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Try googling free or low-cost therapy near me. There are some options out there.
he
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Gaslighting pos.
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He is claiming he has given it up. It’s been months struggle to him finally giving it up, but I can say he has put in the work to stop it. My fear now is that his sex drive has tanked because he doesn’t have fresh mental images to stimulate him.
Our relationships are only as real as we are, so you should definitely have a conversation with your husband about how uncomfortable you were, because by your values that kind of thing is inappropriate. Then you two can decide how best to handle a conversation with her regarding gifts for you in the future.
If all is as you presented, no issue. Obviously, this guy has feelings for her and should be watched.
Good luck.
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Oh wow your weakness for not wanting to be the jealous type screwed you over. She is definitely sleeping with him and his dealer more than likely. May want to grow a backbone and break up and ghost her.
I'm attentive to brushing and flossing too since my teeth are cavity prone, it sucks! my dentist believed me though and prescribed toothpaste to help with my enamel, and I use a fortifying mouthwash when I'm courageous enough (I hate the taste lol).
My pets comes first before any a-holes who wants to get rid of them before I met them. Try to rethink of staying with her. You can be a father and not her partner.
I had an ex that pulled this crap, turned out she was cheating on me
Don’t rock the boat over this dude. It’s not like it’s some ex or something. My wife would give everything she owns to see Luke Bryan hot. Don’t take it personally, she’s just in list with some musician that probably a million other women are too.
YTA.
you need to clearly tell him you're not interested in being with anyone else, you don't like the idea of it, talking about it even if it's “just words” or ideas or a fantasy are disgusting to you. The end.
If he can't drop it you have a huge problem. I think you are already at the point where this is a huge problem but it's hot to tell if he might actually think you're into this based on how you describe your initial silence about it and then testing to see how far he'd go… he might stupidly really think you are ok with it. But there's no way this would turn out well, not with his friend, not even if you WERE into this fetish. And since you aren't, it's awful for him to pressure you about it.
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I’m pregnant and plan to name my daughter’s middle name with my surname… stop being a controlling bigot and let your wife have this!
Be lucky she issant insisting on having her sur name as the child’s last name
You said she fucked one of the friends who was in relationship. She has no morals and class. Her behavior with you is disgusting and she's definitely fucking your BF too, they're gaslighting you to cover up their affair. You don't need to be in this abusive relationship. Walk away OP.
Shouldn’t she find out if he’s an abusive, controlling POS before she marries him?
You really are delusional. He didn't do anything wrong nor did his new gf. You did. You went to THEIR house (YOU DIDN'T LIVE! THERE AT THE TIME ANYMORE) and you caused a fight and couldn't handle getting fucked up FAIRLY. You were stalking them.
He didn't want the open relationship. He wanted you. For you, he wasn't enough and you got mad when he found someone WAY better for him than you. You are being hella narcissistic and toxic to him by saying he cheated nah fam YOU FORCED HIM INTO AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP AND COULDN'T HANDLE THE CONSEQUENCES. I'M GLAD HE LEFT YOU AND GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER.
YOU. NEED. HELP. you can be in therapy BUT YOU OWN UP TO YOUR ACTIONS AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY IN YOUR LIFE.
YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR THERAPIST HOW STALKERISH AND CRAZY YOU BECAME OVER LOSING HIM. Because your therapist WOULD NEVER have told you to do any of that. Leave him and his gf the fuck alone. And heal yourself dude.
Unpopular opinion here but you were the one adopting a dog while in a 4 year relationship with someone who dislike dogs (which is very respectable). Out of love for you he accepts the dog but treats it as a dog (for a non dog-lover). Sorry but your boyfriend is NTA here for ne
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I think diminishing his manipulation as “incompatible” does her a disservice
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Yeah you need to leave and learn to be less shitty to others or enjoy your habits on your own.
You can sort this out by understanding that wanting to please your partner is good, but not at the expense of having painful sex? Put your foot down — “I'm sore, I need a break. I can do x or y, but sex is off the table until my vagina stops being sore.” He also has his hand if you can't have sex with him. The compromise to be made is that he can jerk off, or accept non-penetrative forms of sex.
Be glad you only loaned him $20 and remember not to lend out money you'll need back
What he said is unforgivable- of course you can’t forgive him.
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He’s a weirdo
Yeah I made a profile. Eager to meet someone new. At this point someone doing the bare minimum will woo me. This man would come to my house in dirty clothes and tell he he hasn’t had a shower since the last time we had fucked. At this point All my criteria is: basic personal hygiene, not a criminal, not a drug addict, is nice to me and doesn’t gaslight me
Straight up everything she says is worth nothing
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Hello /u/sadbisexual_,
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We have hung out socially in groups either work outings or out of work group outings
He left her while she was pretty far into the pregnancy too! Then started the divorce process ..sounds like he didnt give 2 shits about staying together for the babys sake. Idk it seems like it might be a better idea to stay with parents for awhile. Before and after the babys birth. This guy needs to earn you back, your trust and love.
You are making a point that I make often. Sex is important in a relationship, especially if it is important to one of the couple. It is to him. So if you want to be with him, you had better find a way to work it out. I don't want to go into the ways, but naked ware experimenting, software experimenting, compromise on how frequent. Without sex, it is like having a buddy without that bond of intimacy to many of us. Clearly to your husband. Libido differences is a real thing. real enough it can end relationships.
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Important part is he fucked other people immediately……
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Keep working hot and build your future, break up with party girl.
Your future comes first! There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Party girls are not for relationship.
Sure wish you luck.
Semper Fi
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Reverse the genders here and see how you feel about it if you were the one forbidding her to go to bars with her friends. She needs to work on her control issues, you need a new gf
A year seems reasonable to be honest. It was also my estimate and the at LEAST part is kinda why I wanted more opinions. Have has 2 previous relations break after more than a year.
Kids at 35, my reasoning is that I don’t have to worry much about then past 60…hopefully
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This sounds like a terrible start to a relationship that will almost certain fail from what you have said.
Info: were you raised in a cult?
She has already cheated. She has built an emotional connection with another partner that she preferes to you. That's an emotional affair. That she hasn't been physical yet doesn't change that fact.
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INFO
They’ve been friends for 20 years and she is ‘one of the guys’ as far as he’s concerned.
Did you know her to be his friend of 20 years before this? Or is this the first you've known about it?
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Yes you’re overthinking it. People have different texting habits and things change has life happens
It's not the depression making her abusive, it's her.
Agreed. As I said in a previous comment, I am Latin and in my culture the grandparents are extremely involved. We take the 'it takes a village' mentality very seriously.
Well dude, try to have a convo about it with her.
I think my attempt to comprehend this has given me a brain bleed.
I mean, it sounds like you guys didn't set up a very adaptable framework for how expenses get handled. Ultimately she signed up for 50:50,and you can hold her to that if it's worth forever being a scrooge in her mind.
For 1 month more, I'd suck it up and come up with a system that adapts based off your respective take home pays, and address what happens in the event one of you loses a job or something.
This way you two don't have to agree when you get thrown a curveball: your plan already takes it into account.
She just doesn’t like dipping into her savings which I do understand but now she doesn’t seem to accept that rent and bills come before savings and if she can afford to put money away then she can afford to pay bills
Yea I get it now. We talked about it. Thanks for the input.
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It is for men that cheat but you didn't leave him after that so what do you expect?
Your son will learn that being groomed/grooming is okay. He will realize how old you both were when you started dating. He will see how she does not contribute to the home and how you work your ass off but can never be present for him. He’ll either resent you or become you, and I honestly don’t know which would be worse.
Make her get a job. Make her go to couples counseling. Take control of your life instead of letting a woman who would date a teenager run yours. You’re 28 now. How does the idea of dating an 18yo make you feel? Maybe get some individual therapy for perspective. You owe it to yourself and your child.
Well, I mean if you’re reaching out for advice, but you’re still feeling like it’s not for you, that’s ok! I’m a believer in going with your gut. Even if it turns into a rejection, you’ll know that you tried and exactly where you stand, then you won’t have to keep agonizing over it or overthinking/over analyzing it.
It's not your relationship – don't be rude and give actual advice if you have any?
Omg so what is the question? Low sperm count does not mean you’re sterile, numb nuts
They’ve already told you they’re not interested in having a third so if you want to keep what you have then say nothing.
As someone who knew his ex-wife for 4 years before marriage I can say 2 years is absolutely not enough time for some folks. It wasn't for me and if I had known she was the cheating type (she hid this for quite some time) I would have never married her. If the OP isn't secure with being given an ultimatum then its time to end things and stop wasting his GF's time. Its an understandable point of view but 2 years is not enough time to suss out all of the ins and outs of any one potential marriage.
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To be fair, he’s been trying really hot to make it happen since we first started having sex. And maybe ‘inconsolable’ isn’t the right word. He isn’t throwing a tantrum or anything, it just seems to be something that he keeps thinking about and is actively trying to work through but doesn’t know how, since he doesn’t know why he feels this way. On one hand, I want to try to help him get over it but on the other, I’m offended that he feels ‘hurt’ about it to begin with.
He’s crying about it, girl, don’t stick around
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Maybe related to that Jeffrey guy who didn't hang hiself. Your in a very controlling relationship ?? Your required to be monogamous while your partner is out dipping his wick anywhere he can.
Anyone else get both bored and lost halfway through?
More MRA fanfiction.
Trust your gut. He's being dishonest now and you caught him. He would never have told you otherwise. Perhaps her husband needs to know.
I would say her still being friends with the dude she cheated on OP with negates regret and remorse.
I hear what you are saying. But I feel our relationship is still quite young. And a lot of what he is doing seems a bit strange to me. Also note that I've never had this happen to me and was previously in a relationship of 10 years.
She maybe waiting for you to get back from vacation. Send her a quick text …maybe a picture of yourself with a nice view and let her know you are thinking of her.
Break it off. Tell her it's obvious that you can in no way live! up to her standards and that you're not willing to go through the stress of trying.
If she gives you any grief about it, tell her, “I hate to be the one to break it to you, but some day science will find the center of the universe, and much to your shock, it won't be YOU.”
I've been in relationships like this, although they never got close to marriage as yours has. I'm glad I got out of each one.
BTW, if she tries the “I was only joking” bit, tell her, “Did you even once see me laughing?”
He may be keeping lingerie in the car, i wouldn't assume any kind of brain power there.
I did. One of them is on my side but they are mostly not talking to me normally right now. I apologized to all of them for the disappointment and right away explained what happened from my pov. They still feel like they need time though.
No matter what he was trying to do or whatever compliment, men forget they also don’t stay young and hot and this kinda talk makes young women barf ?
Well maybe I'll try hangover sex. I don't drink often but maybe next time. Still, let me pee first please ? I've been asleep for hours, and apparently have been drinking!
Like he said he had been with most of his friends , so none of them stay but none of them let on the reason why they leave.
Don't be one of them , your friend needs to understand who she is dealing with
Give her the time of her life…put her ahead of yourself…if she really wants to go then take her…if you tell her you don't want to go and spend money…she will think you are cheap and selfish and don't want to make her happy. Next time do what you want to do. Take turns. It's all about compromise.
Yeah, I know I'll get shit but sorry for not being able to change who I am. I know we live! in an era where men are more encouraged to be sensitive and stuff, that's not what I'm against. Everyone led a different life, different trauma, different experiences. So don't go judging who see things differently. It's not like you could understand unless you literally went through what me or OP went through.
How long was he gone?
See my takeaway was he stopped talking to him because he realized it was no point in trying anymore. If he’s traumatized I agree with you, if he just figured it’s no point in having a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one I would say reach out
OP he hit you. The bare minimum you guys should do is separate until he gets work done on his anger. Maybe even consider a divorce because hitting you is never acceptable. On the other side you put your child at risk. The way your post reads is he tried to leave. You grabbed your baby to consume it and was still angry and went to go continue to fight. You should never fight with your children present. That’s asking for a recipe for disaster. What if he did get mad and swung at you and hit you and your child. I know you say he would never do it and maybe he didn’t intentionally meant to slam the door and hurt your child. But you took that risk and that’s not a risk you should ever take.
Info needed;
What made you bring up the porn? Surely an honest chat about your sex life could have been had minus the porn references? Had he told you previously that he never watched it or something?
Also what prompted him to delete Instagram and Snapchat in the first place?
I get that you didn’t live! together before marriage but how mom earth have the rest of the issues never come up before?
You shouldn’t stay together for a child. Everyone will be miserable and that’s not fair to bring a child in to that
Reverse the genres and you have a normal situation which would be acceptable. Double standards are not that great huh?
“We both agreed any infidelity from one another would be a deal breaker.”
So, why haven’t you broken up with him?
this isn’t normal relationship
What isn't normal is yelling at you for wanting to talk about that. It's absolutely normal to talk about frustrations with work/friends while in a relationship. Especially a marriage.
Real talk: I don't know if I'd be able to stay with someone like this. Granted I'm not married but I would absolutely dump my GF.
The thing about getting into a relationship is you get to decide with your partner what cheating is. If my boyfriend is in communication with a SW, that’s cheating per our predetermined boundaries.
Some couples are swingers, some couples have rules around porn. Neither is good/bad as long as both partners are consenting and there is healthy communication. Your partner didn’t do that.
He immediately apologized and offered to go to therapy, so he knowing did something wrong. He knows it was wrong now, and he knew when he was doing it. Imo cheating is extremely hot to come back from. You’re only six months in, and he’s already crossing boundaries.
No. Why would that be wrong?
You think it's suspicious, he thinks it's not. Suspicious is a matter of opinion. Debate settled.
No you didn’t do anything wrong. You said no and he should have stopped.
Tell them it's hers! Just call the cops already!! I wish I had instead of letting my lover ex keep mooching off me for months. Who wasn't on the lease and NEVER helped with money or bills.
I thought the cats were 40 year old females.
30+ year old women don’t want to date a 22 year old guy.
Just because YOU went up to 32 on your range doesn’t mean THEY went down to 22 on theirs.
Stop being a martyr! Get a lawyer! She's an adult who made an adult decision, she gets to deal with the consequences like an adult.
?????
Holy shit man open your eyes. She cheated on you in very premeditated way, and still you're giving her the benefit of the doubt when it comes to her character.
Good lord.
You shouldn't be letting it go. You just taught her that she's right.
Worse you don't know why she won't run it again.
Is it time (laziness) or cost (cheapness)?
Just divorce. If he wants someone else then theres no point in keeping the relationship
Cant you use Viagra and have multiple orgasm?
I think the ones that would be interested in either might just treat you as a sex toy and not regard you as their equal, or they might have a Mommy kink. Which is well and good, and there is consent, and caring
I know what you mean and had a friend go through a similar situation which is why I discussed this with my BF at length before we started dating. Surprisingly it’s not actually any family members that have concerns – his mom and sister stayed with us for several weeks and she discouraged him from breaking up with me. His grandma (the ultimate bar) gave her blessing too. In fact she acknowledged how poorly his fathers arranged marriage went and decided it was best she allow him to decide for love. That’s what just shocked me so much because I would have expected this to come from them.
She came out the gate questioning whether he was responsible. Now, maybe that came across more joking and confused, maybe it came across hostile and accusatory, we don’t really have any way of knowing and without that information it seems futile to try to dissect who was in the right or wrong or whatever. It was a misunderstanding, it doesn’t sound like either of them handled it the best, OP is asking what’s best for her marriage and—assuming all is well aside from this—that’d probably be to apologize for the misunderstanding and explain her side of things. If the husband was on here asking what he should do, I’d think he should do the same, but we don’t have an opportunity to give him advice right now.
So I shouldn’t be mad about him following her on twitch?
He says I have “two modes – cute and hot” and that most of the time I’m cute so he just wants to cuddle and not have sex. And because we live! together he just doesn’t want to have sex as much and his sex drive has gone down.
You have never even seen a woman in real life have you?
Yeah, but what is the best that could happen?
If one person has power over another (directly affects their income, say via tips or a contract, or complaint leads to getting fired or demoted) it's not appropriate for the one with the power to put the one with less in the position of being concerned whether their income may be affected based on how they respond. See how that's coercive?
Just because you had no difficulty saying no doesn't mean everyone's the same way. And it doesn't make it okay that you were put in that position in the first place.
One thing everyone seems to be skipping over here is you having a conversation with Vee. You seem to get decent 1-1 time so talk to her. Ask her how she would feel about you asking her dad to sign away his rights so you can legally adopt her because this decision is her's too. He dad signing away his rights likely means she loses access to any family on dad's side, including little sister who's she's close with so I can understand your hesitation in this situation because it's not as simple as “bios treat her like a burden but I don't so I should immediately adopt her and divorce mom” and there's a lot of nuances to consider for both of you. You also have your son to consider and that's another person/situation you have to consider.
Another option is for you to suggest an adult adopt once she turns 18 (if that's a thing where you are). In the states it's basically a way for a step parent to assure their step/adopted child(ren) are treated equally if there comes a time when it's necessary like if the parent is medically incapacitated or dies suddenly with no will. It's a way for you to show that you absolutely love her as your daughter without throwing a bomb into her already precarious life and messing with relationships outside of her parents.
Other than that I have no advice but I will say kids don't really care about legalities, she cares that you show up, you listen, you're involved and her calling you dad means she noticed who's parenting and who's just going through the motions.
she’s willing to talk but is waiting for me to break and talk first
Well clearly you talk to her. Why make this a petty competition? If you want to be in contact, talk. If you want to make it a silent fight over who “breaks” first then stay out of each other's lives.
Oh noooo OP you need to wake up!
If everyone else sees a different man it means you’re the one that’s seeing him different than who he is!
Have you ever had a friend?
So you mean to tell me you’ve gone and whacked it 5 times beforehand and still can go in 3 mins or less…
There’s a flip side to that, at 36, when it comes to round 3…. The sun will come up before I go again. Once the second one comes, that’s it
What? I am so confused here. Some clarity is needed. What does poop have to do with cake? And why do you asking for some mean he has to send a picture?
Whatever the case may be if you are turned off then leave. This is too early on in the relationship for issues and feelings of doubt. Get out while there aren’t too many feelings involved.
You are not obligated to dig her out of debt. Put a pause on the wedding plans. Sit down together and go through her debt. Understand how she got that deeply into debt, also, is there other debt she is not disclosing a? Car, student loan etc. how does she plan on digging out if she is already planning on quitting her job?
There is such a thing as financial incompatibility. If you can’t have adult conversation with her about finances you might want to reconsider.
I don’t think you’re wrong. I get that your husband is feeling ill and just wants to stay at home to recuperate – especially since he haven’t seen his family for 2 weeks due to travel delays. But he’s putting you, his baby, and your parents at risk. It’s unreasonable for him to expect that he can isolate at home (with no closed spaces) while exposing everyone at the risk of catching covid.
Covid sucks. But what sucks more is seeing your love ones suffering from it and you’re struggling to care for them when you’re suffering from it too.
Send your husband some food and meds often. It might help him feel better that he’s still being cared for (even if it’s at a distance).
Yup open and honest communication is always best. Good luck!
Often and intensely enough to begin negotiations with my fiancée for the right to fuck said other women?
… no, actually.
Wait, did you never meet before all this? Or you were just long-distance, but had met in real life? It sounds like she is not ever going to commit. I would take that as a serious sign, in addition to all the hoops she has made you jump through, only to still come up with more roadblocks. It doesn’t sound like it’s meant to be.
That's just NHS England information, it literally says. We have a different healthcare system in Scotland. It's not the same information.
Update me when it backfires
I'd think the “3 people in a relationship” part is stranger than the “2-year age gap” part, for what it's worth.
I understand why you don't want to. However, she appears to be at her limit.
You have to have a serious think about removing your shirt at the very least.
I will add if you see a future with her, eventually it would happen. Remember, she's with you.
Red ?visible from the moon here…
But are you really listening to his needs? He literally said hes not ready to get married due to finances and things similar, and you're literally just ignoring that and saying “but I want the ring!” Just be patient if you're sure about this guy.
I mean honestly yeah. I am part of the itty bitty titty committee, someone acting like I have giant tits would turn me off because that’s delusional. Would rather be with someone who actually likes lil tits than someone who pretends they are massive…
Wow sounds like Aish was the best thing to ever happen to you and you treat her like this.. You and Sara deserve each other
Im so happy for you, that you’ve never had a mental health crisis like this so you don’t understand how difficult it is to just survive, let alone take care of a house and children, the feeling of pure despair and dread of waking up and having to exist in your head, the hell that is executive dysfunction and chronic depression.
But shut the fuck up.
Nope, not cool.
I'm glad you're happy, I agreed to stay friends and today they had a breakdown after I said I had the hots for someone ?
Where do y'all live! that the police listen to you?
Blackmail has no place in a relationship. Get out.
He’s a freeloader get rid of him.
I agree …. sadly you are right.
THIS. There really is no other answer.
Did he even know that the other house was nicer or that you wanted to move, though?
The person you knew is dead. I’m the son of a serious addict. She’s dead dead now at 56, but the mom I knew died when she was in her late 20’s and took that first puff. Multiple attempts at getting clean all failed, and she was never able to be the mom I knew. Given the opportunity to suffer withdrawal, or suck that homeless dudes dick for a fix, she’ll pick the homeless dude and lie to your face with his cum on her breath. I saw my mom blow and fuck dudes for drugs. I saw her beaten and bloodied when they decided to pay her with fists instead of a fix. Run dude. If you have no blood ties, run. Tell your friends that if they’re so invested they can reach out to her but you’re too close.
Even then she might be wrong. I don't like mushrooms but my husband loves them. Maybe his tastes are different.
I really see from this that your deepest concern is whether you forced them into sex. I get it. I don't know about you but I've been r*ped and my partner just recently had to reassure me that I am not doing anything to them nonconsensually, because I almost never even initiate sexy times because I'm terrified they will feel pressured in any way, despite them never saying this or me actually doing anything bad.
Similarly, I've had sex when I didn't want to many times because I just struggled to say no, and most of those people had NO idea that I would have preferred not to, and they didn't r*pe me either, but someone did and there's emotional repercussions of that. Any chance you have something similar going on?3
A normal reaction would be to apologize, give you the $40 and immediately cancel what ever it was. This is not a normal reaction and it’s very telling of who he is.
Do you want to make a life white someone who won’t even pay you back and then turns the blame onto you?
Please have some self respect and break up with this dude. You sound lovely and you can definitely do better. Having a relationship with a generous partner is where it is at. Someone who wants to take care of you and then you take care of them the same way and you’re both happy and loved.
If its causing you this level of distress then it's really not worth it, block him so he just can't get in contact with you. If all he can do after all this time is send memes, then you're gaining nothing good from these interactions
This.
Turn the page so you can start healing.