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So my sister " Jill" (fake name obviously) started a small side-business selling self-defense keychains live after she was mugged coming home from Uni a few months ago. Recently I was able to stop by and see her and she gave me one to give my gf " Talia" (21f. )
Well Talia' s stuck near the arctic circle for another couple weeks designed for work so I' ve had the keychain sitting down around for a few days and am finally decided to check it out. Visually, it looks great! It offers the long spike thing, a personal alarm, seatbelt cutter machine, a whistle, a flashlight, door-pull, wrist strap, an AirTag holder (unofficial), and a few pieces that look like container openers? (I' m not too sure what they' re for and at this time I' m afraid in order to ask because the answers are therefore depressing)
Anyway, on nearer inspection I noticed that the things i thought was metal at first was actually some kind of shiny sparkly plastic or fat. Ok, no big deal, it looks nice. I examined the seatbelt cutter on some denim scraps I put laying around and it worked great! Even had a switch to deploy a window-smasher, 10/10 no complaints presently there.
But then I tried the whistle… it was nearly noiseless. Ok, crappy plastic whistle, how about the little noise grenade then? Barely better. We left it ringing upon my bed, went to the particular hall and closed the doorway, I could barely hear anything. It sounded kind of like the whine of fluorescent lighting. Next up I went back in, closed my power outage curtains and tested the flashlight. It was ok, it had been the press-to-use kind and did a decent job illuminating my room, but the button was naked to hold down and the light would flicker occasionally.
The AirTag owner was just a flimsy plastic sheet heat-sealed together with the tuck-in flap to secure the AirTag. I tugged on it and it tore straight by 50 % off the keychain like it was butter. Tried the door-pull and it worked (not certain what I was expecting generally there. ) And finally the stick. In case you don' t know what I' m talking about, I did so my best to Google this and I think it' s known as a " kubotan? " Whatever it is, when I tested it by stabbing this in the dirt it was so smooth and slippery I ended up just jamming me against the ground. I finally tried the bottle opener-looking things on a beer (they work, but the plastic is certainly chipped now) and had an excellent long sit-' n-think as to what I' d just found out.
It was very clear that Jill had used the cheapest stuff possible to make her keychains, and I didn' t really feel safe having Talia travelling with that will to " protect" her, especially when the top two exports where the lady currently is are SA kits and perma-sleeping people. I' m really mad at Jill right now pertaining to potentially putting people at risk with faulty/ineffective products, when all they have on the really thing that even halfway works are the seatbelt cutter machine, flashlight, bottle opener, as well as the door-pull!
I want to tell Jill her product is crap, yet I' m worried that will I' m too furious and will say something I' ll regret. I think the girl business should continue, but with higher-quality items that actually work. All I want to do right now is shout at the girl, but I don' big t want her to give up on this, and she' s already been extra sensitive since the mugging so I know she' t not going to take this well.
EDIT: Y' all' re so hung up on me testing the keychain. We check each other' s things before we hand this over. She tested my birthday power drill prior to I even set eye on it. We call it " quality assurance" and we have blanket permission to use each other' s stuff. A person guys are so gatekeepy along with your things. My question is all about my SISTER and her cheap keychains.
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“I realized at some point that he was never going to be the dad I wanted” and “I felt this deep pit of dread in my stomach” – You've said it perfectly. This realisation and dealing with it it's incredibly painful and difficult to get to, but also so cathartic. It is a grieving process for the people you wish they were, and for the relationship you wish you had with them.
OP, I am glad you are starting to open up and talk about your trauma. It helps with the negativity you've internalised, and will show you there are people out there who have also been through this. We believe you, and we hurt for you, and we root for you.
I've been NC with my parents for over a decade now. It's not easy, but it's freeing, and it's a healing process. You have to learn to love and care for yourself, and allow others to do that as well. It's not going to happen at once, but it will get better slowly. The wound, the hole it left, It'll still be there, it'll still hurt, but after a while you won't feel it so much, and then you'll allow yourself to forget about it for longer and longer.
You can still love them, they are your parents, it's only normal. You can forgive them or not, you can understand they're deeply flawed humans, who have probably gone through their own abuse and traumas in their life. But at the same time you can still hate their behaviour, their actions, their abuse. You can choose to forget or not. You CAN AND SHOULD choose to not subject yourself to that anymore. All of these are not mutually exclusive.
I hope you have the strength and support to choose yourself, your well-being, your sanity and your health.