It sounds like this is your mom's way of trying to reconcile both of you. Have you talked to your brother about his? Maybe he can back you up and it'll cause your mom to drop it. If this is the first time your mom is trying to force a relationship I see problems ahead. If this is not the first then it sounds like business as usual and you just have to ignore your mom until the day of the event.
You can't make a decision because you don't have enough information – she's hiding something from you because she hasn't explained either change of heart. If you're even to consider taking her back, she needs to respect you enough to be open with you.
The only advice I can give is to honour and accept her decision, whatever it is. If she decides to give you another chance then it is up to you to handle your mental health and not take it out on her or continue to push her away as a reaction to things outside of her control. If she decides she can’t get over you breaking up with her, then it’s still up to you to handle your mental health but also to accept that she has made her decision and you need to respect that. Either way, go to therapy, get medication if needed, and find the things that help you ground and balance yourself so you can deal with your trauma in a way that doesn’t hurt the people around you. I wish you all the best of luck.
You two have so much stress and I get it. The thing is, it's stressful for BOTH of you. How about marriage counseling? Do you have family that could watch the kids maybe twice a month so that you two can enjoy a date night? Maybe even for 24 hrs once a month. Doesn't have to be dinner or a movie. Just hanging out would be wonderful! A night in a cabin, a picnic, something to help you reconnect. Good luck to the two of you OP. I hope that everything works out for you. ❤❤
I get wanting to help your sister, and I also fully understand your girlfriend not wanting to raise your 21 year old sister. Your sister is going to be around for awhile, and basically a dependent. She's going to have to be babysat to get her license, paid for until she gets a diploma and can find work, then continue to be paid for until she can save up to get her own place. This isn't some crash on the couch for a few days thing.
None of that is going to happen quickly…and your girlfriend doesn't want the costs or responsibility.
Wait, I can't figure out how HE embarrassed you. He didn't ask for them, didn't soul crush you by making those points unasked, never brought it up just answered truthfully after you confronted him due to looking at things uninvited. Sweetie, no one embarrassed you but YOU. You could have handled this much more gracefully, and you should appreciate your bf more. He's allowed to not be into something, you want him to trust you. If he were rejecting you bc he found the pics unappealing he would have asked you to stop.
Uh…yeah, that’s literally what the deal is. He doesn’t get to decide whether she terminates the pregnancy because he’s not the one who is pregnant. He does get to decide whether to remain in a relationship with her.
I think you and the siblings who co-own the land should send a group message to her telling her that although your dad with it that you have all chosen to keep it just close family and honor your ancestors. It’s a private, sacred family event.
. But the babies can’t take that much energy from her they can’t even move. I told her that and she has never looked at me with such cold dead eyes before, like she hated me.
here is a thought, why don't you try taking care of the kids for couple days and that way you can wake up to reality and see how exhausting taking care of baby is, only you will be taking care of more than one….good luck, I bet you apologize real quick and start rubbing your wife's feet and being more empathetic. Then again, some older men marry super young women for their bodies and sex, then reality starts to hit in later. I am sure this isnt the case for you
This ones rough. On one hand, it can feel like a betrayal when someone you count on as a friend is interested in you, especially if you have anxiety, because it makes you look back on everything and question if all that kindess had an ulterior motive. On the other hand, if approached the right way, its better to know so you can both figure out where to go. If you absolutely HAVE to tell her or you'll pop, Id reccomend telling her you've started crushing on her recently but have no intentions of acting on it or pursuing her romantically, and if she needs space then youre more than willing to respect that because despite your personal feelings, you deeply value her friendship above all else. And then leave it at that. If you can handle being friends as usual until the crush fades, then go that route.
I forgot to mention she does provide the car I use to get to work and provides housing where rent only costs us 500$ a month. That is how she pulls her weight while studying for the MCAT to get better career aspects.
OP you expressed feeling like the relationship has run its course. Stick to that feeling. He is absolutely abusive and this is definitely one of those things that should not only trigger the red flags but the sirens. You need to get out of this situation.
Do you have someone else to stay with? If I was you I would pack up my stuff while he is away at work and get out before you tell him it's over. Leaving abusers is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.
You'll never know if he is weaponizing his therapy or being genuine. But it really doesn't matter. He is not interested in hearing your concerns and feelings. He is abusive. He had choked you. There is so much more out there for you.
She needs to give you space imo
It sounds like this is your mom's way of trying to reconcile both of you. Have you talked to your brother about his? Maybe he can back you up and it'll cause your mom to drop it. If this is the first time your mom is trying to force a relationship I see problems ahead. If this is not the first then it sounds like business as usual and you just have to ignore your mom until the day of the event.
For real. I can't help but roll my eyes whenever being drunk is used as an excuse for cheating. Maybe don't drink if you're so easily tempted.
Try wasting 15 years and now into your thirties ! 4 years and still in your twenties is called experience.
I’m worried she’d blame me. She’d also cry a lot and involve the siblings (who are too young to be caught up in this.)
I don’t want to be the person who breaks up a whole marriage and even though I know it’s not my fault, this situation is so shitty
Neurological problems
You can't make a decision because you don't have enough information – she's hiding something from you because she hasn't explained either change of heart. If you're even to consider taking her back, she needs to respect you enough to be open with you.
The only advice I can give is to honour and accept her decision, whatever it is. If she decides to give you another chance then it is up to you to handle your mental health and not take it out on her or continue to push her away as a reaction to things outside of her control. If she decides she can’t get over you breaking up with her, then it’s still up to you to handle your mental health but also to accept that she has made her decision and you need to respect that. Either way, go to therapy, get medication if needed, and find the things that help you ground and balance yourself so you can deal with your trauma in a way that doesn’t hurt the people around you. I wish you all the best of luck.
You two have so much stress and I get it. The thing is, it's stressful for BOTH of you. How about marriage counseling? Do you have family that could watch the kids maybe twice a month so that you two can enjoy a date night? Maybe even for 24 hrs once a month. Doesn't have to be dinner or a movie. Just hanging out would be wonderful! A night in a cabin, a picnic, something to help you reconnect. Good luck to the two of you OP. I hope that everything works out for you. ❤❤
I get wanting to help your sister, and I also fully understand your girlfriend not wanting to raise your 21 year old sister. Your sister is going to be around for awhile, and basically a dependent. She's going to have to be babysat to get her license, paid for until she gets a diploma and can find work, then continue to be paid for until she can save up to get her own place. This isn't some crash on the couch for a few days thing.
None of that is going to happen quickly…and your girlfriend doesn't want the costs or responsibility.
That’s normal. My partner is my best friend, who I happen to online with, have sex with, and have had children with.
If he’s not into cyber sex, you can’t force it. If it’s a deal breaker then maybe you should reevaluate the relationship as a whole.
Wait, I can't figure out how HE embarrassed you. He didn't ask for them, didn't soul crush you by making those points unasked, never brought it up just answered truthfully after you confronted him due to looking at things uninvited. Sweetie, no one embarrassed you but YOU. You could have handled this much more gracefully, and you should appreciate your bf more. He's allowed to not be into something, you want him to trust you. If he were rejecting you bc he found the pics unappealing he would have asked you to stop.
Uh…yeah, that’s literally what the deal is. He doesn’t get to decide whether she terminates the pregnancy because he’s not the one who is pregnant. He does get to decide whether to remain in a relationship with her.
And liked it
Hahaha, I thought that was obvious, but yes, /s
This op
I think you and the siblings who co-own the land should send a group message to her telling her that although your dad with it that you have all chosen to keep it just close family and honor your ancestors. It’s a private, sacred family event.
WHAT.
Yep. I read the same thing.
Thank you for answering.
. But the babies can’t take that much energy from her they can’t even move. I told her that and she has never looked at me with such cold dead eyes before, like she hated me.
here is a thought, why don't you try taking care of the kids for couple days and that way you can wake up to reality and see how exhausting taking care of baby is, only you will be taking care of more than one….good luck, I bet you apologize real quick and start rubbing your wife's feet and being more empathetic. Then again, some older men marry super young women for their bodies and sex, then reality starts to hit in later. I am sure this isnt the case for you
She sure is.
You did say she was acting weird on the call, probably didn't feel right to lie to you.
It looks like a joke
This ones rough. On one hand, it can feel like a betrayal when someone you count on as a friend is interested in you, especially if you have anxiety, because it makes you look back on everything and question if all that kindess had an ulterior motive. On the other hand, if approached the right way, its better to know so you can both figure out where to go. If you absolutely HAVE to tell her or you'll pop, Id reccomend telling her you've started crushing on her recently but have no intentions of acting on it or pursuing her romantically, and if she needs space then youre more than willing to respect that because despite your personal feelings, you deeply value her friendship above all else. And then leave it at that. If you can handle being friends as usual until the crush fades, then go that route.
I forgot to mention she does provide the car I use to get to work and provides housing where rent only costs us 500$ a month. That is how she pulls her weight while studying for the MCAT to get better career aspects.
This is the truth.
OP you expressed feeling like the relationship has run its course. Stick to that feeling. He is absolutely abusive and this is definitely one of those things that should not only trigger the red flags but the sirens. You need to get out of this situation.
Do you have someone else to stay with? If I was you I would pack up my stuff while he is away at work and get out before you tell him it's over. Leaving abusers is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.
You'll never know if he is weaponizing his therapy or being genuine. But it really doesn't matter. He is not interested in hearing your concerns and feelings. He is abusive. He had choked you. There is so much more out there for you.
She asked for time and you gave her time. You asked to talk to discuss this issue.
Honestly, I think she is making you stew, Op.
She knows how to reach you when she's had enough time.
I wouldn't reach out to her again.
If she doesn't get back to you in 2-3 days, I'd call it quits.
Oh girl, if he was my friend I'd tell him to break up with you because that just seems like way too much drama down the line.