Just continue working on yourself and find a gym bro…. She will come around when she is ready it is literally not you it is her feeling bad abolitionist herself but she just isn’t ready to put in the work yet
Your a GF, it doesn't matter how long you've been with him or that you are planning on getting married after your schooling. His family just like your family come first. Sorry but my opinion
My wife makes me coffee and lunch every morning, makes my plate and brings it to me with a drink at home and at events and functions. Next to me when we go places and cares greatly about what I think. Of course this behavior exist because of my behavior towards her.
That isn’t the woman for you, don’t worry about her and know that there is a girl out there that is 10 times better than she ever could be (looks and values)
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It sounds like you're trying to take the right steps here OP. Even if you don't feel like it, you need to keep pushing on and talk to your girlfriend. You need to be honest with her and tell her exactly how you're feeling. It's important for the both of you to be on the same page with this so you can move towards a resolution together.
In the moment I left she wanted me to stay and talk trough it, but I was too ashamed and embarassed so I didn't offer much explanation except I needed to be alone.
But not even an hour later I did send a text explaining that I felt too overwhelmed and needed fresh air. I stressed out that I feel like shit for doing this to her and that she didn't do anything wrong at all. That was yesterday. And I also told her that I'd be back soon enough to talk about it.
And I will, even though I feel like procrastinating this firecer and disappearing from the face of the earth for the embarassment, I know that soon I will have to do this.
And actually wondering if calling some of my friends, just I don't know what should tell them regarding why I'm here, they don't know about what happened.
Uhh I think it might be helpful to reframe your feelings and explain that you yourself found a particular thing they said offensive and then explain why. I disagree that the example you gave is generally offensive but if you feel like your partner is frequently upsetting your feelings you need to work on communicating to them in a bit more details to help their understanding.
In my mind if my partner was talking about the zodiac signs, I would go into the conversation knowing they're being silly/not serious and maybe play along with it. I know we're compatible in real life so the saying we're not based on zodiacs would personally not upset me as I know it's not true. I disagree that it's comparable to calling someone ugly…
It would be better if you speak about your own feelings and why something triggers a negative reaction in you so your partner can avoid making these comments on topics you're known to be sensitive to
Okay I agree with you! I think it might have to be that she told me everything in details and I pictured it and that’s all I can think about and part of the detail was how the stylist used the hair appointment to get with her
Unfortunately, you can't justify her actions. Neither can she. She is who she is. Trying to justify her actions is like wishing a mountain was really a river. They are two different things. There's the faithful partner who is loyal, and then there's your wife.
Your family made him uncomfortable and it sounds like you didn’t step in to improve the situation at all. Hate to say it but you just need to let him go
1) You are uncomfortable with a specific topic (“I don't want to know about this stuff”).
2) Your girlfriend is fascinated by this specific topic and thus shares information out of excitement.
You thinking that she is obsessed with Hitler is an assumption. In your mind, her interest in someone equals approval of that person – or, at the very least, the amount of interest equals fascination with the person.
But that's not true. People who love watching true crime or reading crime novels aren't killers and also often not paranoid. They are merely interested in a topic they find fascinating.
What you should do are two things:
1) You should reframe in your mind that your girlfriend isn't facinated with Hitler, but with psychology and similiar things. Understanding what makes humans tick the way they do, how trauma affects someone long-term and the like… and studying famous people is a good way of doing that. Hitler was a monster (so analyzing him is interesting) and famous (so a lot of material is available) – that's a good study subject, nothing more.
2) You should communicate to your girlfriend that you are uncomfortable with the topic for your own reasons, as you don't share her interest. And that's fine and she should respect that. It seems she has friends to talk to anyway. But just like she should respect that a topic makes you uncomfortable, you need to respect that this is something that interests her and let her pursue her interests.
By the way, I'm from Germany. I'm 38 years old, so born long after the war. But you better believe that in school, we have the topic of WWII and Hitler especially drilled into our brains over and over. Weeks of talking about Hitler's childhood and life and death all the stuff you mentioned. Exams. Visits to important places and museums. I don't remember anything about WWI because we basically barely covered that subject at all, it was all WWII. But we didn't have to learn all that stuff because our school wanted to turn us into the new Nazi generation, but the actual opposite – to learn why things went the way they went, both for Hitler and the Germans supporting the madman; understanding what happened to ensure it won't happen again.
Carry a voice activated recorder when you see this asshole.
Then play it for your significant other, and tell her that she must never invite him around you again. Make it clear that he is not your friend, and you want nothing to do with him.
I could understand if he had these issues in the very beginning from watching an unhealthy parent model or something and needing to learn how to argue healthily, but he is not going to stop treating you this way ever. The name-calling and insults will continue, even in front of any future kids you guys may have.
The dog situation is asinine. Unless you were standing right next to a busy highway, who the fuck cares? I walk my dog off-leash every night and beaches in particular are perfect for off-leash runs. This wasn’t about the leash. It’s him making you feel smaller and more doubtful of yourself. This will get worse over time until you’re a shell of yourself, tip-toeing around and always trying to stay three steps ahead to appease him because he’s so wonderful when you’ve been “good”.
Your husband is a gambling addict. He's offering no help. I don't like the automatic get rid of him response. But I think you need to physically distance yourself from him with your kids. He needs to get out of your house. Transfer that money into another account. The only way addicts come right is to acknowledge their problems, but they need to do that without you and you need to save yourself and your kids from this sinking ship.
Disgusting comments from someone who doesn’t sound like they even love you. He’s going to try and keep breaking your self esteem until there isn’t much left and you don’t feel like you can do any better than him. You don’t need to stop being resentful, you need to stop being with him.
We have had a couple of dates since moving. We usually spend time off together once off work. We talk occasionally but could both work on it more.
Wouldn't you give away the whole box then?
you just need to get laid
I hope it’s something innocuous for your sake, OP. But this isn’t normal.
Just continue working on yourself and find a gym bro…. She will come around when she is ready it is literally not you it is her feeling bad abolitionist herself but she just isn’t ready to put in the work yet
Your a GF, it doesn't matter how long you've been with him or that you are planning on getting married after your schooling. His family just like your family come first. Sorry but my opinion
My wife makes me coffee and lunch every morning, makes my plate and brings it to me with a drink at home and at events and functions. Next to me when we go places and cares greatly about what I think. Of course this behavior exist because of my behavior towards her.
That isn’t the woman for you, don’t worry about her and know that there is a girl out there that is 10 times better than she ever could be (looks and values)
If you don’t wanna stay, don’t feel like it anymore. Don’t do it. It will only hurt your partner and you. Even more than the breakup itself.
I can't up vote this but I wish that I could. This comment is absolutely spot on.
I say that to them because I don't want to lie about my intentions.
Man we’re women we’re just raging with hormones especially at that age
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He’s staying with you until the woman he really wants to marry comes along. It’s ok to move on from a puppy love.
He’s gaslighting u. He has no gold. Move on.
Thanks for the reassurance. I guess I'll take this as a learning experience
If you like cock, you are not straight
It sounds like you're trying to take the right steps here OP. Even if you don't feel like it, you need to keep pushing on and talk to your girlfriend. You need to be honest with her and tell her exactly how you're feeling. It's important for the both of you to be on the same page with this so you can move towards a resolution together.
In the moment I left she wanted me to stay and talk trough it, but I was too ashamed and embarassed so I didn't offer much explanation except I needed to be alone.
But not even an hour later I did send a text explaining that I felt too overwhelmed and needed fresh air. I stressed out that I feel like shit for doing this to her and that she didn't do anything wrong at all. That was yesterday. And I also told her that I'd be back soon enough to talk about it.
And I will, even though I feel like procrastinating this firecer and disappearing from the face of the earth for the embarassment, I know that soon I will have to do this.
And actually wondering if calling some of my friends, just I don't know what should tell them regarding why I'm here, they don't know about what happened.
Uhh I think it might be helpful to reframe your feelings and explain that you yourself found a particular thing they said offensive and then explain why. I disagree that the example you gave is generally offensive but if you feel like your partner is frequently upsetting your feelings you need to work on communicating to them in a bit more details to help their understanding.
In my mind if my partner was talking about the zodiac signs, I would go into the conversation knowing they're being silly/not serious and maybe play along with it. I know we're compatible in real life so the saying we're not based on zodiacs would personally not upset me as I know it's not true. I disagree that it's comparable to calling someone ugly…
It would be better if you speak about your own feelings and why something triggers a negative reaction in you so your partner can avoid making these comments on topics you're known to be sensitive to
2 weeks lol. The man is done. Move on.
Okay I agree with you! I think it might have to be that she told me everything in details and I pictured it and that’s all I can think about and part of the detail was how the stylist used the hair appointment to get with her
Saw the title, didn’t read the story. Leave this man girl.
she said to her friends she was scared i wouldn’t let her go party, but i never did such thing. I just don’t get it
Trusting? I think the word is “gullible.” I don’t think she’s blameless. It’s natural for OP to question his trust in her.
Honesty and open communication going both ways is essential to trust and is reasonable to expect from your partner.
UpdateMe!
If you didn't dream that, I would seriously seriously go to the hospital so they make me a brain scanner or at least I would get a therapist.
Unfortunately, you can't justify her actions. Neither can she. She is who she is. Trying to justify her actions is like wishing a mountain was really a river. They are two different things. There's the faithful partner who is loyal, and then there's your wife.
PSA: Never say anything about something they can’t fix in ten seconds.
Time to go.
Your family made him uncomfortable and it sounds like you didn’t step in to improve the situation at all. Hate to say it but you just need to let him go
What I see here are several facts.
1) You are uncomfortable with a specific topic (“I don't want to know about this stuff”).
2) Your girlfriend is fascinated by this specific topic and thus shares information out of excitement.
You thinking that she is obsessed with Hitler is an assumption. In your mind, her interest in someone equals approval of that person – or, at the very least, the amount of interest equals fascination with the person.
But that's not true. People who love watching true crime or reading crime novels aren't killers and also often not paranoid. They are merely interested in a topic they find fascinating.
What you should do are two things:
1) You should reframe in your mind that your girlfriend isn't facinated with Hitler, but with psychology and similiar things. Understanding what makes humans tick the way they do, how trauma affects someone long-term and the like… and studying famous people is a good way of doing that. Hitler was a monster (so analyzing him is interesting) and famous (so a lot of material is available) – that's a good study subject, nothing more.
2) You should communicate to your girlfriend that you are uncomfortable with the topic for your own reasons, as you don't share her interest. And that's fine and she should respect that. It seems she has friends to talk to anyway. But just like she should respect that a topic makes you uncomfortable, you need to respect that this is something that interests her and let her pursue her interests.
By the way, I'm from Germany. I'm 38 years old, so born long after the war. But you better believe that in school, we have the topic of WWII and Hitler especially drilled into our brains over and over. Weeks of talking about Hitler's childhood and life and death all the stuff you mentioned. Exams. Visits to important places and museums. I don't remember anything about WWI because we basically barely covered that subject at all, it was all WWII. But we didn't have to learn all that stuff because our school wanted to turn us into the new Nazi generation, but the actual opposite – to learn why things went the way they went, both for Hitler and the Germans supporting the madman; understanding what happened to ensure it won't happen again.
*reflecting
deflecting would be to shield herself from attacks and point them elsewhere.
Do a tldr darling. You keep going on but you won’t change my view…so? Why try lol
Carry a voice activated recorder when you see this asshole.
Then play it for your significant other, and tell her that she must never invite him around you again. Make it clear that he is not your friend, and you want nothing to do with him.
Expose him to all your friends, if necessary.
And go to Japan on his own! F*ck her!
You're only 18. You can do better than someone who doesn't like who for you are.
Please run.
I could understand if he had these issues in the very beginning from watching an unhealthy parent model or something and needing to learn how to argue healthily, but he is not going to stop treating you this way ever. The name-calling and insults will continue, even in front of any future kids you guys may have.
The dog situation is asinine. Unless you were standing right next to a busy highway, who the fuck cares? I walk my dog off-leash every night and beaches in particular are perfect for off-leash runs. This wasn’t about the leash. It’s him making you feel smaller and more doubtful of yourself. This will get worse over time until you’re a shell of yourself, tip-toeing around and always trying to stay three steps ahead to appease him because he’s so wonderful when you’ve been “good”.
Please don’t let it get to that point.
His wife is not cheating and they are not breaking up.
Your husband is a gambling addict. He's offering no help. I don't like the automatic get rid of him response. But I think you need to physically distance yourself from him with your kids. He needs to get out of your house. Transfer that money into another account. The only way addicts come right is to acknowledge their problems, but they need to do that without you and you need to save yourself and your kids from this sinking ship.
Disgusting comments from someone who doesn’t sound like they even love you. He’s going to try and keep breaking your self esteem until there isn’t much left and you don’t feel like you can do any better than him. You don’t need to stop being resentful, you need to stop being with him.
Fair enough, then I would say just break up with him.