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Room for live! sex video chat INDIAN_ANALQUEEN
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Birth Date: 2002-01-01
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Ethnicity: ethnicityIndian
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Date: April 23, 2023
I think this can be sorted out with some healthy communication and more understanding. I think honesty is almost always a good thing, even if it might hurt if you expected the truth to be different. Perhaps this could even bring you two closer together in the end.
When you say your heart broke, what exactly do you mean by that? If you look deeply, what did you feel?
Depression doesn't excuse you being a total piece of shit of a human being. You could have fucked literally anyone but your friend's wife. The fact that you didn't feel bad until you started hanging out with him again makes you a massive piece of shit.
Would she not be able to work as a nurse in your country? Has she expressed a wish to be a sahm?
Very much so
Hahaha but aren’t we all hiding something if not many things, when we close the bathroom door?
(Point taken though)
“lads holiday' on its own would be a red flag to me.
There are lots of great and normal reasons why men & women to travel without their partners ( I hate to fly. so encourage as many as i can)… hobby or sports trips including boring golf.
A meetup for old school/college or work friends, some of whom may now online out of town. Or longstanding fishing/hunting backwoods event that might not appeal to partners.
Or maybe a group of old friends where only one or two have partners so its weird to invite just one or two women is also understandable and i'm sure there are other valid excuses ..
BUT…..
A beach holiday in Spain with all local friends ( if thats what it is) all of whom have partners they didn't want to invite seems to have no purpose other than to do stuff partners wouldn't approve of. They are all cheaters probably.
Get your ducks in a row. Consult a lawyer and don't drop the bomb till you are ready.
I agree with your statement about crushes being harmless….as long as you don’t act on them. However, it does appear your wife let it get the best of her and cloud her judgement.
While she didn’t cross the line romantically, she did cross the line of what’s appropriate with your child’s caretaker who is a minor. I think your wife has some issues, and honestly while I get crushes happening in a marriage, I personally would be more concerned that she developed a crush on someone so young and obviously in HS (whether 17 or 18), pursued a relationship with her outside of daycare to obtain personal info, and despite your attempts to try to talk to her about it in a non-judgemental way…..she continued to hide it. Then she discussed it with a coworker instead of you.
Whether this is forgivable is up to you. But I do think your wife needs some help. This was high risk behavior by her, and even if YOU don’t think she’s a predator, her behavior could be seen as such by this girl or her parents might.
Best of luck to you with this situation.
Asphyxiation increases the likelihood of future homicide by some insanely high % that seems fake the number is so big. Like 400% or something. He could have caused lasting damage. I hope this never happens again, but if it does – you NEED to go to the ER. There are a lot of important parts in your neck that can be damaged and the effects don't always show up right away. Your health and your life are more valuable than anything else. Please be safe.
Also, never go to couple's counseling with an abuser. They often use the sessions to gain insight as how to better dominate you when you guys get home.
Your wife absolutely is a creepy predatory stalker. She was attempting to groom your child’s underage baby sitter. You don’t sound any better yourself by claiming the girl looks older than 17 as it if justifies your wife’s horrific behavior. Way to blame the victim. How would you feel if a teacher started grooming your child because the teacher felt your child was mature of her age or didn’t really look 15? See how gross that sounds. Do better.
Buuuuuuut it was 2 years ago and she's in a relationship WITH YOU. Not dick appointment guy. You're the red flag bro.
thank god someone is normal.
I love how your reaction to being in the minority opinion in this post is being like “What? I'm the normal one, you guys are the ones that aren't normal”. Classic deflection from insecurity.
If you want to talk about being normal, this whole situation OP is on isn't normal. This dad is not normal for moving on so quickly, trying to erase the physical memories of his wife and OP's mother and trying to force OP to call his new wife “mom”.
This idea that he should cut him and his children out of his life for being ignorant sounds incredibly unhealthy
His actions are way beyong just being ignorant.
and last I checked raising children is no walk in the park, you're going to need all the help you can get.
Sure, but if they're causing more distress than being helpful, then it's not actually helping. Also, OP doesn't mention anything about not having a support group.
The therapist probably realizes this and is trying to help him build a healthy relationship with some of the only support he will ever have.
Bad therapists exist, if you just follow a therapists advice without any skepticism, you could end up worse off than you started. And again, why is his father, who tried to erase his mother from memory, the only support he'll ever have?
it seems like if someone even talks to you in the wrong tone, their only advice is to cut them out of your life entirely.
And this is a straw man fallacy, and a very disrespectiful one at that. OP lost his mom at 14 years old and his dad tried to substitute her with another woman, even so far as erasing any evidence of OP's mom's existance. This goes so far beyond of just “using the wrong tone” that it really baffles me how you're even capable of arguing that and not realize how out of touch you have to be.
If you think this story is just a case of reddit being full of reactionary people, show this to someone you know IRL and ask their opinion before you tell them what your own opinion is.
He's clearly showing signs of abuse. He has issues and he needs professional help. His response was utterly unwarranted. He's ten years older than you but acts like a child. You need to leave him.
Holy! That's a story.
I'm sorry for your loss when you were 14, and congratulations to your little one. I wish you good health for your little boy/girl.
I surely don't need to say another word because anyone else has written it already.
But what I need is to know how the story continues. I really hope you get some restrictions orders (or however they're called in the US), so you and your family are save.
RemindMe! 1 week
And
RemindMe! 1 month
My husband is fine with it. We can look at each other’s phones. But I don’t want to look at anything. He is not great with technology, so I do the updates and such.
At the very least, don’t let him see your phone.
You don't want to lose this? Exactly what is this..a lying cheating AH. You did not have in the first place. And you don't want to online like this.
Take the rest of your dignity and self respect and move on. There's nothing but regrets, tears and pain here. It's going to be very hot but you know what's going to be harder? Looking back and wishing that you'd moved on when you first found this out and not wasting any more time on something that is beyond repair. You owe it to yourself. And you owe it to the woman you will become and to the child you were and the person you are now.
You owe it to yourself, to choose yourself. No one is coming to save you but getting attached to what's hurting you will tear you down bit by bit until you're no more.
So all the hardships you went through, all of your efforts all the joy and sorrow you had as a little child to now, make it count. Make it count and please.. please move on, let yourself grieve and move on to better yourself. And to heal.
Why are you with this asshole? You need some therapy to determine why you are putting up with someone treating you like this
You're delusional.
She ran away before?
He told you because he wants you to do his dirty work for him.
Your wife tried to groom a child. You should be reporting her to the police – not trying to move passed this.
Just break up.
Seems some ppl just dont know what they want & are confused.
Good point! It seems like he’s totally fine with me posting. He just doesn’t do it the other way around.
I don’t know. I moved all the way here for her. There’s one half of me that things she’s a good person but deeply hurt deep down and another part that is manipulating me. I don’t know what to believe.
Thank you everyone for your answers. I do recognize toxicity when i see it. But you know heart makes us blind. I wanted him to be the one. It sounds like short relationship but i put all my efforts/hopes on it. It was sincere, serious and went through a lot. Thank you again. Breaking up was the right hardest decision. He respected it and we agreed on not being what we searching for. Its the after shock devastation.
Just ask him out
Red flags all the way down. You don't trust each other. That's not a stable foundation. Doesn't mean you can't start but it sounds like neither of you (possibly especially her? Given that she appears to have breached trust first) are ready. Going into the hidden folder is understandable given that she'd already violated your trust and used your diary against you. It's not a great situation to be in. Sorry OP. I haven't read replies, but I'm wondering if you could give an example of an action that could be “misconstrued”?
Ask him how many years he has been a woman and does he have references.
Are you married? I pretty much always know where my spouse is. That's just marriage. It's weird not to.
It's fine not to want that, but then don't get married.
You still did not answer what he does with his money. He isn't spending it on you. Does he have a drug dependancy?
Wasting 5/6 hours every week is exhausting. Theres so much one can handle boredom before is starts getting insane
Block her and make your accounts private.
Can you give examples of how you've hurt him?
U need to be single and sort yourself out. You've hurt this boy plenty. Dont be selfish and try to keep him on a hook because u feel guilty. U didnt consider him at all when u messed up.
Take time and get yourself together while being single. U shldnt be in a relationship if u can't be faithful.
Leave him alone.
I’m not talking about those cases, I mean new girls and or acquaintances. Old friends of course it’s fine
It really is downright ridiculous and sad.
This girl probably won't find anyone to hang out with if she keeps basing rules for men dependent upon her families history of drug addiction and controls other people w said rules.
Right? Not to be a jerk but I feel like it’s a very clear answer to call her right now.
Thank you! He was in an 18 year relationship prior to meeting me. I will never denigrate other women but I have concerns from both sides lol
Last chance to shop around before rates lock in OP?
Cant you just not get bottle service?
He’s the one that’s immature if he wants to date women 20 years younger than him. I would let him go and concentrate on healing and being the best version of you that you can be.
THIS!!!! Also OP, will there be any awkwardness about affection between you and your partner? For example, his brother may not be in a romantic relationship. He may not get that kind of physical love… will your partner start to feel guilty about this? As in, he might feel badly displaying affection and romance / sex in the apartment because his brother doesn’t have that opportunity? Of course I think the wheelchair bound man would want you two to be happy and enjoy life…. Butttt its possible to feel so much empathy and guilt for living full lives that we self-sabotage, avoid, or shrink our own joys in order to not feel badly about it being unfair to our siblings (I speak from experience)
It’s very unlikely you’ll be able to hire support workers in short notice — half the time my grandparents’ workers call in sick and there are no replacements for full days to multiple days. Short staffing for the massive societal demand is a huge issue. It’s very expensive to pay privately. You have to trust them and hope his brother feels comfortable and is treated well. This means no spontaneous trips, and likely having to cancel trips if workers become sick. It is very expensive for care. Who pays this?
What happens if the brother gets sick? Puking/diarrhea etc. It can be taxing to change bedding and/or bags / diapers in the best of times. This extra work will fall on you because your boyfriend can’t possible do it all solo. If your partner is out and you’re the only one home… are you happy to be a caretaker? You’ll need wheelchair accessible bathrooms and kitchens. Vehicle.
This could potentially become permanent. Is it sustainable having a baby to care for at the same time?
It sounds like you’re in for a very long and difficult road.
I mean.. there's nothing about your relationship that isn't about the age gap..
If you had a friend that came to you complaining that their bf that was twice their age, was treating them like garbage and calling them immature, you'd probably be like “hey your creepy old boyfriend is abusive and toxic”
If that wouldn't be your first thought than it definitely should be.
If I'm that stressed over my SO having a party that I'm technically not invited to, I'd be rethinking the relationship.
I don't really see the trust there.
Yep you’re probably right.
Desperation yeah but just because I had some bad experiences with women in the past does not mean that I am misogynistic.
It’s probably because deep down you don’t want to be with him anymore
You should be focusing on healing not placating some guy.
Yeah, I think it’s just you
They were watching tv. And they fell asleep.
The majority of the time you have left after work, is spent with a partner. You’re fixing yourself a perfect recipe for depression at 22 when you should be enjoying your prime years.
Since she kept the info, after your finding it, and continued to use it against you – welcome to the rest of your life (or at least as long as you stay with her). If you are not enjoying this, then it is time to move on. Note that she is 32, not 16. It isn't impulse behavior. It is (in all probability) ingrained insecure behavior (or, at worst, sadistic behavior- is she getting off on abusing you?). Good luck OP.
Sunday dinner EVERY week for 5-6 hours – nope, I’m out. That alone is excessive, the other stuff on top is ridiculous. I’m super close with my family but you can’t ask something like this from a partner/spouse and if you give your partner an out and attend all 3 alone, the relationship will still suffer. I think it’s a bad match and honestly I don’t know who this girl will match with. Her family also not seeing that this is a huge stress on any relationship is a problem in itself.
He proposed to me in front of our family and friends with a ring. I didn't pressure him. I told him that I saw a future with him. We were on the same page. He proposed marriage. I was all in so I said yes. Two years later we're still not married.
Break up with him? You've passed the honeymoon phase to seeing who he really is. Clearly, he isn't someone who is compatible with you. Why would you bang your head on a brick wall over this?
It really should bother both of you.
Yeah. Again you are being purposely obtuse. This is not a situation of her telling him, “it's just not going to happen for me tonight honey”, it's him literally demonstrating to her, “I got off and now I'm climbing off of you and going to sleep, regardless of the fact that you are still excited and didn't get to be satisfied too.”
dude it was like 4am in the morning where i wrote this. Some sentences doesn‘t even make sense but youre right. (I meant that she and her ex were together for nearly 5 years and she broke up like 1 and a half years ago)
Dumb too
you need to stop prioritizing him and start prioritizing the kids because he doesn't deserve anymore chances or protection.
“I think we’re a good fit despite our age difference”.
I mean that’s just not true is it… This guy is nearly 50, even if he wants kids again (which I doubt) he is going to be dead by the time they hit 25. That’s not really fair in my opinion to knowingly do that to your kids. 25 is still really young, you’re barely doing “adult” things by that age.
Then let’s not even mention him dragging his feet about getting married. He’s leading you along as he’s proposed and then made no progress to actually do anything beyond that. I don’t see how you can say you’re a good fit…
These comments are certainly ruthless. Ignore them like you should ignore her. Block her and the guy and just focus on your own healing, hangout with friends, go out and party, hit the gym, focus on your work/school and heck even casually date if that makes you feel better. No matter what you do though, never take her back if she ever comes crawling back.
Just focus on yourself and your own happiness while you cutout the trash. Best “revenge” is happiness
“Interesting, the boyfriend's sister is married to a white man and the dad won't speak to her but he's okay with our relationship.”
Probably sexism. In some cultures the boys are raised to have more agency than girls. Which is why your bf is ok choosing a white girl but his sister isnt.
So leave. Stop sticking around to be disrespected more.
Hey man you deserve a relationship with someone that will be as crazy about u too. Not this guy. His loss.
Don't even give it another thought love. ?
Even the affluent areas are a nude sell. My friend in Chicago lives in a nice/wealthy area near the university.
Leave. You were happier. The kids were doing well because their mom was happier. He begged you to come back and the only thing he changed was how often he lied to you? Girl run
Burying the lede here haha.
OP you describe no behaviour that you should be jealous of! You have a friend your boyfriend likes, and he made a dumb joke.
You can't trust your brain. BPD will mess you up in these situations. Its okay to say “im messed up about this” and discuss it.
END IT
Thank you for your response. I'll see if she's open to it.
Ur just too clingy , being next to your person all the time will affect the relationship badly . There will no more be that tension between you two if you hang out all the time , and the relationship will be depolarized. If you have quality time when you meet up , then this relationship is exactly what you need
This. They expected you to become a pornstar overnight after the wedding.
lol thanks for this. And I am open to being monagamous forever if that's what my bf wants. And it's not a big deal for me to be mono right now. My bf met me when I was dating a married couple, met them a couple of times, and was really nice and open minded with them. It was really cool and based on that interaction we decided it could work. And my bf wants to learn more about being poly. I would never force him to be poly. I just want a couple's therapist to help us navigate it IF we decide to go that route because it's just too much emotional labour on my part.
My bf is also trans and we identify as queer. My friend is a straight cisgendered man and I have no desire to spend the rest of my life with someone who isn't queer. I find my friend attractive but I also don't think that's a big deal.
In the beginning I did wanted to kids. But in the last 3 months my thoughts and opinions on kids had changed and I feel like I will not be a good father due to my mental health and I tend to have episodes. Thank you for your feedback.
Am I overthinking this, or Is it normal for me to feel this way? I don’t wanna discuss this with her if its just me overthinking about all this.
Counseling. Try to save what you have
Do people not read stories of threesomes on this app? I swear to God…
If that was me, I would have left her in a heartbeat.
If his crying makes you change your mind then this is on you tbh. You need to see through his bullshit and hold firm. There’s literally no reason to let him bully and manipulate you into a situation you no longer want to be in
I’m condescending because it’s a mistake mostly made by English speakers, so I don’t really believe that English isn’t their first language I think it’s just to hand wave the grammatical errors.
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She ended up texting her that I’m writing my exam soon and would like some time to study. I think my parents didn’t think anything of it until I said WAIT A MINUTE
Thank you for your advice
Girl RUN. This man is going to ruin your life.
Why the hell would you come and ask for advise when you’re just going to defend his actions. Depression is not an excuse for him to say the things he did. If you continue to act dumb and ignorant you’re going to end up hurt and god forbid so will your daughter.
”Just looking for sympathy, attention and someone to be solely on their side”
… DEAR GOD YES. I think this actually is a huge part of the reason why I’m getting so annoyed about this now, is that I can kinda sense that this is what’s going on. I feel like she’s using me for the sympathy quotient and I hate that. Like yeah, it’s a genuinely terrible situation and I do actually want to help … but I’m not a toy or a tool she can use to make herself feel better whenever she wants to.
I think I’m gonna back away from this “friendship”. I’ve been in her situation twice and even tho it’s legitimately a truly horrific situation, I still cannot IMAGINE having the level of self-absorption you’d have to have to do what she’s doing.
Thanks for saying this. I really appreciate it.
i didn’t know if to give it to your or not lol
This stood out to me. People are arguing over whether or not giving someone a flower is a romantic gesture. They are missing the fact that that the friend clearly thought it could be interpreted that way, and did it anyway. It's possible it was at worst casual flirting and she would never go any farther. The problem is she is knowingly skirting a line, and your boyfriend isn't comfortable with it.
The question is, do you want a boundary in your relationship where you and your partner are both OK with casual flirting with friends who are potential romantic partners. Yes is a perfectly fine answer, but your bf clearly doesn't want that, and he's not wrong for that either.
Please drop this controlling AH!
My suggestion is to set a date and time to talk about it, not related to a particular purchase. Talk about setting a realistic budget for both of you, identifying four categories: what has to be paid every month (rent, food, utilities, student loans, insurance, gas, etc.); what is the reasonable amount you both agree can be spent on joint entertainment; what should go into savings; and what you each can spend with no commentary from the other. Agree to keep track of this for at least the next 6 months so that both of you can see the benefit of watching savings grow and thinking twice about “frivolous” spending. If she wants to spend her extra money on decorations, you have to not say anything unless she breaks the budget. Same with you. Most people have no clue what they really spend in a month, and they never watch the growth of savings.
???RUN RUN RUN!
Also, the people saying he should have talked to his wife. Like obviously he would have tried that but reasoning with someone in the thick of delusions is impossible. A lot of the time they don’t believe anything is wrong with them and reject any attempt at getting them help.
Also, the people saying he should have talked to his wife. Like obviously he would have tried that but reasoning with someone in the thick of delusions is impossible. A lot of the time they don’t believe anything is wrong with them and reject any attempt at getting them help.
You could try not trolling this subreddit.
Funny it's women who are overly emotional but yet you wrote that your BF gets extremely angry when situations like that happen… Hmm. Has he not seen or heard about people getting shot for less? Road rage is real and people are killed, but your the overly emotional one…. With friends like that, I don't see why he even wants a girlfriend.
Is there another reason you want to delay your wedding? It seems like you are taking this excuse and running with it.
Just because this abuse isn’t exactly the same as what you saw doesn’t make it not abuse. Emotional abuse is abuse. Hitting other things is abuse. He’s escalating, he’s distancing you from friends and family, he’s following the classic abuse pattern and all you can say is that he’s never hit you.
Good luck girl. Hope you don’t die.
I know this was a long time ago, in 1995, but my wife and I attended a friends wedding with our week old son tucked in a bassinet under the table.
Worked out fine for us. I went the extra miles to make sure my wife did not have to do anything more strenuous than walk around. Since she did all the work of having the kid!
I know not every pregnancy/birth would accommodate that and if my wife had not wanted to do it we wouldn't have done it and sent our best to the bride and groom.
As others are saying, this is your day and while its reasonable to make a best effort, you will never be able to accommodate everybody.
The two kids (or at least one of them), home and whole life were presumably there when you left before. Under the circumstances, asking her to not hang out at the place she previously enacted her doomed romance, when the person she enacted it with us still there, is very reasonable. She knows this, any reasonable person would. But she's deflecting by playing the “I won't be controlled” card to make you think you are being unfair and unreasonable. If she cares about your relationship she would not be doing this, especially knowing that it makes you so uncomfortable. Do the maths. It's not over.
Yes probably worried that his good looks aren't good enough to keep you. If the competition for you is seemingly every guy if you liked ugly guys in the past.
I have sort of the same thing with my girlfriend. She was a model and extremely attractive yet says I'm the most attractive guy she has been with. It doesn't make sense to me since I don't think I'm that attractive at all. Also If her exes were all gorgeous models it would be better for me as then I would feel a bit of validation that I must surely be attractive if she went for those people in the past
I feel the same every time someone uses the work “ick” unironically
Please tell him to cut the shit.
“The way he is” is unacceptable.
Yes
His mom's a drama queen, and now he's becoming a drama queen just like her. Exhausting.
As someone who was cheated on by a wife…sorry dude but your marriage is already over. As someone else said, your wife and her “friend” are saying while you pay the bills. She’s lying to you, your friend is also lying to you, she’s blaming you for her unhappiness (exact same thing happened to me…wife sat on her ass at home all day while I worked to support us.) You’re workmen nude trying to make her happy but she’s already checked out. Best advice I can give you is, hire an attorney. Warning: it’s going to hurt. You have a kid with this person and she doesn’t work…it’s gonna suck dude. Sorry but this crap happens to most men eventually.
Who is your future, who is your past.
Then choose between them
I have to agree; he seems guilty and sus af. No one lies about simple small things like that, there'd be no point unless their partner was abusive (which I dont get the sense that you are).
I'm betting he has a crush on her and didnt want you catching on
Dude literally wants to be a 23yo. This man is not ready for marriage. Shouldn't he be in college somewhere or some frat party?
God i can't imagine dating someone that much younger than me much less marrying them.
OP I'm sorry but he isn't faithful because he's a young man that isn't ready for tht type of commitment. My oldest nephew is 23 if he told me he wanted to get married to someone your age id laugh at him because the kid still brings laundry home from campus.
You guys are in different stages of your lives. You want to settle down marriage and kids.
At 23 my only objective was partying, working so i had money for school.. and spending time with my friends.
Like most 23yolds as MATURE as you think they are please don't use that whole excuse it's very played out when older people dating younger ones use it.
If this is real, then that is probably it. The guilt got to the guy and he can't take it anymore.
It hurts to hear it from your spouse, but it stabs you to hear it from someone else.
I know what the route of logic is here, that wasn't my question. Why should I put “consequences” in place, which just reads like some weird kind of punishment, for something he literally cannot stop himself from doing? That doesn't make sense to me at all.
He makes allowances for some of the things I can't help, i.e nerve spasms that mean I can accidentally kick him in bed. It's only fair I do the same, but I think you're definitely right about the boundaries. Though, I'm considering framing it differently.
I'm considering framing it with something like “New rule: No plan making, no promise making, no teasing, nothing along those lines, unless you KNOW you're going to be awake, OR know you're going to be capable of getting up. If you keep trying I'm just going to stop trying.”
Then this should be your dealbreaker: she stops drinking completely, or you're out.
This is a huge problem just waiting to happen. Big honking NO here!! Just NO.
We’ve talked about the lack of sex and she says that “if you want me to have more free time I can quit my job.”
I hope that wasn't a direct answer to that question. It sounds more like an answer to something you followed up with.
It's okay to feel like your needs aren't being met, first of all.
We men are sometimes looked down on as “needy” or a “burden” if we say there isn't enough sex, but yeah, sex between romantic partners is a legitimate need.
It might be that you need to take a step back — focus more on a lack of romance than a straight lack of sex.
Maybe start scheduling some date nights ahead of time, you know? Nights where she knows she's coming home, but then going back out. Nights where you can act like a couple.
It's easy on any one night to say “not tonight, too tired” — and over time it's like wow, 3 weeks went by already. But if you schedule date nights ahead of time, it's much easier to commit to those.
Your fiancee is talking like my wife does… except we have two 5-year old kids we come home to every single night. So this situation's not going to get any easier for you guys over time.
Preferably someone with a degree in psychology or an M.D with a psychiatrist certification. Don't get therapy from someone that doesn't have a degree or a diploma. I'm saying this, since in the US, you can call yourself a therapist without having the certifications etc.
Since it's not a couple's thing, couple therapy isn't what you're looking for – yet. So I'd perhaps get someone who's more generalized or perhaps childhood therapy.
I think this is the way to go honestly
Shes not married I’m her bf.
Damn! I like my husband with meat on his bones.. but I would never leave him if he lost weight. He’s actively trying to lose weight right now, and I’m being supportive about this travesty.