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Date: October 22, 2022
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I think the drunk call asking to be official was your sign. She was ready for a commitment from you, and you weren't there yet. So she waited more. And still, no commitment. Your time ran out. She wanted someone who was decisive, and you stalled.
From the sounds of it your marriage is over. If you were not ever comfortable with it in the first place you never should have said maybe someday. But it is still not your fault it's his. It's time to get divorced and move on with your life.
It might be scary to you but trust me I'm divorced and it's not as scary as you think.
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Thank you for that… Seems fair. I guess I just have to give myself time to heal
she is what I would say completely head over heels for me
Obviously not. Someone “head over heels” for someone else, doesn't even think of cheating on them, no matter how drunk.
What she is is good at faking being head over heels.
Don't marry a cheater.
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Eh, she kind of also offloaded the guilt for no other reason than to let OP deal with it. Doesn’t seem that commendable to me.
I don’t think she’s cheating no she’s always been someone very loyal. She dresses her most sexy with me but even when without me some of the outfits are really borderline inappropriate or just needlessly showy for the activity such as just going to the local shop. We live together and I’ve noticed the mountain of deliveries we get each week from girls clothing brands I’ve never heard of or seen her shop from with all these glam dresses etc. and when I ask her about it she just says “I’m trying something new don’t you like it” to which I say yes because I of course think she looks absolutely amazing and I don’t ever want to be a controlling boyfriend but at this point I can’t help but feel concerned.
She thinks I’m too good of a person. That’s just how I am. I have to work with these people daily. Im just being a good co worker noting malicious.
and shes looking at my stories and posting shit when she said shes busy… like thats def a lie or somethin
You guys were basically broken up. You get back together and he is making you feel like crap. Sounds like being broken up was the better answer. You might want to make it work but seems like he doesn’t…
“Her messages made light of this and conceded that I'll surely fail.”
This is not what venting sounds like.
“Am I being played?”
If you're still uncertain, just give it time and I'm certain you'll find out the truth in 6 months.
his response is that he may as well just not talk to me since everything he says is wrong and that i always make him the villain
It would greatly help to know in more detail how these petty arguments go.
am i villainising him? or am i just expressing my feelings? is it manipulative?
It could be both, it could be neither. It could be just plain incompatibility and dislike of some of his traits. Its very hot to tell from your post.
The bigger issue is that you brought it up to him and he's essentially telling you hey, you can't bring these up to me even if you do feel that way because they make me feel like you're villainizing me. Then you left out where the conversation goes from there. From there you're supposed to say I'm sorry you feel that way but I have these issues and if we want our relationship to work and be stronger I'm bringing these up so we can work on it together.
As it stands it sounds like you're both somewhat failing to communicate. At least its not clear in your post if that's just where you two stop and you end up apologizing and moving forward.
TL;DR He's allowed to tell you he feels villainized the same you're allowed to tell him you don't like his tone or want him to compliment you more. But in order to move forward healthily you both need to do more than just apologize.
Congratuuuuulaaations! You have just been introduced to double Standards. Get ready. It won't be the last of these events.
Fuck his shit up and you better dump her ass.
Never get back with an ex.
Ever heard of building a connection bud? You can rebuild a connection you just have to work for it
Not just a housewife, but a housewife who works and pays half the bills too.
I totally get why you might be feeling hurt. But this is what a break is sometimes.
It sounds like what your partner is saying is they want to explore what it’s like to be single. And there are a multitude of reasons why they might be feeling that way. You two have been steadily committed to each other for as long as you two have been adults. And that’s wonderful. But maybe she’s wondering if she missed out on some life experiences in that interim. Maybe she’s just didn’t see herself settling down this early in life and what’s to try more of the dating world in the interim. I have no doubt you both have given each other your very best throughout this time… but maybe that’s just not what they need or want right now.
It’s tough to hear and harder to take sometimes. But if they’re feeling this way, you just have to let them go. If it’s meant to be, they’ll find their way back. If not, then you’ll be grateful for the good times. All that said though, I don’t see how it’s helpful for anyone for you two to still be “friends” or communicating right now. It’s not productive for either of you.
If she truly wants to explore this world, she should do it as a totally free, single woman, and not flaunt it or parade it in front of you. If she wants to keep you in her world then she should maybe reconsider these experiences and decide if they’re truly worth it. But this weird middle ground situation youre in is only going to feel worse by the day.
Maybe the friend just told you that to get you off of him so she could have him
Cuss him and out and make sure he knows beyond doubt of confusion that it pisses you off and is unacceptable
I don’t think this is too good…….
YTA. 100%, no question.
“I've been asking him to talk to his friends more and seek their advice…” play stupid games and win stupid prizes. You thought he was being unreasonable and that his friends would talk sense into him so you didn't have to keep arguing.
Ita time to move on. Find someone more compatible.
What do you mean by you are trying not to breakup? If that is the natural trajectory of the relationship then it is. The way you wrote, it clearly shows he is no longer equally invested in this relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who just tolerates you instead of celebrating your love?
Also, unsolicited advice : 5 years of gap is not a huge gap if you are both in your 30s or one of them is in late 20s because your mental development is not that drastically different but I can’t imagine what an 18 year old and a 23 year old even talk about, so I personally would recommend dating someone closer to your age.
Your gf is in the wrong but it doesn’t seem she’s able to understand she’s wrong. It doesn’t seem like she has the emotional intelligence to see she’s wrong and doesn’t show you compassion and empowering. She sounds so overwhelmed with feeling rejected by you that she cannot see that she’s the selfish one. Something about your relationship is really triggering her and she’s missing you and missing what you all had – the connection, the visits and “normal” relationship stuff. But she is being incredibly immature and a bad partner. She needs to put herself in perspective and realize you are the one who needs the support, attention, she is the one who needs to visit, school is very hot but I’d travel for a weekend to support my partner.
You have bigger things to worry about than this girlfriend, unfortunately. And life takes crazy turns without notice or warning. Sometimes young people who haven’t had to deal with intense heartbreak, can’t seem to understand what losing a parent is like or h I guess a dying relative. It’s really nude but it’s part of being human to be respectful and loving in the hardest times. You deserve a partner who will be with you during the hot times. Doesn’t seem she’s ready to step up like you need her to.
So why does he have to accept your views?
Sounds like you think your views are the only correct ones, and he is wrong. Learn to agree on disagreeing. Otherwise, a relationship won't work.