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Date: October 3, 2022
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First of all big hugs Learn from this and move forward.
I also have a very high sex drive while my bf is honestly close to being greyace. We’ve had to learn to find a balance in our relationship and it is SO very hot. We still struggle with it but we also talk it through.
Me understanding that him saying no isn’t him rejecting me, saying I’m unattractive, not good enough, or pretty enough helps a lot. I’ve had to go to therapy for it. He’s found many other ways to let me know he finds me beautiful and attractive. For many women we’ve had SO much value placed on our sexuality and whether or not we are sexually attractive, that we automatically associate that with love. A lot of women, myself included, think that if our partner doesn’t want to have sex with us all the time or every time we do, that they don’t find us attractive or don’t love us as much as we love them.
It takes a long time to relearn what love actually is and what it looks like. Being sexually attractive and appealing is hardwired into us from an early age.
You feel like shit because he's conditioned you to believe that his behavior is fine and he's not the problem you are. Honey he clearly has serious rage issues. YOU THINK ABOUT STAYING AT WORK SO YOU DONT HAVE TO GO HOME BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID OF HIM. You are better off without him he's abusive.
Thank you very much
these are some of the most difficult things to negotiate in a relationship.
we learn different attitudes about everything from our parents and our experiences.
if you cannot find a way to meet where it is comfortable to both of you, disaster lurks.
I wish I could give you more, but seemingly my husband and I were well matched in most aspects. I was more than happen to let him rebuild salvage cars to drive as he was thrilled to do that. Until he passed, I do not think we ever spent more than 5k on a car.
What I can say is that you both need to find that place.
yes
Right! I (f) was 43 dating a 30 yr old guy….the comments!!!!!
Lol why are you even asking that. Lol ask yourself that and you should have your answer but also everyone has weird hobbies as long as no one is getting hurt,cheating, or taking it too far or being to weird. Idk some girl tell me she likes to collect hair I don’t think I can sleep with 2 eyes closed
wtf is wrong with your sister? Does she want to be your husband instead of you for his BMW?
I’m a SAHW and buy my husband small gifts with his money but he appreciates them nonetheless. Jeez
I’m the exact same way. I worry if I don’t get a text that he made it to work that something horrible happened. No matter how much I tell myself I’m being irrational, I can’t push it all the way out. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to ease up. If he can’t at least try to see your side, I’d say find someone more compatible. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle forever of worrying that something horrible happened because he refused to shoot me a text
I agree. It's funny she just told him about that after 5 years. OP has standards different from the gf. She made it clear at the beginning that they are basically similar but OP learned just recently that it was a lie. I doubt he'd even pursue her if he knew she was sleeping with another person during their talking stage.
You’re just a sugar daddy for her. He’s her boyfriend. Let me guess. You supply all the money all the goods. I think you’re being played.
I could encourage you by saying “you'll find someone better” and you probably will. But honestly? Being alone until I'm old and grey would be preferable to putting up with someone who calls me shitbag on a regular basis. Just get rid.
Perhaps this is the reason why his relationships stop.
Since Instagram doesn't tell you explicitly what posts are liked by your bf, how do you know he likes all these posts?
Stop hanging out with them so much, let husband go by himself.
You absolutely are overthinking, and you should rethink your toxic ideas about bi people. Being bi does not make anyone more likely to want to randomly explore outside of a happy relationship, nor does it make cheating more likely. If you’ve been happy together so far, that’s all you need to think about.
I’m a bi woman and I’ve never been with a woman outside of a few dates, and I just don’t think about what it might be like, because I’m happy with my boyfriend. The only difference is sometimes we talk about how some girls in video games are super cute, or discuss previous girl crushes.
Ew dude
I only just began therapy last year and I’m in search of my second ever. I didn’t mean to give the impression I’m jumping all over the place. The last one was just unorganized and would forget to show up to our appointments, forget to cancel ones I requested to and then I’d be charged for them and have to call and explain a few times. Other than that, she was great. I just couldn’t handle the logistical shortcomings.
I mean that people are going to flirt and sometimes it gets sexual. If that’s what you enjoy, you don’t have to change it to fit a category. If you don’t mesh and he only wants to flirt with women for sex, well that’s better to know
Start calling him “Pindick” and tell him it’s the best/only name that fits.
Yah
By chance could her weight gain br caused by ant- depressants? Depression is one problem that can lead to weight gain, but anti- depressant can essentially with your appetite in a major way as well. If so, encourage her to talk to her about changing her meds, and if he/ she doesn't listen, get her to change doctors. Found out that despite what my doctor told me, not all antidepressants act the same way for each person, so my wight gain could have been avoided if he just listened.
I wasn‘t in a situation like this but a similar one, I‘d give him everything while he wouldn‘t meet my needs, he couldn‘t be the man I wanted so I had to leave. Don‘t fall for someone‘s potential, face the truth and find someone who will understand your love language and act accordingly to it.
I feel sorry for that woman, too, then.
My girl.
I am very sorry that all of this is happening to you. I know it's a lot and is very hot. Stay strong.
So here's the thing: your ex-bf's mental illness(es) are HIS problem and ONLY his. He is responsible for handling them – that means getting them treated in whatever way is available. What's he doing to address those issues? Saying “sorry I was having an episode” doesn't mean much. You are letting him use it as an excuse to hurt you, and that's gross of him and 100% unfair to you.
So while he was on a call with you telling you how much he cares for you – he was messaging his ex. His ex he keeps claiming to have cheated on you with – whether he did or not- he deliberately tells you that in order to hurt you. His illness isn't an excuse. Stop letting him use it as one.
But really, what more do you really need to know?
Of course you still love him – that doesn't just turn off like a light switch, but you really need to absorb and understand what I am about to say to you:
sometimes love is not enough
Life is not a rom-com, and life and adult relationships have plenty of issues that come up for which love offers no solution. It's called the Sunk Cost Fallacy for a reason. In other words, don't hold on to a mistake just because it took a long time to make it.
You say this is your first relationship. Please believe me when I tell you that you deserve better and will definitely find better when you move on.
You're a rookie. You made rookie mistakes. Life lessons are always valuable. Chalk this one up in the L column and move on.
Good luck, friend.
antivax
Boom. Done.
Why are you marrying someone who would not stand up to their brother at your wedding?
The professor is the person you are marrying, not BIL.
BIL is going to continue with the jokes and even play practical jokes on your future events, holidays, everything.
I asked my fiancee if we could refuse him entry if he showed up in a literal clown outfit, and she was uncomfortable with that idea
The last resort is not talking to photographers, it's canceling the fucking wedding.
Sorry, but I would never marry someone who didn't set up reasonable boundaries with their family. Not showing up in a clown suit at your wedding is a reasonable boundary.
Is her brother the golden child and is she is some type of fog in which she thinks she has to treat him like he is a god or something?
Fair, maybe not coworkers but what about others? Yes I’d say my neighbours know about my family siblings etc. and here’s the thing – people are not gonna come up to OP and shame him or something, what they’ll do is slow fade. Because all of us do that when faced with awkward situations that have nothing to do with us – we avoid them (in this case OP).
I’ll be honest… it sounds like you went looking for an unstable woman and then got upset when she was, in fact, unstable. Your lines about “I wanted to save her” and “women who are more emotionally unstable are more sex positive” tells me you wanted someone with issues and baggage.
And while I do believe that type of conspiracy is a red flag, and shows some major lack of judgement, I have concerns that you thought you would swoop in like a knight in shining armor and then she would just conform to whatever you wanted for the sake of getting you to stay. Your edit literally says so.
It was definitely a very strange thing to watch from the sidelines.
Hey OP, is this the person you want to be in a relationship with? What happens if, by accident, you end up pregnant? What happens if you cannot or do not want to abort? Are you willing to share 50/50 custody with a man that you know for a fact will hit your baby? Is this the kind of person that you want to be in a relationship with?
That isn't gaslighting.
That's just lying by omission and later coming forward with the truth. I'm not saying it's fine, it's just not gaslighting.
In my opinion, the fact that he has a gigantic folder of porn all organized into very specific categories is already a red flag. The fact that some of it includes images used to portray very young girls makes it so much worse. He was most likely hiding all of this from you because he knew how you would feel. You were disgusted and horrified to find this out, which is completely normal. Do not excuse this behavior by thinking that the fact that you were raped as a 3 year old would “impact” your judgement. You said you felt like the guy you found out he was isn’t the guy you fell in love with, and unfortunately that feeling will never go away if you stay with him and go through with getting married. You cannot just forgive and forget this. Now you caught a glimpse of who he really is. You may have spent 7 years together, but that doesn’t mean that you should stay just because you’ve sunk so much time and effort into him. That is called the sunk cost fallacy. You are not overreacting. If your gut is telling you to leave, you should go.
Well, you’re not a passenger in the relationship. If you want something different, ask for it. And if she’s not willing to do anything different then you decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not.
At your ages, people usually know in a year or two if they’re a good fit, tend to move in together, and start talking seriously about marriage and future plans.
Of course cohabitating and marriage isn’t for everyone and that’s totally fine. But it kind of seems like you guys are stuck more like at early stage dating. Taking things slowly and insisting on being treated the way you want is one thing….but this seems to be moving at a glacial pace with little regard to your needs and feelings.
It kind of seems like you’re more of an activities director than a boyfriend to her.?♀️
His body, his choice.
Tell his fiancée and let her decide who’s right ?
Yeah I was fairly sure it was fake after the first couple comments but it was still entertaining so can’t complain. Wish people would be a little more subtle though, trolling is an art.
Sometimes Redditors know where something should have been posted. My bet is that she's exaggerating what her daughter stripped from the bed/bath suite in hopes that it would spark fury instead of applause (Sometimes burning a bridge takes too long and you need to just blow it up ?) but even if it's completely true, my only concern is for the daughter's legal situation….but it would be a civil matter and OP certainly can't afford a lawyer, so…..
For sure, I can completely understand that. It’s not for everyone. But some people enjoy being someone’s only person. And I think definitely calling the way they are a negative is what sucks. It implies that introverts who only want one or two friends should “fix” themselves.
And I think that sucks, but from the sound of it, being with someone like that would suck for you. Which you also shouldn’t have to do as well lmao
Sorry if I was super sarcastic in the beginning. I’m just kind of an introvert in the same way. For the same reasons. So I took it a little too personally in fairness
I have a daughter about a year younger- she’s traveled in Europe solo (with a female friend the same age.) We have also traveled a bunch in Europe with her. We did a lot of safety preparation with her. I am pretty safety focused in general. She still had some issues while traveling but she had a blast and we’ll support her to go again. You’re parents need to understand that they are in danger of losing you- not to a European villain, but from you running away from their oppression. To their credit, letting go of you is really very hot. To them, you were a baby yesterday- I can relate, and you will too someday. It might help to make a safety plan with them and attempt to get them your page about how you’re going to keep you’re self safe and happy.
You can’t apply other people’s shit onto everyone. I feel like you projecting onto him has caused him to disconnect. Stop trying to control other people. That’s also a sign you aren’t compatible. Imo he has unspoken issues he’s hiding but you’re not in the right either
Both yall insecure as fuck.
Breakup, figure your shit our, hopefully he'll do the same