I f38 prevented my husband m41 from cheating f32 on me without his knowledge but now I feel cheated on anyway

Please keep the blaming game to the minimum about how I have neglected my husband etc.

About 4 weeks ago my husband left his phone on his charger while at the gym and I saw that he got a text from “steven” with ??. I froze but decided to look. Steven was a girl that he saved under a guy’s name. She lives in his hometown. They had started talking 2 weeks before I saw the message and it was mostly about their hometown and people they knew in common but also about being married for long like my husband and I and how life changed and he felt that he was falling down my priority list for each year and how new things were taking more and more priority in my life. I felt like I was going to die of heart ache. This is so not true and not fair. I have always loved him and my love grew more each day and he knows this. In fact this is one of the things we tell each other.

But we have had two children. I finished school and started a new demanding job. It has taken time from me and on top of that I’ve battled depression and weight issues. So I admit that our sex life has suffered but it was never like he made it sound, because I didn’t want him or wasn’t attracted to him anymore but because I wasn’t comfortable in my skin. I wasn’t attracted to myself. We still have sex but it is nothing compared to how we were.

I didn’t tell my husband anything and didn’t confront him. I just kept following his conversation with her. They have flirted and talked about sex. What he liked what she liked and they decided to have sex when he visited his hometown. My husband made it clear that he loved me, his wife and children and wasn’t interested in anything else but sex. Because he was tired of always begging for sex from me and me giving it to him like its a chore (this is how he feels and I won’t dismiss his feelings but he is never a chore I just don’t feel nude or sexy to do anything but missionary or doggy and I have very hot time cuming because I can’t relax with this severe self awareness).

Three weeks ago my husband was going back home to visit. One of his best friends turned 40 and was having a party. This is something I knew of before I found out about steven. I wasn’t going to go with him because I couldn’t take the days off work. That girl was invited to the party too. I have watched my husband and her deciding on meeting after the party for sex. I asked my parents to watch our kids for that weekend and took a train later than my husband and I showed up to the party. I couldn’t read my husband’s face if he was surprised in a good way or disappointed. His friends were happy to see me. And during the evening my husband seemed more happy than not that I showed up. He asked me why I didn’t tell him and I said because I wanted to surprise him. I also told him that I’ve booked a hotel room because I wanted to do things I wouldn’t be able to if we stayed at my in laws where we usually stayed when visiting. We had sex all night and mostly it was wonderful but for the little intrusive thought in my head wondering if he was enjoying me or wishing it was her.

Next morning we went back home and my husband has been acting differently. Saying that he loved the surprise and how he thought it was hot. I have watched his phone and he has stopped texting Steven and has left her texts on read.

I should have been happy now, I saved my relationship and my family from ruin but why am I not happy? It feels like he still cheated on me. He is very loving now and our sex life is on its way up and he seems content and I’m content too. I realized how much I’ve missed sex in general and with him in particular so why does it still feel awful like he cheated? Like I was playing a game and I conquered one level but now maybe I will need to conquer next level.

I want a divorce but who will side with me?

thank you for all the comments I haven’t slept at all last night thinking about my situation. I realized that I haven’t really slept since I found out about Steven. It has just been one long nightmare and I don’t think I can handle it anymore. Something has broken inside of me and I can’t mend it.

Cheating has always been my boundary. It is something I know I can’t get over. My problem was that he didn’t physically cheat so I have been confused about my feelings but now I know that for menwhat he did was cheating

I know I have neglected my husband and let my personal issues affect him and our marriage and I will regret it forever but his way of handling things was wrong. You don’t do that to your wife that you say you love. I have decided on divorce. I won’t bring up Steven because it doesn’t matter anymore. We just don’t have our needs met in this relationship. I have my children to think about and I don’t want them to be disappointed in their father (or me for that matter)