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Date: April 6, 2023
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I bet he's also not really ready to have kids with you. If that's what you want you might have to look elsewhere.
Thank you for writing this out, it really made me think. He has been very clingy, but backed off when I asked for space. Otherwise honestly he just seems emotionally stunted.
I don't know if I'm prepared to sit here and try to babysit him into attuning with his own emotions. My last two relationships were abusive and maybe I'm being overcautious but they both said I love you super early too.
Thank you for writing this out, it really made me think. He has been very clingy, but backed off when I asked for space. Otherwise honestly he just seems emotionally stunted.
I don't know if I'm prepared to sit here and try to babysit him into attuning with his own emotions. My last two relationships were abusive and maybe I'm being overcautious but they both said I love you super early too.
he never made an effort to save in the entirety of our whole relationship because he prefers to online in the moment.
I would hesitate to marry a person with this particular financial habit. This goes way beyond borrowing an ENORMOUS sum from his brother.
he never made an effort to save in the entirety of our whole relationship because he prefers to live! in the moment.
I would hesitate to marry a person with this particular financial habit. This goes way beyond borrowing an ENORMOUS sum from his brother.
This sounds incredibly frustrating for you. If you want the relationship to continue, maybe the two of you could work on learning new skills for resolving conflicts. I'm sure there are lots of online resources if you can't work with a professional in person.
Personally, I'd have a naked time staying with someone who called me names when they were upset about something. But it is behavior she can change, if she is willing.
He has a bad temper already? It’s gonna get worse. He’s weird for not being able to date a woman around his age and it’s probably because he has no qualities women his age want (like knowing how to cook)
Someone younger will put up with this because they’re inexperienced and don’t know. Don’t proceed with caution just don’t proceed at all. He can’t even take you to a bar. Think about what a guy like that wants with a 20 year old.
Then keep doing what you are doing, and if it flourishes to something, so be it. You are a great friend and support, but don't forget to look after yourself and suggest you talk to her about her behaviour.
You are very right, thank you.
If someone I was fucking charged me for water and electricity, lol, the audacity. Food, I can be more reasonable about splitting.
Hahaha when I was 20 my parents had us all on Life360, and I kept deleting the app (despite the fact they paid for my phone service). After many times of me deleting the app and them asking me to redownload it, we finally came to an agreement where I would stay on it until I left Paris (where I was studying abroad) and then I could delete it for good (which I did). I’m now nearly 28, but last I knew, the other five members of my family were all still on it ?
Point being, even if they’re paying for the phone, it’s still ok to set boundaries with your parents! This is not a healthy thing for your mom to be doing
It’s crazy. “My partner isn’t entitled to know my past!” You mean your spouse? Lol wtf. What kinds of relationships are these?
I honestly was happy when she died, at least it was over. I know that sounds awful, and I won't even be mad at the downvotes, but seriously, it was like finding some type of peace. I figure after a lot of extensive therapy, I will find it. I really hope OP doesn't let this person into her life.
What are you posting on reddit for? Delete the app and that's it. Duh.
I honestly was happy when she died, at least it was over. I know that sounds awful, and I won't even be mad at the downvotes, but seriously, it was like finding some type of peace. I figure after a lot of extensive therapy, I will find it. I really hope OP doesn't let this person into her life.
I honestly was happy when she died, at least it was over. I know that sounds awful, and I won't even be mad at the downvotes, but seriously, it was like finding some type of peace. I figure after a lot of extensive therapy, I will find it. I really hope OP doesn't let this person into her life.
I honestly was happy when she died, at least it was over. I know that sounds awful, and I won't even be mad at the downvotes, but seriously, it was like finding some type of peace. I figure after a lot of extensive therapy, I will find it. I really hope OP doesn't let this person into her life.
Are people only seeing this as a bad financial decision because we’re not married? We online in Australia where we have de facto laws. We may already be legally de facto.
Right? Fooling around with someone isn’t the same as dating them or being in a relationship. And the friends comments that she “turned her life around” — gross.
Next to sexual compatibility, financial compatibility is very important. You should take a hint right now.
Right? Fooling around with someone isn’t the same as dating them or being in a relationship. And the friends comments that she “turned her life around” — gross.
He is on his best behavior. Once you are groomed to his liking, things will probably change for the worse. You are way too young to give up your freedom and too impressionable to be in this relationship. Whatever he is selling… don't buy it.
None of this is any of your business So why don't you keep your judgmental nose out of it?
What is your long-term intention with her?
He doesn’t really talk about too much political stuff. He’s mentioned it before but we talked about it and came to the conclusion he was basically regurgitating his conservative upbringing and I thought we fixed it. That’s where the confusion is stemming from
Im a hot middle, not dem not rep. I went on a date with a hardcore rep and decided nope, if we dont agree on the most basic things its never gonna work.
Run girl
why wasn't that information included?
You NEED to say something. It's not okay what he is doing and yes it will cause drama but in the end you are ultimately helping her so she can dump this loser instead of thinking everything is okay. You really want him screwing over someone else to save you some grief? It will help the healing process trust me. You will see an ugly side to him that will destroy any ounce of love you still have for him. Trust me.
Tell her and just move on. He's not worth your kindness and love. She deserves better.
Oof. This sounds like it's HER problem. I just feel like you were being considerate in not waking her up; sleep is important. And you did mention she was very tired.
It's literally her own body image issues that are doing the damage here. But I am quite confused… why on earth did she mention poly? Is she poly?
Your fiancé needs to tell you why he got into a physical altercation with your best friend or you don’t get married. You don’t marry someone who is unwilling to communicate with you.
Buddies told me the same thing. I’m not going to contact her and find someone else
I mean if she plans to take the cat with her once she moves out then it really is her cat more then yours. I think you and her need to have a sit down. If she wants to keep the cat and you don’t then she is the one who needs to be responsible for it more so financially. Don’t feel bad its how you feel. She wants to keep the cat she can take care of the cat. Simple as that.
You didn’t mention anything about whether you’ve changed. Have you put on some weight? Or changed your appearance in some way?
People can’t help what they’re attracted to. You can only change yourself. That’s where I would start if you really wanna adjust her reaction to you.
For context, I work in a tech environment where being hyperfocused on a single problem while neglecting other things has typically been more helpful than harmful. Yes, it sometimes means the “other things” don't get done on time but with daily standups we can easily re-align and make sure I'm focused on the right thing. Project managers are a huge help.
Funnily enough, my manager is worse at this than I am. In 1:1 meetings if someone DMs him, he shuts down completely and doesn't hear anything else. I don't mind having to repeat myself because I get it ?
He is saying this to her to make her feel nobody will want her but him because of that, so he can do whaever he wants and cheat on her.
He moves or they divorce. Counseling won’t do shit
No I haven't because I feel so embarrassed to do that now. I feel so desperate doing that 🙁
You broke up specifically so you could screw another girl and use this lame ass argument. This isn't Friends. You weren't on a breakup, you paused the relationship for this. You are a liar, and a cheater. And not a very good one at either since both girls saw through it.
I hate to say it, but there's a simple and disappointing explanation for all this. The first baby was the first baby, new and exciting. And he had a few years of fatherhood under his belt on top of that. The second baby was, I'm sure, still a big deal to him, but not exciting and new.
Plus, frankly, newborn baby posts on FB are soooo old hat. They're a dime a dozen. It's kind of like your birthday when everyone wishes you a happy birthday and then within a week, nobody cares.
I'm guessing (purely guessing) that your bf doesn't care less, he's just a bit older and wiser about how little people on FB give a shit about the babies being born.
I could be wrong, but I know for a fact that what I just described does happen.
Pure will power has led you to the monumental achievement of one month sober and clean!!! Admiration and respect is all I have for you!! What you want to accomplish is admirable! But, it isn't within your power to make it happen. Husband is an addict and has become an abuser. An addict cannot be helped until he wants to be helped. An abuser ALWAYS ESCALATES. It's only a matter of time before his need to fight with you turns physical and then he will progress to abusing the children. You are a mother and for you there is only one overriding obligation. Protect and cherish your children. You can't do either if you are constantly abused by husband. Move back to your parents and start divorce proceedings immediately. There is nothing more that you can do to save your marriage or help your husband. Save yourself and your children.
Hey, I think masturbation is healthy and I never minded people (even my own partner–he used to) using p0rn to masturbate and I respect all that, but for her, it's probably shocking to see and she may not be too happy with the p0rn you're looking at although she's not being open outright with you.
You need to chill out a little bit, you're expecting her to cater to your feeling insecure (thinking that she's slipping away from you) for getting caught masturbating to p0rn immediately. Give her some time. She did say she needs some time to process herself. She probably was not expecting to catch you to masturbate to p0rn. Maybe she also thought that, rather than you waking her up requesting for loving, you'd rather masturbate watching 2 women so she felt like, she's “not good enough?”
It sounded to me that you barely got anything out of her over her shock/dismay of seeing you masturbate to p0rn…this kind of sucks, is she generally 'closed off 'emotionally? Is she that embarrassed to be honest with you?
Is it possible for you guys to see premarital counseling or some sort of relationship counseling as well?
Also, just because you think p0rn is not a big deal, it may not be so, with her. This may be the main source of contention. Find out b4 you guys get married.
You go to your friend’s and she goes to hers. It’s the only fair solution and likely the best for you.
Yeah that wasn’t an accident. I’m sorry that happened. I do agree with other commenters about being vocal if anything like that ever happens again, but hopefully it doesn’t. I understand it may be daunting to draw attention to behavior like this, but it is probably the best solution. I would talk to your bf again and see if you guys can come up with a way to avoid this in the future (even though it should not be your burden to bare), maybe avoiding the uncle altogether, avoiding parties that he is at, having your bf be around you if the uncle is at a family party, etc.
I'll lose my sanity if I'm in a relationship that is not monogamous. With that being the case, it seems like I have only one choice left.
If your wife isn’t completely fucking with you, you should get her mental help, this isn’t a normal thing grown adults do, this seems maniac in my opinion.
I'm confused. Is this all in her imagination? How does she talk to this fictional character? This sounds like a mental health issue.
Overreacting and projecting one’s faults onto others is usually not subtle, however.
I’m not reading this entire post because with the title I have enough. WHY, WHY?? Are you still there? Run to the store buy a bag of dignity because you need it.
The office is in a fragile state after ownership change (not my involvement), we’re drowning in new patients so we are busy busy busy, and I’m leaving for essentially a practice/office that is like competition.
Sounds like frozen. Hanz.
Next.
With all due respect, OP, someone who got involved with you to make money doing porn and only later “caught feels” is EXACTLY the type of person I think would do this.
That’s a good idea, thank you!
I just set the thermostat to 66 every night and pay the extra electricity bill because it’s the only way to survive my gf snuggling me to death with her ridiculous heat lol
Best thing you can do is go with what you feel is right. If you don’t want him there tell him that. If you decide you want a bond then invite him.
That definitely sounds like she cheated. If you want to know the answer, float the idea of doing the paternity test to your mum. Her reaction will likely tell you whether she thinks your dad might not be your bio-dad.
You should also talk to your dad. There are far too many men who abandon their children when they discover they're not biologically related, many of whom will treat their kids worse if they merely suspect they might not be biologically related. It would be a good idea to figure out what kind of relationship you will have going forwards.
I'd hold off on telling your sister though. She's likely already feeling stressed with her exams, she doesn't need to have this to worry about at the same time. It's bad enough that your mum dumped this on you already.
Aside from figuring out where you'll stand post-divorce, you don't need to get involved in anything going on between your parents. Let them sort it out.
Also, your English is fine. I wouldn't have known you're a non-native speaker if you hadn't said.
Sunk cost fallacy. It might help if you consider this a learning experience that'll help you going forward in future relationships. This way, you're not throwing everything away and didn't waste all that time since you're salvaging something to improve yourself from it.
not being cool with your family having a relationship with your ex is normal
Yes, we've come to our point of disagreement.
This is a toxic belief that we should all be fighting. A good proportion of marriages end in divorce. We should be promoting amicable divorces, because they're best for children and for the parties – it's not emotionally healthy to go through life carrying hostility and resentment.
If you have this notion, and don't try your utmost to fix it, you're contributing to a society where many kids grow up feeling torn between their parents. That's not OK with me.
You’re right, you probably won’t love anyone else the same. You’ll probably love them in a completely newfound way that exists outside of abuse. Ik it’s hot but you have to get out. Make a plan, take it step by step, and get out. I’ve been in abusive relationships before so I have some experience. DM me if you need help or someone to talk to.
I tried but I love him way too much.
That's not the problem. The problem is you don't love yourself enough.
Enough to know that deserve better.
Enough to know that you will find someone that suits you better
Enough to know that you will be fine on your own for a while
Enough to know that you're strong enough.
Enough to know that you deserve more from your relationship.
End it now before you lose not only your self respect but your mental health as well
Obviously he is cheating or almost flirting with girls online, he is keeping the cattle available. As soon as you just checked his Snapchat you don’t know if he has also another WhatsApp account, there are more apps you can double.
Agree with this too.
Yeah, you shouldn't fall to her level of immaturity, but I can understand your frustration here. If you gonna stay with your boyfriend, you need to stop trying to be BFF with his sister. Just do you and ignore her. The more she sees you angry, the more she will always be like this. If you don't give her the attention she needs, she will realize that you are better and won't have the energy for it.
And your boyfriend should be the one dealing with his sister. He allows her to insult you and he won't lift a finger for it. So he doesn't respect you as his own girlfriend.
I hope you are looking for something casual, because judging by appearances won't get you far in terms of relationship. This includes judging yourself for who you are not just how you look likr.
I honestly didn’t get into this relationship thinking that I wanted to online the older woman fantasy. I knew this could be down the road, but I don’t think anyone could put a date/timeline to settle down. Some older person also could have hesitation before settling down. Most of friends are getting married or having kids. I think nothing wrong with getting married with her, but also not sure what is dragging me down.