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Room for on-line sex video chat Katy__A
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Birth Date: 1994-05-24
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Date: December 21, 2022
Marion County in Florida.
He probably was told to put it down but animal control might not follow up, or he moved, or chafed cities.
Then he very clearly said
then I’ll probably move back to where friends and family are so we should keep in touch.
Putting you directly in this category. You are a friend. Nothing more.
Yup. Getting tired of these questions.
I’ve decided to tell her on Monday. I’m trying to get through the holiday myself & I’ll just put the bullshit off until after.
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He knows that it’s disrespectful and hurtful, and he doesn’t care. Take it for what it is. He will do what he wants, whether that means disrespecting or hurting you.
Divorce time. Even if she hasn't physically cheated, mentally she has. It's only a matter of time.
In any case, she's flirting with another man, after telling her that it's a line in the sand to talk to him again. And you're going to go to a mediator??
She's making a fool of you bro.
Respect yourself, coz she sure as hell isn't.
Move on bud.
He probably compromised everything to be with her even saying no to kids just for her.
If there's no other signs of something strange going on, and the husband is cool with how close you two are, I wouldn't read too much into it. I'd personally interpret that as a joke. A hyperbolic way of letting you know that they think of you as real friends, not just neighbours, and still want to see you after you move.
You can ask him. Even if nothing changes, he’s done nothing wrong nor does it have to mean anything. But you get to decide that.
Your gift was thoughtful and practical, and not even something that he asked for. You used your brain to come up with something good for him (which he will hopefully realize when he uses it) and he bought you (with your debit) something you said you wanted.
Don’t. If you go through with it beside defrauding the government you’d be financially responsible for her. She says she doesn’t want to come back but if she did, and decided to get into debt that’s on you to pay for. The government doesn’t fuck around with it. Make a clean break.
I am dying to know what the bail money will be!
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why are you dating her? (good answers only)
Yikes. PTSD and trauma responses come to mind. I’m anxious af and online in a city like this…BUT if I was ever that close I would need to revisit my therapist, which I HATE to do. But that’s what I feel she needs and is her responses. Good on you for wanting to help her. ?
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Tell her about the time you nearly cheated. This may show her how much the situation is affecting you, or she may break up with you.
Either way, you can not stay in this relationship unless she wants to change. However, it sounds to me that she does not like sex and for me, this is a deal breaker. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who didn't like it.
Past life?
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Apologize Hiding will make it worse
Is it possible that she isn't actually masturbating while sexting? Back when I was single, I would sext with people from the gonewild subs. And I would tell them all this sexy stuff I was doing, but in reality I was just doing dishes or sitting at my desk working. The conversations were fun and interesting, but I wasn't getting off despite telling them I was
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It's like when a stray dog or cat sticks around. Over time they become your pet ☺ so it's kind of a good thing.
I guess on the other end, it could mean he feels like he settled. If this is why, then you won't really know until you both get in your 40s and 50s and mortality starts to sink in.
but don't want to destroy their relationship. But want to be with both of them
Thats not happening now so get used to co-parenting with a man whose partner hates you and has reason to.
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Sorry, just to check:
Did your friend know how much you liked this woman?
Did you make your intentions clear (really liked her/wanted a relationship/was sexually interested) to the woman, or were you guys more like friends?
Before your friend told you, what happened between you and the woman? Did you guys keep dating, did she ghost you, did she say she just wanted to be friends?
I don't know if the answers to these makes much difference, as them keeping it a secret from you was pretty scummy, but if they genuinely were ignorant about your feelings towards her, then I can see how they could start dating and not think of the impact on you.
Always best to have a mortgage that can be paid on one salary.
Or, you could float the idea of adding roommates. Split rent that way.
Honey, you’ve got three options 1. Get a better job asap 2. Online with roommates 3. Sell the home
What’s it gonna be?
PS: if she’s this shit at managing her finances, that doesn’t bode well for future saving/retirement/credit card bills…
Good luck OP
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Totally. They’re using each other. Her for money and comfort and him for young pussy and status.
Creepy af and will probably not last 5 years. But I agree she should definitely make it uncomfortable for them without it being obvious. Definitely good advice.
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Your dad has pussy blinders on. I know it sucks for you, and I empathize so much. But men are so weak when they’re in this midlife crisis phase.
Honestly if I were you, I would just take your dad to the side and be honest with him. Tell him how you really feel. And tell him its you or her. Because it is. She’s just gonna keep treating you like dirt, and you’re just gonna get more and more resentful until something breaks.
Tell your dad she’s using him, she’s gonna ditch him as soon as she gets tired of him, and you’d love for him to make the right choice and choose you now, instead of crawling back once he’s fifty, divorced again and a lot poorer.
I’m the end, though, it’s up to him. And he’ll probably choose her. Pussy blinders.
Why is he the one that needs to change? In most climates one shower per day is enough tbf. Sure, if you online in hard and humid climates more might be needed, even more than two.
Perhaps his skin will get fucked if showering two times per day?
You have no idea what she called him. Did she call him dirty? Is being called a germaphobe an unreasonable response then?
Doubt he needs to be “domesticated”. You really look down on people do you?
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Yea… you sound largely Co dependant and clingy. With that said I think she's trying to ghost you out, and updating her tinder is kinda a clear beak up, especially if you guys have agreed to be exclusive.
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Not the main issue, not revealing you’re in a relationship is a huge red flag. OP is justified. She’s seeking attention at the expense of her relationship
Your husband has an addiction. Treated the same as any other addiction. If it’s negatively affected your life and it’s going to negatively affect your baby, then he needs to get it under control or you’re gonna leave. You can’t control what he does, only he can. You can control what YOU do. Your choices are to either make it clear to him that this is unacceptable, let him make a choice, and then you follow through with the consequences of his choice (leaving him). Or you can get over it and deal with it.
That other comment asking why you decided to try and have a baby? It was harsh, but true. It sounds like you made a choice to make a massive life change, and to do all of the things that go along with it (not smoking, drinking, thinking about your future with a baby in the house) and you just hoped he would decide to grow up when you made those choices. Well, he’s not and you need to do something about it. He’s already being disrespectful of you. He WILL smoke in the house when the baby is around. He WILL continue to get mad when you “don’t leave so he can smoke” and avoid social gatherings where he can’t. He will make excuses the child’s entire life that will prioritize when and how he can smoke if he doesn’t take action to fix it. It will effect your relationship and your child. And even if he agreed to (lied to you about) stopping while you are pregnant, he def thinks this is temporary and not thinking about the literal human you will be responsible for in less than 9 months.
This is coming from someone who LOVES to smoke weed and drink and go out and have fun and do whatever I want that’s the REASON I don’t want to try and have kids because you have to change all that. That’s what you do when you have kids. You make sacrifices from your own personal life for their benefit. For him, it’s smoking and being present and respectful of you. For you, it might have to be your relationship.
I think better still that might make her dad feel icky
She is full of shit. I'm sorry, but “oh, I didn't mention that I fell in love with my coworker and left him for you” is just A+ quality bullshit. In what world is she justified in not telling you that?
Also, 100 bucks says that she didn't “decide she wanted to be with me still”, but in fact they broke up and she thought, whelp, might as well try going back.
Also, can I just say that it cracks me the fuck up when cheaters say “Oh, it'll never happen again” like you're supposed to fucking trust them
Yeah I do tend to worry a lot and overthink a lot ? would he notice me being too worried now? I hope not…
Maybe I just need to wait til he reaches out first. Now I’m thinking my last message was a bit weird. I just said I just got home babe and he responded with Okido thanks for your message and I said you’re welcome ? bit of a dry message from my side
He’s emotionally cheating if he’s sexting other women.
You need to divorce. Forcing you to have a child is abusive. You lying about it is an attempt to get away from this abuse or you lying to avoid a major disagreement. It's not actually clear fr this post. Either way, you need to leave. He wants a child. You don't. You are fundamentally incompatible. Rather than pointing fingers or trying to justify how great a wife you are, accept that this relationship no longer meets either of your needs.
Not sure how big of a red flag you need but…
I think it’s pretty clear Amy is not interested. But allow Sarah to find someone who isn’t hung up on another woman. Let her find someone head over heels that can’t wait for the day he puts a ring on it. That ain’t you bud.
I see it the same. Therapist did not manifest a theoretical marriage deal breaker. It was real, and active. Wife brought it up, as in current. Therapist extrapolated to logical conclusion that the wife proclaimed would be the likely outcome. Not sure the therapist was in the wrong.
Men are incredibly powerful beings. That’s something I think you knew but didn’t fully appreciate till you actually saw it first hand.
I don’t think he ever intended on hurting you. Just keep in mind that that strength is what he uses to protect you, to hold you, to love you. It’s there for you not against you.
OP just doesn’t listen to her at all is what it sounds like. In one ear and out the other if it isn’t exactly what he wants to hear.
You and your ex boyfriend are exclusive while you’re broken up?
Seems implausible. You’re not taking a break if you’re exclusive, those things are not possible at the same time. Either you’re dating and working through issues to improve your ongoing relationship, or you’re broken up and sleeping with your ex.
I say this because it doesn’t sound like the status of your relationship, or the communication within it, is crystal clear. I would start with that conversation. I wouldn’t start by bugging him about his phone usage. The phone isn’t the source of the problem, the miscommunication is.
I could see that it might work for some women, but you don't seem to be one of them. He's probably not going to drop the idea, so you may be incompatible.
“Haha fuck around find out” bruh the point is he willingly decided to use that kind of force on her at all Bc his ego was hurt
Bro she blocked you. She isn’t interested. She said she’ll contact you when she’s ready so until/unless that happens (and don’t count on it) move on.
Total agreement if OP finds that it’s intriguing and can get comfortable with it. the fun of wrestling for me was having a test of strength with a guy (my guy!) who has all of my trust. We have our safe words and “stop” is also a good enough safe word, but it is also fun for him to pick me up (when I consent! + am having fun; which is also an important and separate consideration) and give me a safe toss, and I like surprising him that I am stronger than I look! My pup is a good referee who wants to jump in and defend his mama by shaking his butt or just inserting himself between us, which helps
BUT
If it’s not fun play for you? It doesn’t have to be. My favorite thing about my partner (beyond the lust and trust) is that he is my favorite playmate. And we make sure to play games that we BOTH like to play. There are games other than “I want to wrestle and maybe get a little horny and also be like, I have muscles!”
The most important question always is if you feel safe and your partner is listening and not crossing a physical boundary. All up to OP!
Really? I thought that Krav Maga teaches tricks for specific situations rather than broad techniques like other martial arts
If he’s an Alex Jones fan be glad you got rid of him lmao.
I wouldn't touch a willy with a yeast infection
“here is my age gao story. I always add paragraphs and details. What do you think?”
i should dump her and just not let shit slide bc if i do then theyre gonna think it’s ok
I guess we each have our own issues. She does a lot that really twists me up inside. However I think her problem with me is I try not to tell her what's bothering me cause I don't want to make her feel bad and I know she's going through alot but then the stuff builds in me and I always eventually snap at a random rude comment that pushes me to far and I release alot of the stuff I held back from saying. She spends a lot of time with some of her friends and none with me as of the last 2 months and I think she's come to rely on them for support. It hurts me a lot cause I feel like it robs us of our relationship. I believe in a relationship you should learn on each other and help each other through the bad. It's fine to also lean on others. But she doesn't lean on me at all anymore and I feel so lonely and abandoned. I no longer feel comfortable trying to lean on her cause I'm afraid I will topple it all over.
I say be petty.
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God forbid she ever reflect on herself for a single second. Good riddance to her.
UpdateMe!
An LDR in college?? Fuck no, that’s not worth it. College is about learning new things, having new experiences, amd pushing past your own boundaries.
Nothing like an LDR to completely suck the social learning out of the experience
I'd stick it out one more day. Save some money and possibly the relationship and stay the last day. Your aunt sounds crazy and I would never go on vacation with her again. I would slowly limit contact with her before she starts spreading to everyone you are just like your mom. Is any of the drama legitimately your mom's fault? You don't need to say specifically what happened but if your aunt has some right to (still) be upset she'll seem less crazy.
Move on and let it go. She rejected you, meaning she's not interested and thus trying to win her over wouldn't help. Most women don't play hot to get and if they say no, they just want to be left alone.
Move on from her. She probably just accepted and then rejected cause she didn't know how to say it in the moment. Sorry to break it to you, but she isn't the one for you. she doesn't even like you.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP.
It’s brilliant you made copies of everything. You will need this for evidence. and your husband will likely delete everything if he finds out you know.
Then go to 1. Your doctors for STD tests and 2. Your lawyers for advice. 3. Talk to someone close to you who is wise and trustworthy about what you want to do next
I agree. As long as you're not going to do it again I don't see any point in telling the gf.
But I agree you should discuss your kinks if she's a sex positive person. If she's not it may not go well.
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Also, maybe you should talk to someone about your feelings within a relationship. I am not one to judge you, but you are much more strict than most about your behavior in a relationship.
This added stress might be what is causing these possible anxiety attacks.
That fiancé of yours sure does know how to prioritize his own needs and wants no matter what's going on around him. Do you really want a family with him? I suppose you do. I'd reconsider the whole thing at your place.
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not changing anything about today means tomorrow is going to be the same.
bam
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Hesitant, nervous, never mentioned “hey babe so and so here with me, say hi” , when pressed he reluctantly turns his camera and you see this female next to him under some blanket, should of told her or him to remove the blanket and for him to pan down to his crotch so you can see the level of undress and erection. He has all the reation of a guilty man that's been caught.
You don't need to be a UN embassador to know someone named Helly Hanson is probably Norwegian and less likely French.
I think the main question here is : we’re your children harmed by this?
I can name a bunch of things that children may not be harmed with but still shouldn’t happen. That’s not saying what mom and grandma did was wrong it’s just a bad way to make a point about this
JFC lady, it was a joke. And a funny one at that.
Sounds like you have some deep rooted issues from your childhood and past relationship to have this comment hurt you so much. Maybe therapy?
As a side note, when you get overly emotional about jokes, it’s going to start taking a toll on your relationship, because he’ll end up feeling like he constantly has to walk on eggshells with you. And if he can’t make innocent jokes without you spiraling, you are going to come across as manipulative/overly sensitive and he’ll end up resenting you. I assume you don’t want that.
It’s fine to have boundaries, but those boundaries should be rooted in practicality. It’s not practical for him to have to constantly be worried about innocent jokes he’s making.
Be happy that he’s comfortable enough around you to make those jokes. I assume you’re smart enough to differentiate between innocent jokes and passive-aggressive/mean ones?
You shouldn’t be with this boyfriend. He is not supportive of you. Tell him what you did. That way he will break up with you and set you free to find someone better.
Right :') well her birthday is on 2nd June I guess I'll give it more time.
Your problem is that you're a 31-year-old man, you're married, you're about to be a father, and yet your decision-making is still based on “I can't upset Mummy.”
Stop giving her input into your life. If she doesn't like what you and your wife choose to do, that's her problem. If you don't like spending time with her, stop spending time with her. If she's not going to be a good influence on your kid, don't let her be around the kid.
You are an adult. Act like one.
You could be right. I'm not sure I've ever seen any stats on that. For the women I know who have been abandoned like that, it happened pretty quickly, like diagnosis Tuesday, packing his bags Wednesday, but that's anecdotal of course.
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He says it’s okay if I don’t want to do but that he want to. He brings it up during sex
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This is true, interesting how you found this out. Can you expand more on your thoughts please
It happened for a reason.
You’re a 30 year old expecting a 21 year old to manage your anxiety by texting more often. You’ve only been dating a few month, jeez, I’d feel completely smothered and turned off if I were her.
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I don't blame you for wondering why, but I do think you've dodged a bullet.
Going through this discussion chain that's the vibe I got from you.
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A good friend wouldn't be asking her what she finds in you to want her to stay! That's kind of messed up. She should be with you because she likes you! Not because you do special things for her.
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If she even occasionally visits and witnesses his behavior, then the point still stands. Interesting that thats the only thing you responded to. If you have access, I sincerely recommend therapy. You're justifying a relationship that is so clearly unhealthy.
Updateme!
Is there a chance he is gay? It sounds like he wants to explore his fantasies using your body?
Hon, if you feel as though there is no way to move forward in your relationship if you don't do this then there really is no future for you in this relationship as it sits now..You should be able to say no to whatever without feeling guilty for it.
You cannot continue to damage your child because your wife changed her mind on parenting. Your daughter knows that you’ve stopped seeing her, getting her gifts, talking to her. Are you happy abandoning your daughter? Will you be able to online with that decision long term? The only innocent is your daughter. There is no guilt for talking to her, seeing her, buying her things, providing for her, or supporting her. She existed before your wife and through no fault of her own. You need to make some hard decisions about why you’re with your wife if this is a decision you’re willing to let her put on you. You will regret choosing her over your daughter for the rest of your life. My guess, your wife isn’t happy and wants to end it with you. So you’ll lose both your wife and kid anyway. Fix your life and your obligation to the child you fathered.
The stripper thing is trashy and his friend could have just ordered them and not told your BF but the 2 whole days of not calling or texting is unacceptable if you online together. People have benders it's not super out of this world but he's definitely grown enough to not do this. If you won't tolerate it then don't and leave him. If he's sorry for going off the rails and just got lost in his head and in his vices and understands what he did was fucked maybe consider staying? Did he cheat on you with the hookers or was he just being sleazy?
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Sounds like it's a pretty easy decision for her. She sounds to me like she's trying to take everything despite being the cheater. I'm going to advise talking to a lawyer fast. It can't hurt and could help a lot.
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I'm 90% positive you aren't pregnant. If you consistently miss pills, you may be getting a light period. See your doctor, get tested, and go from their. Abortion is your choice, not his, even as the father. You can't be forced into it.
DHMFA! He's an abusive POS. I bet he has done this to everyone he's ever dated. Your past doesn't hurt or affect him in any way. There are better men out there. Being alone would be better than being with this asshole.
UPDATE : I’m at the airport walking through security, so far i’m safe. Thank you to everyone who is here for me it means more than I can say, those were the hardest 3 days ever
Just for your information
I don't cry much in public. I hate it. People have used it when I was much younger to attack me and manipulate me. So I taught myself to hold it in and never show when I'm sad in public, and now when I do it turns to anger because I feel vulnerable. Yes I am female.
By telling your wife you don't want to be manipulated by her crying, you have basically told her that she is not allowed to be vulnerable around you, that you aren't safe to be vulnerable around. She can't let herself down and feel her emotions because you will react as if it is an attack on YOU. I don't know how you fix this. I just know that if you want a happy and successful marriage you badly need to. I hope you figure it out.
I'm also allergic to everything and this guy's justifications make no sense at all. If she wears perfume and “needs to shower it off before bed”, then he should have an issue with it during the day? And like I said in my own comment below, it's actually very difficult to find shampoo/conditioner/body wash that is unscented, so he is likely introducing a great deal more scents into his bed by forcing her to bathe right before bed. None of this makes any medical sense and therefore sounds like it's an issue of control or maybe some other mental illness.
I doubt she enjoys sex more than you, sir.
Radical honesty is the new “Accept me for me.” …even when me is a self-obsessed asshole. Your (29M) sounds like a (9M). Good luck OP.
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He was showing you by his lack of effort that he wasn't into you. You didn't miss him, you just missed having someone give you even a scrap of attention. What you deserve from a partner is a lot more than what he was giving you.
Try looking for someone locally that you can really gdt to know in person. Raise your standards and don't settle for someone who's idea of a relationship is to ignore you.
She’s a bully, antagonizes fights out of nowhere and try’s to hold power over you…. It ain’t getting better from here on… believe me… I hope you have your car back and friends and family who can take u in… show her, she can’t treat u like that… don’t be a doormat..
He's making choices to show how little your boundaries mean to him. Your relationship status doesn't change the fact that he is molesting you. It won't get better in the future and he is just doing it to control you. Don't blame yourself he knows what he's doing. You deserve respect which to me is an important part of love. I would really encourage you to leave this relationship. It's so evil to hurt the person you should love the most and I'm angry for you. If you online together take all your things when he's gone and find a temporary place to stay for the time being. Sending you a virtual hug! ?
They should probably address cognitive empathy in therapy but that’s just my guess, I’m not her therapist
Seriously. I'm convinced you're a troll. He's not a good guy or a good dad. You're either a troll or just prime target for a bad guy. Either way, you won't listen to any reason cause you're either a troll playing a game or you're young and gullible with your head in the sand
Your mother is a disgusting racist and you owe it to yourself and your partner to distance yourself from her as much as possible.
My point of view is that your marriage is bad and you're getting divorced.
Tell them you have covid. Should buy you a couple of weeks freedom where you can hole yourself up in one of the rooms.
if a therapist actually said, don't talk to your sister in front of your bat shit crazy wife, he needs a new therapist.
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Of course it’ll be hot but which hard do you want for your kids? One that shows healthy co-parenting (hopefully) where you are happy and they see that, or two unhappy parents just sticking around for them and all they see is unhappiness. We want to be good role models for our kids, not show that suffering is just how it is.
I think you're jealous but honestly on some occasions I would be too, especially 1. The problem with me would be, I could have no problem my SO having contact with someone they slept with or had a fling in public and with other people, but in the car alone that's not the case, they are alone in an enclosed space and it's not that I wouldn't trust, it's that it makes me uncomfortable and I think not being alone with someone you slept with is not a difficult thing to achieve.
The second one is purely drunk behavior. Does he usually get drunk like this? That may be your problem. But I think a lot of people do lean on anybody when drunk.
The third one I get where you're coming from because he started using the lip balm as a flirt tactic (ooo it's like indirect kissing joke) and then he handed it to a random girl. To me the biggest problem here is HOW DISGUSTING this is. Girl, she could have herpes and her mouth could have been anywhere.
You seem insecure, like many people are. I am speculating but it seems like the unwillingness to accept some of your concerns and reassuring you is hurting you. I agree that you should work on yourself, but I think an honest conversation and thinking about compromise is important too.
(Just an example for the first one, I know a girl at my former job, we had a co-worker she slept with when she was a teen, she is 30 now, but she calls her bf when she is alone in the car with him (they carpool) because it reassures her that he is more comfortable and now they are all friends and joke around. It may not be the solution but certain things can be tweaked to make certain things more comfortable, but this isn't mandatory).
If he's not gonna cheat with this if he doesn't hire her he will find someone else. You don't trust this man and you have good reason to. You've broken up several times. This is not a healthy relationship. I'd think about soem therapy for yourself so you can get self respect and regain self confidence. You keep women away from him will not keep him from cheating. He will just hide it better. Do you really want to be with someone where you have to forbid contact with women our of (justified) fear of him cheating??
Don’t do anything? It’s a crazy story you can tell people if you want, but the dude is a creep, and you should never have any contact with him again.
Same. I basically stopped reading after that.
You're a grown woman dating a teenager. Find someone your own age. I would say this to a man, and I am saying this to you. There is nothing that you and this 19 year old have in common that you can't find from someone your own age.
Here is a good rule of thumb: She comes/cums first.
If you think they didn't have sex you're deluding yourself. Guy picked up your girl infront of you at a club 2 weeks beforehand and she disappears with him for days. “What should I do?”
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Your naïveté is still affecting you. He’s taking advantage of you and your people pleasing right now. Leave him & get therapy. He’s a racist alcoholic & emotionally abuses you. That doesn’t get better with time or any amount of effort from you.
Oh yes, he better let her down gently just in case she goes to HR and complains he's no longer flirting with her.
?
Anti-depressants, just like anti-nausea meds, raise prolactin levels. In men, prolactin is strongly related to refractory period which is why impotence/libido is a noticeable side-effect. In women, prolactin levels are related to breastfeeding which is why milky discharges are a common side effect for women (and one particular anti-nausea med is used when one wants to induce lactation).
‘she has a rent free home.’ What does that mean?
I am social by nature, and I always take the time to complement somebody because life is too short to not recognize how beautiful somebody is. My girlfriend is well aware of this, and she actually supports it because she believes the same there’s a difference between friendly and flirtatious, and at the end of the night as long as you communicate, and you are honest, you will always go home with the woman you love.
I think the best quote that I’ve heard is “you can always sample the Buffet, but your main meal is always at home “
what are your exceptions?
Context: I don’t judge or condemn her for it. Verbally I’ve never said anything to her about it. She’s unaware, I deal with this internally because I know not to judge or condemn her when I’m not a saint
There are MLMs that do sex toys, is it possible that she's been sucked into one of those trying to make some extra money in her retirement?
If so, she might be trying to get rid of the extra stock she has.
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fair, I’ll try and use his face to open his phone when he’s sleeping
Let her and her therapist have each other. Stop bending backwards
I love ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤️the blanket my sister made me, but I also love the weight of blankets and cannot comprehend having so little space as to have a blanket cause this much concern
I didn’t say they did. I just gave an explanation as to why it matters to some people. OPs boyfriend is a racist Misogynist pos.
Lmaoo
if you are in the US and you plan to be together and have kids, not signing a paper at the the courthouse is way way more hassle than it's worth. it's way easier to get divorced than it is to not get married.
not splitting the premiums on insurance alone makes it worth it
You can’t control what he think or how he acts. I know it’s so hot, but you have to let him go or at least give him space. Respect his boundaries. Not everyone is cut out to handle people with mental illness. I wish you good health and happiness!
This might be hot to hear, but you should stop talking to your ex. You can’t successfully rehab if you’re still hanging with the drug dealer.
See a professional and focus on yourself.
As someone who openly thinks age gap relationships can be creepy I say that it’s your decision. I don’t get it at all, but as long as your partner isn’t being abusive then there isn’t anything technically wrong with that. I would say however that this does change a few things, mostly around kids and the fact that he will probably pass while you are still in good health (morbid thought but it is one considering if you plan to stay with him long term).
That's what I was thinking. Inappropriate behaviour was one of the things that alerted us to my grandfather's dementia.
Girrrrrllll. He’s that way because he is an old ass man dating someone half his age. You leave him, he doesn’t have a lot of fish left in the sea unless he’s got buckets of money. Stop playing into his childish bullshit. I would say leave but you will do that eventually because the older man shit gets old as hell, especially an old man who’s got an attitude and emotional maturity of a toddler. You will not change him. He’s been this way for over 60 years.
He doesn’t love you, sorry. If he did he wouldn’t be able to cheat on you and he definitely wouldn’t be blaming you for not “getting over it”.
He’s scum. Break up and find a decent man who will love and respect you not this nasty POS.
This should be the honeymoon phase of your relationship. And you already broke up and she was probably cheating on you. How can you think it will get better? Also, take care of not getting her pregnant
She might still have it,
But it’s none if your business or concern,
Perhaps you should visit a club yourself and take that stick out your arse
Her and I cut ties about 8 hours ago.
Absolutely.
Your feelings are very valid. Trust in your relationship has been diminished. If he refuses to acknowledge his actions hurt the very foundation of your relationship, how are y’all going to move forward?
Actualy there are some decent people here. Sorry if you have had different experience than mine using the website. What I meant by the best place, wasn't referring to reddit itself, but the best sub on the website in my oppinion for such type of enquiries.
Unless you got some rizz, I’d take the L on this one. Especially considering it’s LDR rn. Those are already hot to maintain and if the girl is already getting upset at you, who knows what kinda arguments you’d have if you both continue chatting/dating long distance. I’d try to mend things over, but don’t break your back doing so
To me it seems like either an in depth conversation about break down of duties was not had before moving in together orrr you're changing the way that things have always worked.
Either way, it doesn't seem like things are working. He seems to have his stance and you seem to have yours.
Insurance benefits are out because of domestic partnerships. For workers comp or wrongful death claims – are you saying insurance companies won’t look at the beneficiary information you’ve chosen? Cause I’m calling bullshit on that.
What makes you think all these pregnancies were choices? People can be careful, use protection, and still get pregnant.
Based on the fact OP has given him absolutely no reason to doubt her. Based on the fact he’s quite clearly inappropriately close to his ex considering they were planning this secret DNA test behind her back.
He’s obviously behaving in a shady way , instead of speaking to OP about his concerns openly he has been airing them to his ex instead.
Someone who suspects a perfectly innocent person of cheating is almost always doing something they shouldn’t be themselves and therefore projecting.
I have considered this, and I am very concientious about how she likes to keep the flat. When I am staying over I do the majority of the chores (cooking, washing up, making bed etc). She does like to keep a very clean home and it was a bit of an adjustment for me to do things to the standard which she likes, but overall she does trust me with the housework to the standard she likes.
Not the person you replied to, but no, I'm not showing anyone any RAWs, that's just not how it works. If you insist, I'm just going to drop you.
Put airpods under the seat
Trust isn't a thing you can just force because you want it, it's the culmination of two trustworthy people acting in trustworthy ways. She's not trustworthy though. You now know that you absolutely can't trust her. It's up to her to decide if she even wants to change that, but you don't have to stick around and find out.
Trust isn't a thing you can just force because you want it, it's the culmination of two trustworthy people acting in trustworthy ways. She's not trustworthy though. You now know that you absolutely can't trust her. It's up to her to decide if she even wants to change that, but you don't have to stick around and find out.
Why? Seems normal to wake up a trusted person for support after a very upsetting incident. OP and her brother are siblings and friends. If that happened to me I wouldn’t just go to sleep I would wake up a person (spouse, sibling, friend) to talk about and get some support. As a 25 year old I would have gone to a friend before my parents in this situation. Unless I had that relationship with my parents, that seems weird to me. Now I’m curious about how you came to your take. You mentioned what authority did the sister have? Why does that matter right then? He is a 25 year old man not a child. He wants support not for his parents to intervene at that time.
Stupid games, stupid prizes
I’ve been having my period double time since COVID lol you don’t know peoples cycles.
Thank you❤️
Why do you want this to work? It's not working. Cheating and child abandonment isn't something you can repair, man. Give you and your kid a better life.
Most people would react the way you did when faced with their partner intentionally doing something equally triggering, autism or not. You are not abusive. It’s good that you plan to discuss it with your therapist and find other solutions for the future, but regardless, your reaction in this situation does not make you a bad person.
I think OP might have an issue getting his brother who doesn’t finish things reading a intermediate philosopher’s work.
No worries dear, I’ve had friends help me with stuff like that and it’s worked well for me. And since your friends are his too, an outside person may do the trick in your case. Stay strong!
Thanks – it just seems like a huge stretch – it's not like I was looking at thirst traps or anything…
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No matter what the age or style of relationship you have, communication is always key. It will help a relationship move forward or drive you to better fields
If u like her, shudnt u be happy about her being obsessed with u?
2 months wasted is better than the years that will be wasted when he keeps making “mistakes”.' He said he was drunk when this happened, but he sure was sober when he reached out to her. End it.
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Uhm what?
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My partner and I started out as fuck buddies. It can work if you’re on the same page. But don’t text that. That is aggressive and weird.
You already knew you had plans with him, even though they were not solidified. You should have talked to him about how he felt about you possibly changing those plans. You dont need his PERMISSION. But you are in a relationship. Checking in when changing plans is pretty standard. I would not be pleased if my SO had said they would do something with me, and then changed plans without seeing if I was ok with that. It’s rude and selfish.
That being said, you dont need his permission to do anything. You both suck
Thanks for the response!
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His dad and brother don't seem to be the problem here. Lumping them into the NC zone hardly seems fair.
Hopefully you two can find a compromise that better tires him out. If you could somehow get her on board, that would be great. Not sure how you’d manage to because she seems at the end of her rope with the dog.
Lol exactly what I was thinking
Have you had any time away from the kid? maybe a weekend in a hotel? date nights? something like that? What have you two done to connect? (non sexually)
You could try that? but like it just doesn't sound like you care that much about her, so I think you should think about splitting.
Two words: Tonsil. Stones.
Updateme
He probably has memory loss from all the times he's sat in the garage breathing fumes lol.
OP, GO HOME. Or go to your family. Get away from her and her family and let her deal with not having you there as her punching bag. If she doesn't change her mind within a week, prepare for a split. Her behavior is not acceptable.
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You need to be higher up. That’s disgusting!! We exercise our dog almost 4 hours and more (on the weekends) each day wtf are people doing with dogs ?!
Sex offender? Research ‚her‘ address a but
Sex offender? Research ‚her‘ address a but
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There’s defiantly alot. I know that you have pinpointed 2 very negatives things about her. But much of them are positive
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That’s what makes cooking so enjoyable. I treat every dinner as if I were in a cooking show. If it doesn’t turn out right, figure out why and try again next time
KNowing how to cook is kind of an essential skill. I think you would really benefit from it.
Funny because my wife has absolute no clue about gardening. I'm the one who manages that.
2nding this. Also…this guy did not fondle your husband…he sexually assaulted your husband. It sounds like he also sexually assaulted your previous roommate.
Swap the genders and think about it. If a woman woke up with a man in her bed trying to “cuddle” her, she'd be terrified and rightfully so. Your only mistake was not cutting this guy out of your life sooner.
Cookings a good life skill to learn. It’s that simple.
The cost of takeaways is increasing. I just got an air fryer for Christmas and it makes fries and crispy chicken. I would say the fries are better than maccas and the crispy chicken is better than KFC. You can still be lazy with your cooking by using an air fryer, and save money for your retirement at the same time.
Yeah I’ve thought of that really i dont know how did i fall for it
the plan is to get me a place so I dont have to “deal” with his family and then see if things get better between us when I am not “in a bad mood” because of them.
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Would it work with these opposing views? No. I agree it is hypocritical that he has no issues having premarital sex but won't move in together before marriage because the bible says so, but it doesn't surprise me. I could be wrong, but maybe it's due to fear of jugdement from his family? Not justifying it, but assuming they're religious and instilled those beliefs in him, they probably wouldn't be supportive of cohabitation before marriage, while it's easy to hide that you two are having sex.
Sure, have that conversation, but if the disagreement persists, which more likely will, I wouldn't devote more time to a relationship that's not going to work out long term.
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Dude do it when the moment feels right, not on a special pre determined date. If you’re petrirified, probably means u know deep down she’s gonna say no
Went to a park to sleep? Who does that?! Red flags
You need to tell your husband and family about it now. I have so many mean words to say to you, but I won't. You're writing as if you're the victim, yet you're the one who reconnected with your old crush and lied about it. Mistake one was adding him on Facebook and messaging him without telling your husband, then going out for drinks and again lying. Then you hid it for years as if you thought it was fine.
You're the worst nightmare for men and are showing the reason they're scared to marry. What's the reasons anymore when there's so many women like you who cheat and hide it, tell your family now they deserve tk know.
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Can't hurt to try and date then, just be aware that people will give you both looks and judge you both
Thanks for the heads up
Definitely not true at all. Even if that were the case then I guess this would be the rare chance like I said where the minority is super wrong.
In this case its not abusive. Him not wanting to talk to her isn’t abusive so you should get that out of her head. Maybe we would have a different story if she was actively trying to apologize and solve it but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
If he wants to not respond to texts during work the day after she did some dumb shit I am all for it.
Eh I let it slide because I'm confident and I know he really cares about my health. But it definitely can be frustrating!
No, you wrote your sister also came and that the guy was your best friend. Two CRUCIAL different details. This doesn't need to be a 1 on 1 situation and this doesn't need to be someone they both don't know.
You do nothing. She presumably wants the job for more money, skill building, or more experience and a relationship of one month doesn't take any precedence over that.
Many people have successful relationships despite busy careers. When there's a will to spend time together, you can find a way.
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We had not even a fight it was him (34M) complementing the lunches his coworkers wife packs him which i (31F) found disrespectful of him to talk to me about that. He asked why its disrespectful but stopped and we went to bed soon after. In the morning while I was making breakfast and packing his lunch I remembered the supposedly amazing lunches his coworker brings and decided to be petty, I didnt even do it fully out of anger, it was also a bit jokey I thought hmm this would teach him to appreciate my lunches more. I put a diaper in his lunch box and no it wasnt full it was a clean diaper that I balled up as if it was full.
Well it seems that i messed up majorly because hes extremely cold, first thing he asked when he came back from work was “do you feel avenged? You satisfied now? Laugh, go on” and went to play with our daughter. He responds if I ask him something but doesnt look at me let alone touch me. This morning when I was making breakfast i went to pack his lunch and he took it from me and told me hed rather starve than take anything I made again.
Hes not responding to texts (like have a good day texts I usually send him) and I just feel very down and I know it was petty but isnt he taking it a bit too hot?
TL;DR: packed a diaper in my husbands lunch and hes taking it worse than expected.
How did you leave? It's so hot l. I'm so confused and hurt.
When I fart, my husband makes joking comments like “Nice” or “Hot.” Because we're adults who understand bodily functions and make jokes out of them instead of shaming the other for them.
Your man is a sad excuse for a partner, and I'm also concerned about the fact that you guys have:
A. Been together for 10 years and he isn't comfortable with you farting.
And
B. You guys were dating when you were 17 and he was 23. That's creepy, hun.
It seems he's upset because he was trying to groom you into this perfect little woman who doesn't do anything “gross.”
I consider that trying to let you down easy.
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Someone also pointed out, the neighbor is also a large strange man in their home alone at night with his wife. He could be a weirdo too, and then what? This could also be an understandable point of worry.
Not necessarily misogynistic. There was a time when republican and douchebag were synonymous. The American political spectrum isn't always so polarized. My dad is a right leaning democrat while my mother is a left leaning republican. My grandfather would complain about immigration yet supported pro choice legislation.
dude, come on. you know this is not normal and abusive. he’s threatened to cheat on you when you choose to not have sex. get out. it will get worse.
I have a machete lol
Yeah I'm pretty sure this is just a troll.
Anti abortion… so he basically doesn’t believe women should have a right to make medical decisions for their own bodies. Got it.
This needs to be up farther. I completely agree with this.
You're gonna get your balls cut off ?
This was wayyyy to convoluted to actually read and answer.
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The condoms you’re using are too small.
People can’t read your mind and what might be super obvious to you might not be to someone else. He does sound like he’s priorities aren’t straight but still, say only what you mean. If you didn’t want him to go I would have straight up said you’d rather he stayed home and didn’t go.
I’m not trying to blame him. Y’all misunderstand me I am doing the opposite and have apologized to him. We already had a lot to drink in the first place. He was much more sober & im much tinier so I figured okay at that point you don’t try to get with a girl that drunk. So the day after when I knew okay we had sex when I was blacked out, I knew that wasn’t okay to do to someone. If you’re a lot more sober you don’t have sex with someone incapacitated. The place I truly got blacked out was his home with the vodka. So beforehand sex was a no-no still however I would’ve been able to say it. After the vodka then no I wasn’t able to consent at all whatsoever but that’s not his fault. Him not knowing that I was COMPLETELY gone is what I’m saying isn’t his fault. Without the vodka he still shouldn’t hVe tried to fuck a girl that drunk. I didn’t eat beforehand I have an ED ??♀️. I feel like I’ve taken responsibility a good bit
Would you be open to going together? Or is she trying to go alone? Maybe, given the things you've said, she wants to go do something fun like you would have done when you first got together.
I cannot help hut find your boyfriends behaviour extremely weird and off-putting. Some casual porn use in a relationship can be fine and if that works for you guys, great, but it seems he's the focus of all the sexual energy in the relationship and that he's using porn as a supplement to you. This doesn't sound like the actions of someone who loves someone else. This doesn't sounds like the deep emotional intimacy and relationship brings.
edit: another thing that sucks— we own a house together and a business. i wish it was easy for me to just walk away but there's so much legal shit that has to go behind it too
Ooof.
I was married at 18.
Breaking up seemed impossible.
Honestly, it hurts. But it’s also a very HUMAN experience. It’s part of life. It’s the subject of most of the songs on the radio.
My questions for you are entirely economic. And I don’t expect an answer. But here’s what I would ask you if you were in front of me.
Do you have any money?
Do you have a job?
Do you have a car?
Do you have a place to go? Family or friends?
Leave tonight. Go now. Unannounced.
Do it for your future self. Your future self will thank you. I promise
My advice is no. You are too young and haven't been dating long enough to make such a lifelong commitment.
Plus, you are in two different arms of the service (Army & Navy). They aren't going to give a shit about stationing you “close” to each other just because you are married.
Dump him. Then break up. Go no contact. He wants the benefits of no partner, so give him those benefits. And be happy that you're teaching your daughter (when she gets older and understands this) that liars are not to be trusted. You don't love him, right? You love the person you, not only thought he was, but the person he pretended to be.
And no, you didn't cause this. That's just what your cheating piece of trash boyfriend has convinced you of so that he can continue to be a cheating piece of trash and you'll keep taking him back because, 'love'.
Rosie O'Donnell and Avril Lavigne had Lyme disease and neither of them ever abused their partners. He's giving you bs excuses. Leave him.
Rent no, because he’s going to have that regardless. Utilities, that seems a stretch, if he’s really struggling, maybe pass him a $20 for water bill, especially if you like Hollywood baths/showers. Do you use extra heat for just you? My oldest comes home and cranks the heat up to 90, because she’s cold. Or if she’s hot, she turns the AC down to 50. If you aren’t doin that, then occasionally a bathroom light on, when he’s also not in the room seems like a cost he could absorb. If you weren’t hanging at his house, or your house, theoretically, y’all would be going out, which costs money, that maybe you’d split the cost of. If he’s struggling hard. Maybe. But I’d have to see where this is coming from personally. My BIL stayed with us for 3 months, I couldn’t tell much of a difference in our water bill, (about $5-6 increase in a month) or electric bill, (still ridiculously high, either way) Definitely did with groceries, however.
No no no no no no no no no no. Are you ready to go through with a divorce right now? Finish basic training first at least. You are both super young and have the rest of your lives ahead of you. Be together as a couple for a while, and if it works out, Great! Live together for a time before you get married. I know there are bonuses and extra family pay being in the military, but don’t rush things just yet
He wants a SAHM and you want to work. Split the difference. Do the SAHM for a set time. Say till the kid is 3 or 4 then go back to work.
Ok thanks, happy new year
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what happens if you don’t like being a full time stay at home mum? it’s relentless, thankless work. are you locked into this agreement?
These are really normal feelings, and people often exaggerate feelings in diaries because they are working them out.
Frankly, I’d be grateful she cares and is mature enough to recognize a random infatuation when she sees one. And I wouldn’t read her journal again.
Do you have any idea how immature you sound right now? Break up with this person who clearly doesn't respect you, but please, grow up.
Yes, it's normal to feel left out in groups when there's a big language barrier like yours. I was in your shoes once. I'm “half French” and used to date an Italian guy. He spoke enough French for us to understand each other, I could hardly speak any Italian and was slowly learning. He was kind of a social butterfly, had a lot of friends so finding myself in situations where I couldn't speak with his friends or participate in conversations was a more or less common occurrence for some time. Didn't feel comfortable at all at the beginning, I used to find myself just standing/sitting there just listening to others speak. But itt wasn't my ex's or his friends fault. It's not like they were rude to me or isolating me on purpose, it was just a natural product induced by the fact I understood very little and was completely incapable to speak their language. My ex was kind, trying to include me as much as he could, but there was only so much that he could do in those kind of settings. It got better with time since my Italian got better. I'm more on the introverted side, but I'm not shy so as soon as my comprehension skills became better I started to speak as much as I could while socializing with his friends. His friends laughed a lot at first, I made so many mistakes while trying to talk that it would create a lot of funny situations. But it was never a mean laugh, they would usually explain to me what I really said and we would end up laughing together. They used to tell me I was brave to speak my twisted version of their language in front of them, not minding what others were thinking. It's not really that I didn't mind at all, but I wanted to get better and the only way I was going to achieve it was by forcing myself to speak. If you're unable to comprehend French at this point, you'll need a lot of patience because it will take you some time to start to speak. The comprehension part must be quite good for the speaking part to start developing. Once you feel you're able to speak, speak as much as you can. Don't be shy or afraid to make mistakes. That being said, you should've skipped on telling your gf in the middle of the event about your negative feelings. I doubt she or her friends excluded you on purpose. They were just trying to have fun. The humor part can be tricky if partners have different native languages too. Certain levels of humor need a high comprehension/speaking level. Sometimes people can never achieve the same level of humorous interaction in any other language, but their own. But top level humor, even if it's important, doesn't need to be such an important part of the relationship. Nevertheless, if you need it to be as good as it can be, maybe dating someone who's not a native English speaker isn't the best thing for you.
You have to be careful, as the shit those kids believe come from adults and those same adults hop their asses on reddit.
You don't owe any of the shit turds an ounce of your friendship, say something to your parents, and get your school counselor/principal involved. Fuck everyone that is trying to invalidate you and stand up for yourself and how you feel.
You aren't homophobic and you like what TF you like. This is what makes society sucks.. Either you have to be 100% in agreement with what others say or nothing, and that makes no sense. Stay safe, and as long as you are not intentionally harming anyone/being malice, you do what is best for you, and you like what you like, just like those “friends”.
It doesn’t sound like he’d agree with you if you told him “we aren’t even dating yet.” That’s the sense I get. Why would he get that hurt over this situation if he didn’t feel committed to you and what I presume he thinks is a relationship?
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You should want the best for yourself more..
Why didn’t you propose then? You have some deeply-held sexist beliefs there.
Imagine unironically saying “chortle” and “weaksauce” in 2023. Also coupled with the “I love when WOMEN are AWFUL here”. Get a life dude.
Thanks for your reply. I would push more right now but the problem is now I’m inherently pissed off at him for not seeming interested in meeting me. Deep down, I don’t want to meet him now because I do not trust him.
Bit of a predicament, eh??
Since she apologised, I’m gonna give her another chance (two more weeks) and if nothing happens I’m gonna mention that I’m fully convinced something is going on.
This is blatantly irresponsible bullshit.
The dog would be being discussed in past tense if it killed my cat. Why the dog did it wouldn't matter. It really doesn't matter anyway, he can't have that dog around kids…ever. I love animals, but that canine is a lawsuit waiting to happen and could severely injure someone. I'd allow him to give the dog away to be a farm dog or something maybe.
I am like soooooo sorry OP. I had some kittens get mangled by a dog when I was in second grade and it scarred me for life. So I know I'm biased, even though I have owned a dog. Poor kitty just minding his business and Cujo suddenly takes his life. I'm sorry for your loss, but F that dog.
It happens more than you know
How old are you?
Or you could just clarify what you mean…? But thanks ig
Everyone else does all of the “household cleaning” that OP claims to do while still working full time jobs. Or caring for children. Or a sick relative.
She is doing 2-4 hours of work each week and pretending that it’s pulling her own weight. It is not.
Cleaning the fucking house and making dinner is not a job. It’s basics that everyone else manages on top of actual life. Actual jobs. Actual care for a child. Real things that do take up 40 hours a week.
Everything that OP does, I do on my lunch breaks while I work from home 45+ hours a week.
It’s not a valid lifestyle when her partner is saying “dude, this is crippling me. You need to find something else to do”.
She does barely anything, and then dumps all emotional expectations on her partner who DOES work and contribute.
Who cares if she’s fulfilled with doing the dishes once a week and sitting like a lump the rest of the time? Her partner is saying it’s not equitable. That’s literally all that matters, and he’s tired of her not pulling her own weight.
Part of a relationship is also being emotionally able to carry your own shit, and she’s refusing. She won’t work or do anything productive, and she won’t stop burdening him with her lame and boring expectations.
I don’t know why you’re so insistent on making excuses for someone who literally does not contribute.
She is lazy, entitled, treating her partner badly, and she makes the rest of us who manage the house look bad.
If her “mental health” is so bad that she needs to lie in bed all day doing the bare minimum and then dump on her partner, it’s on her to seek therapy.
I take pills and see a therapist for my anxiety and depression. But I still have a life that doesn’t revolve around making my husband miserable.
OP just needs to take some responsibility and stop being a parasite.
Make a complaint to those websites about impersonation and identity theft so the profiles are taken down and they are blocked from using the sites. Are you living with your parents? Are you in India or Europe or somewhere else in the world? Because as a North American I would absolutely be telling them that they have violated your privacy and trust and are more concerned with marrying you off then your well being. I wouldn’t be concerned with hurting their feelings because what they have done is incredibly controlling, disrespectful, violating and abusive. Please go to therapy as you have alot of work that you need to do to learn how to stand up to your parents and have boundaries. They are likely part of the reason you are dealing with depression.
This is high school type shit. At 22 he should be over it. If you want to go out with a high school maturity level guy that’s your choice, but you know what you’re getting.
The truth is, he's not enough for YOU. My advice is to put all the details out of your head. It doesn't matter, really, it's all way too much to accept. Please be done with this dirtball.
It sucks because if Jayson ever called Andy’s point stupid, everyone would’ve been on his case.
And yeah they’re doing it to keep the family together and since Jayson is the youngest and the nicest boy ever, they blame him for everything and he stays quite about it.
Your BF should open a Italian Restaurant with all the Marinara flags his tests contain.
If you like him go for it, you’re both legal adults now it doesn’t matter. 24 is still really young
Humor is a good thing to have in situations like this.
Manipulative bullshit. Gross AF. I couldn’t continue with someone who wouldn’t take my own word as proof.
You should be honest with her.
Try to stear her more to spending time with her dad .
She really needs to be with her dad ad much as she can
He will go down fast and she will wish she spent more time Plus she can tell her dad you guys broke up and he can be daddy with his little girl.
Lost my father to cancer. I wish I had more time. She will too.
Nope.
He believed someone who made a move on him without even blinking. How little trust he has in you is awful.
This marriage is over – and staying together for the child won't work.
Therapy might help, but it may not.
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Mmmm I don’t consider myself prudish but I’m not showing my friends man what goes up my hooha. Your bf thought it was weird too – he brushed it off and wasn’t wanting to make a big deal out of it but the comment was enough.
You can ask if they have any hot available friends – that’s normal no for singles?? But the dildos? Nahhh. I might not cut them off – if I thought they were just particularly “free” but they’d be going to the edge of friend rotation.
Watch how she carry’s it now. Meet up once or twice again – try a bigger group. Is she like a heat seeking missing in his direction? Is she flirting or being “innocently” over sexual?! Then you will know for sure.
I’d talk with bf – ask him if he thought she wanted him. Tell him you are hurt bc it’s your friend but that’s what you think and that your going to meet up again and if she keeps it up she’s out.
People out here trying their hardest to break you guys up. Classic reddit. Please take all the time you need and think it through.
One of the purposes of physical intimacy is to create and strengthen emotional bonds. You can't be intimate and just tell yourself to not get feelings, that's not how your monkey brain works.
FWB is always a bad idea because one or both eventually develop feelings and get hurt.
Either make it official or break it off and move on before the feelings get even stronger and you end up with someone you're not compatible with.
She and the guy are much closer in age and maturity levels, and you are the third wheel. She's doing regular things for her age…Next time, date someone who is closer to your age.
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This is sweet. You’ve obviously got great communication skills and know what really matters in a relationship. I’m so glad it worked out for you both.
This is your future, you will continually be lied to while she cheats on you, and you will have that anxiety every time she goes out to do it. Why are you arguing so hot that black is white? Why are you trying to convince yourself that you love someone that betrayed you?
In my experience, it absolutely has to do with her parents being very strict. She got used all her life to it, she learned that telling the truth will usually end up with her being lectured, grounded or even abused, so it was just easier for her to lie about stuff as a defense mechanism. It gets to a point where they don't even lie to cover up something bad, but just because they don't know what the other person might consider bad. It's really naked honestly, she has to understand that you are not her father and that lying to people will just result in everyone losing trust.
She has to learn that telling the truth is almost always a better option, unfortunately it's very hard to do with her father still controlling her. At least this was my experience with an ex. Logically, I understood why she did it and they in a way she was a victim (she never was abused afaik) but seeing her lie to get parents in such a natural, convincing way just made me wonder if she ever did that to me too. I especially didn't get it because I'm extremely open with my family.
You can either tell her you know the truth and explain to her that you are not her dad and if she thinks she can lie to you then it's all over, or just breakup with her and save you the trouble of going through all that. Can't tell you what to do, and I'm just a random person so take my advice with a grain of salt.
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I see, that makes sense. It’s just that I’ll be in the same place for at least five years, I just can’t fathom why someone would make a decision based on things that will (unlikely to) happen until at least five years later
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“yeah sorry to disappoint but did you want me to lie to you?”
This sentence alone sounds like a relationship ender, considering your situation. It shows an alarming amount of disregard and flippancy where it totally is not warranted.
I dunno Reddit, my entire relationship history has consisted of giving too much and getting burned for it. And then still sticking around afterwards.
Then don't stick around.
I used to think just like you. Then I met my now ex-bf Jonathan. Who liked to hang out with his ex sexual partner.
A few weeks ago, Jonathan stormed out of my apartment because I told him “if you keep hanging out with your ex gf, then it’s only fair for me to visit Richard (my ex bf).” The guy didn’t even argue with me. He just started yelling that he had a rough week, didn’t want to hear it, grabbed his stuff, ran to his car, texted me that he wasn’t coming back
Right after that happened, I called Richard and told him what happened. He had always been my confidante, though I had put distance between us when I started dating Jonathan. Obviously now that Jonathan was gone, I didnt have to anymore. After hearing a blow by blow account of our break up, Richard said “the fact that he was still talking with his ex should have been a deal breaker. Your relationship was doomed to fail.”
I had put distance between myself and my ex to be monogamous with Jonathan. Jonathan did not do the same for me, but he obviously cared when the shoe was on the other foot.
I don’t think it’s any coincide that of all the men I’ve ever dated, the most immature, selfish, irresponsible one was also the only one who continued to have regular daily contact with his ex gf throughout our relationship.
So no. I used to think that it could be acceptable in some cases, but now not at all.
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His mom died because she was embarrassed by his behavior
Jesus Christ what a dick. Have some respect for yourself and leave this jackass. The name calling as a term of endearment can be worked through but him just leaving you without notice is something else entirely.
Let’s put it this way. If you stay with him, he’s right. You are a shit head. Don’t be a shit head and do the right thing.
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It’s like the entire essence of a woman’s life is to provide free labor to everyone but herself. Whether it is as a daughter, wife, or grandmother. With the rise of new age practices like ancestor worship, there is no guarantee that you’ll even be left alone when you’re dead. It’s exhausting.
Op, always remember that NO is a complete sentence.
It’s not just the count that’s too much. She said she had 50 which already is pretty high, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was a lie based off some other information I won’t get into. She also was just way too sexually aggressive off the bat and constantly talks about it which makes the vibe completely casual for me.
Right? If my name is on the home loan or lease my ass isn’t going anywhere. I’ll go stay in the spare bedroom.
I think then you dont have much other choice than to ask her for a divorce if she doesnt want to make time for you nor thinks you need to do things together
There are so many factors. Many people have their “hoe phase” that shoots their numbers up. To me it really all depends if someone is still in that phase. Anyways, to finally answer your question, I’d say someone my age getting comfortably past 30 would be a bit much for my liking if I had to put a number on it.
You have to be firm and tell her. You have no interest in doing what she wants you to do.
The worse depression I had was my “I don’t care about anything” depression. I literally did not care about life, I didn’t feel sad, happy, grief, suicidal, excited, literally nothing, and because of that I DID nothing and stopped socialising because I could barely even hold a conversation because what is there to talk about when you don’t care about life?
I would suggest therapy, and I’d bring it up in a way that’s concerning but blunt. You are both so young, having that mindset that early in adult life is not want that anyone should want to create a habit off otherwise one day she’ll wake up at 45 years old realising that that last twenty years have been a blank space
It’s not a troll post xd
Reddit advice moment
Personally the only way I would use those emojis is when I'm being sarcastic.
Which is pretty common.
Either way, if they are in the list, they have been used recently, for whatever reason.
As a woman who has been divorced…I can tell you that this is the approach my ex took with me when we were in a similar place and it just pushed us farther away.
The whole “I’ll be romantic with you if you commit in advance that my approaches will be successful” just created more conflict, was more exhausting, and undermined any romantic gestures he did make because it was all surrounded by so much obligation and pressure…just take a leap of faith and let things be a little easy and fun for a bit….
As a woman who has been divorced…I can tell you that this is the approach my ex took with me when we were in a similar place and it just pushed us farther away.
The whole “I’ll be romantic with you if you commit in advance that my approaches will be successful” just created more conflict, was more exhausting, and undermined any romantic gestures he did make because it was all surrounded by so much obligation and pressure…just take a leap of faith and let things be a little easy and fun for a bit….
As a woman who has been divorced…I can tell you that this is the approach my ex took with me when we were in a similar place and it just pushed us farther away.
The whole “I’ll be romantic with you if you commit in advance that my approaches will be successful” just created more conflict, was more exhausting, and undermined any romantic gestures he did make because it was all surrounded by so much obligation and pressure…just take a leap of faith and let things be a little easy and fun for a bit….
I’m with you on this
If an adult male was secretly chatting up a minor we would call it grooming.
Your wife's behavior is inappropriate.
It's sad that a 35yo woman is functioning at the social level of a 17yo.
People divorce of loss of trust as frequently as adultery. Your wife's lies and obsession with a 17yo destroyed your trust.
Time for an ultimatum. Zero contact forever or divorce.
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I’m Gen x and our generation was the one to switch to Dr Spock, no spanking, time out chairs, participation trophies, etc. (a lot of good to be sure, but a 180 from the way we were raised).
We raised kids to be special and unique, but also never let them fail. Helicopter parents was coined to define us. It’s no surprise then that kids don’t leave the nest or if they do, they ask for parental support. This isn’t a knock on the kids, they are literally acting the way they were taught.
It sounds like he’s with someone else. Hoop and find someone that’s invested Honey. It shouldn’t be so hot and cold this early.
You could always show her parts of this post, explain to her that for pretty much the first time in your life you get to be YOU. Not a mother or caretaker first, but actually living your life for you. You said it, you’re burnt out and simply cannot/will not take on the role of being a nanny.
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Should I go back to him?
Bruh
The shit people put up with just to be in a relationship boggles my mind
I suppose it's never too late to start being honest. So be honest. You really have no say, though, over what she does then. If your fake name will remind her of how she turned her life around, good on her.
I'm going to get downvoted seeing how others are commenting, but I don't think this is a big deal. She's used to alter the truth to avoid making her father mad, so she's probably good at telling white lies in general and doesn't see why that's bad. She probably just didn't want to make you jealous by going out with a group of semi-strangers, so she told you she'd go out only with girls. Source: I can relate
“Hey, relationship advice subreddit, my wife/husband and I have a weird age gap and got together when one of us was really young. Now we have fucked up problems ! Please help!” ?♀️
did you text at midnight on the start of his birthday or midnight at the end of it? He either thinks you're getting too attached or he has a gf. Possibly both.
did you text at midnight on the start of his birthday or midnight at the end of it? He either thinks you're getting too attached or he has a gf. Possibly both.
did you text at midnight on the start of his birthday or midnight at the end of it? He either thinks you're getting too attached or he has a gf. Possibly both.
Why would you need to separate them? If you found out one of your partner’s friends though you were hot, could you not interact normally with them after? Would it mean any more then a fleeting giggle and back to business?
It’s so weird to me to feel insecure about that.
Thank you for the opinion! I honestly appreciate it very much.
The men who raped her have a rape problem. Let’s not leave out this critical detail.
Discussion not ended. You are right; it's not his job. It's just goes to character and caring about others. If that's not something you can understand, don't worry about it. There are many like you. That's why so many of us admire OP.
Wiping a can isn’t going to prevent germs, def just get some cups, but yeah either way his reasons were not the same as mine! He’s being possessive.
I’m asking a question.
Amount of ppl who think if your partners hang out one on one with someone else is nothing to worry about is mind blowing to me. “ I do t wanna be controlling “ but you are clearly bothered by it and what she is doing is pretty sus in my opinion.It’s one thing to hang out with childhood friend you know for a long time but someone new and she doesn’t even introduce you to this supposedly “friend” … she is only 21 so yes she will be meeting tons of new ppl. She is young , you will find yourself in this situation multiple times if you date someone young.
Just wondering what you think I need to do to change? Kick him out, tough love? I feel like I did contribute and enable but how do I fix it?
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Honestly you waited far too long, your kid has likely noticed how you look at him and treat him. It sounds like you do see him, do you think you've treated him well up until now? Been warm with him? No matter what the DNA test results are, the kid has known you all his life as his dad. Are you hoping to dump the kid if you find proof you aren't related, have you been withdrawing your warmth until you can get proof? If he is already 5' he is at least in his tweens/teens. That is a long time to wait and treat him with suspicion. Have you considered how what you're doing may affect this kid?
Your kid is probably in a very vulnerable age, I hope he has all the support he needs. You will have your answer in a few weeks so it's just a waiting game for you.
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He also risks homelessness if I throw him out
This is the only point that matters. Toss him out on his ass, and tell him if he wants to come back independent and openly honest you might entertain the idea but you're not supporting someone you can't trust.
Oh, and BTW, it's far too late to look at messages now. He's had plenty of time to sanitize them.
You have no respect for your wife so keep being confused. I’m not gonna lay out the obvious for you just to ignore it. Do what you want.
I also think this is highly revealing. How can you honestly stay with her after only 2 months she is forcing an ultimatum on you concerning your quite ill sister? Throwing a fit and hurling insults at you and your sister? That for me would end things or at least require some separation to reflect and hopefully, she will have found either her empathy or left the relationship entirely.
That sounds rough my dude. From reading your post and your message it certainly sounds like you’ve made the right decision. You can’t go on as you are and potentially spend another X amount of years together only to end up feeling the same and resenting it even more. I feel the same in that my mind just wanders to the good times, it’s a natural human coping mechanism, but it does make everything tough. Message me if you wanna just chat
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You aren’t forced to attend but you are forced to chose between your spouse and your work friends. Many people don’t want to leave their spouse home during what is for most people precious and limited family time, often around the holidays. Some people just hate their families I guess? ?♀️
You are not in a polyamourous relationship. You are in a relationship with some one trying to justify cheating……Let him go.
I was thinking I'd get the ick and that would be it for me. What a giant man-baby.
First thing that crossed my mind. This guy is rich
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What if she’s healthiest and happiest when she’s not concerned with her body image or weight??
Going into therapy like that feels kind of dishonest to me, like if he should be honest about why he wants them to do therapy before starting.
If he wants them to both get healthier together he should prioritise her mental health and be really aware and careful about triggering her.
Dependence on a friend isn’t healthy either. What happens if one or both of you get into a relationship? Would you be able to tolerate that if her time was taken away for someone else?
You need to sit her down and communicate this with her. I feel like you're being a little unreasonable with her considering you don't talk about your problems at all, you just deal with them which in turn is probably horrible for your own health. As for her, she needs to learn how to budget for herself and be an adult at the same time.
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Maybe make him earn it?
Honestly, I'm not sure what age appropriate chores he could do. I know most recommend giving a kid chores at age 7.
I wouldn’t stay friends with her unless you want to do that, but personally I think having friends who cheat on their partners (even shitty ones) aren’t good friends to have. She’s still got some moral issues if she was willing to hook up with you while in a relationship, especially considering they were having a rough time which just goes to show she would rather cater to her own needs than try to improve her relationship. Even if they’re abusive or something, leaving is the best bet, not just cheating on them.
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Does he have issues with porn?
Is there someone else?
Yeah that's weird
Oh he gay
It's quite difficult to give 2 people equal attention.
I’ll admit she asked a few times if I was okay but I lied and said yes. I wasn’t.
So you lied, and your girlfriend was supposed to know?
and my gf asks if she can finish off the other girl while I’m out of the room
I say sure
So… you said yes to something you weren't okay with, and again, your girlfriend was supposed to know, how?
You shouldn't have a threesome until you've done quite a lot of self reflection in why you will lie to your partners in the moment.
Can't speak to your current relationship and whether you should keep it, but you really need to do some work on you.
Lmao why are y’all like this? ?
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Then don't get the boob job.Tell him how you feel and if he reacts in any way that is not supportive of your decision, dump him.
Stand up for yourself! Why do you allow him to treat you like this? It is absolutely NONE of his business what you did while you were single.
His money is his priority. If you’re fine with having that sort of man as a husband, carry on. But you know this is off, or you wouldn’t be on here asking for advice. He sees his money as power.
At least you are safe from now. But you’ll learn the naked way as you continue to date your boyfriend. You’re no different from any other teenage girl that’s stubbornly set on dating adult men that are completely wrong and dangerous for them.
You’re the side chick. He’s been honest, he’s not going to divorce. You need to decide if you want to share him.
I don't like piercings but it's your body and your aesthetic and you guys seem to be a mismatch. More communication isn't going to work here, you're both firm on your points.
You’re the side chick. He’s been honest, he’s not going to divorce. You need to decide if you want to share him.
That is because that is the way it was intended. You can tell by the use of pronouns exactly what OP meant. “She” references the person, “It” references the relationship. It is very basic reading comprehension. Maybe the reader doesn't speak English as a first language.
Have him give you the checks each week, and you deposit them!
You’re 19 and have already been in 7 relationships. That’s… a lot. Take your time getting to know people, get some hobbies, know yourself, learn to be alone.
Thank you so much for the advice/help
The whole thing sounds dramatic and immature. Good for you for breaking up.
You already know she’s lying and playing games.
Why isn’t her keeping your trust important to you and her? You can’t and shouldn’t trust this behaviour.
It’s really about you wanting to believe because reality is painful and requires breaking up.
Agreed 🙁 think it’s recoverable??
You know you have autonomy right? When she breaks up with you just stay broken up, don’t take her back.
she cheated on you, then she punishes you , i mean dude can you do any better? why did you forgave her in the first place?
Now you really have to dump her ass
He sounds like a dick. But neither of you sound mature enough to be in a serious relationship. You should dump him and spend some time on yourself.
Does he ever acknowledge mistakes and/or take responsibility? Or (if you don't say anything) is it him doing a shitty job and then leaving it to you to pick up the pieces, as with your expectation that you would be cleaning the mess from him using the wrong pan? Does he show any willingness to learn or reconsider his actions?
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Engagement won’t upset the family. I just kind of want my bf to have this bonding opportunity with them since their time is limited
You can do this, I believe in you?
If you have to hide it, you already know you're doing something wrong. Your wife doesn't know you have ex girlfriends?
I think you misunderstood, he broke up with me, and I want him back so badly. I’d do anything to get him back. that’s what advice I’m seeking for. How to get him back..
Haha you didn’t have to downvote me just because I said it’s unsanitary if she left it in there? I wasn’t disagreeing with you but ok
You can't control other people. You have to choose to trust your partner. End of story. She can't walk through a door he doesn't open.
It sounds like she’s having a normal conversation with you and gauging the situation prior to asking for a change to be made. Sounds like she’s the one being respectful and courteous here.
I agree, good choice, and less drama in the future.
You got my vote. Think of all the kids he is getting hooked on drugs at the very least. Shiuldn't be that big of a decision. It just happens to be a bonus that it's a little payback.
It's awful. I'm glad he didn't write it, but I would steer so far away from him. He will make simple things complicated.
If you are a white guy, you have no business saying that. Maybe it will take you losing a girlfriend for you to realize this.
Oh man I wish I was.
I would still fuck it up but in different ways.
Also ditch this friend when the lease is up.
Bruv…
Psychedelics.
Knife collections are different, simply having a gun in the home increases the likelihood of using said gun for game-ending or the child accidentally harming themselves or others. The success rate for defending your home in the case of an armed intruder also isn't much better. You can look up the endless news reports of very young kids who find guns and in their curiosity, end their lives or a siblings life. Even a lady so proud of taking her kid to train him to “respect guns” picked up a gun that was loose in the car and shot her with it.
I am against guns in the home, so far we don't have one. I am slowly considering it because of how crazy this year has been.
the way she said it was implied with intent, not accident
if its a word salad its a cobb salad, yolked just means i looked like i ate a lot of eggs(protein) because i was very muscular. 2 or 3 is out of 10 on the rudimentary, personal “subjective/objective attractiveness scale”
Here’s the deal. You are married. There isn’t any “you pay her rent” or “you pay her bills”. Nope. You (plural, the both of you) pay your (plural, the both of you) rent/bills/etc. That’s what marriage is – a blending of households and finances.
The entire point of marriage is to combine two people financially.
So instead of bitching about how she doesn’t understand your stress at needing to pay for her, why don’t you sit down with her and discuss your (plural) financial situation and budget and determine a way to online within your (plural) means.
Do you show her affection without expecting sex? Intimacy is more than just sex. If the only time you touch her or romance her is when you want sex – that can be a huge turn off and sex can become a chore
You may need to explain some basic sex etiquette to her and make sure she feels heard too by asking why she gets tired of sex so quickly (maybe she gets sore and thinks its normal?) Or why she doesn't want to interact with your dick that much (100% sure shes not a lil gay?). Sometimes people aren't as self aware as you'd think, especially with limited sexual experience and a catholic background. Sit her down at breakfast or something and ask her all these questions. And tell her how difficult it is for you to go on like this because it will be the death of the relationship if that doesn't change.
It's not past mistakes. It 's past present and future “mistakes”. In other words it's an ongoing issye and you recognise his actions for what they are and break up.
Forget her, she showed a lack of character and was setting you up for a dysfunctional relationship. What I do in these situations is just ignore them, she wants to add you then go ahead but don’t initiate conversations or act interested in her anymore. That’s the real punishment, sinking her into irrelevance without explanation since you don’t owe her one.
I think you did the right thing. That kind of shitty manipulative game-playing is totally unacceptable.
They should be able to help you, if only to help you with who to contact next. Do you online in the US?
Get her into therapy
Doesn’t matter , the more people that don’t know who he really is the more people become at risk. You should have filed when he hit you with shit
When it’s something that obvious that would normally be a part of a conversation they have had, it is lying.
Let’s say you are on your way home from work, and decide to stop and get a coffee. Then after you hit a kid. You get out and check on him, he goes to the hospital. It was just a bad accident, not your fault. You drive around extra to be able to calm down, finally getting home.
Your partner says “why are you late?” And you say “I stopped for coffee.”
To me that’s a lie.
You might want to rethink this. He is prioritizing Lizzie over you in this and it's not right. I don't necessarily think it's your place to tell her BF but I certainly wouldn't want mine to be associating with her and would ask for him to cut contact. Lizzie is truly toxic. The fact that your boyfriend is defending her behavior says volumes about how he really feels. Are you sure this is just a platonic friendship? I question why your boyfriend is behaving the way that he is.
I know right , it's not about revenge its about public safety
What was this argument about? It’s hot to know how to advise you when we don’t know whether you fought about the fact that he called you the wrong name during sex, or he didn’t buy you an Xmas present, or he had sex with your best friend, or he was just an hour late meeting you for dinner.
That’s fair enough and I respect your opinion, but my point was that not everyone is this secure. Whether there is past issues that make someone feel like this or whatever, not everyone would be comfortable in this situation.
Tell her. You need to. She may or may not believe you. Likely the latter. Some people are very good at masking and displaying the personality they want everyone to see in public, but are different behind closed doors. My ex was similar and family and friends had a hot time believing me about him.
First of all, you shot yourself in the foot by going through her phone. Second of all half what you said sounds completely normal and the other half not so much.
The “when you turn 18” comment sounds potentially creepy if he's a lot older if not it's just flirtatious but not that big of a deal what you're looking for is how she responds not what he says.
The calling her beautiful and him being glad he gets to talk to her now that he has grown as a person is also completely normal and fine.
As for the talking badly about you to him that's a doozy because on one end that sounds like a boundary on your behalf and since she agreed it was wrong she should have kept it that way. BUT I'm curious to know what's the appropriate thing for her to do when you get into an argument? She needs a support system and she should be able to vent and lean on her friends and family for support.
I'm sure you mean well and your arguments are probably mundane but keep in mind that setting rules like these in a relationship could be a horrible thing in a not healthy relationship. I'm obviously not accusing you of anything bad but it can be taken as a red flag if your partner tells you you aren't ever allowed to talk about your arguments to other people. She or anyone around her hearing that and thinking it's a red flag would not be wrong for doing so.
I don’t hear any disdain whatsoever in OP – he is just a direct person and is annoyed at his wife’s indirectness. Everyone on here is reading into too much. Wife has always been like this. She’s not “walking on eggshells” because he’s going to explode.
As someone who’s lost all of her parents and grandparents, and received a sizeable chunk of money(not the same as your friend mind you) I’d still happily trade every penny for any of them back for just a hour.
It's because we were talking about how it makes me feel, but thank you for speaking in a manner that really helped me out, and no this isn't my first girlfriend, just the first one that I fully care about and love, that's why we've lasted 11 months compared to my others lasting 2-3 max
What part of your friend told you he had a toxic break up with his girlfriend don't you understand?
“Just you”? Please. You're not that special. Abusive people pick vulnerable people (like that person's daughter) and they groom them to think they're great people only to trap them and show them who they really are.
If you think he isn't this toxic to other women, just because you think he's still a great guy, then you're delusional. He put his hands on you. He grabbed your jaw (which is close to the neck and those that grab the neck often kill their partner after) and he hurt you.
You're delusional if you think he's still a great guy and he'd never do this to another vulnerable girl. He's clearly comfortable with physically attacking you, so he's done this before.
Open your eyes, dude. He's an abusive asshole and you keep telling us he's great and that hed never do this to someone else, but he did this to YOU.
You're the person that should be advocating for him losing his friends. You SHOULDN'T be telling us what a great guy he is.
Wouldn't call a lack of mutual trust beautiful but if it works for them whatever
you have just a big a role in this dynamic as she and her anxiety do.
Why are you assuming he's at fault? My mom constantly blames everyone else for triggering her trauma or anxiety rather than dealing with it herself. It's unreasonable to say that he needs to play into her trauma rather than her working to get through it. I'm not convinced this is a trauma response, but if it is it's abusive to force others to take responsibility for her issues rather than seeking help.
I didn't see any mention of the friend being drunk and he pretty much made himself her DD by offering her a ride. So if he was drinking then even if it is a case of neither of them being fit to properly consent he still put her in danger by drinking and driving. The friend is a jerk one way or another. Either he SA'd the girl or he put her, himself, and countless other people in danger by driving while under the influence.
Lol. Fair enough.
Run. Away. From. Him.
No matter what, don't stay together. My gut says this is either a fake pregnancy that she will “lose” or it's not yours. Even if it is real and it is yours, don't stay. But don't sign anything related to the child until you know it's real and your endless you get advised to by a reputable lawyer. So lawyer up and start separating. It's going to be miserable but it's better than staying with her.
It's called gaslighting
Its harmless atm but if you focus on it, it will continue to manifest into more. You are more introverted so its not uncommon to latch onto something or someone that helps you out of your shell (believe me, im going through similar events right now haha). Just look at it as a small friendship during work hours and you'll be fine. You know what you want, so there's no need to fixate on this.
Grief takes time, dont rush yourself.
That's disconcerting tbh. I don't think she means to do it but she definitely is bordering on abusive. You can't insist on telling someone how they feel or what they think.
I've learned a lot lately since I struggled my whole life with anger issues and anxiety that leads to controlling behavior.
But when someone isn't ready to accept it I think it would be best to get yourself some support like a therapist and start working on some boundaries.
It can really mess with your mind when someone is constantly questioning your reality
Good 4 u!
So this is a hypothetical, thanks for the clarification .
She’s not sitting him down and grilling him. She’s having a conversation. Is she not allowed to ask the OP questions or talk to him about what she’s doing?
She may genuinely be curious and not even have a plan to the conversation. It’s very likely she’s not even planning on asking or hinting anything at the start of the conversation. She’s asking him about what he’s doing and then reacting to his responses.
OP, if it's 100% the truth what you state in your question, you should not want to save this:
She cheated on you, is a lazy slob, does nothing with the kids, and adds nothing to your life.
Most likely it will be less work around the house, and more time with the kids for you, right?
However, a lot of times when partners resent each other, both thinking the other does nothing, and they have to do everything, it is just not true.
F.i. if she cleans the house, but doesn't do the laundry, you notice the laundry. If she cooks, you notice the dirty kitchen. She bugs you for sex, but she lacks appreciation and attention from you.
All of those are valid reasons for both parties to resent the other. All of them can also be true. If this is something you don't communicate with each other, you end up where you are now.
Ha I’ve found that a lot of people do that. Starting the conversation with “heyyyyyy so, how are ya feeli-“ I tend to just respond with “what do you want me to do. Just tell me so I can respond”
You answered your own question. You're not okay with the situation anymore so you tell him that you dont wanna be with him unless its exclusively only you two, and if he doesn't want that too then you're gonna have to go your separate way.
Dump. Now.
Getting a new therapist in Washington soon. Been so stressed out and depressed that I’ve been focused on auto pilot functioning . The first few weeks I was here I couldn’t move . All I didn’t was cry and sit in one place. They actually broke up with me during this time because they couldn’t “handle taking care of me” and we ended up getting back together. On top of that , I’m disabled and have an auto immune disorder that flares up bad during high stress and makes moving and functioning exhausting and painful .
If one person needs to make a significant effort to convince the other to open up a relationship, it means you shouldn't do it.
I still don’t understand why your husband is upset with you? You came home and immediately filled him in on the weird boundary overstepping that just happened to you! Shouldn’t He should support you and be on your team or supporting your feelings or trying to help you make a plan to feel safe around these people? Or maybe I am wrong, this is just what I would hope for!
As far as you know, a person left their sublet and took all their stuff with them. Do you think they left of their own volition or that they were taken or forced out? Do you think your partner threatened or harmed them in some way? If so, contact the police. Otherwise, not your business.
Fair. You're right.
You are definitely dating a racist guy with a race fetish. Liking anime is one thing, but by item three of the list my eyebrows were lost in my hair. I think it might be better to maybe look for a different partner who sees you instead of your race.
Oh, honey. Sigh. You are going to get a lot of good advice to run from this guy. You won’t take any of it. Set a reminder now to come back to this thread in 10 years and remember that it wasn’t as if nobody told you. Sigh.
This was not an “accident” it was real and I can absolutely a million percent see myself for when i was in an abusive relationship and I thought the first hits were accidental, that they didn’t mean to do it. It was not as bad as it could have been. I was being emotional so I pushed them over the edge by not calming down quickly enough. That was all bullshit. It was abusive and it took a long time and so much cognitive gymnastics to finally convince myself to leave. I downloaded an app that let me secretly keep a journal and save photos that wouldn’t be anywhere else on the phone, so I saved pics of bruises, I wrote everything when it happened and reread it later because I would always convince myself it wasn’t as I remembered it, but that journal saved me. The evidence stacked up and it still wasn’t easy to leave but I did.
This shit escalates. It’s serious. Please make use of resources im sure others have shared, reach out to people you trust. Protect yourself and that baby. You deserve so much better.
20 and 37… do I even need to read the post?
Is OP 30 or 5, it's not clear
I read the title and instinctively screamed “oh my god!”. Which tells me an uncomfortable amount about me and my mother's relationship….
Thank you. It makes sense that as an over thinker, that could cause me problems.
I agree. I’m just answering the question as to why she didn’t go out when the kids were younger.
She has always been excessively possessive. A problem from the start. He seems like he probably never made any allowances once they had kids. But the problems were there before the kids.
He can get alimony if he has nothing and she is rich.
Get your foreplay game on point, you don't get to enter her unless she's cum from foreplay, maybe a couple times. Massage, lick, finger her, whatever you have to do to satisfy her. There's tutorials on Pornhub if you don't know how OP. Pretty sure every male out in the world knows how to search Pornhub for what they want, maybe look for what women want? Also ask your wife what she likes.
I honestly don't know why guys act like their dick is the star of the show. Most of us women don't even cum from your Willy. It's the mental, physical, and emotional care we receive. If you come early everytime but don't prepare or even try to get her off you're just a selfish lover.
8 years of you dropping your load in a minute or less? Wtf have you been doing for her this whole time? Like she's lucky to get your 1 minute wonder? I'd laugh my ass off at you too! Fuck just by laughing so hot for 2 minutes I'd have probably grinded my clit against the seat to get off more then you've tried for years. Sorry that you're self reflection didn't land so well with her this morning, after 8 years of struggles. But at least you always got yours? Maybe it was a come to Jesus moment for her, and the years of pent up dissatisfaction released itself into nervous laughter. Wtaf? Ughhhh
The us spending time together was a mutual decision. It at a NYE party was his want. And many other things were his wants. It was only my wants that never happened thats why I only listed my wants. If you want I can give you a detailed list of the things he want and got? His family giving no effort hurt him too not just me.
You just want to cry. That's sad. Sometimes you just have to cry.
In this situation, please be sure that cry is all you do. No looking for closure, it was never going to make you as satisfied as you thought. Sometimes you have to move on from a strange place.
This is on you just as much as him. Marriage is a partnership. Yes he needs to step game up to make you feel more desired and sexy but you need to be a part of that process. I know it’s a hugely unpopular opinion these days but I still believe it’s 100% true, sometimes you just got knock boots even if you don’t really feel like knocking boots. I give the same advice to men too, as well as having lived it. Turing down your partner too often is horrible for their self esteem and for the relationship.
Her dad is in his 60s, and mum in her 50s. Her dad ran a business, which unfortunately failed during the time I was with her. Since then, he never really found a secondary source of income, and her mum has been a stay home mum most her life.
The reason they have such a say, is because my girlfriend was brough up by them in an environment where they placed a large emphasis on filial piety. As such, she doesn't want a situation where she has to break her bonds with her parents, to be with me.
Common sense would be screaming red flags all over, but I guess that's just how much I love her. Thanks, I truly wish no one else would need to go through something like this.
I wouldn’t push anything tbh. If it’s just photos and a mini-celebration, and you can afford to risk losing the deposits, just hold the reservations. There’s still three months between now and then. There’s a good chance he recovers to the point he’s ready to smile by March. Sorry for both your losses.
No one is entitled to sex and the rule of thumb is full disclosure of intimate details well before sex happens. This guy handled this all wrong and is blaming it on you.
Your entire post history – dozens upon dozens of posts- is filled with you chatting up women on reddit, flirting with them, speaking sexually to them, posting in r/Cuckold, and talking about how you encourage your wife to flirt. You say she “openly flirts with guys” and “you personally love it.”
Therefore, I don't understand this post. You love when your wife flirts, you encourage her to do so, you love flirting with other women, so why does her simply giving her number to a neighbor for a totally innocent reason bother you this much? Or is this a fetish post?
How many parents do you have?
You are the moron for not marrying your baby mama…shame on you for living in sin
Dump him
He was probably trying to pull the same bullshit with his old roommates and they kicked him out. Give him 30 days notice to get out of your apartment. Hopefully he’s not on the lease.
This is not okay. He is essentially courting her when in reality she should be a nobody to him. If she needs comfort then her family or REAL friends will take care of it.
You need to act fast here and put your foot down. He is acting a fool and you need to tell him. You do not accept this kind of behaviour.
Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt my guy
STOP PAYING until he agrees to at least 50/50. Otherwise, stop paying!!! If you being together would be important to him he's be getting a room on his dime. It's only “important” to him if you pay and then he ends up not being able to make it… Stop being used by him. You are not his priority!
Huh? He said SHE was consoling HIM
I believe you are right, my friend. I hate that I understand her, for it means I will agree to break up if that's what it comes to. Wishing you the best – may self-made happiness find your heart.
People here are missing the point. Your boyfriend IS superficial for caring about appearance (wanting natural). Your face should serve the purpose of making you happy and comfortable, not him, he doesn't have to inhabit your body so not his choice. It's none of his business what you do with it and mega superficial of him to say he'd break up with you if you got work done.
Remember that trend of 'would you love me if I was a worm'? Your bf is so intolerant he wouldn't even love you if your face was slightly different in a way that made you feel more confident. Nobody has these weird stigmas about braces.
Also wtf does he mean by a nose job not being fake?
You need to stop telling him about girls you’re interested in. Full stop. He’s a Grade A douche and I know I couldn’t be friends with someone like that.
What you're describing is an extremely controlling relationship that's situationally abusive that you've gaslit yourself and been gaslit into thinking this is the perfect relationship. You have your whole life ahead of you, is this all you've told yourself you deserve? Sounds like you've been through a lot personally, and you two have become way too codependent. You have a therapist, they will help you through the break up which will probably be the best for you both so you can both be more independent and self confident. Also, anyone who's willing to abuse strangers in public (especially women unprovoked) is scary and unpredictable at best. Just because he doesn't do it every time you go out doesn't meant that's not exactly who he is. Don't defend or normalize abuse. Without help and a willingness to change that will only escalate and eventually turn towards you. This is not a healthy relationship at all.
Informed consent is getting more attention in the healthcare space and I think it needs to be the clear standard for sex as well.
You can not enthusiastically consent to sexual activity when major relevant information is withheld.
I think you read it wrong
He's sexualising a child.
Even if you can get past the deception this is something to end it over.
Oh okay, so mine and my friend's experiences with this very thing aren't real…? The other lesbian women who have talked about this happening to them … isn't real? We're all lying … and for what purpose?
this man doesn't want a partner, he wants a combination mommy/sex doll who will never have demands of him or need anything. as soon as you started to have clear needs and act like a person because of pregnancy, he bolted because his fantasy was shattered. this has zero to do with you because it's simply the fact that you're a real human being that was a turnoff
i would wager a guess that during most of your relationship, he would implicitly or explicitly tell you that you were being needy, demanding, or unreasonable. you probably slowly started asking for less and compromising here and there because you love him and he was doing as much as he could. i want you to know that none of those needs were unreasonable. you aren't needy or clingy or demanding or anything else he ever made you feel. you're a person coping with several really painful situations at once. and you deserve nothing less than someone who jumps to take care of you when you need them
My mother used to give me the ” it's OK to be gay” speech at least once a week, she pushed hot for it lol….bitch I don't hug you because I hate you, not because I'm gay!
Relationships are about compromise, forcing him to do something he hates is exactly what your upset about. Theres no right or wrong answer. If you would rather not move in with him if it means leaving ur pets then thats your choice. If you want both then your both going to have to compromise. If he doesnt want to, thats his choice. Why dont you ask him if there is any way he’ll have your pets in your house? Maybe if he gets to decide where they will online in the house? Im assuming they have a cage and not just flying around? At the end of the day, as soon as you realise that neither of you has done anything wrong in putting forward your point of view then the easier ull find it to accommodate each other. If you cant compromise on this then what about bigger things down the line?
really?
And what about her reactions?
Her reactions look more like SHE wanted sex, and is pissed because he said no. SHE can apologize and come talk to him, so they can work this out.
But you're putting it all on him and laying the FULL responsibility on his shoulders…
blaming him.
I dated a guy for about 5 years who had only had sex once or twice before me, and by 4.5 years in, he had escalated what he wanted from our sex life. He wanted to experience more sexual partners, or was bored with me (despite saying yes to almost everything), and wanted to open the relationship. I ended it with him eventually, and had to talk about the experience a LOT in therapy. My current bf was a virgin when we got together, and I have never once wanted to open our relationship or have sex with others (over 5 years now). Sex with him is about feeling good, of course, which we figured out with each other over time, but it's also about being close to him, and loving him more than anyone in the world. Your bf sounds like my ex, who was far more interested in his physical pleasure than mine, my feelings, our relationship, etc. Let your bf go fuck other people, permanently. You deserve a better partner.
No givebacks!
I see. Well I’m sorry to hear you lost a friend, but it sounds like you might be better off without him if this is how he acts. It’s sad for sure, but wouldn’t you rather foster healthy relationships instead of ones where you’re walking on eggshells the whole time?
Sounds a little petty. You said it yourself, you're only seeing him casually. The default is to not exchange gifts in that kinda situation, so you shouldn't fault him for not participating.
Testing daily is ridiculous.
Well yeah, she wants to fuck someone else. Of course you’re not gonna feel the same. Sorry bud but break it off before this causes you any more pain
The best thing to do is really think about what you want (like from life, job wise, location to online, what would make you happy, minus relationship stuff) focus on being the BEST YOU, you can be. Will it get him back? Idk, but if he's that great wouldn't he deserve the best version of you?
Does he want the same things you want? Generally when someone has blown the 16 year head start they had in life and are on your level or worse off, it's generally not a good sign.
Wait, did you never meet before all this? Or you were just long-distance, but had met in real life? It sounds like she is not ever going to commit. I would take that as a serious sign, in addition to all the hoops she has made you jump through, only to still come up with more roadblocks. It doesn’t sound like it’s meant to be.
Ummm sir you now have to worry about not only possible legal action but also about losing that job.
I will preface this by saying what I’m about to type is not legal advice simply advice to get your ducks in a row for the legit shit storm that’s brewing.
I’ll also say I’m definitely going to get flack for how I’m about to phrase this but f it you’re here for advice
First off ask to speak in person so you can apologize in person, NO NOT TEXT HER APOLOGIZING FOR HER SUCKING YOU UP WHILE DRUNK OR FOR TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HER PERIOD.
Second you need to know that she probably did actually want to do it but she still likes that ex BF of hers so it’s definitely wrecking her brain.
I do not know how drunk she was but having a sip or a drink does not automatically constitute sexual assault there is a certain legal limit she had to be at among other factors for that.
Fact is you did take advantage of her vulnerable moment whether it was SA or not is up for debate but you did take advantage of when she was vulnerable
If she does not wish to speak in person so you can apologize or if she does not want to speak at all then say you understand and keep it pushing.
Also look for another job. Just do it you’re going to need to in the event she simply mentions being uncomfortable working with you to any sort of management or HR.
You’ve landed yourself in some possible major hot water legally and employment wise. You’ve known her for 2 years, respect that she want distance if that’s what she requests and move on. It 10000000% will be awkward at work so be ready to stick it out until you find new employment.
Good luck you might need a lot of it
I do feel shitty for not playing with her on her birthday. I will talk to her about setting a schedule, thank you!
Not to mention putting OP and her parents at risk. Why people feel so comfortable getting others sick because of their own feelings and selfishness is beyond me. Being sick sucks but my goodness.
It sounds like you’re more afraid that your boyfriend is forming an actual relationship with Alex and you’re jumping to the conclusion that he might actually be gay (not bi) and has been hiding this aspect of himself all along (and using you to cover up that fact).
Ok what should I look for then?
he's not your boyfriend
He at best is bad with time management, but it could be worse. Up to you if you're willing to take that chance.
The good thing in this is you know you messed up. Your choices are either you own it now or bury it and reap the consequences of that down the road and I can tell you, owning it now will be way less painful for you in the long run. She deserves to know.
Last time I checked he´s the one who´s married so you should ask him that question. I can feel emotionally close to whomever I choose to, that does not make me a cheater, nor a homewrecker nor someone who contributes to another person cheating. And if I feel close to him emotionally, that does not make him a cheater, either. I didn´t say he feels emotionally close to me, nor do I encourage it. He and I are having a friendly (amicable) conversation – which, in my books at least, does not constitute as emotional cheating.
Otherwise, married folks wouldn´t be allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Now if I find out that he keeps me a secret from his wife, then I agree with you and am not cool with that. But if I´m genuinely just a friend and his wife knows and doesn´t have an issue with it, it´s not emotional cheating. As far as I´ve been informed by him, his wife knows but I am yet to find out and confirm whether he´s told me the truth or not.
Man day labor during covid KICKED my ass. All I wanted was a cold soda and to melt into the couch when I got home.
When you expend energy massively all day around a bunch of dirty man's men, sex is the last thing on your mind, at least mine.
Lots of comments on here so I’m not sure if somebody already said this but yeah, I don’t feel like you’re in the wrong here. It seems like your wife might be struggling w her self esteem & maybe a conversation about what your guys needs/wants are could be helpful.
Next time just apologize and let him know you didn’t mean to hurt him. Don’t try to explain it away as that can appear to be making excuses. Maybe just go apologize and tell him you love him, maybe he had in his head that his is considered big, maybe it’s because you said big ones hurt and that got him thinking about you being with guys that have bigger dicks. Who knows… idk what to tell you I think he’s being a bit dramatic but maybe you weren’t apologetic enough either.
Gross, no one should take pleasure from hurting your partner (unless of course, it is communicated, safe, sane, and consensual).
the amount of upvotes on this comment is concerning. sex is supposed to feel good, full stop.
You don't have a friend, cut him off. GF should move on, it's going to damage you emotionally if you continue the relationship.
Is she still on those meds? Some mental health meds are very sedating. In combination with painkillers it would be very difficult to function normally.
Your first line of approach needs to be medical/psychological, because her behavior screams either depression or drug issues (dependence or just the wrong meds for her), not laziness.
You've given yourself only two options, both of which are extreme. The answer is not “do nothing” and it's not “divorce immediately.” What you need to do is tell her bluntly that the family and your relationship is in crisis, there is very apparently something going on with her that needs to be addressed, and that she needs to address it and let you help because you love her and don't want a divorce. Pull in anyone who cares about her for intervention.
Ultimately, if you have to divorce, so be it, but you have a lot invested in this relationship, too much to rush to that decision, especially if it turns out there is something medically wrong.
In the meantime, hire an occasional housekeeper. Not for her. For your sanity and for the kids' sake.
“I want to be able to take care of my wife and children and be emotionally ready for this commitment of marriage before I propose”
OP: this is a red flag.
OP listen to yourself, you’re kind of the red flag in this situation
“I want a ring within 6 years whether you’re emotionally ready or not!”
Please tread lightly. Personally, I would not marry this person. They seem like someone who will stop working the second you get married and depend on you. This is a financial hole that will be really difficult to get out of.
I feel like you making excuses for guy one. I say drop him, I grew up around addicts and sorries don’t cut it.
Gahd I hate this fad that men are supposed to just bend over backwards when a woman doesn't even say so. So popularized by social media. He loves you enough to deal with this dumb shit and if that ain't enough get lost. All this “get me cheetos” at 3 am crap needs to stop. If you're going to compare your relationship to others you see on social media your an idiot. Not saying that is op just had to say it. To op I say just ask or tell a guy what is going on he isn't a mind reader… that I know of.
it has been done! ill post an update soon
I don't think you understand autism.
DO NOT DO THIS without researching the laws in your area! You could be charged with distribution of child pornography if you share pictures of yourself when you’re a minor.
You didn't cheat your friend drunkenly kissed you
You’re crying on Reddit at the thought of him having the nudes, but it’s so obvious that you shouldn’t have included your face. If you’re going to to whine to people on Reddit about your lack of common sense, at least lose the attitude.
You're thinking in a completely solo way. You and your girlfriend are a partnership (and from one of your comments, a family unit with a child?). What you're doing is disadvantaging the unit to assuage your pride. You're actually achieving the opposite of what you think you are – you're not being a leader or a provider when you stop other members of the unit from contributing to the good of the overall unit. “The unit can't have a nice night celebrating the success of one of its members unless I am the one who can provide the resource for that nice night” is actually toxic as all get-out.
A true leader and provider leverages all resources for the betterment of the group.
OK. This is the logical progression of that conversation. I was waiting for someone to say this. He has traditional values expects a traditional wife. A stay at home mom who takes care of the cooking and cleaning, and child raising. He’s looking for someone who’s point of pride would be to do all of these things for him and not expect him to lift a finger.
Yeah I agree with that. I think it's better to face the facts of it tho, rather than just think it's as black and white as loving someone = blinders on to everyone else
Given that his mom thinks it’s acceptable to try guilt her kid into not having a relationship with his father and sibling, I’m going to question what kind of wife she was inside her marriage.
When you're in an actual serious long term adult relationship, usually your partner is your priority. Maybe you'll go do a few things with you friends alone, maybe even often depending on what it is… but normal couples want to do things together that are fun together. They like to see each other happy and spend time with them doing exciting things, that's why they are together. Birthdays and big weekend trips with literal joint friends, especially when your friend is literally wondering why you aren't there and is totally oblivious to your bf deliverately missing you out so you couldn't go, is a very very good example of something most people would expect to do together. Your friend is confused about you not being there, because in his head, he's not even thinking your bf left you out deliberately. Why would he think that?
Other people are either young, you're implying your clingy because you're so worried about it and they are assuming you're right, or he's implied you are and exaggerated things like just saying you wish you were with him on his birthday. That is a totally normal and reasonable wish. His response to her gf wishing she was invited along to have fun on his birthday is not.
These are your feelings and they aren't unreasonable. Stop worrying that they are, and realise you've been treated pretty badly here, he's made it evident he doesn't want these things and you do. Don't waste time trying to have them and always feeling down and left out. Go find someone that doesn't leave you out.
Understood, thanks a lot man
I advise the direct method. Tell him if he wants to sleep around he is free to do so, and you'll find someone else to be in an actual relationship with. Whatever you say, direct is best. Fuss around with it and he'll interpret things the way he wants, rather than as what you actually mean.
Yes. And having an argument with her over it still means you’re stuck engaging the behavior on her terms. “I’m not doing this” is a stronger position for you, because you aren’t in control of changing her behavior, but you’re in complete control of your own.
I would do nothing. Do you really need to control that part of her life? No.
She’s right, if you don’t like if then you don’t have to kiss her at night. But you’re out of line for expecting her to change something like that especially when you haven’t even met her.
why should she apologize – it seems OP is misinterpreting platonic love for erotic or romantic love and projecting her own insecurities
I told him the same thing, that I wanted to be treated like a girlfriend and not like a mom, he said that he’s trying to get over the traumas but he told me “not everybody can pick themselves up after they fall as fast as you”. I feel like threatening to throw him out and make him go online at home makes me an asshole because then I’m actively forcing him back to a place that gave him traumas.
I think a lot of people share that enjoyment. I've been trying to figure out where that stems from/ what it is for ages.
Your husband is pretentious and insecure and based on his behavior, doesn't like you very much. I'm sorry op.
Either sit her down and explain this to her to see about lowering the rent, or you might want to think about getting out of the relationship! I would think you should have discussed this with her prior to moving in.
You seem like a bitter old perv thinking he can pull young girls lmao
true as an afro haired person with the curliest of hair I concur
Yeah but he wouldn't bring it up unless he wanted to. It's called testing the waters. Seeing how you'd react.
Not wearing deodorant and gaining weight are very different. Comparing the two is silly and not a good faith argument. I take it you have never struggled with weight loss while dealing with a thyroid condition, a million responsibilities, and an unsupportive partner?
Not wearing deodorant and gaining weight are very different. Comparing the two is silly and not a good faith argument. I take it you have never struggled with weight loss while dealing with a thyroid condition, a million responsibilities, and an unsupportive partner?
To end LDR we will have to marry in a year.
To be fair we were both drunk and I said it because she wasn’t giving me an inch and I wanted to hear her say she was sorry because she never does. I know it was wrong but she said hateful things too. And I quickly explained that to her. I regret saying it, no I don’t think it’s not a big deal but maybe I didn’t realize how traumatizing that was to hear either.
I'm gonna tell you right now the “only a second or two” is a lie. Lets just get that out of the way. They got drunk and decided to experiment. On some level weather you say you think its cheating or not your discomfort really can only be one of two things. Either an aversion to lesbian activity's or you feel she cheated.
This is your husband’s responsibility. He is responsible because he accepts this behavior. He needs to set things straight with his mother. He needs to I tell her to stop babying him and to respect his wife and child. HE is 50% of the problem. Your MIL is the other half. You have taught this man that it’s OK to allow this by letting it go on for TEN YEARS!
Because if OP's husband was going out alone at 7pm every sat night to meet friends at bar, she might think he's cheating. But if she sees the actual friends, the “guys' night out” at the bar is a lot more plausible. So the three guys are there for OP. Maybe they pick up other husbands before and after him using the same strategy and that's why punctuality is important.
My ex was one of those “prolific cheaters that everyone knows about except you” types, so I think he was mostly thinking of that as opposed to how I was reacting to the situation. He did tell me after he booked the first flight for early February, I just didn't expect for the trip to be 17 days! Nor did I ask, although obviously in hindsight I should have
Or trolling at this point.
Cut the alcohol, go on walks together. You don't need to go to the gym, run marathons or bike up mountains, at least not to start. But just cutting out a toxin and getting 15 minutes of walking in daily, together, and you will see the difference much less feel it within a month.
As someone who has been through almost the exact same thing… Let her go.
It might hurt now, but it is probably going to be the best thing for both of you.
Speaking from experience, she needs to work on her mental health, on her own. As amazing as it might sound to be able to support her through this, there is a chance that she will rely on you to recognise when she is backsliding, or to remind her to use techniques she learns. In the long term, that is a bad idea.
In time, you may find your way back to each other, or you might end up with someone else. But for now, best to go low contact & focus on yourselves.
He sounds either highly manipulative, or possibly showing signs of mental illness. I'd navigate this relationshjp carefully. Without therapy, things will only get worse.
Kick his ass out and sue him for child support. Stop supporting someone who is ABUSING you.
Sounds like you are doing all you can, just being there for her when she needs. Obviously it's hot to understand and relate since you are in a very different situation, but you still went to see her and give her company, and I think that's wonderful. Maybe she needs a bit of therapy to be able to deal with her fears and emotions better, I can imagine it spiraling out if she keeps hiding herself and the baby at home all the time.
But back to your original question, maybe you could have 1 on 1 conversation with her about how her constant 'joking' about others having a baby is uncomfortable and could be hurting friends who are struggling or can't have one and ask her if she is doing alright herself. She will probably say she is 'fine', but maybe she will open up a little bit?
Sorry for a wall of text, got carried away, I just hope it all works out in the best way possible
You're not being honest with yourself. This is a lot more complex than “I like it, but she doesn't” and I think you know that.
Is there any doubt she was mistreated? It doesn't sound like it. If you can't have her back on something as easy for you to do as this, what happens when it's something really serious?
And somewhere deep inside you don't talk about at parties, I think you know you'd feel the same way if it was reversed, even if you can't admit it now.
Here's the bottom line, this is important to her. If you reject her feelings on the matter, it's going to become really important for you, because she's definitely going to feel betrayed. It's not going too far to say this could snowball into becoming the end of your relationship.
Ultimately you can do whatever you want, but ask yourself, is some stupid sporting event worth more than your relationship? Because that's the question she's going to ask you if you go forward, so you might as well prepare an answer.
Morally conflicted? Why? This has nothing to do with you. There are no morals that apply to you. This is not your business
Important question, are you happy in this relationship/fulfilled. And is he the one for you right now
He was straight up from the start, love him as he is, or find someone else.
but he says it's too hot to plan ahead like that
Then he's on his own for food those days. Stop keeping him from the consequence of his inaction.
Thank you btw.
Well this post made me laugh so that’s a start
Thanks for this feedback, I am debating on attempting couples counseling but with all this feedback it sounds like most of you would have run already so I’m second guessing if I should even do that. I guess I was hoping she would see what she’s doing to us but I don’t think she can right now and may never see what she did wrong.
Put your head out of your ass and stop making this about your pathetic wants and desires.
All this “me, me, me”. Cut it.
You keep screwing up because it's obvious you've not changed.
Still thinking of yourself only.
Can you try, spending the weeked nights together?
I understand the need to have good long sleept before work.
That's kinda sad tbh.
Have a lovely day kind redditor, and may you find what's missing in your life.
I could never be in a relationship with someone who starts arguments because they’re BORED
Don't start anything with someone you report to. I don't care how attracted you are to him. It's a bad idea and could hurt your career. I'm pretty sure the reason he isn't initiating anything is because you report to him. I'd let it go if I were you.
So you've been MARRIED since you were 20 (and he was 34)… exactly how old were you when you started dating!?
He is absolutely 'pedophile adjacent' at best… and the fact that your body (your tiny, 145lb body) does not look the way it did when you were 20, before carrying and birthing THREE of his babies, is exactly how it is supposed to be!
There is a reason he was still single at 34, and targeting teenagers – no grown woman wanted him because he's disgusting.
The last edit makes it so much worse. Did he plan on the his significant other never aging? Just throwing them out and getting a “new one” the same age?
And that's the basis of your problem. You can't trust that it's the only thing he's hidden because he's already shown that he's willing to lie straight to your face. There's literally no way to know.
I think men take women crying way to seriously because for a man to cry in public, something horrible has to happen. I am not saying this is right or ok, just how my experience with men has been. Women on the other hand cry on a dime, me included. I really liked the top comment. I am guessing they broke up because he wouldn't marry her. So now he is getting married, that comes with a lot of emotion. I don't think this is a reason to break up with her. I think just forget about it, everyone has a past.
He must be joking, the appropriate response is to laugh raucously
Thank goodness. Like let’s not pretend if the boyfriend (who is supposed to support his love aka op!) has his way that op won’t get the short end of the stick.
I am so upset this isn’t the top comment bc it should be. The boyfriend is totally legit to be upset but he doesn’t get to be the victim— sexual harassment is huge in the service industry. Those that work in it unfortunately have learned how to mitigate. Is it fair? Heck no. Is it part of the industry? I’ve spent over a decade and a half in it and unfortunately yes.
You mitigate and let your significant other know. They support you. They don’t go nuclear at your expense.
I get it’s 2023 but sexism is alive and well. Unfortunately.
Great comment mamellama!
I wouldn’t pull any punches and let him know that you were hurt to a level that you honestly don’t know if you can be together anymore. He seems to realize that you don’t want an open relationship, he doesn’t seem to understand that him asking and explaining his want to try because of “potentially” getting bored (he decided he wanted to change his whole life based on a hypothetical?) has in many ways broken your marriage. being direct on how dire the situation actually is will help him understand that couples counseling may very well turn into co-parenting counseling and be mentally prepared for that.
While going through this process I think it’s important that you don’t torpedo any potential reconciliation by allowing him a pass. I think this is born out of a place of extreme hurt, and you’re essentially wanting to give him the metaphorical loaded gun to kill your marriage, and waiting to see if he’ll pull the trigger. Don’t do this.
Individual counseling will be good to work through your feelings and any direction this may go.
There’s this pottery type in Japan called kintsugi, where they take broken pottery, and repair it with gold lacquer, i like to think it’s a great analogy to hurts in relationships, sometimes a hurt can be repaired and make the relationship stronger and more beautiful, sometimes it’s broken beyond repair, i think you owe it to yourself to figure out which this is.
Thanks!
Maybe don’t get boozed up so much around the fam.
Don't even tell her about the test until she gets there.
Get here there, pull out the test, and tell her to take it.
Give her a heads up gives her a chance to grab a bottle of someone elses piss to put on the test, cause if shes crazy enough to fake a pregnancy.. shes crazy enough to try to buy some pregnant piss.
I had to stop reading halfway through. He interchanged “you had sex” with “you got raped.” It's “HIS” house (that he doesn't pay for, nor did he furnish). It's about HIS “trauma” and “triggers.” He DEMANDS you do things. Why tf are you with this guy??? He's abusive. This is abuse. You're being abused. He continues to remind you of YOUR trauma to keep you in line and make you feel less than. You have to keep from angering him and worry about his needs in his mind.
RUN
He's playing games with you, block him and don't look back.
You’re a horrible man. You can see that she’s drowning but you’ll only help if she jogs so you won’t be repulsed by her?! Then double down on that shittiness by staying away even MORE so she doesn’t even have the minuscule help you were giving? Then decided to fuck a teenager 7 years younger than you instead of helping your wife? And then when you were no longer repulsed by your wife you turned your woman hating energy on the teenager you sought out?
Let your wife go, don’t fight on giving her a fair settlement – she deserves more than half of your stuff as well as you helping her get training for a job – and let her find a man that’s not horrible and doesn’t conditionally love her.
And for fucks sake don’t have another kid. You’ll just do the same shit to her again.
Don't write to her. But maybe journal about it to vent.
Nope. I don’t think so. He’s trying to bring her back under his control. He gets off on the power of it. It is best for her to change her number.
It's a power play.
I would hope he doesn't find out about this yet then cause this would be a deal breaker for me and I would no longer want to online together ?
Here’s a terrifying thought, imagine being treated like this by someone you met for the first time. Psycho right? Gonna kill you? Probably. People like this get people used to their abhorrent behavior, one step of abuse at a time. Like frogs dying in a pot of boiling water.
Sounds like you are because you keep trying to talk to him about what's going on with him and the other woman.
He's already said he doesn't want to talk about it. You don't need to know because it doesn't affect you. You're not in a relationship. Why not find a local man who wants to be with you?
Honey. I was an idiot and didn’t leave fast enough. Don’t be an idiot. Run. Run. Run.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Me (35f) and my husband (37m) have been married for 10 years. Last year, we moved out of our first home. It was a tough decision since we had moved in there as newlyweds, had our kids there, etc. It was especially hard for my husband because it was his also his childhood home (he and his family moved there when he was 12, they sold it to us right before we got married.). Even so we both mutually agreed that we needed more space for our family.
We sold the house to an older couple (60s) their daughter (mid20s) and her child (5). The couple explained that they planned to mainly online with their oldest child in Florida while spending the hottest of the summer months up here. Their daughter would be the main inhabitant of the house, as well as the one paying the mortgage, utilities, etc.
Our old house was built in the 70s and has a lot of quirks. My husband told them if anything went wrong at the house to give him a call, he’d see if he knew how to fix it or give them the number of the repair people he usually used.
Everything was fine for a few months until December. Something happened with the heating. It was during a very cold spell and it was just the daughter and her child. My husband went over and fixed it, it was a relatively easy fix. After he came home, he remarked how nice it was to be back at the old house and how much he missed it.
Since then, I feel like he’s looked for reasons to go back there. He went over again to check on the heating to make sure everything was working right the next time it got cold. Among others- He went over with our youngest child to go sledding, saying our youngest enjoys hanging out with her child but there is a 4 year age difference so although yes I know our child has fun with them I don’t think they exactly asked for a playdate.
My husband says I’m overreacting. I think I have the right to have some reservations about this, so we’re looking for objective outside perspectives to see which one of us is being unreasonable.
Probably got her hands full
That's a good idea. I thank you so much! I also want to feel special when he speaks to me.
Not every person comes on here to give the crowd all the juicy side details of their life’s drama, which seems to be what the majority of this sub wants to hear. OP is here to get advice for the issue presented and is able to reflect on that advice in their own way. No need to be rude to them because you have a different way of approaching your problems. (:
At the end of the day no one did anything wrong but also the longer you wait to talk to your dad about it the harder it's gonna be
Yeah I think poor OP forgot to pay her brain bill.
Sure if your partner is okay with it it’s fine, relying on porn to get off sounds like porn addiction to me. Honestly I view it as disrespectful in a relationship but to each their own.
As above, but I would ask him how he is going to make it up to, or at least apologise to those that he bullied.
Is he seeing a counsellor or is he prepared to discuss past behaviour/why he wants to change.
Talk with your wife and establish the boundries that are not negociable to you, i.e. you don't want him in your house until further notice/don't want to come home and the end of a long day and him be there for dinner unexpectedly.
that you will make an attempt purely for her, but its going to take time.
Has your friend actually spoken to your wife in detail, has her brother admitted to his behaviour?
How is this a stupid reason? It's not. It's a pretty big deal: he is constantly distracted and not able to put his full focus on you. The way someone is able, or unable, to converse with you, and how they prioritize you during an interaction, are pretty basic, important things not only in romantic relationships but in relationships in general. He is on a date with you, but he prioritizes those other people he is writing to/reading from, constantly. That's not a small thing, that is pretty big, IMO.
Lose 200lb right away by telling him to fuck right off ?
She definitely wants to either have swing experiences or open relationship back… you need to decide if you want to risk her cheating on you down the line.. she will tell you what want to hear but she will evidently cheat on you at some point.. find you a loyal faithful girl that just wants you.. because it isn’t her..
Honestly, it doesn’t matter why he is doing these things. Maybe he’s married, but does that really matter? If you don’t like the way this relationship works and he isn’t open to fixing it, then move on. You don’t want to settle for any relationship that isn’t strong with communication and commitment.
You could make the same argument to men. And include child support. Higher probabilities, higher risk, basic math.
The problem with lack of communication is it could literally be anything. He could be in the hospital, he could be ADD, he could be so caught up in work he doesn't realize that much time has actually passed, he could be thinking he offended you in the last conversation you had and he's waiting for you to reach out to start the next one, he could be thinking the same thing you're thinking “it's been 2 weeks why hasn't she messaged me, does that mean she's not interested?”
I could write “it could be” all night and there's no way to know.
You have to ask him. Nobody on reddit is gonna be able to tell you more than ever-more-creative guesses.
This is a night time deal, not a relationship
Sounds like you might be incompatible unless he has legit reasons for not seeing you any other times. If it’s just bland excuses then that’s not a good idea for relationship material. I thought I was in a relationship once with someone who ONLY ever came over to my place when he wanted to crash and screw. We had some decent conversations which is what attracted me to him initially. So, I really liked him but he never invited me to the bar he was going to or to his place when he was playing guitar or hanging with his kid, or watching baseball. I found out pretty quickly that he didn’t give a shit about me and I was just a booty call. He ended up being super disrespectful and just said stuff to get into my pants. I’m super trusting of people and think they want the best of something or someone like I do, but this is not always the case. Or should I say, it’s not usually the case. I usually saw this dude after 9pm, and honestly in my case it was usually at 1am when the bars closed and my place was closer to him than his place was.
Well I “hold her to them” by if she doesn’t want to online life that way I leave. It’s a relationship.
You’re young. Rip the bandaid off. Focus on yourself. Like you said, you planned your future around her. Start planning your future for yourself. Once you like yourself and where you’re at in life, suddenly you’ll be kicking yourself for staying so long in an unhappy relationship.
My parents argued a lot and had genuinely messed up marriage. Because of this I thought relationships were really hot work. I was your age, engaged to someone who wasn’t right for me and I moved out of state because we kept getting back together. I was single for a long time but I had a cool job, traveled extensively and just had lots of fun. If I had stayed with him I probably would have been divorced with a kid that he abandoned (he’d already done that with his first wife and child). Life is is too short to be chained to someone who doesn’t treat you well. And if I stayed with him I never would’ve met my husband. It isn’t easy but he is loving and respectful. We’ve been together for 23 years and I still adore him. Best wishes for a fun future
But we don't know if he did or if he did in a non confrontational way ie just not responding.
I referenced the previous conversation because it colours OPs interpretations of bf's convos with this girl. Would she be this upset if it was a male friend or an unattractive lady for example or would she just eyeroll and be like “your mate” about it.
Your partner's ex is a completely different kettle of fish because they are the ex. If they are trying to stay friends for whatever reason and there is ex history then of course you shouldn't even joke about it. You should also like not reminisce about couple things you did or whatever while two old friends chatting about friend days are totally fine.
Don’t you mean “EX-boyfriend?”
I do have most of his shirts but after a wash they don’t smell like him anymore so they are now just my shirts lol.
He cheated and for some odd reason you are putting up with it by staying
I got a weird “welcome to AITA!” auto message last week which is weird because I’ve been banned for a couple years, at least. Nothing else. I went and made sure I was I unsubbed because I don’t need that kind of bother.
Yes. Just leave. And for goodness sake dont have sex with her anymore, last thing you need now is to bring a child into this.
The fact he is older too is weird.
Yes! Know your worth ??
Everyone has preferences, and is perfectly fine to not want to date someone who doesnt take relationships seriously, and sleeps around.Thats the normal actually.
But regardless, he could have perfectly end it with a “cant date you because of your past” instead of coming up with all of that he did. He is an asshole, not worth it.
He is on the hospital because of what HE done. Nobody else put him there
You are at no way at fault for his actions. Just stay kind and firm.
Ehm….what? Relationships are a two-way street…. Why would you say that it's “in the hands of the man”?
Men are the gatekeepers to relationships. Women are the gatekeepers to sex. Think of who's the deciding factor for the acts. Women decide to allow you to have sex with them. And men decided to ask you to be in a relationship with them.
Given how he reacted to her telling him that they'd have to start using it again, and him saying “she can't just make these kinds of decisions”, they clearly were on the same page.
Or, maybe he said you can't make those kind of decisions yourself because he was under the impression she never stopped taking BC, which is why I asked.
He could have always used condoms if he wanted protected sex, or could have stayed abstinent if he wasn't ready for kids.
I mean, she could have just not had sex with him. Sure there's plenty he could have done, but at the end of the day, it was her decision to have sex with him regardless of what he did or did not do.
NAH unless you're nagging her about it. You're allowed to share your feelings about this. Once. And then you take her answer for what it is and let it go.
Would it make sense for me to Block her and remove her from my own friend server then? I included her in my friend server out of courtesy but at this point Kicking and Blocking feels really cruel.
You've done all you can. You've given her a chance and she's not meeting your needs in a relationship.
You're not projecting problems. Your emotions are telling you that you aren't happy in this relationship and you're noticing patterns that you don't like.
It's perfectly normal to have doubts about how you feel after a shitty past relationship. It's a tough thing to get through but you'll make it through. It just takes time.
Surround yourself with people that lift you up. You're not “too sensitive”, you're working on yourself and that's admirable.
I wish you nothing but the best.
18 year olds know that messing around with their sibling's partner is wrong, not sure why she's getting a pass here.
They're both trash, hot to imagine a bigger betrayal. If it was me I'd cut them both off permanently, tell my parents so they know why you won't be in the same room with her again then move on with my life without those raging trashfires in it.
Go scorched earth, out everything and check if you can sue Jim under your state's alienation of affection law (if they have it). Lose the wife obviously.
Since the break up, it’s awkward to even be around him.
Tell her just to block them and don't dwell on it.
Block and remove them from her life and carry on with divorce
I'd be concerned she's self medicating for something.
I love this subreddit. It is so fake, but I do like seeing and reading what some folks put out there as I go to sleep. And if it’s real? (It isn’t)
You are a stud who works out for a woman who can get breast implants and bounce back that day.
Get fucked
This guy has never been stable. Regardless of his words, his actions show that you aren't his priority now there is a child in the mix. It would be cruel to drag a child through this will they or won't they relationship. Focus on a decent co-parenting relationship. This isn't going to be a fairy tale ending. The sooner you accept that, the better you and your child will be.
Explain how a relationship is abandoning your parent.
im 110% you can find someone better
life is too short to settle for someone who brings you down
She didnt tell you “the story.” She told you a story that is going to be far from the truth. She got banged out.
My insecurities are *not actually the issue
Now I’m starting to think my insecurities are actually the issue. I also think it’s unfair to say that because i has childhood “abuse” I should not have relationships or be married. I admit going to the strip bar maybe wasn’t the best, but now I Agee with everyone, the strip bar shouldn’t have been a priority, I should be the priority.
Lord. As someone who has had a large age gap relationship, actually this exact number of years, and I was about your age when I was in it:
You really, really need to think long and hard about if you want to continue in this relationship. It's not just a couple years difference, 16 is a much wider range of emotional and life experience gaps. You were still a newly minted adult when you got with a grown-ass man significantly older than you.
I know, he probably said and did all the right things, made you feel beautiful and important and special and different because you were more mature than other women your age. They're good at that, too good in some cases. Still young and moldable to what he'd like you to be.
Now, you're getting older, you've seen more of life, you're a parent, you have a new perspective. Seems like you're starting to smell the bullshit he's shoveling. Is that something you want to continue with? Do his good qualities outweigh the bad, if you're truly honest with yourself?
When I came to a crossroad like this in that relationship, I had been in it for several years and I had become a very different person. I quit doing the hobbies I enjoyed, I stopped doing things with my friends, I didn't go to family functions because they all hated him anyway so it was just easier not to, I based pretty much everything I did on making it easier to deal with him, while he felt free to continue doing what he always did. That's no way to online life.
Just a little food for thought.
She just could be the type of person that needs anyone’s and everyone’s attention to feel validated.
You’ve asked her if she was interested dating, she said no. So it’s a friendship, which you’ve stated.
Is she trying to be an influencer’? Building her ‘brand’?