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Room for live! sex video chat Submissive_gagging
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Date: December 31, 2022
oh now only a certain range of toys are acceptable to you?
he is very sweet and gentle around children. i’ve seen him around friends babies multiple times, he just gets close to their faces and wants to lick them. i said he’s not as well trained as i would like him to be, i never said he isn’t trained… he knows his basic commands and recalls. there’s just some things i could work on with him. that’s all.
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Chris Rock said it best in his song “No sex in the champagne room”
“If You're been dating a [woman] for four months and you haven't met any of her friends? You are not her boyfriend.”
You are the side piece im afraid 🙁
I'm sorry but anyone who leverages taking away someones child to change minor things like this is a complete asshole. And you're an asshole for agreeing with them
Usually I would say leave but if drinking was involved I would say give it a try if he will stop drinking.
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What if he married her and they had kids and then she decided she was gay and left him to “explore?”
It's happened in several couples I know.
That's why he noped out of the situation.
and while he might have been extreme by saying bisexuals are actually gay, it happens and it doesn't make him homophobic.
He didn't say he hated bisexual/gay people. He just doesn't want to date one.
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Are you positive that she's being flirty, and not just friendly or nice? But what you mentioned in the other comment is true as well, us women are painfully aware of how we can't be sure if someone is genuinely being a friend or just staying close waiting for their chance to hook up =/
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I know others have said it. But, please don't seek any further advice from reddit. This feels way too complex for majority teens/young adults on reddit
Sounds like two grieving people doing some crazy shit because of grief.
It happens, should it have happened? I dno, I don't know you, your wife or her sister.
Take a deep breath, it'll be okay.
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I think now is far better then closer to her father's death.
I think the generous thing to do is to –
Find a different place to live and see if you can end your lease, she can live at her dad's it sounds like? Maybe look around for other apartments for her. Let her know you are moving and would like to assist her in packing as well. Pack your things, leave amicably and let her know you hope you can be supportive.
You stayed thinking this could work. I would remain acquaintances until you seriously date someone new and then quietly unfriend/unfollow her on social media. This should be well after her father has passed.
That seems super generous but you did consider staying. I'd just be as helpful as you can in a short duration and available for emotional support, preferably via text.
Yeah, what he did is a pretty big deal. This dude doesn't sound safe. That kind of selfish decision making and the willingness to change your entire life means he can't be trusted.
I suggest you move on. Look be open with the next guy because yes it's important information for him to know.
Yeah, what he did is a pretty big deal. This dude doesn't sound safe. That kind of selfish decision making and the willingness to change your entire life means he can't be trusted.
I suggest you move on. Look be open with the next guy because yes it's important information for him to know.
You can care a lot for someone without being in love with them. It is really hard to break up with someone you care for because you feel like a terrible person for hurting them. Just like you wouldn’t want to make your friend sad.
It’s absolutely not your responsibility to help her with that tho.
To make it easier for both of you cut contact while you focus on healing.
You can care a lot for someone without being in love with them. It is really hard to break up with someone you care for because you feel like a terrible person for hurting them. Just like you wouldn’t want to make your friend sad.
It’s absolutely not your responsibility to help her with that tho.
To make it easier for both of you cut contact while you focus on healing.
Honestly the guy is literally almost purple, like he’s literally the dictionary definition of juiced to the gills ?
None of this is even remotely okay. OP your girlfriend sounds verbally and physically abusive. I don’t like her at all, based on what you’ve written about her. Dump her, because you deserve so much better than this manipulative, judgmental, and frankly trans/homophobic person.
??♀️ not your fault. Don’t give in.
I would that you RUN! This man more than likely has a felony conviction since he is not buying the gun himself. Nobody shoots game with a handgun I am assuming that is what he wants to purchase. The second warning is his baby fit, this person is up to no good and possibly is a narcissist. RUN fast as you can, I was married to someone like this please think about it!
Those cultures generally expect a 24 year old living at home to contribute to the household. OP doesn't drive, which is a huge inconvience, and doesn't seem to pay rent or bills? Or mention doing household chores?
OP is old enough to find her own rides and save up for a car etc. She's also old enough to move out if every disagreement turns into a giant fight with her parents. (Truthfully, it's surprising they haven't just kicked her out if her being there creates so much stress. OP isn't owed free housing + rides.)
I'm not worried about my safety per se. I'm sure he won't do anything to me. I'm worried he will be isolated and react poorly. I encouraged him to talk to some friends but he's also not the type to rant out.
You can’t shake the feeling that you were wronged because you were really hurt and that sucks.
My advice is to really savor the suckiness (you are doing that by making this post), get it out of yourself by writing some poems or songs, go for long runs, maybe even sleep with a stranger or two and just sob all over that unsuspecting person (all things I have done).
And then let it go. Yes, you can choose to do that. Your girlfriend was shit and she broke your heart but this exact same scenario has been and will be repeated thousands of times a year. It’s not that special, it just feels that way to you.
You have to move on. The alternative is to turn into a bitter lonely person
Oh I’d say one of them DOES know better.
Stop being the “cool girl”, it will only lead to your unhappiness.
Save it as evidence, tell him that he cuts all contact with you or you will report him for stalking. If he is that down bad that he writes a 4 page letter what do you think he will put that energy into if he keeps obsessing.
Have you tried dragging your wife to therapy with you?
I need an update now
or tell their partner all about it.
She didn't “tell” him until HE LITERALLY ASKED HER, POINT BLANK. So what, you think it's healthier to lie? Because snoopy OP was feeling insecure?
Thank you. Well I wanted to know whether anyone thought this was a bad idea, since I know nothing about it and not sure I could relate if we ended up starting a relationship.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. My experience says….she most likely will do it again. If you value integrity, look for another gf.
Reading this and your replies is really heartbreaking. This reminds me so much of my abusive relationship in my early 20s, the only difference is my ex was my rapist and beat me down so mentally and emotionally he blamed me for him raping me, said it was my fault.
You deserve so much better OP. You seem like a very sensitive person with a very kind and gentle heart. I used to cover for my abuser too because I didn't want people to judge our relationship or think poorly of him but he did so much damage to me, mentally, emotionally and occasionally physically. I'm 30 now and I only just reported the rape last year. I held that deep guilt scar very close to my chest and didn't tell anyone until 5yr later so I completely understand holding it in and burying it deep down. I'm still dealing with it 10yr later. You remind me a lot of myself when I was 20-21.
You are worth so much more, deserve so much more. He will not get better, he'll get worse. Please please please leave him, dump him, go completely non-contact, ANYTHING but do not go back to him. He doesn't have any redeeming qualities and you being with him for 5yr is nothing when you're so young. Someone will love you so much and support you the way you need, not abuse you. People who love you don't make you feel like shit they make you shine and feel safe.
Wishing you all the best
Try reversing the genders: I, a woman, moved in with my boyfriend. Now I can't do my hobbies or go out, because he gets upset if I do. It's a yikes, right?
Yeah, it's the same thing, OP. It's just harder t recognize how controlling and manipulative she is because she is crying and being all vulnerable, instead of hostile or angry. But this is a toxic relationship and you need to go back to doing your hobbies the way you did them before: if she's upset, well she's an adult person. She needs to regulate her emotions by herself. If she can't, it's therapy time.
Therapy for her, not couple's therapy. Never go to a couple's therapy with a controlling, toxic partner, they'll only weaponize it against you.
Try reversing the genders: I, a woman, moved in with my boyfriend. Now I can't do my hobbies or go out, because he gets upset if I do. It's a yikes, right?
Yeah, it's the same thing, OP. It's just harder t recognize how controlling and manipulative she is because she is crying and being all vulnerable, instead of hostile or angry. But this is a toxic relationship and you need to go back to doing your hobbies the way you did them before: if she's upset, well she's an adult person. She needs to regulate her emotions by herself. If she can't, it's therapy time.
Therapy for her, not couple's therapy. Never go to a couple's therapy with a controlling, toxic partner, they'll only weaponize it against you.
What's going on with this sub recently? People in the comments are displaying a psychotic level of jealousy and can't seem to think rationally.
EW.
Why are you staying with a 30 year old absolutely disgusting pervert? Yeah maybe therapy will help but come on. You even admit yourself you think he gets off on these women being uncomfortable, disgusted, or even scared. How would YOU feel if you knew you couldn't even grocery shop in peace in your town because some strange pervert would follow you out of the store with a phone camera glued to your ass cheeks???
And you're still supporting him???
I don’t see what you can say to your friend. It’s one of those situations where you didn’t do anything wrong but he’s going to be very upset and think the worst. Just give it time and he might get over it.
You and Mia should probably take the risk and try dating. You two seem to have something.
I can online with that, but I only disagree in the sense that I do feel for the OP. she's between a rock and a hard place, and there is no easy answer, I can definitely relate to feeling at the end of my tether as a mother, its just there is no easy solution where everyone is happy here. She needs help, lots of help, emotional support, and physical real life help.
That is a cool project! And I’m laughing at the idea that you were so upset you had to crochet ? it really helps with my anxiety so I totally understand!
Fuck that fiancé? Marriage? God you are 20 ???
this might be a dumb question but is it normal to text many girls because of this?
She let you know her ex will always come first. You are smart enough to opt out. In a relationship you should always put each other first—at least in any relationship I’d want.
It’s been a year since “the kiss”, you’re in counseling, and she’s pregnant. I think it’s time to make a decision. If after all that you are still unsure I think you know your answer. Time to stop dragging it out.
It’s been a year since “the kiss”, you’re in counseling, and she’s pregnant. I think it’s time to make a decision. If after all that you are still unsure I think you know your answer. Time to stop dragging it out.
In a lot of places that won’t even rent you a room.
Sounds like he’s not that interested.
Thank you.
My wife (his mother) worries that he's part of some cult because he spends his evening and weekends on the computer, he rarely joins us for dinner any more.
I wouldn't expect an 18-year-old to be, and would honestly be somewhat concerned if they were
Is it possible he is part of a super hero group?
I mean it's casual so I don't expect him to be and I don't want a boyfriend but yea would feel nice to feel wanted lol. Especially as it didn't start as just fuck buddy's. Not sure how to proceed
So what you are saying is that there are circumstances where knowing the other party when they were a minor is ok…
I agree with many comments here, something isn't adding up with this story. Seems like a chunk of information isn't here and it is pretty confusing. I can't really make a full comment about it.
With that said I can mostly comment on this: If the son doesn't want contact and you have been trying to reach out, he shouldn't be angry or upset he missed the family picture. Yes, he is your son and seems to be in a place of hurt, but if he doesn't answer or want to talk, why come now and be angry that he was left out? He wanted to go with no contact.
How did the ages of both you and your husband change between the title and the first line of your post ?
Set boundaries He comes home on breaks takes care of child. No girlfriends or partying…
Took two to make the kid he does not need another..
Along with the fact your sacrificing your life and time with hubby 24 ..7 raising another kid.
Hope things work out for you all.
Honestly part of the conversation we had at the end of the date was how we could be in a more healthy relationship, and therapy for both of us was brought up. As well as some other things
Yes, i pee right after sex. Also we went a month without sex because I was so sick and I continued to get UTI. Also my std screening came back clean 2 times in our relationship assuming that he's clean even though he's never been tested.
Press charges and leave your trash BF behind. Even if he wasn't man enough to handle business, he should have AT LEAST called the cops and let them deal with it.
Sounds like you have made everything about pleasing her from day one of your friendship and now that is who you are to her as “her safe space”. You are someone there to make her happy with her really offering nothing in return…….except verbally assaulting you for not wanting to fuck her with another guy and minimizing you over your own trauma.
You really need to break up with her, work on your very understandable issues from past trauma, and when you are ready, find a healthy relationship.
Also, what do you mean about the threesome with her friend and her boyfriend at the beginning of your relationship? Did she like cheat on you first thing?
Exactly and don't tie yourself to a family that makes such demands by moving onto their grounds. Each time he'll want something hell remind you that you are living on his land
No, and that’s kind of a childish thing to think in the first place. If anything you might get taken more seriously once you turn 21 and can drink.
I agree with your family about the 36 year old. I’m 37 and I look at 19-20 year olds like they might as well be high schoolers. Absolutely still children. If a 36 year old is willing to date a kid that young, they’re either super immature, a creep, or at best just fucking around and not taking anything seriously.
He just wants a bangmaid and cheap rent. Since he's so strapped for time she probably does most or all of the duties involved in maintaining a household.
reading other comments has taught me some things. Silica packets are actually useful for keeping things dry in storage (if you're in a humid place but I suppose anywhere), and stuff like that. I really had not considered keeping or using them ever before but that seems obvious now that I think about it.
And I guess it's common for them to give you a clipped lock of your pet's hair when you get a pet cremated. So the pet hair is actually not that weird, but I can imagine if OP has lost a lot of fur babies and has a very large collection of hair clippings in ziploc bags, it might have looked like serial killer trophies when her BF looked in the drawer and didn't know what they were. Now that I understand this it isn't really weird. Maybe he'll come around.
But you could be right, I don't know. Maybe there are a bunch of other peculiarities we don't know about and he hit a tipping point. Lots of things about me and my own family always seemed normal to me until other people were like “what the hell IS that?” so I might not be a good person to judge any of this lol.
…Well what’s the game?
…Well what’s the game?
If you think you’re needy, you probably are. Hobbies and friends will do you some good (irl, not video gaming). Get both and start spending time on them. If you work, take some schooling to help improve your skills or knowledge. Just do something for yourself to expand your horizons. If you get out and start socializing more and doing more, you will have things to think about that are not tied to your wife and home life.
If you think you’re needy, you probably are. Hobbies and friends will do you some good (irl, not video gaming). Get both and start spending time on them. If you work, take some schooling to help improve your skills or knowledge. Just do something for yourself to expand your horizons. If you get out and start socializing more and doing more, you will have things to think about that are not tied to your wife and home life.
I was in your shoes. You can help only those who want your help. Its not worth it to be the savior, have people in your life who doesnt come with drama.
Welcome to reality
This! All of this!
Stop blaming others OP. You are waiting doe your parents to welcome him with open arms while you've made zero effort.
I bet they welcome you sister's partner because they make the effort.
How often do you invite your parents over for dinner? How often do you make the plans for your entire family? Or pay for dinner when you go out? If the answer is not often then YOU need to take ownership of your situation. It sounds like YOU are hiding your partner away from your family.
It's been 15 years. Pull up your pants and go talk to your parents about it.
I think that ending the relationship would result in forcing me to put myself out there more. Not only socially but academically, creatively, etc. I think that being in a committed relationship for the duration of my entire college career has made me very comfortable and stagnant. I don’t feel a need to meet new people, or attend certain events because I know at the end of the day, my gf will be there and I always have somewhere to kind of return to. I think getting that independence back would help me to grow and focus more on myself. 18-22 are arguably some of the most formative years for people, and I almost don’t know if i’m doing myself a disservice by being very comfortable within those years. Like I think 20’s are for being uncomfortable and trying new things, and being in a long term relationship kind of prevents me from doing new things, because i don’t feel any need to step out of my bubble of stability. Those are my thoughts.
It sounds like you both need better communication. And I will always think that it’s never a bad idea to look at what you can do to make it better before shifting blame and criticism to your partner. (This doesn’t apply to situations where there is clear abuse)
It sounds like you are quick to be defensive. This is probably because she is frequently getting annoyed at you when you feel like you’ve handled the situation appropriately. And as it escalates you both feel justified in your upset because it’s escalated.
Next time try to not escalate. You can be firm without being defensive. I would try making the partner aware that there is another option. “You’re getting mad at me because you think I’ve not taken this reasonable step, when I feel I have done the right thing. Would you like to ask about it before getting mad?”
The other thing is if she gets overly annoyed at something you have done, but you don’t feel the result is justified. “I don’t think it’s fair that you speak to me that way when I’ve done x thing. You make mistakes too and I don’t speak to you that way, and so it’s not okay that you this to me”.
It’s about highlighting the communication being used, instead of trying to defend the issue being raised. By being defensive you’re basically just arguing back, no one is taking the step to be the bigger person. If you do get better at it, you may find she does to, as you’re both learning to better communicate and have better results.
If your family isn’t concerned about the financial protections, could it be the marriage part. You guys definitely need to put all your cards on the table about this.
So much this!! I’ve got an American accent and my boyfriend is British. He makes fun of me for calling it “soccer”, I tease him for saying “trousers”, but it’s all very lighthearted because we love each other and understand that different accents results in different pronunciations and words.
We were cooking recently and I asked him for the “o-REH-gano” and he was like wtf I’d pronounce it “o-re-GAH-no” so we googled it and laughed and that was it. No correcting, no “you’re wrong”. OP’s boyfriend is just a dick
I love that people feel there has to be an “answer” to everything and can't accept alternative views or conjecture.
Sounds like she's a mooch. Unfortunately I've dated this person.
You're allowing it to continue, so it will continue.
I would say set a clear boundary that anal will never happen again. Or just leave if it's that big an issue for you.
Their husband’s friend? Who only recently “took up photography”?
The explanation won’t help, believe me.
When you're 31 you aren't “dating behind your parents back”. You're a grown adult.
This wouldn’t be the hill I died on.
Therapy is for the victim of abuse, not the abuser. Stop making excuses for him.
And gettng rid of the dog? What is wrong with you?
You are enabling the behaviour of an abuser
No. Normally I would absolutely tell his wife, but don't F with a cop. They will destroy your life. You could try anonymously, but I wouldn't risk it. Just end it and move on.
I've never once said anything like that. Reading comprehension. I've also said I don't feel entitled. I'm not looking for an angle to work her around. I'm looking for some potential explanations. Some people have given some good ones. Yours is absolutely trash. Bangin on about social media posts. Childish
I would want nothing more than to focus on the present, but it’s sometimes difficult being confronted with the past on a daily basis. But like another commenter said, it probably will get better once wer’re not living together anymore. Thank you for sharing your experience though! It gave me comfort!
I do have experience. I’ve literally had to help family especially my mother with one because you can’t do them alone. You need help. Hearing her screaming in agony as she crushed my hand while I helped her through it is enough experience.
I actually haven't looked at your profile. I don't care about you to feel the need to stalk your posts or comments lol
You have yourself labeled as a teenager on here and automatically knew you were full of shit.
r/BDSMadvice
One thing is to say you want to adopt a baby regardless of race/ethnicity and another is to shop for a particular race/ethnicity that's not your own or partners. This is like a red flag without any rationale as to why.
Let's not beat around the bush…time to get good with the toys. They are always an ally after all.
Odd situation, and odd request.
To sum up my understanding. You don't pay rent and bills yourself, your parents do, and you're not asking your BF to make a contribution to your rent and bills to reduce what they're contributing. You want your BF to reallocate what he saves on rent and bills as a stipend to you personally.
Assuming my understanding is correct, you're acting entitled af.
There's a reasonable case to be made that he contributes to rent and bills to reduce your parents' burden, but suggesting that he just spend that sum on you instead is self-centred and gross.
Why don’t you…idk… stop giving her money/ your credit card? Seems like it’s pretty straightforward
You're not overreacting, people date to find out if they connect well, you two clearly don't. You're allowed to nope out if it's not a good fit.
(I posted this once but for some reason it isn't showing up when I look at the question. Apologies if it ends up posted twice.)
I offered to pay what I pay now in my solo apartment and the rest he can cover. This will be about 30% of my income and a tiny fraction of his.
I think that's a fair offer.
Regarding groceries and dates, I think you should discuss that. Let him know that you're concerned about it because you don't want to feel like you're taking advantage of him, but also don't want to hold him back from things he wants to do and can afford that you just can't afford right now.
If I were him, I'd just pay most or all of the groceries and the dates and just let you pay for your own personal things like clothes until you have more of an income, but the two of you need to work out something you both feel comfortable with. Doing that is a step toward a long healthy relationship.
You've been together a whopping 6 months and she is treating you like a sugar daddy.
I could absolutely understand if there was an emergency and she needed financial help, but her manicures and massages don't fall into that category.
This is classic. Soooooo many men fail to take responsibility for basic details in their lives. It’s as if they are incapable of making the leap into adulthood and would prefer to swap their mother for their girlfriend. Not only is his basic lack of oral hygiene physically unattractive (and disgusting), but so is his juvenile refusal to take any responsibility for it at all. I guarantee you he has zero flossing routine and certainly does skip brushing at any chance he gets. What is his self esteem like? Sounds like it needs some work. In the meantime? I wouldn’t sleep with him either and honestly I’d be questioning the relationship in general
I’m getting cheating vibes here.. especially because of his reaction. Who gets upset over this, I mean a rational person would listen to you. A liar/cheater would blow up.
Experience from being cheated on by 3 people.
How do you know he said that?
Eitherways, it’s quite rude to stare at anyone, to begin with.
You gawking at other guys while you have a bf is quite insincere towards your relationship and hurtful for your guy. And doin that shit this early in relationship ie during honey moon period wouldn’t help build any trust.
Even if you bring him back, his feelings for you wouldn’t be the same.
I’m sorry but you fucked up
He literally sees you as nothing more than a hook up, and he’s actually been honest about it.
Enjoy the perks I suppose, but continue this knowing that this isn’t ever going to be something serious. Be careful.
There wasn't an obligation per-say but you also were wanting to remain friends with her, hoping she would change her mind. If you were the one who made up your mind to start dating, you should have completely ended things with her on all levels.
Ultimately she just wanted a relationship on her own timetable. You did what you needed to do. She was upset you didn't cave to her. It is what it is. There was never winning in this situation, only ending the conflict sooner rather than later.
Yes I’m going to have to do this
He’s love bombing you.
Someone who loves you won’t test you. They’ll talk to you.
If he was worried, a year later, a person in a mature relationship would have talked to you. Not tested you.
You deserve better than this. He’s shown you how he handles things. That he’ll watch you physically deteriorate and mentally fall apart for his satisfaction. This is who he is.
Let me elaborate a little on this actually. The reason that this is unforgivable and likely to escalate is that his behavior and words indicate that he doesn't know how to process and deal with his own emotions. He may very well tell you about genuinely heartbreaking things that have happened in his past to lead him here, and you will likely feel empathy towards him.
The problem is that he has learned that verbal and physical abuse are acceptable reactions to your behavior. And that's just not true. Even if you were verbally and/or physically violent towards him, that wouldn't justify that treatment back, they would justify him leaving you. Violence and verbal abuse aren't acceptable in relationships, and until someone learns this, and learns how to process their emotions like an adult, they will be volatile and dangerous. They have learned to blame their bad feelings on you and then soothe their bad feelings by making you feel worse.
No matter how extreme it is, it's the PATTERN that is toxic. It doesn't matter if it's just some “harmless” name calling – if that is a go-to in anger, that is a red flag, period. It's an unhealthy and destructive way to process emotions.
Please do not accept this for yourself. Please make a safety plan and get out as soon as you can. Love absolutely exists without abuse, and you don't have to accept ill treatment from anyone. You deserve and can absolutely have better.
you shouldn’t have forgiven either of them tbh. let’s be clear you can never leave your girlfriend alone with anyone never mind your so called best friend because he’s capable of sneaking off and having unprotected sex with them!
You sound exhausting!
>I would love to marry her but I don’t think she’s Wife material
Define “wife material”? Are you looking for a bang maid?
>. I work a full time job explore my personal hobbies and make sure that I always have time for her. I drive, cook, and clean. As well as make sure I support, encourage, and care for her personal well being.
That's good. That's a good sign of “husband material”
> She works a full time job, only has 2 hobbies, knows how to cook 2-5 things, cleans after it builds up for a while( or unless told to do so).
And how is that bad (unless she's super messy).
> She doesn’t support/ encourage me as much as I’d like
How doesn't she support or encourage you?
>l. I feel like the same love and care I’m putting out I’m not receiving it in return.
IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS ONE SIDED, BREAK UP!
>But I’m not sure how I should tell her that she’s not wife material yet. She has the potential, but lacks the motivation.
Does she even want to be a wife? And what traits are you looking for in a wife?
I thought about that too and I think if I was in her position I would want to know.
You sound exhausting!
>I would love to marry her but I don’t think she’s Wife material
Define “wife material”? Are you looking for a bang maid?
>. I work a full time job explore my personal hobbies and make sure that I always have time for her. I drive, cook, and clean. As well as make sure I support, encourage, and care for her personal well being.
That's good. That's a good sign of “husband material”
> She works a full time job, only has 2 hobbies, knows how to cook 2-5 things, cleans after it builds up for a while( or unless told to do so).
And how is that bad (unless she's super messy).
> She doesn’t support/ encourage me as much as I’d like
How doesn't she support or encourage you?
>l. I feel like the same love and care I’m putting out I’m not receiving it in return.
IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS ONE SIDED, BREAK UP!
>But I’m not sure how I should tell her that she’s not wife material yet. She has the potential, but lacks the motivation.
Does she even want to be a wife? And what traits are you looking for in a wife?
Look at all the previous posts on this sub. People get divorced after opening their relationships.
Do you really want that picture of another man being intimate with your SO every time you look at her? That he could possibly be “better” than you or “bigger” than you? That she might be more compatible with him than with you? Do you really want to be the puppet paying the bills while your SO has her bread buttered on both sides?
Really? Where is your self respect?
I would tell her you're moving too quickly and that you don't think this is the right relationship for you.
I'd also recommend to date someone like 23+
Some people don't like oral sex. Some people don't like giving oral sex, or receiving oral sex. I hate receiving oral sex for example. Some people don't like blood as part of sex, even period blood.
If those sexual activities are requirements for a successful relationship for you, then break up with him. Otherwise, accept it and work around it.
You're an adult, act like one. You always owed him 50% of the rent but he was generous enough to cover you.
But did you really win if you’re constantly stalking her.
Do not let some man you barely know ruin a good trip. A month of free time around Europe is harder to come by the more you age, so it’d be a crime to throw it away. Enjoy it to the fullest. But if you are still together when you go don’t be the girl that cheats on him.
It's not hot to see that she's been triggered by your weight loss and she's feeling insecure. My guess is that she's constructed some portion of her identity around being the thin sister, and you've threatened that. This is dangerous ground where things like eating disorders live.
If you want her to stop, you need to tell her to stop. You don't need to justify or explain. “Please stop sending me pictures of your food and abs.” Keeps doing it? “I asked you to stop sending me these.”
4 months wasted, don't make it make it 5.
I would totally bring it up.
Don't take degradation from human trash. Remember, he concented and most likely advocated to it during the time. You need not heed the judgment from the snake in the garden.
Whether he’s doing it again or not, you need to get out. You should probably also get a new therapist because this one just invalidated your feelings and that’s not ok at all. Always go with your gut.
In your case, being in this relationship is hurting your mental health. It doesn’t matter if he’s cheating or not. You don’t trust him and you may not ever trust him. You can’t have a healthy relationship without that.
Even though this relationship and the last involved cheating, it’s not your fault. You deserve better.
He is a disgusting, pig. Doesn't matter if you own a home together. Get a lawyer, put your big girl panties on and leave him.
You had 2 bad runs, but there are plenty of men out there who won't cheat. Maybe your “picker” is off and you go after the same type. Get a therapist and fix your heart and your man picker.
Maybe you should focus on what you love to do that doesn't involve a romantic partner to get your mind off of it. Build yourself up and make yourself interesting by pursuing hobbies or joining clubs.
Due to the fact that I give a ton of advice on here and have seen many situations like this, I can assure you that this would bother a lot of people, but at the end of the day, anecdotes don't matter, because they're not you or your situation.
Personally, if my ex slept with someone after our break up, there would be no what if, because I probably wouldn't know, but I legitimately wouldn't care if I did, because the relationship is over. You're not in a situation where you need to say that it's not an excuse that it happened while partying. Why? Because you don't need to excuse what you did. You're single.
Did you mess up for good? Let's put things into perspective; you had a bad breakup. There's logically issues in the relationship that weren't addressed which led to this breakup. You sleeping around ruins the relationship for good? Whether you slept around or not, if you get back together are the issues now magically gone?
Well, her priorities are out of whack. Do the pets see the vet regularly? Are they fully vaccinated? If not, that’s a huge problem, if you can’t afford a place to online, how can you afford to properly care for these pets?
I don’t really see why people are saying there’s something missing here? She agreed to a marriage with a man who had no children and started their family from the ground up. Some people can’t do step kids. This is a giant wrench that’s been thrown into her life from out of nowhere. She would inevitably be responsible for a child that isn’t hers at some point if OP was to bring the son to be apart of their family. She doesn’t want him to be apart of that dynamic so she left. It makes sense to me.
Have you issued ultimatums before and then didn't follow through on them? Based on his reaction it sounds like he knows that regardless of what you're saying, you will still be with him (and your responses in this thread pretty much say the same).
Either way, this relationship is going to make someone unhappy after this. If he goes, he comes back and you're still with him, likely angry and resentful, which you will hold over him. He will also know that your ultimatums are just bluffs and you'll accept his behavior with no real consequences. Or, he doesn't go on the vacation and he resents you for trying to control him even though you “fully trust” him. It's a lose lose now, and you can't un-know the fact that he doesn't really care to consider your feelings about something like this.
Put the dog in a crate in another room. If you and your boyfriend don't get a handle on this, the problem will get worse. Dogs with separation anxiety and aggression are not happy dogs. If your boyfriend wants a happy dog, he'll address the issue with an experienced trainer.
Exactly, like are we 10! What a juvenile excuse! Smh…of all the excuses, this is the best he could have done? No restaurants etc to go to? Like come on dude, you're almost 50!
Op, get the STD test done while leaving this pathetic person.
Right I agree. I have a hard time bringing up uncomfortable things but I really feel agitated now and I want to just get out how I feel. Just my head is spinning and I’m trying to think of how I want to bring it up. I’m also very much in love with this girl and care about her deeply. I want to respect her and her life outside our relationship ship but I definitely feel like some boundaries are being crossed. And you’re right I need to establish them more clearly, and that’s on me. But I guess I just assumed it was a given that exes are exes and there’s no room for them in a healthy relationship. I don’t get what she doesn’t get about that. She’s also used some key words that are universally associated with red flags like “I don’t want you to worry about him, I’m done with him, it’s not like he’s going to try to win me back.” Thanks for your advice.
Was coming here to say this. It's often “just” a physical issue, not caused from mental issues or trauma. Talk therapy isn't going to do much if it's purely a physical issue.
I don't love the way the doctor said this like it's always caused by trauma so thank you for the addition.
In her defense, her dog died so she had to send a hard to her ex? Come on now. She also shouldn't need any sort of closure. If she does, it means she's in no position to be in a relationship.
It's honestly worse than you're making it out to be, but if you want to just focus on it being a red flag that she's not over her ex, I advise you to focus on exactly that, and treat a red flag for what it is; stop. Deal breaker. Run. You're scared of her not being by your side? You're 31 and she's been with you for less than a year. You obviously survived the vast majority of your life without her. Turns out she's a complete piece of shit. You need to acknowledge that. Good luck.
I agree the age difference at this stage is huge. At 20 I was definitely not taking dating this seriously and would get scared off by guys that were. This isn’t true for all 20 year olds but I was definitely still in my partying phase and when I’d date older guys who had careers etc it didn’t really mesh as I wasnt trying to settle down and stay in weeknights that most understandably were.
Also I think even now I’d be a little turned off by a guy falling so hard so quickly. It’d put up a little red flag for me like, is he just this interested in everyone he meets? Maybe in the moment she was enjoying herself but when she got home she thought it over and felt uncomfortable with it? It sucks to be ghosted but it was just one date so it shouldn’t be that difficult to move on from and just say she wasn’t the one, on to the next. OP should prob date someone closer to his age most people do a lot of growing between 20 and 26.
I try to compliment my girl whenever possible. My job is to help her up, not put her down.
That is reassuring. Thank you for your input!
I'm disabled and many people with my disability have negative experiences with those in her field. So I asked a family member not to tell people in that profession where I online without asking me first because sometimes people like me can get hurt or killed, and while it's not likely, it's still scary. The conversation was longer than this, obviously, but that was the jist of it, with a little, but not enough nuance/ information provided. This was boiled down into me thinking all people in her profession are killers.
Yeah. We’ve talked about this in counseling…Me wanting quality time and shared experiences, particularly as my full time career winds down…but her lack of availability, emotionally or otherwise due to her overnight shifts as a nurse…then finding out she’s spending time with other people. I honestly don’t think she’s having a physical affair, but she’s crushing me emotionally with her naivety and disinterest in what matters to me. This could have different with a simple conversation
I just don't want amything related to my bank account out in the general public.
I don’t think the issue is that your husband has a friend. The issue is that this very directly breaks the psychologist ethical code, and is illegal in most places. The psychologist KNOWS she is breaking the ethical code. This applies even though she stopped treating him. It doesn’t matter, it is still illegal.
Psychologists are often even technically ethically obligated to stop seeing patients they already have if they find out they have some sort of connection to them (For example: psychologist’s sibling starts dating a client’s sibling). I think in the US literally the only case they can keep treating patients if they have a connection is if there are no other available psychologists
Absolutely correct. Well said.
Congratulations! Start fresh. ?
I agree this borders on an inappropriate relationship, but “she has too much power to manipulate him?”
That’s not how therapy works. I’ve been in it for like over a decade now and not once has a psychologist told me what to do/think. They teach you skills that assist in challenging and reframing thoughts, especially negative self talk/intrusive thoughts. They teach you to understand the difference between a thought vs an emotion/feeling.
I really hope you’ve never been in therapy.
I mean you looked for it because you know you have a right to know something that might hurt you even more than the truth, y’know?
Didn’t feel stupid – it sounds like you’ve been in limbo for 2 years with someone who gives you just enough to have hope but not enough to make you feel secure. Only you can decide if you want to go on with things the way they are now, or if you’re gonna need some change to feel that security.
Years ago I read about a few women who had that problem. I can't remember what the condition is called. One poor lady's body just oozed fish odor. Nothing helped, she just had to accept it. Hopefully medicine/science have reached a solution, at least to treat the symptoms if not the cause.
BF agreed to move in with me, and Steve knows already. Understand why you'd think that, but just wanted to share an update. I think my bf is 'salvageable' despite what people say about him being racist by association. I think he needs to get out of this toxic codependent relationship with Steve. My BF is actually a great guy despite this scenario, and he's always looking to be better and improve our relationship. A lot goes on in the real world outside of reddit posts, whole lives in fact.
I hope he’s using all kinds of birth control.
Jfc. If my old hook up called me, turned out their partner is on the phone and they’re forcing some confession out of me, I’d tell them both to fuck off and hang up.
Your current bf, hopefully ex now, is an insecure nut job. Stay at your parents’ place and start putting this train-wreck of a relationship behind you.
At this point both sides of our whole family know. His step sister is apparently furious at me for speaking my truth and has shown zero remorse. It makes my stomach turn and just hurts my heart.
Him using his therapist specifically in / to cause arguments shows that therapy isn’t working on whatever issues are with you two. If I’m being very honest I don’t think couples counselling is worthwhile for you both either. It sounds like it’s a done deal and that it would be healthier for you to end it.
To be clear though I don’t think it’s that wild that someone discusses stuff with their therapist they don’t with that partner. What’s more alarming to me is why his therapy sessions seem to be leaking into your relationship with one another in a way that doesn’t seem healthy for either of you.
Why not find someone who is savage and huge who likes you and around your age?
He drives aggressively, he ignores your requests to be more careful, he's not showing any appreciation, he's not going to contribute to the expenses- he barely covers his own fuel…and tried to tell you to get gas money from a friend who needed a lift to the hospital? (I am glad you told him off over that)
Please invite your mother to share her concerns, in detail, and really, really listen – seriously, give her a one-time pass to express her every reservation… because all of this is adding up to a really troubling dynamic where you give freely, and he takes more than you offered, acts as if it were only his due and fails to hold up his end.
Stop letting him use your car except in an actual emergency and please give some thought to whether or not this pattern of treating you & your belongings shabbily is a pattern . This kind of thing won't get better after marriage.
You should sit down and listen to your partner.
If you don't want to go to the wedding, don't go.
If you want to control him by stopping him from going to the wedding then you need to make some immediate changes to how you are thinking and how you are acting.
Non negotiable? She don't like it? Cool, she can leave. Ain't no abuse. Applying “abuse” to every undesirable situation just takes meaning away from the word? quit saturating shit. Ain't nobody forcing her to be with him. And there's no mention of threats against her if she wears to decide to leave. She doesn't appear afraid of him. So where's the abuse? His controlling nature could LEAD to it but as of this post, there's no mention of any actual abuse.
Flannel pajamas. Get him flannel pajamas.
You can only get so hard. He can put on more layers.
Set boundaries and see how he responds- that’ll tell you how he feels about you
We all make mistakes. But your gf is hella harsh to come down on someone for being “average.”
Makes sense. I am in therapy and have been for a year and a half! And do tons of self help stuff!
Because they don't benefit him. These guys only want free stuff that works for them.
He defended her in the edit