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rayraysita chat
Date: October 16, 2022
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rayraysita chat
So many people jumping to conclusions all over this thread… Really shows the biases this sub has
I would not send it. I would simply keep chatting and building a new friendship. The relationship post-mortem will happen; it always does. Let it be a natural extension of your conversations because if she does NOT want to discuss that, and you send your message, she may just stop talking.
The fact that he’s “curious” means he has already checked out of your relationship. If he were happy and committed, why would he even want to know what the dating pool is like? What happens next time he feels bored? I would just end it here, he’s not showing a whole lot of respect for you.
All the little shit show of a relationship the two of you going on, just curious how much more do you make?
You can't fix a leech!!
I agree with you OP. If he feels uncomfortable with it, he should take it up with his brother not you. What does he expect you to do, it was just as unexpected for you as it was for everyone else. You don't deserve to be treated like you are cheating/enabling the brother. He shouldn't be punishing you for this, like because you didn't want to be rude you're now untrustworthy. This is should be sorted out between them, don't get involved, don't start acting differently(cold) towards the brother on his behalf, maybe establish distance/boundaries between you and the brother if you feel like he is into you but yeah, this isn't your fault so just carry on as usual. Don't tolerate this behavior either.
He got a donkeys brain and probably missed one semester worth of biology class to come to that conclusion. Without paternity testing, physical features isn’t a reliable way of determining parentage.
OP, you are very fortunate to have married someone that actually wants the best for you. He cares about you. He's trying to elevate and empower you. He's being a real friend to you here and I would heed his advice. It's actually very healthy and positive.
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I think you should say something along the lines of:
“Hey, I know you've been waiting on me to pop the big question, so I wanted to update you on that. I want to make sure I get you a ring you love and unfortunately there have been repeated issues getting exactly the metals and the right mounting and the ring has had to be sent back many times. I want to make sure you'll really really love the ring, so that's why its been taking so long. I'm sorry its taking so long, I'm really frustrated by the situation too but its going to be a little bit longer.”
You nailed it the first time man.
some guys like to have the “girlfriend experience” without the commitment implied, or the monogamy. I'd suggest having a serious talk especially since you are developing feelings.
That's the main thing. Be aware there are quite a few, and keep a look out for it. Your mind might lie to you and say things like “There is no way that guy is interested in me” or “He's just being nice, it's not really a compliment.” That's just your mind lying and it will do that a lot when you get your ego shredded the way your ex did yours.
Her contacting you doesn’t violate the protective order, since it binds you, not her. If you answer her, you would be in violation if the order and could be arrested. (But nothing would happen to her.) Safest bet is to have zero contact with her, including in the courtroom. Don’t sit anywhere near her, don’t to her, don’t wave at her, nothing. If she drops the DVPO then you can communicate, but then you have to figure out your next move.
Yeah maybe act before V day.
Run as far as you can from her.
Catch your breath.
Then run farther away.
you’re right with the last part, i think i just need to voice myself again. and again.
You coped with the situation the way that worked for you and you were single at the time, end of story. Having read your replies however, getting back with this guy sounds like a way worse idea than hooking up a day after the break up.
A lot of affairs thrive in the drama and excitement. Cheaters also use triangulation to keep both the spouse and the affair partner focussed on them. Removing yourself the way you did takes away his excitement and likely makes him look less appealing to her.
He also relied on you to fill the role of Wife Appliance, a roll the affair partner likely doesn’t want to fill.
In short you took away his toys and ruined his fun.
Abusive manipulators by default think everything is about them, and they're required to be catered to by those they control. He's lost control of you. It kills his ego and pride that you're not a lost, withering mess without him. He also may likely be internally pissed at himself for causing this, but that's too uncomfy, so he must turn his feelings about himself toward you. You saw this all through your abusive relationship. He blamed you for his actions. This is no different.
Keep living your best life and don't let him have power to control your peace.
That's a rude way to greet anyone!
Is saying that, 20-30min phone calls three times a day is excessive. Most people would be annoyed by this, and resolve to snapping.
You are meant to be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, but you're already having “frequent disagreements”. I would be asking if you guys were actually compatible.
I must quote the scripture “I'm keeping the dog, dumbass”.
I was trying very hot to keep cool while flipping my shit inside.
I think this is the crux of your mistake – stop trying to keep cool. Your partner lied to you – you don't just “feel like” he lied, it was absolutely a lie and also, if you ask me, theft- and this soft language and attempts to keep cool are not helping you. Your partner is dishonest, which is a red flag, and he is trying to make this “not a big deal” while it 1000% is a big deal, so ACT as if it is. Stop keeping cool, put your foot down.
There are more red flags here, btw. Like the fact that your fiance does not believe in financial infidelity – like what? Sooo… he can also commit this financial infidelity and it's not a problem, since it “doesn't exist”. Explains why he STOLE your money and sees no issue with it… All in all, there's consistency here. But it should worry you.
Getting defensive when a legit issue is brought up is also a red flag, a big one. How can you ever discuss any problems and resolve them, if he just gets defensive and shuts the convo down? The answer is, you can't… I don't even know how to build a serious partnership if you can't have those conversations with your partner.
An orange flag I see is that you believe having your own money in your own account is abusive. That is completely absurd, and I took a double-take when i read it. But you got this idea from somewhere… was it your fiance? Because if it was then YIKES ON TRIKES.
That is literally something you don't hide from future partners. This is a massive red flag and a really shitty thing to do.
Oh, I would text him, just to tell him what a crazy intrusive controlling nosy female dog his girlfriend is. I bet she'd love to read that.
Even for someone not going through mental health support, this age gap would be innapropriate and would put him in a position of power over you.
Given that you are going through changes in your life and are seeking support for that, he is definitely in a higher than normal level of power and he should know that getting close to you physically and emotionally is wrong and manipulative.
It's OK for you to be confused about your feelings, it's not ok for him to be encouraging or pursuing you.
I think you need to distance yourself from him and talk to someone about your feelings and how to work through them.
you're too young to waste time with someone you're no longer attracted to, especially in such a short time. there's nothing to fix, nothing really lost, nothing to gain in staying, so just leave
Don’t bother with her
There's nothing wrong with what you wrote, ignore the people who are telling you that there is. How I might handle this with your girlfriend is ask her to explain what she's upset about, and try to listen to understand and acknowledge your feelings, but you don't necessarily have to take responsibility for them or apologize. She may feel better just being heard. Or maybe there's an issue there you can fix, like you're not so quick to praise her and she feels badly about it. The solution might not be apologizing for what you said about your friend, but looking at what you say about your girlfriend.
If your girlfriend frequently monitors your social media interactions or frequently gets jealous, my advice might be different.
She doesn't want to break up. She wants to control you more.
Think of the living situation. You are bringing in the income, doing a good part of the chores, but you still do things that she doesn't like. If she breaks up with you she loses all of that.
Have you seen her take any action to protect herself from losing income? Has she looked for another place to on-line? Has she done anything to prepare her for a life outside of your support?
I'm guessing she has not, which leads me to believe that she wants you to give in to her demands in order to keep the relationship going. Would that make you happier? Do you see this being her last demand if you give in?
I echo the sentiment of many others on here, let the relationship end and focus on yourself. Sever contact with her completely once she is out of the apartment. Odds are she will try to rekindle the relationship once it has sunken in to her that you are actually serious about ending things.
If he has a good track record, I wouldn't worry. My brain plays games with me too so I know where you're at. I try to base my reactions off facts rather than my emotions because I can be irrational. However, your emotions are valid and he should be making you feel better and not gaslighting you into thinking you're overreacting.
He’s been trying to get me to say I had feelings for months at this point. I have gone back and forward and have even told him I did just to get him to stop. But I didn’t, because I truly didn’t feel anything
so it's not like im an abusive partner plus guys can handle being hit by a women if it was the other way around and he punched me I could have been seriously injured and hurt
Oh. So you're THAT troll who occasionally makes very brief, absurd posts just like this one where you're a woman who physically abuses her boyfriend and then claims it's not abuse because you're a woman. I've seen you post numerous times before here and it's not getting any less old.