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I found out about a year ago that my boyfriend posted a pornographic video of us on his Reddit. I confronted him, he apologized and seemed extremely remorseful. I moved on. Out of curiosity I googled his old Reddit name and found a different account with MULTIPLE videos on there. Although they’re deleted on Reddit they are still out in the internet under nsfw websites. These videos were uploaded before I confronted him but coming to the realization that he posted these videos multiple times completely without my permission is breaking my heart. I’m not sure how to proceed. I am deeply in love with him and our lives are so connected at this point.
Here’s my dilemma, I want to confront him about this but in doing so I will admit to creeping heavily into his posting history. These videos were posted before I “ confronted” him however I was unaware he was posting multiple videos…… it just seems so much worse now.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice. Thanks guys
EDIT- thank you so much for being thoughtful with the responses it’s encouraging me to speak up. I struggle immensely with conflict and this is a HUGE lesson to fucking put that aside. I really had not realized the gravity of the situation
*** my face is in the video but “blurred” out w a shitty filter so not clear . My room and whole face shape are visible
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Ew, wtf! This man is a creep. Why would you be with someone who constantly asks about multiple women in your family? This isn’t only odd, it’s disrespectful and creepy. Major ick.
His sexual “jokes” are not jokes. This means he’s thinking about her sexually…not a joke at all. Does she feel the same about him? Because of she doesn’t, how creepy for her; I’d feel violated if a colleague was making sexually explicit comments about me.
When you confronted him about it, he acted like it was an incredulous statement, as if you didn’t have evidence suggesting that he does like her. You should get therapy because you called him out…GTFO.
Find yourself a man who loves all of you and isn’t an immature horn dog. My partner thinks I’m the hottest lady around and let’s me know that. We have great flirty banter and I’m the only one he has ever referred to. This is basic shit. Fuck this guy, OP.
Tbh I moved in with my husband after we dated for six months bc both our leases were up. It isnt necessarily fast, but I was 25 and he was 28. I asked a year in if we were attempting a long haul that would lead to marriage bc I need clear and concise expectations.
Yeah, its off with his sister, and it isnt something he likely admit to. But it seems like they already have a rule to maintain a degree of distance. I cant really tell.
You and your bf are not compatible. Also there was no misunderstanding. He did not ask if it was ok to have sex with someone else. But he did anyway and is now trying to make you 2nd guess yourself. Dump him. You deserve so much more.
He is not responsible for what happened to him as a child, but he is responsible for his own behavior now. I can't help you to understand him, but I do want you to know that you are also not responsible in any way for his words or actions. The only part you can control is your response when it affects you.
It is up to you to choose whether this is something you are willing to live! with for the rest of your life. If these tantrums are not something you are willing to deal with for the foreseeable future, then you need to tell him that either he gets real help to process what happened to him and find healthier ways to deal with his feelings (therapy, medication, learning better coping mechanisms), or you cannot stay and continue to allow him to continually hurt you because of his pain.
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Super, super condensed, but there you have it. So, my wife hurt herself…I dunno, three or four years ago? She wasn't able to continue doing her job anymore, so she took a desk job. Things progressed to the point she couldn't do that anymore. Now, she spends her days laying in bed, sitting upnfor a little while, or in the tub. Because of her disability, I end up doing everything. I cook, I clean, I deal with trash, I take care of the pets, everything. She helps out every now and again, if she doesn't have to get up. For example, she'll chop veggies for food, but that's all she can do.
Our son, my step son, will visit on the weekends but getting him to help me is harder than finding an honest politician. I'm so sick of doing everything, I just…I've started slacking, a lot, and I'm truly embarrassed by it, but I feel like there's so much to do I just…I'm alone in it. For example, the company that picks our trash, through a long bs story, ended up canceling our service. My in-laws said we can use their dumpster, an industrial dumpster, but I can only fill it at night. So I have to load up the trash, some of which is trash bags filled with pee and pine shavings (my wife sometimes can't make it to the toilet so she has a backup…), which I have to be very careful with because they leak. I will drive her car, which gets maybe 5mpg, a half mile to her parents place, unload, come back, and repeat until the trash is cleaned. Nobody helps me with this.
This is just one of the many, many things that falls to me do. I need to replace the floors in our trailer, I need to redo the waterproof coating on our roof, I have a…rather large list of things I need to do. I also need to hold down a job, something made even more difficult with everything going on. Before I lost my last job, my average schedule was as follows: I worked from 6pm to 6am. I would come home, spend time with my wife until 10, sometimes I'd help clean, sometimes we'd just watch movies, but I always got her food. On Mondays, I'd take our son to school when I got home (I worked a 2-2-3), so I'd get home about 8. Sometimes he had to take the day off because I was so tired, I nearly ran off the road. This had to happen about six times before my wife understood how serious it was…Anyway, at 10, often times, I would have to prep to make sure she had food, she had access to her emergency supplies like the toilet, sometimes it would be staying up to do some cleaning I “almost snuck out of.” So, often times, I wouldn't sleep until 12-1:30. I would get up about 4. I would usually have to hurry, hurry, hurry to make food and prep food so she wouldn't go without during the 12 hours I was at work and so I could eat before I left. I managed to keep this up for about a year before I got the boot.
I've left a lot out for the sake of saving time, but I've always been…a piece of work at times. My point, I've been in this position for so long, I've known my wife as, well, my patient for longer than I've known her as anything else. When she worked, she busted her butt, she was a naked worker, a dedicated worker and mother, but…now she can't do hardly anything because of…igh, so many medical problems it's hard to list them off. Her Co2, last they checked, was more than double what it normally is, she's torn ligaments in her knee, she's in constant pain, pretty much a full body cramp 24/7. I've cared for her so long, I don't feel like a husband, I feel like her nurse. Most of my time, I spend helping her.
Just recently she went into physical rehab and…spending time away from her, I feel…better. and it makes me sick. She's supposed to be my world, everything is supposed to revolve around her. Without her, I'm supposed to be nothing, for better or worse, in sickness and in health…but we fight all the time, I don't like being around her, every single time she asks me something it makes me sick, no matter how small. I put on a smile for her, tell her I love her like I always have, but I'm just…so…miserable. I fantasize about going back to trucking, I love driving around town or being in a store by myself because…I'm alone.
I'm not looking for sympathy, if anything she deserves it because she's stuck with this monster. I just want to scream out and beg for help, what do I do? I want to do stuff for her without feeling like I'm obligated to, I don't want being around her to feel like a chore. I want to feel like I love this woman rather than I'm stuck with this woman. I don't want to be miserable being around her, she hasn't done anything to me to deserve this.
How do I change myself, how do I fix myself so that I can be the man she deserves instead of the monster she's stuck with?!
Edit: So, to answer some questions, she is upwards of 400lbs. She has worn herself down and the only reason she's in rehab now is because the doctors have finally found something other than weight. She's a bit of a health nut, monitoring everything she eats, tracking carbs, sugar, she even totally cut out soft drinks. She'd also talking with her doctor about ways to lose weight, including having surgery I she continues to have difficulty owing the weight.
Sadly, it took her getting COVID when it first came out to help figure out that she had more going on than just weight, but it also tanked her lungs which was when she went on oxygen 24/7.
Your relationship sounds over, it’s time to move on. I’m not trying to be mean, he’s telling you what he wants and it isn’t you.
Here's what he said.
Thanks for the advice. I called my gf based on the posts here and broke up with her and told her she deserves better. She pleaded with me to not end things and that she forgives me.
I just couldn’t handle the guilt.
Why does this sound like a giant manipulation tactic? Break up with her so she feels like she messed up in some way. Then get back together and without discussion he will say something like “I'm so glad we were able to resolve the video issue. So, what's for dinner?”
Tell them however makes you happy. If they give you any lip about it, then you tell them they can kindly fuck off.
That’s the issue. I’ve been there kind and thoughtful person in past relationships and got very little in return. In my experience whether I’m in a casual relationship or a full blown relationship the level of treatment I get feels the exact same. This whole idea that men like to chase may be the reason why I’ve been getting treated like this. Why should I continue to emotionally invest so much into someone that only ever pays back with sex? From my experience the only difference between a fwb and a relationship is the level of effort given from the male end.
She's nice because as yet you aren't a threat and she's still ruling the roost. And maybe she is a nice person stuck in a crap situation, and that's why she yells. But no one wants to live! in a contentious household, period. That dynamic is only going to get worse. Get out while you can.
He definitely had sex with her. There is literally zero reason he would fly some random influencer out to meet as friends. Come on… drunk words are sober thoughts.
He treats you terribly, you deserve so much better than this guy.
I’m not sure. He said he would respect my decision on him being in their life or not but I know I can’t just take his word for something like that. I would get help and see what I can do, or if I can even keep him out of their life like you’re saying. This is all very new to me still. I live! in Sweden, if that makes any difference. I have sole custody to begin with since we’re not married. It would depend on if he takes any action also.
Not only will he not delete them but I’m sure he has shared them with his friends. This needs to be a huge lesson for you.