2 of my brothers have dirty blonde hair. 2 other brothers have black. I have brown and my sister has brown. Most of us are just about 5'10″ and my youngest brother is pushing 6'2. You would not think any of us are related looking at us
Your connection is new. You can either accept or dispose.
This is what my thought process would be if I was in your position.
Well, I can't change her choices. I cannot expect her to stop seeing someone for the sake of my company. Me, knowing myself and insecurities, would be aware of this being a risky situation to be in. Still hangs around people she's slept with and tried to date? What roles have these other friends played in her life? Those thoughts would get the better of me and restrict my side of the development. I would also know, hey… I met others before you, I will meet others after you… I am capable of finding someone where none of this will be a factor.
And this is coming from someone who has a GF with close male friends. If I am insecure, I am insecure for a dam good reason. I rather not combat it, rather just find someone who makes it easier on my side.
Texts can be a contract, but only if it is freely and voluntarily established. Him sending you all those threats is a big issue. Do you think he needs the money or is this his attempt to maintain contact with you?
I would have a sit down with him and tell him that you are very concerned with his extreme and reckless behavior. Be honest that this has damaged your ability to trust him to have your back and to do what's best for both of you and that it scares you how quickly and easily he threw your wellbeing to the wind for some petty self-satisfaction. Ask him how he intends to solve this, particular the financial aspect of it and that you are very stressed about that side of things. Then, I would probably insist on counselling for him because this behavior was so over-the-top and reckless to not just his career, but his marriage and your stability that it is bordering on unforgivable. He needs to know this is a profoundly major fuck-up and he needs to start fervently job hunting now and not stop until he has one. He needs to eat, sleep and breathe job hunting and therapy.
Mainly the same ones his son exhibits as well as struggles with executive function and a propensity for technical based interests in work and hobbies. But I am not an expert. Just noticing similarities
I would advise therapy. You think/feel/know that she is a good partner and loyal. The problem is what happened at the beginning of the relationship. Now these are my thoughts and correct me if i am wrong. But do you somehow feel that you had to put your foot down, had to put up some sort of “ultimatum” in order for her to “realise” that what she was doing was “wrong”. That you feel that you had to stop it and would have hoped that she would have stopped it on her own account. That somehow you are not sure that this something she wanted. That you are not sure if she puts up bounderies to block him off next time. That you feel that you took something away that she wanted to keep. Because that could be solved with therapy, communication and trust.
Long story short now my dad is telling me that if I don't immediately break up with my boyfriend that he will disown me and cut all financial support to me and my education.
I honestly don't know what to do, and I'm very emotionally overwhelmed.
How kind.
How many years of study do you have left? How much money would this be?
What do you want to do in the future? Do you want a career, a job, or to be a SAHM? Are you also religious? Or are you agnostic or atheist?
How do you feel about the way your father treats people? We're you always planning to rebel and now is just bad timing, or is this all a complete shock?
If you cust yourself off from your father, and then broke up with your boyfriend, would you still consider your independence to be worth it?
If alt right ideas aren't a deal breaker for him to support someone then he supports alright ideas. I've dropped friendships of over a decade over way less dramatic political differences.
At the end of the day the things you believe are you.
That's your answer. Let her know you aren't interested in the idea. If she wants to date him as well, you'll have to leave, as you can't do poly. Don't make it an ultimatum, somehow. But yeah, it's definitely whack in all levels. Wouldn't be surprised if she's been seeing him on the side before anyway.
But, if you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. Either move on from her, or deal with it. If she's interested in dating more than one person now, and you're not into that idea, then she's likely going to continue being into that idea while you aren't, so it's just not meant to be. Time to move on, and avoid heartbreak and stress
My ex never came out and just told me until long after. I trusted my ex when she said she was going out with friends or her sister. She used that trust against me. It was one of her friends that actually broke it to me about what she had been doing before we separated, and even that was not right away. Sad thing is within 2 or 3 months after the split she was pregnant with some other guys kid. Her friend informed me that she had been cheating on me before and during our marriage. We were together for 6 years. 4 of which we were married. So it was pretty much the whole time.
We had a child together that was 4 at the time of the split.
I'm really glad I could help (: I saw your edit, and yeah if this is only something you all have known about for a year now and he has the habit built up from 5 years of just getting up and going after sex, then it's not realistic to say he doesn't care. He just doesn't know how much it actually bothers you or have it on his attention enough to actively work on it. Direct communication doesn't leave room for him to not know, and of course if you communicate it over and over again and you see no change, that says more than a few off handed attempts not creating a change. If he's otherwise a wonderful partner and you express explicitly how icky it makes you feel but you know he's just not used to this change (validating that he isn't doing this intentionally or with lack of intention, but just doesn't know), he'll most likely feel awful about that and appreciate you working with him so you can both feel fulfilled after sex.
this guy trickle-truthed the hell out of you to start and sadly he doesn't really seem to even know himself what he wants. My advice is to stay away from someone who can lie so easily to ya like that.
If he is that dead set on sex with others, to where he will be emotionally abusive when you say no, and you are dead set on monogamy, this is not a viable relationship.
Any man who respects his woman will have NO other woman spending the night. Time for you to realize your own worth and realize there are real men out there who want to be in real relationships. What you have is not a real relationship. Respect yourself some more please.
You get child support from him . Hopefully he will want to see his son..if not do like a lot of moms do fight for child support and college plan.
When sons old enough and asks….cross that bridge at that time
You might meet someone fall in love get married and he adopts son..or his dad might want to see him..
You should love yourself more. You can never get time back. Life is so terribly short and you shouldn't stay in a bad relationship
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2 of my brothers have dirty blonde hair. 2 other brothers have black. I have brown and my sister has brown. Most of us are just about 5'10″ and my youngest brother is pushing 6'2. You would not think any of us are related looking at us
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Does she have a pain killer addiction? She certainly has all the classic signs. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Thanks for your input.
you're an ass
It's not ideal, right?
Your connection is new. You can either accept or dispose.
This is what my thought process would be if I was in your position.
Well, I can't change her choices. I cannot expect her to stop seeing someone for the sake of my company. Me, knowing myself and insecurities, would be aware of this being a risky situation to be in. Still hangs around people she's slept with and tried to date? What roles have these other friends played in her life? Those thoughts would get the better of me and restrict my side of the development. I would also know, hey… I met others before you, I will meet others after you… I am capable of finding someone where none of this will be a factor.
And this is coming from someone who has a GF with close male friends. If I am insecure, I am insecure for a dam good reason. I rather not combat it, rather just find someone who makes it easier on my side.
Scary behavior. It won’t improve as time goes on.
oh how bad it is to be single mom in my 40's when I can actually afford being single mom smh
yeah, sexual abuse
absolutely the fuck not to whatever this is. your dad needs psychiatric help.
Texts can be a contract, but only if it is freely and voluntarily established. Him sending you all those threats is a big issue. Do you think he needs the money or is this his attempt to maintain contact with you?
I would have a sit down with him and tell him that you are very concerned with his extreme and reckless behavior. Be honest that this has damaged your ability to trust him to have your back and to do what's best for both of you and that it scares you how quickly and easily he threw your wellbeing to the wind for some petty self-satisfaction. Ask him how he intends to solve this, particular the financial aspect of it and that you are very stressed about that side of things. Then, I would probably insist on counselling for him because this behavior was so over-the-top and reckless to not just his career, but his marriage and your stability that it is bordering on unforgivable. He needs to know this is a profoundly major fuck-up and he needs to start fervently job hunting now and not stop until he has one. He needs to eat, sleep and breathe job hunting and therapy.
He needs to find a different “girlfriend”.
No multi millionaire would be asking Reddit advice about his gf of 8 months and her thoughts about money.
Mainly the same ones his son exhibits as well as struggles with executive function and a propensity for technical based interests in work and hobbies. But I am not an expert. Just noticing similarities
You need to leave this man, like yesterday. What the fuck OP.
I would advise therapy. You think/feel/know that she is a good partner and loyal. The problem is what happened at the beginning of the relationship. Now these are my thoughts and correct me if i am wrong. But do you somehow feel that you had to put your foot down, had to put up some sort of “ultimatum” in order for her to “realise” that what she was doing was “wrong”. That you feel that you had to stop it and would have hoped that she would have stopped it on her own account. That somehow you are not sure that this something she wanted. That you are not sure if she puts up bounderies to block him off next time. That you feel that you took something away that she wanted to keep. Because that could be solved with therapy, communication and trust.
Good luck OP.
Long story short now my dad is telling me that if I don't immediately break up with my boyfriend that he will disown me and cut all financial support to me and my education.
I honestly don't know what to do, and I'm very emotionally overwhelmed.
How kind.
How many years of study do you have left? How much money would this be?
What do you want to do in the future? Do you want a career, a job, or to be a SAHM? Are you also religious? Or are you agnostic or atheist?
How do you feel about the way your father treats people? We're you always planning to rebel and now is just bad timing, or is this all a complete shock?
If you cust yourself off from your father, and then broke up with your boyfriend, would you still consider your independence to be worth it?
If alt right ideas aren't a deal breaker for him to support someone then he supports alright ideas. I've dropped friendships of over a decade over way less dramatic political differences.
At the end of the day the things you believe are you.
This is what I mean, we’re like a little team, I’m seeing him this weekend so I think we’ll have a chat about it then
I do not want to be in a poly relationship
That's your answer. Let her know you aren't interested in the idea. If she wants to date him as well, you'll have to leave, as you can't do poly. Don't make it an ultimatum, somehow. But yeah, it's definitely whack in all levels. Wouldn't be surprised if she's been seeing him on the side before anyway.
But, if you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. Either move on from her, or deal with it. If she's interested in dating more than one person now, and you're not into that idea, then she's likely going to continue being into that idea while you aren't, so it's just not meant to be. Time to move on, and avoid heartbreak and stress
My ex never came out and just told me until long after. I trusted my ex when she said she was going out with friends or her sister. She used that trust against me. It was one of her friends that actually broke it to me about what she had been doing before we separated, and even that was not right away. Sad thing is within 2 or 3 months after the split she was pregnant with some other guys kid. Her friend informed me that she had been cheating on me before and during our marriage. We were together for 6 years. 4 of which we were married. So it was pretty much the whole time.
We had a child together that was 4 at the time of the split.
I'm really glad I could help (: I saw your edit, and yeah if this is only something you all have known about for a year now and he has the habit built up from 5 years of just getting up and going after sex, then it's not realistic to say he doesn't care. He just doesn't know how much it actually bothers you or have it on his attention enough to actively work on it. Direct communication doesn't leave room for him to not know, and of course if you communicate it over and over again and you see no change, that says more than a few off handed attempts not creating a change. If he's otherwise a wonderful partner and you express explicitly how icky it makes you feel but you know he's just not used to this change (validating that he isn't doing this intentionally or with lack of intention, but just doesn't know), he'll most likely feel awful about that and appreciate you working with him so you can both feel fulfilled after sex.
this guy trickle-truthed the hell out of you to start and sadly he doesn't really seem to even know himself what he wants. My advice is to stay away from someone who can lie so easily to ya like that.
If he is that dead set on sex with others, to where he will be emotionally abusive when you say no, and you are dead set on monogamy, this is not a viable relationship.
Any man who respects his woman will have NO other woman spending the night. Time for you to realize your own worth and realize there are real men out there who want to be in real relationships. What you have is not a real relationship. Respect yourself some more please.
Emotional relationship? Nah, adults don't meet up alone in a private location in secret for just emotional support.
“Old enough to know better, Young enough to do better”. ??