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lupitalovee chat
Date: October 16, 2022
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lupitalovee chat
It seems like you may be looking at your relationship with you ex through rose-tinted glasses, Do you think because the person you dated was so terrible that maybe it caused it's own trauma so you're looking at your ex like he wasn't that bad?
It's great that you can get along now as co-parents but it doesn't sound like it was the best relationship for you. Don't sell yourself short. It's okay to be single instead of a relationship that will wear down your self-esteem.
No, not worth it. It's a dead end.
Oh girl, your boyfriend is actually wrong here.
In my opinion, couples can either split bills 50/50 or proportionate to income. If they do 50/50, then it needs to be based on the budget of the LOWER earner. So if I can afford $2k in rent, my partner can afford $1k, and we want to split 50/50, then we go with the $1k budget. So with that as a backdrop, here are all your issues separated out:
You cannot afford the rent he wants to charge you. You have other options that are within your price range, so moving in with what he wants to charge doesn't make sense, because why would you take a second job given what he is offering? He wants you to pay mostly half of the mortgage, but is not giving you access to half the space. Dealbreaker for me in ANY roommate situation. If your name is not on the house, no, you should not pay any of the “debt” for upgrades. You aren't nickel and diming. When you are on a limited budget, $50 is a lot of money. Out of college at my first job, $50 was basically my grocery budget for the month. Your boyfriend is already demonstrating that this will be his home and he doesn't care about your opinion. He will smoke weed in the home, he will have people stay over without asking, he will not let you have your own space. He literally said no to you having a quiet space, so don't think that will change. He puts you down when you don't agree with him. The two of you can disagree, but cash is king; if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Instead of working through that, he has decided to call you “sly” and trying to get one over on him, and telling you that you are wrong about your own budget- no girl, no one tells you what you can/can't afford. Given this long drawn out issue, you two are not ready to move in together, and I think you would not just be miserable living with him, it likely would lead to a break up. Reading your story, a fair split to me would be: Utilities 50/50, $500 in rent if you don't get one of the spare rooms to yourself (mostly to yourself), $650 if you did get a spare room to yourself, no repairs, no upgrade responsibility. He is getting equity in the house, so I would always say the person who doesn't own the home shouldn't pay half, so if it is a $2,000 mortgage, something like $700 would be fair, but that is when you have equal access to the space. He won't let you decorate, you would only have the shared bedroom and the other rooms would be his, so $700 even feels to much to me.
I think for now, you are better off sticking it out another year with your parents (trust me, as a 40 year old, I wish I could live at home and save just one more time!), or renting with your sister, someone that you can actually compromise with and aren't already struggling with.
And let me be very clear to you: your boyfriend is handling this all wrong, and clearly trying to get you to pay for his own decisions, while also making it seem like he is helping you out. That is a big red flag, as he won't admit he needs your help, is absolutely nickel and diming you to get money for himself, and putting you down when you don't agree with him. Do NOT move in with this man.