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  1. So you're saying if your husband kissed another woman it wouldnt be cheating because it wasn't a full on make out session ? If yes, then at least you are consistent.

  2. You need to use your words and communicate. Clearly tell him to stop, tell him how it makes you feel, and set the boundary. If he crosses the boundary, i'd be tempted to dump him over the disrespect.

  3. he makes you doubt yourself not in a good way like telling you things so you can reflect on them but to put you down. He likes to destabilize you. Eventually you would only rely on what he says because like you do know questionning everything you say and do. He’s not good for you.

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  6. If you don't like her you don't like her. Tough kitties for her. Just don't be rude/cruel/mocking towards her. You arent obligated to like her back. You arent obligated to date her. What if she wants to marry you? Are you going to suck it up and propose?

    Your friend group sounds exhausting.

  7. Exactly everyone’s making really bold statements like “you sabotaged your relationship and went apeshit” “this is all you and you’re insecurities” literally gaslighting her lol when there isn’t even enough info to confirm those statements … I don’t know why people act like messaging someone who is clearly thirsty for you whilst you’re in a relationship is normal or acceptable. It’s possible that both OP has serious insecurity issues and that the bf wasn’t setting boundaries. Both can be true at the same time.

  8. Have you talked with her about this? since you are both young she might not have realize that she should tell you if she changes plans, it's easy for her to not see your POV. Also there is a world where she might think you wouldnt want her to come over if she wasnt going to stay until night so she lies so you cant refuse.

  9. Honestly I’m selfishly looking out for the guys interests yea. There is a decent chance he tells her on the 4th date or something and she ghosts him or tells him it’s not going to work out due to sexual incompatibility, when if he just waited and things keep progressing as they have been, then he tells her afterwards, he has a higher chance of not being a virgin anymore. Sure he can tell her before but it’s a 50/50 shot of him getting laid. Whether the relationship works out after that or not, who knows but he wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. Yes I’m looking out for the dudes interest in this situation because I’m a dude, I realize this is not ideal for the woman in this situation, I’m trying to maximize this dudes chances. Like I said it’s not a lie if he never brings it up. Just like you not bringing up the amount of dudes you have been with to your partner is not a lie of the question never gets asked.

  10. What is the whole situation, then? You can't expect people to make a fair assessment and give you good advice when you're only telling half the story.

  11. Thanks. Such a “woe is me” person. Of course his wife is at fault for everything in his miserable life. How dare he to push every fault to her (“I sacrificed everything for her”) when he is the one who was emotionally distant from the beginning, because of his obsession with another woman?

  12. She seems super judgemental. As I read it then your friends are working very hot and doing their best to achieve something.

    It looks like she is trying to isolate you from your friends. Any other red flags? Entitlement issues?

    The fact that she doubled down on her being right would make me want to give her a hot no. Mostly as those judgements show her to be lacking in empathy and compassion for others.

  13. Why are you staying with her if you’re not poly? Yes relationships can get boring but then you bring back the connection. You won’t be happy if you stay with someone who isn’t interested in a relationship like you’d want.

  14. He needs to begin with an apology to you, for putting his family in such a precarious position.

    Then he needs to go and apologize to anyone that was at his former employer that will listen to him. Don't ask for a job back. Just apologize. Not only because it's right thing to do after insulting a group of people, but because that group of people is now telling everyone in their network what a dunce your husband is. And maybe, maybe someone will tell someone else in the network that your husband has the decency to apologize when he acts an ass. And maybe maybe maybe someone else in the network helps him out down the line because of that rumor of decency.

    Then he needs to go take whatever job will hire him.

  15. She just knows already what a lazy child you are and knows it's more realistic to ask you to make more money than to contribute to your SHARED household

  16. Anything other than proportional splitting is financial abuse, unless you both agree you’ll be a SAHM

    If you work full time you pay a proportional amount…end of story

  17. You're acting as if people exist on an objective one-dimensional scale, from “undesirable” to “desirable,” and then using that to damage your own self esteem by thinking that you're somewhere at the undesirable end. But attraction and relationship dynamics are both multi-dimensional and relative.

    There could be innumerable reasons for why things didn't work out. Maybe your ex was super into some kind of kink that he was ashamed of at the time. Maybe there was something that you two just didn't have in common enough for there to be a sexual connection. We don't know. But don't use that lack of knowledge as an excuse to look down on yourself.

    Nobody can be all things to all people, nor should they think that they should be. Nobody is omni-compatible, omni-attractive, omni-seductive, omni-kinky, etc. You have a husband that you love and who loves you, plus children? That's what you should focus on. Not everyone gets that.

  18. she sounds pretty toxic. I had a super shitty relationship years ago, now I can safely I missed the relationship, as in the things that when along with it and not necessarily the walking pile of garbage I was seeing

  19. As long as you clean up if you make a mess and offer to replace glasses you break it shouldn’t be an issue

  20. Maybe she just likes you as a friend and she just said yes to the mini golf because you put her on the spot and asked in person -but now she realizes if she continues to go on dates with you that it would be leading you on because she may like texting heaps, but likes you as a friend. not a lover.

  21. You are not overreacting. You are not ungrateful.

    Are you safe? It doesn't sound like it.

    This sounds extremely horrible. You deserve happiness and a good life. Divorce isn't a moral judgement. Go, work on yourself, and find someone who will treat you with respect and dignity.

  22. WTF did I just read. This isn't a relationship but more like a business deal. Please get away from him for your own sake and your unborn child's sake. Do you have family you can go back to to regain yourself and figure out what to do next? When the child comes, this will be a turning point that you need to prepare yourself for.

  23. OP, c'mon now…he isn't crying because he is sorry. He is crying because he got caught. They don't suddenly have some magical epiphone and stop. They just get sneakier and better at hiding it. Who know how many times he has done this that you haven't found out about. As someone who was with a disgusting man like this for eight years, again, they do not stop. By staying with him after he repeatedly cheats on you, all you are doing is showing him you will keep tolerating it. Someone who loves you wouldn't do this to you. He doesn't love you.

  24. This makes me want to end the relationship immediately. I don’t know what to think.

    Yes.

    Good idea, trust your instinct on this. He was being rude, rude, rude….

  25. this relationship would make me so miserable and depressed in the long run. you like adventure, he hates it…. not a match made in heaven.

  26. He probably hid them until now. It's not uncommon for that shit to start showing up during/after pregnancy.

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