Know that revealing this secret could get her killed. Be gentle in how mad you are at her for hiding it.
That said, there are a lot of things you need to think about. You need to talk this out.
Do you have family or friends with shared beliefs whom she would trust you outing her too? If not, you might need to find a support group or therapist.
If you leave, that's OK. This is huge and life changing for you.
Believe me brother I've tried to make it an activity. She always just says she's tired and asks me to do it for the past few months. I love her but I can't keep this up any longer. There's a difference between compromising and settling with the outcome.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Well you are not going to have children no matter how old you are if you are not intimate with your husband. You're much too young for the two of you to be not sexually involved. Lets fix this problem first or is it time to move on to new partners where your both on the same page about procreation
he’s insecure that you value self-pleasure over him. He is in his head that your toys provide a better experience for you than he can. Seems like he tried to stick it through but is clearly very sensitive about it and not accepting.
I don’t think this is an uncommon or inappropriate boundary to set. Yes toys or no toys.. Have a serious discussion about it and suggest he get toys of his own, or if you heavily value the relationship- pause the toys and attend counseling.
his worry of you not being “tight enough” is more about him being “big enough”.
So.. I get you feel bad and everything. I understand that your condition affects the way you behave
but
all I read is “I, my, me”… as in ” I feel bad” “i am lonely” “i miss being with her”..
If you really love her and care about her, you should be glad that she is happy and doing better. You still have a long way ahead and .. you broke her heart, several times. All those times you rejected her, she felt bad, lonely etc. Now is time for her to heal. beause it is not your fault, but it is not hers either.
Sometimes we need to know when to let go, not be selfish, and undertand that we burnt some bridges. Then move on and try to be better with the next person.
To me it sounds like you feel worse about not having anyone than about not having her.
You need to take care of yoruself for a while. Please do not rebound right away. Seek therapy, probably meds,… it wont be fast, it will take longer than 1 week or 3 months. At random days you will feel that you are great and dont need doc/meds anymore and you will be tempted to stop. Don't.
But please, for now… leave her alone. Let her rebuild her life. I assure you she suffered longer than when you decided to break up. This doesnt usually happen overnight.
Some don’t give Numbers so they can hide others so they can Run – but if you live! close enough to meet up then hurry up and meet for a drink – coffee Tea or me ? get her number then or be glad you never swapped
Because she was the only one who knew the pregnancy was real and that the babies had been delivered. She had blocked him from contacting her and had moved away. Thats why. There is no proof either way he would or wouldnt have been a responsible parent upon being notified that his children were born. That was opportunity was taken from him.
You can’t “try” to change cruise dates. It’s a cruise. The boat leaves when the boat leaves, and she’s at the mercy of her mothers schedule. There’s literally nothing about that she could have changed, her lol scheduled it. Her mom would most likely take a crazy financial hit to do something like that if she even could. That’s a strange stance to take.
After you said “our anniversary is on x date” did she say anything? Acknowledge that? I literally would have just said, looks like we’re celebrating when I get back from a paid vacation lol.
About the thanksgiving thing, clearly you’re both immature. That doesn’t make it better. Unless you had thanksgiving plans that got canceled due to you picking up shifts, or you pick up shifts often and it felt like a consistent issue. That doesn’t make you being upset about this any more reasonable.
It’s a two year “anniversary” of when you started dating. I mean come on.
Couples counseling and postpone the wedding. These issues will NOT just go away. Get a counselor who specializes in sex and relationships because you both deserve to be heard and feel desired and if your husband has an actual problem with porn he needs to see an individual counselor
If you don’t stand up for yourself and go stay at his this Christmas you’ll never get out of her control.
Go stay at the BF house and tell her to mind her own business.
Know that revealing this secret could get her killed. Be gentle in how mad you are at her for hiding it.
That said, there are a lot of things you need to think about. You need to talk this out.
Do you have family or friends with shared beliefs whom she would trust you outing her too? If not, you might need to find a support group or therapist.
If you leave, that's OK. This is huge and life changing for you.
She is banging someone else
Believe me brother I've tried to make it an activity. She always just says she's tired and asks me to do it for the past few months. I love her but I can't keep this up any longer. There's a difference between compromising and settling with the outcome.
Hello /u/Cry_Macho,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
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Did you ask what they were talking about? “Hey, what were you guys talking about?” Literally that simple.
Well you are not going to have children no matter how old you are if you are not intimate with your husband. You're much too young for the two of you to be not sexually involved. Lets fix this problem first or is it time to move on to new partners where your both on the same page about procreation
Yeah, you're probably right. But I really liked her. She was nice
he’s insecure that you value self-pleasure over him. He is in his head that your toys provide a better experience for you than he can. Seems like he tried to stick it through but is clearly very sensitive about it and not accepting.
I don’t think this is an uncommon or inappropriate boundary to set. Yes toys or no toys.. Have a serious discussion about it and suggest he get toys of his own, or if you heavily value the relationship- pause the toys and attend counseling.
his worry of you not being “tight enough” is more about him being “big enough”.
So.. I get you feel bad and everything. I understand that your condition affects the way you behave
but
all I read is “I, my, me”… as in ” I feel bad” “i am lonely” “i miss being with her”..
If you really love her and care about her, you should be glad that she is happy and doing better. You still have a long way ahead and .. you broke her heart, several times. All those times you rejected her, she felt bad, lonely etc. Now is time for her to heal. beause it is not your fault, but it is not hers either.
Sometimes we need to know when to let go, not be selfish, and undertand that we burnt some bridges. Then move on and try to be better with the next person.
To me it sounds like you feel worse about not having anyone than about not having her.
You need to take care of yoruself for a while. Please do not rebound right away. Seek therapy, probably meds,… it wont be fast, it will take longer than 1 week or 3 months. At random days you will feel that you are great and dont need doc/meds anymore and you will be tempted to stop. Don't.
But please, for now… leave her alone. Let her rebuild her life. I assure you she suffered longer than when you decided to break up. This doesnt usually happen overnight.
Some don’t give Numbers so they can hide others so they can Run – but if you live! close enough to meet up then hurry up and meet for a drink – coffee Tea or me ? get her number then or be glad you never swapped
Because she was the only one who knew the pregnancy was real and that the babies had been delivered. She had blocked him from contacting her and had moved away. Thats why. There is no proof either way he would or wouldnt have been a responsible parent upon being notified that his children were born. That was opportunity was taken from him.
You can’t “try” to change cruise dates. It’s a cruise. The boat leaves when the boat leaves, and she’s at the mercy of her mothers schedule. There’s literally nothing about that she could have changed, her lol scheduled it. Her mom would most likely take a crazy financial hit to do something like that if she even could. That’s a strange stance to take.
After you said “our anniversary is on x date” did she say anything? Acknowledge that? I literally would have just said, looks like we’re celebrating when I get back from a paid vacation lol.
About the thanksgiving thing, clearly you’re both immature. That doesn’t make it better. Unless you had thanksgiving plans that got canceled due to you picking up shifts, or you pick up shifts often and it felt like a consistent issue. That doesn’t make you being upset about this any more reasonable.
It’s a two year “anniversary” of when you started dating. I mean come on.
Couples counseling and postpone the wedding. These issues will NOT just go away. Get a counselor who specializes in sex and relationships because you both deserve to be heard and feel desired and if your husband has an actual problem with porn he needs to see an individual counselor
We can talk and explain our situation