You weren't wrong in my opinion and I think you should just let her ass go Because she's obviously not interested anymore and she's played you bro and she probably did love you at one point but all the other interactions were just flirtatious interactions
She had a lot done you can barely tell besides her top teeth and farther out than the bottom. Just annoying because I can always tell when we're out she is bothered. she takes it out on me
I'm calling bullsh*t on this one, sorry – no way that 9 days ago she found this out and she already has divorce paperwork written up and submitted to the courthouse. It would take longer than that to get an appointment with a lawyer. You don't divorce someone in a week. ESP if kids are involved.
And Child Support is for the kids, not the adult, and in some states you are legally obligated to pay it regardless of what your property settlement agreement is.
I (26F) think my mom (53F) forced me to get on birth control to sabotage my relationship. (40M) TLDR – I think my mom forced me into using birth control to mess with my hormones and sabotage my relationship. I want to confront her about it.
what do you get out of this? are you that lonely? just stop with this shit
She was being unreasonable. I like being told if my partner is busy and he is still trying to accommodate that, but his job is like yours and he may not get the opportunity to reach out based on current circumstances. I do have issue if he is responding to others during that time and not me, but we have come up with him replying with a heart emoji if he is busy and can’t talk just to let me know he is okay, as his job is very high risk. Is there a way in future to put something like that into place?
Sorry for the long post. But if I had no reason at all to break up with him, that maybe I just wanted a change, would that be a good reason too? Idk what good and bad reasons are to break up with someone. That maybe I’m overthinking or over dramatic us. Good couples work out their issues and no relationship is perfect and maybe I’m asking too much from him. Idk I need some unbiased advice and opinions to put myself in perspective.
It's less the trust and more the lack of need. Why would you be texting the babysitter images, unless it's the kids rash; or where to find the spare key?
Every time I see a post on this sub blaming the other person for literally everything, I know it's the person who wrote it that's the problem. Why don't you tell us the whole story?
To answer the question you asked… no, you don't just travel and see what happens. You tell her you're going to do it and if she ends it, that's her thing.
A couple things that come out as issues to me, that you didn't ask. Being “the man” doesn't mean you have to pay for everything. Unless that's a mutually agreed upon thing in your relationship. Also, you're an adult and it's super controlling to have your gf tell you that you can't travel alone. This doesn't sounds like a sustainable relationship.
talking about how bad of a person she was and that she never wanted to put me in a situation like this. She went on about how she hated herself for hiding all of these years, how her family would treat her like garbage (they are extremely religious
Ah, nice, gotta love when this happens. You're far from the only one in this situation, and you didn't really do anything wrong.
Abusers create abusers, and her cult forced her to be dishonest with you. What it didn't force her to do was continue the act after she got out, and it is a selfish thing to do.
The responsible thing to do on your part would be to end the marriage. You probably can still be best friends, but realize she's not at all socially adjusted and she did create a lot of pain and suffering for you when as a 32 year old woman she definitely could have safely came clean earlier. I don't think you should hate yourself for her choices, and I also don't think you should look at this like you aren't also a major victim of her abusive family.
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I won't simply tell you to end it, because you've gotten enough of that, and you seem hell-bent on ignoring the field full of red flags “because you love her.”
As a 43 year old man who has watched dozens of people go through similar situations (and being someone who has had his own problems with lying as a coping mechanism in the past), this behavior only changes when the individual engaging in that behavior recognizes it as a problem and seeks professional help.
Let me make this clear…YOU CANNOT SAVE, OR STOP, HER. Not by yourself. Not through being a loving, supportive partner. Her issues are far too deep, from the sound of it. You keep trying to find reasons to continue this relationship despite her obvious inability to be truthful, so don't be surprised if you get burned far worse in the future. Because it WILL get worse, as long as she doesn't believe she's in the wrong, which she clearly doesn't.
You know what makes this sad to me? That, in the process of finding reasons to stay, you're going to end up having to lie to yourself to get by. She'll lie about going out with girlfriends, and end up in a hotel alone with some guy, and you'll lie to yourself that there's NO WAY she's actually cheating, there must be some other rational explanation, even when you discover the truth.
I've seen it before. I had a friend who went through this for nearly a decade. Kept convincing himself if he just loved her harder, devoted himself totally to her, that by sheer force of will she would “see the light” and do better by him. She never did. And her daddy issues were not nearly as deep as what you've described here.
You know what happened in the end? He tried to off himself, because he discovered only the oldest of their 4 kids was his. Then he STILL refused to leave her. He was so damaged by the relationship that he believed he would be alone forever if he didn't stay.
Not saying that's your future, just giving you an example of how it could turn out if you keep making excuses to stay despite her behavior.
You make it sound like they would just disappear like Thanos just snapped at them or something?
They will still exist, he’ll still be a loving father and they will still be his very legitimate children (except for the one you spawned through cheating) the only difference between pre and post divorce for him is that he doesn’t have to share the bed with a cheater and liar that is trying to turn him against his family which is trying to protect him.
Monster. Like you said “god knows the truth” and he’s historically not been very kind on liars or adulterers lol
Unfortunately most abusers take some time to truly show themselves. You wouldn’t have stayed with him or fallen in love if he had been like this at the beginning.
Is it possible your “cute little jokes” are not as light hearted and sweet as you think? What this sounds like is you intentionally say something digging at her and then try to tell her that her reaction is her fault. Do you take ownership of any of your negative behavior? Going to your cooking example, why are you questioning her on something useful or she enjoys? She had a plan she was happy with and you tried to tell her she didn't need to do that. Why not just cheerily say, “oh? What are you going to make?” That shows support for her decision and doesn't give your opinion before she has even had a chance to explain.
You may pride yourself on your emotional regulation, but making cute little semi-jokes all the time is just as immature. We all have things to learn about relationships at this age. If your jokes are upsetting her, then they are not funny, not appropriate, and not playful. In all your mindful wisdom, maybe you need to really look at your behavior.
The problem with using it with a dog is that they work by being detected by people's cell phones, which then report in. If your runaway dog doesn't come near someone with a phone, it won't help.
Im sorry but your sister is not smart. You were taken advantage of. Listen to us: this girl SA’d you and/or manipulated you into a relationship. LEAVE. LEAVE.
I haven’t done anything like that with her. Photos were the full extent of that type of stuff.
You weren't wrong in my opinion and I think you should just let her ass go Because she's obviously not interested anymore and she's played you bro and she probably did love you at one point but all the other interactions were just flirtatious interactions
She had a lot done you can barely tell besides her top teeth and farther out than the bottom. Just annoying because I can always tell when we're out she is bothered. she takes it out on me
I'm calling bullsh*t on this one, sorry – no way that 9 days ago she found this out and she already has divorce paperwork written up and submitted to the courthouse. It would take longer than that to get an appointment with a lawyer. You don't divorce someone in a week. ESP if kids are involved.
And Child Support is for the kids, not the adult, and in some states you are legally obligated to pay it regardless of what your property settlement agreement is.
Hey troll, knock this shit off
/r/relationship_advice /u/throwRAhugeungus 12/5/2022, 10:09:12 PM
I (26F) think my mom (53F) forced me to get on birth control to sabotage my relationship. (40M) TLDR – I think my mom forced me into using birth control to mess with my hormones and sabotage my relationship. I want to confront her about it.
what do you get out of this? are you that lonely? just stop with this shit
This is who he is. It doesn’t seem like a good fit.
She was being unreasonable. I like being told if my partner is busy and he is still trying to accommodate that, but his job is like yours and he may not get the opportunity to reach out based on current circumstances. I do have issue if he is responding to others during that time and not me, but we have come up with him replying with a heart emoji if he is busy and can’t talk just to let me know he is okay, as his job is very high risk. Is there a way in future to put something like that into place?
Sorry for the long post. But if I had no reason at all to break up with him, that maybe I just wanted a change, would that be a good reason too? Idk what good and bad reasons are to break up with someone. That maybe I’m overthinking or over dramatic us. Good couples work out their issues and no relationship is perfect and maybe I’m asking too much from him. Idk I need some unbiased advice and opinions to put myself in perspective.
It's less the trust and more the lack of need. Why would you be texting the babysitter images, unless it's the kids rash; or where to find the spare key?
I'm just gonna give you a number: If you get married again before you're 27, something's gone wrong.
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Every time I see a post on this sub blaming the other person for literally everything, I know it's the person who wrote it that's the problem. Why don't you tell us the whole story?
To answer the question you asked… no, you don't just travel and see what happens. You tell her you're going to do it and if she ends it, that's her thing.
A couple things that come out as issues to me, that you didn't ask. Being “the man” doesn't mean you have to pay for everything. Unless that's a mutually agreed upon thing in your relationship. Also, you're an adult and it's super controlling to have your gf tell you that you can't travel alone. This doesn't sounds like a sustainable relationship.
So even if I’m braking a lot or something he shouldn’t be critiquing me? He says he feels like I’m putting us in danger
My fiancé adopted a puppy about the same age. She was a stray. The puppy ran away from him and hid in the corner the first time he took his belt off.
talking about how bad of a person she was and that she never wanted to put me in a situation like this. She went on about how she hated herself for hiding all of these years, how her family would treat her like garbage (they are extremely religious
Ah, nice, gotta love when this happens. You're far from the only one in this situation, and you didn't really do anything wrong.
Abusers create abusers, and her cult forced her to be dishonest with you. What it didn't force her to do was continue the act after she got out, and it is a selfish thing to do.
The responsible thing to do on your part would be to end the marriage. You probably can still be best friends, but realize she's not at all socially adjusted and she did create a lot of pain and suffering for you when as a 32 year old woman she definitely could have safely came clean earlier. I don't think you should hate yourself for her choices, and I also don't think you should look at this like you aren't also a major victim of her abusive family.
Some people would disagree
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That is indeed what I meant.
I won't simply tell you to end it, because you've gotten enough of that, and you seem hell-bent on ignoring the field full of red flags “because you love her.”
As a 43 year old man who has watched dozens of people go through similar situations (and being someone who has had his own problems with lying as a coping mechanism in the past), this behavior only changes when the individual engaging in that behavior recognizes it as a problem and seeks professional help.
Let me make this clear…YOU CANNOT SAVE, OR STOP, HER. Not by yourself. Not through being a loving, supportive partner. Her issues are far too deep, from the sound of it. You keep trying to find reasons to continue this relationship despite her obvious inability to be truthful, so don't be surprised if you get burned far worse in the future. Because it WILL get worse, as long as she doesn't believe she's in the wrong, which she clearly doesn't.
You know what makes this sad to me? That, in the process of finding reasons to stay, you're going to end up having to lie to yourself to get by. She'll lie about going out with girlfriends, and end up in a hotel alone with some guy, and you'll lie to yourself that there's NO WAY she's actually cheating, there must be some other rational explanation, even when you discover the truth.
I've seen it before. I had a friend who went through this for nearly a decade. Kept convincing himself if he just loved her harder, devoted himself totally to her, that by sheer force of will she would “see the light” and do better by him. She never did. And her daddy issues were not nearly as deep as what you've described here.
You know what happened in the end? He tried to off himself, because he discovered only the oldest of their 4 kids was his. Then he STILL refused to leave her. He was so damaged by the relationship that he believed he would be alone forever if he didn't stay.
Not saying that's your future, just giving you an example of how it could turn out if you keep making excuses to stay despite her behavior.
But you can see how it seems suspicious though right?
You make it sound like they would just disappear like Thanos just snapped at them or something?
They will still exist, he’ll still be a loving father and they will still be his very legitimate children (except for the one you spawned through cheating) the only difference between pre and post divorce for him is that he doesn’t have to share the bed with a cheater and liar that is trying to turn him against his family which is trying to protect him.
Monster. Like you said “god knows the truth” and he’s historically not been very kind on liars or adulterers lol
Shif bait is shit OP.
You don’t need to apologize, you aren’t ranting.
Unfortunately most abusers take some time to truly show themselves. You wouldn’t have stayed with him or fallen in love if he had been like this at the beginning.
Yes, she should know how immature you are so she doesn’t waste anymore time. You should mutually break up, you need to figure yourself out first.
Is it possible your “cute little jokes” are not as light hearted and sweet as you think? What this sounds like is you intentionally say something digging at her and then try to tell her that her reaction is her fault. Do you take ownership of any of your negative behavior? Going to your cooking example, why are you questioning her on something useful or she enjoys? She had a plan she was happy with and you tried to tell her she didn't need to do that. Why not just cheerily say, “oh? What are you going to make?” That shows support for her decision and doesn't give your opinion before she has even had a chance to explain.
You may pride yourself on your emotional regulation, but making cute little semi-jokes all the time is just as immature. We all have things to learn about relationships at this age. If your jokes are upsetting her, then they are not funny, not appropriate, and not playful. In all your mindful wisdom, maybe you need to really look at your behavior.
Society ?
It’s because they think each other are sweet and they want to eat each other.
Maybe they have already.
At best they are flirting, at worst they are heading for an affair.
Ask him if he feels that having a LDR is enough for him.
Ask if the amount he sees you is emotionally fulfilling enough for him.
Ask him if the amount of sex you guys have is enough for him.
Because it doesn’t sound like it is.
That’s a satisfying update 🙂
The problem with using it with a dog is that they work by being detected by people's cell phones, which then report in. If your runaway dog doesn't come near someone with a phone, it won't help.
First off I’m a 17 year old girl and NO WHERE in the post did she ever say she talked to him about it until she edited it.
Gross. “Boys being boys” is such a disgusting, outdated, bullshit excuse for men who are behaving like worthless slime.
Im sorry but your sister is not smart. You were taken advantage of. Listen to us: this girl SA’d you and/or manipulated you into a relationship. LEAVE. LEAVE.
Jesus Christ you go after her because you’re an asshole who can’t read.
OP, ignore this idiot, he’s angry because he’s a miserable and bitter man.