs.
I said in other replies that the problem is that a lot of men put me in a position as if they are the ones breaking up with me because I’m deeply in love with them and will get hurt. Thankfully I had some good breakups, and is just a conversation stating that they don’t want anything more (and that’s a perfect way of breaking up flings)
Well that is strange. She claims you gaslight yet you go to a therapist and she “can't” and wont go to yours. Maybe she is the one gaslighting YOU.
Be careful there bud.
It's a normal thing to do. Tell her she's being ridiculous
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You need to runnnn
OP has serious mental illness as you can see by the crazy writing. Do not engage.
Then definitely don’t feed the crush or make her seem like there’s a chance. Keep lines firm and she won’t get the wrong idea. You might never cross that line but no matter how kind she is to you, she might be willing to cross the line.
Don't stand in his way …. Eskimo Brother ……
She wants to cheat with your permission. You do have a choice: divorce.
nah
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No. NO NO NO NO. Stay away from the old men. Or even the older men. He is saying what he wants you to hear so he can ensnare you. Do you want to be 40 and dealing with someone who is almost 70? What about 50 and he's almost EIGHTY FUCKING YEARS OLD. Do NOT pursue this.
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It sounds like he has made his decision. Even though he is old enough to make his own decisions independently from his parents, he still chose to go with his parents. I am assuming he knew all along throughout the relationship that this was the plan, because he doesn’t seem very conflicted. You literally just left and he is on his way to meet this girl. If you look at the stages of grief, I would be in the angry stage right about now. Eventually you will move into acceptance but I would distract myself as much as possible by surrounding yourself with good family and friends. Start a new hobby. Go out for a walk. Drink a cup of coffee. Get out of the house even if you have to force yourself.
He doesn't want a relationship with you, only to have fun and get laid.
I mean with your update you have your answer. He says at least five years. That means maybe in five years. You need to figure out if a marriage certificate is a deal breaker or not for you. If not marriage, what would it take for you to feel like he is committed to a lifetime with you?
Tell him she needs to be unhappy. She needs to learn consequences and this is a great way to do so.
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Bro fcvk the facts on whether she was piped down or not.
She lied to you for no reason. To be with another guy. At his house.
I don't care if she was just making him a meal bc his hands were amputated. Emotional cheating is still cheating. She made the decision to prioritize being with him over being honest with you.
Go get yourself treated and get away from that toxicity.
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His parents don't want to talk about it I think because they think once they're gone your bF and his brother will feel too guilty to not take care of him. I'm often irresponsible but FFS this is their child and they're just completely letting his well-being fly. They sound like awful parents even notwithstanding the cinema thing.
I think you and your BF need to be sure you're on the same page on this.
He's making choices to show how little your boundaries mean to him. Your relationship status doesn't change the fact that he is molesting you. It won't get better in the future and he is just doing it to control you. Don't blame yourself he knows what he's doing. You deserve respect which to me is an important part of love. I would really encourage you to leave this relationship. It's so evil to hurt the person you should love the most and I'm angry for you. If you on-line together take all your things when he's gone and find a temporary place to stay for the time being. Sending you a virtual hug! ?
Talk to a therapist. You should be celebrating this not trying to fix this. If your grandma can't put a lid on her homophobic comments, it's high time you all went no contact with her.
Don't tolerate her abuse for access to an apartment.
Dump him.
What would she do if she was single? She’s taking advantage of someone she supposedly “loves”. Life doesn’t stop because you have mental health issues.
but this ends in an argument in which the two sides are: me saying “im expressing a boundary so if you cared about how I felt maybe we could change something here”, and him saying “we're adults, neither of us should control the other and you need to be okay with anything I do and give me full trust until I give you reason NOT to, which I'll never do”
The problem here is that you aren't setting a boundary and properly explaining it to him. You're talking about preferences and not being firm about it.
Boundaries are rules you put on yourself, not rules you put on others. Your boundary here should be something like _you won't tolerate him being flirty or hanging out with flings or exes one on one.
I think your first and second examples are something you can set a reasonable boundary against. The third not so much.
Visiting him lets the world know that you still see him as a person who means something to you and deserves a social visit. It shows your tacit approval of his actions. Is that really what you want?
You should ask her.
If she says no.
Respect her wishes and move the Hell on.
She probably wants to get married at some point so she’s probably going to leave you
You’re right, I definitely see where you’re coming from and recognize he was not in a traditional marriage at the time.
I just wonder how honest he’s being with you? The holidays with her family, the sharing of rooms, the peck under the mistletoe, etc. It certainly seems possible he’s playing both sides. The last thing I’d want is for him to be stringing you along. Listen to your gut on this one.
I see this advice given and it makes sense, though for me I can’t imagine “just knowing” with anyone. I don’t think I’m wired that way.
Just break off the engagement
Next time you want an older guy pick someone that is actually mature and has the ability to communicate instead of being passive aggressive and emotionally stunted.
He is playing both you and the ex.
This guy claims he is playing mind games with the ex. Why is he even bothering with her if she is the ex? If he focused half the time he spent with her, your relationship would prosper tremendously. That is, of course, if you believe what he is saying and I think neither of us do believe him.
He is getting the best of both worlds. He is having sex with both of you while trying to convince both that “you are the one”. He does this by building a ring showing his love. He probably is promising her the same thing. The ring doesn't mean crap for two reasons. One is he never proposed, so it's just a piece of jewelry with no meaning. Two, you have only been with him 7 months and the false marriage stuff is to make you feel secure with him.
He is trying to control you and isolate you. Making you delete your social media and contacts so there is no way his two women can find out or contact each other. This is all just typical cheater manipulation.
Dump him. He doesn't plan on marrying you. He is lying about the ex, you might even be his side piece and he will stay with her because he has his claws sank deeper in her at this point. She reached out to you because she is getting played also and she realizes it unlike you so far.
Never said the person getting cheated on is an asshole.
Right, I said it comes off as victim blaming. Not that you directly said it, but that it seemed implied by your statement.
Imagine someone keeps accusing you of cheating when you aren't, and doesn't believe you when you say you didn't? That would get tiring, and would probably end in a break up
I agree with that, but that's not really the scenario we have here. A single paternity test is not a repeated accusation.
If you're projecting your insecurities from past relationships, or stories/stats you've heard about cheating onto someone that hasn't done you wrong, you don't need to be in a relationship.. you need therapy to work on your insecurities.
Seems a bit extreme if you ask me. Also again comes off a bit as victim blaming. A guy gets a new job and his behavior changes. He's first gushing about his new coworkers then begins coming home late, becomes colder with his wife, and their sex life dies. These are all common signs of infidelity so she asks him and he says he's just been under a lot of stress at his new job. Are you saying if she still has doubts she should divorce him so she's not in a relationship and should start therapy?
What in the actual fuck dude. Please do not ruin your child's life by keeping this awful woman in it.
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He found every way to make this your fault. Wow. Good for you for getting out before this gets worse.
She’s taking it slow geesh
Maybe you should try that
Info: whats your involvement in all this?
I think I must have dated your ex. Congratulations on being smarter than I was.
It feels you're being disrespected and made like a sex tool to your husband isnt it. Just tell.him your feelings once and for all to your husband especially what he has been saying to hia friend. If he is still continuing with this, then you decide whether this marriage is right for you.
WOW
I get both sides to this. You want to feel safe in your own home and your bf doesn’t like that another dude is in his home protecting his gf while he can’t do anything at the moment. And no matter what you say about him being a “kid” he’s close enough in age to you and he’s protecting you so there’s always the possibility that a bond forms that would be inappropriate for someone in a relationship. Are you not able to stay with friends/family for the month? Your home seems to be the place you were traumatized most here.
Block her and be done with it. She doesn't like a good person at all.
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No one asked you to butt in
I'm not saying that your husband is being logical, just that this appears to be his train of thought. Have you talked to him about it?
This is why all my nudes I send I also make public.
Too little too late. Congratulations you single handedly destroyed your relationship
No. The fact that you pay for the majority of your meals and household stuff is plenty, and hopefully he's just joking because of the situation itself. Of course, since he has 4 roommates it might be nice to get them a couple groceries, because your BF is not losing anything but they might be out a bit more than otherwise.
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I think this would depend on some factors. It's tradition to kiss someone at midnight, I've pecked friends, pets, relatives, just for funsies.
My fiance had a friend who walked right up to him when it wasn't new years and planted a big wet one on him – I was a bit shocked as I hadn't met her, then she walked right up to me and did the same lol. Just how she greets people. What a greeting! You get used to it. She's married and very monogamous.
I think the context might change the situation a bit since it's a traditional thing in some places or if you gf kisses relatives as a platonic display of affection.
Talk with her and let her know how it made you feel.
This guy is hiding you after TWO YEARS? Dude. Come on. You aren't this guy's priority or even given consideration. Time to move on.
You are almost an adult.
Again, you prefer to have all this drama and reason to be excluded, instead of you getting ready and tell them “I’m going to a NYE party, I’ll be back by 2AM. Which of the 2 is picking me up? Or am I getting an Uber?”
You are making all these excuses for why you are miserable, so here is the advice: if you want something, act on it. Don’t just feed on the drama.
If I was your boyfriend, I’d say “It was a last-minute thing. You’ve made it clear from all the previous times that you are not willing to speak with your parents about last minute plans, so I didn’t even bother”.
Respectfully, if you’re insinuating that she should stay home after this trip was planned to take care of you then I would say you’re out of your mind. You don’t need around the clock care and on top of that, you would be subjecting her to catch your sickness from being around you which is selfish. You need rest and to stay home. She should actually put some distance between you as of right now so you can recover.
Y’all are 20 years old…. Don’t expect much. This is something people do/thinks of doing constantly in relationships, get used to it and don’t make a big deal out of it. Just my humble opinion.
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What a mess! I wouldn't call what you did lying, but it should have been a serious conversation between the two of you before it reaches this stage.
Some of my best friends didnt wish my a new year because they were out doing their own thing like I was doing mine. Im not hurt by it because it holds no weight. I KNOW im gonna see them soon, I KNOW we are in each other’s lives.
You’re only looking for whether or not to wish her a new year because you dont know if you are or are not in hers and you want some tether to her. Dont say anything to her unless she wishes it to you, but even if she doesnt dont take it like an attack. In a week you might get a “hows it going?” And that isnt wrong, thats just friendships. You do you, and dont hang on her every choice.
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It wouldnt have killed her to stay home, especially with the spread of your sick to family. But it's just new years. If it was your birthday or something, this would be a different comment. I hope you're feeling better though. And Happy New Year!
Of course he’s sexually attracted to her, and a million other women in the world. As you are with a million guys. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love u, don’t be so insecure
Just voice your feelings, keeping them inside doesnt serve a purpose for either of you.
“Hey, I'm happy to meet you. To be honest I find this very akward and unsetteling, dont really know how to act or behave.”
100% she feels the shame and she will be relieved you said so, that way her feelings are validated, tension are lifted a bit and you have something to break the ice.
Good luck, you got this.
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Your boyfriend is a nutcase. Date someone who is not a nutcase.
I also wonder, in the event that this is a genuine scenario, whether or not the OP may be manifesting some mental health issues like anxiety or depression. When asked how she spends her time the answer was: laundry and cleaning. It is possible that there is anxiety or agoraphobia at the route of this and the root of the partner's concern is that she is not thriving because she is so idle.
Sounds like quite a catch OP – gets drunk, abusive, naps all the time. Why exactly do you want to stay with him?
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This isn’t healthy. Having your life revolve one person isn’t healthy at all. If the anxiety is THAT bad then you need to be in therapy. You can volunteer with the animal shelter or library, things that don’t necessarily center around talking to people. Find a hobby: gardening, knitting, SOMETHING.
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Hell no.
It's come up a few times. Honestly, it catches her off guard if I bring it up. She usually uses it as a threat if we're having an argument and I don't back down.
But, if I bring it up and speak plainly it seems to hit different. Ironically enough, she threatens leaving but gets really offended if I say “man, you want out let's get you out”
That's a whole other can of worms.
The difference is that humans have the concept of morality, and we make decisions and judgements based on our version of morality. Animals act on instinct and nature, humans often go against instinct or nature in order to align with our own “morals” or judgements.
We too often anthropomorphize our pets; assigning moral judgements to their actions is just one way people often do it. It's just not applicable to animals.
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Part of the issue with long distance is you miss out on opportunities to on-line your life since your partner can't be there. This just sounds like a fun time for NYE.
Lot more fun to stay up late and drink than to head back early to sleep in a room with your father.
I get that you're uncomfortable though.
Are you out of your goddamn mind?
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I agree with this. If he's really penitent, he would move out and let OP and their baby have the place.
What kind of bars? Are all your guy friends single and trying to meet people? How frequent are you doing this?
It really depends on what you are doing, and how often. Lots of time someone will post on here and other subs about their partner going out with a group of friends, staying out real late and generally acting like they are single. Most people here would say this is a huge red flag.
Not saying that is what you are doing but I am sure if those people's shady partners were posting on here, they could write the very same thing you did.
What I would say as a general rule is that if you are seriously dating someone you shouldn't be going out to bars all the time, at least not single bars. Nor should you be going out with a bunch of single friends as they are trying to hook up. Now catching up with the guys, watching sports sometimes, OK.
However in general you should continue to be acting the way you were when you were single once you get serious with someone. And honestly you shouldn't want to. So if you still do then maybe you are just not ready to have a serious relationship.
Now if we are talking once in a while then I think she is being controlling, but having read these stories enough I am not going to make that assumption.
I do! I'm a movie geek and we usually have our movie date night together. She's so patient and understanding and yet, it's always her on her phone that's irking me. She can't put down her phone and when I ask her to do so, she checks it out every 30 minutes or so, unless if I give her serious request to not use a phone during a movie. And thank you for your insight, much appreciated!
Yeah you have some issues you need to work out with yourself. So what if she has band pics.
Stay with your parents. Talk to a therapist. It may be a one and done. Don’t stay for the baby! That was awful growing up and so much guilt laid on my audited & I. Separate loving homes are much better in the long run.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but he dumped you pretty fast without any evidence. Some things can’t be put back together.
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Hitler the most evil man that ever existed waged war on the entire world. He didn’t just declare war on France or something like that. He declared war on planet earth. He created a genocide murdering millions and millions of Jews. A massacre. He tortured people. Starved them to death. He put people in gas chambers that were disguised as showers. I mean pure pure evil. The very definition of what evil is as we know it.
And at the end of World War II he married his wife Eva in a bunker.
And the very next day he shot her in the face and then blew his own brains out.
Marriage is tough.
I mean if the most evil man that ever existed couldn’t stand marriage for more than one day, what chance do any of us have?
I mean what did she say to him?
“You called this a bunker? You should see my sisters bunker! Now that’s a bunker!!!”
*shoots self in face.
1) I understand what you mean it's not my problem. I mean she called and she seemed really hurt so. If I knew before I would have handled things differently.
2) it just went on for long and we were close so it felt a bit more different than other hook up situations. Therefore the boundary. But since it was done I told him I understand if he's involved with them in any capacity. Like it makes sense
3) I fell off to sleep on the couch after drinking, he made me sleep on his bed after a while and I woke up and this was going on. I don't think he meant it like that, I don't think he realized it truly.
Thanks for the rest of the advice. In some cases I already trusted them because I knew them. And hooking up was normal for me but I think I got carried away. Didn't feel respected. And if they don't give a shit about my relationship boundaries, I don't think I should be involved with them for that long. It's always peaceful if it's a random fling but after a while it gets too much.
Thanks for everything tho. Yeah I need to start turning down people because sometimes I haven't even enjoyed it so what's the point and why should I sleep around so much anyway
Block him on everything and do not add random requests on social media. I would even confirm with them beforehand if people try to add you who you know in real life. Don't be afraid to instigate some kind of legal protection if necessary and keep every chat log and email. This guy tried to cut you from everybody and is pretty controlling – he seems dangerous. Tell people around you to keep an eye for this guy and not to give any kind of your information to him. Better be safe than sorry.
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You can most definitely decide to ‘move out of the village’ that your daughter wants to build a granny annex for you to live in.
You can choose to be whatever type of granny you want to be and you have every right not to sacrifice your well-being any more than you have already for your children or their children.
I would explain to your daughter than you have prioritised her and her brother and now it’s time for you to prioritise you and set your boundaries.
Nonstop misery? I think you answered your question right there. Why in the world would you stick around for a relationship you just described as nonstop misery? You don’t have to stay married to her.
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He needs to be patient and win you back. You guys have communications problem and I hope you can clearly get your feelings across to him and he patiently listens to understand how he hurt you.
You don’t want to be with someone you cannot trust.
Yeah, she has changed me a lot as person. I have nothing but only respect for her on this and I can proudly say she is and will always be my best friend.
I guess I’m of the same mind as your girlfriend which will be downvated of course. Whilst I do believe she should have told you and obviously now you’ll need time to adjust. Seeing/dating a couple people at a time is completely normal. Especially if you haven’t had the exclusivity discussion.
She probably went slow with you because she saw a future with you, it doesn’t change her character at all.
Humans just do dumb shit sometimes.
Dude…get over it and grow up. You and her weren’t together so she can do what she wants. She picked you and loves you. Who cares about what went on in the past?
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Actually the Italian thing sounds like it's better for OP. It shows she likes OP for himself and not just because he's Italian. Otherwise if she was already seeing the other Italian guy, why would she leave?
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Poly is a popular buzzword.
Not sure most of the people claiming to be poly actually know what it means.
I'd suggest you not get involved but if you want to chance it figure out what she means by being poly and take that into account.
I reckon she really likes you, but she needs to be convinced that you are really into her. So far she has done most of the initiating.
Unless you take all the millions of hints she has dropped and start pursuing her, then she’s going to think that your feelings are more an opportunistic taking-what-you-can, rather than being passionate about her specifically.
She is holding back because she needs to be convinced that she is special to her.
I’m not grooving on her kissing the other guy, but I think that was likely an attempt to make you jealous and hopefully rouse some more decisive “chasing” behaviour from you.
Your seeming lack of strong feelings for her or game that would make her feel excited or cherished by you is going to ruin your chances if you don’t pursue her more assertively rather than being so wishy-washy.
Her saying that she’s not sure which bucket to put you in , is likely her wishing that you would put some effort in to make her feel more desired by you, and not just be someone who just goes along with whatever’s happening. That “flake”energy will kill a crush before it can truly ignite. So take the lead, before she friend-zones you.
Tell her the truth that it's always bothered you. Ask her if she's okay with you referring to her as your cow?
I think there needs to be some sort of trusted/neutral moderator for this talk. When emotions run high, between two parties, I feel only a third party can help keep things effective.
What would happen if you just texted him and said, “we're done,” and then blocked his number.
What would happen? Have you thought about it?
It's his career. What does HE want to do. What does he want career wise? All I see is how you want him to be the provider.
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you really need to clarify in your post that you said you thought her friend would be good in bed. that goes SO FAR beyond just saying you complimented her friends looks. there is no coming back from that one especially considering you are saying it came up in conversation multiple times.
Probably the money
You leave her alone. You’re a horrible partner and just- Wtaf? Why would you think it’s okay to talk about how hard her friend is and “how she would be in bed” while in a relationship? You lost her and that’s on you. What should you do? Leave her the hell alone. Don’t harass her, don’t message her, call her, show up at her house/place where she works. Leave her tf alone.
Is the common pattern that he fails to do what he should, you get upset about that, and then he says you're at fault for “nagging” instead of him being at fault for not doing what he should?
What are your big arguments about?
I think if someone ruined my 30th birthday with a proposal, I'd be pissed.
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Just as /u/the-mirrors-truth mentioned, do not stop dating. If you can afford it, get dressed, make a reservation for a nicer than usual place you guys dine at, and talk. Talk about what you guys want for another. If you cannot afford or do not want to dine out, go out and have a romantic picnic or even nice dinner inside. It doesn't have to be extravagant; just has to have effort.
Be playful and flirty with one another.
I would text her that you aren't feeling well and won't be seeing her. Leave it at that
Ok? Does that make you feel special? It should make you feel used.
You like the attention that you get from her, too, knowing that she'll 'chase' you if you don't respond. It's a little thrill, isn't it.
At 26, both of you are old enough to know it's an inappropriate relationship now. This is really not a friendship and you are assisting her to emotionally cheat on whoever it is she's supposed to be dating now.
If you tell her you're not going to be involved like this anymore while she's with someone, and cut her off, what's the worst that could happen? If you block her on all media and contact, can you focus on moving on with your actual life and find happiness with someone who wants to be with you full-time? Or would you still go back with her if she snapped her fingers?
If you can't answer this question, you may want to get some private counselling on why you feel this is an acceptable position for you to be in. You deserve better. Good luck.
i wd not rule out that they spiked your drinks with the very intention to rape you.
i'm so sorry op. i's not your fault, not even a tiny bit.
yea..
Right. She's no longer into you sexually and is using her “guilt” over cheating (ha! ha! ha!) as an out to stop fcking you. You don't have to accept a relationship with no sex; it's within your power to leave her. She doesn't want to have sex with you and is trying to brazen her way into you accepting a sexless relationship.
She's testing your boundaries and how far she can push them.
You showed her that you have some self respect so move on. Don't let her damage your self worth, you don't deserve to be with a liar.
She coming “clean” doesn't excuse what she did and she knew it was a wrong thing to do.
Uhhh. I’m gonna go against the grain here and say maybe you should leave him !?? Are you sure that’s what you want? A relationship with this old man? One where he’s controlling and isn’t willing to come to an agreement? The fact that he has two gfs that young says he got a type. I think it’s disgusting and he’s clearly a problem. Older men like to get with younger women to abuse them in some way, and you can already see how controlling he’s trying to be with no attachment. Please be careful. I’m not saying you’re a child and he’s a predator, you are both consenting adults. But it still is something to think of.
You were groomed and in your edits you're clearly defensive about it. The proof is in the pudding…get out before it's too late.
A week? This is insane. Walk away, dude.
“I could get to 500 and he’d still love me and wash my ass with a rag on a stick and hump me rabid. Took 2 years but I lost it all.”
This isn't love, or healthy, probably not the best outlook to share to people.
i mean they did say they love me more than anyone in an emotional and not physical way, i just found it weird that i do see them as physically perfect but i don't know i prefer talking things out first, after all they tend to say things they don't mean because of borderline disorder but idk i'm willing to keep trying, they are the only thing id never give up on.
Jesus Christ talk ABOUT a roast We got child over here!. See nobody cares
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So people are worried about the stress on his fiancée? What about his sister? She’s literally losing her mind to mental illness and the gf is being petty. If his sister had cancer would any of you be on the fiancée’s side? Just because it’s a disease of the brain versus any other part of the body doesn’t justify the bias. His sister could lose her life.
Dude she’s 26 and already gained 60 pounds on 2.5 years…
She needs to do something about her weight gain
It’s unreasonable for anyone to expect you to be attracted to a literal obese person
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Do YOU want a boob job? Factoring in if it makes him happier? Don’t do this for him, do it for you. It’s your body, and your discomfort/risk.
If he really loves you and really feels your perfect, this won’t matter and will be as he said, a nice to have but that’s it. If he’s lying and it’s a fetish he needs, not getting it will also reveal that. And do you really want to be with someone who needs you to be their fetish to be with you?
Take it another way. I like body hair on my SO. My SO does not like how it feels. Bc it’s something naturally occurring and easily changeable, they did indulge me once for a little while. But then they reverted. It was nice while it lasted but it’s not necessarily and hasn’t changed our relationship at all (except that I appreciate their considering and trying it).
A boob job is a very different proposition.
Personally I wouldn’t do it unless you’ve been together a decade and you’re sure you’re ok with it.
Have you considered therapy for the two of you, both as a couple and separate? I understand and hate that that isn’t always an option but if it is in this case and you think there is a chance you could work it is something that might actually help you both. This is obviously after you get actual medical attention for your current illness and decide if he is worth that effort.
I don't think you should be there when she comes back , she surprised you it's time you returned the favour
What's your living situation , your girlfriend is playing you for a fool so the relationship is over , it's all about logistics now.
Let him end it. Hell, encourage him to end it! He was your ex for a reason.
He never owns up. Which also means he doesn't take responsibility for his choices.
Which also means not saying sorry or admitting when he does things?
Do you ever feel invalidated? Gaslit?
I am sorry that you didn't find out sooner that he was cheating.
I hope you have support.
You do not need any evidence to leave. You can go just because you need to leave.
You sound like such a lovely caring partner!
If you are happy with giving her the level of support she will need, perhaps for many years, you could suggest couples counselling to her.
It sounds kinder and morr supportive than telling her she needs counselling and it could help resolve a lot of issues over a period of time.
I wish you both success and much happiness together. ?
Don't do these things and most women will be fine working with you. It's that we don't want to teach men to not do these things, yeah?
why do you think like that?
This. They might be old. His reaction was odd but maybe just because he didn't realize you would think he cheated because you found them. Maybe he didn't apologize cause there was nothing to apologize for and his train of thought didn't last long enough to get why you are upset.
That said this is giving him the benefit of the doubt and the opposite could be very much true but the condoms alone aren't enough of a reason to assume he cheated
So yeah. Talk to him
There are health concerns that she needs to be mindful of.
Bacteria flourishes in warm, damp spaces… like the groin area. She could get many different types of infections by not changing her underwear more frequently.
It's unhygienic and makes no sense to shower and turn around and put on the same underwear you wore pre-shower. Is she only showering every four days?
Perhaps she doesn't know that she should change them more frequently. Maybe she didn't have a helpful mother/aunt that taught her these things. Maybe her sex education was lacking (I learned nothing educational in mine, thank God I have an informative mom).
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I'll look into that thank you!
Because cheaters get their self esteem from sex in part, so they are fucking wild in the sack.
Your gf‘s friend is potentially being groomed by the 35yo. Tell her that and that the gifts are probably manipulative in nature. If you two aren‘t compatible, leave. She can‘t expect you to treat her better than she treats you.
Gross. Leave
The car analogy comes from the red pill dudes and their shit podcasts.
Usually it's a not a car but a bag of cash or a nice watch, but it's the same shit.
His other views also lean that way.
He might not act on it now, but in his head, you're not completely his yet. Don't marry him or he will act on it.
Move on. If she wanted to go on a date with you she would have texted you to plan it already. She is stringing you along and neither of you are mature enough to be in a relationship anyways. Relationships are about communication and this whole blocking nonsense is childish.
Hi, former social worker here and still working with children and families that need help.
Talk to cps, answer their questions honestly. We are supposed to be trained to ask questions regarding what concerns us but also to find the whole picture. Taking a child is not the first thing cps does (the rate at which they do varies from country to country, but in developed countries it's generally recognized that taking a child is an extreme measure to be used sparingly) and if they take the child it's not just dependent of what you have to say. But talk to them, help them get enough information to make the right decision. It's worth to note that cps can also give parents extra support and resources if they need it, although again, exactly how much support they can give varies from country to country.
200%
Why would you contact him after 2 years? If he was interested/ready he knew how to contact you. Let it go.
Ok wait so cosplaying as a black character when you are a tanned white person is also black face? She is making it a stupid race thing. So fucking what if my tanned white friend dressed up as mace windu, would it be wrong if my Indian friend was mace windu? Or maybe it would be wrong if my Arab friend was mace windu? This is beyond stupid, people can cosplay, as whoever the fuck they want, don't gatekeep that and make it about race
“Some of her friends” are not “her current boyfriend.”
Wtf did I just read ?
Why do you give a shit if he is happy?
When I thought I recognised what was happening the second time I did roll over and cuddle him and was touching him, as I went for his penis I realised his legs were closed tightly so I rolled off of him cause that didn’t seem like someone who wants to have sex. But a few minutes later the heavy breathing started again
because that completely ignores a lot of lower income people’s situations. I also cannot leave my family, job, and life I’ve built. it’s a very ignorant take.
If you don’t want to have sex, don’t force your self into it just to make her happy. And if she is refusing you, try testing what happens if you reject her instead. Or have a convo about it if possible.
I’m confused how she feels guilty due to religious reasons if she begged you for sex? But doesn’t want to engage when you initiate… that’s weird
Look we can't help our feelings. Feelings are natural. Jealousy, anger, a little self-loathing, a little dislike of her, etc. You can't help that you feel that way, but what you can help is how you act. You can start taking steps to become okay with it or remove yourself from the friendship if you're going to start being a negative force in her life just because she has money. If you are noticing yourself starting to become toxic or rude or cruel or cold towards her just because you found out 10 years later that she inherited a great deal of money you need to cut yourself out of that friendship for her sake and your own. It's not fair that you're going to hold something against her that she would change the heartbeat.
We are just too different as people and clash way too much.
This is all you need to know to make a decision. You're just too different. You guys just aren't a match and there's nothing wrong with that. The environment is toxic, it wouldn't be better if a baby got involved. You'd just poison the baby. Leave this woman and find someone else who better suits you.
Also, you don't need to be with her to be a good father, in the case she is actually pregnant. You can still support and love your child. Don't let that trick you into thinking you need to stay with her.
And this is why you never ask that question.
You can and should talk about previous sexual activities, but it should be about what you liked and didn’t like, and what you want to do now. Never ask about who is best, never ask for names to go along with the activities, as that road leads to comparisons, and that never ends well.
Ok, then yes I agree. I would also talk to your partner about the situation and let them know you are uncomfortable with the whole situation but I would distance myself from the “friend” who wants y’all to be cool. More than likely that girl will end up hooking up with your friends SO in the future.
You were perfectly willing to destroy your marriage if your friend agreed.
It’s amazing how some people can’t even imagine how this is difficult for you! It’s because their style is like your wife’s. For me, (probably autistic) all that subtext is absolutely exhausting and very very hot to figure out how I’m supposed to participate and respond. I’m naturally more an asker than a guesser.
But, I’ve also learned in emotionally abusive relationships to tiptoe around gauging someone’s mood, lest I be direct and am met with anger, hostility, resentment, and still not even get a clear answer. Which is even more exhausting than interpreting subtext.
Yes I would. I'm not sexist. There is subs full of lonely men aswell. This one happens to be one with more women on it.
I am not sure what you’re asking here but he’s entitled to his feelings as you are to yours. He feels it’s moving too fast – do with that what you will, it may not be how you feel but it sounds like that’s what he thinks.
Without more context, it’s hard to comment on him cutting you off – if he asked you how your day went & you launched into a 30 minute blow by blow account…or maybe it was 1 in the morning & he wanted to go to bed, who knows.
If you’ve only been seeing him for a few days maybe take a breather & let the dude come to you.
Dump, ain’t nobody got time for an insecure person. That’s high-school stuff you’re adults now.
You have some options, 1. Seek couples counseling 2, break up and walk away 3, seek counseling for yourself to figure out why you can't leave and why she treats you like this. But most of all if she can't or won't go to counseling, couples or individual , you need therapy to figure out why you are staying. Sexless, loveless relationships usually don't work out and if you stay you will basically be deserving of her treatment because you can't walk away.
I went through something similar in my relationship.
a couple things to consider:
•what is his porn consumption like? does he watch a lot of it? if he does, he might be expending his sexual energy on that and having none left over for you, or that he has unrealistic expectations for sex that you (or anyone really) can't meet.
•is he open to therapy? both personal and/or couples? this is a serious issue that could quickly snowball into something much worse, and you need to discern whether or not he's willing and able to commit to counselling to address it. if he isn't, that's very telling about both his conflict resolution skills and about how important the relationship is to him.
•does he know how intensely this is affecting you? why is he reticent to see a doctor? a blood test for testosterone and thyroid stimulating hormone could be illuminating and isn't big or scary to do.
•could he be cheating on you? are you confident he isn't, and that he's heterosexual?
•was there a precipitating event that started this that you can think of?
•is this a pattern in other relationships he's had?
sorry if this isn't helpful – it's a difficult, messy, uncomfortable situation and nearly impossible to navigate gracefully. at the very least I'd recommend investing in a good vibrator for yourself, seeing a counsellor to help your own mental health, being open with him about your needs, and checking out r/deadbedrooms if you need some validation/commiseration. I hope this turns out alright for you.
I don't see the issue, just go. Are you going to get kicked out?
You both didn’t bring it up so why all this deflecting on him? He’s not just doing sex to you. It’s a mutual act.
You need to see a doctor to figure out what’s up with your libido. It’s not fair to him that you only want sex once a month. This isn’t going to end well for you. You keep talking about what he can do for you but what are you doing for each other? You guys need therapy and fast.
He isn’t the best…trust me.
OK that’s not so bad it’s only six months. The six months you probably need them the most though. Are used to have a big large group of friends with an even bigger group of acquaintances and sometimes we would date each other and then break up and it was horrible. I would have to work hard of getting over it really fast because I don’t know why I just felt that way. I didn’t want to be embarrassing. Everybody knew so I had to pretend like I was OK until my feelings were off. It was awful. I’ve never done that since my 20s.
He wants to bang her
How does she know a lot of people that you grew up with, but you don't know her? ??
Nah you never get over it completely, you can choose to ignore it but it will always come up in arguments and then you’re seen as in the wrong for dredging up old shit.
You treated her like a queen for a week but obviously neglected your gf in favor of her.
Let your gf go and be with someone who doesn’t want to cheat on her, emotionally or physically. Both is bad. You are doing the emotional cheating, if it wasn’t clear already.
This is highschool level shit for me this entire thread is hilarious. Almost as it is bait. ?
Pull the other one, it's got bells on it
No, she went to a party and was drinking with friends, not just him specifically. He offered to give her a ride home because she was very drunk, and then slept with her. Regardless of what happened, she is no less deserving or worthy of a long term partner than anybody else, period.
Put out
Just tell her the truth. The moment she asked you the question, you lost all feelings for her. Make her realize that the second she asked, you realized she was not invested in this relationship.
Finances are one of the top reasons for divorce, even beating out infidelity. Do not get married to someone who you can't trust with regards to money or that you're not on the same page with regarding financial priorities.
You're not locked in yet – there's still time to run.
she told me that relationships and sex are not meant to be restricted and that we should be free to explore it with others
She is correct.
So break up with her and let her be free while you find someone more aligned with your own views
It is unfair to you because you did everything right being upfront to prevent this from happening, still its better now than 5 years from now.
That’s a selection criterion that works both ways.
Same, but I would at least be courteous and say “hey, I have covid and am using your place to quarantine. Is that ok?”
I wonder how you will view this relationship when you eventually stop looking like a child and he goes off to find another 15 year old to groom. Wake up and smell the roses, this is creepy af.
Determining what is enough to warrant a break up is purely subjective. Trust is the most important thing to a relationship and if you don't have trust in the other person and can't rebuild it, that's a good sign to break up.
The larger thing I'm hearing from this is that your boyfriend hasn't gotten over his ex and hasn't moved on from the previous relationship. Keeping things from an ex isn't a bad thing. It's a part of what brought him to where he is today and brought you together. What isn't ok is going into another relationship and not being ok with moving forward. He needs to heal first.
How long have you been dating? Do you know what happened with his ex?
Talk to your bf about this and not reddit.
“Found out the woman I'm dating does not date men under 6 ft” – red flag or not?
Reddit is a ridiculous place.
Sometimes just saying a bunch of nice things after insulting someone doesn’t just wash away the insult and the feelings it caused.
It seems like you just want to insult me and men that you deem “insecure”. If all you want to do is insult people, then I won’t continue this conversation.
I wish you the best.
I have a job. Now that I’ve sat on this a bit I’ve realized he doesn’t actually support us financially, he just pays the mortgage and that’s his excuse for not doing housework.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I wish you the best. As a fellow mom, who has gone through the craziness of pregnancy hormones and postpartum, I think your setting yourself up the best way you can.
I would definitely get the house changed to your name and wait until you feel more stable to make any major decisions. I hope there is someone in your life that you feel comfortable enough with to help you through the first few weeks after baby is born. The first year May help strengthen your relationship or show the cracks. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide
Also, I’m 33. I apparently spaced that I had a birthday recently.
You were broken up. She told you. People are saying “she knew what she was doing.” Maybe she did. Maybe she was hurt over the break up.
The point is you were broken up for a year and she came straight out and told you when you reconnected. I wouldn't walk away from her yet.
As for the friend, I don't know. If I had a best friend that split with his first/true love, I would be weary about sleeping with her. Especially if it was something that would fuck my “best friend” up, and I would have to hide it.
I've fucked friend's exes, but these were friends in the sense that we were knew the same people. Not best friends. If my best friend hooked up with my first love ( and he knew she was my #1 ) then that friendship is over.
She doesn't and as I said maybe it's a langauge issue. She says she only thinks it's an apology if you say certain words, other wise it's just a heads up meaning “oh, cool I didn't know that, thanks for letting me know. I will do better”.
What you're not getting here is that your traditional principles are unwanted and dated. She doesn't want it. Good luck with this relationship.
the latter half of that is so difficult tho because he’s a family member of one of my best friends… I definitely don’t feel like getting police involved, in some ways i’m worried it may have seen like i strung him on bc i was always very nice to him/gave him attention – that’s what his mom was saying why he acted like that… ugh
Break up with him if it's that much of a big deal to you. Gotta love Reddit who have already decided he's an abusive pervert who wants nothing but youth. Clearly evidenced by the fact he broke up with you once he found out your age.
You have money. Hire a home helper.
You're traditional, but had a kid out of wedlock.
Sounds like you cherry pick which things sound like you want and can have control over.
I think either way can work….with therapy and without. Obviously with therapy you have a much higher chance, but there are people who manage without. The point that seems to me that…something needs to change, is when you said it affects you. So… this kind of means either you stick around for a bit more and then split…or he goes to therapy and maybe works it out(no guarantees). If he refuses(i assume you will do a final push for therapy and eventually drop it)…keep a close eye on how much it affects you and figure out how much you are willing to take(like set some hard cutoff points from the start since when you get absorbed in the situation its much harder to detach yourself).
If you're talking about texts, and he's getting impatient that you're not responding quickly, I totally sympathize with you. But it sounds like you're talking about in-person conversations, in which case my question is…why are you so frequently ignoring your bf when he talks to you? That sounds pretty rude? If you're half-asleep that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's the majority of incidents you're talking about here. It sounds like he talks to you or asks you things and you just don't respond, which is hella rude and I don't blame him one bit for his reaction.
Stand up for yourself! Tell him flat out you don't like to be mocked and not taken seriously when it comes to stuff your passionate about. Say it like a boss bitch! Like you mean it, with conviction! My bf mocked me once and I called his ass out real quick, he hasn't done it once since. You are allowing him to walk all over you. Tell him you don't care if he thinks you are being too sensitive, you don't like how he treats you sometimes and it needs to change and if it can't Tell him to go fuck himself.
If you trust your girlfriend this isn’t an issue. But if you don’t trust her, that says a lot about your relationship…
Lube will not work if it’s hurting this much. A doctor would be much better
You are both shallow as fuck. There is nothing wrong with having a personal preference with regards to looks….he can have a preference with looks just like you can. Height, skin tone, weight, hair, whats the difference? A personal reference doesn't mean that person is racist. Your bf needs more tact, and you need to stop being a feminist. Best of luck to you both!
Throw him in the nearest waste bin. He is trash.
I don’t see anything you did wrong. And, despite the fact that I personally disagree with your ex with every fiber of my being that having kids is what women are “for”, every person has the right to look for what they want in a partner. I think it’s really crappy for you that he didn’t make his views and desires clear WAYYYYY earlier in the relationship, about wanting so many children and a wife who fills the old-fashioned traditional “house-wife” or “stay-at-home Mom” stereotypical roles. But I’m not getting a vibe from your description like he intentionally hid this to manipulate you, just that it didn’t really come up until long after you gave up your life you built for yourself in Japan.
I was unsure why you mentioned early in your post that doing all the care tasks for him was a mistake, but I get it, now – I think you’re wondering if you’re to blame for filling these caretaker roles in the past, possibly giving him reason to assume you’d step easily into a housewife role. I don’t think you need to blame yourself – there’s a HUGE difference between doing caring things for a partner on a voluntary basis vs. having a partner decide you need to dedicate every free moment to raising he number of children HE wants. I do think his assumption that it’s okay to expect you to either give up having a career OR juggle the demands of a career and FIVE KIDS because he thinks women magically just have the time and desire to do all the childcare is just asinine.
On the other hand, I can fully understand how you can still be hung up on him, because it sounds like the two of you were ideally suited in so many other ways. Finding out very last minute that you want very different things in one CRITICAL issue crushed your mutual dreams without destroying all the other areas where you did fit together so well. It’s just horribly sad for both of you. I’m so sorry this is how things turned out for you. I’m glad you have a therapist, and remember that there is no statute of limitations on grieving for a lost love or a lost dream. If you need more time to let go, that’s okay. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself more time to process the loss.
Best of luck to you in the life you are building, now. I hope you have great successes. Please take this hug from some internet rando 🙂 hugs
You can care a lot for someone without being in love with them. It is really hard to break up with someone you care for because you feel like a terrible person for hurting them. Just like you wouldn’t want to make your friend sad.
It’s absolutely not your responsibility to help her with that tho.
To make it easier for both of you cut contact while you focus on healing.
Go to the doctor!!
Right. Apparently we just all aren’t giving the “right answer” to OP?
You’re dating a bully
At some point YOU have to take control of your life and make choices that put YOU first and see YOU happy. Otherwise, nothing is ever going to change and you are always going to feel upset and miserable and embarrassed.
The only person capable of helping you IS you. YOU have to respect yourself. YOU have to love yourself. YOU have to do what's best for yourself. No one else is going to do it for you.
Your husband is a disgusting piece of shit, point blank. He groomed his teenage sister in law, admitted to trying to have sex with her, and given his behavior in front of your entire family with her, has most likely actually been with her.
Your sister is not blameless either. She is young. She is being groomed. She is being manipulated. She is also 18 now and old enough to know that you don't fuck your sisters boyfriend let alone husband. That's kind of one of those things normal, well adjusted people just don't do. She is fully aware of right vs wrong when it comes to behaving towards you, her sister. She is a victim of grooming yes, but that does not mean you are obligated in any sense to set yourself on fire to protect her. She is making the willing and conscious choice to betray her sister. Teenagers are stupid, but they know what a betrayal is and they know when they are causing harm to someone. Because she is 18, unless you can prove the grooming occurred or a sexual relationship occurred before her 18th birthday there is very little legal recourse to force her away from him. Which unfortunately means she's going to continue down this path with him, whether you are married to him or not.
The best possible thing you can do for your sister right now is tough love. Coddling her, staying close, and telling her it's all okay while she betrays your trust over and over again is doing nothing but letting her know she can treat you any way she likes without repercussions. She won't learn from it, she won't be safe from her own choices, and it puts her at a significant risk of harm when dealing with a slimy rat like your husband.
Sit your sister down. Tell her you know everything. You aren't arguing about it. You love her, but her behavior is so wildly inappropriate, hurtful, and asinine that you cannot and will not be by her side while she chooses to treat you so poorly. If she is ever in danger, if she ever truly needs help, you are a phone call away. You will make sure she is safe. But unless it is a true emergency you are cutting her off. She needs to learn that adult decisions come with adult consequences. Messing around with your sisters husband is an irreversible betrayal. That is the sort of action that rips families apart. I have disowned blood for far, far less then something so severe. Being young and vulnerable, if she didn't reciprocate and didn't know how to tell you he was making moves on her would be one thing. But sitting at Christmas dinner and making a show of backing her ass into him, sitting in his lap, taking his side for every photo, and obnoxiously flirting in front of you and the rest of the family is a deliberate and intentional act. She knows what shes doing in this regard and the only way her behavior with you will ever change is if you institute harsh boundaries for your own mental health.
I know you worry about your sister. But she's going to make her own choices in this and the harder you try to confront her, try to force her to cut him off, try to get her to see the error of her choices, the harder shes going to fight you on it. Babying her through those choices only prevents her from learning WHY they are poor choices and she will continue to make them.
You need to take a step back from both of these people. They have not been good to you. They have not been healthy. They have not been positive. And they do not love you the way family is supposed to love you. Your children are watching you as a role model for what they should allow in their own lives once grown. This is not the life you want those kids modeling after. Separated but happy parents are healthier homes then married, miserable and resentful parents.
Go to INDIVIDUAL therapy. Just you. Couples therapy doesn't work when one of the pair is a manipulative liar that grooms teenagers. Learn the coping mechanisms needed to process this and heal. Learn the tools you'll need to be a healthy co-parent. Have it written into your custody agreement that ALL communication be directed only in a parenting app that saves the conversations in text. There are dozens of court approved ones. This prevents your slimy husband from guilting you, rubbing anything in your face, or making coparenting difficult. When you do custody exchanges meet at a neutral location so no one is surprised or bullied in their own home. If he starts anything in person, kindly tell him it can be discussed in the parenting app and then stop responding. Document any and all instances of him saying nasty things about you to the kids (if it happens). Make sure you never talk negatively about him in front of the kids or within ear shot. They'll be adults one day. They'll make their own choices about their parents. Make sure they remember that you never pushed your own agenda, they'll respect you more for it.
You deserve to be happy OP. You deserve to come home to a peaceful home. You deserve to love someone and be loved back in full. You deserve being able to trust the people in your home.
Do not settle for the bare minimum in life or in your relationships, romantic or otherwise. Change is terrifying. It is. But it's also wonderful, and freeing. You are in control of your life. Only you can make the life you want. You will never feel happy by being a doormat to others. Stick up for yourself, you ARE worthy of better things. Shout that from the rooftops until you start believing it.
You're only 23. You're right, it shouldn't be this hard. You DO deserve to be someone's dream girl.
Have you told him you heard him say this? What does he say it means? Ask him if he has this 'dream girl' in mind, why is he with you? (be calm but serious)
It's possible this is just a stupid thing he has said in talking with his buddies. I have a total crush on on Keith Richards but my husband looks nothing like him. He's OK with that!
Again, this needs to be a serious conversation so you can feel comfortable with whatever you decide.
Tell her the truth if you must, that you're a basehead with loser junkie friends and you'll be terrible for her but please leave this poor girl alone.
I am seeing a lot of people here using a word that YOU may not choose to use for your situation. YOU are the one who decides what label goes on your experience. No one else.
However, the main situation is that someon that you trusted treated you very badly. He was more concerned about getting his sexual pleasure from skin-on-skin than he cares about your feelings.
You know this. That is why you cried.
He broke your relationship. He broke your trust. And on top of that he hurt your feelings.
This is the only thing you need to say:
“I will never have sex with you again.”
Bro, bribing your daughter is next level. Btw, bless your daughter for telling you right away. Keep the trash at the curb. Not too often you see a relationship comment section fairly unanimous. This one seems to be. The exclamation mark is how your relationship with daughters improved after she left. This one is easy my friend. She should never be your wife again.
This!!!! Also I don't thing it's nice to ask for anal while you're doing P to V bc it's not the moment to talk about it. He is testing the waters to see if when she is aroused she will say yes. This kind of conversation is the kind of conversation you have with a glass of wine on the sofa and you talk for hours about boundaries, how to try it, if you're sure… So for him to comment on something that serious for you while you're having sex is just so fucking rude. In the end, it looks like you are “giving up” because you want him to stop talking about this, but it's not enough for him. Also, natural anal sex always involves preparation and lube. Nobody sticks it in without caring for the other person.
Sounds like sex really matters to him.
IMO; establishing what you're looking for in a relationship is healthy communication. Neither of you wastes your time. Surgery-wise, it's not like you're stressing him. He may feel frustrated or pent-up, but nothing serious or long-term.
Let her be in peace and leave her. She does not deserve for you to waste her time with false promises. She will be happier in the long run without you. It is unfair to her if you remain with her.
Not to mention she tried to gaslight you by claiming you're the paranoid one.
She’s with us 85% of the time. When we’re at home, she’s with us in his room, although she has her own. If our relationship is not nurtured where he isn’t able to divide his time evenly, Idk that this will work.
I would discuss what happened in the first place. Ask why she left out of nowhere
Tell her it's her behavior that is rude and it's manipulative of her to say otherwise.
You need sleep and if she's in bed with you she's sleeping, otherwise kick her out of bed. She can tik tok on the couch. When she protests, it's the consequences of her waking you up.
Dude seriously, SHE is the selfish one here, you've only been with her for four months, you don't need to be living together, let her go back to stay at her own place so that you can get some sleep, losing sleep is very dangerous to your health.
Which isn’t something courts will just grant unless there’s an adoptive family or a petition filed by someone else. So no, legally he’s probably not within his right to do this.
Wow, this surprised me. How did a thought devolve into separation. I think there's more. You want out. However, do what best for you. In any event, I'm sorry op.
Ps. I wouldn't willing give my husband to someone else if that's not their desire. If I'm going to do that, I'm divorcing pronto!
She’s probably gonna flake cos your texts are too boring +needy + frequent, shud have gone for that kiss if it was on, women don’t like guys who miss the moment
Yah, TikTok is such a personal website. My husband gets comedians, I get women complaining about their abuse, and dog trainers, and I'm trying to get more dancers, and comedies and my son gets political stuff.
Yeah, i'll be taking it slow for now. I'll go for laser treatment. Seems like everything is falling apart again.
Just want to reaffirm what everybody else is saying: This was rape, your boyfriend raped you, and he was lying when he said “I thought you consented.” He didn't think that. He knew that you didn't and decided to have sex with you anyway. And the whole “I'm going to run away because I'm so horrible” was a purposeful attempt to shift the focus from your trauma to his guilt, which is insidious. The fact that he did all of this AFTER you opened up to him about your history of rape & sexual abuse makes his actions even more inexcusable. I'd dump this guy, because it's not going to get better.
Sounds like you need to let this go and move on. Nothing you've written indicates he is interested in being in your life anymore. Don't reach out to him, give him the space he asked for, but you shouldn't be sitting around waiting to hear from him either.
Dont torture yourself with all this over thinking, he's made his position clear, and just close this chapter. It's time to move on.
Your girlfriend isn't your girlfriend any more. And likely never really was if she was having single guys sleep over her place.
So count your blessings and move on man. Doesn't matter if she did anything “wrong” what matters is that she did things that you don't want in a partner, and that's more than enough to dump someone.
Find someone that doesn't have other guys sleep over, especially when drinking. That isn't unreasonable.
You’re on the wrong track. Your dad doesn’t care that you’re a bottom he probably doesn’t know what that even is. But he hates your boyfriend now.
Her moral compass is definitely off.
But, I don't think its a crime to not tell people you have herpes. Herpes has a stigma against it when anyone can get it from more than just sex. And its mostly just a skin rash.
I think in some places it can be considered a crime to knowingly infect someone with HIV because of obvious reasons.
Also, I'd guess your GF has herpes.
I would never have done this with a boyfriend’s parents.
On purpose.
The first time I met my now husband’s parents, we went out to dinner. I was visiting from out of state and their vernacular is different from where I’m from. The waiter asked if he “could fill me up” and I responded with a horrified excuse me??? making my future mil do a spit take. He just meant give me a refill on my drink but that’s not what I understood. Embarrassing. A few days later, our flight back home was cancelled at the last minute and we had to get a hotel for the night, to which his parents were nice enough to give us a ride. It was named something like the Concourse and my mil started giggling and saying how appropriate the name was. No one understood what she meant and she realized she’d misread the sign and it was the Concourse Hotel and not the Intercourse Hotel as she’d thought. It’s all a big joke 20+ years later but it was an awkward first meeting
So because you’ve met a bunch of nerds you infer a bunch of things OP hasn’t written and assume he’s like them.
This is a you problem that has nothing to do with OP.
Sounds like you need to learn no means no ….. You ignoring her saying to stop or no is a Big ole red flag in the face. Sounds like you are just gonna start being a part of her trauma… Poor girl
I want to get serious with her
How do you do that? Worry your whole vacation if he will propose? Why do you need a time frame? So you can have anxiety about it those whole 6 months? 1 year? 3 years? Ugh that sounds so stressful. Just propose to him at this point.
The definition of “if he wanted to, he would”.
I do not believe staying in a relationship just for children… especially if it is a poor example of a healthy relationship.
However… it seems like you haven’t tried to actually address the issue… you realized it would t resolve itself and sort of gave up. That is not a good trait.
I suggest, 2 things… 1- talking to her about your concerns for your future. Do not blame her… tell her how you feel. “Hi sweetheart. Can we chat, I have been feeling really overwhelmed and wanted to work through something with you” “I feel xyz lately. I know you are doing a lot of work and I am happy to do my part but I am concerned about how we will be a team once the baby is here. Can we talk through this? It would really help me.”
2-start going to a therapist. Talk about your concerns… perhaps conflict avoidance (if I read this correctly). And I mean avoiding healthy ways to resolve conflict… not actual fights… fights are actually a cowardly way out because you get to avoid any self reflection.
Lastly… this is scary. Don’t shut down. Even if you do break up, you will need to work through very hard things together. It is better to do this now rather than later.
That’s because she literally claims she made him wait, that’s how she talks about the time before they had sex. check out her post on marriage about it
Just be honest with her and tell her that you don't feel OK about the homework and cheating situation stuff. Either she will try to respect you more or she will decide on her own that she doesn't want to be friends anymore (but either option is a win for you).
No one has a gun to your head. You make the choices you on-line with. You choose to live there.
32 yo male here. I find this repulsive but that's just my 2 cents.
There's nothing wrong with asking about a long term relationship after 6 months. You can ask where this is going and what his plans are for his life and whether it includes you, marriage and family or not. Moreover, you can tell him what you want in your life and see if he agrees with you or not.
There are so many different types of relationships in our culture; casual hookups, FWB, situationships and all sort of other types, deciding which kind you want and making it clear to your partner is nothing bad. You will know if it's a waste of time with him or not, if he's honest. about it.
If you are not satisfied, move on. Don't waste you time with someone who is not ready to discuss it, or is not honest about his plans.
The only question he has to answer is if he is willing to move forward if his parents don’t accept you. As someone who comes from a more conservative background I can understand how the parents’ judgement will weigh on him.
Just looking at friends and their relationships if he ever says that he is trying to convince them and once that is done you both will be happy together, understand that it is probably a pipe dream. There is no convincing that way. He needs to accept that his parents are always going to be against your union, no matter how wonderful you are.
The question he should answer is if he’ll be with you despite his parents wishes. If the answer is yes, then you’re good. If he doubts that, then you can see this relationship for what it is.. temporary.
Ditch the dude. Find someone who doesn't treat you like an air head.
Did a 16 yrold write this?
I hope so, I think I fell in love too soon too hard because right now it feels like my body is on fire or I’ve dissociated from my self. It just feels like I’m in a daze.. am I being dramatic? 🙁
Why are you grieving? You should be doing a fuckin' dance.
No shit and no one is saying otherwise. People are calling out your restraining order comment.
You have to decide who the idiot is here.
Him because he is one.
You, because you're staying there and not leaving immediately.
Or both of you?
Just tell them straight up “Im going to cheat on her, are you sure about this?” if they want it still after that then they made their choice. ??♀️
Reddit isn't letting me see all the comments right now, but one from my notifications asked for more context but I can't reply, because well, I can't see the original comment. But for example, if I say something he'll like repeat it like he's trying to be me, like in a weird voice. Sometimes when I say things or tell him something he'll call me a goofy name, like “you're such a meatball.” It's never really more that just small things like that, but it happens a lot.
Friends trip or singles trip? Her boyfriend is not a friend too?
he believes that as long as he’s wearing a suit, incorporating a few supethero elements shouldn’t be a problem
I’m confused. Is he wanting to wear a COSTUME like you would wear on Halloween, or is he wanting to wear a regular suit with normal accessories that happen to be nerdy – socks, cufflinks, tie etc? Is he wanting costume-y accessories like a cape or mask? Is the suit in question a typically normal color (black, blue, tan) or is it bright green with question marks all over it?
Costume is obviously a no, anything insanely attention grabby is no, but nobody cares if he wears Superman socks or cufflinks with his normal suit.
It’s okay, we get it, you are deflecting… we know you are Op’s husband… it’s time to give the jig up sir!
They weren’t the same questions. I don’t mean to spam anyone, just getting some different answers from different people, that’s all
I don’t think marriage is a good idea. Ask yourself if you’re willing to deal with this for the rest of your life.
i would consider the first move as making it clear that you’re interested in something more that a friendship. not just insinuating but making it very clear.
and yea i agree, i know that you shouldn’t take internet ideas and run with it, but i always see on tiktok and other social media platforms that guys know very quickly if they want anything to do with a girl and that they would always try and make a move or make it clear to the other party. this is probs why i was questioning whether it was worth me even trying
“i caught him texting escorts, so i want to get married to fix things. or break up. i dunno.”
lolololol no
OP Please read again your post and please think if this is the kind of life you want to have, looks like in the end you are always the one who makes changes to keep the relationship and he does nothing, for example he didn't go to therapy, he didn't delete his social media.
Every relationship has its ups and down but you don't have to beg to be loved, you don't have to beg to be in a relationship, if takes so much effort to be together maybe is time to end it. There is no trust in this relationship and things are just going to be worse in the future.
Leave this relationship, keep going to therapy and learn about codependency, stay away for a while of dating and relationships until you are in a better mental space and learn to read these red flags.