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  1. They probably could afford one, but not taxes on both and reno on the one that they bought. It sounds like because there is a lot of land the taxes are pretty high.

  2. Yes I’ve brought up the lack of intimacy as well. No planned dates, no cuddling, no random kisses unless we see each other after work. No flowers unless I ask him for them which I shouldn’t be. The sex isn’t fun anymore and I feel like it’s just a chore for him at this point and he doesn’t care for it to have it with me Atleast. When I caught him cheating he was talking to the girls like how he used to talk to me in the beginning and now he doesn’t do that anymore.

  3. I think you are trying to UNDERSTAND what went wrong. As if it could have been avoided had you known how to navigate it. But sometimes things just don’t go as we saw them going, and our future is not what we envisioned.

    This was unavoidable. And that’s actually ok. It hurts now. Because love is still there and the expectation of what you thought would be is still fresh. But you will heal in time and move on and find new love and have flings and all sorts of experiences. Good and bad and ugly. Keep on keepin on. You got this bro ❤️

  4. This is true. I know during our conversation last night I had something in my eye and was making a terrible face. On top of other times I may not have been aware of my facial expressions.

  5. I think what she's scared of is losing him or the thought of their relationship changing drastically cause I'm stuck in a kinda similar situation rn

  6. wait, you called and said you'd be home in an hour and that's when she took her pants off for some other guy in your own house??

    Messed up people always beg and plead and say they'll change…and they do…but only until the moment you say 'ok, you can have another chance.'

    Only chance of her changing is if she hits 'rock bottom.' And puts a lot of effort into it. Help her out by moving on. Then she can either work on herself or get further into bar business and doing random guys. Will be her choice- nothing to do with you.

  7. This is ridiculous. Did she not think about this once before marriage when you two discussed finances?

    This is extremely easy. You're married so legally things are joint.

    Money for bills (including paying debts) are funneled into joint accounts and paid from there.

    You each get equal spending money that goes to a personal account.

    The left overs go to a joint savings.

    If you want to funnel your own personal money to your individual goals you can.

    If you're not working the same hours as her, you better be picking up extra housework. And exactly what is keeping you from consistent employment? If you're getting fired a lot then I'm 100% on her side that it's frustrating and she should consider leaving. No one has time for a partner that won't pull their weight. And pulling weight doesn't necessarily mean money wise but can be extra chores or errands, too.

  8. Expressing any interest in non-monogamy is an instant relationship killer for me, which I learned the hard way when my ex asked if I'd ever be interested in swinging. I told him an emphatic no, and he never brought it up again, but that single conversation never left my brain and cast a shadow on the rest of our time together. Just knowing that he could consider/want to sleep with other people while being with me brought my attraction to the negatives while before I was smitten.

    Now I'm with someone who is as monogamous as I am and it's a huge relief. Not everyone is like this, of course, but for people like me, just knowing that there's such a vast disparity in how we view intimacy/partnership/fidelity is enough to end things.

  9. u/PhotojournalistOne73, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  10. Hello /u/Creepy_Pressure_803,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  11. China is envious of the massive red flag your man is waving. Lose him. Regular men don't act like this.

    Also how the hell have you only had one orgasm at 31?! That's heart breaking! You deserve better!

  12. Look at OP's comments; I seriously doubt they said that he is infertile and also said he has a low sperm count. I suspect they told him it was too low to donate (donors must be well above average) and he misunderstood

  13. In my opinion, she owes you a lot more clarity into why she left so abruptly and you are entitled to some reassurance she won’t change her mind again in a few months/years. Perhaps some couples counseling is in order before you consider reconciling.

  14. Jane’s only appropriate response to your agreement with you ex should have been, “Wow, that sounds very mature. What a good plan! Let me know how I can help. Should I purchase the white goods and we can figure out repayment later?“

  15. Sounds like you’re trying to push the blame onto your husband. This sounds like a very well rehearsed story to justify and garner sympathy for your actions.

    Not to say that your husband doesn’t share some blame by being avoidant, but judging by your post you use divorce as a thread of emotional blackmail and it seems that it’s not so much your husband was doing anything wrong for you to be struggling you were just unhappy in the marriage and put that blame of unhappiness on him. The mention of being a “nicer wife” is also concerning.

    You put a lot of emphasis around what you want, how you feel but very little about actually what the actual problem is.

    Either way, the right thing is never to have an emotional affair and break up the family then dive straight into another relationship.

    It’s okay to be unhappy with your relationship and not want to be in it at all, but anyone with any respect for their family or partner wouldn’t line up another relationship and instead actually work out the new family dynamic as a team instead.

    Elements of narcissism leaking through too.

  16. The funny thing is you were also in a relationship so how is he not also a homewrecker if that is how it works? Some people will believe anything to take a cheater back. Don't feel the need to stop telling the story to people no matter what he says. But definitely go ahead and make a brand new happy life and take no bullshit from any of them.

  17. In you’re defense you’re still young and figuring out what you want in life and in a boyfriend/husband. He might always be the one that got away from you but he probably won’t be the only one you love.

    I had a similar experience where I was in your BF position and I also didn’t want to get back into the relationship with her. The trust had been broken. What it sounds like to a man when you say you want to experience dating others is one of 2 things. You want to sleep around a little bit or her not good enough for you and you want to find someone better. Either of these things aren’t acceptable to any man with even a little self respect. In actuality it can be 100s of different reasons but those 2 will always be in the back of his mind nagging at him. Even the most secure man would struggle with that so the only option is to not have a relationship if he wants to maintain his sanity.

  18. I could maybe maybe see him doing this (misguidedly) for like 5 minutes. I can’t believe he did this all day and left her like this. This is so much worse than the headline.

  19. This is what I was thinking. Wife needs help getting over being second best. What happened to you is terrible. I would suggest that you and your wife, at minimum, block the sister.

  20. It sounded deliberate from what OP said and he said he did it due to a trauma reaction. And the fact he was doing it all over her torso and face instead of turning away sounds intentional. Dude needs therapy.

  21. You both are immature. Who cares if he enjoys looking at big boobies, many men do…doesn’t mean they are cheaters. You set him up and you need to be honest about why you premeditated a plan to destroy your relationship. His mom is a red flag…

  22. I was just thinking, what a new and ingenious way to break up with someone……” I’m polly and you have to accept it “

    Yeesh

  23. Don’t lower your standards bc you don’t want to be alone. You deserve better and can find better but you need to drop her quick first.

  24. Never let yourself be pushed into marriage! If she cannot wait till you are ready then she should find someone. Else. The voicing she wants to have kids by 30 is concerning enough for me.

  25. Unless he is getting professional help, you should leave. He isn't ready to be in a relationship if he can't handle that. Does he never go to restaurants?

  26. Here's a question for you… Do you want to be with someone who won't cheat on you or someone who hasn't cheated on you yet because you've managed to stop them?

  27. Here's a question for you… Do you want to be with someone who won't cheat on you or someone who hasn't cheated on you yet because you've managed to stop them?

  28. Your BF is right, his working hot to be able to support you both as a couple means nothing to you. If it did mean something, then you would realise that he would rather be spending time with you, but he also lives in the real world, where you need money, and that requires a job, so you would not be feeling like you don’t spend enough time together.

    You are lazy ‘I can’t find a job because I’m not motivated’ is bs.

    You want some motivation, if you don’t pull your head out of your arse, you will be alone, broke and homeless.

  29. If he didn’t bring you flowers and help around the house and make you feel special there is no way you would stay with someone who is violently abusing you. That’s why he does those things, to keep you thinking “he’s a good man aside from that one heinous crime, it can’t be that bad”. Good men respect when women say no to sex.

  30. Oh no, Canada it’s worse. Depending on what country you’re from, you may have to re-enroll in medical school entirely.

  31. You’re the backup my guy, respect yourself more. Can almost guarantee she’s testing the water with “a better prospect,” but if it doesn’t work out, she’ll be right back to you. Don’t do that to yourself and lose her number.

  32. I am not going to hurt the turtle, I know that treating evil with evil won't solve anything. But I also cannot just give it away and risk it harming someone else. And it's not just about my marital insecurities, this turtle has given me reason to believe that it's more than just a harmless pet. I appreciate your concern for the animal, but I believe that animals, just like humans, can have negative intentions and energies. And I'm not going to waste my time or money on couples counseling or a psychiatrist, because they won't understand the true nature of this evil creature.

  33. People also underestimate how hot it is to be a caregiver, especially when it's your own child (I've been that child so I've seen what it looks like). Caregiver burnout is a very real, tough problem.

  34. Go see your friend. This guy will alienate you more and more until you have no one else and is completely dependent on him. A good bf would be happy that you have made a friend. If he has a problem with that, you’re better off without him.

  35. He's law enforcement. I would think carefully about the repercussions he could inflict upon you. I would definitely tell her , but I would at least wait months before doing this. This, even though not necessarily revenge , is best served cold.

    Your safety is top priority.

  36. she didn’t throw anything at them they were in the corner and she pointed to them and asked him to deal with them lol. you are making shit up to be mad at

  37. Learn to read dumbass. Stop playing dumb I wasn’t talking about 26 and 20. I was replying to you saying as long as they are legal age it’s ok when it’s not.

  38. Certain men hear “penis” and they cry foul because their penis is their pride and joy and how dare a lowly woman critique it for size.

    Meanwhile, women have been taunted for being members of the IBTC, having a flat ass (used to be having a fat ass got you a lot of hate), sagging tits, sagging ass, square ass, etc.

    So I don't see any difference. It is all insulting and degrading at its core. He needs to grow up.

  39. what exactly is the answer here that results in them staying? it really doesn't matter the reason…

    you almost had me for a moment because I thought he whole one line, lose my number, mic drop style moment breakup was a bit silly lol but breaking up is definitely the right answer here, the sneaky factor to double down is what really does it in

  40. You seem like a sensible young man. If you care about your gf please go with her if she insists on meeting this dude. So you don't come off as controlling.

    You only care about her safety and facts are she hasn't ever met this man in person and he is a stranger. People are very different irl.

    There should be no problem with her inviting her bf to meet her friend. And make it a extremely public place.

    There are alot of weirdos who take advantage of younger woman. The kids i speak to on a daily saying how older men tell them they are so mature… it's gross. And predatory. I love the teens i speak to you guys can teach us alot about being more open minded yeah but that's professional capacity. It's honestly super weird coming from a whole different place to meet a teenager who's dad you could've been if you were just a lil bit older and a teenage dad. No.

    Please be safe, both of you! And take care! ?

    Let us know if there's an update with the creeper.

  41. She doesn’t just want you to post her selfies, she wants you to show her off as your girlfriend. She’s starting to feel confident and possibly like you haven’t shown couples pics before that you were ashamed of her body, I’m not saying you are/were.

    I would say however, that saying she ‘craves immense validation’ based on small things yet isn’t begging you to promote her business or anything feels icky and if she’s doing that with other people how attention and validation starved is she feeling? As well you’re so worried about over posting blah blah blah because people ruin good things…are you worried you would loose her to someone else or that you would be teased for dating her?

  42. Because his first wife was 16, and he was 22. If that happened now, in many states he'd be on a registry. Oh wait, recording his young daughter and her friends through her childhood, he'd be on a registry for that too. That actually may not have hit the statute of limitations if he got hot or seminaked shots of anyone during that time.

  43. I’d divorce over that, don’t fall for the trope that you should feel guilty for having valid emotions about the situation. Trust yourself.

  44. If you know what it is then you shouldn't even be concerned about it.. but here you are worried about something so shallow.

  45. I’m also worried about getting in over my head I don’t know if I can handle her but I can’t abandon her now, I obviously care about her a lot I’m just thinking from my sanity’s pov

  46. He has a right to his boundary, but if he isn’t comfortable, then he should end the relationship. You should not change how you dress for him unless that’s something you want to do.

    Likely most of us would disagree this isn’t boundary worthy but I guess everyone has to decide their own boundaries. ?‍♀️

  47. Honey you deserve better.

    You're an easy target for an abuser, because your compass are so twisted from your family abuse, and because you didn't had the time to heal and become the balanced adult you should have been, right now.

    Everything went so FAST and you're obviously not OK with it. And instead of respecting what is working for you, the person that should be your best friend in this word, ignore your needs, and is mad at you.

    Wedding will not improve the situation. At contrary. You'll be more stuck, more isolated.

    I would stop the wedding, and stop to have sex with this man (baby trapping someone can be made by the man)

    You have a job, your money, what does he take on the table, except ruining your dreams?

  48. I am 53(m) years old. I've been married (legally) 3 times and non-legally (just a ceremony) twice. First time I was 21 (married one year then annulled because she literally assaulted me when I found out she was cheating), 30 (had a kid, married 13 years, again, cheater), then at 46 (1 yr, she was abusive and had mental issues, long story). In no situation did being married help me at all…in fact I paid spousal support only because I was a married.

    Non-legally is the way to go. I see no reason anymore to go any other way. I had a ceremonial marriage in Venice back in September – and I'm perfectly happy. We don't have children together, never will. We both have wills and are on accounts together.

    From my perspective, just because he's lying about his mom doesn't mean he doesn't believe in marriage, per-se. It's his mom. He may be embarrassed or not happy with the situation.

    I get cynicism but maybe he's talking marriage because he does want to commit long term. And why would that be a bad thing? Maybe he wants a kid? You guys are at that age where it's an important question. Maybe his values aren't exactly the same as yours, but ultimately… do you love him? Is he kind to you? That's what matters. You don't have to mate for life, and there is an in-between. I call my mate my wife because it's something we defined, not the state…and that seems more important to me.

  49. I am 53(m) years old. I've been married (legally) 3 times and non-legally (just a ceremony) twice. First time I was 21 (married one year then annulled because she literally assaulted me when I found out she was cheating), 30 (had a kid, married 13 years, again, cheater), then at 46 (1 yr, she was abusive and had mental issues, long story). In no situation did being married help me at all…in fact I paid spousal support only because I was a married.

    Non-legally is the way to go. I see no reason anymore to go any other way. I had a ceremonial marriage in Venice back in September – and I'm perfectly happy. We don't have children together, never will. We both have wills and are on accounts together.

    From my perspective, just because he's lying about his mom doesn't mean he doesn't believe in marriage, per-se. It's his mom. He may be embarrassed or not happy with the situation.

    I get cynicism but maybe he's talking marriage because he does want to commit long term. And why would that be a bad thing? Maybe he wants a kid? You guys are at that age where it's an important question. Maybe his values aren't exactly the same as yours, but ultimately… do you love him? Is he kind to you? That's what matters. You don't have to mate for life, and there is an in-between. I call my mate my wife because it's something we defined, not the state…and that seems more important to me.

  50. I understand your point more clearly now, thank you. You are right on the aspect of commitment, I can understand that. Obviously OP cannot control her emotions about him now.

    I believe his reaction is valid (apart from the threats), because it's normal to be scared, but so is hers. And if they don't find common ground, I also think they should part ways.

  51. Take advice from someone who's done it, it almost destroyed our marriage, I would never do it again, it was a long road back to where we were, I'd advise strongly against it being he wants and you don't, it will NOT work!!

  52. You made the right call. I'm sorry that you miss him, I know how unbearable that pain can be. As a woman on the otherside, who DID give in to a man just like this, I never finished my nursing program. I'm a stay at home mom now. I didnt leave my man, and while he is A LOT more mature now and doesn't treat me this way anymore, I never got back into school or anything. At least not yet. Funny enough, he gets mad sometimes that I don't earn money. But I just have to laugh at that because when I met him I was set on being a surgeon, then a family doctor, then a nurse, then a teacher, then a substitute, but he couldn't handle me becoming any of those things. He couldn't support me or give me the time I needed. So now I have given him what he wants, and he's still mad lol.

  53. Totally get it. Just take some time to process everything. Let it sink in. It’ll be overwhelming but it’ll help you get a grip on the situation. But do take care of yourself first. What exactly are you confused on?

  54. This is perfect. OP, this is not your battle right now. Hand it back to him as this wonderful human did and enjoy your time with your mum. You have bigger monkeys to deal with.

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