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Date: October 12, 2022
So is it fair to say that she can do whatever she wants but you have to do what she says. Just curious, because it sounds like she manipulated the situation so she could go alone and you end up feeling guilty.
Who broke this dudes heart?
Call a lawyer and prepare divorce papers Find a new place. Go with the divorce Never have contact again. Enjoy not having to see his ugly face anymore
Yeah this is something that definitely needed to be discussed prior.
My case – my partner and I are both bi.. We have a semi-open relationship in theory, rarely in practice. We have been together for 8 years. During those 8 years, he has had 3 hook-ups with a male friend. However, he always asks me beforehand and I have veto power. It is never sneaky and I am ALWAYS THE PRIORITY.
I have the same freedom. I haven't exercised it aside from 2 experiences with him and another person. 99% of the time we are a monogamous couple- but when we aren't, I am always the one with final say. Your boyfriend didn't consider your feelings at all, or even give you the opportunity to discuss it. He just lied. That is very hot to get past
And what is her behavior on these benders? You said she refuses help, but what does that look like? Also, does she go off her medication?
I would agree
Damn your gf sounds cool af
find a mentally stable person to date, man. your s/o sounds stupid and abusive.
Lol, as if you can't pack condoms for your trip.
He fell in love with another woman while still dating his poor ex and then immediately got together with her. That is textbook emotional cheating.
Your wife knows you sit on Reddit jerking it to randos.
trust me, if you’ve only been dating for three months, have already considered dumping him, have all these major incompatibilities, think he’s unattractive and have nothing in common, you’re gonna wanna split
Ik and I don’t wanna overreact
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I don’t think there’s a real answer here, it’s just up to you if you want to pursue this.
If for instance you’re looking for something long term and don’t have faith in him then just don’t go there.
If you think he’s here to rock your socks then go for it
You sound rude and insecure af
I hate him. He is an awful monster and you NEED to leave him. I hate him. That is awful, how could he do that to you? Are you safe and okay? I do not like this man and he shouldn’t have touched you.
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Even of he was her age her behaviour is wrong
He is married or she is his GF. Come on. He is almost 10 years older.
I would have never dated someone who's roommate is the ex girlfriend. Come on! First, it's obviously a lie. Second, if it's actually true, it means they are still codependent and not ready to date others.. who the fuck lives with an ex BY CHOICE?
You should have stopped seeing when he told you. He probably cheats and you were naive enough to fall for his dumb reason.
If he's telling you the truth, you have no business interjecting yourself into his last days when he's made it clear he doesn't want you there. Harsh, but true. You say you were sure you were going to face this together, but I see no indication that he gave you any false hope on this front, and in fact was trying to get you to go from the beginning. Just because you want something, doesn't mean you get to have it. Making this time worse for him than it would otherwise be is an unconscionable act.
I personally think it would be so much fun. I wish my gf was ok with it but I've suggested it before and she didn't seem thrilled.
How did I know it was going to be a doodle. Ugh
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Would you be able to have your dad there digitally?
Not sure how tech savvy he is, but it would be an option other than choosing “his side or yours”. That way he would still be in on the festivities in some way.
first off, i want to thank you for trying to help, it really means a lot to know that someone cares.
now, i have had a brief conversation with him about this. i told him why sex is important to me and while he's happy that i love him so much and i seek that type of connection with him, he still feels deep guilt around the subject. we have talked about the future, he's serious about our relationship and he does think about marriage even now. he told me that i wouldn't have to convert to his “religion” to be with him, and i appreciate that. i should however try to have a long, open heart conversation about the matter. i will let you know.
i can't thank you enough, really.
I understand you can’t meet her parents, can you meet her sibling and their partners who may have converted.
If you like Joe, and Joe is going to be there, take a little risk and ask Joe if he’d like to get [lunch, coffee, dinner] sometime. I get it that it is very hot as an introvert. My wife literally practiced calling me to ask me out for half a day before making the call. 28 years later, here we are!
You know this isn’t a good idea. Stop trying to get validation from strangers so you can feel okay doing this.
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Run. Flee.
The content in the wall yes
I think you need to wait for him to text and then clearly explain how this makes you very uncomfortable.
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What's the point of having a friend that you have to keep your guard up around? He doesn't respect you or your relationship.
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PLEASE DO THIS, OP.
I’m sure I can speak on behalf of at least most of us here when I say, please dear god do this and post an update. Please??! ?
It’s because they are “compatible in every other way”!
(No clue how, since OP doesn’t mention the hundreds of ways they are apparently compatible)
It's not that you're a villain. You do appear to feel competition with your dad's girlfriend. It's that the way you're approaching this is going to lead to nothing good. You're pissed, we get that. But, unfortunately, your dad is asking you to be the adult in the situation when you're the youngest person there.
But, there are going to be many times in your adult life that you have to play nice to someone. It sucks. They suck. But just remember that if you continue with this approach, you're the one whose going to be left out. Which would suck less?
Tell your dad that you love him, you want the very best for him. So you will be nicer to his girlfriend. Then ask them to have a sitdown conversation about their expectations. And ask them to hear you out too. That way your dad is privy to whatever his girlfriend says she wants. This might be the right time to ask about your dad's wishes when his girlfriend asks you to do tasks around the house. You can't be snarky because this won't work if you're throwing eye daggers at her.
Look, this situation sounds terrible but you're using the wrong roadmap. Let's say you've lived in New York your whole life. You know how to navigate and be good at reading the roadmap for New York. But then something shifts and you unwillingly have to move to New Jersey. You don't want to be there so you continue to try to make the New York map work. But it won't work. So get your bearings and start navigating for what IS happening (New Jersey) not what you want to happen (New York). I'm sorry you have to do that. I hope that relationship burns out soon.
Sounds like you wanna cheat with permission, let the poor guy find someone loyal.
kinda sounds like your boyfriend bullied the trans kid!
though i am extremely curious: what do you mean asked for advice? how did those conversations go? i played a high school sport on a team that won the state championship in 2005, and this never happened
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OP, this sounds like something my ex from high school to early 20s would've written word for word. There is so much growing that happens at this age, that honestly she probably grew up and grew apart and realized you were not what she wanted her life to be. There's nothing superficial about dumping uou because she doesn't love you, superficial would be breaking up with you because she hates your haircut or facial hair.
Women tend to be done relationships for a while prior to a breakup, so you are likely on different time lines for the breakup. I was over my relationship about 4 months before I managed to cut it off, bit I waited because it was never the right time. It was Christmas and then it wad our anniversary and then we had a trip so I couldn't end it and ruin those things so I waited. If you had a trip planned right before honestly she could've been holding out as well.
Don't negotiate changing yourself for a relationship, that'll just make everyone more miserable. Let them take you as you are or not at all. Find your own identity alone and be happy with it.
And stop trying to reach out, it feels like it helps but all it does it prolong the hurt, and it isn't making it more likely that she'll take you back if that's your hope. Every time my ex texted me after we broke up it just made me more sure of my decisions.
You're upset with your boyfriend because of dreams you've had about him cheating, not him actually cheating, yes? Can you see how frustrating that would be for him and why he thinks you're probably not mature enough to see a future with?
I'd say break up and take time to work on yourself and mature. Relationships shouldn't be this very hot.
So you think she should support you by going to something she doesn't care about and didn't want to do for someone who isn't even her partner but you don't support her by letting her make her own decisions about what is important to her?
Not gonna lie but you sound like an immature, insufferable, ass. I wouldn't want to go to a chip ceremony even if it was my chip ceremony.
You don’t. Dating presents challenges such as this (albeit yours is more challenging than most) to determine whether your partner actually is you life partner. I’m not trying to downplay your relationship, but you guys have been together for less than a year. And he’s been shit to you for about a quarter of it. Ditch him.
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This is someone who I saw the rest of my life with and I'd hate to think that I let my emotions get the best of me at the cost of our relationship.
Thats exactly what you did do and it has caused a massive rift that can't be fixed with an apology. You need to recognise that you need professional help and you need to think about him. It's not healthy for him to be with you at this point. He knows this. He's at breaking point now.
Seek help so you can develop ways to aid you when you don't feel great and have a support system in place. At that point when you are stable and have been for a while you can start thinking about dating. But right now relationships are dangerous for both people.
To be honest, if it’s that very hot of a decision you should probably break up.
This relationship is dangerously unhealthy.
You’re 24 girl you’re young get out now. Value yourself more.
My fiancé cheated on me we were together for 6 years knew each other 10. It was very hot moving on but I did it.
He came back because his plans didn’t pan out.
Either way the guy doesn’t truly care about you.
You don’t have a brake with someone.You either solve your problems together or you split.
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You seem to be looking at this situation from a very level-headed perspective. I don’t think you need any advice at all here, bc you’re already acknowledging any and everything about which I would express concern.
I hope you can trust your instincts and act accordingly, and lean on friends and family for support
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Since it’s the holidays, she might be around family and would prefer privacy when reading/answering your messages. I know when I was that age, reading a text from my crush would make me smile a specific way and have my parents/brothers/whoever making embarrassing comments to me. Perhaps she’s just trying to avoid something like that. Sounds like she’s into you, so I wouldn’t overthink it if you can help it 🙂
Just because he lovebombs you on special occasions doesn’t excuse the fact that he is manipulative ??
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I didn’t say the latter. I said “if this one particular thing were to never change, I don’t know if I could stay”. If my husband said that to me, I wouldn’t assume he wanted a divorce.
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Jesus I hope this is fake. Hopefully she bails and finds a partner who actually listens to what she says.
If this is something you want, you need to say so. But you also have to remember the dude is running a business.
He really showed you respect when he let go of you immediately.
I wonder if you should take some self defense classes, if this is what is bothering you, that you actually thought you could win over your boyfriend? There are good techniques you could learn. I did Kyokushin karate for 10 years and also jujutsu. It is always good as a woman to know how to defend yourself. Then you can stop this pretend playfighting, and instead practice with your boyfriend. You will also learn, or train to act in a situation were you now froze and that will give you more psychological power.
I don't know him so I can't say for sure but I feel like he either doesn't care to get to know you deeper/isn't a curious person at all; does care, but SUCKS at conversation; or is SO emotionally closed off that he needs you to do all the heavy lifting. Maybe he can only express himself sexually, do you feel cared for during sex? Regardless, whatever his problem is… lack of meaningful conversation is a relationship killer.
You gotta bring it up. I'd be like, “hey, can we talk? I've noticed in our conversations lately you don't really ask me any questions or carry the conversation. It makes me feel like things are one-sided between us. It would really mean a lot to me if you would try to ask me some questions about myself more often.”
But honestly? If you have that convo and you don't see a change soon (like within a month or so), he may never change. And if this is something you need from a person (which is super normal), he might not be your guy.
You found out. Don't fuck around.
Playfighting is bad.
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You are an abusive narcissist.
You can't say who your ex and your friend get to have sex with. You do get to decide if you want to keep them around if they do it.
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Don't die for nyash
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Then he should find a partner that has those priorities, instead of harming his depressed gf that is already having a tough time and might have mental health more as a priority right now than physical health. And if she is doing nothing to handle her depression and only keeps drinking, that really sucks and it is okay to step out if he can't support anymore. But it is kind of stupid he doesn't recognize that someone with depression might not prioritise and choose his lifestyle, when she made it very clear he needs to stop.
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Of course it was cheating. Alcohol just greased the gears. It allowed him to do the thing he wanted to do in the first place but was too inhibited. I’m not sure guys who are very drunk can even maintain an erection if they aren’t really into it. There’s even a name for it, “Whisky Dick”.
Sounds like she's just given up and has accepted obesity. That's her choice. I wouldn't play along if I were you.
Just trying to help you. Best of luck.
If you love another person, you don't just draw a line in your head of XXkg and if they cross it you just pack up and leave. You TALK to your partner, you let them know the issues you see, you keep them informed of your own state and perspective of the relationship. There is nagging someone and shaming them for their body, which is not okay, and then there is letting your partner know that the relationship is currently NOT going in the right direction, and that you will leave if there is no change in course. It is perfectly reasonable to have a conversation on whether the changes in one or both partners are in line with what the other person is happy with/can accept/is willing to compromise on.
She may be well aware of her weight gain, but is she aware that he will leave her if she can't get it under control? This needs to be talked about. You don't just let it stew inside to fester into resentment.
Also, the only reason why so many people say this discussion is not okay is because they are insecure about their bodies. Insecurity is a “you” problem, not a “your partner” problem. Go to therapy if you cannot even have a basic conversation about your own health and body. Even your doctor needs you to be able to have that conversation.
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These people you call “friends” are obviously not your friends. Friends don’t pressure other friends into doing things that they don’t feel comfortable doing like strip truth or dare. Let alone the actual sexual assault they committed together on you.
Your partner obviously doesn’t know or doesn’t care that this act was done non consensually and because of that I think your partner doesn’t care about you in that way. If my partner had the same happen to her I would upset but not with her, with the people who pressured her to be in such a position.
These people need to be reported to the police. They obviously forced themselves onto you when you were to intoxicated to deny, and they remember all the details that you do not so both of them were not as drunk as you were. In my country this is rape.
Let your partner leave. It’s very obvious he does care about you and only cares about others perception of him. Maybe someday he will understand what he has done wrong maybe he won’t. That’s not your decision and theirs nothing you can do other than process your emotions and trauma this event has obviously caused.
Good luck and I’m sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves this.
What a dick lol. Leave his ungrateful ass
Oh yikes. I did not read that one!
Why are you still with this woman?
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My thought is that the old coworker messaged your bf with some big lies (maybe explicit details of the sex you had or even nudes you may have sent?) and instead of checking with you to see if the stories were true your bf ghosted and broke up with you.
Thank you hahaha
If she enjoyed gaming with you and games all the time how, who and when would the household chores be done?
I do have lots of friends and family that support me. Financially though, not so much. He pays the mortgage, and we split the bills while i buy the food.. Unfortunately I live in a state that is the most expensive to on-line. We're talking 1100 to 1200 a month one bedroom, nothing included. It's virtually impossible to survive on your own. Not to mention my kids (17f and 18m) my ex husband and I get along pretty well but we do fully support them on our own.
I'll have to just keep my mouth shut and somehow find a way to save money each week. But honestly it's going to take a lot of time to save… say… 2200 first and last. I do have a small nest egg but Christmas has kind of dwindled that down to zilch. This was maybe the worst time this could've possibly happened.
While you're on your trial separation, get a lawyer and have everything in order
So…you are annoyed by her been overly emotional, she fixed the problem and still you find ways to complain? Wth.
I'm praying you are parked…
I hate liars and she does it a fair bit when storytelling.
Every time I bring up something she takes as a critique she begins crying and it's a manipulative way to get me to stop talking about whatever's bothering me.
There’s clearly a pattern going on here.
It was still bothering me however after everyone went home and I brought it up again to which she told me that we'd already talked about it, and she didn't need me to correct her in front of her friends.
She shut him down immediately and wouldn’t allow him to communicate his concerns. Adds to the behaviour.
Well you've also hit the wall, you aren't 25 anymore, so don't be hating so much on that beer belly he has.
You want to try that again? This time with logic.
I’ve tried that many times, she won’t stop.
Dude start watching porn again
r/AITA
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Except he couldn't even use Khan Academy
Maybe remind him that “women dress to impress other women” is the age old adage in the fashion industry. But also know that people in relationships still have eyes and still “check out” other people. That too is a reliable chestnut that doesn't change no matter how societal norms might want it to. If you both respect and trust each other it shouldn't matter how you dress or how many other girls he's looking at.
This is a photo of a hookup he said that they stopped talking. Well that was a lie. I had a feeling bc he mentioned her out of nowhere, that they weren’t talking. I found out they still were. He said that inappropriate message was for me, but that night he ignored me video chat. He didn’t have his kids, maybe he was looking to hookup with her? Also found out she tried following him on Instagram. She tried contacting him again for advice but he blocked her. I think he unlocked her bc the contact had her name.
There is a way to be into horror movies and get tattoos related to them that are not completely fucked up torture scenes. This guy is disturbed even without the misogyny, but the misogyny definitely makes it much worse. That's who he wants to advertise himself as since he's getting it on publicly visible areas.
So he sexually assaulted you to boot? Why are you still dating him? Break it off- IMMEDIATELY.
I don’t know if this helps, but I’ve been married for 10 years and I see the “I’m not sure if we’re right together but I can’t imagine my life without them” thing a few times, and I feel like it’s kind of shitty advice? Like if you’re around anybody for long enough of course you can’t imagine life without them, that’s just habit.
For me the way I know my husband is right for me is that I CAN imagine life without him – it just fucking sucks. It’s an absolute wasteland, I’d literally just be staying alive for my child. I can picture a different life without him, and even if I met somebody else wonderful and amazing it still feels like it could only ever be a cheap imitation of how my life is with him as my partner. So if you weren’t with this woman, what would your life actually look like? What’s the best case scenario you can imagine, and how does it compare to the reality you have with her in the present?
I don’t think you should marry her ONLY because you’re afraid to lose her. But you also need to understand that all relationships have some level of incompatibility, even if they’re very minor – what matters is how you work through them. It sounds like you’ve both done a lot of work so far to get better at being partners; clearly you both have the ability and willingness to work on yourselves and on your relationship. I always say that even when my husband and I aren’t super in romantic love (which ebbs and flows with the stress of life) we always make a great team. I think that’s actually a better predictor of your future than whether you desperately “want” to marry her by emotional standards that don’t seem to apply to you.
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Instead of being with someone you need to change, find someone who already shows affection freely. It is healthy and normal to show affection and have emotional closeness with those you love. If he was raised in a family that never showed affection, and that's how he thinks it should be -let him go find his people.
You're not married. You're still young. Find someone who ticks YOUR boxes.
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Send Marge the bill for that gift and tell her unless she never wants to see any of you again, she will absolutely pay for the gift she STOLE from your child.
Yeah. Not everyone has a mental illness. In this case it's literally his mother and him allowing her to be a bitch to his wife. I bet she's been a bitch to everyone he's dated. Every gf was competition. My late mil was the same way. Total bitch to me and my former sister-in-law. We were competition. We took her sons away from her.
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If this happened before you got with him, you knew about her and their friendship, they didn't sleep together, became friends when no spark occurred, and his tinder is deleted, I think you can relax a bit. However, you should talk about your insecurities in social settings. Let him know you need his reassurance to boost your confidence.
This crazy 3 years ago you were 16 , you dating s predator send you in a house with one too wtf
There's plenty of other women out there. She's getting scammed multiple times and sure she may be a lovely person but not the right person to be in a relationship with at all.
A few months?! Holy shit
And Taylor Swift will never know of your existence.
I’ve done quite a bit of “you make me so incredibly happy” “the things you make me feel” I even went so far as to say something along the lines of “…but I can’t say the words I want to say until you do!” (I know pathetic) But the later was over text so I don’t expect him to say it over text for the first time. But your wording is great ! Thank you for the advice!
Exactly, but i feel like I need him to admit it to me.
Honestly I’m struggling to find fault with her
Sounds like your relationship died a while ago during your drug abuse and she’s staying because she cares for you and doesn’t want to leave you during your recovery for fear of you relapsing
Y’all need couple and individual therapy
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I just want to comment to say you shouldn’t ever believe what he said a out you not being in his league. He has clearly demonstrated he is a net drain on anyone he partners with who is not also an abusive asshole. It doesn’t matter what he looks like or earns, both of those things are temporary and can be lost in a moment. Character stays with you for life. You are clearly way out of his league because of your caring nature and good character. Well done for walking away at the first sign of this. You are doing your self esteem and future a great service and I’m sure you have a bright future ahead.
Why is it more important to follow instagram models than to support your wife?
My husband fell asleep and woke up to our gay friend fondling my husband’s penis through his underwear. The friend had pulled my husband’s pants down while he was sleeping.
Words along the lines of 'It is my understanding that you sexually assaulted my husband and obviously we won't be talking again.'
Dang, that's a good point. It did seem like symptoms of being drugged (weakened motor coordination) since he wasn't wasted yet fell down.
Go with him to get tested.
Your husband is lying to you, and he’s cheated on you.
Luckily, you’re pregnant, so you’ve got months of regular STI tests in your future whether you want them or not (the nurses and doctors don’t care what your husband says, they don’t trust him and you’re getting those tests anyway so your baby doesn’t go blind or die).
You can’t force him to tell you the truth. Compulsive liars are usually anxious avoidant people, so he’ll just dodge conversations and avoid you until you give in and stop asking. If you can pin him down long enough, I’d try “So, it turns out false negatives and false positives for chlamydia aren’t really a thing. That means I do have chlamydia now, and I didn’t have chlamydia 5 years ago. How many times have you had sex with other people in the past 5 years?”
Contact the woman again and say you're sorry for your husband's terrible behavior but you'd love to take the job.
Tell your husband to get fucked. ?
Yes! Especially for a 95lb lady like myself. It just doesn't work ?
We have known each other for 10 years. I was 13 then, he was 21
EW
yes that’s the thing he does make me feel special, he always compliments me, makes me feel good, when we are together I feel good but it has been 8 months that’s we haven’t seen eachother and it is always because of me we’ve seen eachotjer cause I’m the one driving to see him
same. been vegan for well over a decade and have also had an abortion, and would again if i had to. i don't understand OP'S implication whatsoever, but she better fucking run if he has funny ideas about birth control or a woman's place ??
My pitbull prevented an attempted break in just by standing in the window, he didn’t even use his big boy voice or anything, I was really surprised watching the camera footage.
Thank you, happy new year!
lmao you don't want advice, you just want some validation from the strangers. Also you sound like a narcissist.
That is always so very hot and I totally get wanting a neutral opinion on it. But of all the perfectness, if you cannot trust your partner 100% there’s always going to be that seed of doubt/suspicion that is going to erode any good foundation that has been set.
Everyone is different and has different priorities, but if I were in another relationship and anything happened that questioned if I could trust my partner or not it’s game over.
Because you can find someone just as perfect that you can trust.
i appreciate the advice. I’m definitely going to think about this more before making any decisions
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He's gaslighting you…. Claims you are selfish for wanting foreplay, even though he's the one that only cares about his pleasure….
Why would you want to stay with a guy that treats you like that?
Break your lease or find someone to take over your lease and move on.
I'm not gonna waste my time arguing about the ethics of abortion.
Me(33m): Hey, what if I told you I liked you better with makeup?
Gf(37): Are you gonna buy it for me? please?
Me: Goddamn it, this is hypothetical.
It is a good idea to have people in relationships share costs. I will say though that it makes more sense for you to split the cost of what he pays rather than have him charge you some amount. This is especially the case in which he owns a house and you don't have any formal affiliation with it.
OP. Listen to your gut. It never steers you wrong. It may not seem logical right now, but hindsight is 2020.
I'm sorry youre going thru this. My inbox is always open if you need advice or someone to vent to thats not biased. Best wishes
There’s a lot that I haven’t spoke about in regards to him, and why I don’t want it to happen, but the courts will more than likely side with me.
Relationships have inherent boundaries and expectations built into them. I would not consider expecting the SO abiding by these to be considered insecurities.
You yourself felt intimacy in that dance, and the girl felt it and responded too. Clearly, there was a boundary crossed.
Own up to it, and don't blame shift on the girlfriend calling her insecure.
This hadn’t crossed my mind, thank you!
B is yellow.
A is just awful, but certainly not yellow.
Get. It. Together. You have a problem.
It’s either a deal breaker or not.
Anything else is just unfair to you both. Don’t invest more time if it is.
I'm sorry, that's a shit place to be in. I think you should end this relationship imo. You're 26, I assume relatively successful, and very clearly being weighed down by problems that are manifesting so intensely that you needed space from him.
I agree that exclusivity shouldn't have needed to have been a discussion. You were together and he did not make that clear. He embarassed you in front of all of your friends by being unfaithful and putting himself in a position to cheat.
You deserve and can do better. I left mine at 27 and it's one of the best decisions I could have made for myself. Got a new faithful man now.
but even if she does what business is it of OP how her SIL spends her own money?
Me personally would ban the show, if it’s causing him to act out so much.
The biggest red flag I’ve ever heard about wtf! Hit the roll and don’t come back no more!
I think watching gay porn and sexting with guys is pretty gay (or bi or pan)
How many times are you going to spam this
It's not simply just that, even if I did it's not that easy to have her over given the fact that we live in an oppressive country who would be more than happy to get you in prison for that, it'll be much easier yes, but still not the core problem.
Your relationship ended when he asked that question. Now you are just waiting for it to be official.
Has he considered not being shit in bed? 🙂
my glass house? haha I don't think you know how that expression works troll.
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You already have a lawyer so he can make sure she gets nothing, especially after a 4 month marriage. Put your jewelry in a safe deposit box so they can’t break in and steal it and anything else that’s valuable. Have cameras in and out of your house. I know you are hurt and embarrassed now, but your attorneys is your best friend in this situation.
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Sex is great. Just times he wants to receive oral with out sex he wont reciprocate. I do enjoy giving him oral but the problem is i get turned on and then i’m frustrated after because he wont reciprocate.
I've gone through a bunch of your comments and the trend is you either inciting people to end their relationships or irrationally telling everyone asking for advice they're wrong. Either you're a troll or you're trying to make everyone as unhappy as you clearly are.
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You’re joking right? She’s literally asking you to wait on her while she goes out and fulfills her dreams, and explicitly told you she doesn’t want you along for the ride. Let that soak in.
thank you❤️
Thank you. I will consider it. I have my flat and right now she and her daughter is living there. My friend will come tomorrow and help me take out the trash… thank you.
I understood your point
Tell him what if one of these young girls are his child from long ago thrist?..
You leave, and try to remember that her decision if she makes it to end herself, is not your fault, not your responsibility. it is her attempt at manipulating you.
Yep! 100% fake post
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Yes ofc! But I’m just surprised that he has gotten a ton of blowjobs by now!
Your boyfriend sounds extremely insecure and toxic. Let him stay an ex and find someone better. All this over the top drama for what?
Ask if he'd get penis enlargement surgery using his exact words with a mental 'find & replace' then judge the reaction.
Sounds about right. Frontwards, backwards, then inside out and repeat.
Why tried taking him to a psychiatrist he wouldn't come. He would trash things at home saying he is not a pyscho. And we are scared to call cops because he might do something to my parents.
Did you not accompany her to the ER?
Put your big girl pants on and say NO
If you know that you behave bad when drinking, the really smart thing to do is, to not drink.
So he does not want to argue about it anymore. Ofc you need to proove that you will control yourself. Just saying so is not worth that much. Just let your actions speak from now on and just don't drink. You can have a perfectly fine and happy life without ever drinking alcohol.
So let it go for now and stop drinking and just go on with your normal life. If he is still distant in 3-4 weeks even though you behaved you should talk to him again about being cold and distant but for now you need to let it go.
I know what your saying, I just don’t want to give up and keep punishing myself with it instead
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That replier “mightymite88” has got to be either a troll, a bot, or sadly -a very ignorant person. You are completely correct in your reaction to the absurd request from your ex gf and her “protector”.
One of the best parts of having a girlfriend in your late teens and early twenties is buying her underwear and asking her to put it on for you.
I love night walks but I would never force my gf to go with me if she’s not comfortable, even more so if I don’t made the conscious effort to make her feel protected during said walk.
Have a talk with him, if I love my girl and she doesn’t feel safe around me then I would argue for her to breakup with me. I feel like that that’s one of the pillars of a good working relationship.
He gave her the secret about how to manipulate him. And this story will continue as she'll never stop.
Nope holding hands and cuddling is for marriage she wants to feel special
It seems like your relationship is already a waste. You each want different things, and I'd honestly not be surprised to find out he sleeps around behind your back. If he hasn't yet, as soon as you're at college.
You can't make him want what he doesn't want.
You guys need to have a very serious discussion about the direction of your relationship and reinforce boundaries. Just make sure you DO NOT AGREE to anything you don't feel great about.
Good luck with your bf and in college.
Gross
That happens a couple of different ways. Based on the language you use about trying to get her to 'understand' that what you're saying is right and how to confront her to understand, it is likely that she is acquiescing to get you to stop because you are fully unwilling to have any sort of equal exchange with her. You can berate her until she gives in but you have not changed her mind, you have simply bullied her. You can keep doing it and keep having this problem and the problem will eventually go away because at some point she will no longer tolerate the disrespect.
By the way, I don't think there is anything wrong with you objecting to her decision to tell your friend's girlfriend that your friend is a bad influence on you. She is fully entitled to do that and you need to realize she she is entitled to have thoughts and opinions and she is entitled to decide to say what she wants to say to anyone she wants to say it to. However, we all edit ourselves every moment of every day and there are things that are better left unsaid.
So the root of this particularly conflict is drugs. Why does your girlfriend believe that this friend is someone that promotes your drug use?
You need to stop drinking, find a program, and get into therapy to deal with the trauma you mentioned from your childhood.
So like… did your husband cheat on you with your sister, or is this some morality police nonsense? How long should you wait after death before you decide to be intimate with another person? A year? 2 years? Never? This isn’t even op saying he wants to start a relationship with the sister, this is him getting sad and drunk with someone who looks and sounds like his wife. Do you not think that maybe, just maybe, his desperate drunk brain was willing to do anything to have his wife back and found somebody that was very similar to place these feelings on? Was it the right thing to do? No, but not for any betrayal reason to his wife, but because he used his wife’s sister as a proxy.
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I would tell her immediately. I would want to know, and if you are a good friend and she finds out he did that, she will never trust you again. You take her to lunch and tell her matter of factly. I notice more drama is made from avoiding, lying or being over dramatic. Tell her she is your friend and you wanted her to know so she can decide what to do. Then let it go.
Yo guess what? She has a right to take pictures of HER body and not send it to you. You don’t own her body, you don’t have automatic rights to pictures of her body.
Regarding your update: does your campus have a health center that offers mental health services? When I was depressed I had a few session with an on campus therapist. They would be able to direct you to the right place.
Well i've break up with her two times already, she got me back with the kid card and also threatning to kill herself because i am everything to her and her only friend / family / trust member (which is kinda true in fact…)
So talking to her doesn't seems to work and i don't want her to do a stupid things
Says every cheater.
He's shown you who he is. Believe him. He's sexist at best and misogynistic at worst. He doesn't want an equal partner. He wants a subservient partner. If this is not you, then you should break it off.
Well to be fair. If one person works 40 hours a week and one person works 0 hours a week that person can at least do all the housework. How much work is it actually? Maybe an hour per day and then you can get everything spotless… You say you want to “lower her burden” by doing your part of the housework but what burden is that she is having right now?
Also if one parter looses their job they should OFFER to do all the housework alone until they get a new one. If there were kids to raise it would be another thing and a lot more work but without kids I think one person working full time is a LOT and I mean really a LOT more work then doing the household alone.
Then you tell her that you will still be doing her part even though she is unemployed and she feels the need to spin that around on you, demanding that you do even more?
My honest advice is to sit her down and tell her clearly that you expect her to do all the housework until she has a new job and then you can split it again and that this is not open for discussion. If she tries to spin this around at you I would really and honestly break up. Seriously I would get a bit of lazyness and that she is a bit down right now but what she does is ungreatful and disrespectful and she is extorting you right now.
But his children (once they are old enough to understand) and her family (especially her parents) will care.
Also if she isn’t still there, why does OP still feel guilty? You all know that even if someone is dead we honor and respect them. So why do you all keep saying she is dead so it doesn’t matter. You all know the problem here.
When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. He is a misogynistic jerk. Do you want to spend the next 30 years of your life feeling crazy? Trying to get your point across to someone who doesn't want to hear it? That will push you to communicate & then blame you for what you say? Please believe me, this is no way to live.
She could have killed you, had zero remorse, and had no problem ruining your life and sending you to jail for her assault on you. You should never be alone with this person again, and any future interactions need to be recorded. You need to move forward with pressing charges, and get a restraining order, and make sure everyone knows what happened. Send photos of your injuries, tell your story- make sure you get it out there first so she can't paint you as an abuser.
Ten or eleven whole months, huh?
You got 2 options.
Break up.
Flee the country with her.
I should have thrown in a trip to Chuck E. Cheese!
She said that now she’s super insecure about her body and she feels terrible.
Negative, she's been super insecure this whole time, and needs to deal with it. You can and will find other people attractive.
This will not end well for anyone.
The second sentence of the second paragraph you already should terrible. No one should be around that “she looks 15” type crap.
As someone said. Make the choice to get your life in order and seek therapy.
The single person has no commitment to anyone. The one who breaks their commitment is at fault. They made a promise to someone, they broke it. Full stop.
How you see this any other way is mind boggling.
I take it you've been cheated on? And you blamed the other person but excused your partner?Don't get personal. It makes you sound petty and ignorant.
You need to work on yourself. If you truly love him, let him go. Work on yourself
My guess is this has been a long pattern overall. “I saw that waitress smile at you, and YOU SMILED BACK! Do you want her??”
I would imagine that last time was simply the straw that broke the camel's back and him saying “I… have… had… ENOUGH!”
he didn’t kiss you at all. i guarantee you he’s not thinking it could possibly be more.
why do you feel it could be more? just b/c you guys had sex or did you connect while talking?
Thank you for answering without making fun, I’ve gotten all throwaway answers until this response. For background he’s a yoga teacher and he shares things that he feels aligned with on his spirituality type blog. He didn’t write the teaching but he shared the teachers writing and said it “resonates” with him. I’m confused because it said “the alchemist stood next to a girl he secretly admired”. Would that be me?
It seems you don't believe him. The decision would be easier if you did.
Not necessarily. It's more about compatibility so if you're both happy with how things are going, it's fine.
There is no way! Back off!!
Not far off with that. Our relationship is on the rocks for a lot of those reasons. He also posts about gopi girls on his blog and I looked that up and was just as confused lol
Honestly, if I were in OPs girlfriend’s situation I probably would’ve responded similarly. Incoherent and just wants to go to bed but you keep badgering me about my parents? Then forcibly trying to get me to do something I don’t want to. I’m going to feel threatened and defend myself. The best thing OP could have done was just let his girlfriend go to bed, the second best thing is to break up because this relationship won’t work.
Were the panties new despite not having tags, or did they look used?
No, explain things to to your friends. She lied to them about you to get sympathy. She knows exactly what happened but doesn't care. I thought you were worried about your friendships?
Besides poking you with his penis what does he do to initiate sex??
Well has your partner come out of a difficult relationship before you?
That is something common before a transitional relationship.
But what kind of relationship do you want?
LEAVE HIM PLEASE
Listen, you told her that you'd move out if she got the cat, she got the cat. That's a PRETTY CLEAR SIGNAL. Also, bringing in pets requires both partners to agree, you did not, so she doesn't even see you as an equal.
You mistyped 16M
Be careful…. He might cheat on you with her if you don’t draw strict boundaries
Take whatever dignity and self-respect you have left (of which there doesn't seem to be much) and make it a point to never, EVER speak to this person again.
Let the Tik Tok groupie go. She's exhibited traits you shouldn't like in a friend let alone a girlfriend.
This time next year when she's a distant memory, you'll be glad to have been rid of her.
She can be someone else's headache.
Block, delete and let new guy find out the very hot way what her patterns are.
Not your problem, gladly so.
Looks are important but so is personality. You can’t do much about the first and you seem determined not to do much about the other.
I just wonder – you say your unpleasant and can’t talk to or connect with women. Yet you recoil at some women who are into you? How do you know they’re into you if you can’t talk to them?
Then you have your answer, there's nothing you can do.
Unless you decide this is a deal breaker, then you can leave.
I get what you’re saying but with this logic if he’s tampering with condoms and didn’t tell her then he would be “lying”. It’s the same as “well you didn’t ask so I didn’t tell”.
If this is real, it's time to break up. A relationship without boundaries is not a relationship.
It's gonna hurt but it'll get easier over time. As much as it pains you know, it'll be worth it in the long run.
This is one of those tough issues where neither is wrong. She probably isn’t comfortable just saying “hey, you’re doing x, do y instead.”
But he doesn’t like that he now has to wonder if conversations are really just a cover for her working up to telling him she disagrees with something he’s doing.
Imagine if “hey, what are you up to?” made you think “uh oh… what am I doing wrong now? And how long until I find out?”
This just seems like a good candidate for an open discussion. Maybe not a fun one, but that’s what’s needed in relationships sometimes.
You should be honest with your friend but you should also prepare yourself for the possibility that she doesn't cut him off and his friend group stays intact, with you the one no longer welcome.
When I broke up with an abusive ex and eventually told mutual friends the truth, several of them didn't believe it and blocked me. Others did believe me but remained friends with him anyway.
Out of the 10+ people that knew me when I was with him in college and hung out with us together, only one was still my friend after the breakup. The rest either chose him or chose to cut us both out.
I give up. I'm done. I did. If you read my post and many comments, you will see I did. It's been resolved now anyway and I've desperately been trying to respond to comments letting everyone know. But it's not working. People think I'm some POS who didn't invite his girlfriend along. I'm out.
It sounds very healthy to me as well. What doesn’t sound healthy is a wife saying going to bars is a red line and she would end the marriage. Then she goes off to bars. Children growing older or not, this is not an okay double standard.
Yikes , she’s toxic
You made this post for a reason, don't back track. I think you need very hot boundaries if you want to work on it for your marriage, because you may have those values, but if he's saying stuff about hookups, he's probably wanting to cheat and just looking for your permission.
Five months or so. Also, refer to the previous comment in this thread. I explained the basic premise of the pregnancy.
Tl:dr;
My fiancé is a walking, talking red flag but Reddit, should I still marry him?
However, what she said next was that she feels like if I weren't to reciprocate her feelings, she “doesn't know if she'd make it”.
Did you ask her what she meant by “not sure if she'd make it?” Is she referring to self-harm or suicide?
LMFAO, imagine trying to have an affair and get rejected ouch! you should tell your wife, so she can find a gentlemen and not whatever you are lol
Honestly I think she can be an asshole with no regard for her partner without also being a cheater. That's the thing. You think her defensiveness because she's cheating and I think she's essentially a borderline narcissistic woman who made some fun young friends and wants to live the life she missed out on when she was being a killjoy in her 20s.
I especially think this is true because her defensiveness and “do/demand whatever I feel like” seems to have always been part of her personality. The environment is the only thing that's changed.
It wasn't time with friends that bothered me, but rather the effort put into friends relational to the effort put towards me.
I can tell you right now that is a load of horseshit. You were mad that your so was going out, period. I cannot imagine your SO “texting, planning, discussing, and executing” like he was going to a gala. Did he giggle when he put on a clean shirt?
As a man I can tell you there is never any planning like you are suggesting and that by itself, which is the crux of your argument just screams insecurity. The “effort” men put into get togethers is “yo wanna go here” and the answer is yes or no. You also do not know their situation or what they (OP and SO) do with their spare time, they could go out once a week, he could be a great event planner, she could be satisfied with their life… and you are making assumptions for him and her based on your life, which does not apply.
That said, in the context of the post, which is ALL we have to go on, he stopped doing it and a decade went by, now she goes out and doesn't tell him, and stays out drinking until 2AM.
That's OK? No, it's not. It is not ok as married poerson, man or woman, to go out drinking, not tell your spouce and stay out until 2AM. Once is an error in judgement, multiple times is a red flag.
But how does this behavior and way of thinking in any way play into the “I'm doing it for me now”?
If she wants to go out, great (with some noticed as they are married ffs, but when he tells her that she told him it was bad and as a married man he shouldn't be doing it and then she does it and he questions her, and she gets mad, that kind of seems not only hypocritical but also dismissive and not just a bit shady.
She wanted a baby, she didn’t necessarily want the guy. If that’s the case then perfect scenario since he can’t just come back and claim 50/50 custody . Pretty devious. I wonder if they were using condoms or if she said don’t worry I’m on birth control
Tell him you need it
Ummm half a million isn't a lot of money. It's some money. It's big help money. But, that's not even buy a three bedroom home in some markets money.
You keep that money and manage it yourself. I think you need to sit on it and learn. How much or how little $0.5 M is.
It certainly isn't “Oh hey Boon FYI I'm. Rich.” money.
He's reached the point of desperation. He needs this. He's asked every way he can. There is literally one individual that can satisfy this need of his and she (can't/won't) do this. Since he's married and wants to honor his vows, he is stuck. He is searching for ways to stay with you and not be starved any longer.
Search for a compromise and stick to whatever agreement you come to.
Never had counseling before – what is it like? How did it work out for you? I hope for the better!
This sounds just like a post from a couple of days ago where the couple is something like 20F and 37M and he’s groomed her since she was 13…
I meant that as my own opinion. She just accelerated her way to possible divorce. I don’t personally need any of her money even if I’m entitled to it by law.
Don't move in together, then.
She wants to do it, IE: When I try to load up the clothes she gets upset and demands to go with me.
I needed to hear that to make sure I wasn’t going crazy! Thank you so much:)
Adopt her before getting divorced.
Don't count on them not fighting you for her. They might not care about her, but they might care about fucking over you, and refuse to allow you any contact purely out of spite.
31f here. I set an age range down in the low 20s before just to increase matches, but every 20yo I’ve matched with comes across as extremely immature from the very first message. It’s exhausting when you feel like you’re dealing with a child. That’s just my experience though.
He told me that he went down on me this morning so nothing will ever good enough for me. ????
He did one thing so you would actually enjoy yourself too and not be in pain so he thinks he shouldn't need to do so again and saying otherwise implies nothing will ever be good enough? That fucking gaslighting tho Look at it from his perspective?! Dude is literally only looking at it through his perspective, and without considering you, your comfort, or your pleasure in the slightest.
I hate tell you this but you are being used. You shouldn't have to have a fucking medical condition and beg to get your partner to do something the way you like it. Also at 30 years of age, the insistence of a shower right beforehand is ridiculous. Dude needs to grow tf up and learn to either be considerate of you or just go fuck himself…. Literally.
Probably ignore it but with my attention span lol most likely I wouldn’t even realize it
Jealousy is one of the most toxic things a person can bring to a relationship. My advice is to get out or tell her you’re not ok with it and wont put up with it.
I have pegged guys and honestlt its pretty liberating.
The control you have over them is kind of a nice feeling. I found out i enjoy being a dom sometimes thanks to doing that. Also when i have done these things they have been SUPER grateful and affectionate with me after as a thank you which has been really nice to have.
With that said. Its a lot of effort when youre tired.
Plus this issue with him starting to enjoy things youre not loving much and not being able to get very hot otherwise isnt ok. Its not alright to completely dismiss your pleasure because otherwise he cant keep it up.
Id recommend getting him a buttplug or something to use while he has normal sex with you. Means he can insert and remove and stay naked while having vaginal sex that you can enjoy. Never get into threesomes etc youre not comfortable with. Tell him that this thought of his needs to stay a fantasy that he can use as a turn on but it sont be a reality. He has already shown he cannot be trusted to keep his shit together with just anal. What happens when he cant get nude without being pegged or having others in there with him.
Best of luck to you.
Not now, it's always been that way. There's only been awareness and a push against it recently with millennials and gen z.
That’s really good, your son is lucky to have you as a parent. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to not have that pressure or sense of obligation, because although my dad has tried to make sure I don’t feel like that, he’s constantly bulldozed by my mom. She’ll claim she wanted to raise me as a self sufficient, independent person, but then she goes right back and infantilizes me and tries to mother me even though I am a grown woman who has been married and completely self sufficient with my husband as soon as I was able to be. It feels like she feels like she regrets losing that control and she’s trying as very hot as she can to take it back
Of course I love him either way. What in my post made you feel that I don’t love him? I’m not divorcing him over it. Just looking for relationship advice. Maybe this is the wrong sub lol
I got a skin rash when visiting my brother in Prague. I had to remove all my rings – including my engagement ring. I wore it as a necklace.
I told my now husband as soon as I got the rash and what I planned.
Try talking to her about it.
Thank you for posting this comment. Sadly, the people who need to read it, most likely won't.
Thank you for the reminder to be compassionate. I've been in an abusive relationship, and until you have been stuck in one, you have no idea how very hot it is to leave.
Either you want it or you don’t. Sounds like you don’t. Plus he went behind your back to ask his friend without talking to you first. That is not ok. Full stop not ok. How dare he? This has to be something you agree to first. Complete invasion of privacy.
I’m not against this kind of sexual adventure, but ONLY when all parties involved are consenting and on board. No begging, no compromise, no coercing, etc… it doesn’t feel like you have any of that.
I’m pissed for you that he asked your lodger without talking to you first.
I’m just gonna come out and say this: someone who only cares about themselves during sex can change and improve but only if they want too. He doesn’t want to because he doesn’t care.
Don’t endure mediocre sex for the rest of your life. Break up and find someone who actually knows what their doing or wants to learn. Thank goodness you didn’t wait until marriage.
I know she paid for her en-suite but to just completely destroy it out of spite is wrong too. It cost her a lot of money to get it all Installed and she throws it all away after an argument.
Just be you, definitely try to talk to her and put out that it's me, baby, vibe.
and all she’s done for him! just kinda like pay ur dues and move on?
From what I understand, the COVID-era days when nurses could make good money traveling are over. I wouldn't get too offended; she might have made some reasonable assumptions based on what kind of nurse you are. Maybe I'm unusual, but because I talk finances with friends/family all the time, this conversation doesn't seem bad.
Regardless, if it does bother you, you should communicate how you feel about the conversation so she doesn't revisit the topic again.
“so there's a girl i've known since i was 15. We met and on the same day I found out that she loves someone. After a few weeks she was with him and that helped for almost 5 years.”
I'm going off of your own words here…
She has lived in your head for at least five years
Keep torturing yourself over something you'll never have or get into the gym and therapy and love yourself enough to realize your worth
I’d really consider what you do socially. It was really very hot for my friend when we would go out, and she couldn’t bring her partner in any bars.
Can be naked for trust especially with a new relationship