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sweet Seri, 19 y.o.
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Date: January 1, 2023
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Fucking run.
Why are you continuing to waste your time on someone who cares so little for you?
Would you be happy for your friends if their partners treated them the way your husbant treats you?
Leave him. You're only 30. Find someone who will give you far more than the bare minimum.
What would your wife think of the idea if you told her? Her answer is our answer.
There is nothing wrong with being polyamorous. There is nothing wrong with being monogamous. However, when the relationship begins, you need to agree on which of those you are going to do, and you need to negotiate your boundaries clearly. Things get really really messy if you try to shift back and forth between the two. If you prefer a monogamous relationship with a monogamous partner, that's fine, but you won't be able to have that type of relationship with this man.
It also sounds like you both have some psychological baggage from either past trauma or just bullcrap you absorbed by living in a crappy world. It sounds like you need to see a counselor/psychologist (if you aren't already doing so, if you can find one, and if you can afford it) to help you work through those issues. Your relationships will get so much easier when you can identify your own triggers, understand and regulate your own emotions, and learn how to communicate in a healthy way.
I don't know what you should do about your boyfriends polyamory. But you need to decide whether a polyamorous relationship is truely something you want for your life. If you want something more monogamous, it may be time to accept you two are not compatable and move on to find someone who is.
This isn't mature or healthy. I'm not disputing the selfishness of OP's boyfriend but going down this road will just give them ammo to throw back in your face.
Be the better person, communicate and explain and if that isn't enough then move on.
Are you sure you are soulmates because the relationship is indecisive and a little bit messy. Neither of you are not ready for a commitment relationship.
This is not normal. She's hiding something. Prepare for fireworks.