![](/cs/camsoda2500.jpg")
Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11w6p1o/i_found_a_video_of_my_gf_in_bed_with_3_guys_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Hi again. If you didn’t see my first post I found a video on my gf’s phone of her having a foursome. She told me it was a video from college but I wasn’t sure.
After reading the comments on that post I talked to her again later and tried to really be honest about how I was feeling. I told her I truly wasn’t snooping through her phone, and that her past didn’t bother me. I said I just wanted to be sure that the video wasn’t recent.
Then I asked if I could see the time stamp on the video. She said the time stamp wouldn’t be accurate because she just turned on the cloud storage option on her phone a week ago and it loaded a bunch of old videos from her laptop that were on the cloud before. She said that’s how she realized she still had that saved and decided to delete it.
So now I’ve been stuck for the past few days because her story makes sense logically to me. Our relationship has been great and I don’t want to end it if I don’t have to. But everything still doesn’t feel right in my gut. What do I do?
TL;DR Gf says a sex tape of her is old and the time stamp isn’t accurate.
submitted by /u/ThrowRA26224
[link] [comments]
Thank you
What are your thoughts on telling the cheating partners wife ?
Depends on whether your wife knows you know about it all. But it'll definitely escalate things.
GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW FIRST. Let her think you're staying, let her think you're OK. Get all the evidence you need, and get your lawyer, get a P.I. if you need to (depending on your state laws as to whether this will help you). DO NOT abandon the house or your kids, or it will hurt you BIG TIME in the divorce. It'll hurt your kids even more. YOU are the only one who cares about the kids, YOU ARE, your wife DOES NOT. Otherwise she would have not done things to blow up their home and family. REMEMBER THIS.
Frankly, you need to play nice, and the only inclination that your wife should have that you're getting a divorce is when she's served with that packet of papers. Not until then would it likely be OK to provide that evidence to the other person's betrayed spouse. You have to do what's best for you and your kids, and the best situation for them will be to stay with you, their dad, in their home. DO NOT LEAVE.
“maybe some practice/roleplays”
You’re still looking for her to enforce your rules. She is freezing as a survival strategy. Your disapproval and guilting (you mentioned elsewhere) is only making matters worse for her. She pacifies one man when he inappropriately touches her by freezing then she had to come to you and fawn to pacify you or you’ll be suspicious and jealous.
Work with her instead of against her.
Maybe OP’s boyfriend has been up and at work even longer. You literally just can’t know without the necessary info
I believe this is called a 'blessing in disguise'.
You should be sick of it. She's upset for something you did before the two of you were even together. There is literally nothing you can do about it, so stop apologizing. She needs to get over it or she will continue poisoning your marriage with her irrational insecurity
Why are you staying in such a going nowhere relationship?
Is it abusive? Nah. But is it healthy and “normal”? Also no.
Don't have a child unless you truly want a child. If this is a deal breaker for her then it's in the best of both your interests to part ways. Especially if you know a child will negatively affect your wellbeing.
And you are 9 years old and believe he is been honest!! He went to a motel to play cards with an ex. ???
I don’t have a problem with it but if he’s going to call me dad and I have to be okay with it then I should be allowed to adopt him. It can’t just be my wife’s child when it benefits her and she makes all the decisions. I want all the same rights and responsibilities for me to feel comfortable
You can leave whenever you want. You can get up and just go….have a great day, you aren't looking for advice. Not one that will work and solve your problem…..so what do you want advice on? how to get someone who is lying to to you to stop? how to get someone who is cheating on you to stop? how to repair all the damage done from the lies and cheating(that will never happen)? Every single person on the planet knows what needs to happen, maybe after a few more times being catching him, you will too.
He's definitely got some narcissistic tendencies. If he feels bad about something, it's because someone else dared to bring it to his attention. How the fuck am I supposed to know that asking him if he's done something that he said he'd do is the same thing as saying 'You're a piece of shit and you should never try anything again?' How am I supposed to know what the 'right' way to ask is when it's not coming from me, but from inside him?
Here’s what I know. The man I was married to had a monster of a father. He almost killed her. Literally 8 month hospitalization. He had no contact with him growing up. His mother remarried a man who beat the crap out of him. When his dad died, he very intentionally wrote ex out of will which takes some work in the country he came from because it’s law that you leave to your children. It decimated him. I think that was the most hurt I had ever seen in him. I was stunned. A monster. But. I learned that however horrible parents may be, children still want love and approval. I think that gives me some insight. If you are going to talk about it, be prepared to listen with zero judgment. You could even say you spoke with a stranger on the internet who shared this story. That you are genuinely interested and concerned. You are concerned because you see how doing favors for her seems to affect him negatively. Stick to facts. I couldn’t understand why you always say yes to someone who left you alone and didn’t provide basic necessities at times when he was a child. I wonder if you are trying to get what you didn’t as a little boy. I worry that it hurts you. Maybe suggest therapy so that he can heal but only after listening if he’ll open up. My ex didn’t get help around his childhood issues which were brutal. I doubt if he’s be my ex if he had. His childhood left some scars. Anger. Lots of anger. Good luck. I hope this helps.
Get a better BF. He is in love with her and puts her above you.
Please name one positive thing you are getting out of being in this relationship
How often are these disappointments linked to forgetfulness on his part? I can't tell if he forgot he was supposed to watch her that morning and agreed to go in early, or knew and did it anyway.