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Room for online sex video chat LadyRosse-
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Subculture: subcultureHousewives
Date: October 23, 2022
You should also distract yourself too, there may be a completely different reason!
Try talking to your friends or watching a movie!
This is asking for trouble it never goes well… it’s like finding out your partner cheated and you want to know where they did it how they did it but really don’t want to know but we do… oof
I have a rule that I respect my partner and don't ogle women in front of them. I'm not blind though, so I notice women. When I was out with my ex-wife, she used to often say things like, “that top looks really nice on her.” This gave me an excuse to look. I'm not sure how conscious it was on her part, but it was nice to be able to look and remain respectful to my wife.
Porn has never changed the way I feel about my partner, but I would be lying if I said masturbation never cut into my sex life. Porn can be unhealthy, and it can cause issues. It isn't going away though. Nearly every guy watches porn.
Maybe it would help to remember that porn is fantasy. We don't fantasize about what we have, we fantasize about what we don't have. That doesn't mean we don't appreciate what is in front of us.
You have to tell your boyfriend and totally pull away from your friend.
I don’t know …. I like him lol
You are not overreacting at all. Something is up. I would feel terrible if my bf acted like this with any ‘friend’. She prioritizes him! She basically pranked you when you were sick. I wouldn’t want to be with her anymore tbh.
That's not childish. Maybe different than how you talk but not childish.
Tell them that you are staying with her and if they have a problem with that then they can keep it to themselves. You are potentially burning a bridge with your brother but there's not much you can do about that.
You have been together since May. Until you have been together for at least a year she really shouldn't be going to tons of events with you anyways but everyone's relationship is different in that way. If you feel she should be invited but isn't, you may have to not go yourself until they can realize you are a package deal and they can't get away with disrespecting your relationship.
People don't act nice when you suggest they're a bad parent because you aren't reading replies to questions I've already answered
She ain’t your gf no more.
Does it need to be strict?
But having not idea is very different
So am I. How is that relevant?
Seriously, what a tool. He needs help going to the bathroom then pouts that they didn't order first? Literally cannot speak when hangry? Why do I get the feeling that if this was a work lunch it would've gone very differently.
Yep this was about to be my response.
This man is married/ lives with a woman.
Typical married man behavior.
Why would you apologize for her lying to you?
This sounds like the healthiest option. Keeping your abuser around you is not something that will benefit your healing.
As a woman I cannot understand how your mom just swept this under the rug and even laughed at you. It makes me wanna give you a hug. I hope you find comfort in your SO and get plenty of support, hugs and love from them.
I don’t know if I could forgive my mother for a reaction like that and would probably also limit contact with her, but I don’t know your whole family situation. What I do know is that you deserved better back then and still do now. Remember, family is made from love, not blood. It’s okay to remove yourself from toxic situations, even if the people involved claim that family is more important. It isn’t.
This is what I was thinking. If these are guys that his GF talks to, then this is really shitty and shady behavior on her part. If she considers these guys friends and she’s letting talk about OP like this, not backing him up and not laying down boundaries, I would move on.
If these are random dudes sliding in her DMs who she ignores, then yeah OP just needs to chill out and ignore it.
So have your own wedding. Pay for it yourself. You two are old enough to support yourselves.
Good god, i do not miss my 20s.
Except OP has posted this before and is now reposting to amend the amount of time he spends with his dog. He's painting a beautiful picture of how awful his wife is being but the truth is the problem is OP doesn't take proper care of his dogs and likely is immune to the pleas of his wife to do something about it.
You both work but she does the cooking and the cleaning. You need to split the chores, it does not matter that you make more.
A bit over 10 months
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continuing with his behavior and lying constantly to hide it is exactly what he’s done, it’s the lack of respect and honesty. that’s the problem. main reason why it makes me uncomfortable is because of the one time we got into an argument over this and he called me a pick me, said that it was annoying that i kept bringing it up and i quote “your attitude towards what i do in private is so ugly, that’s why i jerk off to them to relieve the stress that you’ve caused me” lmao
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Thank you for this I understand clearly now , my partner has been the best since the beginning and got into a horrible situation , there was no reason at all that could have made me doubt them it’s just me and my self doubt that cause the trouble (and the reality is that it’s often me that cause situation like that) thank you for this message to make me realize the truth and stopping me from putting my partner in a uncomfortable situation , they will see when they wake up all the deleted messages in WhatsApp and I promised to never lie to them so I will probably be honest saying I overthinked over air again , I needed this have a nice day
Yikes. Honestly I see nothing worth saving. Except maybe your self-esteem. You can do that by telling her it's over.
Him and I were long distance dating so my police can’t really do much
That's because you are using relationships as a bandaid solution for your unprocessed trauma and emotion. You will never be happy as long as you avoid that, and being slightly less miserable in an abusive relationship than alone is…not really an improvement in all honesty.
You need therapy.
Go to the Dollar store and buy a pill box with days of the week. Fill it with one pill for every day yourself and insist that she only use this in the bedroom. Also, ask her to talk to her physician about her sleep problem. As a long-term insomniac (family problem), Benadryl is NOT in my arsenal of sleep supports.
It's not even about their potential timelines….OP says she's asexual (hates thinking about having sex with him) and doesn't see herself being with him longterm…so she should bring up these things too because they're most likely dealbreakers.
Same. Being able to go for a drink first changed my entire dating/sex life
Christ on a bike.
Primal lizard brain? You don’t need to virtue signal. That’s a normal brain.
I’m usually a very forgiving person and not someone who holds grudges, so every time something happened i would brush it off. But this is the first time he has excluded me from a group event, which is probably why everyone knew I was going.
People masturbate and sometimes it’s not even about wanting sex. As long as his masturbating doesn’t effect your sex life it shouldn’t be a problem.
Thank you!! If we do end it, I think we will both grow from this and if we do find our ways back to each other then perfect, but if not then it was good while it lasted.
Thank you
shock to me and even worse shock to him.
How are the two of you this old and still shocked over the fact that the pull out method doesn't work? Have y'all heard of condoms?
Will his attitude every change…
Maybe but probably not.
He sounds like a real piece of shit, girl. You deserve loving support, not toxicity and judgment.
My honest opinion is that you are both acting with no integrity. Integrity is top on my list and it covers a lot. She either tells him or you stop. She’s using you. You’re cheapening yourself. That’s my take. It will end with a lot of pain. Your pain. Because she’s got a man. You’ll be alone. Internet mom here.
It's not rude, it's just addressing the problem head on. I see no issue with doing this in their home.
If the OP was racist and being racist in their home then that would be inappropriate.
Hey. Good for you. I responded to my first post. I was also a personal trainer and dealt with inappropriate comments from all of them. Once. It never happened twice. And I fortunately was never propositioned like you were. The first time someone made any sort of sexual comment, I would say Strike one and if there’s a second strike I walk out the door. I would laugh but they absolutely knew I was serious. I’m really glad you told him and really really glad you didn’t throw eggs at her house! You have to be careful. It’s a sad reality.
Human beings are fickle and irrational. We're often self-contradictory. It's just sort of the way it is. As you go through life, you will have a lot of experiences where people do things that don't make sense. If you try too very hot to figure them out, you'll make yourself nuts.
Maybe he likes you, but something else got in the way. Maybe he's triggered by PDA. Maybe it's an entirely different thing. Human beings are confusing because we often confused. If you really want to understand his behavior, that's about the best you can do. It's not necessarily going to be rational.
Being on neutral terms is not the same as participating in a forced friendship with consistent social interaction. This isn't one event that the op is being excluded from because his ex will be there. This is the foundation for how their group dynamic will work and it's fair for her to not feel comfortable with seeing him at every social gathering.
He acts like these are just his friends despite the fact that they decided that seeing her was enough of a priority to split invitations between the two of them.
Not a partner but a very kind, self proclaimed feminist woman I really respected I had been dating ditched me in a heartbeat when she showed up to a date with me and I was in tears.
I had gotten the call on the way over that my mother had severe cancer. I told her that, she left and I never heard from her again. Some women will never respect you if you let the perfect masculine face slip even once.
You don't. He is who he is, you can't manipulate him out of his beliefs.
There is no right time to have kids. You sound like in a just fine space to have them. It sounds like he's making excuses or not telling you the full truth, instead it sounds like he's delaying until its “too late” for you, and you'll be forced into his idea. You shoukd attend therpay asap to ascertain for certain if he does or doesn't want kids, I fear he's been leading ypu on in the hopes that you'll change your mind.
I am sorry man. But you don't really have a right to be hurt by her actions.
If you have feelings for her, do something about it and tell her!
Don't pretend to be her friend while you manifest this imaginary reletionship with her in your mind. You're jealous because its not you.
And if you do tell her. Don't take the “I am hurt because you slept with someone and I like you” approach.
You leave that tid-bit off the table and you tell her how you see potential to be more than friends and see her reaction.
People in healthy relationships don’t end up on Reddit posting massive screeds detailing totally abuse behavior.
You deserve someone who has your back, who is the wind in your sails, who makes you feel like you can take on the world. There’s someone like that out there waiting for you, and you’re wasting time with this asshole. Please, wake up!
I actually would like to start playing the piano again and I'm considering getting a keyboard.
Confused as to the black velvet comment ?
Your feelings are valid and reasonable. But only time will solve your problems. Everyone has insecurities. Everyone feels jealous. It's ok to feel inadequate as a partner. Younger people are overall the most popular age group and it's flattering to be chosen by them as people who are closer to middle ages or older. Especially younger guy older woman relationships arent so normalized in society so most women avoid such relations but that 21 yo managed to do it somehow. I dont think 14 years age gap is healthy but it was a ons anyways. You dont need to feel so shitty over something so insignificant
Yeah, lots of people that age aren't old enough to know better. Lots more know better but would rather fuck what's right in favor of what's fun. There's a Taylor swift song about the age…
Damn who tf are you? I’m in an open relationship, this is my girlfriend I’m talking about not the hook up I had. How do you know my post history?
Having pets is not a slippery slope.. And its not his place to tell her what to do. I understand that men are personally have issues with the reality that many woman prefer the company of an animals over the company of men.. And I understand that many men have a really very hot time coping when they can't control the woman their dating… But its not our job to coddle men's insecurities and fragile egos.
And I have 6 cats 2 dogs, 6 kids, and a husband that loves animals just as much as I do and we've been married for 20 yrs.
You know what you need to do.
You know he isn't going to change. You also know that his conduct may eventually spill over to your children. You know you are being verbally and mentally abused.
What are you terrified about divorce? That you won't have access to money? That you won't have a man in your life? That you have to do things on your own?
Those are things YOU can work on.
If you know deep down this man is toxic and you need to leave, then step one is making a timeline and plan for that to happen.
You need to trade your feelings of fear and dependency with anger and determination that you do not wish to on-line another five years with this bullshit.
Start recognizing him for the devil he is. Stop romanticizing the situation and hope that another ten pounds is going to save your marriage.
Focus on improving your self esteem and mental health. The physical will follow.
As far as custody, unless you are unfit due to untreated mental health issues, alcoholism, drugs or you abandon or don't take care of your kids, he won't “take them away”. He will have parenting time, but so will you. And they will survive. But they need a mom to model how because I strongly believe what he does to you will seriously harm them overall to witness.
This is so appalling that I would genuinely be questioning my relationship with your GF. Caring for a disabled family member and helping to keep them clean, safe, and comfortable is not inappropriate. That’s not to say that abuse doesn’t happen in these scenarios, but it’s not inherently inappropriate or incestuous.
This viewpoint is so immature and bad faith that it’s seriously concerning.
He is not a fiancé or BF for you. That is 3 strikes for you to move on. 1) telling your secret is betrayal 2) Having an emotional affair with his ex for discussing intimate, private information that should just be between you two 3) He prioritizes his ex over your feelings and privacy as if she is a part of the relationship.
I’d keep underwear too if it was comfy for sleeping.
Our relationship is typically great other normal squabbles and we typically don’t keep things from one another, im just a little hurt by it considering I was under the impression I was her first partner
You need to stop
Thank you so much for responding. I struggle with it because when it’s just impromptu activities, we laugh and I genuinely feel like he is enough in my life but he is inconsistent and I truly think he may have a memory problem. He doesn’t remember anything, truly. That’s difficult as well. I would never leave someone for memory loss(?) but it’s very hot to deal with it
Seems like this girl is just not trustworthy and you're better off without her. She's been cheating on her ex, went through your phone, got mad at you for meeting a sick friend, and was falling off tables at a club. That's not someone who's gonna respect your privacy or trust in a relationship.
If I were you, I'd move out of her place and take some time for yourself to think things through. Don't make any hasty decisions, but don't let her keep playing you like this either.
And seriously bro, what's with the trust? You gotta learn to protect yourself and not just give it all away like that. Trust has to be earned, not just handed over. If she can't earn it, then she don't deserve it.
I was with a man who did this too me, accept whenever i brought up issues in our relationship he went straight into “im gonna kill myself!” Too get me too shut up and comfort him. He avoided all topics of discomfort toward our relationship. He also cheated on me and made me say it was ok because the threat of killing himself if i said it wasnt ok always loomed.
Dump him, he isnt a good man. I stayed with mine far longer than i shouldve, please take it from someone who’s been there it isnt worth the heart break over and over and over again.
Thanks for the context. So generally people, it's fine that she makes time to interact with other people in groups and not just you alone. Ignoring you entirely, however, isn't ok.
Walking away from you also isn't ok, but those situations sounded like she was walking away from a fight, which while not necessarily ok, that behavior isn't about wanting to please other people.
So “that's just who I am” isn't an answer. I wonder if you're just not framing your concerns properly.
In healthy relationships you don't need to question whether you can trust someone or not. You know that they will be honest with you and respectful. If either my partner or I had wanted to explore our sexuality more I know we would have been up front with one another and broken up. Neither of us are interested in non monogamy, we both know that about one another and have both been respectful of that boundary.
Get out.. he’s an asshole. To be frank, he wants to have sex with other women, or at the very least, get their attention on a romantic level. He sounds super disrespectful, and you’re right about the entire conversation being unnecessary. You’re also right about him (and you) being way too old for shit like that, he sounds like a high school boy, super immature. You deserve better than that, and the fact that he doesn’t even let you resolve the issue is even worse.
Unless you’re keeping him from having female friends all together, and that’s the sharing he means, but with he way you describe him acting.. I really doubt it.
You're not looking for advice on if you should stay or leave your man, what you wanna know is how to shut your mother up. Well as a mother, if your safety is concerned, nothing would make me stop. As a daughter, my mom was right about everything.
Well, share your single bf with other single women. Pathetic excuse of a man
I haven't read all the comments but what stands out to me is that she got you both drunk before. The time to discuss these things is when you are both sober and not impaired (and horny is impaired). It feels manipulative to get you to agree while drunk (though in the end, she clearly doesn't care if you agree or not).
He would think she deserves jail time
Time to cut all contact and electronic connections.
She’s allowed to process whatever she wants, however she wants. You get the same.
You broke up for a reason. These links are not healthy and you need to move forward to new relationships.
He has integrity. Why are you worried? More context is needed.
Rich people.
You have a girlfriend who, from her comments and her lack of support for your ambitions, is clearly not going to be a long term partner, and an interview for your dream job which would mean moving just a few hours away. Follow your dream.
So you're saying that prior to the assault, you were aware that he would do drugs and beat the shit out of someone?
Because if you weren't, that means that no, you do not accurately anticipate his actions.
I'll also say that if he got 6 months in PRISON, not jail, this was not his first offense and/or the person was egregiously and permanently injured.
What was the injury, OP? Tell us what your loving husband did.
Well then maybe it’s just a fundamental incompatibility with him?
I (44F) work a lot (from home). I also have time consuming hobbies and volunteer work. My partner and I on-line together but we really only spend Friday night together as our date night and then during the week we have dinner together before I have to take off. On the weekends, we both have stuff to do as well.
Humans have worth beyond someone wanting to fuck them. She isn't a sexual object she is a person. All he sees her as is a sexual object.
If Ashley’s in an ENM relationship, she should have asked about yours. And your wife should have told her it was monogamous. And Ashley should have said, “I’m not here to be anyone’s affair partner. Let’s do this ethically or not at all.”
Instead they sexted and made secret plans together, which your wife then sprang on you.
At whichever point they deviated from a more ethical approach, that was a violation of your relationship.
The fact they didn’t respect you and your relationship means this was an affair. Ashley is the affair partner and always will be. I doubt you’ll ever feel great about her. And that’s on her and on your wife.
If you want monogamy forever, great. You can tell your wife that. If you’re open to threesomes, or to her exploring ENM herself, that’s great too – but it shouldn’t be with Ashley. It should be with someone who isn’t stained as an affair partner, who enters the picture in a respectful way that you can feel good about.
I’m gay. Being queer often means slowly coming to terms with your attractions/desires… needing time to figure it out and accept yourself. Your wife may have needed an Ashley to help her explore her own wishes and get to the point she was prepared to tell you. The screwy part is trying to bring Ashley into your life and expecting you to instantly feel good about it/her. You’re going to need time too to come to terms with all this.
It’s possible your wife is gay and not bi. Or maybe she’s bi and your marriage is forever. I’d want her in therapy to figure herself out and handle this slower, with more consideration for you. Because at the moment, she’s focused on herself and jerking you around. If she wants you to be on board, and feeling like her #1 priority, she needs to put some effort into that.
You don't need a reason or any reason to break up, so that's not an argument. How she reacts and what she does after isn't your problem, you just need to do it as soon as possible and rip the bandaid off. You're stringing her along and wasting her and your time otherwise. Fear of repercussion is an awful reason to not break up.
Just do it
I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of like that, and I'm glad that you've realised that and have taken actions to protect yourself. I hope you're okay now. It truly sucks to have pure intentions when the other party doesn't.
Not too late for an abortion and divorce…
I might have eventually wanted a relationship with her but I prefer more casual arrangements and then escalating to a relationship if it feels right. Yes, my logic is stupid and I would've played it differently if I could redo it.
Did your kid learn that wasn't ok or did they turn out like the other parent?
Everyone we ever date is wrong for us to a certain extent. No one is a perfect fit.
In many respects, a relationship could be considered great if the two people in it are mostly right for each other.
But we struggle to accept that because of what we’ve been led to believe about romanticism.
We expect our partner to continue to excite and inspire us despite our relationship being focused on mundane domestic conditions 95% of the time.
That’s why we think it’s a dilemma when we feel our boss is very hot while we feel our long term partner is only just pretty good.
We’re struck by a confusing moment of reflection. Are we really still in love with our our partner if we can feel this way about someone else?
Yeah, we are. In fact, feeling the way we do about our partner is the inevitable outcome or trying to love someone after you actually get to know them.
See, you don’t really know your boss. Your feelings are a baseless infatuation.
Whereas the feelings for your partner are based on years of side-by-side, through-thick-and-thin living companionship.
They’re not even in the same realm.
In many respects, love is not romantic – its dutiful and present and sometimes boring or even frustrating.
And this is perhaps more so the longer we stay together.
But the fact that another person, your partner, has chosen to invest their time, their life, in your comfort, safety and happiness is no small gesture.
Best of luck.
No, its so people 18-21 can come. Has nothing to do with nudity.
Your boyfriend is a huge, gaping, narcissist asshole. You deserve so much better.
UpdateMe!
It’s a possibility he’s creating new phone numbers to contact her. She may have to change her own number.
Great advice, Sheila.
She 100% cheated. I also feel like she is downplaying bisexuality and degrading it in a way in her mind where she doesn't find it a legit thing. I don't believe she is bicurious all of the sudden. This is affair territory and you are correct in how you feel about it.
Oh dear, I’m so sorry to hear that. That must have been very upsetting for you. You have every right to be angry and hurt by what they did. It was very wrong and disrespectful of them to kiss each other like that.
I don’t know what was going on in their minds, but it sounds like they were under the influence of some bad substances that made them act foolishly and irresponsibly. That’s no excuse for their behavior, but it might explain why they didn’t realize what they were doing.
You need some time and space to process your feelings and decide what you want to do next. Don’t let anyone pressure you into forgiving them or staying with them if you don’t feel comfortable. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby.
I hope you have some supportive friends or family members who can help you through this difficult time. You deserve love and respect from your husband and your sister. If they truly care about you, they will show it with their actions, not just their words.
I’m sending you lots of hugs and prayers. You are a strong and beautiful woman who can overcome this challenge. I wish you all the best for your future.?
You’re welcome. He most likely sees the marriage situation in a different perspective than you do. And he doesn’t see that she is only doing this to help Tom or as you do, he only seeing it that she is participating in it. And by her participating in it, it is what she wants. I hope you can have a honest and productive conversation with your husband.
This is deplorable. You just had a baby and he goes out of his way to do something he knows you wouldn’t be ok with. And then lies even more when confronted. Trust was broken and it’s going to be very very hot to regain that. Sorry you’re dealing with this OP.
You don't sober up friend. I'm a bartender and study public health (almost there!). Youre able to focus more but you're still going to be intoxicated. It's why people that drink til 4 in the morning should be concerned of alcohol tests at work at 10 because you're still having a high BAC
r/nothingeverhappens
Like 90% of the posts on this sub are throwaways. Idk why some people have irls on their Reddit, but I’m not about to assume that every single post I find triggering or a little cringe is automatically fake. And if you must know, part of the reason I took an extra minute to consider a possibility other than “someone is being purposefully lesbophobic in a sub that might not even recognize that word!” is because I have my own history as a queer person navigating spaces with lesbians who ALSO automatically assumed that anyone who wasn’t a gold star was pissing directly onto the lesbian flag. So excuse me for trying to consider whether a young adult could potentially be feeling an unexpected attraction for the first time. Dang.
Speaking as a daughter of a woman who was cheated on and left her husband, my father, I would have been pretty disappointed if mom had given him any chances.
Your kids are human people and future adults. They can make their own decisions about their parents. I doubt he'll get a lot of sympathy.
yup yup I agree completely
If you have her number and she hasn't blocked you, you can send this message. You can also write it on a note and bring it to her at a safe spot and apologize, them either leave or offer to leave after the apology.
The question is does she still want to go on the trip without you? Or does she want to cancel the trip altogether?
Thanks for the advice! I am not even sure Sami will choose to date at all, anyway. For one thing, she doesn't have much time between working two jobs and all the caretaking for Tom. I think it's more likely that the existence of the open relationship will just make her feel a bit less trapped and more hopeful about the future (allowing her to look forward to a time she she can really be free to meet new people) so that she can emotionally process the end of the marriage a bit faster than she otherwise would.
Block him…
Not sure, but he just thinks that “well it’s family and I can’t change the fact that it happened” he just lets it go.
So like, is she in high school? You literally were waiting for her to turn 18 so i don't know why you're disagreeing. What i would do is stop telling on yourself on-line and never do this again
If this is the only thing, then let it go. Not everyone enjoys these on-line quizzes and tests.
It's truly illuminating to see all the poly people coming on this thread reading this horrendous story of a guy who repeatedly cheats on his wife, justifies it as his sexuality and basically forces her at gunpoint to accept his new found “lifestyle” as some kind of awakening.
I mean is this what polyamory is, because to me the guy just seems like an asshole.
I got be honest, this is why when I here stuff like ethical non-monogamy I roll my eyes.
But reassurance is a band aid fix unless you can honestly say that if he reassures you once about any specific thing that you’ll never feel the need to get it again.
“Hey, this was cool to begin with but you come on pretty strong and I'm just not feeling it. I do wish you the best though. Take care”
Should he? Not really. You’re an adult. It would be a nice gesture for him to make, if he actually wanted to.
Every adult should shower every day, it's basic hygiene, along with teeth brushing
Your friend and anyone saying “stay out of it” is a big red flag. If you were getting cheated on these are the types of people who would say it's “not my business”
Sorry but if you're blocking your own bf from social media then your relationship already sucks.
You both have a lot of growing up to do for people in their twenties.
Do you really need to know why? Okay she is blatantly wiling to lie and disrespectful towards you, when you try to have a conversation her first response was to lie then when you didn’t buy her lie instantly blames you for causing issues. Do you really want that as a life partner a women who will blatantly in front of you disrespect you, lie to, then try to gaslight you into thinking this is your problem, do I need to keep going? Look don’t be one of those doormats who is scared to be alone have some self respect their are plenty of women in this world who won’t do that shit and won’t try to gaslight after doing it in your face, but hey it’s up to you to decide the type of person you want to give your heart to, she was willing to break it do you really think you can trust her with it
Is just so unlikely he'd agree to it because he's very private about sex.
This is true, I plan to apologize for throwing the drink and starting the fight and I’m sure she will apologize for beating the crap out of me. I’m sure we can move passed it because we’re both mature now and we squashed all the drama with our “fight”. It’s just going to be so very hot for me to laugh with her and be myself, I feel like I’m going to keep flashing back to her on top of me punching me and that will make me feel embarrassed.
While it is something to consider, with all due respect I have only given you a glimpse into my relationship. We are still very much in love, I was seeking advice on how to get him to take initiative when planning dates etc.
Is she the type to share her business with everyone? Maybe she's forgetting who she told and thinks she told you things? Who knows
It’s wild that your husband thinks that you’re so easily influenced that you’ll do stuff just because your friends are doing it. Does he often treat you as if you don’t have a mind of your own?
The situation that Sami is in doesn’t sound healthy or happy and it sounds like you can clearly see that. I don’t understand how your husband can look at that situation and think “yes, this is clearly something that my wife would want to emulate”.
Yeah that’s a bs excuse why isn’t he your ex boyfriend yet? He cheated because he wanted too
That’s gross…
I don’t care who you are you don’t shower dally that’s gross
?
I commented elsewhere but it smells like projection to me. Mark being completely void of compassion on this situation smells like a cover up for his own actions.
Honey, you are in a very dangerous position right now. I'd like you to read your post as if your best friend has written it. What would your advice be?
You did the right thing, the fact that he has you questioning yourself is the thing you need to be worried about. Did your physical relationship continue because you wanted it to? or because he did?
Honey, reach out to support services, get help. A good therapist can help untangle the mess your ex has made in your head. Love doesn't have to be like this.
Be kind to yourself, you did the right thing. If he was actually suicidal you potentially saved him. It's time to cut him off now for your own well-being. Your needs matter. Your happiness matters. You are worthy of love and compassion from your partner but especially from yourself.
My son is two – he loves to play blocks, because any time I start building something he has to run over and knock it down. He thinks it's hilarious.
Maybe you can handle not destroying things you find just because you can. But I can't expect more emotional maturity out of people than a two-year-old, apparently.
he forced me to get a prenup early on so I am screwed
Cancer can come back. For a lot of people, the idea of their loved one dying is just a hypothetical situation. This might be closest he’s been to that being a reality so he’s not handling it well.
Either way, OP needs to think long and very hot about this because the unfortunate truth is that everyone will die and he shouldn’t let the fear of that stop him from pursuing a relationship.
Sounds like you know what you need to do to me. What is going to change if you stay? Can you on-line like this long term?Also, she is physically abusive and that is not ok.
Does it actually matter, it’s over. Move on
This!
Honestly, I ready the post and thought I must be on AITA! I was ready to slap a YTA on this and call it a day lol
The advice is to be GRATEFUL the boyfriend cares about having a responsibility to other living things and maybe starting to care about your commitment as a pet owner. The real issue is that someone is being great to her pets, and her response is to try to deprive them of that. Ummm, what?! She just doesn't like that her boyfriend has realized she doesn't take her responsibility as pet owner that seriously, and he does.
Also, justifying it with “my pets love me” Get out lady. All pets love their owners unconditionally, that why they're better than us.
He wasn't happy anymore. And you deserve better. Leave it be and move on.
I would team up with her. Meet up, confirm the messages are from him. Let her know you are making a plan to leave and will do so as quickly and as safely as you are able. I know leaving is daunting task – it’s not always so easy, it’s very hot to survive on one income, but I’m hoping you have family or friends that will give you refuge. She can start putting together all the evidence she has and hold on to it for as long as she feels safe – hopefully long enough for you to leave. Then she needs to file police report and take out a restraining order. And then you BOTH need to be very very careful. She might consider staying with friends or family for a bit while this gets worked out. I’m so sorry that you are finding out that your husband is a completely different person than what you thought. But putting myself in your shoes, these are the steps I think I would take.
Those trust issues you mentioned? They are not going anywhere and never will. Dump him. You’re 19, there’s a million other guys to date that will have respect for you.
If it’s 2 days ago, she’s out of the range for plan B
A lot of women daydream about their crushes, that's not weird at all. It's not possible to “jinx” your love life by daydreaming future scenarios.
I would actually say don’t block his number after you break up. You’ll want to be able to see any texts or messages he sends to have proof if he escalates or gets threatening.
Text him that your relationship is over and you don’t need his permission. End of discussion.
I would give up every man on earth to save my dog. No joke.
No. Surreal is not irony. And yes, words have definitions. Exactly.
But you go on with your clearly hilarious self.
Angels would ‘murder’ demons with swords for their morals and ideologies. So yeah, I guess he kind of is an angel.
This is disgusting.
The average couple has sex twice per week in your 20-30s and drops to an average of once per week in your 50s. It doesn't sound like he has an extremely high sex drive. In most instances, people in a relationship are going to want to have sex regularly with their partners. If you are averse to having sex more than once a month or less, you should tell anyone you're interested in very early in the dating process.
This ⬆️
You already know the answer. It's definitely inappropriate and you should have shut it down when you found out, then had a discussion about whether she would like to continue the relationship or not. The trend is not your friend on this one…bad pattern. You better reach an understanding.
Wow, lot of hate in this thread, but taps nose bingo.
Guys get giddy when excited. Sometimes something embarrassing slips out.
She isn’t that pretty IMO. I don’t know why they are keeping her around.
Bumble will automatically expand your age range when you run low on people.
I've lived many years and never received anything for international women's day. It's not really a thing in America, I think it's more European.
Honestly your gf sounds very difficult. You haven't been together that long, it's okay to break up and move on. That's what I would do, in your place.
There's no advice to give. You fucked up and this is your consequence.
It’s not that I don’t place a value at all i definitely think it’s a sacrifice for sure. But i feel like being the breadwinner and a stay at home parent are both sacrifices that a couple makes for the betterment of a family.
Thats true.. We always do things on a budget but once in a while I would want to do something crazy and I cant because it would not be in his budget and I would feel bad for making him do it.
We have been dating only for 6ish months so I dont know what to do about it
I didn’t think of the selfish part, you definitely have a point. I’ll still discuss it with him just to get his pov and work out the money part.
Have you seen what he looks like at all? He could be very self-conscious about his looks and might be afraid that you'd break up with him if you see that he looks like an actual catfish. Or he may be catfishing you
I wouldn't really want to have anything to do with you if I was your daughter based on what youve said you've done. What you should do is reap what you sowed and spend your life with your young af wife and let your daughter be. If she wants to connect with you, she will. You don't get to go back in her life after traumatizing her like that.
I understand parents and kids are a package deal. I’m saying any parent who thinks they should participate in some “give me gifts” game with a coparent is a cop out. I’m a parent. I’m married to a parent. I would never tolerate my husband buying gifts for his coparent this way. Court orders determine custody. Not the other coparent. I assure you you’re not going to do any explaining from your point of view that would convince me. It’s absolutely NOT how it works when you date a parent. That’s 100% incorrect. Period.
I smell a paedo grooming the teenager and had an affair. Yr wife will soon want, feel and know what she's missing… The teen and 20's fun phase of life. Then you will need to groom another 17 year old you have to marry coz she's beautiful, kind etc.
OP, sorry I sound harsh but you will be an old man with no one in couple of years. Forget your daughter, you've lost her. Your young wife will tire of you and will want a young dude of her generation. Prepare for a lonely old age.
Another “yes”. Do not do this.
The most important context you provide comes halfway into the post, because it essentially makes everything else irrelevant.
Either way, what might generally be a very hot no if you weren't leaving turns into a perfectly fine plan. Definitely wait until the last day. Location doesn't really matter. “Hey, would you have any interest in going out on a date sometime?” What will be will be. You can get her number or offer her yours if she says yes. If she says no, wish her well. Good luck.
100000% troll rage bait post. I was horribly bullied in middle school. It has lasted with me until this day. If my spouse told me this I honestly would have laughed too. It wouldn’t have meant that I felt any differently towards them and they would have known it. They would know my humor and know they could be vulnerable around me and that I wasn’t laughing at their pain.
It’s not exactly like kicking out when your roots tickled though. This is something a person can absolutely work on, it’s a pretty bad quality.
Like some people instinctively say “oh bulllshit” when they hear something they think is bullshit, that doesn’t make it the right response or justified.
What were they basing saying that he loved you on? Just that he said the words?
Cut her off completely. Good lord. Yes she seems to very much respect you and your decisions. This relationship is entirely one-sided. Get rid of her. You’ll be better off.
She wants to be chased and pampered more. Fuck that bitch she’s a train wreck
So she'll basically be working to pay off her loan…. That's a lot of debt and I don't think I'd be willing to take that one. And hses goign abck to school to add another 80k to that? Which means she won't be working much if at all while she's doing that. Finance/money is a huge reason for fights and divorces. You're not wrong for wanting to re-evaluate your relationship. Clealry she's not financially savvy. She decided it would be a good idea to go to private school without having the means to really pay for that or get scholarships. And her earning potential is quite low for someone with that kind of debt. Docs often come put with 300-400 k but most of them will be among at least 200k+.
You will grow resentful over time not being able to enjoy ravel or whatever or having to fund your entire relationship because all her money goes towards debt. Love isn't enough for a relationship
I’m sorry as a man that is a fuckin plumber with the dirtiest mouth (and hands) in the industry, we’ve had women try plumbing and become apprentices and are tough on them but….that’s absolutely fuckin bonkers. You’re literally just trained to accept harassment. Stand up for yourself this shits pathetic.
reestablish contact and start a weekly get together for coffee or wine or something. You need an outlet or you are going to wallow in your misery and just feel sorry for yourself. Also, hire a physical trainer at your gym if you can afford to. You don't need your BF to keep you accountable. If you are paying $$ you will stay accountable. Start making yourself stronger mentaly and physically.
Pretty self explanatory. I used to pride myself in my brutal honesty until I slowly began the journey of understanding that not every little white lie is bad. I did not have the awareness to realize that the truthful things I said were rude because I have autism, and people with autism often have an extremely low emotional intelligence. They also tend to prefer brutal honesty over sympathy.
I'm saying this not to normalize shitty behavior, it's still shitty behavior; but I really want people to understand, not every rude thing a person does is premeditated. I literally didn't even have the self awareness to be able to make the choice not to be brutally honest, it was just a part of my nature, instinctual. Again, people with autism can be very socially inept, to the point where you think “there's no way this person doesn't know they're being an asshole, there's no way they're that dumb”, but some honestly don't.
I just want people to understand because it was the ones who looked passed my flaws and treated me with kindness and understanding rather than contempt that actually helped me.
Yeah you've given him a chance and he's broken your trust, no going back now I'm afraid!
Please give us an update once you confront him.
Welp, at least you tried to fix things in the beginning. But there’s obviously some resentment between both of you. It just seems like you both are used to having each other around at this point.
You don't. She gets to do what she wants.
No, I don’t think so
I think, taking this comment a step further, people need to not only begin to offer the advice the person is actually asking for instead of leaping to cutting the person out of their lives, but also, realise that it's something 9/10 people don't have the immediate strength or desire to do themselves.
This commentor wouldn't block their own sibling for this, before trying to communicate through it, or cutting the conversation off, or even just slipping into resentment and doing nothing.
Sometimes it's necessary to point out the toxicity of an ongoing situation, and encourage the person to see it for what it is, or even walk away…but healthy people don't leap to cutting ties with someone they love for a first offense, how absurd.
I'm started tearing up reading this
Call cops have him tresspassed
I mean, if someone tells you they don't care about you, there really isn't much advice to give.
Find some self respect and leave, cause she'd drop you like a sack of dog shit for this dude.
Fair enough. But Chris is also controlling, he has told me in the past not to talk to my daughter in law. When she asked for a divorce about 2 years ago, he told me not to call her and talk to her. He said it was because he was trying to change her mind and asked me not to interfere as it “would make things worse” as he said it. He doesn't get to tell me who I talk to or not, that is not his place.
You’re 18. Please stop acting like you’re grown or something
Looking at a girl as she walks past for a moment isn’t an issue. Let’s just make that clear. Yes men and probably women are going to do that but this? This is a crimson flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
What he did is ILLEGAL
He was sick. And he knew how to fold his laundry, I just showed him a better way.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s a fact she needs to know. You weren’t exclusive, you didn’t owe her anything at that point. It’s almost expected that you were talking to other people. You chose her, right? You’re not a cheater, right? Then no reason to bring something up that would just make her second guess when she’s the one you chose anyways.
A good indicator I find is would you be telling them for you, or for them? Like is it to clear your conscience or is it something you would want to know in their position?
I used to be on all the major dating apps, had zero luck. Ended up meeting my eventual wife through a friend after we both accepted my friend's random invitation to hang out one night.
So yeah, surprising how old-fashioned ended up being the way when least expected, even in the Internet age.
Just delete the info from your phone if it was from years ago and no longer applicable to your life.
Her over-the-top reaction, in public, is a red flag.
And, yes, you should be honest with anyone you want to build a long-term relationship with.
His coworker is being inappropriate. He needs to make it clear that he is not going to discuss anything not work related with her.
“My marriage is not a topic I'm going to discuss. Is there anything work related you need to talk about?”
At these work events he can excuse you both from sitting next to her. “Excuse us. We're going to mingle” or “I see John over there. I need to talk to him. Excuse us.”
tell me more about these boundaries, I don't have enough information here
I feel like if you flip the genders, a male version of OP’s weekend away is SO common. Just swap glamping for hunting, fishing, hiking, etc. And nobody says that is incompatible with being in a long term relationship or being married, so I’m over here scratching my head at what I see as sexism.
Nope. He should say sorry and that's it. It's not your job to make him feel good about himself.
I dunno. If you don’t trust him, break up.
I have acquaintances that I talk to kind of frequently but if someone asked if we were friends or close, my answer would be no. They’re people who call to get help from me about specific things, they don’t know much about me or visa versa.
Just talk to him.
You absolutely are insecure, in fact this is the literal definition of it
You need to talk with a professional about this before you torpedo your relationship because how you described it your man has done everything correctly and you’re still insecure and afraid of something that other people did to other people, not even you!
If you don’t fix this someday something is going to happen and you’re going to misinterpret it and the insecurities will kick in and you’ll say or do something that will damage the relationship
Don’t go back. On-line your life. She sounds like a terrible person.
Maybe you need a couple's counselor so a third party can help you two communicate
You’re an idiot and I’m not going to waste time giving advice you’ll never take
The thing is, you weren’t. He did nothing wrong. And you need to think about how well he treats you. You also said this is the only thing you argue about. You should really stop bringing it up if you want to keep him. He is going to get tired of arguing about who he was with before he committed to you.
I guess I'm just sick of seeing him take advantage of them and seeing him keep getting away with it . And unfortunately I can't move out just yet do to my gf just now finding a job and my area rent and such is really high
I always joke with others about (only extremely low stakes) opinions that theirs is wrong (for example: black licorice is a war crime and any other opinion is obviously sacrilege). This dude is doing this seriously. Good god. And on a very low stakes opinion discussion, I cannot even fathom how he’d behave on something more important.
Do you want to be brown beaten until you’re broken because this is the only way forward with someone this irrationally demanding and abusive (who goes straight from “I disagree with your opinion” to “you are a failure as a human being” – an abuser).
– It was a few years ago now. Early 30s.
– He does eat junk fairly often.
– He works a job that has him walking 8-10 hours a day. He doesn't exercise besides that, though.
– He chooses to get to bed late, so he gets about 5 hours or so.
I am not sure what you mean by the last question?
like 1 in a billion chance tho
Stop hanging out with him and take this as a lesson; don't have unprotected sex with someone without a clean STD test.
You are right. I do on-line here.. He made it very clear that I'm basically just a guest here now.
Dude heard about crime in cities and thought that meant all cities. He’s a country idiot who’s naive and never took a trip to a city
In my opinion, there are people that feel above this emotion. They feel they’ve mastered it, and somehow it puts them at a higher level. People who experience it are not as emotionally together or mature.
Jealousy isn’t bad. It’s often said that it comes from insecurity. And that insecurity is from what someone else you care about might do. What usually isn’t mentioned in this formula is how the behavior that causes jealousy (flirting for instance) is usually also caused from insecurity. That insecurity is of the self and the constant need for constant attention and affirmation from other people. I’d personally prefer being worried about someone else, than worried about myself. Jealousy in itself is not bad. What you do with it is bad.
To be clear, I also think flirting can be natural. But to put one above the other isn’t really being honest. It’s like playing a violin and not expecting a sound.
He is definitely gaslighting you. If he feels pain doing something as minor as holding a well behaved dogs paw, he either seriously needs to see a doctor, or he's using weaponized incompetence. My moneys on the latter.
If you truly are concerned about any children you could have with this lovely woman, get genetic testing for both of you. There are a lot of recessive genes that can interact with different results. Such as in the African American genes there are recessive genes for sickle cell anemia so, if both parents have the recessive genes that theoretical child could have sickle cell anemia. However I would caution you to realize children are people not fuck trophies.
That is true. But I felt it was easier to understand it why did she end up making such decisions, for I couldn't process the whole thing otherwise, because I could never do such.
I do deserve bettee but having him as it is its betger than not having him at all. I love that dude so much. And he claims he does the same???? I dont understand his mind at all. Like if you love me so much as you say you do, why won't you just come back to me????
You feel used because you are being used. This is one of those times when actions speak VERY loudly. Hear me again…you DESERVE BETTER than this. People can only use us…if we allow it. Stop letting him.
The real truth, that is very hot to hear sometimes…but I think you may be there is “we set the standard for the way people treat us.” Sadly, a lot of the time we were never given a great barometer for a healthy relationship so we set the standard, really fucking low. Don't do that anymore. Anyone who TRULY loved you, would NEVER make you feel the way you are feeling right now. They would do everything in their power to make sure you felt everything BUT lost.
Welll damn….you should've started off that he was military. One thing those military people gonna do is CHEAT….
you didn’t fail anything. this isn’t your fault this is all on him. but i’m telling you right now this relationship (from what i’ve seen on this post) isn’t going anywhere and needs to end, you’re young, you’ll move on, don’t let this dead weight drag you down. ten years and he doesn’t want to marry you??? TEN YEARS is more than enough time to know. chances are he’s planning on ending things but is being a pussy about it and dragging it out. godspeed, you will get through this never forget you’re a bad bitch and men are like fruit flies they’re everywhere.
He is gay and you are his cover 1
He's fucking weird. Why is sexual things the first thing he thinks of when he sees a picture of you as a baby. Ew.
Be single! Lose the deadweight!
This must be him, right? OPs significant other? You sneaky little bastard you! You had me going for a sec!
You’d need to define triggered. I find debate interesting. Is my finding an exchange of differing opinions what you mean by triggered?
Tell her because at the very least she owes her friend an apology. She also owes you a serious conversation about why that happened and an apology and reasons why it won’t happen in the future.
Yes, he takes you seriously. He had an idea about how to spend time. You had a different idea. Neither of you could change, so you didn't meet up. He's tired and stressed, and men need sex for lots of reasons, and one is to reduce stress. Same with food and sleep. Taking care of your man is part of what being a woman is all about. If you were not feeling sexy then at least you could say, “How about I cook you something and we can watch a movie?” That provides food and rest. Instead you offered the opposite of what he wanted. From now on look for mutual concessions. You don't have to have sex but I assure you it helps when maintaining a relationship.
“my boyfriend had a different personality, not very full of emotion”
I'm just saying OP to tread this path very carefully. I'd also be honest about your feelings to him so you can know if getting into a relationship is even on the table.
Otherwise, ya'll are different people as you've grown. But also figure out if ya'll would be better as friends or if a relationship would be genuinely sustainable.
Again, the only way to actually know is by being honest about your feelings.