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Room for online sex video chat Indian_colourfulbaby_9
Model from: in
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1996-04-04
Body Type: bodyTypeCurvy
Ethnicity: ethnicityIndian
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBlack
Subculture: subcultureHousewives
Date: February 9, 2023
She did tell me she was planning it, and sent me ideas and stuff and asked if I could get time off, but I told her I wouldnt be able to travel for a few more years so instead of just waiting for me she booked on her own.
She has taken my macbook and gone through it without asking, it's not a big deal.
I would do the no contact thing n I've thought about it but we live together and see each other everyday so idk what to do there. As far as the friendship thing it's very difficult to accept but I want her in my life even if it means I have to suffer a bit tbh
A bang tenant.
The kink alone would be shocking, but hearing it for the first time during sex is… a lot.
I’m sorry she hurt you, OP, but honestly, if you’re willing I think it’s worth a shot. You both could have handled things differently (you choosing a better time to bring the kink up, her not being so hurtful) but if you’re both willing to try, I don’t see the harm.
He was visibly confused at the chef thing and said “I thought we were doing this together” which you then promptly ignored and decided to do what YOU wanted because you felt like there “wasn't enough momentum”. Was the chef thing even something he wanted or asked for, or did you just decide that was how you wanted the anniversary celebration to go?
I really feel for your husband. No wonder he feels like nothing he does is good enough. I would highly recommend doing some research into love languages, in particular how men generally prefer to express themselves. It sounds like you are so wrapped up in thoughts about what you want and what he's doing for you that you're not seeing the whole picture. I have a feeling there might be a lot that he's doing for you that you just aren't seeing because he's not doing it the way you want him to, and that's frankly not very fair to anyone involved.
I do love a sense of perspective!
I'm glad you recognize that. 🙂 None of us are perfect. Take this as an learning opportunity & work on it. You will become a better partner & it will make your relationship better.
Imagine comprehension skills as low as yours. It was sweet of your spouse to settle though. Bravo to them.
Right? DoorDash is a thing.
Does she have a therapy? If no, make her going. If refuse, what’s the point to stay in relationship? Remember it’s team, not solo. Your girlfriend needs to know that you have needs too.
If both no, she’s out. I know it’s harsh but everyone want to be on same page.
God, I hope she dips on his sorry sobbing ass.
Lawyer up and therapist up. It’s about to get real.
It's OK to be incompatible. It's OK to have needs. It's OK to have trauma
What is NOT OK is that she is doing absolutely nothing to move forward. I am a SA survivor… and I could not imagine not having a sexual relationship with my husband. I got therapy to make sure that I could have a healthy sex life going forward. You, by all means, have a right to say, “I love you. However, this relationship cannot continue like this forever. I will stay and help you work through this,but I need to know that you are trying to work through it.”
45 years old and she’s still making 18 year old mistakes.
no…no it doesn’t make sense for him to live with you
Bruh, she's getting it elsewhere. Don't even know if bars is where she actually goes.
Not necessarily internalized, but the idea that men can't spend time together without it being sexual is homophobic.
As the saying goes….”she belongs to the streets now…”
So you were honest, only because you were guilty? It seems as there is a severe lack of trust in your relationship and you both are playing a part in that. Snooping through people's stuff doesn't protect you from being hurt and for him, hiding his possible activities won't stop him from ruining something good. Either speak on it as adults or rethink your relationship.
Lmao Paramore is a mainstream pop rock band, who the hell hasn't heard their music before? Your boyfriend must be frozen back in 2008.
Because paramore isn’t real rock. Send this man some Zeppelin!
I'd have told him no when he mentioned bringing his gf along for a free meal.
It sucks to realize your friends are pieces of shits but that's part of getting older. Hope you didn't have too difficult of a time on the bus.
His original post felt off. I normally laugh a bit at people who ask to open relationships then are surprised pikachu when it doesn’t go their way. It seems like that’s how he was framing his wife. Oh she asked for this and now she’s sad, oh well. With his responses, it’s even worse. He seems dodgy and manipulative.
He and his girlfriend pulled a bait and switch on his wife and now he’s just enjoying her pain? His poor wife.
Hmm… I think what you've really been hoping for is a kind human who cares about your feelings more than his frustration about not being able to get off…?
She sounds pretty toxic, I’d dump her and get a new GF
Even if you plan to make it work, you need to cancel the engagement. Cancel it officially and have him tell everyone that would ask the true reason why it has happened. That should be a decent start to see whether he is even remotely remorseful about his behaviour. Second thing would completely cutting contact with that “friend”, he should be dead to your ex fiance. There would be more points, but somehow I doubt he would go through even with these 2 first ones.
Now, that is a way to begin the process of repairing your relationship, but you don't need to go through with it. Simply leaving him is probably even better option. My first suggestion is, because just leaving him might be emotionally difficult for you, therefore asking for a proper atonement I have suggested is great. If he refuses, you will once again see how little he cares, so leaving him should be easier.
Come on man. Pull your socks up and get to work. If you keep falling further and further behind you will become less attractive to her. Do you really want to lose her. Use her success as motivation to get to work improving the areas which need work. Feeling sorry for yourself and making excuses is not going to help you.
Could you use a symbol instead? Like a heart or an infinity symbol?
TLDR: People with low self-worth or self-esteem are often in toxic relationships because they don't think they deserve better. It doesn't mean they're the ones at fault, especially if they've been physically abused or sexually assaulted in the past. It happens all of the time yet doesn't mean they're the ones at fault for the abuse they face. None of us here know what OP is like or their situation, so while yes, OP could be to blame for these relationships, the cycle of abuse dictates that more often than not, people w/low self-worth will stay in or seek toxic relationships as they don't think they deserve better. This is why therapy is critical.
I used to have horrible self-esteem issues dating back to my childhood from being berated by my own family for being overweight as a child. Then in 2011 right after I turned 18, I was raped by a man I had known since we were both in 7th grade. This only further cemented my belief in thinking that I deserved partners who treated me horribly. I felt isolated and like I couldn't tell my own family because they were dealing with my father's numerous health issues he'd had since I was a child. This all led to me being in relationships with people who treated me horribly. I didn't think I deserved better so I stayed in these relationships and also since I hadn't experienced a non-toxic relationship, I felt like these were the only kind of relationships that existed.
Eventually I went to therapy which helped some – and now I would never stay in a relationship where I was treated horribly. However when someone doesn't love themselves or think they deserve better, they tend to believe that toxic relationships are “the best they can get” and that's how these cycles of abuse perpetuate. It doesn't mean that they are the one at fault for them, though.
Obviously I made several mistakes and take responsibility for that but I've never cheated on or abused a partner I've dated – whether that be physically or mentally. If anything, I came off as someone who would do anything for my partner, even to my own detriment. Therapy helped me realize that what I've gone through wasn't my fault and that no one deserves a relationship where they're being abused, assaulted, or incessantly mistreated. Thus, now I would never tolerate or stay in a relationship like that. I don't know what OP is like, but placing the blame on them for issues they may not even be committing seems reckless, especially since no one here has all of the information. While you could be right that OP is to blame, you could also be very wrong. Self-esteem is critical, especially when sharing your life with someone else and if someone's self-esteem or self-love is low, they will usually stay in situations or relationships that only cause them harm because they don't think they deserve better.
Right, it’s like the Jekyll and Hyde effect and very typical in just about all abuse cases.
Did you read the post? What field do you work in where a husband/wife demanding details of company secrets would be okay? They even have access to OPs work email.
I would already have been fired for this shit
What is the potential solution, for you?
Do you want her clean and hairy, or clean and trimmed, or no preference, just one or the other? If it is one or the other, you should be clear about that, with her, when you do decide to talk to her.
Second “Why does he do that,” it's good stuff
Don’t waste the energy on getting the truth out of him. Or revenge. Try to accept he is a liar and MOVE ON. This is about him,not about you. His problem.
And the “bitch” is not the problem. Don’t hate her. She is probably being lied to as well.
but he says that when he is “in me” he feels happy and content and everything else disappears like all problems cease to exist round him
U are so right here, and I always worried about it. he made it sound like the girls preferred to stay in one place and that they didnt like moving around every other week. and that his mother living near, he could see them there. how naive to think this would work. I regret moving in together because I loved our old arrangement but he insisted that it wasn't serious enough to be living separately. now I'm going to lose him all together
Can you not type the letter E or something? The weak censoring is ridiculous.
You're not compatible, so split.
That's a lot of assumptions, and even if they all are correct, there are a million steps in-between “we have a problem” and “we need to break up”.
Though to be fair, comments like that are always a necessary reminder that Reddit is filled with young and inexperienced people.
Talk to him about it. Tell him you understand he doesn't get excited about the visits but you do. Then have him plan solo outings to get himself in a better mindset/free time/relaxation so he isn't overwhelmed. Maybe he can golf, see a movie, have a drink with friends, or snag a dinner at a sports bar or something a couple times during the week your mom visits.
Someone actually said this is norma|
Someone actually said this is norma|
You don't have time for a partner. I would have broken up with you if I were your gf.
I think it's very clear that romantic relationships aren't a priority for you right now and you simply don't have time to be a partner who gives her what she needs (and deserves) in a relationship. Which is absolutely OK, but you should break up with her.
Continuing to deprioritise her and expecting the relationship to continue isn't OK. It honestly sounds like she is right at the bottom of the list for you, and that you expect her to drop everything for you while giving her nothing in return. That's very unfair on her.
Stay out of it.
Creepy. Run for the hills.
He made you feel secure, lured you in and now that he thinks he kind of “has you secured” he shows his real face.
Go someplace for protection.
Withdraw all YOUR money first.
And then cut ties.
He sounds like a controlling person. And it feels like the more you talk, the more you will be gasslighted and trapped.
Yeah but she’s also really depressed and anxious so it could help and anyone should read that book even if they don’t have the illnesses. I was just recommending a book that might make her feel heard that’s all.
The entire problem here is that you are minimizing this to “one issue.” You’re talking about it like “he leaves the cap off the toothpaste” or “leaves his shoes in front of the door.”
You literally do not even know where your husband lives.
Let me repeat that:
You literally do not even know where your husband lives.
The fact that you can’t look at this objectively and see that this is a deal breaker is astounding.
If the genders were reversed you would not be second guessing your instincts.
Jesus wept your boyfriend is a loser. Break up with him
Jesus wept your boyfriend is a loser. Break up with him
He’s starting to exert control over you, and you’re rolling over and letting him.
Simply put:
If trust existed between you, your environments don’t matter. Access to sex doesn’t create an urge to cheat where none exists, period. Cheaters cheat, even if you track their phones and have them check in every hour.
You should be able to live your life exactly how you want to, if you’re with the right partner. And that includes the occasional night at a club with your friends.
He effectively ruined your night first, never forget that. You let the anticipation of his reaction keep you from enjoying your night, your anticipation of his reaction made you choose to not tell him about it first.
You’re doing this all wrong.
If he really has so much “trauma” over an ex cheating on him that your actions need to be controlled to keep him mentally healthy, then he needs therapy, not an increasingly inhibited girlfriend.
Because look at it this way:
He feels anxiety no matter what you do, because they anxiety didn’t start with you. The anxiety is in him.
So he says don’t go to clubs because it triggers his anxiety.
You don’t go to clubs.
He’s still anxious.
He says don’t hang out with your single friends, it makes him anxious.
You stop hanging out with your single friends.
He’s still anxious.
He says don’t have men friends, it makes him anxious.
You drop all of your male friends.
He’s still anxious.
He says don’t talk to men at work, it makes him anxious.
You try to stop talking to men at work.
He’s still anxious.
He says don’t wear anything that makes men notice you in public, it makes me anxious.
You change what you wear.
He’s still anxious.
Do you see where this goes?
If you can find a single person anywhere whose anxiety was marginally cured by their partner simply avoiding going to the club, and then no other limitations where ever necessary, I’ll eat my hat. I’ll eat all of my hats, even the Russian fur hats.
The right way for him to lose the anxiety is for him to get therapy and work on himself. If he’s more willing to limit your freedoms than make an effort to improve his mental health, he is going to be a shit partner.
And that is what you should be paying attention to. Not clubs.
At the anti-social department as well of the red flag factory! He’s definitely capable of doing some crazy sh-t op!
Sounds like he's cheating. Have you told him how you feel?
I think if you trust her to be the mother of your child you can trust her about making a decision about where and with whom she lives. She’s your partner, not your property or a thing to be protected or supervised by your family.
Actually, Aryan originally and still can refer to Indo-Iranian people and the term, much like the swastika, was taken and corrupted.
It (and similar ones) are very common names in the region – Aryan, Arian, Arjun, Arya etc.
It's extremely plausible that his father is Indian or Iranian or something similar and is against his son marrying a white girl.
Sounds like he was cheating, but that source of sex is gone now. His anger and passive aggressive comments ?thats emotional abuse. This is clearly not healthy. Even if he didn’t cheat, you would still be in the right to leave him. You deserve healthy love, not pressured sex.
Sounds exhausting. It also sounds like she will never change. I think you know, deep down, what you need to do in order to be happy.
Yeah that was never going to work out
How is it a weapon? She’s just asking for what he asked for. It’s literal fairness. Genders reversed would be the same thing, as much as y’all try and act like men are always victimized by evil women behaving the same way as men do.
I guess
Sadly would never happen. I think they (many) would date and marry children if it was legal.
I don’t think you’re going to get much support on this issue here. I’d hop over to r/loveafterporn Your boyfriend definitely fits the profile of addict and it’s affecting your relationship and sex like, it’s not something you’re overreacting about and I, personally, wouldn’t stick around until your self esteem starts to erode.
It totally depends on the people. I have been the friend in this situation. A male friend of mine from childhood confessed that he loved me a couple of times. I always told him I just didn’t feel the same but we remained friends. I honestly think it’s was more that he was just ready to be with someone. Eventually he moved on and met his wife. His wife asked me to marry them so I officiated their wedding. He just brought his daughter over so I could meet her. Feelings change. Some things in life are deeper, like friendship and family.
I assume op probably asked him if he ever had feelings for her after he told her that he had a long time friend. Was he supposed to lie to her?
I don’t love him, but I still do care for him. Maybe I can compromise on my happiness for the sake of trying to make him happy. And keeping the promise.
I try to forget the person I love, but somehow I keep going back to him.
It’s a kind of state I’m so badly stuck in. My heart knows what it wants, however I can’t live with the guilty feeling of taking away someone’s happiness for the sake of my own. I was not made that way. It’s not easy for me.
I’m not trying to outrank you, I’m saying you need to get off your high horse and understand you don’t get to be pissed off because you decided to take on this career. You are the one acting like no one understands how nude it is for you. We get it, but it doesn’t mean you can expect your partner to do his share and yours too. Especially not with that attitude. We were not together when he was in law school. Nor when I was in undergrad. We were together when I was in Grad school and during the time I’ve had to study for CPA exams. If he’s telling me I am working as nude as he did, I’m taking him at his word. No, I don’t expect him to do more around the house than I’m doing. Have I asked nicely if he could help me out at times, yes. But I don’t carry any sort of resentment because of what my goals are professionally.
They’re drunks, fuck them! Not in general, but absolutely while they’re actively getting drunk! My advice is to say in more strongly with some profanity next time. Not sure if that’s allowed here. What’s the problem? More booze for them! Sounds like a couple might be functioning alcoholics and resentful of your ability to turn down a drink cause this is odd.
YOU don’t. You send it to the police and get the hell away from him so you’re not next.
Yeah sex can be a killer workout sometimes haha even if you’re not on top ?
He probably did.
It’s different being friends with some rando than it is staying close with an ex. Staying friends with an ex often turns into keeping the wounds open and preventing people from moving on, you don’t have that problem with somebody you never dated.
it's a duel, they both fired in the air. plenty of bullets to go around in this post
Yeah this is a load of BS unless she has actual evidence of the brother affair and not just because your boy told her, then what damage can she actually do??? All the boyfriend has to say is that she trying to hurt him by hurting his family because he moving on.
But the thing is he isn't moving on and me personally think this is a shit excuse for you not to question why he still talks to her.
Tell him she doesn't have evidence they will just think she crazy and jealous over the fact he with you, tell him he has 2 days, ro decide whether its worth your relationship, go out change he number, email the lot and, let her try her best, unless she has pictures of the brother or message what damage csn she actually do.
If I was your boyfriend I'd say go ahead, he already destroyed his marriage by dicking someone else and I will not let her destroy mine.
Sounds like your making excuses for him about this ex of his. I'd honestly just end it, then go tell the brothers wife what a POS he is
If this is real, you should encourage her to speak to the DAVA (domestic abuse victim advocate) at her installation. Every branch and the majority of bases has at least one. She also can get financial advice for free through the military as a dependent. Her husband doesn’t have to know she’s using either resource. Just because she reports the abuse, doesn’t mean anything has to happen. She can talk to them and they make a record of what she says, help her get therapy or whatever else she needs, and just like up evidence until she’s ready to do something. She literally has one of the best communities with ample resources.
He started insulting me by saying its like a cult, or a religion. It's a brand that reminds me of my childhood. Nothing wrong with that
Thanks, that was helpful, about using “I feel.” and for the links also!
It was romantic I'm pretty sure. We were at the carnival on a date and I made a joke about throwing up after a ride and they jokingly said “I would still love you even if you threw up everywhere.”
I'm a little confused on what you mean about the therapist thing. Relationships come with emotional talks right? And comfort. so in a way I do feel an emotional responsibility to them.
I’m going to be to be frank here. If you have a problem with it, then move on. Is it stupid? Yes.
But I dated a guy for nearly 3 years and I was older than him (nearly 3 years). He knew this from the beginning and his insecurities about it always plagued our relationship. While he would tell me he had no issues with it, our age difference would constantly come up. I think this was heavily influenced by his family but in the end I couldn’t deal with it anymore. It always felt like he wasn’t REALLY committed to the relationship.
So it’s either speak now or forever hold your peace.
I’m more concerned that she lied as other have commented on. What else did she hide some she could “be with you”.
Well, living alone is dog shit when you are older and very few get to find a person who matches their standards 100%, so that's not so obvious situation. I don't dislike everything about her, otherwise we wouldn't date. The predicament is whether things I dislike are deal breakers or not.
It's classic dilemma of stable and reliable and new, exciting, but uncertain.
If he has initiated every conversation up until this point, then I think it would be appropriate to kick off the next one.
Don't you think that is an unfair expectation:
I also do want the guy to be initiating the convo like I’m always happy to talk and engaged but I like when they take that first step.
That the guy has to initiate everything?
If he never gets the reciprocation, he is likely to conclude that he is putting in all the effort and getting nothing in return…
I just have one word…thinking? You are thinking of breaking up with her? Dude!
The kink is relevant. You've been to vague here.
Neurodivergent was the first thing I thought of too
I don’t make friends well. I’m objectively smart, I have hobbies, I like to have fun. And the people I am friends with are lifelong. I can talk to strangers. But there’s this whole bit in the middle I just never do well at. The bit where people find there cliques. I’m too old to worry about it now but when I was younger I’d find it really difficult because I sort of fit in everywhere and nowhere. I’d connect but not enough kind of thing. But what the result is I have really good friends that we got past that bit and I feel very lucky, and i have to recognise it’s down to that filter other people don’t seem to encounter.
Maybe your partner just doesn’t connect well. He talks about interests but doesn’t relate that well. He’s not disliked, but not liked. How much effort does he put in with others as well? Does he arrange things one on one with people when discovering similar interests. Does he try to connect, send jokes to the groups, or make that personal push?
having a photoshoot and sucking a dick are two very completely different things.
boudoir photo shoots are very popular nowadays, you even mentioned them in your list of clients he is soliciting. it is likely he told her you would enjoy something like this as a gift. if she trusts him and was thinking the whole time its “its for OP” why would she have any doubt in her friends intentions. women dont usually assume all their male friends want to fuck them.
Fatherless behavior smh
They are not married.
When you have to remind him 20 times before he does the thing, no matter how mad he is at himself (i assume he has a phone where he could EASILY set himself reminders so him getting mad at himself instead of finding an actual solution is equally as draining) it's REALLY easy to feel less like he's a sexy helpful life partner and more like a child.
Attraction can come and go. It very well could be that you are into your own headspace. It could be that it's just a normal phase that almost all people go through. It could also be that working through “manchild” issues has caused you to lose some attraction to him.
You can't make him do things. You can't make him do them your way. You can communicate your wants/desires in a healthy, respectful way, and I sure hope you did that when telling him that “not physically attracted to him anymore”, which – as stated here – sounds awfully final instead of temporary, which it could very well be.
You want romantic tension? Create some. This is the one aspect of your life that you have described grappling with here that you actually have some control over.
There is no need to lie. Just be straight with them and if you like you can have a small ceremony just for the family. You worry too much.
Have a happy life . Move on
Y'all she's active in r/CougarsandCubs
Wait let me get this right..
He blames your vagina for the fact that he tried to do something against your will that u had to SHOUT at him to stop and he blamed u for the fact he hurt u?
And u want to know how to fix things?
Do u hear yourself?
This man sounds like a AH and a creep. There is absolutely nothing wrong with ur vagina it's supposed to get looser during sex..so it doesn't hurt!
Does he want a virgin? Maybe u shld ask him to get a bigger penis so yall balance each other out! Bet u he wont like u degrading him like he does to u.
Why.. please answer me why are u with someone that says this degrading disrespectful shit to u about ur body?
Is it because uve been together for a long time and u love him?
What do u love about him? How supportive he is?!
Jesus fucking christ.
Hey hey easier for who? So you want to roll over because they said roll? If you miss your graduation you are going to regret this for the rest of your life. Your family is not much of a family to be honest. 1 or 2 people could have come to represent the whole family but your brother is more important to them than you. You are a whole doctor now and the best they can do is be mad that you ain't attending a wedding, nah screw that. If you don't celebrate your own wins, no one will. Everyone treats you like a second class citizen because you let them. So what if your classmates see that you are alone? I guarantee you, no one cares, they have bigger things to worry about. Please build some self esteem. Your life cannot continue like this. OP, please reevaluate the way you view your 'family'.
Yeh just say send me the bill. I do it with my brother. Im fine to help him but im not about to send him cash as I know the bill won't be paid.
You fix this with antibiotics and goodbye. Get this awful person out of your life.
Nah, this is the wrong perspective. I honestly doubt your classmates will even notice you don't have support there. (I wasn't a med student graduate but I graduated from a med school with other health graduates. If anything I felt a little out of place for having several people to support me. No one was judging lack of people.) If it comes up, they'll forget quickly.
They definitely won't pity you. You're graduating medical school. You are doing it whether or not you have other people. If anything, isn't it impressive that you did all of this without a major support network? Go. Celebrate yourself. You're a doctor. You need to celebrate it.
And if you still want to have your family's support, that's fair. Go to a nice dinner or have a party with them afterwards. But your brother chose to make his wedding date without consulting you. You don't get to choose the day you publicly become a doctor.
I missed my graduation and I regret that still 20 years later. Don't miss it!
Also, if you were my friend I'd attend your graduation with no pity at all!!
Alright, then you have a difficult decision in front of you, we can not decide for you, life is not easy, sit down, think if it’s feasible, make a decision.
How on earth am I arguing both sides? Explain. Please. I’d love to understand how you got that from anything I said.
Yeah I think this is not real, she probably wanted to post it on a romantic story reddit
Yikes, what a controling freak.
First of all:
How are your home and you deserving to be loved and valued connected in the first place?
Hey….! They are in no way connected.
He is playing manipulative games with you trumping the “I am the provider, you could at least…. ” card.
I don't know what home he would come home to and what that batshit would make me do, honestly.
“Spotless” huh? How about cleaning it up to that state yourself then, hubby?
Depression is an illness. He has no respect for xou and thinks you are an idle loafer.
And as long as you don't play by HIS rules, he puts you on love withdrawal.
Which is another version of “silent treatment”.
I would really consider if I would want to stay with such a psycho..
They definitely banged fam and she is giving you bits of the truth / is technically lying to you. No way they just did hand stuff and mouth stuff for a month…. Just watch out for your homie, who knows I’d they still have desire for each other. I had a friendship go south because of a situation close to this
Okay I’m sorry. I’ve worked closely with this guy just a few months his behavior is not something I was prepared for. Thanks
So… Is he gay?
Also not kink shaming, I'm kink asking WHY
Yes this exactly.
OP, I bet your boyfriend has spent a good amount of time complimenting you for how mature you are. He’s probably told you that the age difference doesn’t matter because you’re miles ahead of most 19 year olds and you can handle an adult relationship unlike other people your age. Do not fall for this. It’s a common trick. I’m around the same age as your boyfriend and to me the most mature and adult 19 year old I know is still a kid that I would never dream of dating.
Yikes. You're consulting reddit for advice and going to be a parent? You have a lot of growing up to do before this poor baby comes into the picture.
Does OP even know if the other woman knows about her at this point?
Yeah the boy, send me a sorry text
This is weird. Put a stop to it. There’s no reason for him to take care of a house he no longer owns. That’s their journey now.
If your most recent child was unplanned, and your method of birth control at that time was condoms, I think you probably already know the answer.
I'm so sorry you're going through this – your husband is awful.
She definitely has a lot of empathy for me, I understand your response though
„Babe“ every man in your entire life is trash.
Well he is cheating now so he is trash like your father, brother and grandfather like every man in your life. Why do even you care so much? What would it change if you find a reason? Why don’t you ask him why he became a POS who is betraying his whole family? Why do you still want to contact him when you know that he is cheating on his wife with you?
Reddit can’t answer your question because again, there are a lot of reasons and only your POS ex can answer you that. Defending cheating is disgusting.
„Babe“ every man in your entire life is trash.
Well he is cheating now so he is trash like your father, brother and grandfather like every man in your life. Why do even you care so much? What would it change if you find a reason? Why don’t you ask him why he became a POS who is betraying his whole family? Why do you still want to contact him when you know that he is cheating on his wife with you?
Reddit can’t answer your question because again, there are a lot of reasons and only your POS ex can answer you that. Defending cheating is disgusting.
I couldn't imagine going to school to be 250K in debt to then get a job that pays less than working at target/Walmart
Sorry, English is my second language
Holy effing heck. How DARE you?! YOU are the effing monster here. Saying it’s your wifes fsult that your son has health issues and saying that she needs to lose weight? That she looks like a monster? You don’t love her. She’s just easy to you when it’s convenient to you. Get the heck away from her and don’t ever break her heart like that
People like you shouldn’t be alive
Even with phimosis it’s rarely needed…
Honestly I don’t think there’s any coming back from that. I wouldn’t continue the relationship. It’d feel like they were laughing behind my back the whole time.
Lol second change at what? This sounds like middle school drama
This person broke their vows and then kept it a secret. What kind of evil person are you thinking about staying with.
You talk about sunk cost due to all the years spent together. You were investing your time into a person who did not exist.
How do they make it clear? I imagine you have to be more secretive about it in a public place.
I tried to talk to him, have a conversation with him “hey that wasn’t cool, it’s my stuff, it brought me joy and it’s important”In my opinion “my bad” is not a genuine apology. He kept deflecting my feelings, I have feeling too you know. And slap it with a “it was a joke, I thought you could have handle” And because I felt like the conversation is not going anywhere, I chose to leave him be. I yelled before, and I’m stopping it from doing that. He didn’t reach out to me at all to talk. If he were to reach out right after I left the bedroom, then yes. I’d love to have a conversation with him. He has been stonewalling me a lot too. He does it more then I do, I’m usually the one that has to say “hey, are you okay, do you want to talk?” But this time it felt like I should have just left him be
Call the FBI, CIA, and Interpol lol!
But seriously, why do you even need to ask what you should do? You’re way less disturbed by this than you should be
Just divorce. Honestly, 23 and 20 2 years in?
Thank you for this comment. I know you are right. We are both hanging on that thought that it's going to be better a little while later, for some time now. But our mental health is suffering. You put my thoughts into words in a different way.
So you helped break them up, and are now concerned that he might leave you for her? You really did him a favor, huh
Toys, my dude.
You have 2 choices, accept and be a sex worker or stick to the original terms of your agreement and cut off the relationship
Whatever you do don’t marry him
I don’t want that and I am so frustrated by it. It seems like a dumb thing to consider a breakup over, and I don’t feel disrespected in other ways— in fact, in most other ways, I feel cared for and respected a lot. I don’t know why this one, remarkably stupid thing is the sticking point.
Just answering the question: I'd say 50-50. Amongst the company I keep now, we don't send each other this stuff, but I've had a couple of friends over the years that did. They had different interests than me, a bit lower brow if I'm being an asshole, but they were good guys in the end. Definitely more sexually motivated.
Hey dude. I'm same age as you. I don't really agree with you. I know there are lots of factors to take into consideration, but I've been in a boys chat for about 5 years. We share nudes of internet girls doing all kinds of freaky stuff. We are all in relationships with women. Nobody has ever posted any pics of their SO's. We have respect for them.
The fact is people watch porn. I think it's around 70% of men and 50% of women watch porn regularly.
I don't think it's as big a deal as most of the comments here show, but each to their own. I watch porn with my girlfriend sometimes, we both like it. It's perfectly normal and healthy to watch porn.
Unless you like to be touched or touching your partner at all times like me :/
I vowed myself. That we are gonna try to work this out. But if it happens again. I'm leaving and I'm never gonna get married again. I'm not gonna get into another serious relationship. And as for our kid. Well he will have him one week and the weeke I don't have him ima live my best life.
Yes, him watching porn to get in the mood for sex with you isn't normal.
Sorry.
I think you can do better than this guy.
I don’t want to judge outright but I think a big issue may be your age gap. When I was 19 I was SO different than I was at 25/26. My priorities were in no way in the same place. At 25 you’re trying to plan out life. At 19 you’re just having a good time and along for the ride
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit for calling you less nude after a health scare that only saw you gaining a mere 10 pounds. How incredibly vain and self-centered is he? He is making it sound like you grew a third eye or something.
I feel like I had just started to get my self confidence back and feel good about the way I look again and this has really been a blow to my self esteem.
Anyone that doesn't support you in achieving exactly this doesn't deserve to be in your life. You are already working on recovering a fairly minor weight gain from a major health scare a year ago, you are awesome! He is not.
OMG. I just finished reading, he gained weight??? This guy can fuck all the way off.
I don't have any problem with makeup and most people I know who wear it are normal, but there have been approx 2 who have had a rabid desire to force it on me to the point it seemed to drive them insane. The fact that there's been any is indicative of an underlying social disease regarding gendered expectations. So we're on the same page, more or less
Have you considered a divorce? This sounds like you need a divorce. Marriage does not mean your husband owns your body or vice versa. You are allowed to say no. If he wasn’t your husband I’d bet you’d be calling the cops right about now.
It’s common internet slang and probably the smallest issue here.
He is only after sharing your pictures and sex stories with his bros.
I have relatives living in the north of Canada. To smoke in the winter they have to get all dressed up because it's like minus 40°C and they'd lose their fingers if they didn't bother with gloves. It takes a long time to do all that and go outside, not to mention it's a pain in the neck.
But guess what? none of them smoke indoors because they respect the one non-smoker in the house.
If you think your GF's coming back after such blatant disrespect from you… well of course we see women going back to men who don't deserve them every day here, but if your GF has any self-respect, she'll be looking for a non-smoker who respects her.
Only issue would be that I only have two seats ?
The group went silent and he had an excuse ready.
Anyone else wondering when exactly the group all went silent at the same time? Something happened there.
Makes me wonder if they hadn't even meant to invite OP along, and as soon as someone realized OP was there…oops, better make a new chat.
I love this. You are a wonderful mommy! ❤️
My parents had a very abusive relationship. Not physical but verbal and emotional same vibes. Constant cheating constantly blaming herself. I never wanted that for myself and fell into it as a teenager.
My mom hated my first bf because she said he was just like my dad… that woke me up after being in denial for a long ass time.
I always tell my husband he's the man that sets the bar for her and she's lucky her dad is gonna be the most loving person ever. And her mom a crazy dragon lady that can spot a douchebag dude from far away. Lol
You’re boyfriend lives sober. He’s not going to be impaired. So I’m not sure how going to a rave is different than going to the grocery store. Do you trust him going to the grocery store? Maybe you’re worried because people around him will be impaired and your boyfriend will take advantage of that. If that’s the case then you shouldn’t be worried that he will cheat on you, you should be worried that he’s a rapist. General rule: rapists make horrible boyfriends – horrible people actually.
Yes, it would. All these posts about people trying to control what their partner is doing for fear their partner is going to cheat make me laugh because if their partner wants to cheat, they will regardless of the level of policing.
I’m fairly certain he didn’t cheat. She has a boyfriend now who she lives with. But it’s not why it bothers me. She’s done and said stuff in the past that hurt me wether or not it was her intention. I was shocked to see he was still talking to her
not your responsibility to do that, you are not a therapist. even if you shower someone who is depressed/anxious/insecure they will still have poor self image, because to fix that they need to do the active work on themselves. you cant fix her for her even if you want to.
Lol she pressured him sure. He’s a grown 30 year old, he chose to cheat.
If you suddenly got a male friend who you started going on multiple outings with and had him sleeping over, your boyfriend would probably lose it.
Cut him loose, grieve the relationship (if you need to), and maybe look into counseling. The fact that you feel so troubled by setting boundaries in your relationship makes me feel very sad for you. You deserve better.
You're not accusing her of lying, you would be addressing the fact that she has lied. This girl is a teenager, that changes everything. You are the adult here, act like it and confront this head on.
I was shocked but didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin the vacation.
Info: did you continue sleeping together after you found out how young she really was?
So then why didn’t he delete me off ig?
Yes I still saw her after our agreement for an attempt at reconciliation. She did say she wants to get us into counseling for this, but that’s all she has hopes that can fix this, as it’s still fresh emotions.
My eyes can’t roll back far enough
Do you think I should just never bring it up to her again?
No. If they can't learn to communicate it may come to that point down the line as resentments grow and fester. Until then they need to learn to both communicate and to listen. It sounds like they had a great talk though
First of all, there is not a time limit to discussing things that upset you in a relationship. You are feeling valid feelings of mistrust and violation, because he violated your trust in a horrible way, multiple times. And apparently suffered zero consequences. So yeah, bring it up. Make him walk you through his thought process, make him explain what he got from that choice and how he thinks it has affected you. Talk about it until you feel better, because he wronged you in an enormous way, that I feel confident most would not forgive. If he gets defensive or says you're bringing up “old stuff” let him know it is indeed current events both because you are still disturbed by his actions currently and because your ass in out there on the damn internet, without your consent, currently and in perpetuity. Thanks to him.
I hope this is fake …
!update me
This would never happen.
Lol, what happened to praising Jesus?
Nude objection to “the only person that should matter to her”? That's total horseshit! She should matter to herself too! Not to mention the child he wants her to help raise, why is he the only one that should matter to OP? Is it cause he's a man?
Just focus on your own issues buddy, like cumming in a cup and trying to have a kid at 60…
That is called abuse.
This was no accident. Don't pretend it is.
Dump Zac and let him fund someone who actually cares about him, obviously you don't.
Listen to to what he has to say. Watch his behaviour over time. Tell him it would be good if he wishes to change. Tell him it will take a long time for him to show you he has changed.
Maintain your distance to the level you are comfortable.
He’s a tradesperson, so is required on site, at different sites. Locations always vary. I don’t suspect any issues with infidelity or him living elsewhere as we own a house together.
Whether people want to admit it or not we all have limits, deal breakers and non-negotiables about pretty much everything in life be it sex, drugs, alcohol, religion, employment, education, family etc.
By not disclosing this information she took away his ability to make an informed choice before they became serious.
Yea. It's just plain wrong. Poor OP.
Yea. It's just plain wrong. Poor OP.
I just need some advice on how to keep going call me a pice of shit because that is what I am but how to I go on?
you go into therapy and find out why you had the selfish need to implode several relationships around you…there is your way 'out'..unfortunately for you its gonna take a very long time for you to be a better person and your relationships with your family will never be the same. Still it is recoverable to some degree.
But she was aware she had it and didn't tell him. That's disgusting.
Yes -unfortunately, he doesn't want to take you to dinner or to the movies or anything that is going to cost him MONEY. He only wants you to come over and sleep with him. Just stop this one sided relationship. Have more respect for yourself.
I'm sorry, but if you go on Reddit looking for advice (especially, in this case, when the looker for advice is in their THIRTIES), and allow yourself to be swayed by internet strangers, that's on the rhetorical you. I can't tell if you're so fragile that strangers' opinions alone will cause you to make a massive life choice, and since the majority of people seem to understand that Reddit is…you know, REDDIT, I'm not going to lowest-common-denominator myself because some folks are more impressionable than silly putty.
Yes, there are some folks who will walk off cliffs if someone tells them to. No, you don't have to act as if that's everyone.
I'm sorry, but if you go on Reddit looking for advice (especially, in this case, when the looker for advice is in their THIRTIES), and allow yourself to be swayed by internet strangers, that's on the rhetorical you. I can't tell if you're so fragile that strangers' opinions alone will cause you to make a massive life choice, and since the majority of people seem to understand that Reddit is…you know, REDDIT, I'm not going to lowest-common-denominator myself because some folks are more impressionable than silly putty.
Yes, there are some folks who will walk off cliffs if someone tells them to. No, you don't have to act as if that's everyone.
If it's a nude boundary for you, that's more than enough reason to end it.
But just so you know, 92% of men and 61% of women watch porn and masturbate at least once a week. It's widely considered a normal, healthy outlet by the vast majority. Working on your body image issues (preferably with a therapist) is probably going to be a better option than projecting your insecurities onto others and trying to control their private habits.
Dude! You leave or make her leave.
Screenshot stuff and send to yourself.
But she's a cheater and doesn't care about you.
The stress from trying to make something work with some one you can't trust is life ruining.
Move on.
Absolutely not. Weddings have very strict dress codes for a reason. This is not the hill he wants to die on either.
Your life is ew but only you can fix it but not really interested.
It’s unfortunately not funny.
I have ADHD and we are all up in our emotions so I'm really pleased to hear your fiance is someone who has been able to be understanding.
I wish I could go on a year retreat in the woods by myself to figure my shit out but you know that's just not an option unfortunately.
As much as running away is not usually a good option, it may be worth speaking with your therapist about taking a break and cutting contact from both relationships. I think nostalgia is clouding your judgement with your ex and you're not able to truly connect with your fiance who is standing in front of you, ready to love you forever.
However, just because someone loves you or is ready to love you, it doesn't mean they are the right person for you (your fiance) – and just because we love someone it doesn't mean they are right for us ((your ex).
I really think you would benefit from cutting off contact with your ex and possibly even your current fiance and taking a few months to yourself to do things you enjoy, spend time with positive friends and influences, and after a few months of not seeing (in person or live) or speaking to these men, your heart will tell you if you still want to be with one of them or possibly neither of them.
You don't need to settle for someone who treated you so poorly and has really messed with your mental health (your ex) just because you have nostalgia and you love him – you'll love a lot of people in life but if it hurts you terribly, mistreats you, hinders your mental wellbeing then you need to step away as nude as that can be.
Also, in regards to your fiance, he could be the best person in the world and love you so much and be terribly understanding but that doesn't mean you have to feel the same way about him.
I think taking some time, having a fun time with friends and hobbies, or even a vacation, and speaking with your therapist will do you wonders and clear your mind and show you what you want. Right now your mind is busy and clouded and being pushed in all different directions – how on earth could you decide what you want and what is right for you with all of that going on?
If there were any possibility of her leaving, then working would make sense but she does not seem to even have conceived of that. Instead she is choosing indentured servitude and you're calling her independent. She isn't.
The way you word this situation does spread the doubt around, however this seems like an insecurity thing more than a cheating one.
On what do you base your concern. On him cheating or perceiving her as more attractive than you?
I'm believe it's the latter, but I personally can not claim to know the truth if I don't even know any of you three.
If your friendship with Kate is truly platonic then it comes down to what exactly about your friendship makes your gf uncomfortable? Are the two of you too touchy, does the way you two talk to each other/interact come off as flirtatious, do you spend a lot of 1 on 1 time without your gf, do you confide in Kate about your relationship with your gf, does Kate confide in you about her romantic interests/dating, etc.?
Our friendship has a more sibling vibe to it. It's not romantic at all. I also don't tell her anything about my relationship with her best friend, that'd be rude and innaproriate. Kate also rarely talks about her relationship with her boyfriend, sometimes it'll come up in conversation, but it's rare and quite brief.
I would say that I've been struggling to get some alone time with Lucy. She's been super busy Of late between school and her part time job.
Though it sucks and we haven't been spending as much time together as we used to we've both put aside some time at least once a week or two to spend most of the day with each other.
We don't really have any other problem in our relationship except this one.
Also, if you were to take your friendship with Kate and apply the exact same dynamic to a friendship that your gf might have with your guy bff, how would that make you feel? If you'd be uncomfortable in that situation then it's up to YOU AND YOUR GF to discuss limiting contact with said friend.
Of course I wouldn't be okay with this. I do agree that the closeness me and Kate have should be limited, controlled, ended if it makes her uncomfortable. That's why I went along with her way of doing this.
This applies to this situation too, aka, your gf asking just you to limit contact with her bff while she doesn't, doesn't seem very logical or fair, does that make sense?
Yeah it does. In the end I'd appreciate it if Kate didn't tag along soo much. We are supposed to have a conversation about this the next time we go out together so I'll see what she'll say about her herself limiting contact with her bff via bringing her along all alot.
Personally, you/anyone should be able to be friends with however they want, as long as friendships are kept platonic while you are in a relationship. IMO, we/maybe you need more info/context/specifics on what it is about your friendship with Kate that is upsetting to your gf? Being, “too close”, to a friend could be an insecurity on your gf's part or a fact/problem on your part. Are you both too close to each other because you've got a platonic/family/good vibes type of friendship or is it because you both physically touch each other all the time?
It's a family vibe kind of relationship I have with her. Like I said in the post I suspect Kate just never had a sibling or platonic male figure in her life. She's also shy and reclusive so it might be great for her to hang out a lot with people she doesn't have to be anxious around. I'd think that's why she tags along with us a lot.
We don't physically touch. I would think it's more just how buddy-like we can be at times. Someone else in the comment section has said that they wouldn't like it if another woman had a “good cop, bad cop” relationship with their SO, so I'm pretty sure that's what's bothering her.
The next time we link up I'll talk to her about not having Kate tag along soo much. I think that would be a good place to start.
Thanks ?
No, he is not responsible for your mental illness. You need therapy. You should end this relationship and get therapy.
? poor man's award
Duh
First red flag-your ages. He is way too old to be with you. Do you know anyone else in their 30’s? Ask them if they’d be in a relationship with a 24 year old. I’m sure they will tell you that there are too many years between you. Forget live dating and meet someone in the wild that you share an interest with. What he did was shitty but I’m glad this didn’t happen years later.
Dude, do you know how tough it can be to travel to your therapist? In a world in which he’s a kind and thoughtful person, it should be very secured.
I can’t get to sleep… I think about the implication…
I know my husband's password and he knows mine.
wtf, run.
Honestly it sounds like he took a few days to think through what he wanted. It doesn’t have to be a dark reason he went silent. Sometimes we just need to be in the right headspace. And when you care about someone it’s nude to contemplate hurting them when they’re being super sweet and kind.
I did an LDR for 6 years. I’d fly to her once a month for 36-48 hours. We talked everyday. I picked up whenever she called. Every time I left she would say things to try to get me to stay, beg me to stay. I pointed out how hurtful it was to constantly be made to be the bad guy. She understood but it made her feel better to cry and say those things. One year she cried everyday on the phone. I had to back burner literally every one of my feelings to support her. LDRs are rough.
Does the area where you live have local government services? You should be able to talk to a social.worker about what's going on. I would also call.your family doctor Phone help lines can direct you to services too. Do you have access to a service like Lifeline?. They can give you a list of services that night be able to assist you
Why are you with someone that tells you to 'fuck off' like that? Do better for yourself.
You can break up with anyone for any reason. This sounds like your fire for him is dying out and you're looking for someone that fits your needs (and looks) more. It is better to break up now then keep stringing him along. Go see what else is out there and enjoy your youth!
Can confirm, was once Mandy. If the porn addicted partner does not truly want to change and rewire his brain, it is over. Absolutely no point wasting another minute trying to save a relationship that died in the bedroom first a long time ago.
Like Mandy, I am also married to someone else and happy as HECK, have been for a decade now 🙂 Never felt more valued. OP, I think you know where I stand on this. Deep inside, and hopefully before your self esteem takes another hit (that shit takes time to rebuild again, fyi), you already know what to do.
“Leaving her without any income”
Lmao she’s an adult and should act as such.
I'm not gonna go all savage on you about him being a cheater but let me tell you my experience and you can do with it what you will.
I met my ex husband on my 31st birthday. I met him live. He came to my house after we had been messaging all day (I had just moved to the city and was looking for friends.) He had a habit of meeting women online although not always meeting up with them.
I caught him on various dating apps all the time before he moved in. He swore it was for fun.
He moved in with me, I still caught him on these apps or he would sometimes blatantly ask me if he could start looking for a 3rd for us.
We moved to another city. He got a job where he traveled. We got married.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks after my 39th birthday, I'm sitting in a hotel with my ex husband on a family vacation waiting to go catch a flight. One of my friends texts me out of nowhere, like I hadn't seen this gal in 10 years, she texts me a screen shot of my ex husband's plenty of fish profile.
I laughed and told her it was old. I mean that's what he told me, although the profile picture was pretty current. We flew home and I “hacked” his POF account because he was using our netflix password as his password. He'd been searching random hook ups in other cities and had pictures on it taken in our apartment after we got married. Like this wasn't an old account and he hadn't been spoofed. Pictures of him in Florida on a work trip that he clearly wasn't taking a selfie, etc.
I started finding other things in the house that suggested he was cheating when I was away on trips. He will and does deny this, to this day.
That was my life. My divorce was finalized after my 41st birthday.
On paper he was perfect, he made good money, we had nice things, our bills were paid. Off paper he was this… whatever it was.
Perfect isn't real. You have to decide what level of disrespect you are willing to live with, with a person who has a whole ass other personality on-line to the point they lie about it.
Leave? Why is this a question that needs asking?
What I don't particularly understand is why you seem so aggressive. I answer your questions about my habits in good faith. I am a regular person in good health, I communicate honestly with friends, family, and partner and they do so with me. I am in good health and I shower everyday, I just don't do it like everyone else does. I don't walk around smelling up a storm and I don't get why that is completely unbelievable.
When the trust is gone, the relationship is over. I’m sorry. You’ve had a learning journey of seven years. It’s time to break free and move forward. Take care.
When the trust is gone, the relationship is over. I’m sorry. You’ve had a learning journey of seven years. It’s time to break free and move forward. Take care.
When the trust is gone, the relationship is over. I’m sorry. You’ve had a learning journey of seven years. It’s time to break free and move forward. Take care.
Don’t go back to your ex, he’s now repentant because you caught him and probably because he misses the financial support you provided.
With this new guy either take it very slow or cool it off.
She's no longer comfortable talking to you about anything besides work. I don't blame her for being more careful about boundaries. Things've changed, and that's okay.
Match her energy. Don't keep pushing her to talk about stuff she doesn't want to talk about. Things are only going to be tense if you insist on making her tense.
Don't mix up lust and love…
Dump him and go get a new tattoo.
Okay yeah that's abusive.
He's a grown adult, he can control what he says and when. He chooses to use abusive language to belittle you and cut you down.
I bet he doesn't speak to his boss the way he speaks to you. Its a choice.
Or they used them when she was on her period for easier cleanup…
Hi OP I’m sorry to get here so late, but I just wanted to chime in that you did the right thing. A very mature thing. Something that will stand you in good stead for a very long time. Like others I am old enough to be your parent, so I’ll give some parental perspective here.
When I got engaged to the person I’ve now been married to for 30 years, most of my friend group trash talked her. The ones who were fully supportive remained in my life. The others moved to arms length and the friendships withered. This is what you are looking for in a partner. Someone who is “us against the world.” There not so easy to find at 21. A little easier once prospective partners have some experience living in the real world where there’s less room for drama.
You’re not a freshman anymore, and you’re moving beyond the mind of boundary-less social groups and relationships that come with the intensity of close living conditions and few real life pressures. (This kind of shit doesn’t fly when everyone has jobs and rent to pay.)
It sounds like your ex boyfriend hasn’t been ready to make this transition in emotional development with you. That’s not surprising. You’re making it kind of early and most guys get to full emotional development later than most women (sorry for the gross generalization).
He’s got some thinking to do. As you said these will not be forever friends. But it sounds like he is living very much in the moment and isn’t thinking about the future, in which failing to stand up for your partner is relationship death.
Since the breakup, has he made any changes? Does he understand why you broke up and the choices he made that led to it?
I have a couple of friends who have this issue and it doesn't go away. You're going to be dealing with this for the rest of your life. I think you kind of either have to accept it that it's always going to be there or terminate the relationship if it's not something that you want to deal with forever. Definitely a rock and a nude place.
My husband and I had a similar situation. The first few days of the breakup were so nude on me, but after a short while when he asked for me back I couldn't do it. I realized that I was actually feeling happy and secure on my own, and things were going to need to change for me to ever consider being with him again.
They did change, and now we've been together for over 4 years and just got married last month
I think you should also be asking yourself why you don’t believe him when he tells you he loves you and is attracted to you? He wants the lights on because he likes looking at you. He touches the spots you don’t like because HE LIKES THEM. You are not doomed and neither is your marriage or your sex life. Like others have said I highly suggest seeking individual therapy because your self esteem and self loathing is very worrisome.
None of us know what happened but from what you've described it sounds like she was having an emotional affair, when it finally turned physical it either went badly or the fog lifted and she realised what she was doing. Now she's doing her best to assuage her guilt by over compensating and hoping you're too grateful to dig any deeper
Your relationship seems heavily based on misandry, and that's weird. And you're right, cut that shit out, comparing yourself to this misandrist boogeyman is not doing you any favors.
I'd suggest cleaning your whole house every night. Dishes, trash, floor, recycling, wiping down surfaces. And then do a good bathroom scrub on Sundays.
Why not cut it off for 3mo minimum while you both work on therapy and healthy friendships with other ppl? After 3 mo, re-evaluate with your therapist. If it’s meant to be, you’ll be in a healthier place to have new patterns.
Literally why are you getting down voted. I don't see anyone else offering help as to what he should've done in an emergency mental health situation, but instead judging him and those spitting data about the hold.
I definitely understand that panic attacks don’t abide by normal emotional logic – come from a long line of anxiety disorder! And not saying OP was wrong for having one. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have consequences, which might just be a spouse isolating or lying.
And I feel I should clarify, I’m not attempting to say the wife did the correct thing here. I agree with you – my spouse and I never ever lie to each other and I don’t think it’s a good sign in a relationship. I am just exploring this as an alternative to “she’s cheating on you” which is where everyone else seems to be going.
Relationships are nuanced and this one is clearly complicated as hell. Until they seek counseling, the marriage is doomed anyway, regardless of cheating or the potential of lying for other reasons.
I think it's more of a matter of how much you're okay with having a relationship with someone who is battling an addiction.
It's sounds like you guys have tried working a lot of things out, but if it hurts you this much, I'd really ask yourself if the anxiety and ordeal is worth it for YOU.
This sounds like a legit reason to break up. Unless you’ve never brought it up before. Have you told her you need this to change?
She's cheating. Whether it may not be physical, it's definitely emotional with this “friend.” He's not a friend of yours but a friend of hers.
What does this guy do all day for him always to come over? He's coming over to see your wife, not you. This guy doesn't care about your marriage, and neither does your wife. You got to be stern here, don't back down from anything. Tell her you aren't comfortable with them hanging out and that she's hiding it; she's hiding it because she knows it's wrong. People don't keep secrets unless they know it's harmful. Tell her what's more important, the family you're building or this guy.
You have to be a bit ruthless here. I wouldn't want this guy anywhere near my family anymore. He knows what he's doing, and so does your wife. If she wants to keep seeing him, then let her but let her know you won't be around for it.
Take drastic actions. Let her know you aren't fucking around.
You can get therapy for yourself. Just because you had issues in the beginning, doesn't mean you owe him. No one is owed a relationship.
Look at the damage his addiction has caused you. You don't want him to touch you anymore. I don't know if your relationship can come back from this.
If they do it once , they will do it again
Given that he was 30 while you were only 20, I'm guessing you were either a side piece or a quick fuck when he got the urge.
It's time to move on. You've been hung up on a situationship for 5 years and that's not healthy
What take is that? It's a hobby. I've been in games with 60 year olds before. What about the WOW grandma? Like.. it's a hobby. As long as it's not overtaking your life then its fine.
28 year old be will gladly be playing Diablo 4, TOTK, finalfantasy 16 in the month and a half stretch they come out. And my bf will be sitting with me for 2 and we will be queuing together for the third.
It's no different than watching a TV show or a movie or scrolling on idk… reddit?
Why is he going to die travelling to India?
He wants you to be the fun girl, well be the fun girl then. Dont let the kids stopping you. It never bothers him anyways. Why do you have to be the grown ups alone in this marriage?
He wants you to be fun and advanturous, well go will him in his travels then!. You both and get helpers to stay with the children, he makes a lot of money he is VP.
I have concerns with husbands going away on business and pleasure trips alone, be careful or he will cheat on you someday, just because you think it is the grown up thing to stay with the kids.
Men needs attention or they will stray when there are temptation.
Ok either that or she senses you’re too desperate for sex or making uncalibrated attempts to have sex which she’s rejecting, women don’t like that
The problem I have with age gaps of 10+ years is when the younger person is under 25 (i.e; with a brain that isn’t fully developed). At 37, you’re more capable of thinking about things in the long term and (probably) less likely to put up with controlling behaviour than someone who is much younger (though people of any age can and do find themselves in controlling/abusive relationships). It’s not like you’re “barely an adult” and so I don’t think the kinds of people who would be interested in you could be classified as creepy the same way a 40-year-old looking to date 20-year-olds would be.
Honestly i think it’s horrible, at some point you felt close enough to call her your BESTFRIEND and now your screwing get baby daddy… yikes .. This kinda stuff is exactly why i will never be close to a female again or let her around my partner/ childs father . Good luck. ??
Honestly i think it’s horrible, at some point you felt close enough to call her your BESTFRIEND and now your screwing get baby daddy… yikes .. This kinda stuff is exactly why i will never be close to a female again or let her around my partner/ childs father . Good luck. ??
You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s just overreacting. I thought it was nice of you to want to get to know her friends to me it shows that you care about her, but she should’ve told you differently and be like “hey I don’t mean to sound like I don’t want to hang out, but I just want to hang out with my friends tonight, maybe next time we get together I can introduce you.”
I hope you find someone better.
stop having sex with him is my vote, he's showing you your needs are not a priority
Damn this entire post would be a huge turnoff for me if I was the boyfriend. I told my now wife I loved her first, with no expectation she would say it back because that's not how this works, everyone is on their own timeline and to be offended that he's being true to his timeline is a HUGE red flag.
Get a grip, OP
Yeh defo trust ur gut bro. Just ask why’s she being so dodgey about it and when she makes up some excuse ask to see her phone. If she really isn’t hiding anything surely she’ll have no problem with u looking, but if she does have a problem I reckon u neck a couple Stella’s and get the wife beater on.
I hear you been there. I think you'll feel much better when you do, make plans with friends and family instead of her and keep yourself busy.
My dentist told me the only way to stop your gums bleeding is to brush. It’s the not brushing that causes the problem and makes it persist. You have to brush even if there is blood. You’ll then find that it quickly goes away. My husband is having dental work done now and was having bleeding gums. They prescribed him a strong medicated mouthwash, maybe your husband needs something like this to help.
I actually had an ex with bad hygiene. I didn’t realise till I moved in with him. He didn’t like to brush his teeth at all, and he smoked! He also used to hoard, it was a mess. We only lived together a few months before I couldn’t take it anymore. I now believe that he had ADHD and had a problem with executive dysfunction that made it nude for him to do certain tasks.
I always like to think there is room for reconciliation but if I were your fiancé, I dont think this is a relationship I can continue forward with.
He sound severely immature. How dare he accuse you of being one of those girls. He what's ultrasound and thought pregnant.. omfg… Focus on finding out what's the cause of this pain and he can drop the sniveling poor excuses on his way out the door. Bye Felicia ? Don't settle for this behavior!!!
Good idea. Thanks
Your GF is a stupid cow and your mom should not have walked out you. The women in your life are abusing you
I don't have anything that crazy, but I love telling my friends back home the stuff I've done in the military, the looks on their faces is priceless