My brother (35M) cut me (38M) out of his life after I called him out for his wife (29F) making our mom (65F) cry and tell her how much she hated our family. What would you do next?

TLDR

AITA for sticking up for my mom? What would you do next? Here is the background:

I have put up with my brother and his outlandish behaviors for years, mostly for my mom.

My sisters and I used to hide in my Mom’s bedroom as adolescents for hours while he would chase us around the house (he was 8) with a butcher knife, scared for our lives. Don’t be too naked on my mom – our father had just passed that summer. We forgave him.

Eventually he was put in a mental institution for almost killing our next door neighbor (10 year old girl) when he threw a knife at her head. Again, we forgave him and were there for him during the process.

In high school, he brought a gun to school (shortly after Columbine) and put my mom through hell – obviously he was arrested and expelled. We forgave him and were there for him.

A few years later he was locked up for dealing drugs. We forgave him and were there for him.

As an adult, he got intoxicated and broke my foot at my sister’s wedding. We forgave him (albeit on one foot).

One day he got angry (yes you are probably picking up on anger issues) and he called me a fag in my own house in front of my grandparents (outting me to them). We forgave him.

One day several years ago I called my mom to say hi, and she was in tears. I couldn’t make out her words. His wife had apparently yelled at my mom and told her how much she hated our family. There was a list of reasons (which she followed up in a very detailed email). We are fairly certain his wife has BPD. Despite this, we had put up with years of her manipulation and lies and brought her into our family, but this was the last straw. I called my brother and tried to talk to him and he would not listen. The one thing I probably did wrong was say that they should consider counseling, as this was not a healthy environment to raise a child in (in retrospect – not a good move in my part). He told me it was none of my business. Apparently that one phone call was unforgivable despite decades of us being there for him. Interestingly the rest of my family forgave them for those harsh words.

My brother and his wife refuse to introduce me to their children, and when the entire family does get together (if I am invited), I am treated as the outsider (ignored) and no one sticks up for me. I mostly find it hard to move on as my sisters and mom still have a relationship with him and his wife – and since no one sticks up for me it hurts.

I do reach out every year on his birthday, but of course don’t get a response. And no, he hasn’t blocked me.