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Mary, 99 y.o.
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Date: February 23, 2023
The times when he acts nice are part of the abuse. It's how he gets you to stay so he can treat you badly.
The times when he acts nice are part of the abuse. It's how he gets you to stay so he can treat you badly.
All of this. Stop being her doormat. If you pay for the gym, cancel it or change the plan so only you have it. Block her number for sure, and go wherever the Hell you want. She doesn't own the gym. You're under no obligation to tell her either. Not your problem.
If it is such important info he should’ve asked. “Btw, I’m transphobic so tell me know if you were AMAB”.
Sexual coercion/sexual assault. As others have said, sex trafficking – and are you sure he isn't getting paid for this? As others have said, it sounds like he is forcing you into sex work. Your anxiety attacks are classic signs of sexual abuse/assault.
PLEASE GET OUT. This is only going to get worse.
Good point. Go for your wife, because the other scenarios are only lose-lose.
He apologized for making me cry, panicked and rushed to my side, he kept saying he didn't know it would upset me like that and he never meant for me to cry.
Actually we talked after I posted, he said he thought I always listen and believe whatever he says cause I'm kind and sweet, he never thought it was out of trauma , and if he knew he would have never. He said he just wanted to start a banter with me. He explained that giving me orders was something he would never do (he never did) , so he thought I would catch on it and slap him back the head or something .
The thing is, I just talked to him like a week ago, I told him I need him to start being nicer when he asks or tells me something cause I feel uneasy when he asks for something in a serious tone ( I'm talking turn off the lights, give me a cup of water type of requests, and honestly I ask him more things than he asks me but I always say please babe or something nice).
I've become easily triggered after my father's death, couple of weeks ago I told him that I'm trying to work through my trauma and solve my issues to be better so he needs just to work with me for a while and understands how my emotions are all over the place and I can't regulate them well enough yet , idk is he not listening? Is he listening but not making the connection? Am I asking for to much and holding him responsible for my emotions? I feel like my head is the laundry chair.
He isn’t “sweet and protective” he’s being rude and controlling. Even if it was a bar there’s nothing wrong with working there. His attitude is a major red flag.
Break up with him. You did what YOU wanted to do, and there are definitely dudes out there that love piercings, and also recognize that they have no business telling their partner what to do or not do with their body.
You can not help people who don't want up help themselves.
You try to push her. She doesn't want that.
You now have to accept her for her. Or leave.
smh… his 'needs' should have been making sure you are taken care of. Sorry you had to go through that.
This, as a girl, I totally agree that some things should just never be shared out of a relationship because it’s a huge breach of privacy and trust.
Fuck can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it like that. Jesus
I'm complaining because I'm going down on her whenever she wants for how ever long it takes and i get the hurting of face and jaws, my face/jaws are still sore the next day but, what I'm not getting is the connection with her that she is getting with me in that area.
Ask your bf why he gave her his number
Text the girl pretending to be your bf, ask whether she would like to have something more. If she is agreeable, show your bf see what he thinks and that he needs to block her and never to talk to her again. And before that, call the girl and tell her to stay away from your bf.
Clearly you weren’t as perfect for her as you thought. The cherry thing of what she did is that it makes you reconsider everything about your time together. It’s insidious.
I see. What do you think about the other interpersonal scenarios I described? (The close friends, neighbor and strangers) I don’t think my cultural background plays much of a role here because I consider myself as mostly westernized.
Dear God. I read the whole thing and it seems like a doozy when in reality is very simple.
Why are you groveling for G when he can’t even give you an ounce of respite?
I just cannot fathom being in the death spiral of a person who has such black and white views and not self-reflect that it’s hurting you. Neurodivergence is not an excuse to being a dick.
He calls you names, insults you, guilts you, and you still play as “very valid”. Yeah. Ok. They’re both idiots for treating you like garbage for a mistake they made with each other.
How much more can you apologize when he will continue to berate you for something he said he let go, but as YOU know, he obviously can’t?
It seems to me like you are willing to set yourself on fire for him, when he can’t even meet you halfway. Set some boundaries. You ALREADY apologized. Any conversation in which he goes into his cycle, shut the door, leave. Give warning, I will not tolerate this. Mean it. For every single instance he “has to be right” you need to shut that shit down. He knows you appreciate him as a close and dear friend and HE IS ABUSING IT. Put a stop to his behavior by setting boundaries if you want the friendship to continue.
Ren can also disappear. She obviously was saying things to rile up G, and didn’t give two shits about how you were standing in the middle.
I think it’s kinda weird that these things are being told to you by “A” that “S” has said… but “S” has never before ever mentioned or acted like he doesn’t want you there? Or did you just not mention that part?
It makes me think that either “S” hasn’t actually said anything about you not allowed to be there so much and “A” is using it as an excuse…
Or
“S” said to “A” something like: hey your GF is living here 1/2 of each week… you owe more for rent $ (which would be completely reasonable, since you are a 1/2 time roommate & do use utilities and such).
Dude just ask her. You can read people if you surprise them. So don't have any lead up, just confront her. If she is cheating then do what you said and lock her out. Easy to do if she doesn't leave amicably on her own. Putting cameras on someone without permission is too far. If it comes to that then the relationship is irreparable anyways. Just kick her out regardless if your gonna do that.
You need to firmly tell him that anal sex is no longer something you're willing to try and you do not want to be harassed into changing your mind.
If anal sex is more important to him than your relationship you might as well find out now. It's clear anal sex is more important than your comfort and well being. Oh, and trust me, it will not be one time and he's done.
Yeah. The thing that gets me the most about this is that if it was true (which we know now it wasn’t) then your sister reported your girlfriend’s gang rape, not her cheating on you. A gang rape that none of the 9 girls tried to stop, allegedly. Your sister should have been horrified, and her first question should have been if your girlfriend was ok.
There are a lot of 26 year old women out there who get nude for boudoir shoots, gasp, in front of male photographers! There is no issue to be had with the wife… She was getting shots done by someone who is supposed to be acting as a professional. This is not some form of infidelity on wife’s part. bffr
What if it is someone catfishing as him? Are you and your friend 100% sure it's him on tinder?
Feelings are valid even if you don't agree with them. You don't get to tell people what they are allowed and not allowed to feel.
Perhaps you should read my other comments
It’s up to you to decide whether being with her is worth living in Ohio forever.
Ditch the quote marks and your boyfriend too.
Cut your losses and skip town, leave both of em, you don't like abc and you don't deserve your original girl.
Just chalk this up as one of those painful life lessons
Yeah lots of fishy things in this post. I don’t believe it’s real but if it is, bro really fucked up. I mean he was SA and should act accordingly but every decision after that was…illogical.
You can also go to your cell phone service provider and view texts sent to and from a number.
Ok
Doesn’t really sound abusive, annoying,asshole maybe, but clearly your mom has no issue with it and has been fine with it for years so…..if she’s happy otherwise ?♀️
It's been three years. He's not gonna get therapy because he doesn't want to. You're wasting your time with someone who doesn't want to get help. Don't move in with him. End it and move without him.
I think your crying led to her crying or at least that’s the order of how it happened in your post
I'm waiting for him to reach out because i think he needs to calm down and think over it and say what exactly he needs to say. I might catch him still being upset if i reach out now. That's what i think
Cut all contact and move on. Don’t involve yourself into anyone else’s problems. This woman is not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.
He is having an EA. He needs to go NC with this woman. You need marriage counseling to better communicate, if you want to save your relationship. You should also sign up for individual counseling for yourself. But, most importantly completely NC with AP. And him to understand that talking about intimate relationship information with this person is an EA. He is bringing this person into your relationship.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I have never seen a threesome end good. Also, if you are not comfortable with something, stand by it and don’t waver. Even if it’s the day of, no means no.
Saying she is going to work on herself means nothing unless there’s real work done. You need to start setting some boundaries. What do you expect this to look like? Is she seeking trauma therapy? She’s made a significant threat to her life. So saying she’ll work on it isn’t enough for either of your’s safety.
I could give her benefit of the doubt that she's not malicious, unless you have reason to believe otherwise … Or suspect she's trying to guilt you into being fertile?!
She's definitely silly in any case …
This is terrible advice, making it your gfs entire responsibility is a bad idea and makes you look like the child her mom thinks you are.
Feeld, OkCupid, ren faires and science fiction conventions but only if you'd be interested in the event itself.
This feels like a question for r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory
You should probably also check out the guide to kinky dating in the about section of r/BDSMadvice
“I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided that this relationship simply isn’t working out. We had a nice time together, but we aren’t compatible. I’m not interested in trying again. I think it’s best that we both move on. Best of luck to you. Good bye.”
That’s it. No need to talk to her ever again after this. You don’t need her permission to break up. She doesn’t get to “decline”. Let her know it’s over and then stop spending time with her.
exactly! the sister is acting entitled. Josh is not a toy at the shop to be “reserved” for her. strange & stupid thinking. I pity her bf thou – the poor guy is used & abused for the moment category.
I would never add her to the deed. Big reason is it just complicates things. Additionally you’ll need to refi, and I guarantee you’ll never get anywhere close to the rates you got in 2020
Thank you
That is literally still cheating. Just because he stopped before things got physical, it doesn't take away how much of a shit person he clearly is. Hell, who is to say he didn't actually get physical with her? Or that he has cheated with others? People will admit to something smaller in order to keep a larger lie out of focus.
You think OP was a clear communicator here? I think they’re entitled to feel how they did about the joke but it’s really not all the serious as to storm out and fly home early.
No heroes here.
You leave.
She endangered herself by doing MDMA outside of the boundaries you both agreed to. She lied about it.
She lied about her relationship with the couple.
She is likely lying about the guy only trying to involve her in a threesome – he probably already did.
Yeah he's an alcoholic. 10 beers is a shitload to drink in one night. And does he do that on both sat & sun? Goddamn.
I imagined myself describing my wife the way you described this woman. She’s not too bright. She’s fine. Is this woman really the one for you? If not move on.
The person dating someone while they are committed to an arranged marriage with someone else IS being cruel to the person they are dating (and most likely to the person they are committed to marrying too).
The OP's bf was also being cruel to the OP. It doesn't matter that he didn't want to hurt her. He withheld critical information from her, preventing her from giving informed consent to this whole relationship. FOR ALMOST A YEAR. He allowed her to develop feelings while he wasn't being honest with her.
It's okay to still have some maturing to do when you're only 19. It's not okay to act like you don't know right from wrong. That's something that young children start learning about.
BREAK UP AND MOVE ON!
Look up love bombing. It's a classic technique used by controlling people, and it works because you go through extreme emotions and the feeling of relief and feeling special works. It works especially well after they've made you feel like shit to begin with.
None of this seems like he's into you romantically, he seems nice and that he likes you as a person. Ask him out if you want to be sure, though I suspect most mature 31 year olds are not keen on mixing romance with work and university
You‘re literally victim blaming. She got sexually assaulted wtf.
Your husband declared to you in no uncertain terms he complicit in his family’s homophobia. He likely ruined his relationship with sister and you. Does he understand this?
I'm going to guess that you've probably actually never been inappropriately propositioned by a married man of a neighbor/One of your kids school mates. So maybe until you do you don't judge the actions of someone who's actually been there.
I was so confused by that. Pine needles??lol
I saw a therapist first but it didn’t help so I thought a psychologist would be better
Thank you! My FMIL knows that I would murder her lol
all excellent points all around
You seem too young and emotionally immature for this shit.
Please ignore all the 'legal' dating rules that people are spouting. If you are uncomfortable with anything, for whatever reason, then you have the right to feel that way. It is not about right or wrong, it is about how you feel.
Personally I would not hold it against him, he has done nothing wrong, but equally I would gracefully walk away. If he contacted me when he returned, I would let him down nicely. It is all personal choice, no one has the right to take that away from you, or judge your decision.
Good luck
You now know that you cant trust her. Why would you want to be with her?
Why do you want to “repair ” it?
I’m a bit unclear too. For the most part, it sounded like he wanted to reconnect in the future anyway. He had wanted to have a future with me anyway. So I am a bit confused. I am unsure if it’s because he wanted to focus on his career for right now or what. The way she talk to you she wanted me to know I’m not focus on him while he was gone. But if we cross paths again, he would be extremely happy.
There is nothing about this relationship that is healthy. She's controlling you and using you for financial support.
You should end the relationship and tell her she needs to move out. She will say and do anything that she thinks will push the right buttons in your brain to let her stay. She will try to make you feel guilty, to feel sorry for her, to feel like you're a terrible worthless person, anything that might result in you saying, “Okay, never mind, we can continue the relationship.” You need to not listen to her. She doesn't care about the truth or what's right or what's reasonable or what's fair to you.
What do you suggest I do? I’m honestly asking because I can’t leave yet
Gather your strength and leave her. She doesn't respect you nor really loves you. My gf gives me 10 messages a day and kisses my body from head to toe, telling me how much I'm the one for her.
Not practical. But feels good bro. Dump it now.
I met my girlfriend within that range, only thing was is she lived somewhere else. 9000km else, . So i guess i can say i did find the person in the world possible haha. I actually feel like that 🙂
Tldr but from title alone, not understanding why shes ur gf
I'm not hurt. I said you are gaslighting OP by incorrectly putting words in her mouth. She literally said she went there willingly. Reluctant accepting or doing something is very different to forced into doing something. The difference is who makes the final decision. I'm sorry you were raped but that doesn't improve your logic.