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Date: October 9, 2022
It sucks but try not to jump to conclusions, she could be off with you for ANY reason. I know I sometimes avoid talking to my friends purely for the fact I just want to be alone, maybe she’s the same? If she continues being cold with you then I would let her go but for now just wait and sees what happens.
You have to go get grief counseling.
Gay dudes don't kiss girls.
Have you sought out individual therapy?
Put your focus elsewhere and get active. Run, hike, jog, swim, walk, people watch, etc.
You need to get heathy in mind, spirit and body.
I simply don't get why people feel entitled to this level of detail about a lover's past.
Half boxer.
Kate wants something to feel offended by, some people just have a desperate need to be offended, it warms the cockles of their heart. Cosplay is just costumes, most people cosplay as Asian characters and they aren't seen as racist, in fact the opposite. Kate needs this, let her have it, she has nothing else going on in her life right now. Your girlfriend is not changing her appearance to any darker than she usually is, isn't going around with hate speech, isn't trying to hurt people. Personally I'd no longer be friends with Kate because her ability to manipulate a scenario so much to make it racist really isn't the kind of person I want in my life.
You make a great point
i reallly wanna try again… i really do ??but i dont wanna be kept on the hook. ??? i want someone who wants me 100%…
It sounds like you are a hypocrite. You girlfriend is right to be upset with you. You crossed your own boundary and know the hurt it can cause.
Yep, and the fact is, she consented. Pressuring and nagging is not the same as threats, force, or coercion. She could have walked away.
He has zero business being your therapist. I love my partner but there is no way in fucking hell would I ever be comfortable sharing things with them that happened to me. Especially trauma related issues.
It would be highly unethical for your spouse to be your therapist. I don’t think he’d be able to separate you as a patient and his wife. He would be bound by HIPAA and in arguments he could throw it all in your face or once he hears about your issues he may try to say your mentally unstable and he needs to have POA or something.
His reaction to you telling him no is very telling and if he’s a licensed therapist then I’d worry about his actual patients.
Yah, so congratulations on figuring it out in only 6 months. Breaking up over it isn’t silly, it’s necessary. Your therapist should be reported for that comment. He buys his freedom with your servitude and if you think he’s still adorable now and you’re just a bit frustrated, just wait until you’re literally disgusted with him. I know so many women that married “this guy” and it’s the biggest regret of their life, they also had kids with him and now he’s even more useless. So they finally divorced “that guy” and they are single parents that can’t ever get a break because their ex remains so useless they can’t trust him with kids.
You’re my daughters age, she would dump him so fast he wouldn’t see I coming. She knows she’s worth more than being mom to someone like him. Hoe you figure it out before you get pregnant or inertia takes over.
This is the biggest reason women leave marriages. RUN.
If you don’t approve of him talking to your sister, then distance yourself. You’ve already said you disapprove, the most you can do now is either discontinue the friendship or go lower contact with both of them. If you think he’s a bad influence or you think your sister is stealing “your” friends (which you don’t have a claim on them) then do not introduce your sister to your friends. Do not bring them to events she’ll be at, remove her from your social media and private it so she can’t hit them up on the low. But they’re two grown adults, who can make their own decisions on who to converse with.
Info: even 3 years down the line, the situation may be the same as his siblings seem to have genetic issues right? How would time make a difference in having a child? wouldn't the conditions remain similar?
How do you know he will prioritize your kids if the need were to arise?
Well your own partner being bi doesnt mean anyone they live or go out with would also be interested in them, it only means your partner would have the potential to be interested in the roommate. A bi male living with a straight male wouldnt really make you worried.
Or they could just room with people where the partner trusted both of them rather than only one of them. Id have way more issue with my gf living with a guy I dont know than I would a guy I do know and that has never shown interest in her.
If he jumps up to help when you ask, then you've got a winner. I can feel the jealousy from my fellow Redditors as I type this.
OK, I think I just realized what's happening here. Was he always like this? If so, then that is who you married, and (this is going to sound harsh but) you don't have the right to expect him to change. That's not how (healthy) relationships work.
What you can do is focus on your expectation that he should do things without asking. I know you feel this is important for your own mental well being, but the reality is that this type of thinking is a trap.
There will always be something that you don't like about your husband (nobody is perfect). So the question becomes: can you learn to accept and love him the way he is? Because right now you are basically making your love for your husband conditional based on how you think he should be, instead of accepting who he is.
I think that it does become more acceptable the older you get. A 25 year old dating a 15 year old would be objectively wrong. But 55 and 45? I don’t see anything predatory or wrong with that.
However, if you find yourself constantly justifying your dating preferences through this particular rule you should reevaluate things. I just makes you look like a slightly more socially acceptable creep.
honestly, it doesn't smell good.
saturday at lunch or start PM seems the better compromise rest/talk. But in the end, there will be a fuss anyway
Lmfao. There’s always someone lying in wait to just be a bitch ass
I was actually going to suggest the opposite. I was going to suggest a trial separation to give each other some distance and decide what either of you want out of this relationship or even if you still want to be in it. Some time reflecting might do some good. I know long distance can be very stressful and I do wish you both the best.
I think you are on your own. I would do what is best for you and your baby. Stay with those who will help you. You will be ok, you are not responsible for his emotional failings. Don't take him on. He has a mother.
Yeaaah I’m in the same boat as you ? it was like all the little things started piling up from the moment i was turned off
I get that you're scared!
His mom is very likely in immense pain of losing her son and just wants somewhere to direct the blame. I wouldn't interact with her at all, she has her own battle to fight and I think contacting her would just feed her anger.
I doubt that she actually blames you. She just wants to blame someone and you are the closest.
But think of it this way: If she was going to send someone after you, it would be right after it happened when her anger and mourning was the deepest.
Do you have a friend you can stay with? I really don't think she'll come after you but it seems like you could need someone around you until you feel safer.
You need to get your nose out of your son’s marriage before he decides to get you out of his life.
How do I make my boyfriend understand that it's wrong that he doesn't take my needs into consideration and stand up for me when needed?
He has told you they will regularly be staying with him for a few months at a time and he has shown you that he will not stand up to them in any way. I mean good grief he is willing to sleep on the couch for months! Unfortunately you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
If he can't take responsibility for the possible consequences of sex, he shouldn't get any. I'd stop the pill if I was you and only have sex with condom, whether you stop the pill or not. There's other risks than pregnancy.
I want this to be our home and to feel like we are equals in the household
What does he want? It seems like his actions are telling you what he wants: he wants a girlfriend who pays him rent. Not a fiance. Not an equal partner. He wants an out in case you guys don't work out, or a perpetual girlfriend with a financial benefit.
I don't think the financial part of this is at all unfair. If it's his house and you are living there, you owe him rent as long as you are not cohabitating with the intent to marry.
So are you? Intending to marry? Because it makes all the difference here. Either way, when money is involved, I would draw up a contract. It should cover what happens if you break up and what happens if you marry. What if you pay and then he asks for a pre-nup to exclude the house? How would you feel? How would you feel if you opt for your own apartment and then marry and you've lost those months or years of money paid to a stranger?
Don't move in if possible. Find him a new roommate.
Or simply said him down and tell him that you have developed feelings for him and they are romantic and you don't think it would be a good idea to live together.
Baby his reaction showed you that he is cheating. That email hurts so badly right now but in a few months you will be grateful for it, you deserve better
Sounds to me like She’s lost interest and wheter consciously or not, she’s slow fading you out.
Sit her down for an adult conversation on the table. Tell her this isn’t fair to you. Ask her if she’s lost feelings and want to break up or not. Tell her you felt good about the relationship and still see a future. Ask her what she needs in order to move forward and tell her what you need in order to move forward.
If she’s not willing to sit down and talk to you, that’s immature but she might be inequipped to deal with such emotions. (Idk her but judging from what you wrote here.)
Good luck OP
Allowing access to each other's phone is one of the few ways to rebuild trust and was recommended by my ex's and I's therapist.
Suggest counseling and if he refuses that, at least you can say that you made an honest attempt to save your marriage.