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SusyJo, y.o.
Location: United States
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Date: January 4, 2023
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You can deal with cheating? Okay. I guess. The fact that he has previously cheated and being extremely suspicious tells me that he’s cheating. He just knows you won’t do anything about it. Just from this paragraph it sounds like this man is walking all over you and surely does not respect you.
Why is therapy not working? I have my suspicions but it isn’t fair to make that judgement with so little information. Is it you or your therapist?
So we met on Tinder, went on a coffee date and have been on 5 “real” dates and just casually hanging at his house maybe 4 times. There was told we did have Des as well. So we've been in person 9 times so far. We both said a relationship. I'm just anxious about the whole dating and labels thing. Calling someone my bf is frightening for me for some reason, but feels nice too.
Your wife has control issues, this is not a normal thing to ask
Does it make sense to go LC? You need some distance.
Something I was told in premarital counseling, and still believe, don't mention divorce unless you are serious and got to that point outside of the heat of the moment. When this was discussed in therapy, was it fully explored or did the therapist signal they were more on your side and she changed the subject? In the end, you can only be responsible for your actions and words from the beginning of the relationship. If you can earnestly discuss it when she brings it up, there's a few things you can ask What have I done that tells you I am comparing you to her? What have I said that tells you I am comparing? (In response to any actual answer) I won't do/say that going forward. What am I not doing that tells you I am comparing? What am I not saying?
Assuming you aren't actually doing something that could understandably trigger the insecurity, holding on to pictures of this other woman, following her on social media, the only thing I could think of is there's some sex act she can't/won't do and she thinks that bothers you. I'm sorry you are dealing, it is frustrating she is leaving you with an issue you can't address.