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  1. We usually see each other every weekend. Not for more than a day or so though. Recently life has been busy for both of us so it’s been a little more infrequent, probably more along the line of once every two weeks. I’ll probably spend a Friday and half day at her place and the same for mine.

    We had a separate convo about a week ago about her basically being on her phone a bunch when I’m w her. I didn’t come off accusatory or anything, but I guess what she gathered from it was I can’t be on my phone when I’m w u, which was not the case or what I was attempting to stress. I think i need to just talk to her about setting boundaries and what we want from what I gathered from most responses

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  2. I want to be ok about this, since he assures me it is strictly friendly for him. how can I get over it?

    I don't know that you necessarily SHOULD get over it. The situation as described is pretty shady, to be honest.

    She has been in love with your boyfriend for a long time, so much so that she couldn't stand being friends with him if there wasn't a romantic component.

    She's tried being platonic friends with him several times and each time has said she can't do it, she's still in love with him.

    You say it's different now because this time he's in a committed relationship with you, but you're not really a factor here because:

    She refuses to meet with you. Does that sound like someone who is over her love for your boyfriend? When I'm a platonic friend to someone it doesn't make me die inside to meet their partners. She's actively avoiding you because it's too painful for her, that is spelling out “STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM” in giant neon blinking letters over her head.

    Additionally not only are you not allowed to be present for their local interactions, now he's at her place. Living there, for several days. You do not currently exist for her either in an emotional OR a physical sense.

    I don't think the fact that he's in a committed relationship now has changed a damn thing on her end, because she hasn't let it change anything. She won't meet or see you. She won't come around if you're around. And now she's back at her home, with him there, and you not. This doesn't sound like a situation you should be forcing yourself to get over, this sounds like a situation that your boyfriend probably shouldn't have allowed to occur in the first place.

    And I want to be clear, I know 90% of relationship_advice is opposed to opposite sex friendships. I am not, at all. I am usually the first person in line to tell everyone else they're being paranoid or they need to trust their partner more, etc, etc. But even I think this situation is not good. I might feel differently if she had gotten to know you and acknowledged your existence in some fashion, but instead she has gone out of her way to act as though you don't exist and that was clearly because she still has feelings for your boyfriend, because she practically spelled that out. He's currently staying in her home several countries away from you, she's desperately in love with him, and he sounds like someone who doesn't have a lot of romantic experience. This has disaster written all over it, and I think you've been trying too hot to be the cool accommodating girlfriend. This situation is not cool.

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