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Date: October 14, 2022
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how old are you? if this is your 1st relationship then get out of it and work on yourself feeling self conscious about yourself go to the gym,working out seems to build up alot of people
Talk about how much the couple loves each other, how every time she mentions his name her eyes smile and soften, and that's how you knew this was meant to be. Prior to the wedding ask about her relationship to get inspiration
Dump her. She’s toxic
my best ,and most stupid, way id fix something similar is to make yourself a lock screen that says 'text my bf whats going on' literally put this everywhere. a note next to your pc, your keys, your phone case, your car, your fridge anything. habits like this are tough to break so only thing you can do is physically remimd yourself since you cant do it by reflex yet.
Find another partner who wouldn’t make you give up on something you love. This isn’t some random object you have laying around your house. It’s a beloved pet that’s been part of your everyday life for the past 1+ year and not only will it affect you, but the other cat you have. why put him through that? And also, the fact that he wants to get rid of one just to bring another is a load of BS. He honestly sounds like very selfish and immature.
But why does he have to text you? Could no one else take care of them? Family or friends?
No he's serious he's always had this viewpoint in general and made to sure to ask multiple times are u serious
You mean drinking to the point of “unconsciousness” in a vulnerable place/position over and over isn't an alarming pattern?
If he leaves you, sue them both for child support.
Trauma would be a reason but not an excuse. We all have baggage and we all have a duty to not make our own baggage other people's business.
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The kid is happy and healthy. Don’t blow up his family. Start one of your own
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This is the second time he has lost his cool like that in the 9 months we have been together
He couldn't even get through 9 months… This is only going to get worse if you don't stay away from him.
If you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who games all the time, you'll need to stop being in a relationship with someone who games all the time.
You don't have to justify with how he's not a bad person, he works hard, all that. The bottom line is whether this is what you want for your partner.
Your wife doesnt want painful reminders of people who helped you deceive her. She doesn’t want painful reminders of your dishonesty and cover up. That’s what these people remind her of. Stop being selfish. You created this whole mess by not being honest. I can’t blame your wife for not wanting any of these people in her life. But if you’re already wavering can she actually trust your word?
No you didn’t do anything wrong. You said no and he should have stopped.
Personally, I'd probably break up with anyone that demanded I got rid of my bird.
Ok so I'd say something like “Hey, how are you? I have been thinking about you as I felt we had a really cool connection I'd like to explore it more now that I am single again. Would you like to go for a coffee?” Or y'know, whatever you want to do but something along those lines.
Dm her on IG. And then just sort of ask how she is. Then quite quickly in the conversation let her know that you are single again as your last relationship didn't pan out, you would love to catch up. That's how I'd go. Good luck OP.
You should both have equal amounts of “free time”. I assume a lot of the weekday time she has while the kids are at school would be used for household stuff since you have 4 kids to care for. But it sounds like she would still have WAY more free time than you. You need to put this to her very bluntly, as she may be taking advantage of this arrangement.
Well interesting, I was wrong
You’ve basically cheated on and left your husband for a STRANGER? Lmao good luck. You’re marriage didn’t sound healthy and yeah, you probably needed to get out. However, jumping straight to this guy you don’t know isn’t the answer. You don’t know them, and once the excitement for this dude wears off you are going to be in a bad situation. You sound like you cannot be on your own because this isn’t “healing from codependency”.
I really do want to share your enthusiasm about life but i really can't. I'm an awkward guy who can't talk to people freely. I'm caught in this hole i can't get out of.
I really don't have any self respect for myself but I'm hoping that I could develop something for myself. I really hope so
Sounds like you don’t like her at all. Break up?
You’ll need to get some food down for your kid to keep your brain functioning. It will be okay. Focus on what you can control , which is your own actions. You’ll be okay. You have good family support.
On NYE she broke up with me on the basis that I am childish, lack communication, and did not take her input into a major life decision.
She sounds like the childish one, honestly. Because you DID tell her how it was going to be long ago and it's YOUR life decision. But I don't know that there's some way to bring her around.
a lot of people with limerence do become stalkers. and they certainly have very toxic relationships. Thats why it's important for them to get help. Limerence makes you do things you would never do otherwise. Its a serious mental health issue
There it is. You think she deserves to be strangled because she was drunk.
Ok, FartFace319.
His masturbatory habits are none of your business. Stop having sex with this guy and either find a new place to live! or get him to leave.
Why are you so worried about hurting his feelings when he is regularly hurting yours with his lack of consideration for your comfort, safety, and happiness? This post might as well have said “My boyfriend’s home is a biohazard and I’m putting myself in danger of getting yeast infections and bacterial infections and breathing in mold every time I go over there, he smells so bad I can’t put my head next to his, and I want to run away screaming from his bathroom. How do I tell this 31 year old adult that he makes me feel bad every day without making HIM feel bad?”
Most people having affairs are not actively concussed…
I've been told this is invasive but I would trust her like that person has no reason to lie to me. I want this to not be a super scary thing and I would love to keep having fun with this guy but like..not if he has hurt other people. I think I don't feel like I'm in danger because it's only been a few dates so I feel justified in saying something to him along the lines of “you get that that's really scary right? Can we talk about this ?”
And this is not something you can live! with, so get out. YOU CAN DO IT.
Make a plan – where can you stay until you find a new living situation (if you live! together), etc – and then get out of there. Ask your friends for support and cheerleading.
The only one who can do this for you is you.
I don’t even know any children who would do something like that honestly
You have a therapist, let that therapist guide you in that decision. If he thinks less of you because of something completely out of your control, then he's probably not someone you are ever going to feel safe with.
But everyone else saw what happened and came to me to say don't take it to my heart and just let it go and made excuses for him, about how he is drunk and that's just how he is. I just said being drunk isn't an excuse to be asshole and hurt people without reason.
So here's the issue, right there.
You, as an outsider, see what a shitty person Jack is. You KNOW his behavior is, for a fact, unwarranted, inappropriate, and all-around abusive.
But no one is ever going to call him on it. I'm sorry OP, but there it is.
You are either going to have to accept it, or you are going to have to leave your bf and move on. They ALL clearly consider HIS comfort more important than yours.
I don't care about his background. I really don't care about his trauma. Some people have been to hell and back, and they are capable of being civil. He is fully capable of being civil toward you – a stranger who has done nothing to him – but he isn't because everyone is coddling him.
Right now, your boyfriend is going and drinking with him, supporting Jack's coping technique. I'm not going to touch their relationship because I'm sure it's complicated, but YOU need to think of what's best for you, and frankly, a partner that puts the comfort of someone who acted terribly to someone he loves and wants to build a relationship with….
I wouldn't even offer an ultimatum. I would just move on and find a man that didn't need me to ask him to decide between me and the man that was openly awful to me.
You deserve better than this.
Yeah that is what I kind of think myself. As she said to me, “I love you and care about you”, no you don’t or else you wouldn’t have done what you did and you would have come to me with whatever issue there was and how you were feeling. The way I feel right now, is there is no way I could get past this unless I heard that she was truly sorry and that it was poor judgment and wasn’t thinking about her family.
But even that…it sounds pathetic to me when I read it back. I’m very torn. I almost want her to be apologizing and putting ME in the position to decide what’s next. I’m not sure what I would do but at least I’d feel better than I do right now. Yesterday was a totally normal day. Then I found those pictures and everything changed. I went from having a family yesterday morning to nothing, and im not getting any closure or literally anything at all. I just got a “sorry” and now silence. It feels really fucking bad man. My head isn’t in a good place.
It's not natural, it's training and practice. Go read SM 101 and The New Topping Book then ask if there's anything she wants to try.
You don't. You leave. You cant fix him
Yes, but what about the whole cuddling thing? Feels like he’s trying to lead me on with false hope. I know this is something I have responsibility around creating boundaries for, if I felt even able to be friends, but the fact that he’s doing that shit is enough for me to question his intentions behind wanting to remain in contact so much that I’m opposed to the idea.
I mean you can run from everything. But you could also ask what the hell that was about and maybe make him realize something. And if he doesn't get it, then you leave.
Maybe she’s just confused herself? I’d try to have an honest conversation with her, if you can find a tactful non-aggressive way to approach it.
Also OP, your husband doesn't seem like he's going to tell the coworker to stop being hateful towards you, tell her you'll go to the police for harassment. And they'll get her name, her husband's name, and the details of WHY she's harassing you. That'll shut her up.
I'm 34m and I've never ever had a relationship survive me crying. Guess that's why I don't cry anymore.
Then he has the freedom to leave. Wow shocker. He doesn’t get to keep forcing her to go through painful experiences and invasive experiences when she put her foot down. Now he can decide if this is for him or gtfo of there
Me dying is very abstract to me, being 50+. Maybe it shouldn’t.. but your parents are not that old to me. To you perhaps cause you are very young.
I am going dating soon again heh.
Oh definitely need to lose some dead weight….
COVID has really warped a lot of people.
Don't know how common it is but certainly not all guys, I've never even discussed women's bodies with my mates let alone sending pictures of hard women
Dealbreaker if it was me. Easy to say this as I’m not invested and I know how my heart works. I’ve put up with less. I’m sorry this has happened. Forget the honesty, it’s more about how you’re literally just the next best thing. It sounds horrible to put it like that but that’s what he’s saying when he says that. Fuck him. I hope he’s not also manipulating cause that’s some narcissistic behavior almost- to be able to lack so much self awareness to bring that up- the plus is at least you know now.
Fuck that dude, I think you deserve much better and his selfish behavior will only cause problems in the future. This won’t be something that’s easy to overcome. I wouldn’t ever forget it throughout the length of the relationship unless he made some real changes and showed me I’m the apple of his eye not his fucking ex.
Wow this much older man doesn't want to commit?! Shocking
It sounds like you're the side-piece. Just walk away and tell this fool he can go back to her and stop hiding his phone like a sketchy asshole.
Because this isn't an isolated case of anxiety where “putting his mind at ease” makes everything better.
This is a pretty big sign of paranoia and misogyny. You don't mistrust someone who's given you no reason to be distrustful.
And the worst that could happen is that OP could be trapped in an abusive relationship with someone whose behavior towards her and her children is toxic, controlling, and difficult to escape.
Fortunately, our first born looks exactly like me
That is not as reliable a metric as you might hope. Get a test, the timing for her chlamydia should be troubling you.
it amazes me that some of you give OP some kind of “spot” about it after she happily assisted in the actual cheating lol. agreeing to 100% utterly disagree. there is no appointed spot. Wife of the situation deserves a clean shot to, you know, BE loved and happy, period. it's not going to make a difference who tells her.
You don't deserve abuse, but you can do better. Hopefully you learn from it. If you are unsure what to do,do nothing now.Tske your time before you make a move.
I am very familiar with the family court system. To get up to overnights could take months, even years depending. It would be months of supervised meetings as this man is a complete stranger. Then unsupervised day meetings of a few hours. To get to overnights those kids could be 16 at that point? And if they decide they aren’t interested in those, no overnights. So while this is all well and good and they should go through the proper channels, the kids will ultimately hold the power to decide if they are anywhere overnight with their bio dad. They could say hey this guy is pretty cool, I like him, let’s do this. They could say I am not comfortable with this and they will not be forced to go from a legal standpoint, especially well into their teen years by that point.
No one with the kids’ best interests at heart (since that is what every single ruling in family court is made for) will force them to go anywhere with someone they have only known for a few months or a year. They can rule it, sure, but they can’t violate the kids’ bodily autonomy that way. The kids also have rights here and their comfort, happiness and stability are the priority of any ruling, not what dad or mom wants.
Advice from someone who has lost both parents.
Be there for her shitty ass for the next 2-3 weeks. She can't fuck your life up any more than she already has and it might give you some weird, screwed up solace.
When she goes, cry. Cry your heart out and cry your ass off. That's the first step to getting better.
Nope not illiterate. Like I said you don't have a good relationship. Therapy or walk.
I see what u did
You do realise that girls also mature faster than boys, so you calling her immature is a bit rich. You sound pretty immature yourself.
The sooner you stop caring so much about what other people will think, and start caring what you feel and think, the better. Stop dismissing other people for being immature when you still hold other peoples opinions above your own.
I agree with others. Closure is something we give ourselves, not something others give us. You deserve better. Thank you fir your service and best wishes in the future!
Yeah, interesting how OP says that their boyfriend says they wanted to be exclusive but refused to define it any further. Either the boyfriend is just as shady as OP or we are not getting the full story here. Would honestly not be surprised either way. There’s no way they’re both 30.
hmm…. did he comment anything or label the videos in any way? Is your face in them? Id be curious how he treated you there as well as it would be very telling.
What does your gut instinct telling you? without any sort of other advice from friends or this sub? Your first initial thought. Like as soon as you read that sentence (if you even did read it lol).
I wouldn’t follow an ex under any circumstances.
Unfortunately yes.
UMMMM, no. You are an individual the fact you’ve ran away from him shows something isn’t right with the relationship.
Has the ER offered you an advocate or domestic abuse help? Please ask while you’re there and relatively safe. Let the staff know his name and that you do not want him there. You are leaving him now, right? I’m so, so sorry things have gone this way. I’m praying for you.
Whatever lie you have to tell yourself in order to sleep good at night~
how
Is Fajita in this metaphor OP's wife?
Was it on the one where the guy was fine with her doing porn?
Can you transfer back into your dream school? Don't let this man take any more away from you. He clearly doesn't want an equal partner since he can't even understand why you think he should be doing half the chores when you are working and studying. What will this man be like if you have kids with him? Don't get trapped with kids, as there is a very real risk he will hold all the financial power at least while you can't work, and you just can't trust him to treat you with respect.
Can you transfer back into your dream school? Don't let this man take any more away from you. He clearly doesn't want an equal partner since he can't even understand why you think he should be doing half the chores when you are working and studying. What will this man be like if you have kids with him? Don't get trapped with kids, as there is a very real risk he will hold all the financial power at least while you can't work, and you just can't trust him to treat you with respect.
If I were you, I would stop telling him you will never be alone with this other guy. Your BF most likely feels as though you’re treating him like an idiot when you say that. You’re going with your girl friend and her BF and you don’t think they will want some alone time? Come on now. You’re going to be traveling around getting drunk. There will be plenty of opportunities to cheat.
But, you’re 18, this relationship has been going for 6 months. This probably wont last forever. If I were your BF, I would probably end things. If I were you, I would go on the trip.
CMV means?
Stop having sex with him. It sounds like you guys fell into a FWB situation without any thought or actual conversation. Although I find that a bit weird if neither of you thought that you are queer.
Be his friend and try having an actual conversation. He's clearly conflicted about something in regard to either sex with men in general or sew with you in particular.
Both Indian and Filipino cultures are extremely homophobic so the likelihood of him coming around is little to none. If you aren't planning on having children and he's overall nice I believe this is something you can overlook as it's been culturally engrained in him (not saying it's right, just stating a fact) however, if you do plan on having kids than that's a hard nope. You or your child won't deserve that type of hate in your lives.
I know no liberals who are pro baby-killing, so I assume you conflate infanticide with abortion to be dramatic. If that's the case, it would be very ironic given your complaint is an inability to understand basic biology, then. A fetus is not a baby. An embryo is not a baby. An egg, not a baby. A baby is a baby. That's why we use different words. So hoping that's not what you were trying to say.
Also, he's not the only feeble old man who lost his mind while being a President within the last 6ish years. But honestly there should be an age limit, because I will agree that clearly mental faculties decline and older individuals (retirement age and beyond) should not be in charge of the future of the country
I didn’t. Maybe the mods took it down
He should go see a doctor or a therapist if loud noises bother him this much. He could use earplugs or a white noise machine to make life more manageable. This isn't your job to fix and you shouldn't have to arrange your life around this.
Your her family now, cut him off and offer her a a place to stay if need be.
I'd much rather lose him and have nothing then to have him brag about having threesome with people she considers a friend.
Just let her know she has you and your husband. If it will help her take her to confront the arsehold couple.
Wait, why would he have to take you into consideration?
It seems like something that if you have to ask, well, yeah. That’s too much to ask.
He didn’t ask for this; you asked for this. Give him his blessing to live! his life you gave him.
Not enough information. Its one red flag among some green. He could have been a little put off by the semi-silence over the weekend and (wrongly) thought you were the one doing the ghosting. Or maybe it is (mostly) just about sex for him?
Go on a few more dates.
Guess who's not straight and definitely not faithful…
My wife and I had a similar argument when we were dating. My mother had a bad experience once, and only survived due to the kindness of an unknown trucker. She did her best to pay it forward all her life, and told me, “I hope that if my children were ever in need someone would help them. How can I expect that if I’m not willing to help someone else’s child?”
As a result, I was always open to helping strangers. Giving rides, buying a meal/sharing food, whatever. My wife doesn’t have that background, and felt that doing so was enabling people at best and inviting danger at worst.
It took a lot of conversations, but we eventually understood neither of us were completely wrong: there is nothing wrong with having love and compassion for your fellow man, but there are dangers in the world.
I am not nearly as open as I used to be. I’ll call taxi if someone is stranded, order them a meal from an app as opposed to carrying cash if they are hungry, but I don’t pick up hitchhikers, I don’t carry cash or hand it out for stuff, and so don’t engage people in the same way.
lol genius
A sign on the door politely asking people to knock first and wait for an okay to enter, followed up by a rubber door stopper so that the door cannot be opened without it being moved first (cheap to get, check Amazon).
But you’d rather make it hard…
What? 400.000 for a house? That’s what dreams are made of.
Well, you might want to read the post, actually.
OP himself said she doesn't have much.
Know why? Because she's a young student.
What obligations should she have if OP was the one to set the tone?
Oh, his bills almost doubled. It doesn't work this way and he's most likely saying it to gain sympathy.
Oh, she's not paying for dinners when he's inviting. Well, don't invite, easy. Why should she pay for his desire to eat out? Oh, but the dates? Well, then either don't invite, speak up and shut up. It's not like he's going on dates with his left hand to entertain himself only.
Grocery shopping? Does he not eat? Who offered her to live! with him? Is she even aware of him wanting to pay her way? Oh, wait, she's not, that's what the post is about.
Because of all people OP chose someone who's not even out of the parent's home.
And, according to his post she does pay for something. Hmm, strange wording and zero details.
I doubt his credibility as a narrator.
Again, you want a financially responsible perso. – date one, not a student who's not been on her own.
The daughter would really benefit from being away from her mother.
Because she is in with that as well as him!
(Would they buy the house he has focused his mind on!!!)
Also: we do not know how much she has been able to put aside during the 5 years she was saving!
We only know that HE wants to invest 300 k.
My husband hates tattoos with a passion as well. I’ve always loved them, but I was 23 when we met and prior to that I was just struggling to survive to think about ink. It’s not worth the bullshit and I never really had anything I HAD to get as a tattoo so I let it die. However 2 of my cats (DLH calico sisters) are getting up there in age (turning 18). The best damn cats to ever live!, to the point we did consider cloning them for a hot minute. But since it would involve selling our organs to afford it, we decided to let that delusion die. Anyway, all that to say, when they pass, I fully intend to get a memorial tattoo dedicated to them. My husband’s hatred of tattoos be damned. If he “DoEsN’t FiNd Me AtTrAcTiVe” anymore, he can kick rocks.
Oh I am? Just because I don't like tattoos and facial hair?
If you have to give up your girl trips, then he does not get any more bro or nephew trips without you and the kids. If he doesn’t like that, he can shut the fuck up and watch you pack your bag for a spa weekend… which doesn’t include him or the kids.
i guess this really is just what i needed to hear. i just have an uncomfortable relationship with porn- so i guess something in my mind makes it a bigger deal then it is
Talk to a lawyer before you do any of this
Could be op knows very well why husband is not talking and is pretending to be dumbfounded to get sympathy votes. This story just doesn't make sense
If its truly out of nowhere, then yes husband is an asshole and he needs to stop being childish
Hey, I’m sorry, but she’s super controlling and abusive. It is not reasonable for you to never interact with half the population, and she’s making her insecurities your problem. She is absolutely too jealous, and the way she’s taking it out on you is flat unacceptable.
She should be seeing a therapist to work on her severe issues, and if she’s not willing to do that or if she does it but this behavior continues, I’d leave.
You can’t live! like this.
Ugh, fuck that guy. That’s so fucking gross.
If you refuse to accept that all relationships are optional, you'll never understand why you're staying.
I'm madly, madly in love, like I cannot see my life in any other way than it is, with him, right now, and every day after this one. I cannot imagine breathing without him in my world.
But you'd best bet if that MF cheated, I'd leave a me-shaped hole in the wall of our big, beautiful house on my way out.
NEED and WANT are very different, and no healthy relationship is based on solely need. If you don't want to stay with someone, you can leave.
And if you're perfectly aware that you can leave, and you choose to stay…
That's the commitment. Freedom of will, not servitude. If you can open the door, and they don't run, that's love. Keeping the door closed isn't. Your gf is fucked in the head.
If you to through with the marriage, welcome to the rest of your life. Oh honey, it'll *never* happen again!
Why do you care? Whether he made the account or his sister did shouldn't matter.
How do people make it to the “fiance stage” with these kinds of issues unresolved? Effin unreal. Furthermore, how is a 35 year old woman so awkward about masturbation and walking on her partner doing it? You guys amish or something?
Am I being irrational? Should I be more considerate of her feelings here and not expect things to go back to normal so fast? Am I being dismissive of how big of a deal this actually is? I'm just confused and I feel like the woman I love is slipping away from me so it hurts. Do I just need to calm down and let things work themselves out or is this a sign of something bigger?
Things should never go away from normal because of something so basic.
“If you're even open to the possibility that we may break up, that's not commitment.”
Said the one who stepped out of a “committed” relationship and cheated.
Eh, it’s complicated. I don’t have an inherent problem with porn and I’m certain I watch it more than my male partner does. However, the culture of porn is trash and a lot of the porn that exists is misogynistic and gross. But ethical and not misogynistic porn is probably more available now than ever before.
It isn’t him. It’s her. Her lack of boundaries. Her inability to respect you. Sorry but this isn’t about John
My now wife lived an hour and a half away when we started dating. Worth it. Leave that trifling ho alone and go for the new girl
It's the emotional intimacy and closeness which makes me uncomfortable.
So there is already 'some mistrust and problems', like the commenter indicated.
He’s supposed to be my safe person and I want to feel that way, but don’t know how. How do I move past this feeling?
By getting the hell out of this bad relationship. No one needs to live! like this. You deserve to feel safe with your 'safe person' ALL the time!
Get it printed at a library, it’s usually quite affordable! My library only charges ten cents per page and you can print front & back for that price too,
Just that? There is plenty of way to make sure it doesn't happen
I am gonna give her once chance, if this incident comes up or she tried to make me hang out with the guy again, I will only be a neighbor to her.
I'd dump his lying manipulative ass. You broke up for a reason. You need to remember why.
Lol.
You two have only been together for six MONTHS! *3 weeks ago he quit his job because he wanted a break* *he asked me to move with him*
Dude needs you to move in with him so you can pay his rent and bills, Op.
Oh! BTW? You move in, you clean the house, buy groceries and cook for him! Also, do his laundry and don't complain about him playing video games all the while you are working!
He's stressed! He is out of sorts! He is trying SO hard to find a job! Why can you not be more understanding and supportive?!
If YOU don't pay his rent and pay his bills? YOU (and him) will be evicted! Be out on the streets!
He wants YOU to move in so YOU provide a roof, utilities and groceries.
Ack! Ack! and Ack!
Do not move in with him, Op.
Also very painfully true 🙁
That’s the key point though, they’re incompatible. There isn’t fault here.
I wish an hour lol 2 hours there and 2 hours back. She did offer to pay me for that but what made me upset was the fact that this was the only time she texted me. I honestly don’t know how she used to get to work but she said she didn’t even work the entire year before and starting to work now throughout the summer
My two cents, might be a little extremely but it really seems like she is trying to disconnect you from your friends. As you said, you both work from home, spend weekdays together and go on holidays regularly together.
There should be absolutely no issue with you hanging out with friends bi-weekly, that is absolutely ridiculous.
I have to agree, its also pretty ballsy to meet someone for the fist time at your place especially in this day and age. But if he actually likes you and wants something moe then no being turned down for sex on the first night should not bother him at all
Trust me, get a fan, don’t put your feet, shoulders, or hands under the blanket, put the fan either on your feet so it blows up the blanket or by your shoulders so it crosses your back. Your body temperature is largely dictated by your extremities, so if your feet and hands are hard, likely your whole body will be, if your feet and hands are cool, you’ll feel much more comfortable. Also if you’re okay with a little bit of money, lower your AC temp to around 68°-69°, she’ll be warm under the blanket and you with your extremities and shoulders sticking out will feel bliss.
I'm so sorry that this is adding so much stress over what's supposed to be an exciting moment for you!
I would tell him directly that you're not inviting him. Make it very clear he's not invited so he can't find another way to go, and blame it on you not being clear enough. I would tell everyone involved if they help him go to the graduation, you will be pissed and very angry with them.
Then i would look into talking to the school about this. There would be, I'm assuming, a way to prevent him from receiving a ticket from outside-your-family. There's usually lots of extra tickets sold by other families just out out live! so it would be very easy for your dad to just come regardless of your willingness to have him there.
Please do not get married to this guy
Im jumping on this comment because it's super important! Her life forward is of no concern to you. You need to stop checking her, because the mind works in devious ways. The better she does the worse you will. Because she betrayed you so naturally the mind thinks that this is pretty unfair.
And us humans have a tendency to take note of bad things rather than good. Meaning we become biased. Even if you have a super fun week, one bad day can ruin your whole mindset because we focus on the bad day instead of the awesome week.
Also dont let her cheating affect how you view people. It can lead to very dark places. Insecurity, jealousy and trust issues. These are not healthy issues to bring with when going in to a new relationship.
Stop looking back and start moving forward.
She sounds like she’s competing against you.
But you don’t have to be tactful if she’s being disrespectful, call her out on all those accusations.
First: Don't stop taking your medication just to have sex with this loser. Second: Break up with him. He doesn't make you happy. He is like an old habit that is bad for you. Get rid of you and you will feel better. To think that you stop medications, feel awful about weight, the women, whatever and what does he? He also does nothing about his problems to stay hard. And if i just read the title of your post of one year ago, this guy really doesn't seem like a win. Why oh why don't you break up?
You seems to be a great woman. You will find a partner you deserve with no problem! Stop staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy.
And i don't know if you already are in therapy, but if not, you should go. And take your medication again! Instead stopping to take them, you should talk with your doc if there is another kind that doesn't kill your sex-drive. But… were the medication really the cause?
I wish you the best ❤️
Divorce isn’t the worse outcome of a marriage. The judgement stands and the NOW was emphasized. She isn’t your grandmother and is clearly NOT ready to get married NOW. She is showing you that with her behaviour.
It’s probably time to push of planning period! If the wedding isn’t imminent, don’t focus on it at all, your woman is panicking! People your age should go ahead and enjoy a long, sexy, low stress engagement.
I know someone (a woman) who was sexually assaulted at 6 years old by a 12 year old boy. That is exactly what happened. He was 12 and so he was given grace and help because, again, he was 12. It's only anecdotal but I think you're choosing to have a problem when there doesn't need to be one.
Impressive amount of projection.
The part where you read her journal. That’s the worst part.
So he told you that he cheated on you and you're asking us if you should stay with him? The level of disrespect he is showing you is off the charts. At 29, you have many fertile years and he is fertile until he dies. There was ZERO reason for him to do this as he says he did.
I'd leave him.
I guess I should disclaim before more people repost judgmental comments about my friend.
I have a relaxed outlook on sex personally. So I can share an experience with someone and still be their friend. It’s not hard for me to switch or separate it. I don’t shed judgment on any of my friends for doing the same thing. Particularly with lesbian and bisexual friendships, a lot of us have hooked up with each other and are still friends. So if you don’t understand that I ask you to refrain from commenting something like “well duh she’s someone you f**cked” like my friend is some object. We’ve been through a lot together over the course of SEVEN years that means miles and miles more to me than something that we did as freshmen in college. Think about your own friendships that have lasted that long and what they mean to you before judging mine.
Obviously I dont want to just end things with my boyfriend over this and I made this post to get an understanding of what might be in his mind. And if it’s half as sexist and judgmental as these comments then us breaking up will be for the better.
Idk what to do bc I didn't want to hurt his feelings ;-; I assumed it would happen eventually but it hasn't.
And ppl tend to agree with me on that
bandwagon fallacy. you cannot speak for anyone but yourself, buddy. and you're making statements with no proof and expecting me to just believe it. that's illogical. please stop.
Good for you. You will come out of this stronger than you may think. You need time to adjust to being free of his abuse.
He didn't lose his keys, he needed to check up on you.
You didn't take his “family” away, he is trying to guilt you into staying in his abusive circle!
That is very kind of you. Thank you ? I did risk my future and kept her priorities above mine for years sometimes I will have it look at my own life too considering how much I’ve compromised being in the closet for her own sake.
Where the friends you were talking to men or women? She might have gotten the wrong impression and thought you were chatting up other women. Regardless the way she handled that was toxic and I recommend putting some distance in your relationship since this will not be a healthy one.
This improvement is not an improvement. It is still verbal abuse. Once you get battered enough (verbally or physically), it is nearly impossible to let it go and leave it behind.
Leave him, please. Contact your local domestic violence (verbal abuse is still abuse even if there has been no physical violence yet) center and ask to speak to a counselor. They will confirm that his behavior is something you don't need to accept. Talk to them about how to leave the relationship safely. They can also get you into therapy and provide other resources to help you (finding you a place to stay if you need it; recommending a locksmith to change your locks, etc.)
Be safe and be strong for yourself.
F is behaving this way because he’s not over you and still sees you as “his” and doesn’t like that you’re trying to move on. This is honestly unhinged behavior if he’s stalking you to this degree and trying to ruin K’s social life as well. The only reason he started all this was because he found out you were friends with an ex-friend of his. Not even dating, you’re were friends and he flipped his lid. He sounds like he could get a dangerous fast, so please please never meet this man alone. And also contact the authorities the next time he shows up at your work and make it clear to your boss he is harassing/stalking you. You should be allowed to be safe at work at the absolute least.
Seems like your boyfriend rather wants a relationship with that girl friend of his than with you. When she's not around you are his consolation prize.
Is there a way to do this that makes everyone happy?
This relationship is between you and your boyfriend, your moms happiness doesn't matter here.
Also, to “make” him ask her is not a good idea. Why force traditional norms onto 2 people who have never adhered to traditional norms before? This sounds like a power play by your mom for whatever weird reason and I would not placate that behavior. Let her be upset over this, she will get over it quickly.
Then she should wait till she gets her wedding ring if she wants a better ring. If you don’t dump her ass that is.
I had an anxiety attack a few weeks back because she had told me that he is a good friend who’s making her happy when I can’t while she’s lonely at home and I’m working and it made me feel that the relationship is compromised.
This sums up everything about the situation of OP's marriage and his value as a partner according to her wife. While he is working and providing for her she's finding comfort & happiness with someone else. Add her lying, getting defensive, asking the other guy to lie and shifting the blame on OP.
A textbook situation for an affair. This is high time for OP to re-evaluate the relationship as he's getting the responsibilities in their relationship and the intimate & fun side of the relationship is being offered to that “friend”.
If OP dies have kids, so it will be best for them to leave.
Oh boy. Dude has a major problem. What in the actual F?
That shit is addicted and it’s designed to be. He needs to completely step away from the games for awhile. In a week he will realize he doesn’t need to play.
He needs to realize he isn’t thinking for just him. He has a partner and will have a family one day. They are more important than fifa points
Well.. she isn’t travelling alone, she would pay only around 50% of everything AND she would be travelling instead of working and being by herself. Isn’t that worth at least a few hundred box? They could also travel to cheaper cities etc..
I once saved tons of money by travelling to a neighboring country for a few months, and I didn’t even share costs.
Right, we don’t know what that pressure looks like. Is it them begging him to do more, or is it then refusing to be helpful because they don’t believe her?
Time to take away the choice, make it for him and just ditch this abuser. How sad will you really be without this walking hand grenade around?