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Emma, 18 y.o.
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Date: December 28, 2022
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From your other replies it seemed like she didn’t recommend divorce. I think y’all just panicking cause things are currently bad in the relationship??? But I think more context is needed because maybe your husband is struggling more than what he is telling you if the therapist feel like going over sessions is necessary
He really is the love of my life and I can’t imagine my life without him.
Can you imagine the rest of your life with no sex?
Iv
Hey now, shit can be very useful, be it fertilizer or health indicator or something else. I'm not convinced this guy comes close to being as helpful as shit.
I think you are being a little too naked on yourself. BUT I would probably go hang out and drink till 10 and be home waiting for him when he gets home.
Appreciate you, I’ll see if I can bring it up when I see him tomorrow
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I’m only saying that’s how it comes off to me being told not to show affection the way I do it best and being given no alternative course of action, I’m being prevented. I’m not trying to force anyone to do anything, that feels uncomfortable to even read.
Thus far I’ve gotten her a grand total of 6 items- 2 small cologne vials she asked for, and then their corresponding lotions and soaps. They were in the same bag from the same trip, I didn’t make 6 separate trips. I’m purposely not overloading her with things because I don’t want to make her feel like I’m either love bombing her or otherwise being manipulative/suffocating, really and truly. The other things have been “please get me a juice/my mom a cigar/lighter/etc.,” things I’ve been directly asked to get rather than seeing them on a whim and getting them.
Not to be obtuse genuinely, but if I’m supposed to adapt to her, why can that not be expected of her as well pertaining to me? What makes it so the onus is on me to not express love a certain way for someone else, but I have to contort what I do so they’ll feel a specific way (positively, of course)?
No flowers, just move on. She doesn't want to hear from you.
It’s a very unreasonable request from your mom. My dad cheated on my mom all my life. They finally divorced way after I was married. There are other things different in my situation however your dad is still your dad just like your mom is still your mom. She can be as pissed and hate him as much as she wants and she doesn’t have to be around them or tolerate them etc. That is her choice but she can’t dictate you, a grown man, who you have a relationship with. She can’t make you choose between them.
Now if you tell her you love them both and he is still your dad just as you love her & she’s your mom you can’t just throw him away. But if she gets angry and doesn’t you around then that is her choice to make.
Believe me I know this feeling. She is putting you in a no win situation. No matter your choice you’ll only have a relationship w one parent. I feel she’ll withdraw from you saying you love the AP wife more than her. I know because my mom in just as irrational.
My best advice is to tell her how much you love her. How much you want her in your life. And want nothing to come between y’all. Then tell her how much you love your dad and how much you want him in your life. That just because you still want a relationship w your dad doesn’t mean you’re choosing his wife over her. Tell her how important your relationship w your brothers and don’t want to be torn from them either.
Tell her you acknowledge how dad messed up but you don’t want to loose either parent and that she’s putting you in an impossible situation forcing you to choose. Then tell her you choose both of them and hope she understands your decision. Then tell her how important a relationship w both of them will be when you give them grandkids one day. Tell her how important it will be for your kids to know both their grandparents.
Most times divorced parents do this to young kids when divorced because they can’t understand the situation and they’ll have to choose because 1) they don’t know better & 2) they can’t drive and go visit them as they choose to.
Just be honest w both of them. After that you have done the right thing. Then if either don’t want a relationship w you after that then it’s all on them. It’ll still suck but you won’t have made that choice. I wish you the best.
The paternity test is the only way forward, do not have another child with this man until you two go to therapy
This is really really good advice. I needed someone to tell me this at the same age.
Yeah I'm pretty much done with all that nonsense with my coworker. This past week we changed offices and we're no longer working together in the same environment. I've had frank discussions with her and I understand my naivety now.
I'm in therapy now and on antidepressants that are helping quite a bit. I've reached out to some old friends to see if they wanted to hangout but they're either in different states or never replied.
Leave it alone till he is ready to own up to what he said.
Letting him slide does him no good in the long term. DO NOT TEACH HIM DOUBLING DOWN on being an asshole works
That's extremely mature way to break up. Even if he didn't really mean it. You're focusing on the post at you're age probably gave him uncomfortable vibes. Like why is she looking at my posts and bringing it up. Did you want him to have an emotional breakdown? Are you looking for signs that he still pines for you and “the one that got away”?
Very weird post, but I guess you have to vent somewhere.
Considering my family asks about him and wants to see him, i would say yes. My sister was almost in tears when i told her he didn’t want to come this weekend.
The OP's post you responded to, was OP trying to reassure himself that they did not have sex. It was not a statement of truth, simply telling himself that his view of his gf is not a complete lie.
Here’s the issue stop worrying about everyone else, they are all adults and as much as you want to be peacemaker it’s not your job. Just focus on your son and what he needs.
Uh huh, convenient excuse, I'd dump her life's too short and your too young to sign up for this drama. She ain't worth it. She will cheat again.
Yeah when guys care more about their friends then u, get out quick. Usually it means they will neglect u in other ways.
You don't even need to confront him about it. You guys broke up, he can do whatever he wants and you should stop chasing after him.
The healthiest thing for you to do is to cut any contact with him, you don't need that person in your life.
I disagree. I wouldn't speak to him again. I'd have a rape kit done at the local hospital, file a police report, get a restraining order, and get my stuff with a police escort. This man clearly is abusive, and his treatment of her may get worse if she tries to confront him or ends things without police present. OP needs to run from this abusive rapist and get counseling for the trauma she's sustained. She did nothing to deserve this, and you're exactly right that she doesn't deserve any of the blame here.
OP. Reread what you wrote. He cornered you and then attempted to make you the bad guy. EVERYTHING he did was calculated.
“Who do you think they will believe?” Get away from this guy as fast as you can. Next time he likely won’t stop at screaming at you, it will be you “made” him hit you (or he’ll feel entitled to “get even” with you for pulling his hair when he was threatening to OD).