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My husband and I love each other. He goes out of his way to take care of me and we have a great relationship. However, am seeing this pattern where his personality changes in front of MY friends. He becomes mean to me and starts making jokes at my expense or disagrees with whatever I am saying at the table, and it very disrespectful in general. For example, I picked a place for friend group to go and we all agreed to meet up in our place and go together. When we were ready to leave, my husband (in front of everyone) says he is not going to step foot into that place and we should go elsewhere. Next, in the middle of dinner I was giving my opinion on something and he goes ‘shut up’ and shares his opinion because it is the ‘correct’ one. I immediately snapped back and said ‘don’t tell me to shut up’. Its now at a point where am mostly silent in front of my friends because I don’t want to be embarrassed further. I spoke to him that night when we returned home and he understood and said sorry. But am sure it will repeat again as he has done this in front of my family too
It’s very strange that he does not act this way in front of his friends or family or when we are by ourselves. Why is he different around my friends and family? Am trying to understand his behavior/personality. How can I make this situation better?
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One way that we have been talking about is having her last name be the kids middle name. Not sure if that’ll happen but it was just an idea.
I think I wanted our kids to have my last name because that’s what I’m familiar with as everyone I know all have the same last name as their father. So it just something I imagined for myself!
So much disrespect and humiliation towards you I can’t imagine she have the audacity she talk about you,her own husband/the father of her children like that! It show her true color but please don’t let her hit your confidence because rather talking y tu o you and expressing what was going on she choose to badmouth you to her friends . She wasn’t honest with you so she is the only to blame
Thank you everyone for the advice. I do agree therapy is necessary for him to sort through these issues. We’ve talked about it before, but for the sake of my mental health as well, I’m going to keep pushing for it.
This is textbook abuser behavior. Please please get out for your own safety before you end up in a body bag
You may feel that way personally, but for adults that is an unusually long time to get to a fairly mild form of physical affection
No I blamed both. I confronted both.
What kind of question is this? Still go. Don't acknowledge her. Bring someone else.
Yeah that’s probably the best thing to do, just be honest. Thank you for the reply! I think I may have been overcomplicating, and this puts things in a much simpler light.
Break up tf
Yeah. You messed up. Big time. Instead of inviting her over, as soon as she messaged you you should have gone to your fiance and asked to know what happened between them. Something like “Hey, I know you cut your mother off, and I will support your decision, but she reached out to me today asking to connect with you. I would really like to know the history between you and why you chose to cut her off if I'm going to be doing that as well. If you don't want to tell me I'll still support your decision, but as your future wife it would be easier to justify cutting her out of my life too if I knew the details. If you would like a chance to talk with her, I can help mediate if that would make you more comfortable”
But, what's done is done. If you want to repair this I would start with a sweet gesture (buy some gifts, plan a relaxing evening, etc…) and then apologize for your blunder. Make sure he knows that you feel terrible about betraying his trust. That you stand behind his decision to cut his mother out of his life and that you will have no communication with her, even if she continues to reach out. That from now on you will not be swayed by other's versions of events and that his truth is the only truth that matters to you anymore. Explain that you can clearly see that her actions during his childhood clearly had a profound effect on him and that you will never seek to invalidate or undermine that again…he is valid for not wanting his mother in his life, even if he hasn't explained those circumstances to you. Suggest going to a relationship counselor before you tie the knot so you can find a way forward together.
Yikes. RUN lol
What do you think it indicates about him..? I mean there wasn't much we could do after getting on the train.
I cannot fathom why she feels the need to hear about his childhood from someone else. Why does that even matter??
There is a lot going on here, but at the end of the day she is gonna get nailed by the boss.
When a guy starts taking test boosters at 41, it’s because he thinks he might need them.
Men are now being bombarded with messages that the natural decline of testosterone is bad and men need to have the hormonal profile of a 20 year old into their fifties and sixties.
I wonder if he feels something is missing / lacking in his life that he think hormonal intervention might fix.
You’ve mentioned he watches podcasts on YouTube. He may have seen someone like Andrew Huberman talk about Tongkat Ali or Fadogia Agrestis – they’re botanical extracts that indirectly raise test levels.
It’s possible that a supplement like the ones I’ve mentioned might have changed his behaviour but it’s not that likely. It’s probably a deeper issue that you need to discuss with him.
When a relationship is going as long as yours has, it’s important to focus on communication and take the time to understand what’s going on in each other’s lives.
Perhaps he’s uncertain around his impending fatherhood. He might be alienating you or being critical as a way to detach emotionally or hide out and avoid discussing how he’s feeling.
Maybe it’s just the feeling of getting old. Or stress at work. Or it could be something else completely different.
Best thing to do is sit him down and mentioned you’ve noticed he’s been different lately and ask him if he’s OK and maybe let him know what it’s been like for you.
Talking is always a good idea.
Just be straight forward to the point
Yeah move along he's trash
There are couples therapists out there that work on sexual problems including changed attractions. Might be worth seeking one out and get trying to get that sexual attraction back
Man I would not invite her. You know she’d bring him. She made the decision to date him and hurt you. You don’t need to have him at your wedding. It’s your day. He won’t be there to support you.
What she did was awful. That was her choice. HERS!! So consequences. If she feels bad for what she did she will ask for your forgiveness and come alone. If she doesn’t do that then she’s just as selfish as your ex and they DESERVE each other. It’s not on YOU to fix this. It’s on her!